-♪ What would you do
if I sang out of tune? ♪
♪ Would you stand up
and walk out on me? ♪
♪ Lend me your ears,
and I'll sing you a song ♪
♪ I will try not to
sing out of key, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪
- ♪ by with a little help
from my friends ♪
-♪ All I need is my buddies ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ - ♪
try with a little help from my friends ♪
- ♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ♪
- ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-I guess you could say
I had a pretty
uncomplicated childhood...
With one exception...
My brother, wayne.
From the moment we first
laid eyes on each other,
We had an instinctive,
natural bond.
It was kind of touching, really.
So, to ensure that bond
would flourish and grow,
My parents provided
us with something,
Something to keep us together
through thick and thin...
A room...
Our room.
The thing is, we actually had
some pretty good times there.
But looking back now,
when I think of that room,
What I remember most
is how big it seemed
When we were little...
Wayne!
And how little it
seemed when we got big.
-Die, scrote.
-Get off, butthead!
- "Butthead, sir."
-Wayne!
By 1971, our room
was beginning to seem
About the size of
a postage stamp.
Idiot.
-Say, "pretty please."
-Ugh! Eat it.
-Hey, get off!
-Hey!
What's going on here?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
-Try and get along, will you?
-Right, dad.
-But it wasn't that simple.
Oh!
-Dork!
-Buffoon!
After 14 years of
living cheek to jowl,
Wayne and I were
drowning in a rising tide
Of old comic books, smelly
sweatsocks, and petty disputes.
-Hey! That's mine!
-No, it's not!
-Give me that!
-No. No.
-Boys?!
- Right, dad.
- Right, dad.
-Don't touch my stuff.
-The thing is, it
wasn't our fault.
We were just two
guys trying to get by,
Trying to get... Out.
- Watch it!
- You watch it!
Not that there
wasn't a solution.
Karen's room...
150 Square feet of prime,
unoccupied real estate
Right next door
to where we lived.
-Excuse me.
-Just one little hitch.
-Mom, what are you doing?
-Just straightening up.
-It isn't fair.
-What, honey?
-Karen's at college. I
mean, she's never here.
How come she gets her own room?
-Yeah. What about us?
But if we were looking
for even-handed justice,
We were barking
up the wrong mom.
-Now, don't be silly.
You have a room.
That's the way
it's always been...
One room for the boys
And one for the girls.
-And there you had it.
By accident of birth,
we'd been doomed.
-[Slurping]
-Do you have to do that?
-Do what?
[Slurping]
-That.
-Hey, if you don't
like it, then leave.
-All right. I will.
But no matter how we tried
to get away from each other,
Something kept drawing us back.
-Kevin, are those wayne's
socks you're wearing?
-[Chuckles]
-You know, now
that I think of it,
I may have mixed up your
bureau drawers yesterday.
Did you boys notice
Whose underwear you
put on this morning?
-You wore his underwear? Eww!
-Look, just don't
remind me about it, okay?
-Man, I think I'd k*ll myself.
-Come on, guys, cut it out.
I mean, it's not that bad.
-Oh, yeah? What could be worse?
- Well, let me see.
- Paul, just drop it, okay?
-Sure.
Just... He is your brother.
You're lucky to have one.
-Easy for paul to say.
He didn't have a brother.
Paul, trust me.
I can't get away from
him. He's driving me crazy.
-Sure. But what
about the good things?
The camaraderie,
the easy give-and-take,
The heartfelt respect.
[Brakes squeal]
-Hey, butthead!
Don't touch my stuff!
[Car backfires]
-I still say you're lucky...
Having someone to talk to...
Someone there to
share your dreams...
Someone sleeping
next to you at night.
-[Snoring]
-[Sighs]
Wayne.
Wayne!
Wayne!
-What?
-Shut up, will you?
-No. You shut up.
-No. You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
Paul's theories aside...
- Why'd you wake me up?
- It was pretty clear
wayne and I had reached
The point of no return.
Ow!
- I don't snore.
-Yes, you do. I am living proof!
-No, I don't.
-It was time for a change.
The only question was, how...
And when?
-Now, shut up!
-More potatoes, honey?
-Mm.
Thanks, mom.
-My sister, karen, was
home from college,
Which could only mean
one of three things.
-So...
How's school?
-Great, dad.
-Grades?
-Okay, I think.
-Leaving only...
-Money?
-Well, that's what I want
to talk to you about.
-Here it came... The
mid-semester bite,
The freshman pinch.
