03x11 - Appanticitis

[bunniefuu]

Janet, look.

- [JANET] Cool.
- Not cool, dangerous.

Every day he do like this.

One day, he knock over chip.

Other day, he almost hit Mr. Chin.

Funny, but they're dangerous.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I think you're overreacting.

When I was a boy in Korea, one student

came to school every
day on roller skate.

Everybody tease, but he not care.

He love to glide around,

feel wind in his hair, do all
kinds of roller skate trick.

Grapevine, snake walk, sh**t the duck!

But then one boy
tease him out of his dream.

- That's terrible. Do you miss it?
- Miss what?

- Roller skating.
- I not roller skate boy,

I am boy who teased
the roller skate boy.

- And I miss that.
- Appa!

What? He stopped roller skating
and became heart surgeon.

Saved hundreds of lives because of me.

Whoa!

Hey, there's a bunch of gravel
back there for some reason.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh.

[ENTRANCE BELL CHIMING]

Tomorrow I use oil.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

...but then see,

zip, zip,

now these short-pants.

What will they think of next?

Hopefully nothing.

There's a combo shorts and pants.

Or what I call, "ports." Mmm.

Well, clearly you like them
and that's the important thing.

- Tsk tsk.
- Oh, Mr. Mehta.

Ah, Mrs. Kim.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Uh, how is Mrs. Mehta?

Oh, she's doing fine.

Uh, we need to have you two over
for a get-together some day.

Oh, that would be nice, but, uh...

Oh... Finding time is so...

Rough. I mean, aggressive.

Challenging.

Yeah, okay. I have to go to salon.
See ya.

[ENTRANCE BELL CHIMING]

You see that? Pump-pump, smack-smack?

I saw no such thing, nor
was I splashed by it.

[SIGHS]

Most of time she do pretty
style, but the lotion...

Next time I say something.

Absolutely not. su1c1de mission!

Hmm. But if there's a spinach in
your wife's teeth, you not tell her?

No! Nor do I mention her Grey hairs.

Or the mustache.

But if she's doing all crazy
like that.

Have to say something. As helping her.

You, sir, are the Titanic,
sitting out on a doomed voyage.

I still haven't seen the movie.

It is the most stirring soundtrack
Celine Dion has ever done.

- [INHALES SHARPLY] Did you see it?
- Mmm.

It was so good. Dave and Jenna
missing their flight!

And then Sherry breaking
her ankle on the unicycle.

Oh, my God, is this Astounding Trek?

- Don't say anything. I recorded it.
- Best finale ever! [LAUGHS]

- When they crashed the rickshaw...
- [SHANNON] Oh, they deserved it!

Good job, guys!
Now I know there's a rickshaw.

Did you see they're
taking audition tapes?

I know. How much fun would that be?

Um, very. And I'd k*ll it.
I'm awesome under pressure.

Remember when that wasp
got in to the garage?

That was like
you had ice in your veins.

And I'm really great
at puzzles and I'm

not afraid to take a
melon to the face.

And I almost speak Korean.
We make a great team.

- Yeah!
- [CHUCKLES]

But maybe not right now.

Yeah, another time.

Let's go, Gerald,
I want to b*at the rush.

- It's a tripod sale.
- Yeah, less talking, more hustling.

See, now, a lens cleaner sale,
right, that's something I'd be...

- Oh!
- Gerald, you okay?

Yeah, um, I think it's just a stitch.

I must have pulled something
last night in my bedroom.

Oh, I don't want to know.

- It's a workout video.
- Oh.

They help me sleep.

Ow!

I... I think I might need
to go to the hospital.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Fine. But you owe me a tripod.

- Okay.
- Um, here.

Seriously?

Yeah, dude, you and me
trekking astoundingly.

- We'll be like those guys.
- What guys?

You know, with the hair and
nicknames, and the funny banter.

- And they're like, "Uh-oh, we're
lost, we'll never win." - [CHUCKLES]

But they do and people go nuts.

We'll be exactly like those guys.

Just so you know, I don't like
airports or weird smells.

And if I don't have
coffee every couple

of hours, I get pretty sarcastic.

- Done.
- But Astounding Trek, here we come!

- Whoo!
- Look out Tina and Sam.

- Who are they?
- They won this season!

No, I haven't seen it yet!

And we'll need you to fill this.

Okay, uh, well,
can I have some privacy?

And maybe a men's magazine?

- It's for urine.
- Oh, copy that.

Uh, out of curiosity, do you know how

long it might be until we see someone?

Not sure. Fill this out, please.

And take your pants off.
Doctor's gonna have a look.

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

Do those say, "I love you"?

Yeah, they say a lot of things.

