03x15 - Lunar New Year

[bunniefuu]

I bought it. This is my new passion.

I'm gonna cook for people.

Oh, wow.

There's nothing going on
between me and Dennis.

Are you still sorting out your
feelings, if you're just friends?

MALIKA: I feel like
all this is happening

a little faster than I'm ready for.

And this isn't just
a new relationship for me,

it's a whole new love-style.

Meeting Tanya,

I didn't feel ready to do that.

Then why did you do it?

I didn't want to do poly wrong.

CALLIE: What if I take a break
from work on Saturday,

and we spend the whole day together?

I'd love to, but I have this
parenting class with Isabella.

I should go. I have drinks with Ruby.

SUMI: Wait, I thought that
wasn't happening anymore.

It's just casual. Friends... I think.

TREA: You talk to your brother?

(IN MANDARIN) _

I'm gay!

You knew?

We knew for long time.

We've just been waiting
for you to tell us.

Of course, no one
in the family can know.

Everything must stand up
to the white-glove test.

No dirt, dust, or dirty
socks under the couch.

Not a speck of grease or grime.

We have to clean all the bad luck away

so all the good luck can come in.

You're all doing great.

Oh.

You shouldn't breathe the fumes.

They're toxic.

We need more red lanterns
for good fortune and joy.

You're k*lling it!

Oh, hey, Isabella,
don't climb. I'll do that.

♪ So good it almost hurts ♪

♪ Man, this is light work ♪

No, no, no, no, no.

The fu is supposed to be upside down,

so we can invite the blessings in.

Woah, Isabella! That's very sharp.

Here, just... Just let me do it, okay?

SUMI: The tablecloths are here.

Finally!

Okay.

These aren't red. They're pimento.

- It's okay.
- No, it's not!

Everything needs to be perfect.

So the comedy program
is going really well.

I think I have a good sh*t of getting
my sketch into the showcase.

And that means getting an agent maybe

and even a $ , talent deal.

That's nice.

Did David tell you he got
a promotion at the bank?

No, but you did.

Several times.

ALAN: He even got his own parking space.

Look, he sent us a photo.

Lucky number eight. Very auspicious.

TREA: And he just bought a condo,

square feet, two bedrooms.

And he offered to host the
Lunar New Year party this year.

Guess he won't be getting
a red envelope anymore.

Since he's a real adult now.

You... You know what?

Why don't I host the party?

The Coterie is, like, square feet,

way bigger than
David's little starter condo.

TREA: I don't know...

What's to know?

It's settled. I'm hosting.

And no red envelopes needed.

I'll be giving 'em out this year.

Are you sure?

Positive. Everything will be perfect.

It doesn't need to be perfect.

(EXHALES) Yes, it does.

I need to prove that
my brother's not the only one

who can do everything right

and that I'm not just
the funny one who fails.

Okay, breathe.

Remember, it's bad luck

to have unhappy thoughts
around Lunar New Year.

You're right.

I need to calm down.

Where are the red envelopes I ordered?

We can't do this without red envelopes!

Why am I destined to fail?

♪ Pa-pa-pa pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ♪

♪ Pa-pa-pa pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ♪

♪ Then we'll find our peace of mind ♪

♪ You and me, bel ami ♪

♪ Pa-pa-pa, pa-paaa ♪

I feel like this fish is fighting back.

Because you're basically attacking it.

Just be gentle.

Here, let me show you.

♪ They won't be finding
any signs of struggle ♪

♪ I can't resist so don't
you burst my bubble ♪

♪ I'm feeling things I never felt ♪

♪ You got me under your spell ♪

♪ I like the way you do what you do ♪

♪ I like the way... ♪

Hope I'm not too late
to get in on the action.

Uh, you've got this.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Wow, that's a whole fish.

A whole yu symbolizes the wish
for abundance in the coming year.

(IN MANDARIN) _

_

(IN ENGLISH) That's about
all the Chinese I know.

But I brought oranges for good fortune.

I'll take those, and, uh,

why don't you help Alice with the fish?

I'll be happy to.

The balls have arrived!

Thank you.

I'm here. It only took two and
a half hours and four bus rides,

but I made it to Monterey Park and back,

and here it is, soupy rice porridge.

No. No, no, no, no.

I asked for soupy rice balls.

Tang yuan.

The traditional Lunar New Year dessert.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

- Now we only have dishes.
- DAVIA: Is that...

