06x01 - Homecoming

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Wonder Years". Aired: January 1988 to May 1993.*
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06x01 - Homecoming

Post by bunniefuu »

-There was a road that ran
near the edge of my town,

Out where the suburbs
were still farms.

I used to go there
nights, that autumn of 1972.

I was 16.

I had a girl. I had
a car. I had a job.

I was full of night and life.

I just wasn't ready to go home.

That year, I traveled streets
I'd never known before.

I pushed against the
limits of my suburban life.

I had no idea exactly
what lay ahead.

All I knew was... I was
running out of time.

And I was gonna bust if
something didn't happen... Soon.

-♪ Baby ♪

-♪ By with a little
help from my friends ♪

-♪ Said I'm gonna make
it with my friends ♪

-♪ Try with a little
help from my friends ♪

-♪ Oh, I'm gonna
keep on trying ♪

-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪

♪ I'm gonna keep on
trying now, baby ♪

-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

-Peace with honor
and not surrender.

-Halt the bombing

And then terminate our
involvement in this tragic w*r.

-In 1972, the country was at w*r

With its armies...
With its ideals...

With itself.

The dreams of the '60s
were battling a new decade.

Things were
happening everywhere.

Almost everywhere.

-Open your books to
chapter 6, section 13.

"The rise of
post-agricultural europe."

-11Th grade.

The no-man's-land
of public education.

-Now... Who can tell me
another name for this era?

How about... The
industrial revolution?

-Oh! Oh!

The industrial revolution?

-Excellent.

-It was grim.

In the w*r between
the board of education

And the class of '74...

Things had pretty much
reached a standoff...

- Mr. Arnold!
- For most of us.

-How about you?

-Me?

-Not that I'd been
neglecting my studies.

I'd been studying a lot.

-Do you have anything
to contribute?

-Uh... Yeah.

-Sure. How much
did you have in mind?

-I'd been studying
to be a wise guy.

-I'll be expecting a 10-page
report from you on monday.

-Not very successfully.

-Right.

-Okay, so my act needed work.

Like most of my generation,

I was dealing with bigger
concepts than schoolwork,

Concepts like...
Interconference w*r.

-What's this about?

-Are you kidding?

It's the homecoming game
against the owls this weekend.

It's only the biggest
event of the whole year.

-Oh.

-Paul pfeiffer...

Class president, civic booster.

-Up a little bit on the left.

-Naturally, I was proud of him.

-Come on, paul. Loosen up.

I mean, it's just a game.
What's the big deal?

- "What's the big deal?"

I'll tell you what
the big deal is.

It's those stupid owls.
They stole our knight.

-Which was true.

It happened in broad daylight.

A daring 3:00 raid.

-Hey! Hey, let... Let go!

-It was the biggest
scandal to hit school

Since charlie
mandelseck got caught

Sniffing magic markers
in the art-supply closet.

-So, they stole
our knight. So what?

Can't we just get another one?

-Very funny.

-Hey, what's this all about?

- Homecoming game.
- Oh.

-I'm assuming you'll be there?

-I don't know. I might have to
spend the weekend with my dad.

- That was jeff billings,
new guy in school.
- Looks good.

-Believe it or not, he was
the first kid I ever knew

Whose parents were divorced.

-Maybe you could bring
your dad to the game.

-No, you know, then my mom
would get all upset and I'll have to

Spend the rest of the
week eating cold meat loaf.

-Well, that sounds pretty dumb.

-Oh, great, yeah. That's
easy for you to say.

I mean, your parents are
still having sex together.

-They are not!

-Yeah, you had to like this kid.

He was kind of
like me... A wise guy.

-Kevin!

-And then there was winnie.

-I missed you today.

I thought about
you in chemistry.

-Yeah, I thought
about you in biology.

-Winnie cooper...

The hair, the smile,
the whole ball of wax.

We did everything together.

-So, can I give you a lift?

-Well, almost everything.

-Oh.

-Yeah... About the car.

-Look, I told you. I
didn't have a choice.

Mr. Chong made me put it on
if I wanted the delivery job.

-Uh... Pick me up at the
side entrance, okay?

Thanks!

-It was my first taste

Of what they call the
working man's blues.

Not that I was complaining,
you understand.

-Hi, honey.

-I had my father to do that.

-How was work? Everything okay?

-Lousy.

-Well, that's nice.

-Hey, suckers!

- What's for dinner?
- Well...

-Never mind. I'll just
make something myself.

-My brother, wayne.

He'd gone to work in the mail
room at dad's company, norcom.

$89.50 a week, take-home.

-Don't forget to unwrap
that before you eat it.

Vanish, scrote.

-Not only that, he'd
moved into new digs

In the basement.

His own personal,
customized rat's nest.

