05x14 - Kelly's Kids

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Brady Bunch". Aired: September 1969 to March 1974.*
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A woman with three daughters marries a widower with three sons.
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05x14 - Kelly's Kids

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of
a man named brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men
living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the brady bunch ♪

♪ The brady bunch ♪

♪ The brady bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the brady bunch ♪

Get it, get it!

Get that out of here.

(Greg) come on, peter.

[All shouting]

(Greg) come on, peter. Go!

You know something?

Your kids were our inspiration.

Your inspiration?

Mmm-hmm.

After those talks
with you and mike...

Well, look.

Oh, mike, look. Isn't he cute?

(Mike) yeah.

(Kathy) that's matt.

Matt?

He's 8 years old and all ours.

After tomorrow, he's our son.

Your son? Yeah.

Oh, congratulations.
Oh, that's wonderful.

Thank you.

Hey, that's why you
got the bigger house.

Yeah. We didn't
want to say anything

Until after all the
adoption papers were final.

Oh, you're gonna
love being parents.

It is so much fun
watching them grow,

Seeing them learn,
sharing their love.

[Children shouting]

Hey! Hey, where's the... Bobby!

Basket!

Basket, on the table!

[Children shrieking]

Like I said,

They've given us
nothing but delight.

[Shrieking continues]

And a little bit of
high blood pressure.

No fair.

Kids! Hey!

Hey! What?

Hold it down to
a small roar, huh?

Oh.

(Carol) oh, he is such
a cute little boy.

Oh, he's sweet, he's
bright, he's open.

He's adorable.

And he's housebroken.

Which is more than you
can say for your kids

When you got 'em.

Wow!

[Birds chirping]

[Inaudible]

Wow!

Wow!

This is the best room
in the whole world.

Wow!

Not just toys,

You've got a lot
more than that, son.

Yeah.

Racing cars. Real racing cars.

A-and a real father
and a real mother.

There are lots of
crayons in the desk?

I love to draw.

I'm gonna be an artist,

And a baseball player,

And a fireman,

And a cowboy, and an astronaut.

How about a nuclear scientist?

Ok.

Oh, ok.

[Chuckles]

Oh, ho.

[Chuckles]

You b*at me again?

You must be a terrific
checker player.

The other kids
b*at me all the time.

You must be rotten.

Here's where we
keep the toothpaste.

And here's a brand new
toothbrush for you.

Thanks.

Mmm-hmm.

Here you go.

Mom. Hmm?

I can brush my own teeth.

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Sighs]

I go to bathroom by myself, too.

Ooh. Oh, right, of course.

Oh, it's been a long, hard day.

For him or for us?

For all of us, I think.

He should be asleep
in no time at all.

Do I have to go to sleep?

You guessed it.

Ok, off to bed now. Come on.

God bless mr. And mrs. Kelly.

I mean, mom and dad.

Miss phillips.

That's the lady at the home.

Dwayne and steve,
they're my 2 best pals,

And joe, and julie, and hope,

And wendy, and
paul, and margaret,

And randy, and
barbara, and jeannie,

And tommy.

Is that all the children?

No. I left out karen martin.

She bit me once.

Oh, well, that explains that.

Into bed.

Yeah. Come on.

In you go.

[Doorbell rings]

Well, good evening, mr. Kelly.

Oh, mrs. Payne.

Uh, mr. Kelly, I'll come
right to the point.

When you moved in next door,

Mr. Payne and I didn't
realize that you had children.

As a matter of fact, we didn't.

Matt just joined
our family today.

Oh.

An adopted child.

Yes, an adopted child.

Oh. Well, be that as it may,

Uh, mr. Payne and I
don't have children

And we like to
keep our home neat.

Boys trample flowers,
break windows,

And write on walls,

Sometimes dreadful things.

I don't think you have anything

To worry about, mrs. Payne.

Well, I hope not.

Our houses are
rather close together.

Oh, by the way, mr. Kelly,

I understand that you're in, um,

Show business.

I do a nightclub act.

Well, I suppose someone must.

[Sniffling]

[Matt sniffling]

Matt, what's the matter?

N-nothing.

Does something hurt you?

No. I was just thinking
about something.

Well, about what?

About dwayne and steve

And all the other
kids at the home.

Well, there are... There
are lots of children

In our neighborhood.

Yeah, but, we always used to
go to sleep at the same time.

