03x15 - Big Little Man

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Brady Bunch". Aired: September 1969 to March 1974.*
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A woman with three daughters marries a widower with three sons.
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03x15 - Big Little Man

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Hold this.

Could I bring you up
some extra screws?

I've got enough. Thanks, Bobby.

Well, I could bring you
up a bigger screwdriver.

No, thanks. This one's fine.

Well, can I help you
hold the shutter in place?

Bobby, I know you want to help,

but there's only
room for one up here.

Greg, you got a phone call.

Thanks, Alice. Tell
them I'll be right there.

I'll take over while
you're on the phone.

No. I'll be right back. And
besides, you're too short

to reach the shutter. I am not.

Bobby, stay off the ladder.

How much does he
want for his surfboard?

No, no, I want it, it's just

I'll have to raise a little
extra cash, that's all.

Okay, I'll call... I'll
call Phil right away.

Yeah, I've got his
number up in my room.

And thanks for
tipping me, Eddie.

All right, good-bye.

Help me!

Anybody, help me!

Up there!

Help me, please!

Hang on, Bobby!

Cindy, the ladder.

Oh, what...? Here... Oh!

Help me! Anybody, help!

Help me!

Please, help!

Help! He... Help
me! Anybody! Aah!

No! Help! No!

I told you to stay
off that ladder.

I'm off!

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

You peewees.

You're always trying to
act bigger than you are.

Greg... Greg...
you saved my life.

I'll pay you back.

Sometime.

That'll be the day.

Better late than never.

Is Bobby okay?

He's fine.

Good.

Uh... look...

now that you've saved
him how about saving me?

We sure got a lot of stuff.

Oh, my feet are k*lling me!

Yeah, well, it's the
bills that are k*lling me.

Oh, you are so bad.

Mom, Dad, am I glad you're home.

What is it, sweetie?

Well, first, I have to
ask you a question.

What?

Well, is it tattling

if I tell you something

that somebody else
doesn't want you to know?

Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Then you'll just have
to find out for yourself.

What?

Bobby nearly fell off the house.

Ow!

Well, that's just
what you get, Bobby.

You know, you really
could have been hurt

instead of just
getting a few splinters.

Say, what were you
doing up there anyway?

Hanging on, mostly.

Well, if Greg told you
not to climb the ladder

why did you?

I wanted to show him

I wasn't too small to do it.

Greg's right.

I'm a peewee.

I'll always be a peewee.

Oh, Bobby.

Well, there are a lot of
boys your age that are...

just your size.

Well, that's easy
for you to say.

You know who's the
smallest in my class?

You?

No. Freddy Hofsteader.

I'm second smallest.

But only because
he got a haircut.

Listen, Bob, everybody
grows at their own speed.

Maybe next year you'll
be one of the tallest.

No, I won't.

And being little is the worst
thing in the whole world.

Alice, have you seen the paper?

It's in the family room.

I've been looking all
over for that thing...

I want to look at
the want ads section.

I got to find a way to
make some extra loot.

You're not going to
finance another jalopy.

No. I'm after a 6'6" board

that'll let me do flyaways
over those gremmies.

Would you mind
repeating that in English?

That means this stoked-up
hotdogger needs some extra bread

so he can latch onto a
heavy board and hit the lineup.

Thanks for the translation.

Hey, by any chance are
you talking about a surfboard?

Right on.

Hiya, Sam.

Hi, Greg.

Hi, Alice.

Here's your meat order.

Oh, thanks, Sam.

Well, I see I got the boss
himself making deliveries.

Alice, it's because
I'm crazy about you

and I like to look at you

and besides, my
delivery boy quit.

Thanks again.

16 years old and the
kid wants fringe benefits.

Well, fringe benefits
are the "in" thing.

Yeah, but free filet
mignons every day...

no, sir, I got to try to
find a new boy this week.

Sam? Yeah?

What if I were to find you
an instant delivery boy?

