02x21 - Termite Queen

[bunniefuu]

Hey, you know what I was thinking, honey? We should have a little romantic getaway.

This weekend just you and me.

Guys, please, we're trying to eat here.

I think that sounds fun.

Where should we go? Casper, Wyoming The most romantic city.

In Wyoming.

Is the bug convention in Casper this year? The bug convention? Well, I'll just check the old calendar.

Ha! Now that is a coincidence.

Hey, mom, I think you should go.

Why? You planning to throw a party while we're gone? Now that is a coincidence.

Oh.

Well, party's off.

I'm not going.

Why not, mom? Bug convention sounds like a lot of I can't even get through it.

What do you even do at a bug convention? Nothing.

It's just a bunch of exterminators.

In a cramped conference room talking about deadly gas.

And then it gets boring.

First of all, honey, we are not a bunch.

We are a swarm.

Huh?! We got a lot of fun bug-related lingo like that, Like we don't get rooms, we nest.

We don't dine, we feed.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but can someone drive me to school? All right, guys, you know what? Pest control is what I do for a living.

I know it just may be rats and roaches and maggots to you, But it's my bread and butter.

And I'm done with my bread and butter.

today's all burnt toast ♪ running late and dad jokes ♪ "has anybody seen my left shoe?" ♪ I close my eyes, take a bite ♪ grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪ there it is up on the roof ♪ I've been there, I survived ♪ so just take my advice ♪ hang in there, baby, things are crazy ♪ but I know your future's bright ♪ hang in there, baby ♪ there's no maybe ♪ everything turns out all right ♪ sure life is up and down ♪ but trust me, it comes back around ♪ you're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪ hang in there, baby.

♪ - Hey, mom.

- Hey, honey.

Remember when I went off to college to k.

C.

U.

? Kwikki chikki university, seminar.

End training I remember it well.

Well, back in those crazy college days Those two crazy college days.

I met this guy named gravy ever in town, m if he was.

He could stay with us.

And I just found out he's moving to Denver, And he's gonna be working at kwikki chikki.

Okay, I think I see when is this happening? Party! Right about now.

P.

J.

, I can't believe on me at a time like this.

Est.

- Gravy! - P.J.

! That was the kwikki chikki handshake.

I was hoping.

Dude, you didn't tell me your sister was so hot.

Gravy, stay as long as you like.

Sweet crib! Dude, I'm so psyched you're here, dude.

- This is gonna be a blast.

- Epic! - Just think of all those wild times at college.

- Yeah.

Dude, remember the time the girls from hamburger tech came and partied with us? Yeah yeah! Or what about the time I think that's the only story we have.

Hey, mom, listen to this.

It's from that advice column "dear Tammy.

" It says, "dear Tammy, Recently a car I owned for 20 minutes.

Was sadly wrecked.

"How do I ask my parents for another one?" - That's almost exactly what happened to you.

- I know.

So then dear Tammy replied, "if your parents love you, they will buy you a new car.

And be glad they did.

" - That is so strange.

- Yeah.

Because dear Tammy passed away three years ago.

Well, that's a pretty good answer for a dead lady, right? Mom, please, owning that car was the best 20 minutes of my life.

Honey, if it were up to me, I'd buy you a new car.

The problem is your father.

He's been on a tear lately about saving money.

What is wrong with him? He's always saving and planning for the future.

What did grandma and grandpa do to him? How badly do you want this car? - Really badly.

- Sit down.

Teddy, Your father is a simple man.

- Yes, I'm with you so far.

- Okay.

If you want something from him, Then you need to do something he wants to do.

Then when he's in his happy place, just strike like a cobra.

Okay, what are you talking about? The bug convention, Teddy The bug convention.

You go there with your father and he will be so happy He will buy you a car.

Perfect.

I'll go to the bug convention.

How bad could it be? You have no idea.

I went to one convention.

I still have the dreams.

Hey, Gabe, guess what I got.

Last time we played this game, it was lice.

My mom gave me this cool new video camera.

For getting cut from the baseball team.

How does getting cut from the team get you a camera? She felt bad for me, and my dad gave me a skateboard for trying out.

I love sports.

This is pretty cool.

- We should make a movie.

- Yeah.

Ew! The camera does not love you.

But it does love me.

So I should be the star.

