Just this gum.
Ooh, phone cradle...
I could use one of these.
[sighs]
Come on.
- [bell dings]
- Instant garbage!
- Hi, I'm Bryce Shivers.
- And I'm Lisa Eversman.
- And we make...
- Instant garbage.
Double USB chargers
for your car
that only work sometimes.
Garbage.
This won't fit any phone.
Garbage.
Headphones...
they'll hurt your ears.
- Ow.
- Are you okay?
Ouch.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
Oh, wait, here.
- [squeaks]
- Ow. Instant garbage.
If you don't wanna throw away
your instant garbage,
you could put it
in a drawer you hate
for years and years.
A drawer you never clean out,
until you're getting a divorce
or having a nervous breakdown.
[items clatter]
Bryce, how much is this stuff?
$4.99.
We found the exact point
between price and hassle
that guarantees you won't bother
returning our products.
Are you really gonna drive
all the way back
to that mall kiosk
to demand your money back?
- You should.
- But you won't.
And that kiosk
is probably gone anyway.
Okay, this shipment's
going to Poughkeepsie.
Ah, Poughkeepsie.
[whimsical whistling]
Gainesville.
Mm, no.
- Does it matter?
- No.
All right.
Okay, that's everything.
Have you taken a break yet?
You can go on break.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
- You know something?
- Huh?
I think I'm gonna try this.
It says compatible with iPad.
♪ ♪
[grunts]
There you go.
Oh...
I've never seen it
do that before.
And it's very hot.
- [drones]
- [sighs]
[Washed Out's
"Feel It All Around" playing]
So how many miles
are you jogging?
- Uh, like, six.
- Really?
No, that's really low now.
- Oh, that's lower.
- It's-- yeah.
Wow, that--
you're during great.
- Thanks.
- Hey, bud.
- Aww.
- Who's this cutie?
What a cute dog.
You know,
you're really great with dogs.
- I am?
- Yeah.
- You've never had one.
- Well, I had one as a kid.
You should get one now.
- Maybe I should.
- Yeah.
S-so they all are up to date
on their sh*ts?
- Yes, of course...
- Okay.
We are totally OCD about that.
But, um--
this is Chip,
and, um, yeah.
- So, uh, oh, hi.
- Oh, hi.
Daphne, hi.
[laughs]
Hi, Daphne.
So this one's so cute.
Yeah, people love cute.
Everybody loves cute,
so she'll probably only be here
a couple of days.
- Oh, I-- I like cute too.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Course you do.
And this is Chico.
What's his story?
Well, he's been here
almost a year,
and we're really--
we're really running
out of options.
People have all these beliefs
about pit bulls.
People think that
they're aggressive,
and it's crazy, 'cause they're
incredibly sweet dogs.
It's just ignorance
and discrimination.
[sighs] You know
how ignorant people are.
Yeah.
You know, he's just a
misunderstood miracle, this guy.
- [both laugh]
- Are you misunderstood, Chico?
- [dog whines]
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow...
You just seem like
a really strong woman.
You could really make
a difference in this dog's life.
Are-- are you interested?
[gentle piano music]
Okay.
All right, Chico.
This is great.
This is my street.
[gasps]
Pit bull.
Go inside.
Hi.
Oh, no, they left their shoes.
[laughs]
That's silly.
Look, another pit bull.
Hey, it's really good
what we're doing.
[solemn string music]
It's not so bad out.
It's kinda nice actually.
Ah, you're such a good
little walker.
[shrieks]
- That's weird.
- [dog whimpers]
It's okay.
Yeah, she was kinda scary, huh?
[dog whimpers]
Wow, what a good boy.
Hey, excuse me.
It's really good
what we're doing for these dogs.
- What?
- [squirrel chittering]
[dog barking]
Chico!
Chico!
Chico!
No!
[dramatic music]
- [growling, yelping]
- [squirrel squeaks]
- [groans]
- Chico...
My hand still hurts.
I get it.
You've had a hard life, right?
I know how it looks
to other people.
People don't expect
much from you, right?
They see you, and they think,
"He's not gonna
amount to anything.
