02x12 - Appa's First Text

[bunniefuu]

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

Here.

You give to me your phone?

Yeah, I got an upgrade.

I already have a phone.

This is a smartphone.

Hmm. And this is a smartbelt.

Phone, radio, pager. Everything I need.

How can you still need a pager?

That's how Umma find me when I out.

But wouldn't it be cool

to check Jays scores on your phone?

That's what the radio is for.

We could FaceTime.

I don't need to see you face
when you not working in store.

And can a smartphone keep
a pants from falling down?

- No, but it can do this.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

When did South Korea become a country?

SMART PHONE VOICE:
The Republic of Korea

celebrated its first
National Day of Independence

on August th, .

Okay, give to me your phone.

Hmm. Thank you for old smartphone.

And for you, old smartbelt.

Hmm? Retro cool.

Maybe add a few notch, huh?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Who invent Korea alphabet?

Hello?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

UMMA: Oh.

Remember to get Pokemon-GX.

- It's "GX" not "DX."
- Yeah.

Use voice memo in new
phone or you forget.

I don't need voice memo. I remember.

Then how come you don't remember

how to use a voice memo?

I know how to use a voice memo.

I just choose brain over technology.

One day, when robot take over,
you thank me.

After you thank robot.

- (SIGHS)
- (DOOR BELL RINGS)

(METALLIC CLATTERING)

(CHOMPING)

(RUMMAGING)

(GROWLING)

(BARKING)

Oh!

I thought you was raccoon.

Out. Out. Out. Out.

Out!

No, out.

Out. Out.

(BARKING)

Is that your dog?

Nope.

(PANTING)

(EXHALES)

We should go to the
Golden Rabbit tonight.

I don't like dim sum.

The women with the carts there,

they always make me feel like

I don't know what I'm ordering.

Also, I don't know what I'm ordering.

Plus, everyone from school goes there.

Fine, then we can do pizza.

See, I can't.

- I'm going to Dree's gallery opening.
- Why?

GERALD: We're friends.

We have a couple of classes together.

I'm in those classes, too.
Why wasn't I invited?

You don't even like her.

You always say she's pretentious.

DREE: Thank you so much.

Wait. Maybe I was invited.

New phone. (CHUCKLES)

Sometimes it takes a few days

for it to get all sorted with
the networks and data.

Phone jet lag.

I can just ask her.

- Hey, Dree!
- No, don't.

Oh. I'll see you later.

Hey, G. You should come early tonight.

I think it's gonna be busy.

I'm super stoked.

Congratulations.

It's super cool that
you have a solo show.

You're so young.

I guess.

Annie Leibovitz was

when she was the chief
photographer at Rolling Stone.

And that was a different time.
The ' s.

But you know, the ' s
were a different time.

The past.

Cool. Um, do you go to OCAD?

Yeah, I was just in class with you.

GERALD: She's my roommate.

And good friend.

Friend roommate sort of thing.

I'm Janet. Just hanging tonight.

- Go where the wind takes me.
- DREE: Sweet.

Uh, I gotta get going.

You know, I wanna get a big chill-in

before I have to be on all night.

Introvert problems, am I right?

- Exactly.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

Totally.

- Uh, okay, I'll see you.
- See you.

Well, I tried.

Yeah, maybe try less
next time. A little less.

Dude, my mouth
still tastes like lychee.

Oh. My mouth still
tastes like Lady Danger.

It's that lipstick
that girl Sabrina was wearing.

- How do you know?
- I always ask.

There it is.

KIMCHEE: Cinderella story.

Except, at midnight
my willpower tanked.

Dude, you fail as my
late-night binge sponsor.

KIMCHEE: It is too dangerous

getting in-between
drunk Jung and the samosas.

(CHUCKLES) Those were tasty.

That was a good call from...

What's-her-name, the bass player.

- Oh, super hot bass player?
- Yeah.

- You should totally call her.
- Definitely.

Definitely.

You didn't get her number?

I gave her my number.

And then, that guy
fell off the speaker,

and then, I had to go, and...

The next thing was samosas.

- That's too bad. She was cool.
- (EXHALES)

And hot!

She'll call.

Why are you always so sure of yourself?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

That's why.

It's Janet.

Yup.

(SIGHING) What's up?

Wanna do dim sum tonight?

Uh, Kimchee and I are watching
Pirates of the Caribbean.

You've planned to do that?

Isn't it something that just happens?

You can come over if you want.

Ugh. I hate those movies.

Another time then.

I'll bring snacks.

Didn't you just say
you hated those movies?

