05x08 - Lady Lazarus

[bunniefuu]

I didn't want to play cards anyway.

I was supposed to talk to Dunphy,
but he's sick again.

You know,
the other top salesman in my department,

he reads all day long,

and I'm out here on the train
hustling people.

I'm really having a lean month.

Okay, Howard, I knew this day would come.

Look, I already have life insurance.

It came with my junior partnership.

And it's six times my annual salary,

and after two years, it covers su1c1de.

So make your pitch brief.

Are you kidding me?

What?

Look, I wasn't gonna put the arm on you,

but you have a kid.

I guarantee you
that policy pays the company and not you.

Imagine everything you have
just stopped short

the minute they put you in the ground.

I don't think you're right about that.

Oh, I'm positive.

Forget it.

I'll leave that to you
and your sleepless nights.

I'm surprised you're not doing better.

- You like my new tie?
- Yes.

You know what a new tie means?

It means I have a spectacular
new side dish in the city.

Strawberry blonde.
Tiny thing with huge tits.

Twenty-fourth floor, 24-years-old.

I got an apartment.

What's your wife saying?

She's happy because I provide for her.

She's not worried
about what might happen to her

if something happens to me.

Aren't you worried
you're going to get caught?

I'll be right back.

I have a Jack Shapiro calling for you.

Well, for Megan Calvet.

Thank you so much, Dawn.

So sh*t for sh*t, it's A Hard Day's Night,

as these screaming girls
increase in numbers

until our mop-top in the white leatherjacket

ducks into the Chevalier Blanc Pub.

Notice the white chess piece.

Then we're inside and we're in color,

but there's even more girls.

The music cuts and they stare at him

like at the end of The Birds.

"You may have second thoughts
about wearing Chevalier Blanc.

"It's more trouble than it's worth."

So we've been looking for a piece of music.

It really has
to have that sound that the movie has.

Well, that sound is the Beatles,

who you said are impossible to get.

Oh, don't worry.
There's a million bands that sound like that.

Or we'll make our own.

AII we want is the chaos and the fun,

that sort of adolescent joy.

We know what the Beatles sound like.
We'll do our best.

Great.

Well, we'll get back to you on that
and the schedule.

Great seeing you both.

You, too.

Make sure in the casting

that this guy is more like Calvin than Rick.

Usually you have
to go to one of your finer men's rooms

to find a man like Rick.

So nothing about the applause?

It was their idea.

Now what about the song?

Like I said, there's a million of them.

Herman's Hermits, Chad & Jeremy,
The Merseybeats, The Zombies.

You really think the Zombies are right?
It's gotta be right.

You know what, I'll ask Megan. She'll know.

You wanted to see me?

See anything you like?

- Are you asking if I ski?
- No.

I want to know which skis you want.
Or take them both.

Do they explode or something?

Yes, Allen Funt sent them over.

Do you want them or not?
Because they want you.

- The skis do?
- Roger O'Hara took it upon himself

as head of the Head Ski Company

to demand your handling
of his account over my lunch.

- Really?
- Yes.

You're making quite a name for yourself.

Why are you telling me this?

Relax. It's good.

It's what I've always wanted.

Sit back, let the business roll in
while you pass the jug

with some schmoe
from Lutherville, Maryland.

Go on, take them.

Yes.

I suppose I will.

And I got to see that.

Where have you been hiding all day?
I was about to leave.

I've been working. I thought you were, too.

Nope.

Why don't you come with me,

dress up another drab client dinner?

- Don...
- Hey, let me ask you something.

When did music become so important?

It's always been important.

I mean jingles, yeah.

But now everybody keeps coming in,
looking for some song.

And they're so specific.

You love specific.

But I have no idea
what's going on out there.

Well, no one can keep up.
It's always changing.

We're going to Danny's Hideaway.

You have to go and I have to work.

See you at home?

I promise.

You're leaving late.

Is it snowing out there?

No. Sporting goods account.

And they're already giving us presents.
That's good.

They're giving me presents,
and I've never even met them.

Are you a really good skier? Like famous?

Well, good night.

I thought we were working.

Don just called.
I have to meet him for dinner.

Nothing I can do about that, I guess.

You can go home, too.

I don't know. They're not right.

They're exactly as you dictated them to me.

They're exactly like they're supposed to be,

but they're not it.

Maybe they are.

Go ahead.

Thanks. Good night.

- I'm sorry.
- Excuse me?

You didn't happen to see
Howard Dawes on the train?

Are you Beth?

Yes.

He talks about you often.

I'm sorry, he doesn't talk about anyone
to me.

