02x05 - Date Night

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Mr. Kim. How's it going?

Ah, you know, same, same. Nothing new.

MAN: I notice you're
running a little low

on my particular brand of literature.

Yeah, well, you know, you is almost

only customer who still buy magazine.

Everybody else looking online.

No, not me.

Every time you log on,
they're watching you.

They know every click, every swipe.

Yeah?

This way, no one knows
what I'm looking at.

- Except me.
- Except you.

- UMMA: And me.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Hi, Mrs. Kim, I didn't see you there.

Good recipe for lemon
meringue pie, page .

Thanks for the tip.

- Okay, see you.
- Okay.

(CASH REGISTER CLOSES)

You charge him for magazine
inside the magazine?

Yeah, I see everything.

Yeah, me, too.

Because you never clear
browser history.

(GASPS SOFTLY)

How you clear browser history?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Pink shirt? Bold choice, Appa.

Not pink. Salmon. Like a fish.

It's a special for tonight.

That's sweet.

And it's definitely pink.

Okay, I go change.

No, you look good.

I think it's really nice that you guys

are still excited about date night.

Yeah.

When Umma first suggest, I think,

"Eh, it's a stupid idea."

Turns out, it's the best thing
for marriage.

Umma, let's go!

Okay. Okay.

Wow, you look amazing.

More amazing if I have
more minutes.

Where are you guys going?

Dancing and the driving range.

- Wow, big night.
- UMMA: Yeah.

I go dancing, he go driving range.

Wait, you guys
aren't going out together?

Yeah, I take her to bus stop.

I have four more chapters left.

Bye, Janet.

- Uh...
- (DOOR CLOSES)

- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
- (MUSIC PLAYING)

Yo. Ready to sh**t some hoops?

Yeah, one sec.

What are you doing?

Oh, these shoes don't play basketball.

They're basketball shoes.

You can tell by the little man
playing basketball on them.

No, your shoes are basketball shoes.

My shoes are collector's items.

And I intend to keep 'em that way.

Ah, guess it will be bad if you got

some burrito juice
on them sneaks, huh?

Get that burrito away from me!

Get your shoes away from
my special edition burrito.

Dude, I'm not joking!

These shoes, they're my legacy.

Relax. See? Done. Happy?

Whoo!

What the hell?

That was interference.
I would have made that sh*t.

Dude, that's burrito juice.

It's like mustard,
ink and spaghetti sauce

all in one.

You can't even see it.

It's the only thing I can see!

Dude, what is your problem?
I'll get you another pair.

You just can't walk in
a store and buy these.

I was on a wait list for six months!

I made some great friends
on that wait list.

I don't even know how I'm gonna tell

Brody and Denise!

Dude, you have, like, other pairs!

Of different sneakers!
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

I can't even look at you.
Get out of my room!

(SCOFFS)

- You want the Tide pen?
- Yes!

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(DOOR OPENS)

- Hey, how was your night?
- UMMA: Fine.

- Did you have fun?
- (SCOFFS)

So much fun dancing all by myself.

I was kind of wondering
how that worked

with Appa golfing.

For three week,
I dancing with Mr. Gill.

So light on his feet.

But then his wife fully recovered.

So unlucky for me!

Yeah, too bad.

I guess most people go as couples.

How I am supposed to improve

when every week I have
a different dance partner?

Mr. Young, Mr. Wilson...

Oh, Mr. Chopra, he was good.

But then he have a stroke.

So now he's always dancing
to the left, to the left.

Sometimes I want to
dance to right side!

Why don't you just ask Appa?

It would be nice to have
a regular dance partner.

Like your husband.

Appa don't like dancing. He like golf.

What about what you like?

I like Mrs. Gill have
shingles just one more month.

But I never get what I want.

Hey, just wondering about
those month-end reports.

Yeah, just working on 'em now.

That is a-mall-zing.

I don't know if you've noticed,

but there's a big wall
of glass between us,

so I kind of know
you're shoe shopping.

Oh, yeah, kind of.

Hey, love me a shoe shop,

but I'm wearing the boss hat.

Which means I have to tell you
no shopping during work hours.

They're not for me. They're for him.

Careful. He'll destroy
everything you love.

Is he okay?

He was screaming into the trunk

of a Sebring earlier.

He collects sneakers
and I kind of ruined a pair.

Mourning the loss of great shoes,

I know that pain.

