03x05 - Army Spoon

[bunniefuu]

Okay, I hope I have everything.

So, it's a salsa, chips, uh...
napkins. Okay. Two-ply.

Maybe medium salsa is too spicy?

You want to use Express Check-out?

Yes, please.

- You have Express Check-out?
- [APPA] Yeah.

Two item or less.

Well, that doesn't seem fair.

- Come through to Express, please.
- Thank you.

I was here first.

- Okay. See you.
- [CASH REGISTER DINGS]

Oh! Come through to Express, please.

I don't have anything yet.

Ah, it's okay.

This seems very arbitrary.

I say two item or less.
She have less than two.

- She has no items.
- Yeah. Less than two.

Mr. Kim, why do you do this to me?

I'm a good person.

This is a convenience store.

You take so long time,
it's inconvenient.

Okay, fine!

Okay, today I will be
a medium salsa person.

Okay.

[WOMAN] So just the milk.

And gum.

Excuse me, okay? But I just need...

Uh-uh-uh... Sorry.

Twelve egg. Back of line.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

So? What do we wear on Thursday?

Are you still not telling me
where we're going?

Wear whatever you want.
It's Blake Tavern.

Gerald! Seriously?

Oh, yeah. There's no dress code.

- Gerald!
- What?

You're going for nachos.
What's the big deal?

Oh, my God. It's a surprise!

[CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY]

So, the Blake. Cool.

It was just where we were
starting the night. Or ending.

- It's your birthday, your call.
- I like the Blake. Really fun.

Great save, Gerald.

Hey, didn't mean to eavesdrop,

but my family has a membership
at the Stonewood Supper Club.

Chelsea, you're bragging again.

[CHUCKLES] No! They should go there.
They can be my guests.

- Really?
- Sweet!

[CHELSEA] When are you thinking?

Thursday. Unless that...

Thursday's great.
I'll make a res. [GIGGLES]

So you'll be joining us?

Thanks. But me
and this guy have plans.

What are we doing?

[GIGGLES] You're funny.

Hey, seriously, what are we doing?
Do you know?

Hey, guys!

Chungalo! [CHUCKLES]

Trying that one out. Didn't look good.

Kimch, ready for
a life-changing experience?

You found my dad?

- Uh, you're traveling to India?
- [JUNG] Even better.

Discount passes to go
skydiving this weekend.

- Boom!
- [SHANNON] Get out!

I would die to skydive this weekend.

Sure, there are risks.
Twenty people die every year.

Some from impact, others
shredded in the propeller,

but, so worth it. So fun.

Look, normally, I'd be all over
jumping out of a moving airplane,

but I got a frisbee game.
Ultimate frisbee.

Come on, man! You just made that up.

Yeah. I would have said
I had a family thing.

Okay, so do you wanna go?

No, I actually do have a family thing.

[SIGHS] Come on, Kimch!
It'll be great.

Jumping out of a plane,
nothing around you but sky!

And planet Earth
is just rushing towards you

and there's this tiny part of you

that doesn't want to pull the cord.

We're definitely gonna pull the cord.

Obvi.

And it sounds like fun, but I
can't let the Ultimate team down.

[SIGHS] All right, man.
You're missing out.

And right when you land,
you scream from your gut

like a warrior who's just slaughtered
her enemies. It's ah-maah-zing.

- [SLURPING]
- [DOORBELL JINGLES]

- Hey, Mr. Kim.
- Gerard?

Janet said I could come by
and grab some snacks?

For apartment?

Well, actually
it's for boardgame night.

Settlers of Catan
with Seafarer expansion.

- [APPA SLURPING LOUDLY]
- Why you do like that? So embarrassing.

I know, but I just don't
see these guys very often.

Oh, hi, Gerald. No, I talking to him.

I hate when he using dirty pig spoon.

Oh, not dirty pig spoon.
Clean army spoon.

It's actually kind of dirty.

Yeah. Been through a lot.
Two year Korean army.

You were in the army?

Yeah. Trained to fight.

And to clean up garbage
at side of road.

- [APPA SIGHS]
- Cool.

Not cool. Very hot. And dangerous.

Always fighting to survive, hmm?

One time, whole platoon
is just so hungry.

Ration finish. No meat. No fruit.
Only gum and mint toothpick.

We'd all left to die.

[UMMA] Yeah, yeah.

You find pig, catch pig, everybody live.
Okay, see you!

So, like I say, giant wild boar...

You weren't saying that.