He's from nowhere.
He's going nowhere.
He's nothing."
But I don't believe
for one second
that you're what
those other people say you are.
You are not that at all.
I'm Sandra, by the way.
I guess I--
[laughs]--
I never really
introduced myself.
Um...
I grew up in Boulder.
You'll probably never go there.
Uh, both my parents are--
are dead, so...
I'm not gonna tell you
what to do.
You have to decide.
I need to know what you want.
[dog whimpers]
[mellow guitar music]
- What do you feel like doing?
- I don't know.
I, uh-- it's raining,
so maybe we should go
inside somewhere.
Train Station Museum.
What's this thing?
A museum could be fun.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Welcome to the, uh,
Train Station Museum.
- Is there a gift shop here?
- Uh, not really.
- Is there a train ride?
- It's just a museum
to showcase, uh, the history
of-- of train stations.
You wanna go do that?
We'll go look at the trains--
Well, there's nothing else
to do, so let's try.
All right, yeah,
so-- so two, please.
- Thank you very much.
- Okay, thank you.
- Have a nice day.
- Thanks, en-enjoy.
Hm.
Uh-huh.
"1901, railway
and locomotive engineering."
- Maybe that's a logging tree?
- So which goes to which?
Can you just explain that to me?
Or you can ask that lady?
That information
is on the placard.
Okay, thank you.
Oh...
what is this?
It's a uniform.
That's one of
our most popular pieces.
Oh, here's a button.
Sorry, that button
doesn't work right now.
Oh, look, a tin can.
You know what
that reminds me of--
"The Wizard of Oz."
- The Tin Man.
- The Tin Man.
The order that
I like the, um, characters
is, um-- I like Scarecrow one.
- Lion.
- The Lion second.
- Mm.
- And the Tinman third.
I always thought you used to
like the Lion first.
- No.
- Are you sure?
- I changed the order.
- Okay.
Yeah, I'm looking
at the same sh*t,
and it has nothing to do
with Portland.
Like, why is that here,
you know?
It's just some old movie
of trains.
It's for entertainment.
Uh, the video's in
a one-minute loop.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know. I have no idea.
- Oh, great.
- Is there, like, another, uh,
- part of the museum?
- Oh, no, that's it.
- That's the whole thing?
- We have a map.
It goes all the way,
all the way around.
Yep, that's--
- That's that?
- That's that.
There wasn't really anything.
There was no train ride.
There-- there was nothing
about this place
that said "rides."
It said "train,"
and when I think train,
- I think a ride.
- Right. Yeah.
Well.
And it's not the happiest
place on Earth here.
No-- there's only one
happiest place on Earth,
and that's Disney.
What you should have is
you should have, like,
a virtual reality train ride.
And it goes through
all the eras in history.
And the conductor
gets older and older,
you know, digitally.
I definitely a-a-appreciate
all of your feedback
and comments,
and I take that to heart.
- Well, thank you, anyway.
- Thank you.
- And we had a nice time.
- Have a nice day.
We had a very nice time.
Yes.
Let's go to our lunch.
Trains are very collectible,
especially around
Christmas time.
- Yeah.
- Enjoy your day.
Like, my house has
more collectibles
in the kitchen.
- Hey, Fred.
- Max.
- How are you doing?
- What are you in town, man?
- Uh, a photoshoot.
- Whoa, nice.
I actually got
the whole Moothie campaign.
What's-- you got
a Moothie campaign?
Moothie-- the biggest clothing
company in the world?
- You know who Moothie is?
- No.
There's an article in
the "New York Times"
- about him this week.
- Wow.
Like, let me show you
a few of the proofs, like.
- Uh, this is what you did?
- Yeah.
This picture--
the-- the girl in this photo--
her face is very, very--
it's so, um--
Yeah, that's Cameron Russell.
She's a supermodel.
Uh, she's just over here with
the rest of the Moothie crew.
Would you like to meet 'em?
- Yeah.
- Abso-- come on over.
I'll introduce ya.
Cameron, Gregory, this is, uh,
my old friend, Fred.
