05x10 - Christmas Waltz

[bunniefuu]

- Hello?
- I apologize for the hour.

You instructed me to avoid your offices.

But we have good news.

Thank goodness.

The Hansard procedure negotiations
have concluded as promised.

You need only wire
the full ?2,900 by Thursday

and your slate will be clear
with the Inland Revenue.

As promised?

Your promise was to extricate me
from this situation altogether.

My promise was to keep you out of prison.

Thursday.

How am I supposed to find
$8,000 in two days?

That's not possible. That's no help at all.

Look, Lane, you gave
Her Majesty's portion to a foreign power,

and the tax man is keen
to make an example of an expatriate.

This is the very best news there could be.

You should get a pencil.

I'll give you the information.

What are you doing out here?

Business. Get back to bed, dear.

- What are you looking for?
- Go back to bed this minute!

Scarlett, hold this and stand here.

No.

Mr. Kinsey called regarding lunch.

- What does he want?
- I think he wants to have lunch.

- What's wrong with him? He's very polite.
- Yeah.

You should have seen him
at Ken's bachelor party.

- I think he was on LSD.
- Really?

He's sort of been threatening to "spot" by.

Scarlett, here you are.

I'm sorry, Mr. Pryce. Do you need me?

Only in that I wanted you
to direct me to Mr. Crane.

Please leave us.

I'll meet him for coffee.

I was hoping we could discuss
the first quarter media projections.

Sure.

These numbers are very positive.

They're projections.

They're derived from reality,
but they're hopes and dreams.

January and February look great.

Heinz, Mohawk, Vicks, all pretty stable.

When will they become commitments?

I can't predict the future, Lane.

I don't know
what the Russians are going to do.

We may be living underground
by Lincoln's birthday.

That's my only copy.

Hope you don't need any actual paperwork
because everything's out by my desk

and my desk is out by Chuck.

How's Rebecca?

About the same, underfed and underpaid.

And Laura?

She calls me during the day
and she's peachy.

But I come home and she's blue.

- To the holidays.
- To gin.

So, Walt, what do you think
about extending our credit by $50,000?

I didn't know we were
going to talk real business.

Should I slow down?

How do things look for '67?

The projections suggest...

No projections.
We're only interested in commitments.

Yes, the commitments are firm,

but no one's been paying
their bills on time.

I got it. Done.

Are you going away?

No. I love Christmas in Manhattan.

Can you take care of it today?
I'd like to start writing checks immediately.

Sure.

We're heading to Florida.

I want to fly,
but I think we're going to drive.

- Roger, Cooper's office.
- Coming.

What's the hurry, Harry?

Are you drunk?

Pearl Harbor Day. Show some respect.

How are you doing with your bombing?

Remember Lane's fool at Jaguar,
Edwin Baker?

You mean Bazooka Joe?

Three weeks ago,
he was replaced by Hugh Hibbert,

and we are back in the running.

- He called you?
- No, I called him.

In fact, I've been working
a few prospects over there for months,

waiting for Edwin to self-destruct,

and he did...

Spectacularly, apparently.

He vomited in the lap
of the head of the dealers association.

Who else?

It sounds like Foote Cone,
Ted Bates, D'Arcy.

Everyone who doesn't have a car.

- What is that, nine of us?
- No, it's five.

And size-wise, we're the smallest,

so let's all start boning up
on the wonders of Jaguar.

We have a meet-and-greet next week

and the presentations
are sometime in mid-January.

That's a lot of work.

Yes. You may have to stay past 5:30.

I'd live here if I thought
it was more than a pipe dream.

We reject the material world

in favor of the recognition
of one's true identity.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Paul?

Harry Crane, as I live and breathe.

What the hell happened to you?

Krishna consciousness.

Don't pretend this isn't strange.

That's why I wanted you to see it.

Consider it seen. I really should be going.

Harry, I've been trying
to get you down here.

Remember how anxious, how insecure,
how terrified I was of living life?

It's gone.

Can you imagine living that way, Harry?

I'm sorry, this is giving me the willies.

Please, keep an open mind.

Can we do this for a few minutes?

Am I allowed to be here?

