04x12 - Everyone Can't Be George Washington

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Brady Bunch". Aired: September 1969 to March 1974.*
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A woman with three daughters marries a widower with three sons.
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04x12 - Everyone Can't Be George Washington

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Here's the story
of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair
of gold like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must ♪

♪ Somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪

He's still at it.

Incredible.

Just a moment, Corporal.

Notify the drill sergeant

that General Washington

is ready to inspect the troops.

Get somebody
else to notify them.

I don't want to
be late for school.

Why don't you knock off

the George Washington routine?

I have to practice
for my audition.

It's the biggest part
in the school play.

Keep it up, George.

You'll be the first general

who ever got kicked
out of his room.

All right men, hear this:

Tonight we cross the Delaware

and att*ck the
British at Trenton.

Okay, who am I supposed to be?

Mickey Mouse.

Mickey Mouse?!

She's only kidding, honey.

We know you were being
George Washington. You did?

Sure. Good luck, General.

We will be rooting for you

at your audition today.

Thanks. I'm off...
to Valley Forge.

( whistles)

Hold it, General.

It might be a long, hard winter.

Better take your lunch.

Oh, it's beautiful, Mike.

Yeah. Mrs. Foster
called it her dream house.

What did Mr. Foster call it?

Well, when he heard the price,

he told her to stop dreaming.

JAN: Mom? Dad? Where are you?

Yeah, honey. We're in here.

Oh, I really like... Guess what!

What?

I got picked to be
in the school play

about George Washington.

Oh, that's terrific!
Hey, congratulations.

Well, I'm not exactly in it.

I mean, not as an actor.

What are you going
to be... The cherry tree?

You're close. I'm in charge

of the scenery
and special effects.

Hey, now that's quite a job.

How did you get picked for that?

Well, I'm the only one in school

with the most
important qualification.

What qualification?

I have a father
who's an architect.

Oh...

Will you help me
design the scenery, Dad?

Sure. How about that?

200 years after the
Revolutionary w*r,

and I get drafted for it.

Hey, how did Peter
do in the auditions?

Well, he must have
done great 'cause,

when I left, he was all smiles.

Good. Oh, good.

Hi. Hi.

Hey, wait a minute.
Why the long face?

Yeah, I've seen you look happier

the day before report cards.

Didn't the audition go well?

It went fine. Miss
Bailey said I was terrific.

Hah! Thank goodness,
There, for a minute,

I thought you
didn't get the part.

I didn't. Miss Bailey said

lots of guys could play
George Washington.

She wanted me to
take the harder part.

Well, that's a compliment.
What's the part?

Benedict Arnold.

It's a smaller part,

and Benedict Arnold
even has to die at the end.

Well, that's better than
dying at the beginning.

Right.

Well, I'm not going to do it.

I'm quitting the play.

Peter... Peter...

That's not like you, honey.

You've never quit
anything before.

But I wanted to be
George Washington.

Oh, honey, everybody
can't be George Washington.

Remember that time
on your baseball team?

You wanted to be the pitcher

but the coach needed
you in the outfield?

Did you quit?

No.

Well, it's the same
with Miss Bailey.

She needs her best
players in the right parts.

She must think you could be
a very good Benedict Arnold.

I guess I could.

Unless you think the
part is too hard for you.

Are you kidding?

I can do it easy.

General Washington,
I, Benedict Arnold,

place myself under your command.

That's the spirit, Benedict.

You go do your homework

and I'll keep an eye
out for the redcoats.

Is that the way you
want the clouds, Jan?

Yeah, that's good...
dark and gloomy. Right.

What are you painting, Cindy?

I'm painting the moon.

I already did the moon.

I'm fixing it up.

What did you do that for?

I think everybody
should have a nice day.

Even George Washington.

( loud hammering)

Greg, how's it going?

How's it look?

Great, but aren't the
waves kind of high?

Because when you put
them in front of the boat,

you won't be able
to see the boat.

Well, there's only
one thing to do...

Either we raise the boat
or we lower the Delaware.

Hi.

Hi. Well, what do you think?

It looks exactly like the boat

that's in the picture
of George Washington.

Yeah, well, not exactly.

This boat has one thing

that even George
Washington's boat didn't have.

What?

Roller skates.

( both laughing)

( with deep voice): Come in.

