05x09 - Dark Shadows

[bunniefuu]

How is fishing competitive?
Man versus fish?

- No.
- Morning.

Man versus man.
The weighing, the measuring.

Got to respect anything
that rewards you for silence.

Come on.

Morning, all.

My mother always said
good news could wait.

But I spent an hour and a half
on the phone last night

with my new best friend Victor
at the New York Times.

Gonna get a paper route?

No, they're doing
some literary profile on hip agencies.

Hep.

After an hour of
invading the details of my life...

You shouldn't start it with the Mayflower.

Anyway, I told him to get in touch with you.

He wants to see what we've been up to.

I'll have Joan put it together.

And don't worry about an interview.

He seemed to be
only interested in talking to me.

Sterling Campbell Draper Pryce.
May I help you?

And this one.

That'll do it.

Peggy really got buried with Heinz.

Yes, they are mostly Mr. Ginsberg.

Look at all the great work
you've done as creative director.

Look at all these voices, all this talent.

You really should put the letter in there.

Should I? That was a year ago.

As far as the world knows,
it wasn't really an ad.

It's something to talk about.

We're still suffering for it.

Might as well get something out of it.

Leave 'em.

See? Because playing with a pro
makes you worse.

Makes you self-conscious.

Look, J.C., you golf with me,
you're gonna win every time.

No, because I'm terrible.

Okay.

Get Max Rosenberg on the phone.

I thought your tailor was Italian.

I met him at the Javits fundraiser.

He's got a piece of business.
It's a Jewish wine.

Why not bring it up at new business?

Why?

Don't you think we're capable
of doing this on our own?

Mr. Campbell is very good for our business,

but this requires your finesse
and, frankly, your Semitic wife.

Bert, how do you not know
I'm getting a divorce?

Not Mona, Jane.

Jane and I are getting divorced.

Already?

How Jewish are they?

You know, Fiddler on the Roof,
audience or cast?

The company is Manischewitz.
Max will know.

You can't blink.

Try to keep your eyes open
so the sting from the air comes in.

Like this.

Daddy, don't forget the colored pencils.

Whining is not gonna get you anything.

I'm crying because I need them so badly
for my family tree project.

- Dinner's at 7:00?
- You're gonna work all day?

It's 3:30.

- Bye, boys.
- Bye-bye.

How'd you do that?

Just keep 'em wide open and think about
something that makes you sad.

They're probably tying their shoes.
That's what it always is.

I can't sit here all day.

I thought you could park anywhere.

Betty, I'm not an ambulance.
We're double-parked.

What do you think you're doing, pal?

Okay. Jesus.

Just go get 'em. I'll circle.

The doorman said you were downstairs.

- Where's Megan?
- I don't know. In the bathroom.

Hurry up, get everybody.

Bobby, Gene, Mom's here.

Come on.

We were waiting.

And they buzzed you.

Henry's double-parked.

I'm sorry. I've lost track of the time.

Don's late.

This is quite an apartment.

Thank you.

I think you've seen most of it.

- Bobby, come on.
- I'll go get them.

Daddy was supposed to bring
the colored pencils.

I'll buy you some. Let's go.

Okay, goodbye.

Bye.

This is irritating.

I'll see you in two weeks.

Goodbye.

A trail of Sno Balls
leading to bigger sales.

A frozen machine
that makes money for vendors.

Now, if it's for the customers, the kids,

do they get to work the machine?

Find out.

A snowman

on the beach.

A Sno Ball's chance in hell.

They don't melt.

They're refreshing for the damned.

They're sinful.

The Sno Ball is the sin
that gets you into hell.

They're sinfully delicious.

Jesus, not bad.

Just put Gene to bed. I'll be right up.

Everyone loves the cartoons
in The New Yorker.

And I thought we could do that kind

with the guy crawling across the Sahara
dying of thirst,

the long beard, the tattered shirt.

Only there's four guys,

and each one has
a thought bubble above him.

"Water, water,

"water, Sno Ball."

- What's the line?
- Doesn't need one.

