01x29 - The Freezer

Complete collection of episode scripts for the TV series, "I Love Lucy". Aired October 1951 - May 1957.*
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Lucy & Ricky Ricardo live in New York, while Ricky tries to succeed in show business -- Lucy who is always trying to help -- usually ends up in some kind of trouble that drives Ricky insane.
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01x29 - The Freezer

Post by bunniefuu »

Here you are, dear.

Oh, thank you, honey.

Hey, what goes here?

Just two eggs?

Where's the bacon?

Bacon happens to be 75 cents a pound.

Look, Lucy, I can't eat eggs that way.

They-they-they look absolutely naked.

Well, look the other way when you eat them.

Now, Lucy, where's the bacon?

As far as I'm concerned, it's still on the hog.

I'm economizing.

Well, look, honey, that's a very good attitude, but why do you have to cut down on food?

There's just no other place to cut down.

Is that so, eh?

What about all the money that you spend on clothes and the beauty parlor, hmm?

Why don't you cut them out?

Well, all right, if you think you'd like your meals served by an ugly brunette wearing a flour sack.

You know what I mean.

This must be some other way to economize.

Well, as a matter of fact there is, Ricky.

Look, "Save money with a home freezer.

Get your meat wholesale.

" I knew it!



I knew it had to be something in back of all this.

But it won't cost us a cent, Ricky.

Look, it says right here: "This freezer pays for itself.

" Oh, well, let me see.

Hey, maybe we ought to get one.

Really?

Sure.

As soon as it gets through paying for itself, tell it to give us a call and come over.

Now, you know what I meant.

Honey, I can't afford a freezer, not even one that pays for itself.

But Ricky, listen, it's only going to save us money I cannot do it, honey, no.

Can't afford it.

See you later.

What about your eggs?

Oh, I got a feeling that they won't go to waste.

Ethel is coming up, isn't she?

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Good morning, Lucy.

Oh, yeah?

Good-bye, Lucy.

Come back, Ethel.

If I'd wanted to be with somebody grumpy I'd have stayed downstairs with Fred.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, I asked Ricky if we couldn't have this freezer, and he says he can't afford it.

Can't afford it.

I asked Fred to buy us a freezer, too.

What did he say?

I'll tell you what I said.

Please, please, there are ladies present.

I just come up to tell you not to expect any heat today.

I put all new firebrick in that furnace and we can't use it till the cement dries.

This house might be a home freezer itself by night.

Charm boy.

Yeah.

Gee, why is it everything that's wonderful costs money?

I don't know.

Say, why didn't I think of this before?

Uncle Oscar!



Uncle Oscar?

My Uncle Oscar is a butcher, and he's got a big cold chest.

Why don't you knit him a sweater?

Well, of course, if you don't want to hear my plan I do, I do.

Well, he's retiring from the meat business, and he's got a great big old freezer-- you know, the kind you walk into and hang up the meat.

I'll bet he'd sell us that for practically nothing.

Really?

I'm going to call him up.

If we could buy it and put it in the basement, we'd have a real home freezer.

How much do you think he'd sell it for?

I don't know, but there's no harm in asking him, 'cause this would be a great way Hello, Uncle Oscar?

This is little Ethel.

Little?

Uncle Oscar, how much do you want for that big old freezer of yours?

For me.

Well, that sounds like a fair price.

How much?

He'll sell it to us for nothing.

For nothing!



All we have to do is pay for the hauling and installation?

How much is that?

How much is that?

$50.

Sold!



We'll take it!



When can we have it installed?

This afternoon?

Oh, gee, that's fine.

Kiss Aunt Emmy for me, will you?

Good-bye, unc.

Lucy, we now own a home freezer.

Thank you.

Let's get busy!



Look out!



What are you doing?

Ordering meat.

The sooner we get the meat in the freezer, the quicker we'll be saving money.

I wonder how much we ought to order?

Oh, 20, 25 Pounds, maybe 30.

Gee, that sounds like a lot of meat.

Honey!



It'll last!



Hello?

Hello, this is Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo at 623 East 68th Street.

I'd like to order some meat for our freezer.

Beef.

Oh, I see.