Dwayne on that side
and steve on that side.

[Sniffles]

You'll have lots of
new friends soon.

I don't want new friends.

Dwayne and steve are
the best friends I ever had

In my whole life.

Well, uh, we can visit them.

Can we really?

That's a promise.

Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad.

That's ok, son.

Go back to sleep now.

[Crickets chirping]

He finally fell asleep.

Right.

Yeah, I can hardly wait
to tell ken about it.

Ok, bye-bye.

What? Tell me what?

That was carol
brady on the phone,

And... And I was telling her
about how lonesome matt was,

And we came up with an
absolutely terrific idea.

Yeah, what is it?

It's really great.

Yeah, I know it's great.
I also know it's terrific.

There's only one thing
I don't know, what is it?

Oh, didn't I tell... Oh, sorry.

Carol said the
reason the brady kids

Are never lonesome is

Because there's always
another kid around.

Oh, I think I
know "what is it?".

Adopt another kid?

Right! Right!

It should be much
easier this time.

I mean, we've been through
all of that red tape with matt.

We filled out all of those
forms and everything.

Well, it'll cost more to
raise 2 kids than 1, you know?

Of course, we could put
another bed in matt's room.

Uh...

Yeah, honey, we can manage.

Oh! Fantastic!

Fantastic!

But I don't think we
should do it right away.

Well, when?

Bah, not until tomorrow.

Mr. And mrs. Kelly!

Hi, miss phillips.
Hi, miss phillips.

How's matthew?

Oh, he's just fine.

Yes, we left him with the
bradys, some neighbors of ours,

While we came down to see you.

Uh, sit down. Thank you.

Say, did I ever show you

This paperweight
that matt made for me?

[Grunts]

I am ready for a hurricane.

[Laughing]

He's quite a boy, matt.

Yeah, he sure is.

Uh, do you have
another one like him?

Another one like...

Yes, we thought it
would be a good idea

If matthew had a brother.

Well.

Uh, he keeps
talking about 2 boys

Who seem to be
special friends of his.

Dwayne and steve.

Dwayne and steve, yes.

They're both great boys.

[Children chattering]

Dwayne and steve!

Yoo-hoo!

Hey, they're calling us.

Come on, let's go.

[Children yelling]

Dwayne and steve,
this is mr. And mrs. Kelly.

Hi. Hi.

Hello, dwayne. Hello, steve.

Hi.

Well, uh, you're both

Good friends of
matt's, aren't you?

Yeah. Matt's a real nice guy.

He's our best friend.

Miss phillips used to call
us the three musketeers.

That's 'cause we
always played together.

I see.

[Children shouting]

I didn't do that.

Give it to me!

Uh, excuse me.

A definite w*r
is about to begin.

Right.

Matt got adopted yesterday.

He was real lucky.

Most people like to
adopt little babies.

It's harder for us big guys.

Yeah.

Well, you're both fine boys.

I'm sure you'd both be adopted
very soon by some nice family.

(Ken) that's right.

Well, we didn't mean to
interrupt your painting.

Well, we'll be
running along now.

Bye. Bye.

(Kathy) bye-bye.

Let's go.

[Children shouting]

And we came right over here
to talk this over with you.

We thought that you'd be able

To give us advice better
than anybody else.

(Ken) now, the fact
that dwayne is black

And steve is oriental

Surprised us a
little bit at first,

But what difference
does that really make?

(Kathy) after all, a
boy is a boy is a boy,

Whether he's white or
black or yellow or blue.

Well, i...

Oh, I know it'll present certain
problems, but everything in life

Presents certain
problems, right?

Oh, right. I think...
That's for sure.

The biggest problem
is trying to decide

Between dwayne and steve.
They're both such fine boys.

(Ken) that's when we started

Talking about
adopting both of them.

Instead of putting
2 beds in the room,

We'd just put 3 beds
in the room, that's all.

(Kathy) raising 3 boys can't be

Much more difficult
than raising 2 boys.

If anybody knows the
answer to that one, you do.

Well, yeah, I guess...

I mean, in a way,
you adopted 3 boys,

And you adopted 3 girls.

Yes, we did.

That's why we know
exactly what you would do

If you were in our place.

You'd adopt both
dwayne and steve, right?

Right. So we've decided
to follow your advice.

Thanks so much for
talking this over with us.

Oh, I'm so glad we
could be of help.