Peter Campbell.

We should switch cars.

I don't know how I'm gonna
get these in there.

Except I locked my keys inside.

He should have been home by now,

and I'm afraid maybe
he fell asleep on the train.

He's done that before.

Now that I think of it,

I saw some fellow corner him
in the Oyster Bar.

He may be a while.

I can notify a locksmith
for the car and the house.

Can you just drive me home?

The house is open.
I'll deal with this in the morning.

Next time we turn, I'll warn you.

When's the next train?

You know what? I'll give you my number.

And when Howard calls from the station,

I'll shuttle him home.

He's not coming home.
He's staying in the city.

We got an apartment.

"We."

You're enough of a stranger
that I've never heard your name,

yet you know where he is and I don't.

I don't know anything.

Did you know that was a stop sign?

You're an awful driver.

Are you from Manhattan?

Yes. And I just learned.

I could never live in the city.

What's wrong with it?

Well, I love it,
but all the hobos and the panhandlers...

There aren't that many.

Well, they always accost me.

I think it's because I make eye contact.

And then I always give them money,

and I can't stop thinking about them
for the rest of the day.

Wandering around, sleeping in doorways.

When I was little, I tried to make my father
give one money and he wouldn't.

He said,
"We couldn't take care of everybody."

I guess we're supposed to get used
to not seeing them.

Yes.

That's exactly what happens.

Hello?

It's me. Is Megan there?

Isn't she with you?

Yes, we're playing a hilarious joke on you.

She left a while ago
to meet you at the restaurant.

When?

I don't know. After you called.

I didn't call.

She must be at home.

I'm at home.

Maybe she went to the restaurant

and missed you
and now she's on her way home.

I don't know where she is.
Do you know where Abe is?

Goodbye, Peggy.

It's a lovely house.

Is it harder to lie to me
now that you know me?

Howard is working, I'm sure of it.

I don't even think he'd care
if I was alive or dead.

I'm sorry, but you're being very dramatic.

You drove me home. Now leave me alone.

I'm not leaving until I'm sure
you're not hysterical.

You don't know what you're doing.

You just want to get back at him.

Don't you want me?

You can have me.

Are you really worried
that Howard's coming home?

Hello?

Hello? Peggy?

Pizza House.

I used to be like this.

What do you mean?

Just reckless.

I can't believe that happened.

Say something.

I've had men paying attention to me
since before it was appropriate.

They don't care what I say.

They just watch my lips move.

I'm listening to every word you say.

Your irises are so blue and round.

Have you seen those pictures
of the earth from space?

I have.

I'll take that as a compliment.

It didn't bother you
to see the earth tiny and unprotected,

surrounded by darkness?

So you don't like my eyes?

This can never happen again.

What?

No, of course. I...

No, I mean it.

- Okay.
- You should get home.

I don't want to leave you here.

Why not? I'm fine now.

I'm going to have a snack and go to bed.

I don't want to leave you.

Thank you for the ride home.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Where were you?

Peggy said I called you
and you were going to meet me?

I went out for a drink with Joey and Troy.

Had to lie to Peggy to get out of there.

I've done that.

I'm hungry. I'm going to get some crackers
or something.

- You want anything?
- No.

- Good morning.
- 'Morning.

I'm sorry. I had no idea he was gonna call.

It's not what you think.

Don't put me in that position again.

I cannot lie to him.

- I lost a night's work. I couldn't sleep...
- Would you stop?

A friend of mine knows somebody
doing an off-off-Broadway show.

I read on the weekend,

and then I got a callback last night
and I didn't want to miss it.

But I didn't get it, so that's it.
It's done.

Why can't you tell Don?

Tell Don I still want to be an actress?

Do you?

I know copywriting's hard,

but you're doing great.

You shouldn't give up.

I wouldn't tell you this
if I didn't think you had talent.

The other day they asked me
to take Stan's originals down to the printer,

and I thought all I have to do
is throw these in the trash and they'll fire me

or at least they'd yell at me
and I could cry enough and quit.

And then I realized they'll never fire me.

You want to quit?

I don't know. What do I do?

You know there are people
k*lling to get this job.

You're taking up a spot
and you don't even wanna do it?

I'm sorry I told you.

You didn't. I caught you.

And then you act like you want advice,

but you've obviously
already made up your mind.

Because he's so easy to talk to?

Well, you can't keep lying to him.

It's so simple
when it's someone else's life, isn't it?

You're right. I don't care what you do.

Phil Beachum is not just the boss,
he's the head of desserts.

Head of desserts?
Please tell me he's 300 pounds.

