01x26 - The Marriage License

[bunniefuu]

(theme music playing)
(theme music ending)
(whistling)
Hi, Lucy.

I'm going down to the store.

Do you want What are you doing?
Cleaning out the desk.

Hasn't been done in a year.

Boy, what a mess.

They sure fill up with junk, don't they?
I'll say.

Is this the stuff you're throwing away?
No, that's the stuff I'm keeping.

What I'm throwing away is in the wastebasket.

You're sure getting rid of a lot.

Now, here's something no home should be without.

What is it?
I don't know.

Why don't you throw it away?
Well, I can't till I find out what it is.

Might be something I need.

I give up.

Don't you ever throw anything away?
Not very often, no.

Everything brings back some sort of a memory.

For instance, these are mementos from all our wedding anniversaries.

I keep something from each one.

Oh, Lucy, you're an incurable sentimentalist.

Yeah, I'm sticky over Ricky.

Here's our marriage license.

Aw.

This is the little piece of paper that changed my name to "Ricardo.

" "On this day, Lucille Esmeralda MacGillicuddy "was married to Ricky Bicardi"?
Bicardi?
Yeah, B-I-C-A-R-D-I.

I never noticed that before-- must be a mistake in typing.

Well, it doesn't make any difference.

Well, I don't know.

You know how funny the laws are.

Gee.

Ethel, you don't suppose this license isn't legal, do you?
Oh, of course it's legal.

Don't be ridiculous, Lucy.

Hey, I never saw this picture of you two in a canoe before.

When was it taken?
Last summer, when Mr.

Bicardi and I were at the lake.

Now, Lucy, you're not going to worry about that, are you?
No.

You are, too, aren't you?
Yes.

Well, it's just a simple clerical error.

Well, what if it matters?
Maybe for ten years Ricky and I would have been null and void.

Hi, honey, hi, Ethel.

Hi.

How's my little wife?
(wailing)
What's the matter with her?
She's off on another one.

Well, good luck, Mr.

Bicardi.

What?
What's she talking about?
What happened, honey?
I was cleaning out the desk and I found this.

That's our marriage license.

Yeah.

Well, what's the matter?
Don't tell me it's expired.

Read it.

"On this day, Lucille Esmeralda MacGillicuddy was married to Ricky Ricardo.

" To Ricky who?
"Ricky Ric Bicardi"?
Oh, that's what she was talking about.

Well, honey, it's just a mistake.

I'll say it is!
We've never been married.

Never been married?
No.

Oh, now, sweetheart you're making a big thing out of nothing.

Nothing?
Suppose there is a Ricky Bicardi.

For all I know I might be married to a rum factory.

Now, honey, you're being completely ridiculous about this.

Well, I want you to call your lawyer and ask him if we're legally married.

Well, honey, my lawyer is out of town and besides, I'd feel silly I'm going to call the City Hall.

I'm going to get ahold of the License Bureau and I'm going to find out.

Give me the City Hall, please.

Well, this is an emergency.

Thank you.

Hello, City Hall?
There's a mistake on my license and I want to talk to someone about it.

What do you mean, "Call the tail waggers"?
It's it's not a dog license, it's a marriage license.

Oh.

Hello, Marriage Bureau?
There's a mistake on my license and I want to know if it makes any difference.

Oh.

All right, I'll be right down.

They say they have to see it.

Oh, honey, you're not going to go all the way down to the City Hall, are you?
Now, honey, I just can't rest until I find out.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Ay, esta mujer esta completamente loca.

Casada por diez anos y todos los anos se pone peor y peor y peor de la cabeza, esa muchacha.

FRED: Hi, Rick.

Oh, hi, Fred.

Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were having a nap.

That's all right.

I got to get dressed anyway.

Ethel just told me about the mistake in your marriage license.

Isn't that silly?
Yeah, I just got ours out and took a look at it.

Some darn fool spelled my name right.

Well, it wouldn't make any difference anyway, Fred.

I know.

I thought I could worm out on a technicality.

Lucy was so worried that she went all the way down to the License Bureau to find out how we stand.

I wish I'd have known that.

I got a good friend down there.

I'd have called him for her.

They won't tell her on the phone anyway.

Oh.

I wonder what'd happen if this guy tells her that the license is no good.

(chuckling)
: Oh, no.