I'd hug you.

An outstanding delivery boy?

I'd kiss you.

The greatest delivery
boy in the whole world?

I'd hire him on the spot.

Alice, why don't you
quit when you're ahead?

Where do I find this genius?

Stay right where you are.

Greg!

Yes?

What do you want?

It's what Sam wants:

A new delivery boy.

Really? You do?

After school and
all day Saturday

a buck-50 an hour.

Wow! That's great.

What about fringe benefits?

Fringe benefits?

Who cares about fringe benefits?

You're hired... see you tomorrow
at 4:00 sharp, with your bike.

Out of sight, and thanks,
Sam. You, too, Alice.

I'm going to get over to Phil's and
take a look at that new surfboard.

Hey, uh, thanks, Alice.
You really did me a favor.

Hi, Sam.

What do you say, shrimp-o?

Shrimp-o?

What did I say?

Bobby's been going through
a thing about being short.

That "shrimp-o" kind of hit him.

Oh, boy, have I got a big mouth.

Is it okay if I go
say I'm sorry?

Oh, yeah, Sam.

Bobby?

Um...

look, I'm sorry about that
"shrimp-o" remark, pal.

Don't you think I
know how you feel?

I had the same hang-up
when I was a kid, only worse.

You did?

Yeah. Well, I weighed only
four pounds when I was born.

My old man wanted
to send me back.

I even flunked
out of kindergarten.

You know why?

Why?

I was such a peewee
the teacher kept

marking me absent.

B-But then it happened.

In one year, I grew six inches.

Six inches in one year?

Mm. Wow.

If I could do
that till I'm 21...

Uh, let's see, you'd dress
out at about, uh, uh...

ten feet, two inches tall.

Wow!

Hey, I'd make the
basketball team.

Pal, you'd be the
basketball team.

What are you doing?

Stretching myself.

Stretching yourself?

Yeah. I bet I'm getting
longer by the minute.

Well, if it doesn't
work, don't feel bad.

You can always be a jockey.

Well, how do you like the
meat business after one day?

I'm bushed.

I wish there were
more vegetarians.

I'll bet I pumped 40
miles on my bike today.

Well, just keep thinking
about that new surfboard.

Not new... used... But
I'm going to fix it up.

I should be doing
some fixing up myself:

New counters, modernize
that meat locker.

I got big dreams.

Trouble is, they're
bigger than my wallet.

Speaking of money, Sam.

Yeah? When's payday?

Saturday.

I can make my first payment

on my surfboard.

What are you looking at?

Bobby.

Do you think it's good for him

to stretch himself like that?

It never hurt Tarzan.

Think what it did to Jane.

Oh, honey, he's not
going to hurt himself.

He's at it all the time.

So?

Well, if his arms stretch
and his legs don't,

he may grow up to
look like Cheetah.

Nothing.

Still the same size.

Bobby, you've got

to give yourself a little time.

Guess I'd better
stretch some more.

Poor Bobby.

He keeps measuring
himself all the time.

And he gets grumpier
and grumpier.

No wonder, he's
trying so hard to get tall.

If he would just grow a little.

Even a half an inch
would encourage him.

Oh, wow!

Mom, Dad, it works!

Stretching myself really works!

I grew an inch and a half!

How much?

A whole inch and a half.

Honey, maybe you grew, but
I don't think an inch and a half.

Not since yesterday.

But I measured
myself three times.

A half inch, plus
one whole inch.

No, it's only a half an inch.

How do you know
it's only a half an inch?

Well... Yeah, how
do you know, Cindy?

I made the mark
a half-inch lower,

so that Bobby
would think he grew.

Oh, Cindy.

I'm sorry.

Well, that's okay.

I still grew an inch.

No. Only a half an inch.

You did the same thing, too?

Well, a half-inch isn't bad.

Bobby... Oh, no.

I guess we should have
checked with each other.

That's the dirtiest
trick I ever heard of.

Bobby.