[ENTRANCE BELL CHIMING]

Umma, where we keep our anchovies?

- Oh. You get a new haircut?
- Yeah.

- Look good.
- Yeah?

- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- [SIGHS]

Think it's a time for a change.
[LAUGHS]

Bang is a little bit shorter
than I'd like.

- But bang is good and I...
- Speaking of change... [CHUCKLES]

I was, uh, thinking, maybe, Umma,

you could change
how you put on, um, lotion.

Hmm. What you talking?

Just, uh, when you put
on the lotion, uh,

maybe you can do little more, uh,

lady-style.

What?

You know, how you put
on lotion, it's, uh...

[CHUCKLES] A little, uh,
gorilla-style.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Gorilla-style?

- No, I... I just mean...
- You think I'm not feminine?

Of course you is a feminine,
even with your haircut.

[GASPS] What's wrong with haircut?

[STAMMERS] Like you say, tiny
bang, it's very funny. [CHUCKLES]

- I never say, "Funny."
- Not a, "Ha-ha," funny.

More like, uh, cute Dutch boy funny.
[CHUCKLES]

Yeobo. Yeobo...

Yeobo...

Uh...

Ai Cham.

"Are there any conditions
not listed above that you had?"

Uh, wart on my left knee,
two on my right.

Are there any diseases
that run in your family?

Knee warts. Can I just fill this out?

[GROANS] This is taking forever.

Can we hurry it up, please?

Our taxes pay your salary.

We don't really pay taxes,
we're students.

- They don't know that.
- You wrote it on the form.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

- Raj.
- Hey.

Hey.

- Okay, let's do this!
- What, now?

Hey, check it. Got the guys at
the print shop to do up these.

Wow, so bright.

Hey, do you want the foam finger
or these bad boys?

- It says we're goofballs.
- Yup.

Oh, and here.

I mean, you can add a little bit,
but better we stay on message.

There's a lot of message here.

- [PHONE BEEPS]
- And action.

You go first.

- No, it says you are.
- Right.

Hey, I'm Kimchee Han.

And I'm Jung Kim.

And together we're team Jung...

[BOTH] Jungchee!

And we're gonna run circles

astound the competition.

And Team Jungchee brings fun...

- ...positivity.
- And leadership.

And most important, hijinx!

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Oh, man! Guy at the garage sale
said these flash pods were legit.

[REMOTE CLICKING]

If you wanna just step back.
Or I can get you

another doctor if you
feel more comfortable.

I think we're both professionals.

He's a doctor. What... What are you?

I have a profession,
and regardless of our history...

- It's rock hard.
- Oh, thank you, I did a video.

- It's peritonitis.
- Oh, my God.

- Ow!
- Your appendix might be perforated.

- We should get you to surgery. Now.
- What?

[STAMMERS] Do you even
know how to do surgery?

God, no. [LAUGHS] I mean,
we have surgeons for that.

So, it's on them.

But nothing's going to go wrong.

Page Dr. Mudrick, appendectomy.

We need an ultrasound, run an IV.
Ancef, one gram.

Got it.

Put this on.

Is he going to be okay?

He's going to be fine. Seriously.
This is a really common procedure.

- I should have gotten him here sooner.
- You did great.

I'll check in after surgery.
Will you still be here?

[GERALD] Yes.

Maybe we can talk more then.

Maybe.

Don't let me die in these underwear.

[SHANNON] Head's up.

Hey. Okay. I'm just headed back to...

- ...bring around the Civic?
- On it like a bonnet.

Awesome possum.

What?

I keep thinking we would have made

a great team on Astounding Trek.

Are you kidding?
The cameras would love us.

- And think of all the fans.
- And we'd have a sweet hashtag.

- Obviously.
- FunJung Shenanigans. [LAUGHS]

- Did you just think of that?
- Yeah.

Anyway, I guess
it's kind of impossible now.

Alejandro? He hates reality TV
and he travels a lot for work.

He doesn't even want children,
not that that's super relevant,

but you never know
with these challenges.

No, I mean, I asked Kimchee.

Oh. Makes sense.

Bros before bosses.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

But nothing in the rules says anything

about auditioning more than once

with different partners.

Well, then

clear my schedule,
I gots me a video to sh**t.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [MAN ON PHONE] Hello? Who's this?

Oh, sorry, I was... Goodbye.

I don't know
what's gotten into Sanjeev.

First he rented The Titanic, then The

Aviator, then the one with the bear.

My God, it's just too much of him.

- Mr. Mehta or Leonardo DiCaprio?
- Yes.

- Yes.
- Oh.

Oh, Mrs. Mehta. [CHUCKLES]

- How it going?
- Good.

We were just talking about
movies I don't like to watch.

