03x01 - Congress

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Another Period"...

Two women destroyed this haven of sin,

and they are as of yet unidentified.

They are the new face of feminism.

May I present to you
Kermit Constantine Bellacourt.

All right, sisters, clear the space.

I have this room reserved
for my meeting today.

And we will not rest
until every woman everywhere

has the right to vote.

No votes for women!

Hortense and Bertram...

they're dead.

You've been served.

They're divorce papers.

I suppose I'll just take the abbey.

All of the companies folded,

and they all transferred
their funds to the abbey.

Sweet Dodo, may I have
this one last dance?

How could this happen?

They're here.

The bankers are here.

Here, take this!

This serving platter is my best friend!

Garfield!

Chain me to this statue!

I can't live without this 17th-century

French suit of armor!

Tonight, we die, Garfield!

Grab the torches, get your g*ns.

Prepare to bite down
on the cyanide capsule.

I'm back.

We're back, darling.

Although I suppose
I've never been here before.

- Nice place.
- What's all this about?

You remember all that money
I siphoned out of your accounts?

I'm using it to buy back
the house from the bank,

and you're to evacuate
the premises immediately.

Mother!

I always knew you were a banker.

Hello, girls.

After the bankers take our things,

can we please go shopping
for new things?

I really need to keep this platter.

Garfield,
you have something on your lips.

What?

Was I not supposed to bite down
on the cyanide pill?

♪ I want the money ♪

♪ I want the fame ♪

♪ I want the whole world
to know my name ♪

♪ This is mine ♪

♪ I gotta get it ♪

♪ I got to get it ♪

♪ Got-got to get it ♪

♪ Another period ♪

♪ Yea we walk ♪

♪ Yea we walk ♪

♪ In the valley of death ♪

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Guide us in the valley of death ♪

My fellow mourners,

I did not know Hortense.

Hortense?

So I will leave it to you,
those who loved her,

to eulogize her.

Let's all say a few words
as we pass around

the only item that remains
from her horrible accident.

[straining

Um, I'm sorry.

Hortense, was she the one
with the horse face?

I did not care for her at all.

I'm pretty sure I never met Hortense.

Well,

what can I say about Hortense

that hasn't already been said.

Well, nothing's been said,
so you could say anything.

That would be fantastic.

Mostly, I remember brown.

We used to make fun of Hortense,

and now that she's gone,

it's not the same making fun
of someone who's dead...

because you can't see their reactions.

♪ This time I know it's for real ♪

Who are all those ugly people?

♪ This time I know it's for you ♪

All those people are here for Hortense?

♪ That I know ♪

♪ This time I know it's for real ♪

Hortense was famous?

Oh!

No.

You look as though
you could use a hand, Blanche.

Yes, please.

It's very difficult to shovel coal

while caring for a baby.

Well, then you shouldn't
have had a baby.

When he's right, he's right.

Yoo-hoo!

Hi, I'm confused.

What on Earth was Hortense famous for?

Most queefs per carriage ride?

She was going to change
the lives of women everywhere.

Who cares about that?

Only women.

And who cares about women?

Only ugly women.

Hortense was on the verge
of crossing over.

Oh, she already crossed over.

That's what the funeral was for.

No! She was on
the precipice of greatness.

She was going to speak at Congress.

She would have entered
the annals of history.

I want to enter the annals!

I love entering the annals.

And it wasn't just Hortense.

New heroines are emerging every day.

Like that bride and nun.

I can't imagine how famous they would be

if only anyone knew who they were.

Uh, did you just say
the bride and the nun?

- Yeah.
- That's us!

We're the bride and the nun.

- We are?
- Yes,

from the newspaper.

You're the bride and the nun?

Mm-hmm.

Now I gotta get rid of this tattoo.

Beatrice and I will make
much better famous people

than Hortense.

Maybe she didn't die in vain.

She d*ed in a car.

I found it!

1855 Chateau De Noir.

We were saving it to celebrate
the end of the w*r,

but then we found out
we couldn't keep our slaves

so we just shoved it all
back into storage.

Oh, Black, that was
a very competent eulogy.

You didn't tell me you could sing.

I always had dreams
of becoming a musician,

but with the church,

those dreams fell by the wayside.

Oh, Freddy,

I don't think
you've been properly introduced.

This is Black Donahue.

He's going to be living here now.

Oh, thank you, mother, thank you!

You always know just how
to make me feel better.

What are you doing, son?

What I always do with priests.

No, he's not that kind of priest.

Well, I know I'm not
as young as I used to be,

but I'm still a very pretty boy.

Hortense is gone.