Well, if you want to
stay with the New Yorkerthing,

maybe some kind of cryptic joke.

- I already have the joke.
- Okay. Your turn.

As much as I hate
following another comedian,

Sno Ball, because it's for kids,

demands a big, loud joke.

"Hit me in the face with a Sno Ball"
is the tag.

And the picture is someone
getting hit in the face with a snowball.

Not the drink, an actual
round, white, messy snowball.

And when I say someone, I mean a cop,

school teacher with glasses,
businessman, Indian chief.

Anybody kids hate. And maybe a pig.

Why a pig?

I don't know, but everybody laughed.

Great, so that's a way to go.

I agree.

Also, Sno Ball comes with its own slogan
because when you think of a snowball,

there's a 90 % chance
you think of its chance in hell.

Right. That's true.

So I picture this devil

with a mischievous smile on his face,

sipping a Sno Ball
in front of the flames of hell.

The cup is beading with condensation.

And in your head you hear his voice,

"Yes, even me."

That's actually good.

I'm glad I could surprise you.

No, it's just damn impressive

you could not write for so long
and come back with that.

It's good to know.

Thank you.

- It's great.
- I'm working on the line.

I'll do the rest of it.
That's the easiest part to change.

So let's run with both of these.

May I?

Judy Steckler, half-pound loss.

That's so good. We both had a good week.

I don't know what happened.
I just wasn't that hungry this week.

Stop it. You're here. You came.

This meeting can start
to define what is a good week

and a bad week in our lives.

But there are good weeks and bad weeks
for thin people, too.

Coming to Weight Watchers
is not just a chance

to feel better about yourself.

It's a chance to share so that if,
for example,

you're someone like me,
you don't stuff yourself

just to keep from telling
your family your problems.

How was your week, everybody?

Betty?

Well, I had a bad week out there

after having a good week in here.

Could you stand up, sweetheart?

I, you know, had

a very trying experience.

I was in an unfamiliar place and I saw...

Felt a lot of things I wish I hadn't.

And I lost a half a pound.

And I feel like I should
pat myself on the back

because it was really hard.

We always talk about our goal in pounds,

but that's not all it is, is it?

Thank you, Betty.

Anyone else? Katherine with a "k."

Burke Devlin will never be a stranger
in Collinsport. Just do what you're told.

But the way he looks at Vicky...
I know what that means.

Who was she to him, Mr. Collins?

I've heard her name too many times.

What could that miserable
schoolmarm offer him that I can't?

I'll k*ll myself! I will!

Who the hell is this woman?

She's a new character.

She's a cook and she's in love.

She's insane. She needs a drink.

They want you to be emotional.

You haven't even seen the show.

I've seen a soap opera.
I don't think I've seen one this bad.

And isn't this supposed to be scary?

I didn't come for an acting lesson,
but thank you for making me more nervous.

Come on, we used to
laugh about this together.

You'll go in and turn
that chuck into tenderloin.

You know what? It's just so easy for you
from your throne on 73rd and Park.

Some of us act for a living
and we wait tables when we don't.

- That's not fair.
- No, it isn't.

What do you want me to say?

That I'd k*ll for an audition
in this piece of crap?

I would. Are you happy?

Look, I'm sorry. I'm nervous.

I haven't had a job in a while
and you're lucky, that's all.

I am.

I've got to go. I've got a shift.

What should I bring for Thanksgiving?

Something sweet.

Mr. Ginsberg is here to see you.

I like the connect the dots.
What's it end up being?

Actually, it's reminiscent
of certain experiences for some people.

Have a seat.

Michael, can you keep a secret?

Nope.

I need you to do some work for me
on a prospective account.

It will involve a client dinner.

And m*rder.

You're not going to dinner.

What I need from you is a couple of ideas
for a company called Monarch Wines.

The brand is Manischewitz.

- You assume that I'm Jewish.
- Stop talking.

They make wine for Jews.

And now they're making one
they want to sell to normal people.

You know what I mean, people like me.

I think they're open to anything,

but it has to be cheap,
surprise, but impactful.