-How much?
-Nothing.
I got a job.
-[Gags]
[Coughs]
A job?
-You're kidding.
-Job?
-Yes, dad. A job.
-Well, that's nice, honey.
What kind of a job?
-At the co-op, on campus
for the summertime.
-But I thought you were
coming home this summer.
-Nope.
I'm gonna be living up there.
-Now, let's take a moment
To consider what
just happened here.
My sister had told her family
She wouldn't be
home for the summer.
To my parents, that meant
losing their eldest child,
Their only girl,
their flesh and blood.
But to wayne and me, it meant
something much more immense.
Can we have her room?
- Can we have her room?
-Hmm.
Must have been
something we said.
-There they are.
-What do you mean
you're not coming home?
-But, daddy...
-You could tell karen was
fighting for her freedom.
But there was more than
just her freedom at stake here.
Man, I hope they let her go.
[Indistinct arguing]
[Swing creaking]
So, for the next hour, while
our future hung in the balance,
We waited...
-They got to let her go.
- Kind of like
expectant fathers.
-Think they're gonna let her go?
The funny thing is,
we actually had fun,
Hanging out, being together.
-I'm gonna get some
soda. You want some?
[Door opens]
Oh, no.
-It was pretty clear
what had happened.
-Well, guys...
I'm out of here.
Looks like the room's yours.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Oh, yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Oh, yes!
- Yes! Yes!
[cr*ck!]
Yes!
-Yes!
-So, the next day,
while mom and dad
Were bidding goodbye to
karen's summers at home...
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
Wayne and I were saying
farewell to an era.
It was almost poignant.
-Nice knowing you.
-Yeah.
You too.
-[Sighs]
Well...
-The time had come.
There was nothing
left to say but...
-See you, butthead.
-See you.
Just one little detail.
-So, when you leaving?
-Me?
No, I'm not leaving.
-What?
-I thought you were leaving.
-No.
No, I'm staying right
here. You're leaving.
-I don't think so.
-No. No.
No. See, this is my room.
-Wrong! This is my room.
That's your room.
And that's when the full horror
of what was transpiring hit us.
After more than
a decade of strife,
It had come down to this.
We'd clawed our way to
the very brink of freedom
From each other.
And now...
- Butthead!
- Idiot!
Suddenly... Get off
me, you stupid jerk!
We were going nowhere.
Butthead! It's my room!
Get off! Aah!
Aah!
- I'll k*ll you.
-Idiot!
-Okay.
Move out, you can have
anything on this bed.
-And so negotiations began.
I don't want
anything on this bed.
- What?
- It's all junk.
Why don't you take
something of mine?
-You must be joking.
-All right, fine. Suit yourself.
-I'll drive you to
school every day.
-In your car?
-Aaaah.
-Apparently our
negotiational skills
Left something to be desired.
-I'll pay you 10 bucks.
-No!
- $20.
- No!
-$1,000.
$100.
-Look, wayne, this
isn't about money, okay?
Whatever it was about,
this was too important
To be left to mere
dollars and cents.
-One, two, three, sh**t.
-So, we left it
up to blind luck.
-Odds... Mine.
1-Zip.
-What the heck?
At least this would settle
it, one way or the other.
-sh**t!
-Evens. 1-Up.
[ Chuckles]
-sh**t!
-Yes! Yes!
[Laughs]
There it was... An
indisputable victory.
I win.
-I don't know what
you're talking about.
-I win. Two out of three.
-It's the best
three out of five.
-No, it's not.
-Yes, it is.
- It's two out of three.
- Three out of five.
- Two out of three!
- Three out of five.
- Wayne, that's cheating.
- Fine.
You don't want to play fair?
Then we'll just
forget the whole thing.
-[ Whistling]
-The thing is, I
wasn't sure myself
Why wayne and I couldn't agree
On the one thing we
both wanted so much.
-So, uh...
Who's moving into karen's room?
- He is.
- He is.
All I knew was...
Neither one of us
was backing down.
-I don't get it.
What's the big
deal? It's just a room.
-Look, paul, it's
not that simple.
There are principles
at stake here.
-What principles?
-Well...
It's my room.
-True.
But it's his room, too, right?
And he is older, which
gives him seniority.
-Oh, okay. Go
ahead. Take his side.
-Well, sorry. But you did say...
-Well, just forget I
said anything, okay?
-Maybe he's just
afraid to be alone.
-What?
-Or maybe he's
afraid of the dark.