Ah. Major Andre, I presume.

Won't you... have a seat?

Thank you, General Arnold.

My Commander, General Clinton,

of the British Fifth Army,

sends his compliments.

Is that all he sent, Major?

I don't understand, sir.

I refer to the money for
the plans to West Point...

The key to the
American defenses.

I trust the British

don't expect them for nothing.

If I, General Benedict Arnold,

hero of the Battle
of Ticonderoga,

is going to betray his country,

he expects to be paid for it,

and handsomely.

I'm here to discuss
the terms, old chap.

There'll be no discussion!

The price is
£10,000, Major Andre.

10,000 pounds of what?!

That's British money, dummy.

Major Andre was
a British officer.

( affecting accent): Oh, I see.

Lower your voice, sir.

If you were discovered
on American soil,

it could mean both our necks.

But £10,000, General Arnold!

Turning traitor doesn't
come easy to me, Major,

and it won't come cheap
to the British armies.

That's terrific.

You were great, General Arnold.

And you weren't bad
either, Major Andre.

Thanks, old chap.

But the major's cutting out

for a spot of milk.

You know, Benedict Arnold's
not an easy part to play, Mom.

Well, that's probably why Miss
Bailey wanted you to play it.

I guess it was like
you were saying.

Not everybody can
be George Washington.

Some guys are
better in the outfield.

And from what I've
read George Washington

wouldn't have been a
very good outfielder either.

Why?

He barely made it

when he threw that
dollar across the Potomac.

Lower your voice, sir.

If you were discovered
on American soil,

it could mean both our necks.

Hey, that's terrific, g*ng.

Okay, everybody, ready?

Ready. Yeah.

All right, here we go.

Row, row... Hey, watch it.

Hey, there's a switch.

The boat stayed afloat
and the waves sank.

Better watch out for sharks.

( all shouting suggestions)

Attaboy.

( chuckles)

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Everybody in the boat?

Ready? Okay, here we go.

( excited chatter)

Hi, Peter. What are you doing?

Studying my script.

I'm in the school play.

Oh, that's wonderful.

I'm playing Benedict Arnold.

Benedict Arnold?

Yeah. It's a great part.

Well, it is if you
like being a traitor.

Hey, Pete.

Hi, Harv.

Did you get the part
of George Washington?

I could have, but Miss
Bailey gave me a better part.

A real tough part. Which one?

Well, it's the toughest
part for a guy to play.

Uh... Betsy Ross?

No. Benedict Arnold.

Benedict Arnold?!

Yeah. How about that?

Traitor.

Hey, Steve, what's the hurry?

I'm going over to the park.

We're getting up a
ball game. Come on.

I'll be over right
after rehearsal.

I'm in the school play.

Yeah? What part did you get?

Benedict Arnold.

Benedict Arnold?

( hissing)

Very funny.

Save me a place
on the team, will you?

What for? So you can
throw the game, Benedict?

There'll be no discussion.

The price is
£10,000, Major Andre.

But that's a lot of
money, General.

Lower your voice.

If you are discovered
on American soil,

it can mean both our necks.

But £10,000, General Arnold.

A small price to ensure

the capture of West
Point by the British.

Anyway, I might not

even sell the plans, after all.

Peter, that's not in the script.

The line is,

"Turning traitor doesn't
come easy to me, Major."

Miss Bailey, does Benedict
Arnold have to be a traitor?

What?

I mean, wouldn't it be better

if Major Andre stole the plans,

and we made Benedict
Arnold the good guy?

Peter, we can't rewrite
the American Revolution.

According to all
the history books,

Benedict Arnold was a traitor.

But the books could be wrong.

I mean, there wasn't
anybody in the room

but the two guys
when it happened.

Why can't we give the American
guy the benefit of the doubt?

Peter, I think we'd
better stick with the script.

Well, that's enough for today.

Cast dismissed till tomorrow.

What are you trying to do...

Make me the rat for
stealing the plans?

Major Andre could have done it.

Boy, that was a
pretty crummy trick.

Well, no one knows for sure.

When they picked
you to be the traitor,

they really picked the
right guy. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah?

Hey, Peter... come here.

What happened?

Where did you get
that bloody nose?

At rehearsal.

What were you rehearsing...
The Boston m*ssacre?