I do, but I can hate-watch.

Love sarcastic comments
all the way through a movie.

That's the spirit.

SMART PHONE VOICE:
The annexation of Korea

by Japan was set up in the
Japan-Korea Treaty of .

No! They att*ck Korea.

Looking up taquerias in your area.

No, I talking Japan.

Mi Casa Taqueria,
Bloor Street West.

Stop.

Taco Taco, Carlton Street.

Stop.

That blasted taqueria.
It's taken away my business.

And with what?

Bits of fish wrapped in corn paper,

drowned in mayonnaise.

Argh. Now I'm on the podcast.
What's a podcast?

- New phone?
- New old phone.

Give to me your number.

That's a little forward, but okay.

Finally, a smartphone.

I have so many GIFs to send you.

I already see Kermit
drinking tea. (CHUCKLES)

Your son's number is in here.

What?

APPA: Hmm.

Yeah, must be from, uh, Janet.

Yeah, I clean up contact later.

Hmm.

(DOG BARKING)

Street creature. k*ll it.

It's just a stinky dog.

- My instruction stands.
- APPA: Yeah.

I thought you get rid of.

I try.

I don't understand this
North American pet obsession.

Dogs should remain outside
where they can run wild,

eat garbage,

and copulate behind
my restaurant, apparently.

Other day, I see
a dog in a baby stroller

and the baby on a leash.

Don't give me your puppy-dog eye.

It not work.

Yeah, it's true.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

- Happy birthday!
- (DOG BARKING)

Not my birthday.

Late present.
You want dog when you was .

- Hi, Mrs. Kim.
- UMMA: Oh, hi, Ms. Shannon.

Whose dog is this?

Sorry, my Umma just brought it in.

Well, this is no place for a dog,

because I am going to gobble
this little love monster up.

Aw! What's his or her name?

Uh, Carol.

Oh, is she a rescue?

I don't know. I just find in store.

Now Jung take and I go wholesale.

Uh, no, Umma, no way.

Then what I do? So busy today.

SHANNON: Oh, who's a good girl

who needs cuddles
to feel better about herself?

And who's gonna give me those cuddles?

You can take her to the shelter,

but if she doesn't get adopted
in the first few days,

they'll take care of her.

Can't you just, uh, take care of her?

No, "take care" means put down.

Okay.

- Like, to sleep.
- Okay.

- Like, forever.
- Yeah, I know what "take care" is.

Well, I'm not "taking care" of her.

- Well, I'll take care of her.
- Yeah?

Well, I mean, the cats won't be happy,

but, you know, par for the course

for those two little grumps.

- Okay, so you take care.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

Okay, bye.

Who's gonna get
their own Instagram account?

I am.

And Carol will be heavily featured.

Won't you, Carol?

(DOG BARKING)

- It's gotta be her.
- Yeah.

Looks like a hot girl's number.

Lot of eights.

Back on track.

Whoa!

She made the first move.

She called, didn't text,
didn't leave a voice mail.

She's a pro.

How you respond
sets up the whole dynamic.

I'm calling her.

You know who calls girls
in the middle of the day?

Sweatpants guy
eating a Pop-Tart, untoasted.

Don't be that guy.

Yeah, but she called me.

Trust me. Just text her.

E-communication is my forte.

One question, one neutral statement,

and one panda emoticon equals date.

How are you?

Just at work.

- Panda emoticon.
- All right. Send.

You gotta wait at least an hour.

Fine.

(TEXT SENT NOTIFICATION)

Okay, I can't guarantee
results if you don't listen.

Dude, I know how to talk to girls.

You didn't get her name,
number, or lipstick color.

The problem is, these cyclists
have too much power.

You can't touch them. Not even a nudge.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

I do enjoy watching the cyclists

on the Olympics, though.

The legs on those athletes
is astounding.

Enormous meat pistons. _

If someone text send you
a panda message,

what's that mean?

Who sent you a panda?

Uh, nobody.

Just thinking about
sending one to Mrs. Kim.

Sounds fun.

Send one from me
if it's not inappropriate.

Yeah.

(TEXT SENT NOTIFICATION)

- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Hey, she said, "Good."

"Good"? Who says just "good"?

Cool bass players playing it cool.

You gotta be careful here.

She called, you didn't pick up...

"I'm glad you're good."

She's trying to maintain power.

- No!
- (TEXT SENT NOTIFICATION)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

Look like she have fun last night.

Huh. Have trouble
getting to work this morning.

- Why?
- I don't know.

- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- "Why?"