They're, like, $ . I had no idea.

I guess you've already checked

Craigslist, Kijiji, eBay,
Etsy, Amazon?

Just Foot Locker.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, my God!
Cancel my : .

I'm just kidding. I can't cancel.

It's my dentist and they've
got a very strict policy.

- May I?
- Yeah. Sure. Be my guest.

Okay.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, no, I do not think so, sir.

And voila.

Yeah, this is the guy, Kelly.

He's close.
Shoes are in good condition.

And he writes in all caps,
which means...

That he's yelling?

He's over .

And maybe he's yelling. I don't know.

But I can talk him down.

- Really?
- Absolutely.

But not right now.
We should get back to work.

I forgot I have my boss hat on.

I'm picturing a sombrero?

Close.

(ON PA) Everything you love.

JANET: It's date night.

That's the point of date night.

People go out together on a date.

Twenty-eight year ago, we date.

Now we're married. We stopped dating.

(SIGHS) Appa, you know what I...

- You know what I...
- (WHIRRING)

- That's not funny.
- Mmm, kind of funny.

I'm serious. Umma was really sad.

It's like you're leaving her dateless

on prom night week after week.

What you talking?

She tell to me

she don't want me take her dancing.

Clear as a bell. Bing.

Uh-huh. What happened
on her last birthday?

We have a good time.

- And what did you get her?
- Nothing.

She say she don't want present.

But what did she want?

Present.

- See, you need to...
- (WHIRRING)

Appa, I...

- (WHIRRING CONTINUES)
- Huh?

Appa... Ugh!

(BOTH YELLING)

(WHIRRING STOPS)

Okay, all finished.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

So, I have to dance with Mrs. Maggie.

- Mmm.
- But she don't understand

we're only counting up to eight.

She just keep going. Nine, , , .

Yeah, I just go to driving range.

Have no problem.

- Mmm.
- Just a good time.

You want the last one?

- No, no, you have.
- No, I don't want.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

I say I don't want.

Okay, I have.

Mmm.

Why you say you don't
want if you want?

Well, I only want if you don't want.

No, you have.

If you want something, say you want.

Okay, I want the last mandu.

Mmm.

Also, I want you to clear table.

I want you to do laundry.

Okay, okay. You don't have
to say everything you want.

I want you to fix faucet.

I want you to stop.

If all else fails

and we still don't have
the price we want,

we walk away.

No, no, no. We need those sneakers.

You don't understand
Kimchee's collection.

We can't walk away.

No, we don't walk away. We walk away.

Okay, I could tell that you're
hearing a difference, but...

The "walk away" is a
haggling technique.

Remember my mustard
yellow leather jacket?

- It's hard to forget.
- I know.

When I tried it on, I said,
"Mmm, definitely not me."

I just walked away.

The salesman thought
I was leaving, which I was,

and so, bam, he lowered the price.

- So you got a deal?
- Not yet.

I said, "No thank you."

I started to walk away again,

and he gave me an even better price.

So I just told him the truth.

"Sir, this jacket is ugly
and poorly made."

- But you bought the jacket.
- I know.

Some deals you just
can't walk away from.

- Hello.
- SHANNON: Hi.

I'm Shannon.
We emailed about the sneakers.

Right. Right.

Um... Konichiwa.

I'm sorry.
It's the only Oriental I know.

Uh, come on back.

Oh. Yeah, these are perfect.

Ooh, they look like they've been worn.

Well, once or twice.
My son had a growth spurt.

As soon as you drive
a car off the lot,

it loses half its value.

There was a better price on eBay.

LaceOfBase had a good deal.

Hang on. I'll take bucks off.

Sounds good.

Well, I know
you people like a bargain.

"You people"?

Downtowners. We love a bargain. Right?

No, that's not what I meant.

Chinese. You like
pinching your pennies.

Okay, first of all, he's Korean.

JUNG: Uh, was that $ off we said?

And secondly, no pair of sneakers

is worth doing business
with a (WHISPERS) r*cist.

- What?
- Would you excuse us a sec?

Oh, my God.

(WHISPERS)
I can't believe that r*cist.

You were about to lose my shoes.

- But he's a r*cist.
- Okay.

Right now I have a choice of

putting up with this for five minutes,

or dealing with a hostile
roommate for months.

But the things that he's saying.

What do you want me to do?
b*at him up?