Dude, you're getting more like your mom every day.

So what kind of movie ould we make? How about a romantic comedy? Everyone loves a good romcom.

I thought of something while you were talking.

Let's make a monster movie.

Cool, but where are we gonna find a scary monster? Boo! I think we found our monster.

Done, done And not done.

How are you doing, a.

Dunc? A.

Dunc? Oh, yeah.

That's my new name for you.

Amy just wasn't kind of working for me.

Aren't you loving him? Loving? No no.

Liking? No.

Getting on my very last nerve? Ding ding ding! We have a winner.

Gravy honey, did you forget something in the kitchen? No, I'm good.

I meant your pants.

Yeah, I know.

I just like to take those off when I get home.

It's kind of how I unwind.

Okay, look, I get it that you're trying to be comfortable.

That is not how we roll in the Duncan house.

Dude, you're right.

This is so much more comfortable.

Honey, you're not gonna believe this.

Teddy wants to go to the bug convention with me.

Are we going pantsless now? This is the best day ever! "att*ck of the 50-foot baby, " Scene 1, take 1.

Okay, you're a mad scientist.

Action! Now that I've finished my super growth formula, It's time to test it out on an ordinary grape.

Cut.

Action.

It works on fruit, It works on fruit, But what about on human beings? I'll test it out myself.

But first let me check on my baby.

Baby.

Oh, baby! Charlie, come here.

Come here.

- Can you go drink the stuff now? - No.

It's just juice.

And cut.

Dude, what's your sister's problem? She's gotta drink the stuff.

She's two.

When I was two, I drank everything.

Just let me talk to her.

Charlie sweetheart, You're doing great.

The picture's gonna look terrific.

Here's the thing.

When we say drink the stuff, You gotta drink the stuff, okay? Okay, great.

Here we go.

Are you ready to Jake, what are you doing? We need that for the movie.

I'm doing an experiment.

I wanna see if it turns my pee blue.

P.

J.

! Hey, mom, what's up? What's up? Look at what gravy has done to this place.

Hey, he tidied up.

I've had it.

He's disgusting.

He's a slob.

I can't take it anymore.

I want him out.

Is this about the onion ring in the toilet? 'cause he needs a target.

Either you tell him by the end of the day tomorrow, Or I do it.

But he's my best friend from college.

Chicken college, a two-day chicken college! All right, okay.

But this has to be done the right way 'cause gravy's actually really sensitive.

All right, bad news, guys.

I just drank a gallon of water and we are out of onion rings.

Casper, Wyoming, Bug convention, guys in overalls.

You talk now.

Hey, hors d'oeuvres.

Help yourself, honey.

Okay.

This is good.

It's crunchy.

Freeze-dried ants.

All the food here is insect-based.

Isn't that fun? - Bob.

- Murray.

Hey, I would like to introduce you to my daughter Teddy.

Hi.

Hey, dad, do I have any legs in my teeth? She's a charmer.

So, Bob, you gonna pop by my speech? Keynote address, whatever.

Yeah, I got a new way to k*ll termites The Murray method.

Well, actually, Murray, I'm going on right after you.

Yeah, I got my own new method of k*lling termites The slam dunc.

I don't get it.

Bob Duncan.

Dunc.

Slam dunc.

Ooh, I see because no.

Well, I'm sure it will be very clear.

After the presentation.

I've seen your presentations, Duncan.

They lack pizzazz.

No visual aids.

That's your problem.

Pass.

Man, I hate that Murray.

But do you know what? Here's what he doesn't know.

This year I have a visual aid that is going to blow the roof.

Off this place, thanks to you, honey.

Or should I say.

Termite queen? - What? - Yeah! You're gonna be onstage with me this year.

Playing the disgustingly huge supreme monarch of the termite colony.

But but Okay.

Hey, gravy.

Can I talk to you for a sec? It's kind of important.

Of course.

You can tell me anything.

You were my best buddy at kwikki chikki.

I would do anything for you.

I would even eat our chicken for you.

I would never ask you to do that.

Yeah.

But the thing is it's been super great having you here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah.

Wow, this is hard.

Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you.

A.

Dunc keeps rearranging my room.

Not cool, all right? Talk to her for me? Dude, I've been home for like an hour.

What am I still doing with my pants on? The Murray method, A safe non-toxic elixir for k*lling termites, Derived from the common orange.