He's big, just not as big as you'd like.

Anyway, Pat Wallace loved the way
you and Megan...

You know, your banter.

- Dawn, where's Megan?
- She's not coming.

I'm sorry.

I was just saying how Pat Wallace
loved the Mr. And Mrs. Draper bit.

And you're gonna go to the test kitchen,

taste a couple of different formulations
of Cool Whip,

and maybe put on a little show to his boss,

you know, as a courtesy.

So, Don, if you could bring everybody
up to speed.

Well, I don't know
what anybody knows about Cool Whip.

I read a 30-page dossier

that fails to use the words,
"Fake whipped cream."

Because it's a non-dairy whipped topping

that comes frozen
and then melts into this miracle.

Just do the bit.

Okay.

Honey, I don't even think I want dessert.

- You love dessert.
- You love dessert,

and you just want me to have some
so you can have some.

I made two.

- What is it?
- It's Cool Whip.

- It looks like whipped cream.
- Just taste it.

- Is it a topping?
- Well, you can have it on ice cream like this

or on fruit or cake

orjust by itself.

- Just taste it.
- So it's a dessert?

- Just taste it.
- Is it sweet?

Just taste it.

That's it. That's the line. "Just taste it."

People are gonna be yelling it
at the TV set.

- It's adorable, right?
- It's a nice twist

on the stupid husband and pushy wife
because they actually like each other.

Are you going to be in the ads?

No. I tried. They're not interested.

Cool Whip's not interested
or Don and Megan aren't interested?

We're not interested.

- Don't you like it?
- No, I do.

Just absorbing it.

Hello?

Beth?

It's Peter.

I know who it is.

I want you to get on a train
and meet me in the city.

- Anywhere.
- No.

Just a minute.

What do you want?

Nothing. You came over to me.

You opened the door.

Are you still there?

Was your secretary on the line?

No. I'm at a pay phone.

You're taking away all my fears.

I mean, suddenly I don't think about the fact
that you ride with my husband

on the train twice a day
and that you live 20 minutes away

and I'd see your wife at the market,
if I ever went.

I know, I know.

Are you sorry I called?

Just... Stop.

Enjoy the memory. Leave it alone.

I mean, fantasize about it. I will, too.

But... Don't call me again.

Don.

What's the matter?

I have to talk to you.

What's wrong?

I lied to you last night.

Okay.

I told you that I went for a drink,
but I didn't.

I had a call-back for a play.

Okay. So?

I feel really bad about lying to you.

And now you're telling me.

- You do that a lot?
- Audition?

- No, lie to me.
- No.

- Did you get it?
- What?

No. No, I didn't.

But it was incredible, Don.

I think I was pretty close.

My heart was racing.

I mean, I'm rusty.

I need to go back to class,

but I realized something.

- What?
- I miss acting.

I think I gave up too easy,

and I don't even know how I stopped.

I never made a decision, that's for sure.

We can't be in the Cool Whip ad.

It's bad for business.

No. I just keep thinking

I could be on Broadway or off-Broadway

or, I don't know, films, even.

Sweetheart...

Sometimes we don't get to choose
where our talents lie.

I mean, what you did with Heinz,

it took me years to be able
to think that way.

Well, I can't explain it,

but I felt better failing in that audition

than I did when I was succeeding at Heinz.

Because that was about
making the client happy.

Wait till you walk down the street
and see the work on a wall or on TV.

That's when you feel something.

Do you know that I can't even stand
going to the theater anymore

because all I feel is envy?

And I know the next thing is bitterness,

and I don't want to feel that.

Okay. So what do you want to do?

I mean, there's no guarantee.

And I'm so grateful.

This gave me so much confidence.

But I never tried as hard at acting

as I did at advertising.

And it'll never be for me
what it is for you.

Look, I know it's uncomfortable
for you with me there.

There's a shadow over everything.

I put you in a terrible position.

There are 20 firms
that would be glad to have you.

I don't want to do it, Don.

You don't want to do it?

I'm sorry.

Since I was a little girl,
it's all I ever dreamed about.

I understand.

I don't want to keep you from your dream.

You're so good to me.

So what do you want to do?

I mean, you woke me up
in the middle of the night.

It's obviously some sort of emergency.

Well, I can finish up my work
and then help train the new person.

You want to train somebody? No.

We'll go in tomorrow
and you'll say goodbye to everybody

and we'll get you on your way.

Really?

It's what you want.

I don't know what to say.

I love you.

I love you, too.

- 'Morning.
- 'Morning.

Megan's quitting.

