05x20 - The Snooperstar

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Brady Bunch". Aired: September 1969 to March 1974.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


A woman with three daughters marries a widower with three sons.
Post Reply

05x20 - The Snooperstar

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of
a man named brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men
living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the brady bunch ♪

♪ The brady bunch ♪

♪ The brady bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the brady bunch ♪

[Birds chirping]

Hey, pete, I need
that $2 you owe me.

Sure. I'll pay you
back next week.

But you said you'd
pay me back this week.

That's 'cause marsh nellon
promised to pay me back last week.

You'll get it.
Don't you trust me?

No.

Bobby, we're brothers.
Blood relatives.

It's not my fault
we're relatives.

Hi. Hi.

I heard you mention
the word relative.

Were you talking about me?

Why in the world would
we be talkin' about you?

Well, if you weren't
talking about me,

Why did you stop
talking when I came over?

'Cause if we wanted you to
know what we were talking about,

We wouldn't have stopped
talking about it. Right?

Right.

Sounds great, maxine.

Sure. Count me
in. I'll be there.

[Laughing] that's wild.

[Laughing]

I should never expect that.

No.

Uh, hold on a second.

Uh, something you wanted?

No.

Do you mind? This is a
private conversation.

About me, maybe?

No, cindy, it's not about you.

Well, then why can't I listen?

I told you. It's personal.

Yeah, but am I the person
that it's personal about?

Cindy, out!

By any chance, are you
writing about me in your diary?

No, cindy.

Well, then why'd you
slam it shut like that?

Because a diary
happens to be personal.

Well, if you weren't
writing about me,

Can I look?

No.

Someday when I get a
diary, I'll let you look.

Thanks, cindy.

As long as I'm letting you look,

How about letting me look?

Cindy!

Oliver, do you know something
about me that I don't know?

Well, not that I know of.

Something funny is
going on in this house,

And I'm gonna find
out just what it is.

You want to help me
do some detective work?

Me, a detective?

Shh! Not so loud.

[Whispering] do I get
to wear a badge?

No. Not in this case.

We're private eyes.

Wow. I ought to be
a good private eye.

I've got 4 of them.

Oh, how about this
one? It's my favorite.

Well, I'm... I'm not so
sure it's right for today.

No, I better choose this one.

What's so special about today?

Meeting with a client.

What is he, a tie freak?

Not a he. It's a she.

Oh... What kind of a she is she?

Well, I'll tell you.

Visualize the face
of liz taylor... Yeah.

The body of raquel welch,

And the bank account
of queen elizabeth.

Ah, poor thing. Too
bad she's a loser.

Uh-huh. Do I detect a little
note of jealousy there?

No. I was planning to spend
the day at your office anyway.

Oh, cut it out.
Come on, hold it.

Now, listen. I was just kidding.

Rich she is, but any resemblance

To liz taylor and raquel
welch is totally nonexistent.

Oh. That's better.

[Knocking at door]

Come in.

Mom, dad, is there something
going on around here

That I should know about?

Like what?

Well, that's the part
she doesn't know about.

There's nothing I know about
that I think you should know about.

Is there anything you know
about that she should know about?

Nothing I know about.

Are you sure?

Oh, listen. There is something

I know about that you
should know about.

Tell us! What?

It's school time,
and you're late. Split.

(Carol) bye.

Bye. Bye.

Boy, we sure didn't
learn anything.

Sure didn't.

I've got an idea. What?

All the other kids
left for school.

Now you stand guard, and I'll see if
marcia wrote about me in her diary.

Ok.

What do I do if
somebody comes by?

Just whistle. Ok.

[Blowing air]

What are you trying to do,
oliver? I'm trying to whistle.

Oh, it's easy. Just pucker
up a little bit more.

[Blowing air]

Try it this way.

[Whistles]

Gee, that's terrific.
Thanks, alice.

Oh, hi, alice.

Hi.

If you want to
learn how to whistle,

Just, uh, check with
me after school. Ok?

Thanks, but I don't
need to learn anymore.

[Whispering] what'd
you find out?

Nothing. She didn't even
mention me in her diary.

There's just some
dumb poem she wrote.

Well, I found out something.

What?

I don't know how to whistle.

You are aware of the importance

Of my business to
your firm, mr. Brady?

Oh, I am, miss fletcher, yes.

And you're aware that
I always do business

With the president of your
firm, mr. Mathews himself.

Yes, yes.

I only agreed to deal with you

Because mr. Mathews
recommended you so highly.

I appreciate your confidence.

And because he was
going to be out of town.

Miss fletcher, I'm
sure these plans

For the penelope
fletcher cultural center

Are gonna be exactly
what you want.

