♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of
a man named brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four men
living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the brady bunch ♪
♪ The brady bunch ♪
♪ The brady bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the brady bunch ♪
Oh, hey, mrs. Brady, take a look
at this. My horoscope for today:
"You will find yourself
involved in a new romance."
That's gonna kind
of create a problem.
Why, alice?
Because no one's got me
involved in my old romance.
Mom! Alice!
Ta-da! Behold a celebrity.
Gee, I hate to see the kids come
dragging in from school in all that gloom.
Don't tell me. You passed
your driver's education test.
Not only did I pass, I got the
highest score in the class.
Oh, marcia, that's wonderful.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm proud of me, too. I've got
to tell greg the good news.
You got to be kidding.
I'm not kidding!
You outscored everybody
in driver's ed? Even the guys?
Now, that's a typical
male chauvinist reaction.
You're prejudiced
against women drivers.
No, I'm not.
Not as long as they
stay off the roads.
Boy, are you prejudiced.
It's not prejudice. It's just that
men are naturally superior drivers.
Would you like to
back that statement up
With a bet, mr. Male chauvinist?
Anytime. Ok.
I'll bet you that I
get a higher score
On my driver's license
exam than you got.
You're funnier
than lucille ball.
What do you wanna bet?
Well, the loser
does the winner's
Household chores
for a whole month.
Well, I'll say this:
You'll be the prettiest
trash man in the neighborhood.
And you'll look cute in
an apron. I'll b*at you easy.
Ok, we've got a bet.
And no backin'
out, a whole month.
[Spraying]
Who's in there?
(Jan) me. Well, how
long you gonna be?
Resolved.
A girl can spend as much time
in the bathroom as she likes.
Yes or no? Pick a side.
You can have both sides.
I just want to wash
this paint off my hands.
Not until you debate
me. The subject is,
"Who has the right
to the bathroom."
Jan, you've been in
the shower too long.
Your brain's waterlogged.
I win.
Maybe bobby cheated.
Did you cheat?
No. Jan's just got a
big mouth and bad eyes.
He didn't really cheat, cindy.
Then why did you say that?
It's a debating tactic.
I forced bobby into defending
himself by accusing him of something.
I get enough accusing
around here from mom and dad.
Hey, you two accuse me of
something and I'll defend myself.
Ok.
I accuse you of being weird.
[Sighing]
I'm on the debating team at
school and I really need practice.
Choose a subject
and pick a side.
Ok. I pick bobby's side.
You are weird.
Won't anybody
around here debate me?
You! Pick a side.
(Marcia) hi.
(Mike) hi.
Well, mike, how'd she do?
Is she gonna be a great driver?
Hey, dad, can I borrow
the car? I'm late for a date.
Answers to questions 1 and 2:
great, honey. Answer to question 3:
Ask marcia. She's got the keys.
Uh-oh. Did you leave the
fenders on the car, woman driver?
Dad says I did great.
And just what have you got
against women drivers, young man?
No offense, mom,
But it's an established fact
that men are better drivers.
They're always in control.
Women are too
emotional. Right, dad?
Listen, it so happens
that your mother
And your sister are
excellent drivers. Right.
Boy, marriage really takes
All the nerve out of a guy.
Get out of here. See you later.
[Children chattering]
There you go.
What's in it? You'll
find out, it's good.
Have a good day.
Good luck on your
debate today, jan.
Thank you. Do I look ok, mom?
Oh, sweetheart, you look lovely.
Now, don't be
nervous about a thing.
Who's nervous?
I am.
Don't worry. I put
something in your lunch
That every debater can use.
What?
Boloney.
[All laughing]
When I get my driver's license
I can drive you to school.
Yeah. That'll be super.
I can't wait till I get
my driver's license.
It won't be that long. Yeah.
Don't worry, mom.
I'll clobber 'em.
Uh, look, liz, i-i'll have
to call you back, ok?