Yes. So I think today's
going to be her last day.

Okay.

How do you do this?

Do you want to have a seat?

It's not like that, Joan.

She's up for a part in a play,
and even if she doesn't get it,

she's decided to go back
to acting full time.

Well, I'm sure she'll be wonderful.

Do we make an announcement?
Do we have a party?

What's the protocol?

Why don't we have the girls
take her to lunch?

I mean, she's not disappearing, is she?

No, she's not.

Don, I'll take care of it.

There you are.

Yep, been here for a while.

Well, I wanted to tell everyone, actually.

Megan, are you okay?

I'm not going to be working here anymore,

and it's really hard to tell everybody.

Hey! Megan's talking to you.

Go ahead.

I'm so sorry.

I'm not going to work here anymore.

Did he fire you? That son of a bitch!

No.

No, I'm going back to try acting again.

- Are you kidding me?
- Stan.

- No, I'd better get used to it.
- I was...

- I'm gonna miss you.
- Me, too.

Acting is fascinating.
It's probably easier for girls.

But let me ask you,
do they always give you clothes

or do you have to do it in your own clothes?

I don't know. Yes, they give you a costume.

- Shoes, too?
- Yes.

Break a leg.

See you around.

I think I'm in the middle
of a lot of things,

but Don told me
that I was just supposed to hand it over.

Are you sure about this?

Peggy...

I've always appreciated
what you've done for me,

not just yesterday.

I should see Joan.

That takes a lot of guts.

I'll tell you what takes guts...

Never having money for lunch.

She owes me, like, $15 at this point.

What am I gonna do, ask Don? Call her?

I think it's clear why she left.

- That's not why.
- Well, why?

Come on, reality got her.

You work your ass off for months,
bite your nails, for what?

Heinz Baked Beans.

Why are you so late?

I missed the early train.

Megan's gone. She quit.
She's gonna be an actress.

Joan just told me, like, five minutes ago.

Is that so?

It doesn't shock you?

No, not really.

What about Don?

Please. They do whatever they want,
even to Draper.

Well, the good news is

we don't have to look
over our shoulders anymore,

wondering what she's gonna tell him.

They work it over in their minds,

turn it off and on when they feel like it,

and we're just there, waiting at attention.

It's not the way it's supposed to be.

Trudy pregnant again?

Have you seen those pictures of earth
from space?

Of course.

Do they make you feel small
and insignificant?

No, Jennifer does that.
And I'm not small, Pete.

Don't know
if you've ever heard that about me.

Save it for your convention whores.

Hey, keep it down.

I'm asking you a serious question.

I like the pictures of the earth.
I find them to be majestic.

Why do they give you a glimmer of hope
in the midst of rejection?

A little thread to hang on to,

a misplaced word,
a suggestion of the future.

Under a court of law,
it would look like an accident,

but it's not.

So we're not talking about Megan,
and we're not talking about Trudy.

Why do they get to decide
what's going to happen?

They just do.

So enjoy your lunch.

I'll see you after. I have to get my box.

Do you really wanna come back here
and do this again?

I'll bring it home.

Thank you.

I'll see you at home.

You will.

Hey, chief, good news.

Rick from Chevalier found a song they like
for the Hard Day's Night spot.

Bet it's his boyfriend's favorite.

Help yourself.

I think it works pretty well.

Not that it matters
when they send it over, right?

- Are you kidding me?
- Why am I listening to this?

You know we can't get the Beatles.

It's not the Beatles.

This song's, like, 30-years-old.

But it's happy and it's fun.

And Don thought it was the Beatles.

- And they like it.
- Turn it off.

It's stabbing me in the f*cking heart.

Why are you cursing?

- Can you excuse us?
- Sure.

We're due at the test kitchen tomorrow.

And they're expecting...

What do you want to do?
We can just cancel it.

We're not canceling. Tell them Megan's sick.
Peggy will do it.

Sure. I'll let her know.

I wasn't expecting to see you.

Yeah, well, tonight I go home,

have dinner with the wife,
everything's in balance.

You know, Howard, I talked to my office

and it turns out you were right
about my policy,

so I let them set me up with a broker.

Well, why'd you do that?
You didn't even give me a chance.

I'm telling you, aren't I?

I got all the paperwork at my house.

I can go home, have some supper,
and stop by later.

Well, our baby's been sick.

You know, I could just stop by right now.

- Beth's a great cook.
- Is she?

We missed you at Megan's lunch.

I guess you have some extra work.

No. I told her I'd rather
go to my own lunch with her.

I'm not gonna lie, I did not see it coming.