Uh...

- "Probably the Boilermakers."
- That's good.

- (CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
- What's a bowling maker?

What?

- Uh, boiling marker?
- Let me see.

- Uh... No.
- Jung?

You're texting with Jung.

A Boilermaker is a drink.

A sh*t glass of whiskey
plunged into a beer.

Delicious and quite debilitating.

Like Poktanju, in Korea.

- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Hey.

What's a Poktanju?

She wants to poke
your tanned juju, dude.

Yeah, or bad auto-correct.

Can I...

"...see you tonight?"

I'm gobsmacked.

- (CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
- (GASPS)

"How about we meet back at the Exodus?"

Sounds like a club.

A club for what?

For dancing and reconciliation.

Say yes.

- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Okay.

Okay.

Um... Can I pay for this now?
Or are you still texting?

Oh, hi, there. Um...
Have you... Can I...

Are you okay?

I've lost my Zuri.

What is Zuri?

- My baby. My dog.
- (GASPS)

You lose both?

Just my dog.

(SNIFFLING) He's my furry angel.

He's my best friend.

Dog is dog. All the same.

Maybe you find, maybe you don't.

Just get new one.

I can't replace my Zuri.

- Carol.
- What?

- You pay $ for that?
- He's worth every penny.

Will you put a poster up?

Don't worry. I think we find your dog.

- I hope so.
- Oh, I know so.

(CELL PHONE DIALING)

Yeobo. I'm going out now.

- Yeah. No problem.
- (LINE TRILLING)

With Mr. Mehta.

Okay, go.

Ms. Shannon?

Uh... You still have Carol?
How is she doing?

I couldn't decide between salty

and extra salty, so I brought both.

- Cool.
- Mmm-hmm.

- Where are you going?
- I've got a date.

You're bailing on me?

Not just on you. On Kimchee, too.

- Later, dude.
- Bye, buddy!

(DOOR CLOSING)

Janet Kim, with the snacks.

Kimchee, with the DVD?

Blu-ray.

Dubbed in three languages
if you want to hear

(IN FRENCH ACCENT) French Jack Sparrow.

(NORMAL VOICE) I'm sensing a hard no.

Don't even want to watch that movie.

Then why did you come over to watch it?

I had nothing better to do.

You sure know how to
make a guy feel cool.

That's not what I meant.

Gerald was invited to this art party,

and I wasn't.

Oh. The old case of the FOMOs.

Fear of missing out.

Yeah, I got that, Blu-ray.

Blu-ray? I'm gonna rock that nickname.

So what's so special
about this art party?

It's this girl from
school's first solo show.

Lame.

There's free wine and hors d'oeuvres.

Did you really want
to get all dressed up

so you could look at art
and sip wine and cheese?

You can't sip cheese.

You've obviously never tried Velveeta.

That's a sippin' cheese.

Wanna not watch the
movie and get dim sum?

Wait here, I'll get my eating pants on.

(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoa, whoa. Easy.

I'm here to see my son.

That's nice. Back of the line.

His name is Jung.

That's nice. Back of the line, please.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- KIMCHEE: That's a good idea.
- Yeah.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

- Rose?
- No, thanks.

This is exactly
what I wanted to do tonight.

Liar.

You wanted to mingle with emo artists.

(MOCK SOPHISTICATED VOICE)
Ooh, excuse me, ma'am,

would you say you are
more artsy or fartsy?

(MOCK SOPHISTICATED VOICE)
Sixty-forty split in favor of artsy.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(NORMAL VOICE) But seriously,
I woke up craving dim sum.

(NORMAL VOICE) Then I guess

it all worked out on Planet Janet.

You haven't called me
that since I was a kid.

When you had a
planet-sized crush on me?

Oh, so we're still on that?

When were we off it?
Maybe I should buy you a rose.

I was .

Was it my earring that did it for you?

Or maybe the Axe body spray.

Or the fact that you
let me out of cupboards

that Jung locked me into.

What can I say?

- I'm a nice guy.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

And that's where your Umma
hid the good cookies.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

How do I get to second floor?

What?

Second floor!

Oh.

Can you get me up there?

Where?

Second floor.

I don't know.

Would this help me out?

Yeah, okay, it's that way.

Cool. Thanks.

Appa?

Jung.

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

What took you so long?

Oh, it was so hard

getting this little girl
out of the house.

I forgot her treats,

then I realized I forgot the poo bags,

then I had a quick cry.

Okay, well, I call you later

and tell you all about big reunion.

Oh, I can wait.