I got in a fight with
one of the guys.

I'm getting fed up

with everybody teasing me...

Calling me a traitor...

All the guys booing
and hissing me.

Pete, don't let it get you down.

It's just a part in a play.

Well, Miss Bailey
can get someone else

to play Benedict Arnold.

You're not quitting, are you?

You'd better believe it.

You can't quit. You
promised Mom and Dad.

Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I?

Okay, I won't quit.

Attaboy.

I've got a better idea.

I'll get myself
thrown out of the play.

Thank you, General Arnold.

My commander, General
Clinton of the British Fifth Army,

sends his compliments.

Go on, Peter. You
have the next line.

I'm sorry, Miss Bailey.

Can you give me the first word?

"Is."

Is. Is, uh... uh...?

Is, uh...?

Can you give me the second word?

"Is that all he sent, Major?"

Is that all he sent, Major?

I don't understand, sir.

I refer to the money for
the plans to, uh... uh...

What's the name of the place?

West Point, dumb-dumb.

Peter, what is wrong?

You were fine up until now.

I guess it's because

I'm reading out of my script.

My memory's just no good.

Oh, you're probably just having

a little att*ck of
nerves, that's all.

Suppose I get a big
att*ck the night of the play?

Maybe you should
get someone else.

Let me have your script, Peter.

I don't blame you

for taking away my
part, Miss Bailey.

If I can't remember my
lines, I shouldn't be in the play.

Peter, come here.

This is an old actor's trick.

Now, we just paste your lines

on top of these
plans to West Point.

Then, if you get stuck,

all you have to do is read them.

I'll bet you never
thought of that.

No, I didn't.

Oh, Mom, wait till you see it.

It looks so neat, and
it works really good.

Oh, oh.

It's for the scene where
George Washington

chops down the cherry tree.

I'll be George Washington.

Did Dad design that for you?

Yeah, but I made an improvement.

Watch. When Bobby
chops it the tree will fall over.

Okay, chop, Bobby.

( laughing)

Yeah, that's a very
interesting improvement.

( both laughing)


Coming to breakfast?

I'll be down in a
couple of minutes.

Pete, look, if
you're still trying

to get out of that
play, forget it.

There's no way out.

There's got to be a way out.

Ow, ow, ow... (
shouting): Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

CAROL: Peter!

Peter, are you all
right? What happened?

I tripped over the skate
and twisted my ankle.

Let me see.

Oh, Mike, what do you think?

I don't know.

Well, the skin's not broken.

There doesn't
seem to be swelling.

Huh. Maybe you ought to
stay home from school today.

Uh, no, no. I don't
want to miss rehearsal

for the play... I'll be okay.

You sure? Yeah.

BAILEY: All right, now, girls,
you try on your costumes.

And, boys, we'll try
the Valley Forge scene.

Hi, Miss Bailey. Sorry I'm late.

Peter, what happened to you?

Well, there was this
roller skate in my room,

and while I was practicing
my lines, I tripped over it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Does it hurt?

The pain's not bad.

It's just that I can't
walk without this limp.

So I guess I'm out of the show.

I wouldn't dream
of letting you go.

Huh? You don't want a
Benedict Arnold who limps!

Peter, didn't you know?

Benedict Arnold was wounded
at the Battle of Saratoga.

He had a limp for
the rest of his life.

He did?

Which leg?

Same one as yours.

Isn't that lucky?

Yeah, really lucky.

Okay, I think we're about
ready for winter at Valley Forge.

Okay, here goes.

Hey, terrific!

I'm beginning to
feel cold already.

Jan! Telephone. Miss
Bailey from school.

Oh. Well, she
probably wants to know

about the sets for
dress rehearsal.

Now, be careful, honey. Okay.

Hi.

Hey, aren't you
home from rehearsal

a little bit early?

( hoarsely): I can't talk. Huh?

Laryngitis.

Well, that's sudden.
When did it happen?

During rehearsal.

Will you be able to do
your part in the play?

Miss Bailey's
getting someone else.

What luck.

That's tough, Pete...

Especially after all the time

you put in on it.

I better go gargle or something.

His laryngitis seems
to have cured his ankle.

Yeah. I noticed that, too.

What's the matter, Jan?

Well, the play is off

because Peter has laryngitis.