He's just ignorant.

- Why are you defending him?
- I'm not.

I just want to take my shoes and go.

(MOUTHING) Fine,
but I'm not comfortable

doing business with a r*cist.

I have no idea what you're saying.

Well, you were right about Umma.

She need a dance partner.

Great. You're gonna love
dancing together.

I'm not dance with her.

- But you just said.
- Janet.

Your Appa is very brave.

You remember the time
I eat chicken wing?

Cool Hand Luke only eat .

- I think he ate eggs.
- Yeah.

Baby chicken.

- I eat a full-grown chicken.
- Wings.

Whose hand is cooler now, huh?
(BLOWING)

What does this have
to do with dancing?

I have so much courage.

But dance in front of
people make me nervous.

Just do it for her.

Or I can take her golfing.

- Problem solved.
- Appa.

And a very nice dinner.

Appa, go to the class.

If you're nervous I can help you.

I got some moves.

Janet, you're a very good daughter,

but worst dancer in the whole family.

So you're gonna go with her?

Okay. Okay. If you stop doing that.

Oh, what, this?

- No, other one.
- This one?

(STAMMERS) No, like this.

Yeah, that's not a move I make.

With the face... (GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLING) What is that?

Yep, all good.

Hey, you're feeling better,
sweetheart?

Yep.

Must be that time of the month.

Excuse me?

Oh, come on. Give us a smile.
You'd be pretty if you smiled.

"Pretty" is not exactly
what I'm going for right now.

Well, mission accomplished.

Okay, you know what?
We're not buying these shoes.

Let's go.

- Oh, come on.
- Not interested.

You're right. It's not worth it.

- But you said...
- KELLY: Okay, okay.

- I'll take $ off.
- We said no.

I'm proud of us.
We're being the change.

Exactly.

Forty bucks.

Got to play to our better angels.

- Yep.
- KELLY: Fifty.

Cha-Cha one. Step. Step.

Side to side one. Forward.

- And remember...
- Forward. Back.

...the secret to the cha-cha...

Yeah, remember.

...is this place right here.
Your heart.

- Forward. Back.
- Forward.

- Cha-Cha. Side one. Back.
- Side. Cha-Cha.

Forward. Cha-Cha side one.

Okay, nothing to see here.

- Cha-Cha one...
- (GROANS)

No, keep going. You were looking good.

- Okay, don't joke.
- Who's joking?

Dancing takes time,
practice and a lot of courage.

It was the hardest thing

to teach Ginger next to shake a paw.

(SIGHS)

Because I was thinking, you know,

maybe by learn,

I can surprise Mrs. Kim
at that dance class.

That is the most romantic
thing you've ever said to me.

- Now, show me what you've got.
- No.

Come on, it's me, Mr. Chin.
I understand. I'll be gentle.

- (SIGHS DEEPLY)
- Five, six, seven, eight.

Forward, back. Side...

- (THUDS)
- (GROANS)

I always forget.

Forward, back, side, I don't know.

These are too many step.

Keep it simple.

Instead of forward, back, side,

try, uh, bread, milk,

gum, go to chip, pickle, chip.

Go to bread.

Milk. Gum.

Go to chip. Pickle, chip.

- Go to bread, milk, gum.
- Go to bread, milk, gum.

Go to chip, pickle, chip.

- Go to milk, bread, gum.
- Bread, gum.

- Go to chip...
- Go to chip...

- Maybe I come back later.
- APPA: No, we just, uh...

Go on. I want you to
finish that sentence.

What did it look like?

- You really want to know?
- Okay, we stop.

(EXHALES)

You think you can do better? Prove it.

RANISHA: I could dance
circles around both of you

with my hands tied,

my eyes blindfolded and a broke foot.

Okay, okay. Here's you Scratch & Win.

Freebie?

You say nothing. You pay nothing.

This better be a winner.

(BELL JINGLES)

- Hi.
- Hi.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Uh...

- What are you doing here?
- I come to dance.

- What?
- Shall we?

Oh, no, you don't have to do that.

Mmm. I want to do that.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Okay.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

- This way. Yeah. Yeah.
- Huh?

- You're not moving.
- You're not moving.

That's because
you're supposed to lead.

Oh. Yeah. Okay.

Bread, milk, gum.

Go to chip. Pickle. Chip.

- What are you saying?
- Stop talking.

Bread. Milk. Gum. Go to chip.