Okay, good to know. [CHUCKLES]

Yeobo, how are you doing?

You're looking very, um, feminine.

I need to get hat.

Oh, okay.

Just climb ladder and stretch up.

I can't reach. Can you get?

Yeah.

Now?

[MRS. MEHTA]
Or I can get the hats later.

Oh, these are for you. [CHUCKLES]

They're for my nephews.
They're balding

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Yeah. [SIGHS]

Oh, your calf is naked.

Looks like one is vacation
and other is business.

- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- [APPA] No, I just take off.

One leg is cold, one leg is hot.

That's a genius of a ports.

I... I'm sorry,
do you name your trousers?

- He called them, "Ports!"
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

Okay, okay, how many hat do you want?

I'm glad the ladder
doesn't have another

step or we'd have quite the show.

I've seen that show,
and it only so-so.

- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- Just take a hat!

[ALL GASPING]

- [MRS. MEHTA] Oh, dear!
- [APPA] Are you okay?

Ah, yeah! Don't worry about me,

- just worry about the missing leg.
- Uh, uh, uh...

I can worry about the both.

[MRS. MEHTA]
If it's all right with you,

I actually want those hats.

- So, here it is.
- Oh, wow!

Could be the best Halloween
costume my mom's ever made.

- You need the teeth?
- Uh, no.

- Widow's peak.
- Just the cape.

Well, the cape's only a part of it.
It's

whole look. No one's going to get it.

This is just to pretend we're flying.

Oh, this cape is not for flying.

No, no, please, Terence,
it's for my audition tape.

I promise we'll take care of it.

You better. My mom spent more time

on this than my dinosaur costume.

Oh, and if you could not tell
Kimchee about it, it's a surprise.

Oh, my God. I love surprises. I'd
k*ll to be Kimchee right now.

- Okay, thanks.
- [IMITATING DRACULA] You're welcome!

It's better with the teeth.

Hey, it's me. Hope you're doing okay.

If you can hear me in there,
um, I know you're not in a coma.

I hope you're not in a coma.
[LAUGHING]

- You're not, are you?
- [RAJ] He's not.

Oh, hey

Hey.

Um, so, uh, everything went okay?

Yeah, he did great. Now appendix-free.

Good. I mean, I think that's good,
I don't know much about them.

You look nice.

Hardly. It's been such a crazy day.
Scared to look in a mirror.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad, too.

Because I need you to sign these
for the medication and the physio.

Oh, right.

I've been thinking a lot about you.

Okay.

I was serious about what I said
before, that I want to be together.

- I...
- [UMMA] Hi, Janet!

Raj? What's he doing here?

Um, he's Gerald's doctor.

You're wearing lots
of eyeshadow today.

You're blinking a lot today.

And your skirt is too tight.

Well, your haircut is...
What is your haircut?

It's new.

I just came to check on Gerald.
I should go.

Oh, so now you're leaving Gerald
so you can go see other patient?

Well, yeah.

And I have a doubt the patient
is much more serious

than casual, no-string-attached
patient Janet.

- [GASPS] I mean Gerald.
- Umma, now is not the time.

It's okay. I deserve that.

Yeah, you deserve much more.

You should lose the licence and the
job and the full head of hair.

Is your eye okay?

None of your business.

Actually, it is. He's a doctor.

And a really good one.

Okay, but only because
I can't see anything.

Look at me.

Hey,

what's wrong with that
little boy's eye?

Hey, Terence.

Kimchee, hi, you look great.
Thanks for passing through.

- You okay?
- [TERENCE] Just don't step on it.

[KIMCHEE] On what?

I've said too much, but I
didn't say audition. Damn it.

Hey, have you see Jung?

Every day, whether I want to or not.

But, no, not lately.

Well, I'm going to head out.

- Okay, see you.
- Bye!

[UMMA] I know, I know.

I look like a Captain Hook
or a Peter Pan

Or both. Say it.

Yeah?

This one is hot Italian,

and this one
is a German bratwurst, huh?

Go ahead. Say it.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.

Maybe it's not, uh, best idea
to always say something.

Yeah, talking is over-rate.

How do your eye?

It's okay.
Cornea's a little scratched.

- How is your leg?
- Like a volcano.

- Maybe you can use some cream.
- Yeah, that sounds good.

Mm-hmm. I can do for you. Put up.

Oh, thank you, Umma.

So sore.

[SIGHS] Ahh!

[GASPS]

- Yeah, uh, just a little bit more.
- [APPA COUGHING]

Yeah. [SQUIRMING]

[WINCES]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

- Hey.
- You look surprised to see me.

Well, you're on my bed in the dark.

How astounding.
Did you have a safe trek home?

Okay, what's going on?