Bye.
You don't have to tell me.
Your team lost the debate.
I lost it for them.
Me, personally.
What happened?
I'll have nightmares
about it forever.
I knew exactly
what I was gonna say,
Then I got up there and
my tongue felt 3 sizes
Too big for my mouth
and the teachers were
Staring at me, and
some boy snickered.
And I made some dumb noises.
Oh, poor baby.
I froze, mother. They
had to replace me.
I've never been so
humiliated in all my life.
I know what would
solve the problem.
If they had a separate
lane for women drivers.
Why do you keep insisting that
men are better drivers than women?
Because they are.
Alice?
Uh, don't drag me
into this, marcia.
I'm strictly middle of the road.
Which is where you'll find
90% of the women drivers
Blocking traffic.
Hey, I thought that was funny.
There's nothing
humorous about prejudice.
Well, let's look
at it another way.
What's an overhead cam?
How should I know?
It's part of the engine.
Every driver should know
all the parts of his car.
Well, look, I don't know
how to build a clock,
But I can tell time.
Hey, that's a
good point, marcia.
I thought you were
middle of the road, alice.
Well, I just ran
into a detour sign.
You think you're so
hot on wheels, marcia.
How about sweetening
our bet a little?
The loser does the
winner's chores for 6 months.
6 Months?
Unless you're afraid
of losing, of course.
Who's afraid?
It's a bet.
[Chuckling] a sucker bet.
I'll show him, alice.
Women can be better
drivers than men. You said it.
Men are egotistical,
arrogant, smug and conceited.
Right, alice? Right.
Just don't quote
me to sam on that.
That greg with his
superior male attitude.
I'll trade problems
with you anytime.
You just lost one debate.
Big deal.
It was to me.
Resolved.
Now, you can sit
there full of self-pity
Or you can be mature
and do something about it.
Pick a side.
I don't wanna pick a side.
Jan, you were just scared because
it was your first face-to-face debate.
And, boy, did I ever lose face.
But now that you know what to
expect, you're past the problem.
You make it sound easy.
It is. It's all up here.
Just psych yourself up before your
next debate and you've got it made.
If only I could.
You can.
Money-back guarantee.
Can you give me a
better guarantee?
You know what money's
worth these days.
Well, today is the big day.
Yeah, we got a
doubleheader going.
Listen, I predict marcia's
gonna pass her driver's test
With flying colors.
Right. And I predict that jan's
gonna do just great in today's debate.
And I predict that you
two are great predictors.
Hi. (Marcia) hi, alice.
(Greg) morning.
Now, remember what I said
about psyching yourself up, jan.
Yeah, but I'm still nervous.
Oh, relax, jan.
Women can't be
great at everything,
But they make
wonderful debaters.
Oh!
Listen, do you mind if I
offer you a suggestion?
Oh, I'll take any
advice I can get, dad.
There is a famous old story about
a man who had to get up and speak
In front of some
very important people.
And he was
petrified. I'm with him.
Yeah, but a friend gave
him some advice, says,
"Look, when you get up
in front of those v.i.p.s,
You picture them sitting
there in their underwear."
In their underwear? Yeah.
[All laughing]
Oh, mike, is that true?
Sure, it is. Worked
like a charm, too.
Because it made him realize
That his audience
was only human.
I mean, you can't be very
frightening in your underwear.
Oh, I don't know. You
should see me in mine.
[All laughing]
I'll remember that,
dad. Thanks. Bye-bye.
Good. Bye, honey.
Marcia, are you gonna meet
your father after school?
Yeah, dad's gonna drive me
To the department
of motor vehicles
And then I'm gonna drive
him home with my new license.
Then we'll have another
driver in the family.
And then you start doing my
chores. No way, mr. Man driver.
Oh-oh. No fighting. Bye-bye.
You feel ok,
honey? Terrific, dad.
Especially after scoring 98
points on the written exam.
