03x22 - My Fair Opponent

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Brady Bunch". Aired: September 1969 to March 1974.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


A woman with three daughters marries a widower with three sons.
Post Reply

03x22 - My Fair Opponent

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Hi, Marcia.

Hi, honey.

Something wrong, huh, Marcia?

Oh, there sure is!

My senior class just played

the dirtiest trick
I've ever heard of!

Oh, yeah? What kind of trick?

Well, the kids at
school, they just...

I'm so mad, I can't
even talk about it!

Marcia.

Yes?

Honey, I think
you'd better tell us

what this is all about.

What was the trick
your senior class pulled?

Well, this afternoon,

my class had nominations

for the hostess for
Senior Banquet Night.

They nominated two girls,

and one of them
was Molly Webber.

And you think you deserved it?

No. That's not the point.

Well, then, what's the matter?

Molly's the matter.

Poor Molly.

She's not really
that attractive.

She's the shiest, the most...

She's completely wrong to
be the Banquet Night hostess.

Well, then why did
the kids nominate her?

For a joke... a terrible joke.

The other girl they
nominated... Patty Holbert...

Is the most popular
girl in the class.

Does this girl Molly
know it's a joke?

No. Not yet.

She was so thrilled
to be nominated

that it went right
over her head.

And when the teacher
selection committee

interviews Patty and
Molly for their choice...

poor Molly, she'll be
sorry she was ever born.

Well, if you're
so upset about it,

maybe you can think
of a way to help her.

Right. You know, lots
of people blow off steam

about something
they think is wrong,

but very few people
are willing to get involved

and do something about it.

I'm willing to get involved.

Then give it some
thought, honey.

Well, that's it,
Alice... six lunches.

I got one corned beef
sandwich left over.

Oh, don't worry about it.

We'll recycle it tomorrow
and use it for hash.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Alice!

What's for lunch?

You'll find out when
you get to school.

Bye-bye. Have a good day.

Boy, you need a crossing guard

for the kitchen, Mrs. Brady.

Mom, I've been
thinking and thinking,

and I can't think of a way

to help Molly Webber.

I know a way.

What? Tell me.

Put a bag over her head.

That'd be a big help.

Peter, that's not nice.

I'm afraid that's what all the
kids think about Molly, Mom.

Well, honey,

not everybody can
be a raving beauty.

Right. Just ask my mirror.

It's not just her looks so much.

It's the way she
talks, and her shyness,

and she's so awkward.

I just wish I could
think of a way

to make her more attractive

to the teacher
selection committee.

Ah, that kind of magic
only happens in the movies.

Well, bye.

Bye.

The movies!

Hey, wait a minute!

Do you remember My Fair Lady?

Well, remember
how Professor Higgins

took the plain,
cockney flower girl

and changed her into a
beautiful, cultured lady?

Oh, yeah.

I saw that picture four times.

Well, maybe I could
do that in real life.

Hey, maybe you could.

Listen, there's an article

in one of my magazines
about improving yourself.

Maybe that would help.

I'll get started
on it right away.

I'll bring her
home after school.

Honey, don't hurt
her feelings, okay?

Okay. I'll ease into it.

Bye.

Come on, Molly.

Here's Molly.

Molly, I'd like you
to meet my brothers,

Greg and Bobby,
and you know Peter.

Hi, Molly. Hi. Hi.

Hello.

We're studying together.

That's nice.

Come on, Molly.

Didn't I tell you
she was a wipeout?

She's not too bad-looking.

She isn't too
good-looking, either.

Is that Molly Webber?

Yes, so remember,
she's very shy,

So, if you're going to
say anything at all to her,

say something nice.

Okay.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, Molly, you know Jan.

Hi, Molly.

Hi.

This is my sister, Cindy.

Hello, Molly.

So nice to meet you.

We always like nice
people to visit us.

That's a very nice
dress you're wearing.

And nice glasses, too.

You really look nice today,

even though I never
met you before.

Hey, honey, what smells so good?

It pulled my nose
right out of the den.

Uh-uh-uh-uh. Mm...
That pot and that pot

will just have to
stew another hour.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Molly, I'd like you
to meet my parents.

Hi, Molly. Hi, Molly.

Hi.

We're going to do some
homework together.

Would you care for a snack

before you start, Molly?

No, thank you, ma'am.