- It's fine.
- Bad luck!

Dennis, can you drive to Monterey Park

and pick up tang yuan?

Soupy rice balls. Emphasis on the balls.

Like right now. A year's worth of luck

and my friendship with Alice
depends on this.

Say no more. I got it.

(ENGINE CRANKING)

Mother... (GRUNTS)

DENNIS: The food truck won't start.

So take your car.

Sold it to buy the food truck.

Oh, no. The place closes in minutes.

You know what? Uh...

Never mind. I have an idea.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

You are literally
saving my ass right now.

And the Lunar New Year.

Um, happy to help.

Wait. What's all this?

I brought a little food just in case.

Sumi!

Hey, sis, thanks for hosting.

ALICE: Yeah. David.

Go get the rest out of the car.

Wait, no, Mom. We have enough food.

I can see that.

We can save these for dogs.

(PHONE RINGING)

Uh, sorry. I'm trying to close
a -million-dollar deal.

Wow! million dollars!

So exciting!

Dad, I'm giving out
the red envelopes this year.

But you don't have money.

I have credit.

Plus I'm about to get discovered.

Oh, that's the spirit!

Thank you.

Are you married?

Uh, no.

Have a prosperous and lucky new year.

Thank you!

Well, I should probably go.

No, stay.

Besides, It's bad luck

to receive a red envelope and leave.

I don't want to tempt fate.

Woah! Plus leaving this party

could be a serious financial mistake.

See?

Uh, Matt brought the rice balls.

You saved the day.

I live near Monterey Park.

Anyone up for a baijiu cocktail?

DAVIA, MATT, DENNIS: Yes. Yes.

- Great!
- Thank you.

Aiyaa!

(IN MANDARIN) _

_

ALICE AND SUMI: Pimento.

Hmm, these are delicious.

Ooh, and strong.

(ALARM RINGS ON PHONE)

Oh, that's the water reminder.

Only more ounces to go today.

Got it.

That's a lot of water.

Yeah, pregnant women, they...

It's always good to stay hydrated.

KELLY: Yeah, especially
with that Ox baby in there.

What?

Hello, your baby will be born
in the Year of the Ox.

Oh.

Which is a good thing, I guess.

They tend to be honest and earnest,

like this crowd.

- Mm.
- (PHONE CHIMES)

So how was the... the parenting class?

Fine.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Oh, it's Jazmin.

Hey, you mind
if I call you back in a sec?

Okay. Bye.

Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, all good.

Um, I'll be right back.

Uh, what were you gonna say
about pregnant women?

Uh, that they just need

between and ounces of water a day.

Also, you should consider
wearing red underwear every day

until you (POPS). For good luck.

That's actually not a bad idea.

- Would you like a refill?
- Um, sure.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

♪ Just turned on my phone
but can you come over ♪

♪ I'm ready you know... ♪

So Matt's here.

He brought the rice balls.

- It's a long story.
- Okay.

I'm so confused.

How much longer can I keep

both Matt and Dennis in the friend zone?

Why do you have to?

Maybe you should consider polyamory.

So I date them both

and they just date
whoever they want too?

MALIKA: That's generally how it works.

And it really doesn't bother you

that Dyonte has another girlfriend?

No. In fact, I invited
them both here today.

And that's not awkward?

Not at all.

Hey.

We brought Chinese whiskey.

Chinese whiskey, yes.
Amazing. So good...

Ooh.

Yeah, that's not awkward at all.

Mom, Dad, these are my friends
from the comedy program.

Nihao. Nihao.

I'm gonna need more envelopes
for all the new guests.

Dad, I told you, I got this.

So giving red envelopes
with money to friends and family

is a tradition that
symbolizes good wishes

and luck for the new year.

Oh, sure.

Oh, just a heads-up.

Uh, the ink might not be completely dry.

You know, had a little issue
with the ATM this morning.

So those are crisp IOUs
and some Woke N' Broke bucks.

I'm good for it. I promise.

It's done. I closed the deal.

That's my boy!

You make us so proud.

I understand that Isabella's pregnant,

but I'm pretty sure she can keep
track of her own hydration.

And why is Gael suddenly so afraid

to say the word "pregnant"
around me? I mean...

I wonder if maybe he's having second
thoughts about our relationship.

Or maybe he's just trying
not to overwhelm you

with too much talk about the baby.

Why would he think I'm overwhelmed?