Running this way and that way
and it's very dangerous, hmm?

So, we slowly surround
big, wild boar and then...

[IMITATING g*nf*re]

Was that Russians? Or Chinese?

Running and chasing
and people still sh**ting,

but, you know, we just so hungry!

And then I see hole in the
ground for army bathroom.

So I jump onto pig and drive
all around and into hole.

Into the latrine?

And then at the last second,
I jump off!

- That's amazing!
- Not finished yet!

Pig still in hole.

So I get a rope, like a cowboy, and I

catch a big wild boar, and then...

Don't say you ate it.

With this spoon.

[SLURPS LOUDLY]

That's incredible.
Also, kind of disgusting.

That's hard Korea army life.

Actually, this is kind of perfect.

Do you mind if I take a picture?

Why?

It's not every day you hear
a w*r story first-hand.

Not so much a w*r story,
more like a army story.

Well, I have a photo essay due, and
I just met a genuine w*r hero.

Gerald, you know that the Korea
w*r is finish in , right?

Thanks to people like you, Mr. Kim.

[SIGHS] Okay.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[LAUGHTER]

I know! Mr. Sherman's a great
teacher, but then he's like,

"Janet, I know you hate me.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I just want to let you know
I'm having a showing.

I want you to come, so my
mother thinks I'm popular.

And open to diversity."

Oh, my God. That is so him!

That's hilarious. You
guys want another bottle?

I think I'm good.

Yeah. I should
probably switch to coffee.

Do you have any tea?

Yeah. I'll bring the box over
and you can check it out.

I would love to check out your box.

- [LAUGHING]
- Yeah. Sure.

- Do you think I offended her?
- What? No.

- It was funny.
- I mean, she was a bit...

- Right?
- [SEMIRA] It was nothing.

And if she can't take a joke, F it.

There's just a power
imbalance, you know?

- Oh, 'cause she's black?
- No!

Because I'm a customer,
and she's a server.

I think you're overthinking it.

And she was practically begging
you to make that joke. F it.

Someone was asking about tea?

Her.

Yeah. Thanks.
Um, where's the other server?

She had to go.

Oh, my God.

Why don't I leave the basket?
You can make your choice.

[SLURPS]

Where you going?

Buying Gerald present
for photo showcase.

We already get him something. My face.

And the story
with the pig and the spoon.

He get into big downtown exhibit.

Then take a bottle of wine from
upstair we get for Christmas.

Yobo, that's a fancy bottle. This is

Gerald. He eat mayonnaise sandwich.

Get a mini-fridge size, huh.
He can't handle regular one.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

[MAN] Hi, I'm looking for a Mrs. Kim.

Yeah, that's me.

Your son's been in an accident.

[GASPS] Oh, my God! Okay, I'm coming!

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

I didn't tell you where to go.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, tell me where to go!

[ENGINE STARTS]

Hi. Looking for my son.
Somebody call me.

Someone say is emergency.
My son have accident!

Don't worry. Your son was lucky.

Kimchee?

Hi, Ajuma.

Why you call me? He's not my son.

Well, you're his emergency contact.

Plus, he has signs of a concussion.

From frisbee?

Technically, it's a disc.

And he took one right in the head.
Hammer throw.

So, you call me
because he can't catch frisbee?

Again... disc. They're pretty heavy.

- Can I release him to you?
- Yeah, yeah.

Hard to believe all
this just because of...

Please don't say it.

- Frisbee.
- [KIMCHEE EXHALES]

- Hi.
- Hi.

I was here the other night,

and I just came to thank our
server for her great service.

Do you remember your server's name?

Oh, actually, that's her there.
Can I just go over and...

- Of course.
- Thanks.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I don't know if you remember,
but I was here the other night

celebrating a birthday
with some friends.

Okay.

Anyway, you were great, and at the end

of the night, you offered more wine.

- I asked about tea...
- Sorry, when was this?

- Thursday.
- I didn't work Thursday.

Remember? The whole tea-box thing.

Totally dumb, and I get that it was
maybe a little bit harrassy...

No, I have a night class Thursday.

You might be mixing me up with...

Oh, my God.

Alicia, someone wants to talk to you.

Who?

Why I am your emergency contact?

You're like the closest thing
to family I have here.

- What about your own mummy?
- She's in Calgary.

[UMMA SIGHS]

Can I have another pillow?
For my foot?

Whoo! You missed an awesome time, Kim!

You gotta "dive to feel alive," man.

- Jung?
- Umma?