Hey, how well do you know this guy?
Well, he's a pretty good friend of mine.

Why?
He is, eh?
Yeah.

(chuckling)
I was just thinking suppose you call this guy down there just for a gag, you know, and tell him that when Lucy gets down there to tell her that the license is no good and that we're not married at all.

Do you think he'll do it?
Oh, I know he'll do it.

Any word from Lucy yet?
RICKY: No.

It's 9:00.

The License Bureau closed at 5:30.

Where can she possibly be?
I don't know.

Oh, it's all my fault.

RICKY: Oh, there she is now.

Honey, I've been so worried about you Don't.

What's the matter?
I'm no longer yours to touch.

Well, now, Lucy, now, look, hon Did you see the man at the License Bureau?
Yes.

We've been revoked.

No!
I didn't know what to do so I've just been walking.

RICKY: You've been walking all this time?
Well, the last hour I was on a train coming home.

On a train?
Where did you walk to?
East Orange, New Jersey.

How I ever got through the Holland Tunnel, I don't know.

Hey, you really took that news seriously.

Well, how do you think you'd feel if you suddenly found out you weren't married to Ethel?
Yeah!
Now, look, honey, look, sweetie I got something to tell you, honey.

Oh, I know what you're going to say, dear.

No, honey, you don't, and this is very important so don't stop me.

Now, look I know what you're going to say, baby-- that you still love me and that it doesn't make any difference to you whether we're legally married or not.

Oh, Ricky, it's so wonderful of you.

That's what you were going to say, wasn't it, dear?
Yeah.

Yeah, honey, yeah.

Well, I thought it all over and there's only one thing for us to do.

What's that, honey?
Get married again right away.

Married again?
Of course!
Oh, isn't this exciting!
And I don't want anything to spoil my memories of our first marriage-- the one that didn't take.

So we're going to do the whole thing over again exactly as we did before, starting with the proposal.

You mean we got to go all the way up to Connecticut?
You mean you don't want to?
Oh, yeah, honey, sure, I want to.

Yeah, baby, I'd like to do it.

Okay.

Okay, we'll start the first thing in the morning.

We'll find that same little bench and you'll propose in the same way and we'll be married by the same justice of the peace and we'll stay overnight at the Byram River Beagle Club and-and we'll do everything just the way we did before.

Honey, it's 125 miles to the Beagle Byram River Club and I got a rehearsal the next morning.

Well, we'll get back in plenty of time.

Come on, Ethel.

Good night, Ricky.

Lucy, where are you going?
Pardon me.

My dear Mr.

Ricardo surely you don't expect me to stay here.

You're a bachelor, remember?
Lucy, now wait a minute.

Lucy!
You got to have a friend down at the License Bureau.

LUCY: Well, I know it's around in here someplace, Ricky.

It's got to be, because I know Oh, here it is!
Here it is, the same little bench.

I told you it was in here.

Come on, Ricky!
Coming, coming.

Well, the least you could do is help me with this stuff.

Why do you make me carry everything?
Before we were married you insisted on carrying everything, remember?
Oh, yeah.

Oh, honey!
Gee, I don't remember this seat being so small, do you?
I guess the trees grew in a little from each side.

Let's face it.

We've grown out a little from each side.

Gee, doesn't just being here make you feel romantic, Ricky?
Yeah.

Let's eat, huh?
The last time you were here you said, "Who needs food?
I want to feast on your beauty.

" Oh.

Who needs food?
I want to feast on your beauty.

You bring any mustard?
Somehow, it sounds different than it did then.

Honey, what you want to start with-- chicken salad or peanut butter?
I want to start with a proposal.

Before we eat?
Now, Ricky, down on your knee.

Oh, honey, the ground is all wet.

Down on your knee.

Now, I want everything just the way it was before.

All right, honey, all right.

Okay.

Down on my knees.

You know, I even took your wallet out of your pocket and left it home.

My wallet?
Why?
What did you do that for?
Don't you remember?
That day you left your wallet at home and I had to pay for the license.

Oh, yeah.

Well, go ahead with the proposal.

Uh You took my hand Oh.

Uh um Lucy, I love you madly.

Lucy, I love you madly.

Lucy, I can't live without you.

Lucy, I can't live without you.