Just a minute.

It's only 69 cents a pound!



No kidding?

Why, steak's $1.

89.

I know, I'd better order right away before he realizes what a bargain he's giving us.

Uh, all right, that'll be fine.

Oh, by the side?

Oh, well, just a minute.

That's the price by the side.

How big is a side of beef?

Well, a side of bacon is about this big.

Oh, well, that's okay.

All right, I'll take a side.

Better make it two sides.

One for each of us.

Yeah, can you send it over this afternoon?

East 68th Street.

That's right, thank you.

In the meantime, we'll go downtown.

What for?

Well, with all that money we're saving on the freezer, we can afford to buy ourselves new dresses.

Hurry up!



Get ready!



Oh, yeah, it was a lot of money, but after all, it's a very basic style.

I can wear it for years.

Oh, I can hardly wait to try these things on!



I'm going right down to my apartment and put this on.

(knock at door)

Oh!



Say, maybe that's the meat.

Yes, sir?

Mrs.

Ricardo?

Yes, sir?

Johnson's Meat Company.

Gee, that sure is a lot, isn't it?

Oh, there's more.

Oh?

Look at the way they wrap it.

Yeah.

My goodness.

Oh, hey, are you sure that's all for us?

Lady, this is only the beginning.

Oh, there must be a mistake.

Oh, that isn't a side of beef.

That must be a side of elephant.

Lucy, what have we got ourselves into?

Well, what's all this going to cost, Ethel?

We're getting 700 pounds of meat!



At 69 cents a pound, that's $483.

(gasps)

Listen, there's been a mistake.

You're going to have to take most of this meat back.

All but 30 pounds.

Yeah.

Sorry, ladies, once a side of beef has been cut, we're not allowed to bring it back.

Come on, Ethel, let's get busy.

What are we going to do?

I'm going to paste this animal back together again.

Find the piece that fits that.

Look, ladies, even if you defrosted it, pasted it together and taught it to walk, I couldn't take it back!



Well, that's one side.

Now let's go down and get the other one.

The other one!



Ricky and Fred are going to k*ll us!



Yes, but by buying it all wholesale we saved them at least $500.

I hope you can explain all that before their fingers tighten around our throats.

Maybe we could sell some of it!



Sell it?

Yeah, you know, we could go to a butcher shop and grab some of the customers before the butcher gets to them.

We could sell this for 79 cents a pound.

But it only cost 69.

Well, we might as well make a little something on it.

Oh, no, Lucy, we couldn't sell it.

It wouldn't be right.

It wouldn't be fair.

Why not?

It's Well, don't just stand there!



We got a lot of meat to sell!



(Lucy whistling)

Get ready for business.

Psst!



Psst!



Come here.

Are you tired of paying high prices?

Are you interested in a little high-class beef?

Do you want a bargain?

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

Step up a little closer I don't want to block the traffic.

Now, you look like a smart dame.

What'll it be?

I got sirloin, tenderloin T-bone, rump, pot roast, chuck roast, oxtail stump.

I got a special on T-bone, 79 cents a pound.

Well, really, I'm Shh!



Quiet.

Get 'em while they last, lady.

Step right over and help yourself.

Ethel, help the little lady, will you?

What'll you have?

Well, I'd like a sirloin.

A sirloin coming up.

Keep it down, keep it down, kid.

How much does this weigh?

Weigh.

Three pounds.

I'll take it.

Psst!



Come here.

Are you interested in some high-class beef?

Are you tired of paying high prices?

Do you want a bargain?

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

Is this choice meat?

Absolutely-- give the little lady her choice, Ethel.

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

That's not what I meant.

Get away from me, kid, you bother me.

Tell you what I'm gonna do: any cut you want, 79 cents a pound.

But how can you afford to sell it so cheap?

I'm glad you asked that, lady.

This is all made possible because we do everything ourselves.

We rope, we brand, we butcher, we market.

We do everything but eat it for you.

Well, I'll try a round steak.

Okay, step right over here.

A round steak.

Keep it down.

Hey, hey Rock-a-bye baby In the treetop Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop Step right up.

Every Ohh!



Amscray, amscray!



Utcherbay.