My cats are fed and
completely traumatized,

so they'll be sleeping for a while.

Owner is coming later.
Tonight is work night, no?

I guess I do have an early start.

Maybe it's best to
say goodbye this way.

Less drama.

Yeah, much better.

DOG OWNER: Zuri!

(LAUGHING)

Where did you find him?

Him? Oh, dear.

Okay, Ms. Shannon. See you later.

Oh, oh, oh.
I have something for you both.

Gosh, I'm so grateful.

SHANNON: Oh, that is
totally unnecessary.

The reward was spending time

with this little ball of fluff.

But the work was finding
and calling you for return.

We're just happy
you have your dog back.

DOG OWNER: Oh, well, if you're sure.

% sure.

Okay, great!
All right. Thank you again.

Come on. Come on.

SHANNON: Oh!

So good, right?

Yeah. So good.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Just go over and say hi.

Why would I do that?

Because then I don't have to be

sitting across from someone
who is completely distracted.

Sorry. I'll stop looking.

Isn't the art world about networking?

Yeah, but I'm not big on small talk.

You just have to ask people
about themselves.

"Hey, how was the show?

"Where'd you get the dumb hat?
Do you have any siblings?"

I think she's an only child.

Does she know you know that?

- I hope not.
- Just go.

- Yeah?
- You got this.

DREE: You see all that
negative perspective.

It's like it's
creeping in on... (LAUGHS)

Hey, Dree.

Oh, G's friend.

Janet, yeah. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Just wanted to see
how the opening went.

Oh, cool.

So, um, how did it go?

It was pretty sweet.

Great. Well, congrats again.

Thanks! Uh...

Do you and your date want to join us

for a drink or something?

Oh, no, that's not a date. At all.

He's just my brother's friend.

Oh, um, is he an artist?

(LAUGHS) No.

Don't even think he knows what art is.

Like I say, he's my brother's roommate.

Kind of single, wanted shumai...

Cool.

I better, like, get back to that guy.

Bon appetit.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

- Gerald.
- Oh, hey.

I made it after all.

So you're okay with this place
when Dree is here,

but not when I ask.

Kind of two-faced.

I'm probably not
going to eat that much.

I'm out. We're all paid up.

Oh, you didn't have to pay for me.

Right. Because I'm your
brother's friend.

Kind of single, desperate.

Oh, Kimchee, I...

You know what, it's totally cool.

I'm just gonna go home
and try to learn what art is.

Well, it's kind of subjective...

I know. It was a stupid...

Hey, when you take a picture,
do you just press the button,

or is there like a bunch of
elves inside the camera?

- (SIGHS)
- (CHUCKLES)

Oh, I guess that was pointed.

I don't even know what art is!

Sure you don't want to sit with us?

I have to go.

No. I don't...

Oh.

Sorry.

- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (PEOPLE SHOUTING)

So, nice place.

Uh... Yeah, but what are you doing...

BARTENDER: What can I get you?

Oh, two Poktanju.

What?

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Uh...

Boilermaker. Two please.

- Poktanju.
- What?

I just didn't know that it was
something you'd be into.

You tell me you drink Boilermaker.

Yeah. Sometimes.

Okay.

This isn't Poktanju.
It's good, but not Poktanju.

(SIGHS)

So the Jays, huh? Not the best season.

Yeah.

They can't make playoff
when so many pitcher get hurt.

Yeah. Definitely
a rebuild in the offseason.

Yeah. Definitely.

Excuse me, do you have soju
for a soju b*mb?

- Yeah.
- Can I get two, please?

You got it.

Appa, I got it.

It's okay. I have lots of money.

$ . .

Yeah. This is just tip.
My son pay for this.

JUNG: Thanks.

APPA: Uh...

Geonbae.

Geonbae.

Hey.

If you're here for your snacks,

I already ate them all.

How? You were one
streetcar ahead of me.

Now you're going to criticize
how quickly I eat snacks?

No, I just...
I was a huge jerk tonight.

Agreed.

I'm sorry.

Will you accept this buddy rose?

So you're asking me to be your friend?

Yeah, kind of a new phase
for Planet Janet and Blu-ray.

Sure.

There's bugs in it.

It was the best one he had.

Yo.

Tell me you at least
got her lipstick color.

I don't want to know what that means.

You going to see her again?

Yeah. I think I will.

All right, Pirates of the Caribbean.

Director's cut, with commentary,

and alternate endings.

Didn't you just watch the movie?

- I wish.
- I'm in.

Sorry, I'm not that good of a friend.

Have fun.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)