- Everyone's allowed to be here.
- Hello, there.

Harry, this is Mother Lakshmi.

Hare Krishna, Harry.

- I get it.
- Get what?

- I should go.
- No.

Chant with us.

You'll like it. I promise.

Roger's not coming.
He's on Battleship Row.

But I've already told him.

I called this meeting.

Where's Joan?

It's best Joan's not here
for my announcement.

I don't know about yours.

- Go ahead.
- Very well.

A recent pass of the books
shows that we have

a surplus of $50,000,

and I believe that enables us
to distribute Christmas bonuses.

Equal shares to full partners,
half shares to juniors,

2% gifts to S.N.C. and 4% E.N.C.

God bless us, everyone.

And I shall see to it that
the checks are distributed immediately.

Actually, let's wait
till the Christmas party.

Someone's not going to be happy,
and I'd rather not stare at her for a month.

Approved.

- Don...
- I have to announce

that we're in the running...
I mean, actually this time

for Jaguar.

So it's time we all get some learning
on this fine automobile.

I intend to drive the Mark II
this afternoon.

Don,

don't you think the bonuses would
make more of an impact now?

There's nothing like a surprise for morale.

Not my morale.

The Jaguar announcement
should be good for morale.

And, as much as it affects me personally,

I think we should sit tight on the bonuses.

Jaguar will provide only a little seed
and we'll have to supplement.

Damn it!

We can afford to do both.

- What ghost visited you, Ebenezer?
- Pete.

You asked me to stop this last time.

Yes, other than Roger,

who started drinking
at exactly 7:55 this morning,

no one has given me the reaction I desire

from this blessed event.

Bert.

They're lemons. They never start.

Meeting adjourned.

You like my shirt?

It's very festive.

You know, it's sacrilege to say this,

but Pearl Harbor was an act of genius.

The only thing they didn't plan for
was success.

The Japs won
and they didn't know what to do with it.

Mr. Sterling,

seeing as you're dressed for fishing,

you'll have more success if you're quiet.

Don't be like that.

I couldn't care less.

I know why you're mad.

But Jane is not going to take everything.

It never occurred to me.

Because the Army is
taking such good care of you?

- Have I asked?
- No.

And you shouldn't have to and you don't
and you keep sending it back.

Because it's a short-term solution.

- I told you, I'll cover Kevin through college.
- No.

It's better this way for him.

And if you're not careful,
you won't even be a family friend.

- Joanie, I had an experience.
- I know, Roger.

It's not about honor.

It's about the fact that
we created a human life.

We made a baby.

Yes.

And now it's some other lucky girl's turn.

Scarlett.

Hello.

All of us have a very close connection.

Krishna.

My head is humming.

And your mind is clear.

Yeah.

I should be getting back.

Holy sh*t, how long have I been here?

- Are you hungry?
- I am.

Paramatma, take him for some food.

Yes, Mother Lakshmi.
That's a beautiful idea.

- Harry, will you eat with me?
- Just the two of us?

But when we are

in the material, conditional life,

we forget this.

It is so good to see you.

It's good to see you, too.

But I'm not gonna join.

I don't want you to.

But I can tell you really got into that.

I can tell you really got into Lakshmi.

I love her deeply, Harry.

Absolutely. She's my kind of religion.

It's not like that.

Lakshmi lived most of her life
as a girl named Janet,

whose promiscuity
led her to dr*gs and prostitution.

The movement saved her life.

So what's your excuse?

I was at rock bottom.

I had really degraded myself.

- At McCann?
- No, damn it.

Listen,

I love what the movement has given me,

but I don't understand
why I have to live like that to love God.

Are they making you stay?

It's just Lakshmi.

- So you don't wanna share, huh?
- You don't understand.

I want to make a life with her,
but not there.

So what does that have to do with me?

She was a runaway, and she won't leave

unless she knows
she won't wind up back on the streets.

You want money. I knew it.

You know what? Go eat by yourself.

Stop, stop.

Money solves today, not tomorrow.

Up here on the right.

And for your information,
Prabhupad is buying.

I'm sorry I said

I couldn't come because of the accident.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

"Can you help me, doctor?" I asked him.