I haven't said anything.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Callie's been so understanding
about all of this.

But...

is she really okay?

Well, and I don't
know this for a fact...

- Hmm?
- ... but if it were me,

I maybe might not want
to hear every little detail

about you, Isabella, and the baby.

I might have advised him

to dial it back on the baby talk.

Why would you tell him that?

So Gael and Isabella
are taking parenting classes.

Oh, wow.

They're really doing this.
I mean, together.

Well, yeah. (CHUCKLES)

I mean, it's what they should be doing.

It's just (SIGHS)

all getting pretty real pretty fast.

Well, I know you're being supportive,

but it must be hard.

A little.

I think maybe if he told me
a little less, that might help.

I told him that because
that's what you said to me.

To you. Not to him!

Okay, well, maybe
you should say it to him.

I think you need to be honest.

Let him know how much you do
and don't want to know.

What if I don't know what I do
and don't want to know?

Well, then you need to figure it out.

I think what I need is another drink.

Or maybe you need a water reminder.

Ha-ha. No, I am fine.

I am under a lot of stress
with... with work

and... and now this,

so what I need is... is to unwind.

And I don't need you

monitoring my drinking or my hydration.

Thank you.

To the Lunar New Year.

To you, Malika,

- for inviting me.
- Aw.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

Alice said to bring friends

and, you know, we're all friends.

So to friends.

Cheers.

Oh, my God.

Wow! (CLEARS THROAT)

That burns.

Hmm, burns so good.

Oh, wow.

How about another one?

- I'll get it.
- Okay.

He's been fasting for the big feast.

Hmm, you sure?

Um, I can hold my liquor.

- I don't know that to be true.
- Yeah, we'll see.

All right.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

(SNORING)

So should we wake him?

Maybe wait until dinner is served.

I think he needs food.

So...

So where's this pool Dyonte
has been telling me about?

(DYONTE CONTINUES SNORING)

Hey, I hope it's cool that Matt is here.

Of course. He saved the day.

How could I not be cool with that?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

More baijiu for my boo.

Thank you.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

So I date them both

and they just date
whoever they want too?

That's generally how it works.

CALLIE: Getting more baijiu.

Delish baijiu.

(ISABELLA LAUGHING)

DENNIS: Just dump it on ya.

♪ ♪

MATT: I'm actually a teacher
in this school. (LAUGHS)

MAGDA: Okay, so it's not
yours from middle school?

MATT: No, I didn't, like, steal it.

Okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, no, I teach there.

I teach, uh, English and Algebra.

- MAGDA: Oh, Algebra!
- MATT: You like Algebra?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(MUSIC DISTORTS AND STOPS)

God! I can't get over this view.

Yeah.

And this pool! I want to move in.

Maybe that might be a little
too close for comfort?

Yeah.

So Dyonte was telling me

that you asked to slow
things down with him.

And I don't want to pry
into your business,

but I was just wondering

if that had anything
to do with meeting me?

Uh, no. I mean...

You know, not specifically.

I think this whole thing
is just new to me,

and I was feeling a little...

Overwhelmed?

- Yes.
- I get it.

I've been poly for
a while now and still it...

at times has its, uh, challenges.

To be honest, when I met you

and I realized how much
time you and Dyonte

were spending together
at work and after work,

I think I felt a little insecure.

Really?

You always seem so confident.

I wanna be you when I grow up.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I'm just good at hiding it.

Okay.

But I guess what I'm trying to say

is the more I've gotten to know you,

the better I'm feeling about everything.

- Me too.
- Oh, good.

I don't want to be responsible
for you pumping the brakes.

You're not.

Or for being a buffer.

Like, don't get me wrong, I...

I really appreciate
you inviting me to this,

but I was kind of wondering if I'm here

to keep some distance
between you and Dyonte.

(DOOR OPENS)

Well, look who woke up from his nap,

Mr. I-Can-Hold-My-Liquor.

Okay, maybe not on an empty stomach,

but, uh, what...

What's going on here?

Just some girl talk.

Just some...

Dennis, is that
your roach coach outside?

You mean my food truck?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, yeah. Why?

The alley is a tow zone, dude.

You got to move it, ASAP.

I can't. It won't start.

Then say bye-bye to your roach coach.

I know a little about engines.

Happy to take a look at it.

No, uh, thanks. I got it.

Oh, so you'd rather pay
to get it out of impound?