He was happy as a clam in mud.

-Well, I guess it's
only three for dinner.

-No, actually, I got to go.

-Go where?

-Out.

- Out?
- You know, out. I got things to do.

-What kind of things?

-Things, dad.

-Well, then... Drive carefully.

-Right, dad.

-Don't get into trouble.

-Right, dad.

And be home by 11:00.

-There it was.

The boundless trust
of parents who loved me.

-Thanks.

-It was touching. Really.

Mountain view drive.
Also known as "the point."

-Hey!

-The final b*ttlefield in
the w*r between the sexes.

Not that I had those
kind of problems.

I had winnie.

-Wait.

I love this song.

Wait. Can we roll down
the window a little?

Wait.

- "Wait." It was
kind of her motto.

-I have to get
something from my purse.

-You had to hand it to winnie.

When it came to safe sex,
she was ahead of her time.

She came armed with every
device known to modern woman,

Including...

-Gum?

-Of course, in retrospect, I
really admire her restraint.

In retrospect.

-Look, winnie, are we really
gonna keep doing this?

-Doing what?

-Well... You know...
Starting, stopping.

-Mostly stopping.

-Don't you think it's time
we went a little further?

-What exactly do
you mean... "Further"?

-Well, you know...

I... We...

-Kevin...

-And that was the great
thing about the girl.

-Did you know your car
smells like pork lo mein?

-Her sense of smell.

-Yeah. I knew that.

-And there you had it.

I was living in a world
where "go" meant "stop,"

Where "yes" meant "no,"

While out there,
in the real world...

Things were happening...
Things that mattered.

-Hey, wayne!

-Things that made
men out of boys.

What's up?

Hey, man!

How you doing?

-David... Look at you.

- Wart. Good to see you.

-Thanks. It's good to be back.

-Look at all those
medals. Were you wounded?

-Ah, it was nothing, really.

-Yeah, mom. He's fine.

-Yeah!

-It was awesome.

Wayne's pal, dave wirtschafter,

Had left for vietnam a goofy kid

And come home
from his tour a hero.

-So... Was it bad?

Well, you know...

Hey, man! You
haven't changed a bit!

-Yeah. Well, uh...

I got my driver's
license. On the first try.

-That's great!

-Yeah.

-Well, we're all very
proud of you, son.

Very proud.

-Yeah. And, hey, I got a
new room in the basement.

It's really cool.
You want to see it?

- Yeah, sure!
- All right!

-But this much was clear.

While the rest of us

Were playing with
tinkertoys and riding bikes,

This guy had been there,
earning his stripes...

Taking risks.

-That's pathetic. Look at that.

-What happened?

-They gave him back.

-Well, that's good, right?

- No. They kept his armor, man.
- Oh.

-Oh, fine. Be that way.

I'm just saying, someone
ought to do something about it.

-Yeah, you know,
I mean, he's right.

We could write a letter
or something like that.

- We should file a complaint.
- Yeah, knight-napping.

-Or we can steal their owl.

-Hmm.

-Ah, no. Forget it, man.

I mean, we don't even
know where they keep it.

-Hey, I know where they keep it.

I got a friend who
goes to central.

-Bingo.

And so, that night,

Thanks to fate and
ricky halsenbach...

-Guys? Is that you?

- I saw my chance to go to w*r.

-Put this in the back.

-Holy cow!

-Sure, maybe it was crazy.

-Forget it. I'll do it myself.

-But in some way, it was
absolutely necessary.

What's going on out there?

What's going on out
there?! Put that cage down!

Let's get out of here, man!

-You hear me?!

-Come on! Let's go!

Kev! Let's get out of here!
- Put that cage down!

-It was heady. It was wild.

It was...
- Stop!

Stop!

-It was... A total fiasco.

Al, more fries!

-The next day,

While the rest of the world
was chowing down on french fries,

I was eating crow.

-I don't believe it. How
could I blow it like that?

I mean, we were there.
We had it. And then...

I mean, I blew it. Right?

-Fact... The great owl
heist had been a bust.

-Hey, aren't you
gonna say anything?

-You got some
ketchup on your shirt.

-Hey!

Hear you blew it last
night, huh, big guy?

- Uh-oh.
- What?

-Oh, it's all over town.

Some bozos tried
to raid central high.

-What makes you think it was me?

-Oh... Intuition.

Plus the guard said he saw a car

With some stupid dragon
painted on the side.

Nice going, 007. Thanks.

-Perfect.

-I was on my way to becoming
the town laughingstock...


As opposed to,
say, the local hero.

-So, what was it
like? Was it scary?

-Well, you know, it
wasn't really much.

-Are you kidding?! This
guy was everywhere!

Tell 'em, wart.