Miss Bailey said to
just stop making the sets

because she can't find
a replacement in time.

Did you tell Peter that?

No, I didn't have the heart to.

It would make him feel
worse if he knew that.

Let's see how much worse.

( knock on door)

( regular voice): Come in.

( hoarsely): I was
just going to go gargle.

Peter, you must really feel bad

about having to drop
out of the play this way.

Oh, yeah, real bad.

Peter, this morning
it was your ankle;

this afternoon it's laryngitis.

Now, I want you
to level with us.

You don't want to be
in that play, do you?

No, I don't.

Well, why, Peter? You
said you were gonna be

the best Benedict Arnold ever.

Well, you don't know what it's
been like... everybody riding me,

booing and hissing me,
'cause I'm playing a traitor.

Oh, come on, listen,
because you dropped out,

the whole play is off.
What do you mean, off?

Miss Bailey can
get someone else.

No, honey, she can't...
There isn't enough time.

Gee, I-I never
thought that'd happen.

Yes, and you let a whole lot
of people down, too, you know.

All those kids who worked
on the show, and Miss Bailey,

and even the audience.

You know, that's pretty much

what the real Benedict
Arnold did, isn't it?

I never thought of it that way.

Yes, but that's the
way it is, isn't it, Peter?

Yeah. If I don't play the
part of a traitor, I'll be a traitor.

Well, that's just about it.

I'm here to discuss
the terms, old chap.

There will be no discussion!

The price is
£10,000, Major Andre.

That's a lot of money, General.

Lower your voice, sir.

If you are discovered
on American soil,

it could mean both our necks.

But £10,000, General Arnold.

A small price to ensure
the capture of West Point

by the British.

Turning traitor doesn't
come easy to me,

and it won't come cheap
to the British armies.

Very good, boys!

Draw the curtain, please!

Donna, your speech comes now.

Major Andre was captured
and convicted as a spy.

But what of Benedict Arnold,
who fled to the English side

to serve against his country
for the rest of the w*r?

We take you now to a
country home in England

21 years later.

( applause)

I fear the end is near.

It grows darker, ever darker.

But my poor, dear husband.

Hark!

Who goes there?

Give me the password.

His mind wanders
in his last moments.

Benedict, it is your wife Peggy.

Do you not recognize my voice?

Yes, it is Peggy.

My mind plays me tricks.

I'm going fast.

Oh, my dear beloved.

My life passes before me.

Once again I am
bargaining with Major Andre

for the price of my betrayal.

Oh, forgive me.

I die a broken man.

He sleeps at last.

I can't sleep.

I am haunted by the
nightmare of my past.

Oh, forgive me.

I forgive you. Not you.

I beg forgiveness of
George Washington

and the United
States of America,

to whom I pledge my
allegiance for now and evermore.

Wife, wouldst give
me my old uniform?

On the instant, dear heart.

Honey, Peter forgot
to take his boots off

after that last scene.

I guess he wants to
die with his boots on.

Here it is, dear spouse...
Your old uniform.

Thank you, wife.

( coughing)

May God forgive me

for ever putting
on another uniform.

He is gone.

Benedict Arnold is no more.

That's fine, children.

I just hope our performance
goes as well tomorrow night.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to thank you
all for being here,

and a special
thanks to Mr. Brady

for helping us with our sets,

and to Mrs. Dineen for
her work on the costumes.

Thank you.

( applause)

Hey.

Well, how was I?

Aw, you were terrific.

You were just great.

Miss Bailey, you did a
wonderful job with the kids.

Oh, thank you.

You deserve credit, too.

How did you ever get Peter
over his laryngitis so quickly?

Well, we used an
old family remedy.

Oh, I'll bet I know...
That dreadful stuff

you have to mix something
sweet with to get it down.

No, Miss Bailey, Dad
just gave it to me straight.

Oh, Mike.

I, George Washington,
your Commander in Chief,

command you to
row for the far shore.

Will you cut that out, Pete?

You're Benedict
Arnold in that play.

I know, but I still think

I could have done a
great George Washington.

I can just see myself

standing on the bow of the boat

crossing the Delaware.

I, George Washington,
your Commander in Chief,

command you to
row for the far shore.

Uh... General, you know,

there's one thing missing.

What's that?

The spray of water in your face.

( laughs)
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