Bring me a couple of your best
by sundown Friday.

I have done a little research.

You know, I work for the agency.

And I don't know I want
to keep a secret from Don.

You know Don. Tall guy, short temper.

For the purposes of this dinner,
these are my ideas.

If it works out,
Don will obviously pick you for it

and you can come up
with them all over again.

Yeah, but why?

Well, Michael,

when a man hates another man
very, very much,

sometimes he wants to know
that something is his,

even if in the end he has to give it up.

You really do hate Campbell.

I don't devote the energy
to hating people anymore.

It's for Mr. Cooper.

And what's for me? It's a lot of work.

My paying clients might suffer.

Jesus, I am bankrolling this entire outfit.

Say 100 now and 100 Monday morning.

You wipe your ass with 200 bucks.

Here, take it.

I've got to start carrying less cash.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry.

I can't eat fish five times a week.

I'm sorry.

I don't want you to go to bed hungry.

I don't do it all the time.

Couldn't sleep.

You better take it out.

Sit down. This is nice.

Don't know that it's nice
that I've driven you to this

because I can't control myself.

Sweetheart, it's got nothing to do with you.

- Well, what is it?
- Nothing.

I've just been putting it together
that this job is a dead end.

Does Lindsay want someone
else for the campaign?

Lindsay's not running.

He keeps saying that, but, you know...

Betty, I'm the one who keeps saying it.

Turns out he's the one who means it.

He wants to wait until '72,
but now's the time.

Once he's out,
Rocky will get the nomination.

Rocky can't run. He's divorced.

Nobody cares anymore.
He just got re-elected governor.

I bet on the wrong horse, Betty.

I jumped ship for nothing.

This is a setback.

You're always thinking about other people,

and then you're angry
because no one's thinking about you.

But I am.

It's so easy to blame
our problems on others,

but really we're in charge of ourselves.

And I'm here to help you,

as you're here to help me.

We'll figure out what's next.

What time is it?

Midnight, I think.

Can I count it as tomorrow?

Okay.

Now.

Hello?

Hello.

What do you want?

I want to have dinner.

Is that a good idea?

You know what, Jane? When we took LSD,

you swore to me that you would
always be there for me.

Stop telling me things I said that night.

Like I know I didn't promise
to remarry right away

just to save you alimony.

No, this is true.
And I have a very painless exercise,

which is taking some extremely
important clients to dinner

and having you on my arm.

Why don't you ask Joanie?
She's a professional something.

Because they're dying to meet you.

You'd like them. It's a dinner.

I'll owe you.

I want you to buy me a new apartment.

What's wrong with the one you're in?

Your mother is my landlord.

And honestly, it has a lot of memories
and it's painful to be here.

And I feel like I can't start a new life
until I start a new life.

This is the most expensive dinner in history.

Really? Because I found the perfect one.

Well, you're lucky I called, then.

Fine.

Have your lawyer tell my lawyer
what time dinner is.

I don't know,
I feel like one of us should say thank you.

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

You can't be here.

I missed you.

And I kept thinking about you.

I thought you were done with me.

I forgot you.

And then I saw you
in the New York Times Sunday magazine.

Can I go watch TV?

Did you finish everything?

Yeah. You can check it.

Yeah? I just might do that.

My God, are you still working on the tree?

AII they care about is the names.

Well, I have questions.
Do Megan and Henry get branches?

Of course. They get a branch off of us
because we're your parents.

What is this mess?

You carry this around with you every day?

This goes in your math folder.

This goes in your spelling.

Is this what you're doing in class?

No, I made it at Daddy's.

Well, it's very nice,

although I don't know why he's smiling.

"Lovely Megan,

"I went to buy a light bulb.

"When I get back, I'll see you better.

"Love, Don."

Everything looks good.

I'll take care of this. You can go.

You know what?
Don't forget your Daddy's first wife.

You're right here.
Elizabeth Hofstadt Francis.

No, your father had another wife before me.

He did?

I'm surprised he didn't tell you that.

Megan helped me.

Just put it down. It's Anna Draper.