Well, just make
yourself at home.

Come on, Molly.

Oops.

Oh! I'm so sorry!

Oh, honey, that's okay.

I mean, really, I am sorry.

But, Molly, it could
happen to anybody.

Come on.

That kid's afraid
of her own shadow.

Yeah, I'm afraid
Professor Marcia Higgins

has her work cut out for her.

I'm the clumsiest
creature on Earth.

Oh, I've done that
millions of times.

I can't imagine why
the girls nominated me

to be hostess at
the Senior Banquet.

But they did, and I think
that's a terrific honor.

But I know I don't have
a chance to win that.

Now, that's the wrong attitude.

You've got to be positive.

I am positive... positive
I'm going to lose.

Sally Holbert's

the most popular
girl in the class.

Well, I think you
have a good chance...

if you really care.

I do care.

This is the biggest thing
that's ever happened in my life.

But look at me.

Well, Molly, you
could do lots of things

to improve yourself,
if you really tried.

I could?

Sure!

For one thing, would you mind

taking off your glasses?

Why, you've got beautiful eyes,

but they're hidden
behind these glasses.

Have you ever thought

of wearing contact lenses?

Well, I've got some, but
I figured, what's the use?

It's like trying to make a
scarecrow win a beauty contest.

Molly...

there's other things
that you can do, too,

that will really help.

You think so?

Come on, by next
Monday, the kids at school

are going to see
a brand-new Molly.

I hope so.

I sure will be glad to
get rid of the old one.

Hi, there!

Hi, there, Marcia.

Molly, you have
to look at people

when you talk to them.

Once more, louder, and smile.

Be friendly.

Hi there, Marcia.

Well, that was better.

Now, straighten your
back, and remember,

the key words are
"poise" and "dignity".

Poise and dignity.

Right, so stand up
straight and proud.

That's it.

Now, chest out.

It is out.

Okay.

Hi, there, Molly.

Hi, there, Marcia.

Good.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hi, there.

Hi.

How you doing?

Molly?

Wow!

You look great!

Not at all like you!

I mean... That's okay.

See you.

Did I say she was a wipeout?

Yeah, well, I just
wiped her back in.

Who is it?

It's me, Mrs. Brady. Molly.

Oh, hi, honey.

Come on in.

Hi.

Molly, you look lovely!

Thanks. I'm supposed
to meet Marcia here.

I'm sorry, honey,
she isn't home yet.

May I help you?

Well, be careful, now.

Don't worry, I've
given up clumsy.

I just can't get over the
change in you, Molly.

Thank you. It's sort
of a trial run for me.

I'm going to school tomorrow

for the first time
as the new me.

I'm sure all the kids in
school are in for a big surprise.

And it's all due to Marcia.

You can wait upstairs
in her room if you like.

Jan and Cindy are up there.

Thank you.

Hi, Alice. Hi.

Molly?

Molly. Hi.

Well, Alice, what do you think
of the preview of the new Molly?

Preview? That's opening night.

Thank, Alice.

Hmm!

Oh!

Hi!

Hello.

Molly?

Nice to see you
again, Mr. Brady.

Nice to see you, too.

Ninety... Hi!

Hi.

Wow, Molly, you're
all put together.

Marcia really did it all.

I wish she'd do that to me.

When you're ready.

I'm ready, I'm ready.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

Hey, you guys, get out.

Molly and I have
some work to do. Okay.

I'm really ready!

Out!

Well, what's there left to do?

Your speech for the
selection committee.

You're going to help me with it?

Right now.

Marcia, I really don't know

how to thank you,

but I'll pay you back some way.

You can pay me back

by being selected as hostess.

Hi, honey!

Hi.

Well?

Well, come on and tell me.

What happened at
school today with Molly.

Everybody thought
Molly was a knockout.

Well, you don't seem
very excited about it.

It's something else.

What?

Well, Patty Holbert,

the girl running against Molly,

had to drop out.

Her folks are
going on a vacation,

and she won't be
here for Banquet Night.

That's terrific.

Then Molly will be the hostess.

It doesn't work like that.

Now the number-three girl...

The one that was
nominated as the alternate...

Has to move up and
compete against Molly.

Who's that?

Meet number three.

What a dumb predicament.

I go all out to help Molly win,

and now I have
to run against her.

What am I going to do, Mom?

Well, I...