-Well, I spent a little
time in pleiku and quang tri

And down in the delta.

Hey, but I did my
r&r in hong kong.

Man, that was something!
- Yeah, that was something!

Listen to this, guys.

There was this place...
- Look at that.

The way my brother
was grandstanding,

You'd think he'd
been driving a t*nk

Instead of pushing a mail cart.

-So, did you k*ll anybody?

-What?

Uh, no. No, nothing like that.

-Yeah? What are
you talking about?

Nothing like that.

Okay, everybody. Show's over.

Bye-bye now. Have fun.

Don't forget your homework.
Don't stay up too late.

Tell your sister I say hi.

-Hey, you know, I was thinking,

Maybe I ought to
change out of my clothes.

Get into my civvies, right?

-Yeah, all right.

And I'll pick you up tonight.
We'll go to the game.

-There's a game?

-Yeah, it'll be fun.
We'll goof on it.

- All right, sure.
- Let me try this on.

-And of course it was only fair.

After all, in life, some
guys get the glory...

-Hey, kev. Heard you guys
blew it big-time last night.

- While some guys
end up with nothing

But a kick in the pants.

Homecoming night. The big game.

Everyone who was
anyone was there.

-Hey, guys! You're late!

-Yeah, well, we had to
park kind of far away.

-Where?

-The baseball field.

-Well, at least you're here.
And it's gonna be a great game.

Except for halftime,

When they fly that stupid
owl around the stadium.

-Paul.

-Oh. Right. Sorry.

-Yeah, this was some
fun. Boola boola.

-Kevin, aren't you gonna sit?

-Uh... No, thanks. I'm
gonna get us some sodas.

-Figured I had all night
to be laughed out of town.

Might as well fortify
myself with a cold one.

-Wart!

-Hey. How you doing?

-Good. Good.

-Boy, sure is crowded, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Lot of people.

- Hey, wart.
- Hey.

-The funny thing
is, out of uniform,

He looked like...
The old goofy wart.

- Gangway, scrote!
- Watch it, butthead!

-Hey. Hey, that's "mr.
Butthead" to you, okay?

-m*rder*r!

-What was that?

-Uh... Nothing.

Hey, forget it. It didn't
mean anything, okay?

- Yeah. They probably just...
- Yeah, sure.

Hey, listen. I'm gonna
take a walk, okay?

- Okay, well, I'll go with you.
- Nah, that's okay.

Um, I'm gonna check
out the old school.

I'll be back. Really.
Save my seat.

-Yeah, okay, well,
I'll see you there.

-What the heck.

You had to figure

Where he'd been, the guy
could take care of himself.

Besides, no sense letting
a few rotten apples

Spoil the whole night.

-Hey, arnold, catch
any owls lately?

-Two colas and
hold the wisecracks.

-Of course, looking
back, I was being childish,

Thin-skinned,
oversensitive... 16.

-Oh! Excuse me!

-All I knew was, I was fed up...

With football,
with stupid mascots.

And that's when I heard it.

It was almost too
good to be true,

As if I'd planned it...
Even though I hadn't.

We stood there... Eye to
eye. It was like he knew me.

-Here, boy. You're
coming with me.

-I had only one thought.

I wasn't gonna
blow it this time.

-Yes, yes, yes!

I made it out to
the baseball field

In about two minutes flat.

-I did it.

-The thing is, I had no plan,
no idea of what to do next.

It didn't matter.

All I knew was...
- I did it.

-I'd seen my chance.
I'd taken the risk.

I'd earned my stripes.

-Wart?

Wart, is that you?

Wart!

Hey.

This is perfect!

I got it.

I got their mascot.
I got the owl.

-And I guess that's
when I saw it clearly.

He was sitting on that bench...

On the third-base line...

And his clothes were in a
little pile on the ground.

-Oh, god.

-Wart?

Wart?

Wart, what you doing, man?

-Nothing.

-Hey, man. Looks like
you lost your clothes.

-I know.

Nothing seems to fit anymore.

-Here you go.

Wear mine.

-It's okay. It's okay.

-They say men are children.

But sometimes...
Children are men.

Maybe that's where
the confusion lies.

All I knew was,

That night, the world
seemed suddenly very big...

And I felt very small.

So I did what I could.

- We want!
- We want!

- We want a touchdown!
- We want a touchdown!

- We want, we want!
- We want, we want!

- We want a touchdown!
- We want a touchdown!

- We want, we want!
- We want, we want!

- We want a touchdown!
- We want a touchdown!

-1972 Was a crazy time.

-Three!

-Kids played football,
drove cars, went to school,

Celebrated life...

- While soldiers...
Heroes, their brothers...

Struggled to find
their way home from w*r.

And young boys watched...

And grew wiser...

In their dreams.
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