(SIGHS)

All right, you can take
a look at it if you want.

- Sure.
- I'll come too.

- No, thanks.
- No, we've got it. Thank you.

Excuse me.

Okay, well, it's not the battery.

So, uh...

what kind of food you planning to serve?

I don't know yet.

I, uh, kind of bought it on impulse.

You're spontaneous. That's great.

How... How'd you learn about cars?

Oh, my dad. He, uh,
loved fixing up old beaters.

He even... He did some amateur racing.

- Hmm.
- Terrified my mom.

Oh, I used to have a motorcycle.

My ex-wife hated it.

What about you? You into racing?

Uh, no. (CHUCKLES)

No, I'm kind of risk averse,

which probably makes me a little boring.

Not necessarily.

Impulsive people can
get pretty boring too.

I don't know.

Some people need an element of surprise,

you know, to keep it interesting.

Okay.

Why don't you try to start it now?

Yeah?

(ENGINE STARTS)

(BOTH CHEERING)

Dumplings, jiaozi,

are the same size and shape

of the small gold ingots

that were used for money
in ancient China.

So eating jiaozi satisfies
the desire for wealth.

Oh! Well, I need to start
eating more of these then.

- Right?
- Facts.

Shaun, that is a very good seal.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, my mom's Chinese,
so she taught me well.

I tried to teach Alice,
but she has foot-fingers.

Good for farmer. Bad for pleating.

What's wrong with my pleats?

David always made perfect seal.

Oh, yeah. Why don't you
jump in here, bro?

Just got my nails buffed.

Everyone knows that you used to pass off

Auntie Lou's dumplings as your own.

Not Mom and Dad.

You're lucky I'm still not a tattletale.

(MOCKINGLY) Na-na-na-na, na-na-na.

So annoying.

Do I have foot-hands?

No. And I've always loved your hands.

Thanks. This was supposed
to be my party,

and now my mom's taking over.

Let her cook. You did all of this.

With a lot of help.

And don't forget, we're going
to surprise everyone

with our lion dance after dinner.

Your family will love that!

True. They can't take that
away from me. Us.

(DRUMS AND CYMBALS PLAYING)

Surprise! I hired a professional
lion dance troupe.

(ALL CHEERING)

Or maybe they can.

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

(DOOR OPENS)

What are you doing up here?

You should be hosting your party.

This isn't my party!

This is your party and David's party.

He's been upstaging me
since the day I was born.

He walked sooner, talked sooner,

never pooped in the yard.

(IN MANDARIN) _

_

Because that's what
you did with the dog!

And I was two.

Five. The point is,
I want to make you proud,

and I don't know how.

You make us proud just by being you.

I tell my friends at Mahjong
all about my son, the banker,

and my daughter, the building manager.

You do?

Of course. It's a big job.

Even if this place is in such disrepair,

but your tenants seem happy.

The disrepair is what
makes it cool, Mom.

Just FYI.

And you have a pool.

Very auspicious.

And I'm also funny.

And I want you to be proud

that I got into this comedy showcase

and I might get on TV. Someday.

It's just hard for us to understand

because only famous people get on TV.

TV is what makes them famous, Dad.

They weren't born that way.

Hmm, I guess it's the
chicken and the egg.

We love you,

whether you're the chicken or the egg.

Then why are you always saying
things like, I have foot-fingers?

And why are you so afraid

to tell the rest of the family
that I'm gay?

I mean, does David even know?

It's not our job to tell David.

Are you afraid to tell him?

No.

And we're just making jokes
about your little hands.

Now I have little hands?

Aiyaa! You being always so sensitive.

Just like me.

When I was young,

my mother tried to toughen me up.

We just want you to have thicker skin

because life can be hard

for someone with a
sweet heart like yours.

Well, I am getting tougher,

and I'm learning
how to stand up for myself.

I don't want you to make
jokes and cut me down,

'cause that doesn't build me up.

Doesn't make me feel good.

And that's the only way

a sweet heart can survive in this world.

That is very wise.

Sounds like something I would say.

Okay. You're right.

Uh, from now on,

I'll try to keep my jokes to myself.

And now let's have some happy
thoughts on New Year's Eve

so we don't have a whole
year of bad luck, okay?

Okay.

We love you.

I love you too.

(DOOR OPENS)

I'm sorry to interrupt, but...

the oven's not working.