Oh. Oh, uh, may we
leave matt here

While we go over and make the
arrangements for the 2 boys?

Of course. Oh, sure.

Thanks again.

Oh, good luck.
Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye.

It's really nothing. It's...

[Both chuckling]

You suppose we were like that?

I guess, probably.

[Kathy whistling]

[Humming]

Oops, we have the
fork on the left

And knives and
spoons on the right.

I forgot.

Oh, well, you can't learn
everything in a week.

Hey, there's too
many plates, mom.

Hmm, 5.

There's only 3 of us.

Uh, your dad's bringing home
a couple of old friends today.

Oh.

(Ken) hello?

Oh, hi, honey.

Why don't you see
who he has with him?

(Steve) matt!

Dwayne! Steve!

[All cheering]

What are you guys doing here?

We're going to live here.

Mr. Kelly's adopting us, too.

We're going to be brothers.

Brothers?

Yeah!

[Kids cheering]

You're back together
again, the 3 musketeers.

[Cheering]

[Chattering]

Hey, musketeers, anybody hungry?

Oh, boy!

Come on.

[Boys chattering]

[Boys laughing]

Oh! Oh, yeah!

[Chattering]

Hey! How come you get that bed?

You guys take the
bunks. This one's mine.

How come this one is yours?

I've been sleeping
in it all week.

We ought to take turns.

Yeah!

This bed is mine.

Let's get him.

Yeah.

Hey!

Take advantage, you know.

[All shouting]

Hey, hey!

Hey, what's going on?

Come on, somebody's
going to get hurt.

All right, so that's
the way it is, huh?

I haven't... I haven't
got 3 little boys!

I've got 4 little boys!

[Phone ringing]

Oh, oh! I'll get the phone.

Put them to bed, ok?

Ok, ok.

[All protesting]

No, no, no.

No. I'm sorry, guys.

It's time for bed. You're
going right to bed.

(Boys) no!

Everything's fine, carol.

Mrs. Phillips waived
the usual waiting period

And the boys are with us now.

Oh, kathy, I'm so glad.

Yeah. Oh, they've
been absolute angels.

I can hardly wait for monday

When I take those three
to school to register them.

What an assortment.


[Chuckling] yeah,
the kelly rainbow.

Ok, troops, now I'm going
to show you one more time

And then we'll all
do it together, ok?

Ok.

All right, now, it starts
with a soft-shoe step.

[Humming]

And the paddle turn.

Now you remember the
cane trick I showed you?

Eh, the slide.
Now, the big finish.

♪ Lump, thump, thump, thump ♪

[Rolls tongue]

And the hat. Ok? Ok.

Want to try it
together? You ready?

This is easy. All
right, here we go.

And the soft
shoe, and... [Humming]

Now, paddle turn.

Good, good, good, good!

Now the cane trick.

Right. And the slide.

Now the big finish.

Ok, pick it up, matt. Let's
go for the big finish.

♪ Whomp, bomp ♪

♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp ♪

And the hat! Boom!

Good, good! Hey!

You're doing great, doing great.

Let me get back here,
where I can watch you.

Let's try it one more time, ok?

(Ken) and the
soft-shoe. And... [Humming]

And then to the right.
Now, the paddle turn...

Oh. Hi.

We were just, uh,

Getting ready for
bed, right, guys?

(All) yeah.

Yeah, dad. Sure, dad.

Good night, mom.

Good night. Good night.

Uh, big finish, huh?

Well, i...

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, hi.

Uh, mr. Kelly, I see you
now have several children.

3 Altogether.

Of, uh, various
colors, one might say.

You just did.

Mind you, I'm not a bigot.

I believe that blacks, yellows,

Everybody has a
place in our society.

Why, mr. Payne and I
even manage to be cordial

To the shapiros
on the next block.

That's very generous of you.

Well, we try.

Nevertheless, 3 small boys

Are apt to be destructive,

Especially the minorities.

Congratulations, mrs. Payne.

You have my vote for
neighbor of the year.

I consider that
remark uncalled for.

If nobody calls
for it in 30 days,

It's all yours, baby.

[Door slamming]

Ken, you're right.

That woman is
absolutely impossible.

Honey, you shouldn't
have gone over there

To try to reason with her.

She makes archie bunker
sound like a liberal.

I'm thirsty. I'm
gonna get some milk.

You better not.

You might have an
accident during the night.

What do you care
if I have an accident?