I regret to tell you that
they're exactly what I don't want.

Well, I drew the plans
according to your specifications.

[Scoffs] I don't care
about specifications.

Mmm. Well, I can
show you my notes.

Well, I'm not
interested in notes.

All I'm interested
in is a design

That will make the penelope
fletcher cultural center

A monument to its benefactor.

Well, uh, uh, miss fletcher...

I will be leaving town
thursday night, mr. Brady.

You have until then to create
a design that will be suitable.

Otherwise, I shall take
my business elsewhere.

Good day.

Not only is this bookmark
in the wrong place,

But I always put my diary
back under my phone book.

You really think
someone's been snooping?

Positive, and I think the guilty
person sleeps right in this room.

Hey, I sleep in this room.

Jan, you don't need
to peek in my diary.

I'm always reading
it to you anyway.

Yeah, that's true.

But you can't just come out
and accuse cindy of snooping.

Not without proof.

I'll get proof.

I'll use a little bait,
and I'll trap her.

[Laughing]

(Cindy) ok, see
you later, oliver.

Get the cheese ready.
Here comes the mouse.

[Both giggling]

Oh! So... [Both giggling] wow.

I'll read the rest of
it to you later. Yeah.

Uh, see you, cindy. We're
gonna go to the library.

Passing through.
Gotta use the bathroom.

You got a door on
your side. It's stuck.

Now I know why hermits
wanna be hermits.

[Whispering] what
did I tell you?

Let's catch her in the act. No!

I'd rather teach her a
good lesson for snooping.

How?

Well,

By writing something
special in my diary.

Something that'll
drive cindy bananas!

Passing through.

What is this, a freeway?

Oh, well, we just
couldn't stand being away

From you 2 beautiful people.

[Door opening]

Hi, honey.

I've never met a more
aggravating woman in my entire life.

Well, forget what I
was gonna ask you. What?

How did it go at the office?

I would like to call up penelope
fletcher and tell her to...

Mike, what will happen
if you blow the account?

Well, I said I'd like to. I
didn't say I was going to.

Honey, why don't you
try reverse psychology?

Mark twain once said, "make
friends with your enemies.

It'll drive them crazy."

Mark twain never met
penelope fletcher. Mike.

Ok, but she just gained a friend

And you just lost a
husband. How come?

Because I'm gonna have
to work night and day

To come up with an
acceptable plan by thursday.

(Marcia) something fantastic
might be happening for cindy.

I don't dare tell her

Because I don't want her
to get her hopes up too high,

But I told all the
other kids and alice,

And I swore them to secrecy.

More later.

Something fantastic is
going to happen to me!

What? I don't know.

Well, how we gonna find out?

Well, alice and the other kids
know, so we'll cross-examine them.

Well, won't they get suspicious?

Not if they don't know
we're cross-examining them.

Oh.

What's this, a
secret conference?

Oh, hi, alice. Got
some shirts there?

Yeah, got some
shirts, got some socks.

Any secrets?

Secrets? What kind of secrets?

Oh, a certain secret having
to do with a certain someone

Who something fantastic
was going to happen to.

Well, as a matter of fact,

Something fantastic
is gonna happen.

What?

One of my goldfish is
an expectant mother.

Now, what's so
fantastic about that?

The mother-to-be
is named herman.

[Laughing]

Got any other brilliant ideas?

Yeah. Come on.

Now, wait a second.
What are you doing?

You'll see.

Knock, knock, greg. Got some
shirts for you, and some socks.

Thanks, alice.

We can hear everything that goes on
in greg's room through this air vent.

But is it right to listen in?

Sure, if they're
talking about me.

From the look on your
face, I'd say you had a problem.

I do.

What would you do if you
had 2 dates for the same night?

I'd faint.

(Greg) seriously,
I'm in a real bind.

(Alice) yeah. Yeah, I
can see that you are.

The problem is, I don't
want either girl to get hurt.

Well, why don't you
tell them both the truth?

The truth?

Why tell a girl the truth?

Another blind alley.

Not a word about me.

Boy, detectives on television
never have it this hard.

Maybe we can get something
out of peter and bobby!

Here's a down payment
on the $2 I owe you,

Now stop buggin' me.

Only a quarter?

I'll give you an
i.o.u. For the rest.

Whoever said it was right.

"Never lend money
to a relative."

Nothing.

What do we do now?

We'll wait till tomorrow and
see if marcia writes anything else

About me in her diary. Ok.

[Laughing]

Hi.

Hi.

Boy, have I got an idea.

This is gonna drive
cindy absolutely ape.