"It started... It started," I said,

"when I was sitting in front
of the television set

"with my feet on the coffee table.

"Now, I've sat there hundreds of times,

"thousands maybe,
with a can of beer in my hand.

"I like to have a can of beer in my hand
when I watch the beer ads.

"But now, for no reason I could think of,

"the ad was making me sick.

"So I used the remote control
to get to another channel,

"but each channel made me just as sick.

"The television was one thing,

"and I was a person,
and I was going to be sick.

"So I turned it off

"and had a panicky moment.

"I smelled the beer in my hand.

"And as I vomited,
I looked around the living room

"for something to grab onto."

- Do you want something to eat?
- Nope.

Come on.

I didn't have dinner.

- You want a drink?
- Yep.

"Yep. Nope."

Should have been our wedding vows.

I'm just tired.

No, you're not.

I don't understand.

I've heard you say
a lot worse things about advertising.

The mighty theater
punches its audience in the face

with its subtle message.
There's a challenge.

Let me tell you, people buy things
because it makes them feel better.

We could have had dinner with Charles.

He's an understudy.
That may be his only performance.

I don't mind picking up
the check for your friends,

- but not if they insult me first.
- I'm sorry.

People make fun of acting all the time,
and you love it.

And I didn't think it was
such a strong stand against advertising

as much as the emptiness of consumerism.

No one's made a stronger stand
against advertising than you.

You know, I was scared when Bea was born,
but she's such a joy.

I actually saw
her face float by while I was chanting.

Really? You had a vision?

I guess.

And you kind of think
you're tied to this person forever.

Not my little girl. You know, Jennifer.

And now with another one on the way...

I want a family with Lakshmi.

And a farm, maybe outside Frisco.

You're gonna have to do
a little less recruiting

and a little more working.

About that...

I don't have a job for you, Paul.
I've thought about that.

It's the whole reason
I didn't wanna see you.

But you can help me
because I have been working.

You've been writing?

I think this is the most meaningful
work I've ever done in my life.

It's a speculative episode
of the hit television show Star Trek.

Are you kidding me?

I think it should be
their season opener next year.

If there is one.

It's a tough time slot.
My Three Sons, Bewitched,

- that thing's a juggernaut.
- It'll be there.

Where the hell do you watch it?

Through the window
of a pizza parlor on MacDougal.

- What, do you lip-read?
- I've seen the show,

and I think I've made a good effort
at matching the moral complexities

tinged with adventure
that draw people to it.

Just read the first 15 pages.

If you don't think
it's good enough for network television,

then you don't have to
pass it along to the executives at NBC

or even think about trying
to get it to Mr. Roddenberry.

That's kind of a line you don't cross, Paul.

Who do you think you're talking to?

How much do you buy at NBC?
You don't have any leverage?

Okay.

- Is it about Hare Krishna?
- No.

Not literally,
but they don't tell literal stories.

Look, you had a vision your first time.

Not that I wasn't in a state of bliss
for the first few months,

but something happened.

I try to clear my head, but I can't.

It's too busy in there.

Everybody else looks so happy.

You know, I got there
and I started trying to figure out

who Prabhupad likes best.

It's the same as everywhere I go.

He doesn't like me.

No one likes me.

Sometimes I think Krishna
doesn't even like me.

No one but Lakshmi.

Will you read the script?

Can I ask you something?

Why didn't you bring in Paul Kinsey
when you hired Ginsberg?

He wasn't submitted.

- You didn't consider him?
- Was I supposed to?

As far as I know, he was at McCann,

and then Y&R, then he rolled
downhill through K&E and B&B.

And last thing I heard,
he was in-house at A.M.P.

Who's A.M.P.?

No, I'm sorry. The A.M.P.

Will you read a script
he wrote for Star Trek?

Harry, if he asked you to pass it along,

I don't think this is what he meant.

I know what he meant,
but I need a second opinion.

Aren't you curious?

Is it going to give me a case
of the "nee-groan complex"?

It's really bad.

And it's pronounced "neh-grahn"
because it rhymes with "katahn,"

which the negron
pick under sl*very to the caucasons.