Try the Murray method and you'll say, "orange you glad you're not a termite?" Try and top that, Duncan.

Go squeeze yourself.

Hey, everybody, I am Bob Duncan of Bob's bugs be gone.

Now sure, yes, you can pay Murray.

To go and spray orange juice all over your house.

Or you can att*ck.

The problem at its source.

And what is that source? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.

The termite queen! Gonna get a car.

Gonna get a car.

The termite queen, The grand royal mama of the colony, Her only job: Pumping out termite eggs.

Around the clock.

Behold termite eggs, Go, my babies, go.

Eat wood and destroy siding.

Relax, everybody, relax.

Keep your seats.

There is a solution.

Here, your majesty, Try the slam dunc.

Ha! Curse you, slam dunc method.

I'm rendered useless.

Do you hear me? Useless.

Oh, what a world.

What a world.

Car.

Okay, you're a 50-foot baby about to destroy the entire city.

Action.

Cut! What do you want me to do? Dude, we're never gonna finish this movie if she keeps running off.

How do we solve that? Glue her shoes to the floor? Okay, these puppies aren't going anywhere.

Charlie.

Dude, your mom.

There you are.

What are you boys doing? Not gluing shoes to the floor.

That's for sure.

Gabriel Duncan! She wouldn't do what we wanted.

I should have known.

Every time you ask to watch Charlie, - It's because you wanna glue her to something.

- Mom.

Sorry, boys, the kid's out of the picture.

Mom, we're not done yet.

Now what are we gonna do? We got a monster movie with no monster.

Unless Now rain down some terror.

Welcome towikki chikki.

Would you like to try our new batter balls? No.

Good call.

I will have the kwikki combo #3.

With Cole slaw, Curly fries.

And you have to move out by tomorrow.

P.

J.

, is that you? Yeah, it's me.

I couldn't do this face to face, So I thought I'd do it face to beak.

Look, gravy, I love you like a brother, But you're kind of messy and you're driving my mom nuts, And you gotta go.

Oh, and I'll have a chocolate milk shake.

Talk to me, man, come on.

You there? Hey, do you mind? I'm having a moment here.

Gravy, come on.

Dude, talk to me.

P.

J.

, I'll find another place to stay.

It's no biggie.

Oh, and that'll be $4.

95 at the second window.

I'm sorry, man.

Don't worry about it.

You're my buddy.

The fact that it was so hard for you to say this to me, I mean, it means a lot.

So we good? You wanna flap it out? Yeah.

Dad, before we go in, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.

- What's that, honey? - First, are you happy? Are you kidding me? I'm over the moon.

That was the best bug convention ever.

Great, great, 'cause there's something that I wanted to ask you.

Actually, you know what? Before you do, there's something I wanna say.

You know, sometimes I just feel.

Like you kids are growing up so fast that That you just don't have time for your old man.

You know? So when you asked to come with me this weekend, Honey, you made me feel so great.

Thank you.

And I love you very very much.

I'm sorry.

What did you wanna ask me? Oh, I just wanted to say I love you too, dad.

Love you too.

- Hey.

- Hey, there's my little bugaboos.

- How was the convention? - The best ever.

Hey, Teddy, tell her all about it.

Okeydokey.

He looks pretty happy.

What kind of car you getting? I couldn't do it.

What? You got him all happied up for nothing? Looks like mama's getting a new pair of shoes.

Oh, Bob honey.

Hey, Charlie.

Well, I did the right thing went with dad to the bug convention, Made him real happy.

Unfortunately, so happy.

He invited me to go again next year.

I'm gonna be a mosquito.

- What are you doing? - Just measuring your wingspan.

- Oh.

- We're gonna be selling the Duncan zapper.

Oh, zapper! Sounds painful.

Now someday you're gonna be going to these bug conventions.

Yeah.

Good luck, Charlie.

Okay.

att*ck of the 50-foot baby, scene 1, take 1.

att*ck of the 50-foot baby, scene 1, take 1.

Okay, you're a mad scientist.

Go on Action! Now that I've finished my super growth formula, It's time to test it out on an ordinary grape.

It works! No it doesn't.

It's a rubber ducky.

Well If somebode hadn't eaten the watermelon, I wouldn't have to improvise.