What diving awesome time?

Uh...

In a pool.

I learned to dive in a
swimming pool and felt alive.

- Oh.
- So that's good.

What happened to you?

Ugh. Kimchee get hit in head
by toy frisbee disc.

Just "disc." And the girl
who threw it was a beast.

Okay, have to go. You look after.

And the next time, make Jung
emergency contact, huh?

My mum's your emergency contact?

Yeah. Can you believe? Sorry, Kimchee.

Already I am so busy being emergency

contact for Appa and Janet and Jung.

[SARCASTICALLY] Yeah. Totally.

Why you say like that?

I'm just saying it
the way that anyone would.

Jung, who is your emergency contact?

Uh... Janet.

[GASPS] Janet?

Tiny-arm Janet?

Your arms are
pretty small, too, Ajuma.

What is Janet going to do? Flag
down ambulance with her tiny arms?

Hey, listen, you're a great Umma.

It's just, in certain
emergency situations...

[UMMA SIGHS]

Okay, remember when the trashcan
in the store caught on fire?

Yeah. I didn't do that!

Yeah. But then you panicked, threw
the trashcan in the dumpster,

then the dumpster caught on fire.

What I'm supposed to do with
trashcan on fire? Throw on street?

Then maybe whole street catch on fire.

Okay, calm down...

You calm down. I save store from fire.

I save Kimchee from frisbee disk.

- Not really.
- I helping everyone!

And it's all great.

Good luck next time you go diving
at the pool. Hope you don't drown.

[BOTH EXHALE]

Good thing you didn't tell her
about the skydiving.

You go skydiving?

I swear I heard the door close.

[APPA] Wow! Look! So big.
So exciting, huh?

Not every day your husband
have a big exhibit.

Gerald have big exhibit.

Without me there is no story.

No story, no downtown big exhibit.

Oh! I look terrible.

[SCOFFS] That's not you.
There, that's you.

Wow!

Look how strong I look, huh?
Oh! "Army survivor."

Yeah. "Escape danger." [CHUCKLES]

Yobo, if something happen to you,
who you put down for contact?

What?

If you get hurt, I am
your emergency contact, right?

Yeah. Totally.

Why you say like that?

Uh... I just say
like everyone else say.

Oh, thank you. [CLEARS THROAT]

Yobo, am I your emergency contact?

Uh...

No. Janet is.

Why is Janet everybody
emergency contact?

Oh, she not. I her emergency contact.

So I'm nobody emergency contact?

You tell me, you have Kimchee.

Next time big fat pig chase
you down hole, don't call me.

No. I call Janet.

Oh.

- But it's fine, right?
- Easy mistake.

And it's not because they were both
black. They looked a lot alike.

And how many times have I been
mistaken for a different Asian girl?

How many?

Well, it's not how many times,

it's that you get mistaken
because of your skin color.

Didn't you just say
that wasn't the reason?

Oh, my God. I'm a r*cist.

Yeah, maybe a little bit.

I can't believe I made
a white-guy mistake.

Asian girl, white
guy, not so different

anymore. Your privilege
is on the rise.

And,

how bad is it to say you want
to check out a woman's box?

I should go back and apologize.

And then sign up
for some sensitivity training.

Yeah. "MeToo", Janet.

Why, what'd you do?

[MAN] Sir.

Thank you for your service.

You welcome.

Why he say like that?

Because it say
you is "Korean w*r Hero."

What you tell Gerald?

Nothing. I just tell him pig story.

All these people think
you is Korean w*r hero.

And years old.

Hey, you guys made it.

Gerald, why you write all this?

I don't know, just telling your story.

How old you think he is?

Oh, Mrs. Kim, don't worry, the
camera adds years. You look great.

No, but this is just pig story.

So modest.

And, hey, check this out.

[APPA] Second place?

Oh, congratulation! For you.

Hey, thanks.

My mom used to
drink these all the time.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm looking for
one of your servers, Alicia.

There are actually
two servers named Alicia.

Well, um, she's about this high,
has cool braids in her hair.

- Dark skin?
- You said it, not me.

I don't know if she's come in yet.

Janet?

Oh, hey! Chelsea.

- This is Janet, my other roommate.
- Hi.

This is my friend, Sarah.
What brings you here?

Just had such a good time
the other night,

wanted to thank our server.

Wow. We've never done that.

You're gonna make us look bad.

Hi. Chelsea Chettiar. Well,
we're just going to grab lunch.