That's a twist.

No, the twist is that the negron are white.

Great. Now I'm not
gonna get anything done.

He really hopes this will change his life.

What am I gonna do?

You really wanna help him, don't you?

So what?
Really, do you know how lucky we are?

If you really wanna help,

be honest with him and tell him
he needs to write a better script.

I think it was really hard for him.

Then he shouldn't be doing it.

Mr. Campbell to see you.

Send him in.

So what's your favorite Jaguar?

Did you send over a packet?

No, I drove them.

Someone drove me.

I don't know how to operate a stick shift.

I'll go this afternoon.

See that you do, because your opinion
means a lot more than mine.

Take Megan.
See how they deal with a couple.

We'll see.

You know, if I told you last December that
we'd be in the running for a car,

you would have kissed me on the mouth.

Maybe you and I should go as a couple.

Well, that is good to hear.

Pity having to deplete
the resources this time of year,

but it had to be done.

I've been assured the funds should
be accessible immediately.

Very well.

There is the matter of my fee.

Yes, of course.

After the holidays? Good day.

Joan, you have a guest in reception.

He needs a signature.

Are you Joan Harris?

Yes, that's me.

- You're served.
- What?

Damn it.

Why did you let him in?

- He said he needed to talk to you.
- About what?

I don't remember
everything everybody says.

Because you're an idiot!

Don't talk to me like that.

Do you understand having you out here
is the same as having no one?

He said he knew you.
He said it was a surprise.

A surprise?

Thank you for that. Here's a surprise!

- Joan!
- Surprise!

There's an airplane here to see you!

You're not allowed to do that.

- Come on.
- Stop it.

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

- Come with me.
- I'm fine.

Don.

Come on, let's go.

It's too early for lunch.

- We're not going to lunch.
- I don't even have my coat.

Look at your watch.

Well, hello.

What brings you in today?

We got tired of waiting for a cab.

Thought we'd buy a car.

Let's see if I can get out of your way.

What's this one?

It's the Mark II.

It's roomy, quiet,
good for a night on the town,

but can also accommodate children.

Do you have any?

Altogether, four.

This is a car for the American road.

It's too much power for England.

They don't have the space.

Yeah, plus I hear the dampness is
m*rder on the electrical system.

We've worked that out.

Honey. What's that?

That's the most beautiful car ever made.

The XKE, or the E-Type.

I want one.

I'm thinking about
paying to have you drive around in this.

Go get me the keys.
I'll drive her around for free.

I'll have to take you out one at a time.

There's no room for three.

Why would we want you along?

She really wants me to take it for a ride.

I can't.

She can drive it herself.

So you're going to ride with her?

Can I?

How much is the car?

That one?

$5,600.

Here's $6,000.

If we don't come back, consider it paid for.

I don't know what it is.
That car does nothing for me.

It's because you're happy.
You don't need it.

Okay.

You do not know
how hard I've tried to ignore this at work.

I know what I'm doing, I have some control,

but then he found a way to ruin that, too.

You're gonna need to define
some of these pronouns

if you want me to keep listening.

Dr. Captain Harris served me
with papers in the office.

He's divorcing me.

Like he has the moral high ground.

It's hard on a marriage when you're apart.

Really? He loves it.

I'm sorry about that girl, but, you know...

It used to be
if someone needed to see me in reception,

they were delivering flowers.

Those flowers...

God, my first week here
I thought you were dating Ali Khan.

My mother raised me to be admired.

But no flowers from you.

You scared the sh*t out of me.

Burt Peterson told me
you were the one person in the agency

I shouldn't cross.

He and Freddy had a standing argument
that you were a lesbian.

You think they never
brought that up with me?

Congratulations.

For what?

For getting divorced.

Nobody realizes how bad it has to get
for that to happen.

Now you get to move on.

To what?

To start over? With a baby?

On what date do you share that news?

Right after you go all the way.

You'll find somebody better.

You did, didn't you?

You found someone perfect.

I did.

I feel like the office misses her.

Maybe I should have kept her at reception.

I don't think you should
have thrown those papers out the window.

Give me some change. I want music.