- Please, Gregory from Moothie.
- Gregory.
- Cameron Russell.
- Nice to meet you.
Hi, um, he just showed me,
uh, pictures of you.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, I mean--
it-- it just-- look,
you're-- you're very...
pretty and beautiful,
physically in the face.
Uh...
I don't think she likes to
make a big deal of that stuff.
- It just--
- But-- but I do.
- Okay.
- I mean, when I see people--
I'm just like one of
those weird people
who notices when
someone is pretty.
She's a model.
That's the point.
- They-- they picked her.
- But your face--
it ha-- it-- it has formed
in a very, um,
pretty and beautiful way,
and I'll bet you anything
that that's why they put you
on a magazine.
- She's a model...
- Yes.
They act--
they actually chose her.
Well, I don't wanna be crass,
but I think you should
charge money
for people taking
pictures of you.
- I actually-- I do.
- You do?
- Yeah.
- She's a model.
That's--
that's why they hired her.
[laughs]
He's a friend of yours?
Old friend.
All right, well,
it's nice to meet you.
All right, nice to meet you.
Thank you.
Always love seeing you,
Fred.
- Carrie...
- Hey.
Okay, you know Max, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- He's in town right now,
- and he's doing a photoshoot.
- That's great.
- Guess why.
- 'Cause that's his job.
Yeah.
He photographs people.
Look at this person
on the cover of the magazine.
- Oh, Cameron Russell.
- You know who this is?
She's a really famous model.
But look at the way
the clothes are falling on her.
Yeah, yeah, I mean--
whoa, yeah.
We're kind of, like,
in the same jacket.
You would never know.
'Cause on her,
it's very natural.
With you, it seems like you're
propped up inside a puppet,
or, like, a cardboard cutout
of clothing.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
So if you look through here,
you'll see that there are
other pretty women
- that are models.
- Who's that? She's beautiful.
And she's beautiful.
I don't get
what you don't get.
I don't get
what you're not getting.
No, I-- I really don't get
what you don't get.
No, I don't get
what you don't get.
I'm saying that
she's physically beautiful.
And there's no article about her
anywhere in this magazine.
She's only in the pictures.
That's all they have.
Yeah.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
Thanks for being here.
What we do is we train people
to behave a certain way
around dogs.
More important than
getting a dog
to sit and stand
and jump and fetch
is teaching people to respect
the space of dogs,
to understand their language.
Now everyone point at the dog.
Everyone point at themselves.
Everybody shrug.
Adam, will you pretend
to have some seashells?
And to offer it to Chico?
- [dog growls]
- Now sit back down again.
Sandra, will you tell everyone
a story about a marching band?
One of my favorite videos
is when Fleetwood Mac used
the USC Trojans' marching band
in their "Tusk" video.
- That's your whole story?
- Yeah.
Let me show you how it's done.
The marching band was like--
[imitates trombone]
[imitates drumming]
[imitates music playing]
See, and now he's,
like, interested.
Now I'm gonna step out
for a moment,
and I'm gonna come back in.
When I come back in,
do not react, okay?
Do not react.
You guys, I'm really sorry.
All aboard!
All aboard the 515
to Akron, Ohio.
All aboard.
[sobbing]
Ooh, my crops--
well, they just look like
a bunch of tissue pa-paper.
Don't-- don't console me.
Like a bunch of crippled up
old tissue paper.
- Scene.
- Look how well Chico's doing.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Uh-hoo-ha-hoo-ha.
Eeh-heh-eeh-eeh.
I'm telling you
that I'm from this planet.
I-I feel very confident
that Chico's not going to have
any interactions with aliens.
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
[gasps]
[indistinct yelling]
How is this helping Chico?
What's the difference between
when we came in and now?
Chico is facing you.
You have ingratiated
yourself to him, okay?
So the way we do payment is
it's 40 bucks each for
every person in the room, cash.
But you asked me to bring
as many people as possible.
Yes, I did.
Hey, Fred, there's a--
a peaceful protest tonight
for that bicyclist
that was hit on Williams.
- Oh...
- 7:00 PM-- please wear black.