Oooooh!
-Very funny.
-Hey, everybody...
Kevin arnold's
afraid of the dark.
Oooooooh!
[Laughter]
- I am not!
So much for the counsel
of trusted friends.
Still, that night, a
thought occurred to me
That sent chills down my spine,
Something more terrifying
than ghosts and goblins.
Was it possible...
Just possible...
That I was actually
going to miss my brother?
[Water dripping]
Nah.
I had to shake this off.
It was time to work this out.
Time to unlock doors.
Wayne!
-Come in!
-What is this?
[Horn honking]
-This?
Well, let's just think of
this as traffic control.
-Meaning what?
-Meaning if you insist
on coming into my room,
You will obey the
traffic regulations.
You will stay in authorized
lanes at all times.
Otherwise...
There's a penalty.
-Wayne, you're
crazy. You know that?
-Oops. Over the line.
Sorry.
-[Scoffs]
-Out of bounds. Penalty.
-Wayne, I'm warning you.
-Too much time in the red zone.
Ah!
- That's it.
- Hey!
-Idiot! I'm gonna k*ll you.
-Get off me!
-Eat it!
-You punk!
Cut it out! Cut it out, scrote!
-Get off me!
[Glass breaking]
-The hell's going on here?
It's about that
damn room, isn't it?
- Look, dad...
- Fine.
You can't make a decision,
I'll make it for you.
Nobody gets it.
-But, dad...
-You heard me. Nobody.
I'll turn it into a den.
Uh, but, dad...
And I don't want to hear
another word about it.
You've been bickering
long enough.
Am I understood?
Good.
-We sat there, stunned
by one horrible irony...
In struggling to get apart,
We'd locked ourselves
together once again.
-That's it.
-Where are you going?
Wayne!
Wayne!
-[Grunts] b*at it!
-Wait... Wait up!
[Car door opens]
-You heard me.
Get out of here!
This is all your fault!
-Mine? Hey, I didn't...
-Look, I don't even
want to talk about it.
Now scram!
-Where are you going?
-Where does it
look like I'm going?
-Oh, you're gonna
sleep in your car?
-You got it, butthead.
-Well, why?
I mean, you got a bed in there.
-Because I would
rather sleep here
Than spend one more
night in that room with you!
-What?
-Don't you get it?
I'm sick of you.
I'm sick of seeing you.
I'm sick of hearing you.
And I'm sick of knowing you.
Now get out of here!
[Car door slams]
-It wasn't just what
he said that hurt.
It was the fact
that he meant it.
[Zipper closes]
And at that moment,
I felt... Betrayed.
After 14 years of
putting up with the guy,
A guy virtually no
one could stand,
He had the nerve to
say a thing like that?
-Hey, cut it out!
I said cut it out, scrote!
-But I didn't care.
I was sick of wayne.
For the first time in my
life, I truly wanted him gone.
And then...
Wayne went.
-Hey!
-Wayne!
Wayne!
Wayne!
- Help!
-Wayne, unlock the door!
-I can't!
- Unlock the door!
- I can't!
-Wayne! Wayne!
-You're gonna pay for that!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaah!
-Sometimes it takes a tragedy
to put things in perspective.
Sometimes it takes
a worn-out brake,
Five trash cans, and
a busted fire hydrant.
In any event...
I'll take karen's room.
That night, wayne and I
reached an understanding.
-No.
I'll take it.
-No. No, really.
I'll take the room.
-No. I want it, really.
-No. It's okay. I'll
take it, really.
-No, no, no. I
know it's okay, kev.
-Wayne, I'll take the room.
-It's okay. I'll take the room.
It's all right.
-No. Wayne, don't
worry about it.
I'll take the room. It's fine.
-No, I'm not worried.
I mean, I want the room.
-I know you don't. I'll take it.
'Cause I know you'd
rather be in our room.
In the end, dad flipped a coin.
-It was our room growing up.
I'd rather you
have it now, okay?
-Childhood is a struggle.
In struggling to separate
ourselves from one another,
Wayne and I had also
struggled to stay together.
In order to break apart,
we'd had to hurt each other.
And now...
We'd done what we had to do.
[Knock on wall]
[Knock on wall]
[Knock on wall]
[Knock, knock]
The thing is, even today,
On nights when I lie in bed
Listening to my
children in their rooms,
Breathing next to one another,
I wish for them
What my parents had
wished for my brother and me.
[Projector whirring]
I wish for them what we had.