Hi, I'm Jung,
and this is my boss Shannon.

[SHANNON ON LAPTOP] We're friends
too, but I'm definitely in charge.

Here at Handy Car Rental, we see
a lot of people embarking on...

- [BOTH] ...adventures!
- Adventures.

- [SHANNON] Now it's our turn to embark...
- [CLEARS THROAT]

...on one of our own.

- [TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING ON LAPTOP]
- [WIND BLOWING]

- I don't get it.
- She's supposed to be flying.

No. After everything
we've been through?

Kimchee, I'm sorry.

Come on, what does she have
that I don't?

Nothing! It just happened.

We were talking about
the show and then

one thing led to another and then,

suddenly we were
hashtag FunJung Shenanigans.

That's even a good hashtag.

I'm sorry you had
to find out this way.

[KIMCHEE] Me too.

But now you've got to choose.
Me or her?

Hashtag Fun Chung Shenanigans
or our hashtag?

- And what was that again?
- You disgust me.

[SIGHS]

You don't even remember, do you?

I'm under a lot of stress right now.

Oh, hey, what's going on?

The big DC. Discharged.

Oh. So you're out of here.

That's good news for us both.

But I guess we need to stick around
to get the A-okay from the doctors.

No, surgeon said I was good to go.

Still, we should probably
clear it with Raj.

Or whoever admitted you,
but I guess that was Raj.

Yeah, I wanted to thank him but the

nurse said he wasn't on shift.

Well, if the surgeon says you're good

to go, I guess you're good to go.

- Yeah, so let's go.
- Yeah.

So, it seems that team FunJung

Shenanigans has met
its first challenge.

- Kimchee knows.
- About Project Blast Off?

He saw it all.

This really stinks.

- Now he wants me to choose.
- Oh.

Well, I guess you have no choice
but to choose your best friend.

[IMITATES BUZZER SOUNDING] You choose

the astounding teammates
who's going to help you win.

Uh, that's you.

I choose you.
That's what this is about.

I know, but, uh...

I was just thinking, I should
probably run it by Alejandro.

Oh.

Okay.

But if I do run it by Alejandro it
will start a whole other thing.

- And who wants that?
- Not me, so...

Maybe the best thing is
not to submit our audition tapes

so I won't have to run it by Alejandro.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[SIGHS]

Sorry.

I get it.

Alejandros before bros.

I talked to Chelsea. She says,

"Thinking of you," and sent,
uh, a heart eyes smiley face.

- That's sweet.
- Yeah.

She didn't respond to my text.

Janet.

Hey.

- So you guys are heading out?
- [GERALD] Yeah.

But, um, leaving a part of me here.

- Mmm?
- My appendix.

- Yeah, they don't keep it.
- Oh.

You mind giving us a second?

Janet, do you want to
grab a snack or something?

I think he meant me.

[STAMMERS] Oh, sure. I'll just walk

gingerly over this way.

[SIGHS] I remember that dress.

- From when?
- Pinkerton's.

I knocked the creme brulee onto
it when I tried kissing you.

Guess you were nervous thinking
your fiancee would catch you.

That's not why I was nervous.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

I should go.

It's over between me and Divya.

What?

I mean, I haven't actually
ended it yet, but...

- Of course not.
- Look, I know I screwed up a lot,

but I'm going to make this right.

Well, good luck with that.

Did Janet leave?

She has my house keys.

What's this?

Gift. Spanish travel dictionary.

Look, even if I won
the Astounding Trek,

it wouldn't be a win
unless it was with you.

We travel together every day.

Our apartment is like, the waiting
room in the airport of life,

- and the only destination...
- Shannon turned you down, didn't she?

[SIGHS] I think you're
missing the point.

Thanks, man.

Hey, you want to trek over to
that Tibetan place after work?

- Yeah, man, your treat.
- [CHUCKLES]

- See, we totally are those guys.
- Oh, I'm serious.

- What's Spanish for cheap?
- Uh... [SPEAKS SPANISH]

[GASPS]

Hijinx, I love it.

Oh, hi, Frank.

Mrs. Kim.

Uh, where's the worst half?

Oh, post office. Oh.

New pants?

Oh, yeah. They're amazing.
Let me show you.

- I know already.
- [FRANK] All I have to do

is zip,

zip...

Voila! Slacks to shorts.

Or some people call them slorts.

- [ENTRANCE BELL CHIMING]
- Yeobo! Look, it's Frank.

Oh, hi.

Oh, my God, Mr. Kim,

- we're twins!
- Uh-huh.

Not only do we share a love of

brevity, but also a flair for fashion.

Race you to shorts.

[UNZIPPING]

Wow, you're quick.

- I never want to see these again.
- Mmm.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]