That's 4 points
better than greg got.
Good girl.
(Examiner) how are you,
sir? Pretty good, thank you.
Good.
Marcia brady? Yes, sir.
All set, miss brady?
You can start the car now.
Uh, not until you
fasten your seat belt.
Oh, yes.
All right, miss brady,
you can start the car now.
Start the car,
please, miss brady.
You nervous, miss?
Turn the ignition on, please.
[Car engine starting]
[Gear grinding]
[Tires squealing]
[Radio static]
Hey, look, they're here!
Marcia, we've been waiting.
Yeah, take us for a ride.
Not now, kids.
But she promised to drive
us when she got her license.
By then, I'll be
too old to drive.
What's wrong with her?
Well, she did what a lot of
other new drivers have done.
[Birds chirping]
You mean she
already got a ticket?
I've never been so
humiliated in my whole life.
I froze at the wheel.
Oh, I'm sorry, marcia.
But I'm sure that next time...
I'd rather hitchhike through
life than go through that again.
Well, you actually found your
way home from your driver's exam.
Hey, how'd you do?
Ok, so you won the bet.
Go ahead, make jokes, rub it in!
Hey, I was just teasing
you. What happened?
Women.
Mom, dad, can we say something?
About what?
About marcia's problem.
Yeah. See, we've got some
fantastic ideas on how to handle it.
Good. How would you handle it?
Well, if she were my daughter,
I'd make her write out 500 times
"I flunked the driver's test."
Yeah, well, that's...
That's a thought.
And if she were my daughter,
I'd stop her allowance
for a whole year.
If you should flunk
your driving test,
Is that what you would
like me to do with you?
Come on, cindy. Let's
think of something else.
Mrs. Brady, do you figure that
marcia will be joining you for dinner
Or shall I fix up a
tray for her room?
Maybe you better
make that 2 trays, alice.
2 Trays?
Depending on how jan
does today in her big debate.
Well, just to be
on the safe side,
Why don't we move the dining
room table up into the girls' room?
Alice.
Oh, mom, dad.
(Carol) what?
We won the debate. I really
clobbered my opponent this time.
Great. That's great.
First, I psyched myself
up like marcia said,
And then your idea
really worked, dad.
When I imagined the audience and all
the teachers there in their underwear
I could hardly
keep from laughing.
You should see my
principal in boxer shorts.
Well, I'm glad it helped.
How did marcia's
driver's test go?
I'm afraid it didn't go as
well as your debate, honey.
Darn.
Hi.
Hi.
I heard about what happened.
I'd rather not talk about it.
How'd your debate go?
Fine, thanks to you.
Yeah.
Oh, I am really great.
Resolved.
You can sit there
full of self-pity
Or you can be mature
and do something about it.
Pick a side.
Jan, I don't wanna pick a side,
And stop throwing
my own words at me.
Well, they happened
to be good words.
You were just scared
because it was your first try.
Well, from now on I'm
gonna be a devout pedestrian.
You can dish it out but
you can't take it, huh?
Well, what's that
supposed to mean?
Well, at least I had the courage
to try your advice, and dad's, too.
About the audience
in their underwear?
Well, my situation's different
and it's maybe even worse.
Why?
Because it happened to me!
Greg? Yeah, come in.
About our bet.
Look, forget about that.
It was just a fun
bet, that's all.
No, I lost and I have to do
your house chores for 6 months.
How about a new bet?
I'm gonna take my
driver's exam again.
Just pass the
test, that's enough.
[Chuckling] no bets.
It's too much
pressure for a girl.
Are you chicken, gregory?
Me? Chicken?
The loser does the winner's
chores for a whole year.
Marcia, sit down.
I think you're
having a dizzy spell.
Is it a bet or not?
And this time I'm gonna
b*at your exam score.
Ok, woman driver, it's a bet.
Well, she's all yours, honey.
Now, just relax and try to remember
all the things we talked about, ok?