Is this part of the cool disrepair?

I think the ancestor smoke
clogged the gas lines.

(IN MANDARIN) _

What are we gonna do? How are
we gonna cook all this food?

Dennis! We need you...

and your food truck.

Okay.

(TREA SPEAKING MANDARIN)

No, it's not ready!

You have to caramelize. Adds flavor.

And you should cut your hair.

It's too long for cooking.

Very unsanitary.

See? It's cooked.

And it's just hard, you know?

'Cause Gael is crashing
in Dennis's loft,

his baby mama is living in his loft,

and I am living with my single sister

who is just always home.

Just can't get any alone time, you know?

Yeah, honey, well,
the solution's obvious.

The solution to our problem is obvious.

What problem?

Our living situation.

Guys, okay, I have a proposition.

So Isabella will move in with Mariana,

Gael will move back into his loft,

and I will move in with him.

Oh.

What do you think?
It's so obvious, right?

- Um...
- I guess.

- Yeah.
- Sure.

Great! It's settled then.

Legend has it that long ago,

during the age of great floods,

there was a vicious monster named Nian,

which means "year".

Whenever the th day of
the last lunar month arrived,

this monster would rise up from the sea,

k*lling people and wreaking havoc
in their fields and gardens.

The people would
bar their doors before dark

and sit up all night,

coming out the next day
to greet their neighbors

and congratulate them on surviving.

Eventually, the villagers
decided to fight back

by creating a beast of their own.

So they made a lion's head of bamboo

and a body of colorful cloth.

When Nian appeared the next year,

two men wearing the lion's costume

came charging out,

while the rest of the villagers
created a racket

by banging on their pots and pans.

The startled Nian fled
and was never seen again.

Now the lion dance
represents joy and happiness.

It brings good fortune

and chases away the evil spirits

to assure prosperity and good luck

for the upcoming year.

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

(ALL APPLAUDING)

We love you, Alice!

I want to thank you all for coming.

And... And Dennis, for
being my mother's sous chef

and cooking all the delicious food.

You saved the day!

You know, I thought
I wanted to have this party

to prove to my parents
that I'm an adult.

But I think what I really wanted

was to share a piece of
my culture with everyone.

Sometimes it's hard to balance

keeping Asian traditions alive

and also trying to feel American.

My comedy program folks and I

have been through
some tough times recently,

being forced into a stereotypical box.

I realize that everyone's
experience is different,

no matter what you look like.

Celebrating and understanding
those differences

goes a long way.

Tonight was healing for me,

and I hope, in some way, for all of you.

I've never been prouder to be Chinese.

And I'm just so proud

to be able to call all of you family.

So are you and Alice still a thing?

Uh, we kind of were before the program.

Then we weren't. But I'm working on it.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

DAVID: Hey.

Sorry about the dance troupe.

I didn't know you and Sumi

had your own lion dance planned.

It's okay.

Only thing better than
one lion dance is two.

That's the most Chinese thing
you've ever said.

So is, uh, everything okay
between you and the folks?

Yeah.

Don't worry, I didn't take
your job as golden boy.

You think I like being the golden boy?

I've had nothing but
expectations placed on me

since I was born.

I mean, you get to be
whoever you want to be

because I'm the one who has
to fulfill all their dreams.

Could you imagine if I wanted
to be a stand-up comedian?

No, because you're not funny.

You know, all they ever
talk about with me is you.

Get out!

I mean, it's not all good stuff but...

Ha-ha!

See? I'm funny.

But not like you.

I mean, you're always
the really funny one.

And your friends in the comedy program,

they told me how you
stood up for all of them.

It made me really proud
to be your brother.

But don't tell anyone, okay?

The golden child bows to no one.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Seriously, we should really
spend more time together.

I miss you!

I'm gay.

Awesome.

Maybe we can grab a bite next week?

Sounds good.

And I miss you too.

Yeah.

I was surprised you asked
me to stay tonight.

I thought you wanted to slow this down.

So did I.

Hey! More baijiu cocktails?

Thank you.

So...

We never finished our chat earlier.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Look, if I'm being honest,

I really did want you to come,

but I guess, in part,

I did invite you to be a buffer.

I think I'm scared
to get too close to Dyonte.

Not because this is new
or because I met you but...

(SIGHS)

because I got really hurt
in my last relationship.

He gave up on me and us.

And I'm scared of that happening again.