- Great to see you.
- Mmm-hmm.

I'm sorry, Ms. Chettiar, but there's
a flag on your file here...

It seems that your membership
has been recently suspended.

[CHELSEA] Um...

[DOORBELL JINGLES]

Hi.

Hi, Mr. Kim.

Recognize these guys?

No.

Fellow Korean w*r vets. The
donation sparked some interest.

What donation?

The prize money. From the exhibit.

I thought it only fitting to donate

to the association on your behalf.

Yeah, thanks.

Thought I'd get a picture of
all the brothers in arms.

[UNZIPS BAG]

Yeah.

[CHELSEA] When was this?

Just a few days ago.
I'm looking into it right now.

[CHELSEA SIGHS]

I can explain.

When I was here the other night,

I made a stupid joke about checking
out the server's box of teas.

But I just said "box", as in her...

And, I don't know why I said that.

Or why the word "box" means,
you know...

Why is it even a term for that?

And, anyway, the server
was offended, obviously,

and when I came back to apologize,

I mistook her for another, um, server,

making an unintentional
other kind of mistake,

which is also unacceptable and that's

why your membership's been suspended.

I'm sorry.

Um. Okay.

And here's Alicia.

[ALICIA] Hi.

Hi. This is for you.

It's a tip for Thursday night.
Birthday party with my friends.

- Tea box.
- Yeah, I felt sick.

Me, too. I felt sick
thinking about what I said.

No, I had some kind of flu bug.
But what did you say?

She wanted to check out your box.

[LAUGHS] Oh, because of the tea?
That's hilarious. Wow!

This is very generous. Thank you.

Well, sure.

[HOST] Thanks.

It seems your family's payment
went to the wrong account,

so the suspension has now been lifted.

We're so sorry about the mix-up.

No problem. That's great to hear.

Janet, you sure you don't wanna join?

[CAMERA CLICKING]

Okay, now, everyone,
hold up your spoons.

- [APPA CLEARS THROAT]
- [CAMERA CLICKING]

Yours is a lot shinier than mine.

You look very well-preserved.

Thank you.

I still got some shrapnel in my
thigh from a firefight at Kapyong.

Mr. Kim, tell them your pig story.

I don't think so.

[VETERAN ] Too painful?

We all carry those stories
that still haunt us,

keep us awake at night.

Okay. Uh...

Maybe little misunderstanding, huh?

I was in Korean army.
Not in Korean w*r.

You're a deserter.

No. I was born
after Korean w*r is finish.

I have spoon, but Gerald,
he just such a confused boy

and make such a silly mistake
thinking I'm in w*r.

[STAMMERS] But I thought...

You think wrong.

So you're not a real veteran?

No.

But the cheque is real, right?

I mean, that one isn't, but the
regular-sized one is good to go.

All right, let's take this picture.

- Not you.
- Okay.

Ah, look at you, walking around.

Well, I had really good care.

Just want to bring you something.

Oh. Thanks, Ajuma.

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

[IN ENGLISH] Okay.

Oh, Ajuma, this is my dad's auntie.

Gomo, this is Mrs. Kim
who I was telling you about.

[BOTH SPEAKING KOREAN]

Okay. Bye, Gomo. Okay.

[UMMA SPEAKING KOREAN]

So, she is helping you now?

Yeah, well, what you said the other

day about family really got to me.

I realized I hadn't seen anyone on
my dad's side since I was a kid.

So, as far as this whole emergency

contact thing goes,
you're off the hook.

Yeah, okay.
But, still, can you trust her?

Like you say, you don't see
her since you was a kid.

Yeah, well, that was like more on me.

And so slow to get
to hospital on bicycle.

Yeah. Maybe I need
two emergency contacts.

Good idea. And put me down first.

Sure. You want some?

- She make?
- Yeah!

No.

So?

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

And that moment you jump out, you
think you're not gonna do it,

but then you just go for it.

Oh, my God, that moment, so crazy.

Well, I got hit in the head with a disk.
That was also crazy.

And did you go solo or tandem?

Solo.

And European or smoke-jumper style?

Uh...

Either way. It's life-changing.
But you already know that.

- I'm gonna go jump on some calls.
- [JUNG CHUCKLES]

Without a parachute.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[SIGHS] I never did it.

I mean, I went but I never jumped.

It was a lot higher than I thought.

So, I just flew back down
with the pilot.

So what did the pilot say?

Nothing. Super-quiet ride.

He must have been disappointed.

She.

Ouch.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]