I'll be fine, dad. All right.
(Examiner) how are
you today, sir?
Once we got out of the
garage, it was all right.
Dad!
You know, i, uh...
I hope you're better
prepared this time, miss brady.
Yes, sir. I think I am.
Well, let's find out for sure.
And my seat belt is fastened
so you can start the car now.
Yes, sir.
Start the car, please.
Something funny, miss brady?
If you only knew.
[Car engine starting]
Congratulations. A
temporary driver's license.
What kind of a
score did you get?
92.
4 Points less than I got.
But I got a 98 on
the written exam.
That's 4 points higher than you.
So you both scored 190.
Well, I guess that sort of
cancels our bet, doesn't it?
You lucked out.
I don't think it was luck.
Marcia's a good driver.
I just wish we could
settle this some way.
I'd prove I'm as good
a driver as you are.
That'll be the day.
You'd fold under
pressure like before.
You know, maybe there is
a way we can settle this.
I'd love that. Me, too. How?
Truck driver style.
They have a big contest every
year to find the best driver, right?
I saw it on television.
So did i.
They set up regular obstacle
courses for the drivers.
We can make up one of our own.
(Mike) yeah, that's good.
Ok. All right, everybody.
Now, the parking lot's empty so
there's no problem with other cars.
Now, the idea is to drive
through the obstacle course
Without hitting
any of the pylons.
And whoever hits
the least wins, right?
Right.
Suppose we end
up in another tie?
Oh, your father
already thought of that.
After you complete the course,
Keep on going until
you get to that pylon.
Now, if you're tied,
The one who stops closest
to it without touching it, wins.
We could still be tied.
Oh, dreamer.
Hey, dad, how if someone just
barely touches that pylon?
Uh, your father already
thought of that, too.
Yeah, the truck drivers'
contest has an electronic beeper.
We have something a
little more primitive.
Alice?
[Clucking]
[All laughing]
Ok.
Now,
Anyone who knocks the
egg off the pylon is a loser.
Ok, here she goes.
Good luck. Ok. Yeah.
(Carol) there you go.
You'll need it.
(Alice) atta girl.
[All cheering]
(Mike) good.
(Alice) very good.
Yeah.
[All chattering]
She's doing good. Look!
[All cheering]
(Jan) oh, look, here she comes.
Oh, here she comes.
She's always had good luck.
Come on, honey.
You got 20 feet.
[All cheering]
(Carol) now it's your turn.
(Mike) all right.
Fantastic!
Here we go.
How close is she?
An inch and a half.
[Laughing] terrific.
An inch and a half? Right.
Talk about lucky. Yeah.
Do you think you can
get any closer than that?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
You'll show her. Yeah.
Your turn, greg.
Right.
[All chattering]
(Carol) oh, close!
(Alice) careful!
(Bobby) oh, be quiet.
He's going too fast.
[Mimicking jan] oh,
he's going too fast.
(Greg) got to get closer
than an inch and a half.
I've got to win. I've
got to b*at marcia.
I got to do it. I got to...
[Tires screeching]
(Marcia) ha! I won!
(Jan) good one.
[Girls laughing]
Greg, you can
forget about the bet.
You don't have to do my chores.
I lost. I'll pay.
The important thing is that
we're both good, safe drivers
Not who knocked off the egg.
Yeah, sure.
You don't have to say it.
This time I folded
under pressure.
Well, it can happen to anybody.
Excuse me. Could
I say a few words?
Somebody around
here owes me an egg.
Peter, will you be
our judge? For what?
Bobby and I made a bet on
who's the best bike rider.
What'd you bet?
Same thing as greg and marcia.
The person who comes closest to
the stop line without going over, wins.
And the loser has to do the
winner's chores for a whole year.
Well, first, you better
look at something, bobby.
[Birds chirping]
Be too easy to b*at a
dumb old girl, anyway.
Chicken.