Hello?

There's a Lakshmi here to see you.

She's got a whole story.

Bring her back.

Scarlett, please hold all my calls.

A pleasure to see you.
I hope you understand,

Jennifer wants to be
very thorough in our search for a nanny.

Thank you, Meredith.

If this is some kind of shakedown,
let me stop you right now.

I know you're trying to recruit me.

Can I have a drink?

Isn't that verboten?

Listen to me.

I don't know what it is,

but when you were chanting, I felt this...

Intensity, you know?

Everywhere on my body...

Especially one place.

Really?

I was in such a state.

Stop it. I thought you were with Paul.

Nobody's with anybody.

Paramatma does what he wants and so do I.

It doesn't mean that
we don't love each other.

So there's no reason for you to say no.

What about the fact that I'm married?

I'm burning for you.

Does your wife burn for you?

So this is completely allowed?

Take me like this.

Not even a little Sinatra?

Jimmy Durante.

Look at all these people
dancing to my music.

You wanna dance?

I don't think we should.

You sure look like you wanna dance.

You and me in Midtown?

You with that look on your face?

What look, baby?

God, you're irresistible.

You know what this woman
said to me once?

"I like being bad

"and going home and being good."

I bet that stuck to your ribs.

It was a disaster.

And you enjoyed every minute of it.

God, I miss that.

There's a gentleman over at seven-thirty

who looks like he wants to dance.

Who do you think he is?

Advertising?

Insurance?

Lawyer?

And who do you think's waiting at home?

I bet she's not ugly.

The only sin she's committed
is being familiar.

So you think it's all him?

Because she can't give him what he wants.

Because he doesn't know what he wants,

what he's wanting.

He knows.

It's just the way he is.

And maybe it's just the way she is.

I'm gonna go.

- I can still drive, I think.
- I can drive.

You can stay.

I've been sitting with you
since he walked in.

Poor me, I struck out.

Who's gonna believe that?

Carfare,

in case it doesn't work out.

Mad money.

Thank you.

Good night, sweetheart.

Stand over by the jukebox.

That looked pretty good before.

Are you okay?

I don't know. I...

My heart's b*ating like a rabbit.

Smoking's not gonna help.

Don't get all strict on me, Mother Lakshmi.

But I am strict.

I did this for the movement.

Good to know, but I ain't joining.

Although your techniques
are more persuasive than...

Paul's.

You're disgusting.

I'm only here because I don't want you
shaking his devotion.

What? How does that work?

You're the worst girlfriend in the world.

And you're the best friend.

That's why you're giving him false hope
for his awful teleplay.

He wants to have a life with you.

And you know that even
if that was possible, that's not the way.

Look, he doesn't know that.

So why don't you just let him go?

Because he's a devotee of the Lord.

You're just a karmi and a sense enjoyer.

You wanna make him
into a gross materialist

when he's living in the spiritual world.

And also he's our best recruiter.

I mean, he really can close.

So I'm confused. Why did we just do that?

Because you're going to stay away from him

and let him be happy
in the light of Krishna consciousness.

You thought I was some confused little girl?

I'm trading the only thing I have.

But you already gave it away.

Stay away from him.

What do I do about the script?

Tell him the truth.

That always works.

You're drunk.

And you left work at lunch.

Where the hell were you?

You wanna get the rolling pin?

What the hell?

I wanna know where you were.

I left work, I test-drove a Jaguar,

had a drink with Joan,
drove around some more and dropped it off.

And you never thought to call me?

Why did you want me to think that?

Calm the hell down.

I put a plate in the oven for you

and sat here like an idiot,
waiting for someone

who doesn't give a sh*t about anybody.

- You like to get mad.
- No, I don't.

- That's what gets you going.
- That is not what this is.

Now sit down!

You're gonna eat dinner with me.

Do you want any cheese?

- No. Do you want...
- I'll clean it up later.

You used to love your work.

Well, it's different there now.

You loved it before you ever met me.

My mother is not a good nurse
and he hides his symptoms.

He's a rugged chap.

I do think more than ever
we should pay them a visit at Christmas.

Or I could just take Nigel.