I thought she would fail here.

I feel bad.

I think maybe I was harder on her,

scared her away.

Second wives,
it's like they have a playbook.

I don't think she's like that.

Peggy, she's going to be a failing actress
with a rich husband.

No, I think she's good at everything.

I think she's just one of those girls.

Then you had every right to be hard on her.

Did you know that
he met Betty Draper doing a print ad?

Did you know she was a model?

That's the kind of girl Don marries.

Good night.

Beth? Honey?

I don't know where the hell my kids are.

Hello. You have a lovely home.

This is my friend, Pete, from the train.

He has, believe it or not,
an insurance emergency.

- I really don't want to be an intrusion.
- It's fine.

We've always got room for one more.

- Where are the kids?
- At my mother's.

Now, don't tell me. You're...

Thirty-two.

I'll be at the Hotel Pennsylvania at 12:30.

No.

I don't want that.

Then throw it out.

Your old man d*ed young,
but in a plane crash, right?

That's right.

Howard, may I speak with you?

Where are you going?

She's got a migraine.

It's baked chicken.

- I can set a table.
- I don't know.

You've got me in a little trouble here.

Don't run away.

Okay.

You shouldn't cook in bare feet.

Hello.

Don't get used to this because there is
going to be a lot of crying from rejection.

No, I'll try and hold it together.

Beef bourguignon. Taste.

It's hot as hell.

I thought for sure you'd come home drunk.

Megan...

It's okay.

Do you wanna fix yourself a drink?

Don...

I love you.

You're everything I had hoped you'd be.

You, too.

They're arranged in
varying degrees of sweetness,

the sweetest at the end.

It's like cheese.

You have to try the Camembert
before the Gorgonzola.

And we have to use clear bowls

because everybody
used to pick the blue one.

Go ahead, Sarah will take notes.

We'll start with your thoughts, Ken.

Well, I can't imagine it
tasting any better than that.

Welcome to the Creative Cookery Kitchen.

You know,
I always like to say you're in for a treat,

but today it sounds like we are.

How's it going? Did I miss anything?

- They just sampled "A."
- And?

It's not whipped cream,
but it's delicious on its own.

- Now you answer your wife, right?
- What?

Listen, Phil, Don's wife is sick.

This is Peggy. She's the copywriter.

- Really?
- It'll be just as good.

Go ahead.

- Honey.
- Yes, dear?

I was just going to say

I don't even think I want dessert.

Well, I made two.

Don't do that.

Don't you wanna know what it is?

- It's Cool Whip.
- That's right, it's Cool Whip.

Just try it.

Honey, is that really what you want?

Yes, I want you to try it.

Don't you want me to taste it?

Yes, just taste it.

Why? Is it a topping?

Yes, and you can put it on ice cream

and cake and fruit.

So it's a dessert, then?

Just try it already.

Just taste it.

Well...

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
- A pleasure.

We'll talk soon.

I'll be right back.

I am so thirsty.

Look, I think you did great.

It wasn't what it was about anyway.

They know we're going to cast it.

You think the actress
can remember to say, "Just taste it?"

You didn't want to rehearse.
You ran it through one time half-assed.

Look, I've done it a bunch. I knew my lines.

Do you think Megan would come back
and do it in the office?

- Megan is not the problem.
- You didn't want her there!

You were threatened
by everything about her.

I spent more time training her than you did
and eight months defending her.

Defending her? She was great at it!

She thinks advertising is stupid.

No, she thinks the people she worked with
are cynical and petty.

- Listen...
- I did everything right,

and I am still getting it from you.

You know what?
You are not mad at me, so shut up!

I'm sorry, you can't smoke in here.

- For God's sake, are you avoiding me?
- Yes.

What happened?

She's following her dream.

That's admirable.

I gotta say, I can see her as an actress.

Not that she's insincere, but, you know.

She's very sincere.

I sure as hell didn't get to choose
what I wanted to do.

- My father told me.
- I was raised in the '30s.

My dream was indoor plumbing.

You know what? She wants to have a baby.

This is just the beginning of her process.

I don't know.
I suggested that path on our honeymoon.

She said my kids were enough.

Jane wanted a baby,

but I thought, "Why do that to somebody?"

Why shouldn't she do what she wants?

I don't want her to end up like Betty.

Or her mother.

You gotta go home,
let her know that there's a routine.

It'll keep you both out of trouble.

Mona's dad told me that.

I was afraid I was going to leave for class
and miss you.

You said you didn't know
what was going on.

I bought you the latest Beatles album.

Start with this one.

Have fun.