She's deceased.

And turn it in already.
I don't want another call from school.

Who is she?

I don't know why Megan didn't tell you.
Ask her.

Okay.

I've got an office
just across the ladies' room

from the insurance company next door.

- At least you're over here.
- I'm the head of my department.

And I've been working very hard
and doing very well

and nothing has changed here.
It's a lot of empty promises.

What were you promised?

Hello.

It's a mess in there.

Both campaigns draw you in,
but in different ways. This one's a series.

If Harry rolls it out right,
you wonder who's gonna get hit next.

That's great.

And this one pulls you in
as you hear the evil voice inside your head.

"This could change everything."

I think the devil is clever.

Snowball's chance in hell and so forth.

But I think the getting hit in the face
has a loud, juvenile quality

that makes a Sno Ball seem
more fun than a soft drink.

Also, they kept talking about refreshing,

and this one is literally
a slap in the face.

The devil could be a series, too.

We could see what he's up to
in different situations.

And it's got the heat
that Warren talked about for thirst.

This one's funnier.

Let's lead with that one and take them both.

- Great.
- Funny stuff. Really good work.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

I've got drinks.

- Take these to full color.
- Absolutely.

- What time is it?
- Bye, creative.

"Look on my works,
ye mighty, and despair."

You should read
the rest of that poem, you boob.

Come on. Here.

Bye-bye.

Sally?

Sally.

Bye.

Have fun.

Come on. Let's go.

Do you want me to make you something?
You haven't eaten.

I told you I don't want anything.

Why are you being so nasty today?

Because you're a phony.

You don't talk to me like that.

Who is Anna?

What?

You acted like you were friends with me.
But you really do whatever he says.

And guess what?

You're not special. And neither was Anna.

Where did you hear that?

You were my friend first.

Who told you about her?

Someone who doesn't lie.

Someone who didn't just
pretend to care about my school project.

Sally, listen to me. I wasn't lying.

I just...
I didn't think it was my place to say.

Everybody knows.

You're a little girl. And it's complicated.

Fine, just keep digging yourself deeper.

I don't know what your mother told you,

but your father and Anna
got married to help each other.

They never lived together
and they never had any babies. Honest.

So why did he marry her?

It was a long time ago.

And back then it was the only way
to help each other out.

So why did he marry you?

- Talk to your father.
- I don't want to.

And don't tell him I asked. I mean it.

Are you going to make yourself cry?

I am your friend, you know.

Judy Steckler... May I?

Lost a full pound.

Good.

What a nice way to end things.

I don't know what happened.

No, it's good.

Betty, you know
maintaining is better than gaining.

It wasn't even a full week.

Now everyone deserves
a round of applause.

You came on a Saturday.

This is the best thing you can do with
the challenge of Thanksgiving ahead.

And we know it's not just the meal.

It's the cooking, right?

You have to taste everything.

We're supposed to be thankful for this,

but the food is just
a symbol of all the other things.

We should fill ourselves with our children,

our homes, our husbands,

our health, our happiness.

So who has a plan for
how they're gonna handle the day?

And the day before?

And let's not forget about leftovers.

Just wanted to make sure she was asleep.

What's going on with her?

She asked me about Anna.
Betty obviously told her.

- Are you kidding me?
- No.

But I think I handled
the situation as best I could.

Who the hell told you to say anything?

What are you doing?

Damn it, this has nothing to do with you.

Keep your voice down.

I'm not gonna let her
keep getting away with this crap.

You're just gonna make it worse.

And let her keep sticking
her fat nose in my business?

- Let it go.
- Yeah,

and what am I supposed to say to Sally?

Nothing. I promised her I wouldn't tell you.

Jesus, who's the child here?

Get your hand off the phone.

You think this is an accident?

If you call her,
you're giving her exactly what she wanted,

the thrill of having
poisoned us from 50 miles away.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know what else to do.

I'm sorry about that.

I didn't think anybody'd still be here.

I'm gonna leave in a minute.
You come to steal something?

Nah, I'm doing some work for Roger.