Why did you take my wallet?
Now I don't have my driver's license!
I know-- I know I don't deserve a wonderful girl like you.

I know I don't deserve Take my hand.

Oh.

I know I don't deserve a wonderful girl like you.

Lucy, will you marry me?
Lucy, will you marry me?
What's the matter?
Well, this is a pretty important step in my life.

I don't want to be rushed into anything.

What?
!
It's a good thing to know where I stand.

Honey, I was just kidding you.

Come on, sit down.

No!
Come on, sit down, I'll propose, honey.

Come on.

Never mind.

Oh, come on, honey.

Let me do it right.

Sit down, I'll propose.

No.

It's a pretty big step for me, too and I don't want to be rushed into anything.

Well, honey, can't you can't you take a joke?
What's funny about your not wanting to marry me?
Oh, honey, I do want to marry you.

I do You do not.

You do not.

The real truth slips out.

Oh, now, Lucy, baby.

Don't "Lucy baby" me!
From now on, I'm Miss MacGillicuddy to you.

and for your information I wouldn't marry you if you were Xavier Cugat!
Lucy!
Honey, look!
Xavier Cugat?
!
Lucy!
"The Eagle Hotel.

" I don't know why you couldn't remember to put gas in the car.

Even if I had remembered, I couldn't have paid for it.

You took my wallet.

That's no excuse.

No excuse.

Isn't there anybody alive in this town?
What town?
(rings bell)
Fire!
Fire!
Start the engines pumping!
Where's the ladder?
Get the hose!
Where's the fire?
There is no fire.

Well, I heard the bell.

I saw the flames.

Oh must have been your hair.

(chuckling)
Well, sir what can I do for you?
I'm Burt Willoughby, Fire Chief of this here fair city.

Well, look, Mr.

Willoughby you know that gasoline station across the street?
There's nobody there.

You know who runs it?
Oh, you're looking for the man that runs the gas station.

Yes, sir.

Fill 'er up?
Oh, you run the gas station, too, eh?
Well, we're out of gas.

Too bad, so am I.

What?
Yep, won't get any till 6:00 tomorrow morning.

Oh well, I guess we'll just have to spend the night here.

Yep.

Sign the register.

"Mister and Missus "Ricky "Ri Ri Ricardo.

" Pardon me, please.

"Miss Lucille MacGillicuddy.

" Good girl.

You cad!
That'll be two rooms-- Oh, what's the difference?
Two floors-- that's the difference.

I'll send a boy out for your luggage.

Oh, well, this is all the luggage that we have.

Oh, well, in that case it'll be $4.

00 in advance.

Each, that is.

You took my wallet.

I don't have any money.

That's too bad.

Would you show me to my room, please?
What do you mean, "That's too bad"?
Give the man the money, will you?
Why should I pay for your room?
We're not married.

Yeah, why should she?
Now, look, honey, let me explain.

Let me explain the whole thing to you, will you, please?
The whole thing is a gag, honey.

Now I'll tell you what happened.

Look You know, Fred Mertz had a friend.

He had a friend down at the License Bureau, see?
So I asked him to tell his friend to tell you when you got down there that the license was no good and that we were not married at all.

That's what I told him and he did it, you know?
Isn't that funny?
That's the phoniest story I've ever heard.

That's the phoniest story I have ever heard and I've heard them all.

Now, Lucy, for goodness' sake Uh-uh.

Please, stop annoying our paying guest.

I'll have a bell boy take you right up to your room, young lady.

Thank you.

Front!
Oh, are you the bell boy, too?
Why, sure.

Call for Philip Gosh, I've heard that a thousand times but I just can't remember what that fellow's last name is.

Follow me.

What happened?
What?
What?
Good morning.

Good morning.

Well, she's all filled with gasoline and raring to go.

Good.

Let's get out of here.

Gee, we're just in time to go to New York in time for rehearsal.

Let's go.

(clears throat)
Just a minute.

That gasoline came to $3.

25.

Well?
Well?
Well, give him the money.

You certainly don't expect me to pay for the gas, do you?
Well, you better give the man the money or neither one of us is going to get back in town.

LUCY: Well, it doesn't matter to me.

I have no pressing engagements.

But, honey, I have I'm the sheriff.

I just had a call from the gas station.

Which one of you is the deadbeat?
He's your man, Officer.

All righty.