That's the next step.
She's bananas already.

[Marcia laughing]
what's the idea?

Well, you know how she loves watching
those old shirley temple movies on t.v.?

Do I ever. She thinks shirley
temple is the greatest.

Right! Well, wait
till cindy reads this.

(Marcia) I talked to that
talent scout again.

The studio people loved the
photo of cindy I've submitted.

Wouldn't it be fabulous
if they pick cindy

To be the new shirley temple
they're looking for in that movie?

The new shirley temple?

Cindy brady. The
new shirley temple.

She's hooked.

Hmm, but if you think
she's hooked now,

Wait till she reads
the next entry.

[Both chuckling]

Now we don't want to get caught.

You keep your eyes
and your ears open.

I'll keep everything open.

(Marcia) cindy's chances of
starring in that movie are great.

One of these days,
the talent scout

Is going to come over to the
house to observe cindy anonymously.

I sure hope cindy can sing
and dance like shirley temple.

Oliver!

The talent scout's coming
over here to see me anonymously.

Wow! That's super!

Well, I have to buy a
shirley temple record album.

What for?

I've got to start being
shirley temple right away.

You need the money right now?

Uh-huh. I would ask mom
or dad, but they're not home,

And this is a real emergency.

Well, I think we can
float a small loan.

And you don't have to be
worried about being paid back.

Cindy's gonna be
rich and famous.

Oh, how's that gonna happen?

Alice, you don't have
to pretend anymore.

Pretend what?

What you're pretending.

What am I pretending?

The same thing all the
other kids are pretending.

What are they pretending?

The same thing
you're pretending!

Oh, well, I'm certainly
glad we got that cleared up.

How much of a loan do you need?

(Cindy) well, how much does a
children's record album cost?

A children's record album?

(Cindy) mmm-hmm.
Starring you know who.

Is that the name of a new group?

Well, there she goes,
pretending again.

Pretending what?

What you were pretending!

I am not pret...

Just bring me the
change, would you?

Thanks. Bye-bye.

Marcia? (Marcia) yeah?

Marcia, late bulletin.
Cindy read your diary again.

How did you find that
out? Indirectly from alice.

She wanted to borrow some
money to buy a record album

Starring you know
who. Shirley temple!

[Both laughing]

Hey, marcia, you're supposed to
return a book when you borrow it.

Sorry, greg. It's on the desk.

You can imagine her
learning those songs!

[Girls laughing]

What's so funny?

Should we tell him?
It's too good to keep.

Tell me what?

It's about cindy.
What about her?

She thinks she's gonna be...


She thinks she's gonna
be what? What? Come on.

She thinks she's...
Come on. What is it?

She thinks she's gonna
be the new shirley temple!

Shirley temple?

[Laughing continues]

(Mike) hi.

Hi, honey.

Ah...

Uh-oh. You've got that
penelope fletcher look again.

What happened? Well, she moved
up the deadline on the plans.

I don't even have till
thursday to complete 'em.

When do you have
to have them finished?

Tonight. She's dropping by to pick
'em up on the way to the airport.

She traded in her
broom for a plane.

(Bobby) set, go!

Oh, almost.

Hey, what's in the bag?

(Cindy) a record album.

What kind?

The round kind. With
a hole in the middle.

[Laughing sarcastically]
very funny.

Let's see it.

What's the big secret?

You know what the secret is.

Yeah, and you guys
better treat cindy nice.

She's gonna be rich and
famous, and I'm gonna help her.

What are you 2 gonna
do, rip off a bank?

Yeah, bonnie and clyde.

[Laughs]

Very funny.

Yeah.

Look closely. See a resemblance?

Well, you're both girls.

Yeah, but I bet if I curled
my hair the same way,

I bet we'd look
a lot more alike.

I got to learn these songs.

[Knocking at door]

Hi, kids.

Oh, dinner's gonna be
a little late tonight.

Your father's got a very
important client coming over.

An important client?

Yeah, and I guess she's
somebody pretty special,

So, uh, be on your
best behavior, will you?

You hear that, oliver?

Yeah!

You know what it means? No.

It means that that
client she's talking about

Is really the talent scout

That's coming over
to see me anonymously.

It's a good thing we
bought that record.

Yeah. Now I got to really
hurry to learn these songs.

Just think, oliver.
Tonight, a star is born.

Wow!

Hey, cindy, would you like to go to
the library with us before dinner?

Not me.

I'm not giving up my whole career
just for a walk to the library.

What's that supposed to mean?

You don't have to
pretend anymore.

I know all about
the talent scout

That's coming over
here tonight to see me.

What? Tonight?

I got to confess.