But I'm not supposed to tell anybody.

It's a wine. He's trying to reel them in.

Wants to look smart at the meeting.

And he asked you?

What can I say?
I have gifts and I'm grateful.

Just so you know, he's not going to pay
you if you tell everybody.

He already did.

Maybe I'll throw some of it
your way if you tell me what you think.

I don't care.

Hello.

The article came out
and we're not mentioned.

What?

It's a bullshit piece
on the usual assholes.

He compares them to philosophers.

Hold on.

Page 52.

Hold on.

170 is the kicker.

Jesus, they look like Peter, Paul and Mary.

Why are they picking them?

I don't know and I don't care.

Maybe that's the problem.

You were the one who
talked to him for an hour.

I thought he was your best friend.
You obviously made no impression.

- He's a rat bastard.
- You know what?

Don't wake me up
and throw your failures in my face.

It's Sunday, for Christ's sake.

Sally, get back here.
Boys, back to your room.

Get over here.

Do you have something you want to ask me?

No.

You do, but you thought
it'd be better to ask Megan.

She wasn't supposed to say anything.

And what was she supposed to do exactly?

Not lie again.

I'm sorry.

I know it's my fault

that you even have to think
about things like this.

- You're a little girl.
- I'm not a little girl.

Then you should realize that your mother
doesn't care about hurting you.

She just wants to hurt us.

- Are you done?
- No.

Anna and I were married because of a law.

It wasn't romantic. She was a friend.

And I would have told you all about her,
but she d*ed.

Is she the woman whose house
we went to in California?

The one who called you d*ck?

Yes.

And I really wish you'd met her.

Now, you realize

an adult would apologize to Megan
even if telling her was an accident.

Okay.

Go hang up the phone in my room.

Anything for me in there?

Why don't you have
Ginsberg get your lunch?

That Mohawk work I did for you was great.

And I kept it a secret,
which is more than I can say for Ginsberg.

It's Manischewitz. He was perfect for it.

I'm sick of hearing people think that way.

I'm not an airplane either.
I can write for anything.

You know, in the old buildings,
they used to have an executive elevator.

You are not loyal.

You only think about yourself.

Were we married?
Because you're thinking about yourself, too.

That's the way it is.
It's every man for himself.

Quaid's department developed Sno Ball,
and he will remind you.

We've got Bob Dennison,
who speaks for the local bottlers.

We'll also have Michael Lloyd
and Warren Kent,

who deal with the local retailers.

- You want me to get those?
- I'm not taking two.

Sally?

Sally, get in here right now.

That was Mrs. Engel.

Apparently you got an A-plus
on your family tree.

She thinks you're really
turning things around.

It's just a drawing.

I'm very proud of you.

You should thank Megan for her help.

She helped you, didn't she?

I guess so.

She just told me the same stuff you did.

Really? You asked her about Anna?

Yes. Daddy showed me pictures
and they spoke very fondly of her.

I guess you've earned some TV.

So I pulled over to
the side of the interstate

and I let him out with
his luggage and everything.

He is not related to me.

Siegel's a very common name.

You wouldn't want to think everyone
named Rosenberg is related to you.

I didn't want to say it.

Lord knows there's been
plenty of prejudice in this country.

But growing up in Manhattan,
I've always envied the humor,

the closeness, the way
your people keep track of each other.

So you married your way in, huh?

I've always thought Jewish women
are the most beautiful women in the world.

Now that's a sales pitch.

I'm sorry I'm late.

This is my son, Bernard.

We're still on drinks.
Roger Sterling, this is my wife Jane.

Bernie.

Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry about that. I took the boat out.

- We got stuck.
- Really? What kind of boat?

No, you two can discuss the details later.

My dad doesn't like yachts
because last time he was on one,

he rode steerage.

And look where you are now.

I've been trying to find out
what Roger thinks,

but he wanted to wait for you.

I wanted to wait for dessert,
make sure you liked me.

What's not to like?

As I understand it,
you're trying to get Manischewitz

into the hands of different kinds of people.

So to us, it seemed the key was,
different kinds of people.