I guess there's only
one thing I can do...

Drop out.

If I happen to b*at Molly,
it would just crush her.

Well, then, why don't you...

On the other hand, I'd
just love to be hostess.

It's a big event.

Well, in that case...

But I couldn't do that to Molly.

It means so much
to her to be hostess.

Oh. Well...

But it means a lot
to me, too, you know.

It's quite an honor.

Oh. Well...

But I'd be miserable
if I did that to Molly.

I'm going to drop out.

I'll tell her at
school tomorrow.

You do that.

I feel much better now.

Thanks for all your help, Mom.

Oh, well, that's
what mothers are for.

Bye.

Marcia!

Marcia, you haven't
told Molly, have you,

about your dropping
out for hostess?

No. I haven't seen her yet.

Good, then I caught you in time.

What do you mean?

There's fantastic news.

I was just in the
principal's office,

and I happened to
overhear something.

There's gonna be a change

in the guest of honor in
your Senior Banquet Night.

You mean it's not
going to be the principal?

No. It's going to be

Colonel d*ck
Whitfield, the astronaut.

Colonel Whitfield!

The one who's going to the moon

on one of the new missions?

You're kidding.

It's true.

He's the most famous
graduate of this school.

He's gonna be
the guest of honor.

Isn't that fabulous?

It's terrible.

Terrible? Colonel Whitfield

is going to escort the
hostess on Banquet Night.

That's what makes it terrible.

It won't be me.

You mean you're
still gonna drop out?

Jan, I can't change my mind now,

not if I know what
I'm doing is right.

I'd be miserable.

Well, look, you'll be miserable

if you're not the
hostess, too, won't you?

Jan, I just have to drop out.

Well, I hope you know
what you're doing.


I do. It's just harder
now, that's all.

Hi, Suzanne.

Hi, Molly.

It's terrific the way
you've changed.

We were just talking about it.

Thanks. See you in class.

Bye. Bye.

Hi, Molly.

Hi, Marcia.

Like my new outfit?

It's really pretty.

Everybody thinks so.

Did you hear about the new
guest of honor for Banquet Night?

Isn't that fantastic?

Yeah, it will be a really
exciting evening for you.

Well, the teachers haven't
made the final selection yet.

Well, Molly, I'm dropping out.

You see, I'm already on

the yearbook committee

and the graduation
exercise committee.

And, well, I've just got
so many things to do.

Oh, that's too bad.

You would have
made it a close race.

What do you mean, "close race"?

Well, it's amazing how
popular I've become,

now that I've changed
my looks and personality.

The whole school
is talking about me.

Well, you did have a
little help, you know.

Marcia, it doesn't make any
difference how I got there.

The point is that I've arrived.

Wow! I guess you think
you could b*at me easily.

Why else would you drop out?

You wouldn't be too busy
if you thought you could win

and be escorted by an astronaut.

Well, maybe I'm
not too busy after all.

Then go ahead
and try to b*at me.

Hi, Sally, wait up.

Hi, Marcia, we just saw Mol...

Come in.

Hi, Greg. Marcia's
working on a speech,

and she wants to know if
she can borrow some paper.

Oh, sure.

What's the speech for?

Faculty selection committee.

It's one of those
things they judge you on

for Banquet Night hostess.

I thought she worked on
Molly's speech last week.

She did, but this
one's for Marcia.

She said she was dropping out.

Well, she isn't.

What changed her mind?

That monster she created.

Molly's body is normal,

but her head is bigger
than a basketball.

That's a female for you.

Here.

You know, you can't trust one

as far as you can
throw an elephant. Right.

They got the brains
of a gooney bird.

Right... Hey, wait a minute.

I'm one of them.

Yeah, uh, sisters
are different. Okay.

Tell Marcia good
luck with her speech.

Here's your paper, Marcia.

Oh, thanks.

And Greg wishes you
luck with your speech, too.

I'm going to need it.

I used all the best words

for the speech I
wrote for Molly.

Mom, Dad, could you
help me with something?

Sure, honey.

What's that, sweetheart?

Well, the faculty
committee judges us

on several things to be hostess.

And for one thing,

you have to be able to dance
the first dance with the host.

That shouldn't be any
trouble for you, honey,

you're a good dancer.

Yeah, but I dance like this.

And, at the banquet,
with the principal

and all the teachers there,

well, we have to dance
like when you were kids.

