- Hi, I'm Bryce Shivers.
- And I'm Lisa Eversman.
Have you ever been
invited to something
you don't want to go to?
But you made
the commitment anyway
because you
felt obligated.
What you do is you wait
till the very last second
- and then you...
- both: Cancel it!
[quietly] Ow.
Events like
your boss's barbecue.
Cancel it!
Your niece's birthday.
[party blower squawks]
Cancel it.
Allen's open mic.
Just wait until
the very last second,
and then just cancel it.
You don't have
to cancel everything.
It's weird--I was never
invited to Allen's open mic.
- Yeah, that is weird.
- Hm.
- Reminder: client dinner.
- Cancel it.
- Dentist appointment.
- Cancel it.
- Couple's counseling.
- Cancel it!
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Do you have plans to see
a play with your parents,
but you don't wanna go?
But you feel guilty
because you barely
ever see them?
- You don't have to go.
- But they're old.
Cancelling is
the fastest way
to teach the elderly
about the uses
of technology.
[keys clacking]
[text message whoosh]
This is why texting
was invented:
so you could cancel
last-minute.
- Theater with parents.
- Cancel it.
- Breakfast with Diane.
- Cancel it!
[buzzer sounding wildly]
Even if you
love your family,
we all dread
the holidays.
Why not exchange
presents in January,
when the flights are cheap
and the malls are empty?
That's right.
You can...
both: Cancel Christmas!
Cancel it!
Hey, uh,
what are we doing
for Christmas?
You know, I might be
out of town.
Aww.
What's Allen doing here?
[camera shutter clicks]
[Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" playing]
Yes, I am aware.
It sounds so boring!
[soft laugh]
Cancel it!
[buzzer sounding wildly]
[Washed Out's
"Feel It All Around" playing]
[dreamy chillwave music]
...potato pancakes have
been burnt, like a...
Did they give you
a stomachache?
[laughing] Yeah.
It was like
a smashed hockey puck.
What are you looking at?
Oh, you know,
eh, Tinder, Bumble,
the usual.
- Ooh.
- Blah, blah, blah.
Looking for a date?
Yeah, you know, single.
It's... been a while, so.
I don't know, what do
you think of this guy?
Um, I think it's weird
that he has blurred out
someone in the picture.
What if it's just
someone random
and he, like, didn't get
their permission?
Well, I have a feeling
that's his ex
and I think
it's aggressive
that he blurred her out.
Okay.
What about this?
I think this is so funny.
You wanna date a dog?
No, I don't
wanna date a dog.
He just has a picture
of the dog.
He's kind of, like, commenting
on the whole culture--
You don't want that.
At least he should show
- his own face, don't you think?
- Yeah.
Oh, what's
the goofy one?
That's his whole thing,
is he's being funny.
- Do you like funny?
- I don't know
- what I like anymore.
- You just deserve better.
Whatever you show me,
you deserve better.
- What about this guy?
- Nope.
No.
- No.
- No.
- Ugh.
- Garbage.
Garbage.
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
- Trash.
- No.
- Ugh.
- Garbage.
- [together] Garbage.
- I think that's a red flag.
- Yeah, good point.
- That's fair.
- These people are all trash
compared to what
you deserve.
- Oh, she's discouraged.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
You know, me and Carrie
are gonna go get
some low-key
plastic surgery,
but I think we're
gonna cancel
so we can help
you get a date.
You guys don't have
to cancel your plans.
Like, it's just--it's a
string of terrible options.
That's what it is.
I'll be fine.
I'm worried you're not
gonna find someone
if we're not
here to help.
Okay, describe
your perfect guy.
Okay, um...
I guess, like, kind of
a squarish-shaped face,
dark features in general.
He's Jewish, but, like,
wants to be Italian.
Thin-ish...
You like a tight shirt,
right?
- Tighten up that shirt.
- Yeah, that's great.