Certainly we can afford that.

I shouldn't be sharing this,
but I truly don't want you to go.

You see, Edwin's left Jaguar.

That's why she left in a hurry.

If he had been sacked,
he'd have lost his visa.

Yes, well, it allowed Jaguar
to come crawling back to me.

The firm can't do it without me
and I shan't spend another Christmas alone.

Darling.

I'm so happy for you, so proud.

Of course we'll be here by your side.

Christmas in New York will do just fine.

Don't get excited.

Well, get excited, but they're not from me.

Thank you for delivering them.

I had to. The girl in reception
is too scared to bring them back.

I also had to sign for them
and tip handsomely.

Do you want a tip, too?

How many times have I left you alone
with a card from another man?

Hare Krishna.

Great to see you. Well?

I've been meditating on the idea
that you have good news,

especially since you called me so fast.

Then I realized it's probably not,
since you wouldn't tell me over the phone.

I have news, but it's complicated.

They loved it. They said it was one
of the best scripts they had ever read.

Who?

The reader at Mike Weinblatt's office.

But he apparently can't give it to Mike

or anyone over there
because of legal reasons.

And you can never call him
because they've had some lawsuits,

but he said you have a future
and I agree with him.

Did you tell him I'll get a lawyer?
I'll sign anything they want.

Yes, but he was firmly discouraging
in every way

except in his unbridled enthusiasm
for the writing.

Really? What did he say?

Can I talk to him?
Does he want to talk to me?

Never.

But...

In this envelope is your future.

This is your destiny.

Is it a contract?

They're not interested.

But I am.

This is $500 and a ticket to Los Angeles.

I want you to leave the Krishnas
and go out there and try.

I don't think Lakshmi...

I'm not giving you this unless you promise

to leave your things and go from here.

I don't have any things.

Good. This is all you need.

You don't understand
what it's like out there.

This failure, this life...

It'll all seem
like it happened to someone else.

Harry, you don't understand Lakshmi.

If you go back there,
you'll never be strong enough to go.

And then she'll try and talk you out of it.
And what does that tell you?

It's $500. You can call her on the way
from Philly or something.

You know, all these people said
they'd do something for me.

You're the first one who did.

Break a leg.

Everyone's assembling
for the announcement.

Well, there's a little bad news
to go with the good.

Mohawk's machinists are going on strike.

Despite the fact that they're flying,

they're suspending their advertising.

They made so much money all summer
as scabs.

- What's going on?
- Mohawk's on strike.

They're suspending all work.

They're not leaving the agency,

but what they save by cutting the ad budget

goes straight to the bottom line,
and it's the end of the year.

Then there'll be no bonuses.

No!

No Christmas bonuses three years in a row?

I know.

They're going to be working
all through the holidays on Jaguar.

Fine. Just the partners will defer.

Even the junior partners?

Yes, till the end of January.

That's prudent.

Well, here we go.

Don, you up to joining us?

Lane, go ahead.

Well, we have a few announcements,

the first of which is

that we have received some bad news
from Mohawk Airlines

that they will be suspending
their work indefinitely.

This puts significant financial strain
on the company.

It was our plan to distribute
Christmas bonuses this year,

but quite selflessly the partners
have elected to forego their share

in the interests of rewarding the staff
for a job well done.

You're all getting Christmas bonuses
and we aren't.

Now, understand
that the financial straddling required

is for a very good reason.

We've been included
in an elite group of agencies

invited to pitch Jaguar cars.

So congratulations.

Anything else?

Yes, actually, I'd like to say something.

Would you?

Last year at this time,
whether you knew it or not,

the survival of this company
was on the line.

I look at the faces in this room
who have given their all

to this tenuous recovery and I say,

prepare to take a great leap forward.

Prepare to swim the English Channel
and then drown in champagne.

There are six weekends
between now and the pitch.

We are going to spend them all here.

We will celebrate Christmas here.

We will ring in the new year together.

And in the end, we will represent Jaguar,
and it will be worth it.

Every agency on Madison Avenue

is defined by the moment they got their car.

When we land Jaguar,
the world will know we've arrived.

Creative, in my office.