Watch the papers for our new location!



Good afternoon.

This is the last.

Oh, thank goodness.

Boy, 700 pounds of meat is a lot to carry.

Oh!



(inaudible)

You know you know, what worries me is how we're Oh!



Honey, I'm sor Wait till I get the key.

Gee, I'm sorry!



Oh, boy, it gets cold in there in a hurry!



Yeah, how about that.

You know, this is dangerous not being able to open that from the inside.

We'd better have this lock taken off tomorrow.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Golly.

Well, Lucy, we did it.

It's all in there.

Yeah now we just got to explain all this meat to Ricky and Fred.

Yeah.

You don't suppose they'd believe that a cow wandered in there and fell apart?

Nope.

No, I guess not.

(Ricky and Fred talking)

What's that?

It's Ricky and Fred.

They're coming down here!



Oh, no, they're up in the apartment.

We're hearing them through the furnace.

Are you sure?

Sure, I'll show you.

Don't touch that, honey, it's hot!



No, Fred's fixing it, remember?

Oh.

I wonder what Ricky's doing home already.

I'll see.

Lucy, they're looking for us!



What are we gonna tell them?

Well, come on, we can't let them find us down here.

Hurry up!



Well, Ethel, look who's here!



ETHEL: Why, it's Ricky and Fred!



LUCY: Yeah.

Girls, we want to talk to you.

About what?

I ran into Uncle Oscar today.

Start packing, Ethel.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

We're not mad at you.

We think it's a wonderful idea that you got the freezer.

Yeah, that was a real smart business deal.

Yeah, how about that?

In fact, we think you did so well getting the freezer that we want to do our share, too.

RICKY: That's right, and just to get you started, here's what we got.

Gee, swell.

Gee.

You ever saw that much meat in your whole life?

No.

Boy, that sure is a lot, isn't it, Ethel?

Well, come on, let's get it down to the freezer.

Yeah, let's put it in the freezer, come on.

No, no, wait a minute.

I have a couple of steaks.

I think we ought to do it all in one trip.

Come here and help me, Ethel.

What's with her?

Listen, you stall them while I get that meat out of the freezer.

How can I stall them?

Listen, if I can move 700 pounds of meat you ought to be able to keep two husbands occupied for a couple of minutes.

Well, what can I do?

Dance with them, talk, sing.

That's it, ask Ricky to sing.

Sing?

You know he won't.

Oh, won't he?

Listen, you take care of the ham.


I'll take care of the beef.

Hi, fellas.

Hi.

What's the delay?

Delay?

Where's Lucy?

Come on.

Lucy?

Um, uh uh, she, uh she, uh The freezer was dirty and she wanted to go down and clean it all up before you saw it.

Oh, honey, what's the difference?

Come on, we want to see it.

Let's go down there.

Come on, let's go down.

No, wait a minute, Fred.

You know Lucy, if she uh if, uh Ricky, I think you sing better than anybody in the whole world.

Would you sing for me?

Sing?

Now?

Yeah, now.

What's the matter with you?

Are you losing your mind?

Come on, we've got a freezer down there and a lot of meat to put in it.

Now let's go right now.

Wait, wait a minute, Fred.

Wait a minute.

If Ethel wants to hear me sing that bad, I gee, I wouldn't want to deprive her of the pleasure of it.

Oh, no.

Well, you'd like to hear me sing, eh?

All right.

You really think I sing good, huh?

Gee, that's very nice of you.

What would you like to hear?

Anything with a lot of choruses.

Oh, boy, a lot of choruses, eh?

All right.

Here's one.

Ay mama, ay nene Ay mama, ay nene Aw, Ricky!



Todos los negros tomamos cafe Ay mama, ay nene Ay mama, ay nene Todos los negros tomamos cafe Pero belen, belen, belen Adonde estabas metia Yo fui hasta jesus maria Yo te buscaba y no te encontre Ay mama, ay nene Ay mama, ay nene Todos los negros tomamos cafe Ay mama, ay nene Ay mama, ay nene Todos los negros Adonde estabas metia Yo fui hasta jesus maria Yo te buscaba y no te encontre Pero belen, belen, belen Adonde estabas metia Yo fui hasta jesus maria Yo te buscaba y no te encontre Yo estaba en casa de madrina Que ayer me mando a buscar En el de la esquina el viva en el manglar Ay mama, ay nene Ay mama, ay nene Todos los negros tomamos cafe Ay mama, ay nene Ay mama, ay nene Todos los negros tomamos cafe.