You're not drawing
yourself, are you?
[smooth musical flourish]
Do you wanna
date this guy?
Ohh...
[upbeat percussive music]
♪ ♪
- Hey!
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Uh, we're Steve and Anne.
- We have a reservation.
- Okay.
[mouse clicks]
Um, little complication...
We were supposed to
meet a couple people here
and they literally just texted
that they can't make it.
Could the two of us
just go in by ourselves?
Unfortunately, the
room you've got booked
has a four-person
minimum requirement.
Um, we do have
a couple here looking for
a few extra players
themselves.
[thrilling fanfare]
Escape room!
We're gonna
set a record!
We're gonna
b*at you guys.
I thought we were all
on the same team.
- Yeah, it's one team.
- That's right, one team.
And we're gonna win.
Well, follow me.
'Scuse us.
[chanting] Escape,
escape, escape, escape.
I'm about to lead you
into Dr. Mondego's study.
The doctor was found m*rder*d
of mysterious causes.
- [gasps]
- When the detectives arrived,
they found no visible
wounds on the body.
- Dummies.
- They did, however,
find a note in
his typewriter
addressed to his wife
and two sons,
and it said that if he
were to be found dead,
that they should not believe
that it was by his own hand.
If, for any reason, you need
to get out of the room,
we have a panic button.
[snorts]
But know that
if you do press it,
the game will be over and you
will not receive a refund.
Yeah, and you're a
bunch of little babies.
All right.
Well, good luck.
[suspenseful music]
Escape!
Clues, escape, escape.
Clues, clues.
- Look around, guys.
- Look at how cool this is.
- Wow.
- Shut up, shut up!
You shut your mouths--
the two of you!
We're the leaders, okay?
You're the followers.
- It's fine. I got this.
- Oh, my God.
First of all, we do
not need these cameras.
[gasps]
And we do not need
the panic button!
- Oh, my God.
- Let's go!
Look around, look around.
Look, look, look, look!
- We're looking!
- Look hard!
All right?
Get your pupils focused.
You guys, here!
It's on the desk.
Help me count. One,
two, three, four, five--
wait, how does this work?
Anyone know how
to do an abacus?
I got it.
Why would there be
a laminate on a postcard?
Who does that?
[grunts mockingly]
- Key! Time!
- Wait, we found something.
"Ideas are light bulbs.
Turn it on."
- That seems like a clue, right?
- No!
[stammering]
That's a fake-out.
- Okay.
- You're wasting time!
"Ideas are light bulbs.
Turn it on."
Let's go...
[Kath and Dave shouting]
- Check out the lights? Mm-hmm.
- The light bulbs, yeah.
"Caacgdka."
- "Fo-gid-ubra."
- "De-cudge-u-gah."
"Fo-gid-u-wah."
"Fo-gid-uh-wah nee."
Guys, do you
wanna help us?
- Think we found...
- We found some clues.
[both chanting gibberish]
- They're in their own world.
- Okay.
- Unlock it.
- Why is there a switch?
Put your key in.
Put your key in!
Think you can
outsmart me? [cackles]
- Put your key in!
- Good luck! Yeah!
Put your key
in the hole!
[electricity crackling]
[gibbering loudly]
- Holy crap.
- Oh, my God.
[spluttering]
[gasps]
Is he okay?
[coughs] There's
blood in my mouth.
[coughing]
Let's just--
let's just keep looking.
[soft laugh]
Outsmart us, huh?
- Zero-one-zero...
- What was, um...
- Computer talk.
- The computer talk?
- Binary code.
- Binary... mm-hmm.
Will you hold it?
Read every book!
[gibberish]
- It's in here!
- [gibberish]
- Ooh!
- You got it!
Look at that.
[distant] What's this?
What's this?
both: "Stay safe."
Dave!
I wanna get out!
- I wanna get out!
- [distant]We got the door!
[both screaming]
I want to get out!