Well, I guess you're going to jail.

Jail?
!
Yep.

Wait a minute.

Un momento, caballero.

Me deje explicar.

Estamos casado hace diez anos.

Ella esta completamente loca.

Me quiere poner en la carcel.

Aha!
A spy!
A spy?
!
Just a minute.

Just a minute, Mr.

Willoughby.

Uh, he isn't a spy.

Well, you don't kid me.

I know Russian when I hear it.

Well, that wasn't Russian, that was Spanish.

Spanish?
Well, we licked them in '98 and by golly, we can do it again.

Come on.

Look, you better give this character his money or he's going to have me sh*t.

Why should I care what happens to you when you don't care enough about me to marry me?
Yeah.

Say, why don't you marry that little lady?
Well, I would marry her but she wouldn't marry me.

No?
No.

Anyway, I don't even have money to pay the justice of the peace.

Well, maybe if you talk right nice like the justice of the peace might do it for nothing.

Yeah?
Well, you know where I can find him?
Where's the happy couple?
You know, the real money in this town is selling hats.

Look, Mr.

Willoughby, can we rush this thing?
I'm in a terrible hurry to get back into town.

Young man, this is serious business.

You just can't rush into marriage, you know.

Now, let's see we need a witness.

Mother!
WOMAN: Yes?
That's Mrs.

Willoughby.

I call her "Mother.

" Look, can we get started now, please?
I'm in a terrible rush.

Look, I'm not going to marry you until you propose.

In front of Mr.

Willoughby?
Oh, go on, please.

Go ahead, Ricky.

All right.

Lucy Down on your knee.

Lucy, will you Oh, wait!
Wait just a minute.

I want Mother to see this.

Mother!
Hurry up, please.

Goodness!
Well, don't hurry me.

I want you to hear this.

This young gentleman here is just about to pop the question to the lady.

Oh All right, Ricky, start popping.

Lucy Lucy, I Lucy, I think you're the most wonderful girl in the world.

I can't live without you.

Lucy, will you marry me?
Yes, I will.

How sweet!
All right.

Now, can we get going now, please?
All righty.

Now, Mother, take your place.

Now, you two just get right No, you're on the other side.

Mother, please!
Well, I don't know where For all the times you've done this For goodness' sake, now, stand still, will you?
All right.

Oh, I just had a terrible thought.

We can't get married.

We don't have a license.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I know.

You're the head of the License Bureau.

Oh, no, I'm not, smarty.

I am.

Mrs.

Willoughby would you make the license out right away?
And I'll be right back.

Lucy, where are you going?
You'll see.

I want everything to be just the way it was before.

Come on, honey, aren't you ready yet?
Come on, Lucy.

Lucy, you look so beautiful.

Will you marry me?
Yes.

Well, I guess we're all set.

You're on the wrong side.

Oh.

We have a beautiful ceremony, we do.

We start with a song.

Hit it, Mother.

(plays a note)
(singing off-pitch)
I I love you truly, truly, dear Life with its sorrows, life with its tear Fades into dreams when I feel you are near For I love you truly, truly, dear Thank you, Mrs.

Willoughby.

Very nice, very nice.

Ah, love, 'tis something to feel your kind hand Ah, yes, 'tis something Mother.

Beside you to stand Mother.

Gone are the dreams Mother!
That's all, Mother.

Don't I even get to sing the second verse?
No.

Oh, nuts!
There's your certificate.

Now you're all legally married.

Thank you, Mrs.

Willoughby.

Thank you.

Good-bye.

Wait, wait, wait!
I forgot something.

Whee!
Oh!
Oh, thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Not so fast.

Do you own that car parked out there at the curb?
You know I do-- you just filled it up with gas a couple of hours ago.

Do you realize that you've parked 12 hours in a one-hour zone?
Ten dollars or ten days.

But we just gave you all the money we had to pay for the gas.

Ten dollars or ten days.

Just a minute, Burt.

You young folks just run right along and forget what he said.

Mother, please!
Are you forgetting you're talking to the sheriff?
Father, you're forgetting I'm the mayor.

WGBH access.

wgbh.

org (theme music playing)
Mr.

Willoughby was played by Irving Bacon.

Mrs.

Willoughby was played by Miss Elizabeth Patterson.

I love Lucy is a Desilu Production.