- I'll post something about it.
- Uh, maybe we should go.
I mean, I feel like I'm always
posting political things,
but I'm not actually
participating.
I know, I guess I do kind of
just, like, hashtag things
without thinking about it.
You know, "RIP this",
"RIP that",
"Pray for whoever."
We should just post about
going to something.
And actually go.
Okay, but let's still
post about it.
Yes.
I want people to know
we're going.
- Definitely.
- But it's not about us.
- No.
- Cool.
- Wear black, they said?
- Yeah.
I don't think
they meant black tie.
What, are you gonna
emcee the event?
- So no tie?
- You wear this.
All right, ready to go?
Yeah, but I don't think
we should take the car.
- Oh, of course not.
- Yeah, we need to ride bikes.
[bell jingles]
So I was just wondering
if maybe you had
a bike I could borrow
for the day.
Yeah, sure, man.
Um, but you don't own a bike?
I do.
My cousin has it right now.
I've never seen you on a bike.
- Oh, yeah, really?
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, did you see my post
about the protest?
No.
- Ready?
- Yeah, I think I'm afraid.
I am too. It's like,
what do we do when we get there?
- Like, how do we act?
- No, I mean,
I'm afraid of riding a bike.
Oh.
[engine revving]
Okay, so what we'll do is
we'll just a park
a few blocks away,
and ride up with our bicycles.
No one's gonna know
the difference.
Such a good plan.
Now, I know we're late,
but I haven't eaten all day.
Do you think we could
maybe stop for--
Two tacos, please.
We're going to
the protest today.
I see you're wearing
black as well.
That's cool.
Solidarity.
Oh, no...
- Did we miss it?
- I think we did.
Damn.
God, everyone's leaving.
- Uh...
- Excuse me, we would love
to interview you
about the protest
and get your thoughts on
the whole bike movement thing.
What was it like to be a part of
such an historic event and rally
here in Portland?
I mean, this was, like, one of
the biggest we've ever seen.
Oh, huge.
I lost my voice
from all the chanting.
We just got out there
and got the word out.
Okay, and what was the word?
What was the message?
Uh, the message was just to--
to let people know that
the bicyclists
and pedestrians have rights.
And I am very active, uh,
with this, uh, online.
You can follow me on Twitter
@CarrieIsWoke.
Oh, okay, well,
thank you for your time.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
I think we've got everything.
Time goes so fast, doesn't it?
21...
- Hudson?
- Huh?
Hudson, c-come on down here
for a minute.
- Hi, hon.
- What's up?
Hey, buddy.
We just wanted to talk to you
for a moment.
You're turning 21
tomorrow.
And in this country,
when you turn 21,
you're then allowed to drink
alcoholic beverages.
A mommy drink
or a daddy drink.
It's not like ice cream.
It's not like milk shakes.
It's like a very--
almost bitter taste to it--
- sometimes harsh.
- It can be sweet too.
- Okay.
- You know, it just depends.
- So this is cans of beer.
- Mm-hmm.
So beer is the golden drink
that has the froth in it.
That's what's hiding
in those cans.
You just pull the tab up there.
The tab will push
part of the metal
that's ridged into the can.
Don't worry, it's not
floating around in there.
It's still connected.
This is called a six-pack.
- Why?
- Because there's six of 'em?
- That's right.
- Right? Yeah.
- This is wine.
- It's made from grapes.
Now, what do you want?
A brand new bottle of wine?
- Yes.
- No.
Really old wine.
So that's red wine.
- Just look through there.
- Yeah.
- There's your corkscrew.
- Okay.
You pull the cork out.
Show me that
you can handle that.
Don't do the wine,
but show me the corkscrew.
It's right here.
Watch your tone.
Okay, vodka--
this is clear.
I associate it with Russia.
[Russian accent]
Russia-- brews good--
[mumbles indistinctly]
vodka.
And I associate it
with an ex-boyfriend.
- This is for liqueurs.
- Like a brandy or a port.
Another kind of drink is gin.
That gets mixed with tonic.
Or juice.
Gin and juice.