You can't do this to us!
- [distant] We found the clue.
- We're not lab rats!
[screaming]
Panic! Panic!
- Oh, look--okay.
- , .
- Let's see what we got here.
- [screaming]
You have no right
to do this to my brain!
- It's my brain!
- Got it?
- Yes!
- Oh, my God!
- Please! Please!
- Where's my clues,
you son of a bitch?
- I'm gonna go through.
- Do it!
[dramatic music pounds]
k*ll it!
Yes!
- [screaming]
- Yeah! Yes!
Yeah!
[gasping] We did it!
- We won!
- [panting]
Lookit, there's our time:
: .
- : !
- Yes! Whoo.
- Whoo.
- All right.
When do you guys wanna
do this again?
♪ What about men? ♪
Hey, I'm Drew.
And you know it,
I'm Andy.
About three months ago,
we swore off of women.
No dating them,
no falling in love
with them, nothing.
Not even thinking
about them.
Now, we weren't getting
a lot of feedback
on this new
lifestyle choice,
and it occurred to us
that people didn't know
that we were
swearing off women.
So, this is sort of our,
uh, coming out video.
I wonder if, uh,
we clarify that
in, uh, you know...
Ah,
right-right-right-right.
This is our heterosexual
coming out video.
Not... "coming out."
It's more that
we are announcing.
A straight guy
coming out.
- I'm Drew.
- I'm Andy.
This is our
heterosexual video
about swearing off women.
As it were.
As it were.
Yeah.
Uh, anyway, uh...
we tried everything.
We really tried our best.
You know, going
out on dates.
You know, I did a lot of,
uh, spaghetti dinners
and steak dinners and,
uh, hamburger dinners.
Uh, for my part, I was
sending a lot of DMs,
asking women on dates.
And these were
funny DMs, you know?
We have a sense of humor.
You know, jokes,
jokes in a row!
I--I did some research about
what women find funny,
and then, of course,
I was also sending
some heartfelt
compliments.
I mean, you know,
women... [sighs]
Feminis-- the problem
is that... that--
It's--it's impossible.
Why even try?
That's why we decided
to opt out.
Okay, if a straight man
can't win at the game,
don't play the game
you can't win at, boys.
If the game's fixed,
why play?
Don't you, like...
wouldn't you say that
if you can't win
at the game...
[clears throat]
We should do, like--
this whole thing
should be a silhouette.
Oh, yes.
[distorted]
That's when things
got out of hand,
you know?
I was taking
this girl out,
and I sat with her at dinner
and she didn't say a word.
[distorted] I don't really
know the exact moment
when things changed.
All I know is that she
stopped calling me back.
Uh, pretend to
cry a little?
[sobs softly, sniffs]
I don't know, it's like
if someone was--
I don't know, if someone
was watching the video--
I don't know, like if-if
a woman was actually--
A woman?
No, man.
[sighs] Be strong.
Just...
I-I know, but,
like, if...
like, if someone
could love me...
Oh--[stammers]--
don't do that.
- She's beautiful.
- Who?
- Who's beautiful?
- I don't know.
Some women are beautiful.
[sighs]
[knocking]
Hey!
Hey, it's Sofiya,
your neighbor.
- Uh--
- We're making a video.
I just need
some help with a couch.
Would you mind?
- Um...
- We're busy.
Oh, it'll just
take a second.
I'll make you guys
some lemonade.
Uh, maybe when we're
done. I'd prefer not to.
Yeah, what are guys
good for, their muscles?
Yeah.
Hire us first.
Okay.
Thanks.
[blows raspberry]
That's right, man.
[whip snaps]
Uh, I'm gonna go get
a glass of water.
All right.
[sniffs, exhales]
[soft patriotic fanfare]
[sniffs] [quietly]
Um, if anything,
I feel like
I'm, like, too romantic.