May her BMs be smooth and everlasting,

but with her gone,

it is obvious
that there is only one person

who can replace her.

Ladies! Ladies.

If I may call you that.

Today's your lucky day.

We've come to lead you.

Look,

we may not know how to be boring

or how not to care
that everyone's laughing

- at us like you...
- But we do know how

to get attention from men.

Oh, I know how to do that!

You just have to scream and scream

and nag and emasculate them.

But Abortion Deb,
that's only taken us so far.

Cornetta has a point.

And getting the approval of men

is exactly what we need in Congress.

No! Besides, we gotta focus
on getting signatures.

Ooh! Are those, like, autographs?

I'm great at those.

No!

This is not up for discussion.

You two will never be
a part of the NAGS.

Is this because we're not ugly enough?

We tried really, really hard
to make ourselves look like you.

You think we're ugly?

Yes, but that's what
you're going for, right?

No, this is just how we look.

So you're not doing this on purpose?

Ugh, get it off!

- Get it off!
- I don't want it!

Oh, I'm wearing brown!

I feel like I'm on fire!

♪ Round the rose bush ♪

Thank you.

I agree. I agree.

Now...

Peepers?

Oh, Black.

It's time for my 4:00 air bath.

Did you forget?

No, madam, Father Donahue
asked us to suspend our duties

so we could listen
to him play his music.

Ah, I see.

Well, playtime is over.

Peepers, run my air bath.

- Right away, madam.
- No!

As the man of the house,

I demand that everybody
listens to my concert.

Including you. Now, take a seat.

At the servants' table?

I'll do no such thing.

Yes, at the servants' table.

All right. Sorry about that, everyone.

"Pop Goes the Weasel."

With a twist.

- Yes?
- Hyman?

Oh, Blanche, please.

I'm your husband.

You call me Dr. Goldberg.

Uh, I was wondering
if Baby Murray could sleep

in one of your unused dresser drawers

- while I'm working?
- I'm sorry, one of?

- One of your...
- Mine?

- Yes.
- The operative word here

being "mine," as in my drawer.

Not yours, not your baby's.

Mine.

So no.

Also, I don't know
if it's your baby's diaper

or your body, but something
in here smelled like sh*t

the moment you arrived so leave.

Okay. You may go.

I love marriage!

Pardon me, do you have 20 to 25 minutes

to listen to a symposium
on women's affairs?

The woman is talking to you, shithead!

I will tear off your d*ck!

This doesn't seem to be working.

These petitions prove to Congress

that we have the community's
support behind us.

I got one!

"Rutherford B. Hateswomen"

Maybe we should just call it a day.

"Bathing costume carriage wash"?

That is just indecent!

They're hardly wearing any clothes.

Are they getting signatures?

Seems like their way is working.

They sure do know how to appeal to men.

And that's we need to bring to Congress!

We really want those two morons...

Representing all women at Congress?

They got the horse's vote.

What would Hortense think?

Hortense is dead.

Jane Doe.

Came in late last night.

Farmer found her unconscious in a field.

God knows how long she's been
wandering in the woods.

Black.

This is quite a lot of instruments.

Where did you get all of these things?

Oh, these.

I just ordered them from the Amazon.

They have everything there.

It's a very large jungle.

Don't you think it's a little much?

How else can I pursue
my dream of being a musician

unless I have every single instrument?

Black, there's something
we should discuss.

You see, it's become quite clear

that one of us is supporting
the other one of us.

Ah, yes, I do realize that.

I support you emotionally, spiritually,

sexually,

but you're welcome.

It's my pleasure to do so.

I see, but financially...

Oh.

Oh.

You're talking about money?

Of course. Oh, yes.

I didn't realize you cared
so much about money.

I thought you cared about me,

but no, it's all about money.

Perhaps I should get them
to pack it all up then

and I'll just give up my dream.

Pack it all up, everyone.

She only care about money
and not about me.

No, no, no, I do care about you.

Hold on.

I'm... I'm sorry I was cross with you.

That's all right. I forgive you.

The bathing costume
carriage wash was a smash hit!

So now the NAGS are letting us
bring our act to Congress.

Oh, I'm so excited!

Lillian, this is our moment.

I wish Hortense were alive

so she could see us steal her dream.

She's so selfish.

Ladies, we came to wish you luck.

Now get out there and tell the world

that women deserve the right to vote.

Sorry.

Sorry, I thought you said "vote."

- We did.
- There's no time for joking.

- We're at Congress.
- I've never joked

in my entire life.

This is why we're here?

To help women get the right to vote?