You sleep right up there.

Come on, you get a drink, too.

Ok.

Just be happy she isn't twins.

She could be living
on both sides of us.

Ken, I just can't forget

Those terrible things she said

About dwayne and stevie.

Believe me, she's going to
give us nothing but trouble

Because of those 2 little boys.

(Ken) that's for sure.

If she could, she'd
buy this house

And kick us out of here.

She already told me
that she was going to try

And keep me out of the p.t.a.

And I know she's
going to have mr. Payne

Try and keep you out
of the optimist's club

And any other organization.

(Ken) well, I hated
to be rude to a lady,

But on the other hand,

(Both) she's no lady. Right.

Well, I already told her
what I thought of her.

Nobody is going to interfere

With dwayne and
steve if I can help it.

Attagirl.

Right.

Mrs. Payne or no mrs. Payne,

We're going to make
those boys happy.

Right.

Did you write how
much we like it here?

I wrote it.

Did you write how much

We hate to cause them trouble?

I wrote it.

Did you write how
much... I wrote it.

I wrote everything.

I'm just signing my name now.

Ok, then I'll sign mine.

Shh.

(Both) shh.

Hey, where are you guys going?

Away.

Shh.

How come?

We're too much trouble.

Mrs. Payne's gonna get
mr. Kelly kicked out of here.

(Steve) and she's
going to get mrs. Kelly

Kicked out of the p.t.a.

And mr. Payne won't let
dad become an optometrist.

If you guys are going,
I'm going with you.

You're not causing any trouble.

They said dwayne and steve.

We're the 3 musketeers.

"One for all and all for one."

[Crickets chirping]

[Sighs]

Hey.

Hey.

Who are you guys?

I'm matt.

I'm dwayne.

I'm steve.

We're brothers.

Brothers?

Since 5:00.

Oh, you must be the kelly kids.

Hey, what are you doing here?

We're running away.

And we didn't know where to go.

I was here before.

You've got so many kids,

I figured maybe
nobody'd notice us.

Well, don't you like
mr. And mrs. Kelly?

We like 'em a lot.

We love 'em.

That's why dwayne and
me are running away.

And I'm helpin' 'em.

Hey, it's getting kind of late.

Why don't you come
in the house with me?

More hot chocolate?

Yeah, I'd like some more.

Boy, he drinks all the time.

So what? You've got
nothing to worry about now.

You guys don't, by any chance,

Sleep in bunk beds, do you?

Yeah.

[Chuckling]

Where you guys heading?

Oh, I don't know,
maybe out west.

We are out west.

Maybe out east.

Wherever you go, you
better send an address.

I think mr. And mrs. Kelly
would like to keep in touch.

I know they're quite interested

In knowing where you are.

[Sighs]

Thank you.

Do you know

How worried we
were about you guys?

Don't you ever do that again.

(Boys) no.

Well, plenty, that's how
much. We had no idea...

How'd do you find us?
That's not important.

What is important is
for us to stick together.

But mrs. Payne said...

We don't care what
mrs. Payne said.

We care about you.

You're our family.

We want you boys to
grow up with parents.

And we want to
grow up with children.

We'd love that,

But we didn't want to
cause any more trouble.

That's why dwayne and me left.

And I went with them 'cause
we're the 3 musketeers.

Well, you're wrong about that.

You're not the 3 musketeers.

Huh?

We're not?

No, you're not.

We are the 5 musketeers.

Right?

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, folks,
I thought I heard...

[Alice stuttering]

Now, you two may
be mr. And mrs. Brady,

But you three are definitely
not greg, peter and bobby.

[Chuckling] hi, alice.

[Chuckles]

Matthew, dwayne and stevie.

Hi, alice.

Hi. Hi.

Hi, kids.

We're sorry we woke you.

Yeah, we were just
passing through.

Passing through?

Right, on our way home.

Yeah. Come on, boys.

Bye, alice. Bye, alice.

We're going home.

Get some sleep.

[Children chattering]

The boys get such a big
kick out of visiting here.

Well, that's what
neighbors are for.

Oh, by the way, we
want to thank you

For sending the kids this book.

I guess you knew
the three musketeers

Would make a very big hit.

Well, it wasn't
hard to figure out.

How come you brought it back?

Oh, we wanted to show
you what they've done with it.

What do you mean?

Uh, they said
they had to fix it.

[All laugh]

Hey, that's great.
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