Uh... there's part of me
that just would love to
like, settle down
and, like, have kids--
- What are you--
- What? Sorry.
Were you talking
into the camera?
No, no, no, no, no, I was
just fixing the mic, man.
[upbeat percussive music]
♪ ♪
[knocking]
[phones continuously chiming]
- Hi.
- Thank God you guys are here.
- We came as soon as we could.
- Okay, so I got two phones.
I've been texting with
eight different people,
and I-I-I--I'm losing track!
Okay, there's one guy.
We're just communicating
via "Family Guy" quotes.
Whoa-whoa--
whoa-whoa-whoa.
And I'm out of
things Stewie said!
- Slow down.
- We can handle this.
Okay.
I--what's that?
Okay.
Oh, but...
Um... I...
[phones continue chiming]
[futuristic music]
Rachel, welcome to
the command center.
So, I'm gonna handle
the deep-thinking guys
that are looking for
something intellectual.
I'm gonna handle all
the jokey guys
don't wanna come off
too serious.
Okay.
Uh, what should I do?
Uh, you should handle
the guys that immediately
send pictures of their dicks
or are just here for sex.
- Got it, okay.
- Oh, and this is Trevor.
- [electric guitar chords]
- Super great to meet you.
- Hey.
- Due to the heavy text volume,
Trevor has your phone
hooked up to a machine
so he can patch us in
to our own group of guys.
I just like to help
out. And don't worry.
I won't, uh,
look at the content.
- Just the name.
- Oh.
You can look at the
content. I mean, I'm not--
- there's nothing to hide.
- Okay, uh, cool.
I'd love to look.
[music halts]
Oh.
[laughs]
- Okay, okay, yeah.
- Let's get to work.
We are patched in.
All lines are open.
"Gross," send.
"Gross," send.
"Oh, come on, you know
I wasn't being serious.
"Sometimes it's hard
to say things over text,
but you know exactly
what I mean," send.
Ohh.
No.
Ooh, that sounds
interesting.
Oh, you're very
interesting. "Gross," send.
Yes, I do believe
in true love.
"That's your
finger." Send.
Trevor, d*ck pics go
to Rachel, not me.
- Ugh.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
- Uh.
Hope this isn't
too weird, but,
I'd love to
take you out sometime,
that is, if you're
interested.
Uh... yeah, uh, do you
have an online profile?
I don't.
Oh, but--no, but then
how would I find you
or... or get to know you?
"Yes, what was
the last book you read?"
- Rachel, hand me the stats.
- Oh--
Stats on Brett.
Fred, here's the graph.
Rachel, someone says
they already know you...
- Oh, God.
- And dated you before.
What does that mean?
Why are they asking me?
If we've dated before,
I already rejected them.
- "LOL."
- "LOL-OL-OL-OL."
[laughing tonelessly]
"Ha-a-a-ah-hah!"
Send.
Sure, that's-that's
a non-threatening fetish.
[fanfare sound effect plays]
Got a date.
Hmm?
Dinner at the Slide Inn
tomorrow night.
- W-w-which guy?
- Uh, I don't know.
David, Peter,
I can't tell which.
- Is it me?
- No!
"Is it me?"
- Why would it be you, buddy?
- Sorry, Trevor.
So, Joey,
what brings you in today?
Um, I live pretty close.
I live right there.
That's--that's my house.
Oh.
So I saw your sign,
and it says
to make an appointment,
and then I did.
I'm not crazy.
I know there's a lot of
crazy people out there,
and, they--you know--
Oh, I don't like to
make judgments
- on people's mental health.
- Good.
I'm here to help people.
You know,
someone's crazy enough,
you put 'em in
a straitjacket, right?
Then you put 'em
in a rubber room?
- I don't.
- You--you call a paddy wagon?
- I don't, no.
- You don't do that?
- Nope.
- Why-why do they do that?
What is that?
Well, sometimes, um...
You must get serial
K*llers in here, right?