I think she means way
back in the old days.

Speak for yourself,
senior citizen.

Could you show me
how to waltz properly?

Waltz!

Okay.

I'll teach you the waltz.

Your father can
show you the minuet.

Thank you from the bottom

of my silk knee breeches.

Shall we?

Indeed.

One, two, three,
one, two, three,

one, two, three...

Hey, the waltz
is really beautiful!

Sure. You bet your oom-pah-pah.

Oh, isn't that nice.

You two haven't
danced for a long time.

Yeah. How come you
never take me dancing?

You had to open your big mouth.

Oops.

Now it's your turn,
honey. Come on.

One, two, three,
one, two, three,

That's it. One, two, three,

one, two, three,
good, two, three,

better, two, three, Very good.

Bend your knees, two, three.

Good. Now look at me.

What are you
laughing at? Oh, sure!

Go get him, Alice.

Come on, Marcia!

It's our bathroom, too.

Marcia won't even answer.

How many times can
she wash her hair?

Marcia, you'll
scrub yourself bald.

I'm glad her contest
for banquet hostess

only comes once.

Who would want to be the dumb

old banquet hostess anyway?

Well, I would.

Please, Mr. Principal, pick me.

I've got poise and charm.

But I've got good posture.

See, Mr. Principal?

Pick me.

I've got personality.

I'm a living doll.

Sit right here, girls.

All right, Marcia and Molly,

last, but hardly least,

your speeches about
why you want to be

hostess for Senior
Banquet Night.

You may go first, Molly.

Mr. Watkins and members
of the selection committee,

Senior Banquet
Night has always been

the highlight of our
graduation exercises

and the highlight of my
last year in junior high

has been working on the
Readers and Writers Club.

I've learned many new things

here at Fillmore
Junior High School...

Marcia: and so the
honor of being hostess

is one that we will remember

long after we say
good-bye to our school.

And to have that honor
would be the high point

of my years at Fillmore
Junior High School.

Thank you.

Before I announce the winner,

I want to tell you
that we've had

a most difficult time
reaching a decision.

So you're both to
be congratulated.

As a matter of fact,

you were exactly even
up until the speeches.

But we feel that one of them

captured the spirit
of the occasion

a little better than the other.

It's my pleasure to
announce this year's hostess

for Senior Banquet Night is...

Molly Webber.

Oh!

Thank you, Mr. Watkins.

Thanks to all of you.

Congratulations, Molly.

That was an excellent
speech you gave.

I don't feel like
playing anymore.

I think I'll go to bed.

Honey... Huh?

You did your best in the
competition, didn't you?

Yeah.

You can't do more than that.

I know, but what kills
me is that Molly b*at me

with the speech that
I helped her write.

I'll get it.

Hi, Marcia.

Molly, what are you doing here?

Well, I came over to thank
you for all the help you gave me.

I really do
appreciate it, Marcia.

Okay, so you appreciate it.

Especially the speech
you worked on for me.

I'm afraid I haven't acted
very nicely towards you.

Okay, Molly.

Now, there's someone
here who wants to meet you.

Hi, Marcia, I'm d*ck Whitfield.

Colonel Whitfield!

The astronaut!

Yes, yes.

I met Molly in the
principal's office.

She was telling Mr. Watkins

all you'd done for her.

You were?

Uh-huh.

Mr. Watkins and I decided that

in view of the special
circumstances,

this year we might try

something new for
Senior Banquet...

Cohostesses.

Cohostesses?!

You mean, me and you?

Yeah. How about it, Marcia?

Oh, wow!

I'll go get my parents.

Sorry.

Won't you please come in?

I'll go get them.

Um...

Ah, so nice of you to drop by.

Come in, Marcia.

Tell my parents
and... they're inside.

Yeah.

Well, come on. Okay.

Hi. I'm home.

Hi, honey.

Hi, sweetheart, how
was the banquet?

Oh, it was super.

And I got the first waltz
with Colonel d*ck Whitfield...

Even before Molly.

Oh, wonderful.

And I'll bet he remembers
me a lot longer than Molly, too.

Well, that's not exactly
being modest, you know.

He'll never forget me.

I stepped on his
feet seven times.

One, two, three,
one, two, three,

one, two, three,
one, two, three...

Good night.

Good night, honey.

One, two, three...
Post Reply