But tonight, I realized

the past is like Nian.

- You know, it terrorizes you.
- Yeah.

But every new year is
a chance to start over.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Well, this is a happy new year.

(VOMITING)

(GROANS)

ISABELLA: Callie?

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah. Um...

I had a bit too much
to drink last night.

What about you? Are you
having morning sickness again?

Uh, no.

I'm actually hiding from Gael.

He's kind of been smothering me.

Yeah, I noticed that.

So, um, do you want to start
the whole move thing today

or do you wanna wait until tomorrow

when you're feeling a little better?

CALLIE: So... about last night,

I was maybe a little hammered.

The truth is, I am not ready
for us to move in together.

What I want is...
is a little more time together.

And I could stand a little
less time together.

I'm just... I'm feeling
a little smothered.

And it's not that I don't appreciate it.

I am so sorry. I didn't realize...

ISABELLA: Don't apologize. Don't.

There will come a time where I
shouldn't be climbing on ladders

and I do need that : a.m.
chocolate pudding run.

But that time is... is not right now.

Okay, I hear you. Both.

But I had an idea.

I was thinking maybe I could spend

a couple of nights a week with Mariana

so that you guys can have
some privacy up here.

That is a much better idea than mine.

Yeah.

Um, if you're sure...

I am sure. Yes, I am.

Um, okay, I'll leave you guys to it

because I'm craving
a bacon and cheese sandwich.

CALLIE: That sounds disgusting.

GAEL: Isn't that a little high in...

Hm?

Yeah, sounds good.

- Go for it.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.

Um... one more thing.

I know Mariana told you
to back off on the baby talk.

And it's... it's not easy
to hear about all of it,

but it is way worse when
I feel like you're holding back.

Like, um, when Jazmin called
and you left to talk to her.

Was that about the baby?

Yeah.

And I'm sorry, I was just
trying to protect your feelings.

Why? What's going on?

I'm not helping you move.

I'm not moving out.

Oh, and I took your advice

and asked Gael why he's being weird.

What did he say?

Jazmin and I were talking about

how to tell our parents about the baby.

And I know that they're
gonna want to meet Isabella.

It just feels weird

for them to meet her
before they meet you.

But I don't know how to introduce

the woman that I got pregnant

and the other woman that I'm dating.

It just...

It feels like it's a lot for them

to wrap their heads around, you know?

No, I get it.

I don't think there's a rush
for them to meet me.

Just let them wrap their heads
around one thing at a time.

Are you sure?

Be honest.

I mean, it hurts a little, but I'm sure.

Well, it's good that you were honest.

And you're never gonna
have a happy ending

to every issue that you face
in any relationship.

When did you get so wise?

This is New Mariana.

Oh, okay.

The one that you should have listened to

when I said to drink water
instead of whiskey.

You were right.

(GASPS) Wait. Say that again.

What? Why?

Because I need to record it
to send to Moms.

- I need video proof.
- Okay, fine.

Fine, you were right, okay?

Mariana was right, Moms.

Mariana is the new wise one.
Okay? Did you get that?

Oh! I feel like I won an Oscar.

Seriously.

Ow. My head.

(GROANS)

She who over-baijius

does not feel so good in the morning.

What... Stop! No cleaning
on New Year's Day.

- It's bad luck.
- I like that rule.

Sorry, I forgot.

So how'd it go with Matt
and Dennis last night?

Well, after some
not-so-deep contemplation,

turns out polyamory just isn't for me.

I'm not the kind of person who can

be with two people I love
at the same time.

Hold up.

Did you just say...

two people that you love?

So you love Matt?

Oh, my God. I think I do.

Oh, now, I'm really confused.

I hear you. Join the club.

Why?

Congratulations on a very
successful New Year party.

I know you are not a child,

but you are our child.

And that will never change.

Xie xie, mama, bubba. Love you.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

So... what'd you get?

Whoa! Hundred bucks!

Now I can make good on all
those IOUs I gave out tonight.

Thanks, by the way.

For being there for me.

I never could have done
all this without you.

It was nice,

getting to be there for you
for a change.

- No way!
- No way!

What are you gonna do?

I have no idea.

(DENNIS CLEARS THROAT)

What did you do? What did you do?

Your mom told me to cut my hair.

Never cut your hair on New Year's Day.

Why not?

ALL: It's bad luck!

Oh, sh*t.

Aiyaa!