God, I hope I haven't
seen any K*llers, but--
They-they chop
people up, you know?
Because they're so sick.
Well, I think-
They don't understand
that, like,
once you k*ll someone,
that's enough.
You don't have
to keep going
and keep chopping 'em up
like they're in,
you know, the deli.
Hmm, okay.
- Joey, can I be honest with you?
- Yeah.
You're doing a lot of
shifting of subjects.
I'd really like to know
why you're here.
What's, uh--
what's kleptomania?
- That's stealing, right?
- It is.
Yeah, what is that?
- Stealing.
- What about color blindness?
That's, that's...
that's a lie, right?
- No, nope.
- What about amnesia?
- I think it's not true.
- It is.
Isn't that convenient,
though?
Couldn't they say, "I
don't wanna pay the bill.
"Uh, I have amnesia. I
don't know what happened."
I don't think it
really works like that.
- You believe stuttering?
- I--yeah.
I do too.
When people stutter, I go,
"I think that's real."
[sighs] Okay.
Um...
You know what
necrophilia is?
[whispering]
Some people are so sick,
that they--you know, they
climb on top of a body...
Okay.
Yeah, I know--
I know what it is.
You could hump two rocks
and it'd feel better
than a corpse.
And what do you do
when you're done?
"Nice to meet you--
oh, sorry, you're dead"?
I do like
nymphomania, though.
That's a...
wow, nymphomania.
"Hi, nice to meet you.
You wanna get married?"
I mean, that's
a good disease to have.
- Say more about that, please.
- No. I will not.
I don't have to answer any
questions at this time.
Okay.
Freud said you wanted to do
it with your mom, right?
Freud did talk about
the Oedipal complex.
Sit with your mom and
go, "Hey, Mom, you know,
"I know we're
having a good time
"looking through
old family photos.
"You wanna go up to
the bedroom for a minute?
Let me take off your blouse,
give you a massage."
- You know, kissing the necks?
- You can--
I mean, that's my mom
you're talking about.
- Mm-hmm.
- No thank you.
Okay, uh, Joey,
our time is actually...
up.
- Uh, what?
- Got about five minutes
before we've gotta,
um, wrap up here, so...
- This is the session?
- Yeah--oh, yeah.
I thought I had to, you know,
put on, like, a butt-gown,
- and, like, sit up and...
- Oh, no.
Hey, you--you going
in here, the therapist?
It's a rip off.
You never get past
the waiting room.
Oh, no, no,
I have to see her.
I'm a nymphomaniac.
Wanna get married?
[upbeat percussive music]
♪ ♪
Claire.
Claire!
Doug, I'm working.
Why are you still here?
I know you're sad about
your drums getting stolen,
but you can't just sit
around moping all day.
Yeah, but it's just
not cool, you know?
Like, stupid van
and stupid windows
being open and
unlocked doors.
It's not an invitation
to take my drums.
Okay, remember
when Kim broke her leg
and she didn't have
health insurance?
- Yeah, that sucked.
- And she had that benefit
and everyone turned out,
and she made enough money
- to pay her bills.
- Yeah.
- That was a lot of fun, right?
- Right.
So what if you threw
a benefit for Doug?
- Yeah, for my drums.
- Right.
That gives you
something to do.
- Do you wanna help me with it?
- I don't. Good talk.
[band playing rock music]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
Yeah!
Wow.
Let's give it up for
Construction and the Zones.
- Yeah!
- Incredible band.
Thank you all
for coming together
for this... very serious
and important issue.
Now, you know me
as a tough guy.
You think I didn't cry
my eyes out?
- I had tears that were this big.
- I love you, Doug!
You think I'm
kidding around?
- We got you, dude.
- Yeah, you do got me.
I thank you from
the bottom of my heart.
And the band thanks you,
and have a great time!
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, Doug!
Doug, Doug!
Oh, my gosh.
It's such a success!