- Pickle...
- Why are you counting food?

Sorry. Sorry.
Yeah, okay. We start again.

- Oh, no, no, no...
- Come on, it's okay. Bread...

Yobo, yobo.
It's okay. It's okay. Yobo...

Yobo... Why are you here?

You want me here.

You just sad and lonely
on a prom night.

- (SCOFFS) Who said that?
- Janet.

She say I say that?

She say you say
you don't want me here,

but you really want
a present for your birthday.

Yeah, she's right.

No, no, she say you want me
come dancing with you.

Why all of a sudden
you listening to her?

Every time I ask, "Come dancing..."

- (SIGHS DEEPLY)
- ...you make that sound.

I don't wanna dance with someone

who make that sound.

I don't want to make that sound.

I love you and I love to dance.

But I don't love to dance with you.

I love watching you dance.

And you love golf.

Yeah. You want to come
golfing with me?

- (SIGHS)
- See?

Now you make that sound.

I don't want to golf,
you don't want to dance.

So there's no problem.

Maybe the only problem is Janet.

Yeah, she get you to dance.

Mmm. And Mr. Chin helped.

Also, I stepped on lots of bread.

You have to order more.

- These are amazing.
- Hey, I got my hook-ups.

Best knockoffs I've ever seen.

Those are not knockoffs.

They're great quality.

But the stitching's off,
tread pattern is wrong,

and I'm pretty sure "Air Jorgen"

never played in the NBA.

Are you kidding me?

- How much you paid? Fifty?
- (SIGHS)

Sixty? Not more than .

- No.
- You did, didn't you?

Bring it in!

And I can still totally use these.

To work, to wear to play ball in,

to wear in public washrooms.

You know what, I'll replace them.

I said I'd do it and I'll do it.

It's okay.

New pair comes out Friday.

But you're gonna
wanna be in line by Wednesday.

I'll bring my thermos.

Oh, no liquids. Trust me.

(BELL JINGLES)

So, how did it go last night?

(APPA SIGHS)

Janet, you're never right.
Talk to Umma. (SCOFFS)

Okay, I take it
dancing didn't go well?

Of course dancing didn't go well.

Appa is terrible dancer.

APPA: Janet is still worse!

Thanks, Appa!

You said you wanted a dance partner.

I do. Just not Appa.

We spend whole life together.

We work together, we eat together.

We need apart time.

A part time what?

Apart time. Time apart.

It'd give us something to talk about.

Yeah.

You can't miss each other
if you're always together.

- Okay, I go.
- Mmm.

- Miss me.
- I will.

- Miss me, too.
- APPA: No.

- (DOOR OPENS)
- (BELL JINGLES)

Hey, so, did Kimchee like the shoes?

He loved them. Thank you.

Oh, I didn't do anything.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I mean, I did find them,
negotiate, drive you there,

and teach you the whole "walk away,"

which is kind of my signature move.

I owe you a thank you lunch.

Okay, let's do it.

There it is. The "walk away" jacket.

The one and only.

You know, it's really
just the colour that's ugly.

All I see is a good deal.

Oh, sweetie, look at that.
You put it on all by yourself.

(CHUCKLES)
And if I need my laundry done,

I know which one
of you Orientals to ask.

What was that?

Oh. I know what it sounded like,

(CHUCKLES) but it's
actually a funny story.

Unacceptable.

Jung, come on.

Racism is not funny.

I know that more than anyone.

Well, maybe not anyone, but I know.

- Not cool.
- Definitely not cool.

Dope jacket, though.

SHANNON: Jung, I'm gonna get fired.

Ah.

Oh.

Janet, why you still here?
You should go home.

- I was gonna watch a movie.
- Here?

Yeah, I just made popcorn.
Wanna watch?

Oh. Uh...

Maybe other time. Hmm?

Janet, after apart time
is together time. Hmm?

Yeah, Umma told me you guys
talk about what you did.

It's sweet.

Yeah, very sweet.

UMMA: What's taking so long.
You doing stretch?

Oh.

APPA: Yeah.

Together time gonna be
very together time.

- Bye, Appa.
- Bye, Janet.

UMMA: Do I smell popcorn?

- Oh. Hi, Janet.
- JANET: Bye, Umma.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

APPA: (WHISPERS) Stretch. Stretch.

UMMA: Yobo, don't forget cigarette.