I peeked in your diary,
and I know everything.

That client dad's talking about, it's
really the anonymous talent scout.

You're wrong, cindy.

I told you, you don't
have to pretend anymore.

Well, look, now I've got
a confession to make.

I made up all those
things in my diary

Just to teach you a
lesson for snooping.

Sure, you did.

It's the truth, cindy.

That woman that's coming over
here tonight is really a client of dad's.

You're just saying that so I
won't get my hopes up too high.

Honest, cindy, we're not.

That whole business about
shirley temple is a put-on.

A put-on, eh?

Right.

Just to teach you a lesson.

Do you understand?

Yeah, I understand.

Good.

Now don't do anything.

I won't.

[Sighs]

Put-on, huh?

Get ready, shirley.

♪ [Whistling]

Mike, now promise me
you won't get upset

When miss fletcher comes
over for the plans, ok?

Oh, I promise.

If she's sour, I'll ignore it. If
she's disagreeable, I'll smile.

If she's insulting,
I'll laugh. Good.

And then I'll throw
her out of the house.

[Doorbell rings]

I'm penelope fletcher.

Oh, good evening. Come in.

Mr. And mrs. Brady weren't
expecting you quite so soon.

I'll tell them you're
here. Thank you.

Is there anything I can get
for you in the meanwhile?

Uh, yes. Mr. Brady.
I'm in a hurry.

Yes, ma'am.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6!

[Sighing] dear!

Good evening!

And, uh, who might you be?

I'm cindy brady.

I'm the one you came to see!

You're the one I came to see?

Yeah. You don't have
to pretend anymore.

I know all about you.

You're anonymous.

Indeed.

♪ On the good ship lollipop ♪

♪ It's a nice trip
to the candy shop ♪

♪ Where bonbons play ♪

♪ On the sunny beach
of peppermint bay ♪

♪ Boom, boom, boom ♪

♪ Lemonade stands everywhere ♪

♪ cr*cker jack
bands fill the air ♪

♪ And there you are ♪

♪ Happy landings
on a chocolate bar ♪

(Cindy) ♪... Everywhere ♪

♪ Crackerjack
bands fill the air ♪

♪ And there you are ♪

♪ Happy landings
on a chocolate bar ♪

(Both) ♪ see the sugar
bowl do a tootsie roll ♪

♪ With that big bad
devil's food cake ♪

♪ If you eat too
much ooh, ooh! ♪

♪ You'll awake
with a tummy ache ♪

♪ On the good ship lollipop ♪

♪ It's a nice trip ♪

♪ Into bed you hop ♪

♪ And dream away ♪

♪ On the good ship lollipop ♪

Uh, miss fletcher, I don't
think you've met my wife, carol.

How do you do?

(Mike) carol, penelope fletcher.

Hello, miss fletcher.

[Panting]

Cindy, what are you
doing in that getup?

This is my big chance,
so I got all dressed up.

What for?

Oh, this child seems to
be under the impression

That I'm a talent scout looking
for a new shirley temple.

A talent scout? Shirley temple?

Oh, the cherished memories
she just brought back.

Shirley temple,

That adorable, little,
golden-haired tyke.

How I adored her.

[Sighing] what a
marvelous time of life

I've just relived.

Oh, I'm sorry to
get so carried away.

I... I have a plane to catch.

Good-bye. Good-bye,
dear little curly top.

Thank you, thank you,
for a wonderful evening!

Uh, miss fletcher, the plans.

Oh, yes.

I think it's exactly
what you want.

Oh, it doesn't matter anyway.

(Penelope) ♪ on the
good ship lollipop ♪

♪ It's a sweet trip
to the candy shop ♪

♪ Where bonbons play ♪

♪ On the beach... ♪

[Sighing] young lady,

There better be a good
explanation for this.

That's what I was just thinking.

You know, just because
this had a happy ending

Doesn't make it right to
snoop. Now, is that clear, cindy?

Yeah. I learned my lesson.

I'm not gonna snoop anymore.

We're finished with
tricks like that, too.

We sure are.

Ok, let's keep it that way.

I hope you learned
your lesson, too.

What's that?

Well, next time you have to
deal with penelope fletcher,

Just do your shirley
temple imitation.

[Both laughing]

(Both) ♪ on the
good ship lollipop ♪

Hi, marcia.

Hi.

Here's a present for you.

[Sighing] a present?

Wow.

Cindy, I appreciate this,
but I've already got a diary.

Not one with a lock on it.

What do I need a lock for? You said
you weren't gonna snoop anymore.

Yeah, but it's a girl's
privilege to change her mind,

And I'm afraid I might.
Post Reply