You've already made
enough money
to cover the drum kit!
It's incredible.
I can't believe it.
Look at this!
Brand new!
Um, I'm gonna
go to work, okay?
- Bye, hon.
- Bye.
[snare taps]
[fabric ripping]
Ah, man!
My favorite jeans.
[groans]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
Incredible, as always.
Uh...
what are we talking about?
Basic human essentials.
Water, shelter, jeans.
I don't take any of it
for granted.
Enjoy the music.
♪ ♪
[printer slams]
What's wrong, cutie?
Well, I--I think
it's just out of ink.
[sighs] Well, I guess I'm
gonna go to the store.
Um-- Hey, shh.
Come on.
What's wrong?
It's okay.
I have a job now.
♪ Why, why, why, why ♪
♪ The street lamp is
blinking on and off ♪
Don't worry about giving
a little more.
There's always more ink
in the sea.
You know that you spent...
$ , on beer last month?
- I did?
- Yeah.
You have the beer gut
to prove it.
I do?
All right, well,
I'm just, like,
not making
as much money anymore.
I know, 'cause you've given
people benefit fatigue.
Well, how am I gonna
pay you back
for that beer I bought
on your credit card?
I think I know.
[band plays bluesy
rock music]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
All right, wow.
Wow.
- We support you, Claire!
- Thanks, everyone.
Um, anyway, Doug's parents
are gonna make a statement.
Without further ado,
Doug's mom.
[speaking Korean]
[cheers and applause]
♪ ♪
So, uh,
where--where you from?
Um--well, it's a town
outside of Boston,
but you wouldn't know the town,
so I--I just say Boston.
- Great, great, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Oh, good.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, that's great.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
[sighs]
[crunching loudly]
Hey, Dan, I don't--
I don't mean for this
to sound too forward,
but, um...
you seem perfect...
...ly fine.
[exhales]
I was just about to say
the same thing about you.
You know what, I'm just
gonna cut to the chase.
Dan, whose middle name
I don't know--
It's French and
really hard to pronounce.
Will you get off
dating apps with me?
Yes.
Yes, I will!
Oh, my God, I
hate dating!
I hate dating!
[both laughing]
Oh, yes.
[both sigh]
Oh!
I am gonna relax now.
Me too.
This is it.
- This is it.
- It's just over now.
Oh, this is it.
This is our life.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
- This is disgusting, by the way.
- Would someone mind
getting me, um, like,
some real dinner?
- Can I get some nachos?
- [sighs happily]
I am on a gluten-only
diet from now on.
[chewing noisily]
- Mmm. [wine swishes]
- I'm gonna take my belt off.
One second.
- Here you go.
- Do you mind if I go bald?
- I'm gonna stop dying my hair.
- [sighs] This is me.
- [exhales loudly] Oh.
- [soft laugh]
[both sigh]
Hey, um...
I'm gonna start
an emotional affair
with someone else,
but it'll just--it'll be
some light texting.
Of course.
I'll do that too.
Great--oh, also,
can we stop having sex?
- I would really love that.
- Aw.
Hey!
Oh, hey. What are
you guys doing here?
- We're on a date.
- Wait.
Those are all the guys you said
weren't good enough for me.
Yeah, well, they're
good enough for us.
That's the guy with
the blurred-face girl,
and the red flag, and--
wait, you said
don't date a guy who had a
dog in his profile picture,
but he's the
hottest guy here!
We didn't know.
Well, uh, it looks like
you got off dating apps.
Congrats, you found someone.
Yeah, yeah.
He's the love of my life.
We have three kids.
It's great.
And I'm with Trevor now.
I met him at your house.
The comedy guy
is so funny.
[horn squeaking]
[chuckling]
♪ Oh, there's
a place we can go ♪
♪ In the computer
screen ♪
♪ ♪
[wailing]
Mommy!
Mommy?
Where are you?
You've got mail.