Hudson, this is a bar.
You'll see that there's this,
like, little table here.
You order from a bartender,
and they'll know how to make it.
You don't have to
direct them on--
"Mommy and Daddy told me that
this is how you do it."
So this is
a pretty normal bar,
- but there's-- there's nightclubs.
- Nightclubs?
The bar is in the distance,
and people are dancing
and they're--
the music's going!
And yeah!
You might have to shout,
"vodka soda!"
And then, um, when you have
a drink in those--
if you have one for your friend,
you have to sort of
cut through people,
so it's like--
Well, well, well,
- it's your birthday.
- Yeah.
And I guess Josh is gonna
take you out.
Please be careful.
I love you.
Thank you, Mrs. Singer.
So I was thinking
we go to the Tiki Hut,
and get some tiki drinks, huh?
Tiki... drinks?
Yeah, you know, they put
the tropical fruits in them.
They're super sweet,
really strong.
You know, the tiki drinks--
they put the little umbrellas
in 'em.
- Tiny umbrellas.
- Yeah.
Yeah, they serve 'em
in coconuts or skulls.
Skulls?
We can do a Mai Tai,
and get your--
[voice distorts]
Oh, a Singapore Sling is good.
Oh, we gotta get you
a Flaming Zombie, man.
No, they didn't
explain this to me.
Mom!
Help me!
What's a tiki drink?
I really appreciate it.
- Jamie.
- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- You brought your dog.
- Yeah, this is Chico.
- Pretty cute, right?
- Yeah, when did you get Chico?
Oh, right after we talked.
You were right.
I wanted a dog,
and I'm good with 'em,
- and it's really fun.
- Thanks for coming.
- Jamie!
- Sure.
Hey, sorry.
Oh, sure.
Well, Chico, here we are.
Maybe I'll get a drink,
and we'll get you a hotdog.
[dog snarls]
- Chico!
- [dog barking]
No!
[grunts]
- Ah! Chico! No!
- Ah!
No.
Chico!
Down!
Chico...
[dramatic musical sting]
[dog snarling, barking]
Chico...
you wanna be known as
a squirrel k*ller?
Is that what you want, Chico?
You want people to leave here
and say,
"I was at a birthday party,
and I saw a pit bull
k*ll a squirrel"?
Is the squirrel the prize?
At the end of this today,
if you're not smarter,
stronger, faster,
then you've lost nothing.
But if you are,
then you're that much tougher.
[dog whimpers]
Your heart-- it's a muscle.
And love is what makes
the heart stronger.
So it's your choice, Chico.
What's the prize?
Is it love?
Or is it pain?
You choose.
[stirring music]
♪ ♪
Chico?
- This is crazy.
- Yeah.
- I knew I could save you.
- How'd you do this?
- You saved me?
- Yeah.
That's incredible.
Yeah, I'm Chico.
I'm Chico the dog.
- This is Chico.
- Wow.
Do you-- do you remember
that dog trainer
you had at the house
the other day?
He started speaking to me
in funny voices.
Yeah, I-- I hired this trainer
off the internet.
What a weirdo.
Wow.
Did you see where
the squirrel went earlier?
- I don't know.
- You didn't see it?
- No.
- Well, I have to go find that.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna go.
[laughs]
He's going after a squirrel.
People have-- so many prejudice
against them.
You know,
there's a lot of, uh--
they just say, "Oh, they're--
they're aggressive,
and they're filthy," you know,
but-- yeah,
they're just misunderstood
miracles, you know.
'Cause-- four rats.
They aren't born that way,
you know.
It's how people treat four rats.
Would you be interested
in four rats?
[drum flourish]
[lively jazz music]
♪ ♪
[dramatic percussive music]
♪ ♪
If you ever go to a museum,
you'll see an--
- even an Egyptian in the museum.
- Like--
- This.
- Yeah.
You can show off
to your friends,
and go, "They're drinking
alcoholic drinks."
The very beginning of time
with the Egyptians--
- Mm-hmm.
- That's what they're doing.
Hmm.
Everyone was serving
everyone else back then.
♪ ♪