(humming)

Bravo!



Bravo!



Oh, isn't he wonderful, Fred?

Yeah, yeah.

Sing another one, Ricky.

All right, what you like to hear now?

How about that dandy little ditty entitled "Let's vamooso to el freezo"?

What would you like to hear, Ethel?

Anything.

All right, here's one you should like.

Ese lunar que tienes, cielito lindo, junto a la boca No se lo des a nadi, cielito lindo, que a mi me toca Ay, ay, ay, ay Canta y no llores Porque cantando se alegran, cielito lindo, los corazones Ay, ay, ay, ay Canta y no llores Porque cantando se alegran, cielito lindo, los corazones Ese lunar que tienes, cielito lindo, junto a la boca Here we come, Lucy.

Have you got it all cleaned up, Lucy?

Lucy?

Hey, this is great, Fred.

This is wonderful.

Yeah, look how big and roomy.

I bet you could hang a whole side of beef in there.

Are you kidding?

I bet that you (screams)

Oh!



Oh, Lucy!



Oh, Ricky, Ricky, she's freezing.

Lucy, you come out of there!



Come out of there now!



Oh, she's locked in!



Well, where's the key?

ALL: Where's the key, Lucy?

The key, Lucy?

The key for the door, where's the key?

The key, honey, where is it?

Where did you put it?

Where's the key?

Haven't you got the key?

Oh, honey honey, don't cry, honey, don't cry!



Don't cry.

I'll go and get a crowbar and we'll pry it open.

Well, hurry up, will you?

Honey oh, honey, don't cry!



Honey, don't cry!



Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!



Don't!



Boo-hoo-hoo!



Don't, honey, no.

Her tears are frozen!



Yeah.

Oh, honey Oh, my God, no Honey!



Honey!



Don't jump all around!



No, don't!



No, honey!



You'll use the oxygen!



Don't!



Oxygen?

Yeah, jumping around.

No, honey, no.

No, not good-bye, no, just stand still.

Lay against the wall-- rest.

Lay against the wall-- stand still!



Stand still against the wall.

Rest, honey.

Oh, here it is.

Here we go.

Are you getting it?

I think we got it.

Here we go.

Oh, my goodness!



Oh!



She's stiff as a poker!



I know it.

Wait a minute.

Wait, hold it, I'll get it Don't worry, just, just hold her a minute.

Hold it.

I'll get her back here.

Let me help.

Get her feet, Fred.

Get her feet!



Get her feet!



Let me help.

Easy!



Easy now!



Hey, fellas, easy!



Easy going around corners!



You might snap off an arm!



All right, take it easy!



All right, come on.

Now duck your head.

Watch her arm, watch her arm!



Hold it, hold it!



(teeth chattering)

Have some more hot soup, Lucy.

Oh, thank you.

Honey, you sure you're going to be all right?

Y-y-y-y-yeah, p-p-p-put the blanket up another notch.

All right.

We can be sure of one thing.

That freezer really freezes.

Oh, boy, you can s-s-say that again.

Well, how's our little quick-frozen redhead?

Okay, Fred.

Good.

Hey!



(sniffing)

What smells so good?

It certainly makes me hungry, whatever it is.

Yeah.

Hey, smells like somebody's cooking a roast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Smells delicious.

Yeah.

Fred, where were you just now?

Down lighting the furnace, why?

Unplug me!



Unplug me!



Unplug me!



What's the matter with you?

What's the matter, Lucy?

!



Lucy, where are you going?

Don't ask questions.

Just get a Kn*fe and a fork and a bottle of ketchup and follow me to the biggest barbecue in the whole world!



WGBH access.

wgbh.

org The part of the deliveryman was played by Frank Sully.

The women shoppers were Kay Wiley and Barbara Pepper.

I love Lucy is a Desilu production.
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