- Us?
- Why did you think

- you were here?
- Oh, well, I figured

it was an appearance.

A sort of a meet and greet
for all of our new fans.

No, it's about suffrage.

That's why Hortense was famous.

She was going to get us
the right to vote.

You didn't know that?

- No.
- I hate women!

Over my dead body!

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, this train's coming right at me.

That's incredible.

Oh, my God! Oh!

What have you done
with the morphine room?

This is my dojo.

- Pause.
- I know what you're doing,

Father Donahue, and I demand
that you stop taking advantage

of Lady Dodo's kind heart
and generosity.

- Or what?
- Or feel the full wrath

of Mr. Peepers.

All right, Mr. Peepers.

Let me feel this wrath.

A duel.

A duel it is.

To the death.

Artistically speaking.

Warm my fingers, please, Garfield.

Do you have one of those glass things

you put on your finger?

The duel was under your initiation.

- You begin.
- Fine.

Garfield, give us a C, please.

Ooh, that's off.

- That's off, isn't it?
- Yes.

We'll just try that again.

It's probably easier if I tune to you.

Fine.

Does that sound okay?

- What note is that?
- I don't know.

Do you know, "Oh, He's My Savior,

- Let Him Come Amongst Us"?
- Do you have a tuning fork?

Do you know, "Oh, Christ, Here He Is"?

Do you know "Camptown Races"?

Do you know, "Oh, Gay Are
The Days For He Is The One"?

Do you know, "Champagne
Charlie Was His Name"?

How does that go?

- Is that...
- ♪ Champagne Charlie ♪

Are you alone?

Does it look like I'm alone?

Yes.

There are two other men in this room.

Yes, but I always
in front of them.

It's true.

I've been very bad, Padre.

You may need to spank me.

- Frederick.
- Mmm?

I will never, ever make love to you.

Ever.

We'll continue this later, sir.

Don't get on my bad side, Peepers.

I intend to be here

for a very long time.

Speaking on behalf of women's suffrage,

Beatrice and Lillian Bellacourt.

It's actually pronounced
Lillian and Beatrice Bellacourt.

Ladies, you have the floor.

Why should women get the right to vote?

Why should women get the right to vote?

On the one hand, voting could lead

to women thinking
they should have opinions,

or jobs, or control
over their own bodies.

On the other hand,

all those women would worship me.

On the other hand,

I hate the Jews.

Hmm, not sure what
that has to do with anything.

Miss Bellacourt?

We're waiting.

Why should we allow women's suffrage?

Oh.

Um.

Because you know they're going
to get the vote eventually,

and if you help make that happen,

they'll vote for you and
keep you in office for life,

but if you try to stop it,
they'll vote against you,

and your worst fear will come true.

You'll lose your power.

But won't you all just want
to vote for other women?

Oh, uh, women hate each other.

Well, you've made some
compelling points here today,

and I think a lady vote
makes a lot of sense.

Stop!

I must speak!

Like a Lazarus from the grave,

I am back, you pieces of sh*t.

Hortense! You're alive?

You look so different.

Of course I look different.

I've been in a car accident!

That changes a woman!

Do not listen to these fools,

they know not what they say.

The reason to allow the vote for women

is because they are equal to men!

No, they're not.

Down with the patriarchy!

You idiot!

Do you think we should
tell them we already voted

on women's suffrage
and that they already lost?

I can't believe this happened to us.

Well, on the bright side,

we'll never have to vote or get a job,

so there's that.

Oh.

Time for bed.

Darling, never interrupt a man

in the midst of his creative flow.

But darling,
we haven't had carnal relations

- since you've been here.
- I don't want anything

to distract me from my pursuits.

You're not holding up
your end of the bargain.

Which is?

To me.

Spending my money and mistreating me

in front of the servants is one thing.

If I wanted to be with a man
who didn't penetrate me,

I would have tolerated
my life with the Commodore.

A woman of your age should be grateful

for the attention of any man.

Get out.

I'm sorry, that was harsh.

I know how to make it up to you.

Dodo Bellacourt,

will you marry me?

So I can go back to not owning my house

and not having my own money?

Yes.

Get out!

- Of the room?
- Get out of my house!

All right.

- I'm leaving then.
- Get out!

And leave that ring.

I know you took it from my dresser.

I was going to get another one.

This is temporary.

All I want in this world

is for my little baby Murray
to have a good life.

I will do anything.

Anything!

Here you go.

Hi.

Yes, hello.

I love you, Baby Murray.

I love you.

Are you looking for your bible?

I think you need it more than I do.

So many rules.

- Will you read one to me?
- No, Frederick.