They weren't
trying to trick you.

I don't think what
they did was right...

They were only trying to help.

They did it because
they know it's true.

Know what's true?

I'm a shrimp-o! A peewee!

I'll never grow another
inch as long as I live!

Anything you want from
the market, Mrs. Brady?

Did I leave
something off the list?

No, I just thought
I'd do something

a little special for Bobby.

Sometimes you can
help a sad little heart

with a happy little tummy.

Ah, that's very
sweet of you, Alice.

What are you going to fix him?

His favorite dessert:
Strawberry tall cake.

Strawberry tall cake?

Mrs. Brady, from
now on I am not using

the word "short" anymore.

Hi, Bobby.

Hey, wait a minute.

Your clothes...

Bobby, your eye.

What in the world happened?

I got in a fight with
Tommy Huxley.

Tommy Huxley?

He's twice as big as you are.

Why doesn't he pick on
somebody his own size?

Well... I picked on him.

You started the fight?

Why?

Well, he was
acting like a big sh*t.

Oh.

Well, uh, you weren't
by any chance feeling

like a little sh*t, were you?

Well, I am a little sh*t.

That's all I'll ever be.

Oh, Bobby... listen,
you've heard about

Napoleon Bonaparte, haven't you?

Yeah. He's that funny guy
that always walked around

with his hand on his stomach.

Well, he was also a little
guy, and he went around

trying to prove how big he
was by fighting everybody.

Did he win?

Nope.

Just like you, he got clobbered.

So I-I really don't think
that fighting is the answer.

Do you, Bob?

Not if you lose.

Some of the greatest
men in the world

were small men who didn't fight.

What did they do?

They used their brains,
not their muscles.

Brainpower.

I'll get some more cold water.

Brainpower, huh?

You want to sh**t a few baskets?

I can't.

What are all the big books for?

To read.

I know that, you dumbhead.

Where'd you get them?

At the library.

I'm on my way to brainpower.

Brainpower?

What do you mean?

If you had any, you'd know.

Jan, Marcia, you
like to watch TV.

Mm-hmm.

Bet you don't even
know how it works.


Bobby...

Television is an
electronic system

of transmitting images over
wire by converting light and sound

into electrical waves.

You really took a
load off my mind.

Thanks.

Well, Dad, how do you like it?

I don't know much
about surfboards, son,

but it looks great to me.

I bet you don't know

what the fourth-longest
river in the world is.

No. What is the
fourth-longest river in the world?

The Ob in Siberia.

It's 3,200 miles long.

Well, that's very interesting.

Like I was saying, Dad,

there's nothing like
surfing in the whole world.

First, you take off on a big
thick swell, and once you got it

you crank on a bottom turn,
you get out on the nose...

Oh, that sounds exciting.

Hey, Greg, I bet
you don't know...

Wow, I'm gonna be late for work.

I got to get down
to Sam's quick.

Dad, I'll clean this
up when I get back.

Oh, gosh, I got to go,
too. Good-bye, Bob.

Hey, I thought you'd
gone with your mom

and the rest to get new shoes.

I don't need new shoes.

Not even my feet
are growing bigger.

Hey, Bobby, do-do
you have any more

of those terrific
brainpower questions?

No.

Well, you sure had
some real hard ones.

Big deal.

Knowing a lot is great,

but it sure isn't very fun.

Well, Bobby, could
be you've been working

too hard on one thing.

What do you mean?

Well, you need a
balance. It's like a recipe.

You've got to have
the right amount

of each ingredient
for it to come out right.

And I've been putting
in too much brainpower?

Exactly.

Oh, and speaking of recipes,

there's something wrong
with my brainpower.

I forgot to get sausage

for my special
meat loaf tonight.

Better call Greg to bring
home two pounds of sausage.

I can do it for you, Alice.

Oh, thanks, honey. It's
easier for Greg to bring it.

You probably
think I'm too little

to go down there by myself.