If you ever look at the side of a bus,
it's a moving billboard.

The passengers can't see the ad,
but everyone can see the passengers.

The idea was to put a picture of the bus
seats on the side of the bus

right below the window
where the real people are,

show the bottom halves of their bodies

with a case of Manischewitz
under each of their seats.

So it looks like whoever's riding the bus
has bought the wine.

Isn't that clever?

So you thought that up, huh?

I engaged some of our creatives ad hoc
in anticipation of this dinner.

I figured even if you didn't like it,
you could see what we were capable of.

I know it's good.

Do we need menus?

I do.

I'm getting the chateaubriand
if someone will split it with me.

I thought you liked the crabs rangoon here.

I just had some.

So, Roger, what kind of boat do you have?

Am I the only one
who can work and drink at the same time?

- What happened?
- They laughed,

they bought it and we already celebrated.

I'm only here because I've got
three hours left on the coast.

- Hot damn!
- I knew it.

Hold on. We work our ass off
and we don't even warrant a call?

Blow by blow, please.

Don pitched the hell out of it,
they said it was clever.

And apparently kids
like devils in cartoons, as I predicted.

Really? They didn't like the other one?

I don't know. He left it in the cab.

Are you kidding me?
They never even heard it?

We made a sale. Anything else?

I'm going to order some dinner.

Sure. He's gonna be useless tonight.

So, you suddenly
have no problem telling people I'm Jewish?

You going to meet Bernie?

What? No.

So you're not gonna call him in two days
and tell him we're separated?

You had your chance
to say who I sleep with.

You're supposed to help me land this.

So if something goes on
between the two of you,

you'd better pretend you're still married.

I promise, bubala.

I'm sorry.

The least you can do is show me what
the better end of this deal looks like.

- What do you mean?
- The apartment.

Show it to me.

When else am I gonna get a chance?

I'm not moved in. I just got the key.

Has a lot of potential.

You think so?

I have missed you.

Roger, wait.

What?

I'm surprised you're working today.

We roll out all our business this week.

I'm just gonna
spend as much time as I can with my girl

before I'm trapped with my family
over the holiday.

You know what, Howard?

Why don't you spend Thanksgiving with her,

and I'll go to your house
and screw your wife?

Are you kidding me?

Good luck with that.

But I guess the grass
is always greener, right?

I know you saw me.

I thought you were hiding from someone.

That was a bold last-minute decision,
going with your idea.

I thought it was more what they wanted.

We'll never know, will we?

Because they never heard mine.

Look, I don't like going in with two ideas.
It's weak.

And you don't wanna be weak,
so you picked yours.

And they bought it,
which is our goal, isn't it?

What do I care? I got a million of 'em.

- A million.
- Good.

I guess I'm lucky you work for me.

I feel bad for you.

I don't think about you at all.

- Good morning, Mr. Draper.
- Morning.

I used the toothbrush in there.
I hope it's yours.

Why did you do that?

Jesus, it doesn't belong to the dead guy,
does it? It's pink.

I told you why I wanted this apartment
and you ignored me.

I hardly ignored you.

Now this is no different
than the last place.

Really? I think it's nicer.

Not anymore.

You ruined this.

sh*t.

You get everything you want
and you still had to do this.

You're right.

I don't know why I did that.

I feel terrible.

Smells good.

I just got off the phone with Julia.

She got the part.

Good for her.

She asked me to buy champagne.

And you will
because you want her to be happy.

It's hot as hell in here. Turn on the air.

It's on full blast. Go get ready.

Open the door at least.

No, don't.

The radio said there's a smog emergency.

The air is toxic. I don't want that in here.

That is a good-looking bird.

Mommy, wait. We're supposed to
say what we're thankful for.

She's hungry, Bobby.

No, I think it's nice.

Go ahead, buddy.

I'm thankful that I have two houses

and they're both really big
and I got a new sled.

I'm thankful that I'm doing good in school.

Doing well.

I am thankful that I have everything I want.

And that no one else has anything better.

Me, too. Let's eat.