On second thought,
since I'm going out tonight

the sooner I get my sausage,
the sooner I'll get my Sam.

Okay, go, Bobby.

Great. I'll get back real fast.

And the porterhouse and the veal

go to Mrs. Stevens at 231 Elm.

You got that?

Got it.

Anything else?

Yeah, don't get lost.

I'm closing the shop
at 6:00 sharp tonight.

I'm taking Alice to
the Destruction Derby.

Last time we almost got
destroyed trying to find seats.

Hey, Sam, if you want to get
an early start, I could close up.

Switch? Hey, that's a good idea.

I could make your
deliveries on the way home.

We'll swap, and you close up.

Do you think you
can handle it? Easy.

I take any phone orders
that come in... Right.

I put the meat in the locker
so I can clean the counters,

turn the lights out and
lock the door at 6:00.

That's right.

And remember what I told you
about that meat locker, right?

Right.

And thanks again
for the advance, Sam.

Ah... Someday I'll let
you ride my surfboard.

No, thanks.

I get seasick taking a bath.

Hi, Bobby.

What are you doing here?

Alice needs two
pounds of sausage.

Okay. I put all the meat away.

I'll have to get it
out of the locker.

What did you do that for?

Do what?

Close the door.

It doesn't have a two-way lock.

I didn't want to
let the cold out.

Bobby, Sam's got a rule:

This door's supposed to be open

when anybody's in here.

You mean we're locked in?

Unless we can
get this door open.

Push.

It's no use.

We can't get out.

I'm freezing.

Look, you're not freezing.

It's not that cold in here.

If you want to keep
warm, exercise.

Must be ten below in here.

Oh, it's ten below in your head.

Bobby, I said exercise,

not jump around like you
had ants in your pants.

The air.

What air?

We'll be breathing
it all up pretty soon.

We'll suffocate.

I can feel it already.

Bobby, quit pretending like
this is a submarine movie.

Just sit down and relax.

Look!

Maybe we can open
the door with this.

Stand back.

Stand back.

Oh, great.

Don't worry, don't worry.

I-I've got another idea.

What are you going to do?

Just watch.

Help me.

Come on.

Push.

Stand back, Bobby.

This is our last chance.

Push over those boxes.

Here.

Now if I could just crawl
through and open the door...

It's no use.

I'm too big.

It's up to you to
save us, Bobby.

I sure hope I'm small enough.

Gee, I never thought
I'd ever wish I was little.

Easy does it.

I got your feet.

Be careful.

Hold on, hold on!

Go on.

I made it!

Okay, open the door.

Come on, Bobby.

You broke it when
you hit it with the a*.

Oh, no... Call Sam, quick!

He's over at our
house picking up Alice.

I don't have a dime.

Wait a minute.

Boy, that's an awful cold dime.

If you think the dime's
cold, how do you think I feel?

Hey, Greg, you ought to
keep your head sticking out.

It's nice and warm out here.

We'll have you out
in a second, son.

I'm okay.

Sam, your meat
locker works great.

Oh, Greg, how do you feel?

Fine.

Careful. Okay, that's it.

Open it... Oh, thank goodness.

Thank heaven. You okay?

Oh, I think he's
all right, honey.

I feel like a side of beef.

Well, we got to get you
home and into a hot tub.

I had to go and forget sausage.

Boy, that settles it.

No matter what it costs

I'm modernizing
that meat locker.

It was our own fault, Sam.

Thanks, Bobby.

You saved my life.

Remember, you saved mine?

Now we're even.

Boy, am I glad I'm little.

So am I, pal, so am I.

Okay, Bobby, now you've
got your big, thick swell.

Right! Okay, crank
out a bottom turn.

Now, get out on the
front of the board.

Yeah, yeah, that's
good. Now what do I do?

You're locked in,
there's this huge

wall of water hanging
right over your head!

But look out, Bobby!

It's a wipeout! Here
comes the wave!
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