01x01 - Fckin' Rez Dogs

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Reservation Dogs". Aired: August 2021 to present.
Comedy about four teens in Oklahoma who steal, rob, and save in order to get to the faraway land of California.
Post Reply

01x01 - Fckin' Rez Dogs

Post by bunniefuu »

(RADIO CHANGING CHANNELS)

DEEJAY: Hey, everyone out
there in Indian Territory, Oklahoma.

You're listening to K --
Territory Jams.

I'm your humble host, cvpon Bruner.

Don't forget, this weekend,

listen for that Southern
drum Saturday witcha.

And we'll slow it down on Sunday

with some of that old-timey gospel.

Right now I'm taking you back

to my snagging days

with a little band called The Stooges

with "I Wanna Be Your Dog."

Sound like a shape-shifter song to me.

Anyway, take it away. Mvto.

♪ ♪

(MUMBLING A TUNE) _

(GRUNTS) _

WILLIE JACK: f*ck you guys saying?

- Let's just go, then.
- BEAR: Okay, let's go.

- WILLIE JACK: Skoden.
- (WHOOPS)

- Brra, brra!
- Get on, Cheese.

BEAR: Let's go, let's go,
let's go. Put your seat belt on.

- ELORA: Seat belt?
- Seat belt safety.

We're stealing a f*cking chip truck.

I do not give a sh*t.
Now, put your seat belt on

- or we're not going. Okay.
- Jesus Christ, okay.

- Weirdo.
- BEAR: Willie Jack, let's go!

- What the f*ck?
- Come on, come on.

♪ I want you here ♪

♪ Now we're... ♪

♪ Face ♪

♪ And I'll lay... ♪

What do you mean, it's not cool?

Like, what if we crashed right now

and you smashed through the windshield?

- Would that be cool?
- I'm just saying

it doesn't scream "badass"

when you have to f*cking buckle up

- before jacking a car.
- Truck.

- Ugh.
- Left. Left.

- No, this way's faster.
- But this way goes past Big.

- sh*t.
- BEAR: It's all good. It's all good.

- Just act cool. Get back there.
- ELORA: I am cool.

You act cool, safety police.

MAN: ...subsequent years, the
Warren Commission concluded

that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone

in f*ring three sh*ts from
the book depository building,

striking Kennedy.

♪ Well, come on... ♪

Detractors claim it's impossible

to accurately sh**t that many rounds...

♪ ♪

- CHEESE: Save the chips! They're falling out.
- (PHONE CHIMES)

WILLIE JACK: Wait, my mom's texting me.

CHEESE: Might have lost a few bags.

♪ Now I'm. ♪

(SIGHS)

Now what?

I don't know. Try honking.

Honking?

- (LOCK BUZZES)
- All right, here we go.

- Skoden.
- Stoodis.

(CHUCKLES)

("ACE OF SPADES" BY LINK WRAY PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

f*cking meth head zombie apocalypse.

Halt.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(WINDOW ROLLING DOWN)

Anyone follow you?

No. No one's following.

Yeah, just like his Insta.

We ain't amateurs, man.

(SNIFFS) Right.

That's solid.

Kenny Boy's waiting for you
inside his office.

That's your cue.

Get it? 'Cause I... Cue.

- BEAR: Yeah, we get it.
- Okay.

(HITTING TRUCK)

- If anything happens, forget it.
- Shh.

I'll kick him in the nuts
and then you grab

- first thing you see and throw it at him.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm about that.

About that. Oh, wait. Wait,
wait, wait for me. Wait for me.

WILLIE JACK: Oh, sh*t. What up?

- Keep an eye on the chips.
- Gotcha.

♪ So, if I tried ♪

♪ To get some love... ♪

Ansel said you're good thieves.

Best in town.

It is a small town.

What's your names?

(CLEARS THROAT) I'm Bear.

- That's Willie Jack.
- Sup?

And, uh, she's Elora Danan.

Like the baby in Willow?

That's a great movie.
That's a Ron Howard joint.

(BLOWS) Did you know
Elora Danan was played

by a set of identical twin girls?

Kate and Ruth Greenfield.

They used to switch out
playing the character

so neither would get too fatigued.

You don't want a crying baby on set.

It rattles the crew.

Hey.

My name's Cheese.

My pronouns are he, him and his.

I'm a Native American.

Cool.

- KENNY BOY: Hey.
- Oh. Thank you.

(MOUTHS)

What is it? Be free with your words.

- Go, Bear.
- Yeah, sorry, sorry. Um...

Is it cool if we can keep the chips?

- The chips?
- Yeah.

Give me a buck.

- J-Just a...
- Just a buck.

BEAR: Okay.

You can have the chip.

- "Chip."
- (DRAWER OPENS, CLOSES)

Now what happens is you
just get up and walk out now.

You stand up, and you just go.

- Okay.
- KENNY BOY: You j... You just get out.

♪ Dance with the mantis,
note the slim chances ♪

♪ Chant this anthem,
swing like Pete Sampras ♪

♪ Taking it straight
to Big Man on Campus ♪

♪ Brandish your w*apon
or get dropped to the canvas ♪

♪ Scandalous, made the metro panic ♪

♪ Cause static with or without... ♪

BEAR: Hello? Oh, it's on.

Cool. Sup, guys? This is my hideout.

I can't tell you the location
because, you know,

it's a hidden location, so
you're not gonna find that out.

Willie Jack did that.
She got some good hands.

This is Big's cruiser.

He thinks he's a badass,
but he ain't sh*t.

Is Big in there?
No, he's not even in there.

And this is where we eat.

- Come say hi. Come say hi.
- (CHUCKLES)

- This is Cleo. This is Cleo.
- Hi.

- BEAR: We got Rob.
- Hello.

BEAR: Cleo's catfish is life.
Look at that.

"Catfish is life."

This is Daniel. He d*ed last year.

We're having a memorial for him
in a couple of days.

RIP, my dawg.

This place k*lled him.

- I thought it was...
- BEAR: That's why we're saving our money,

so we can leave this dump
before it kills us, too.

Toss that money. (WHOOPS)

- Let that rain! Yeah!
- (CHUCKLES)(CLAPPING)

WILLIE JACK: Good job!

Mm!

f*ck b*tches, get money.

Okay. Someone grab the lights.

Uh, let's hear it for Bear, everyone.

- Wasn't even done yet, but okay.
- I'm at a loss. (CLEARS THROAT)

Pretty sure some of that
was illegal. Go sit down, Bear.

- No? Oh.
- No. Thank you.

("CLASS HISTORIAN" BY BRONCHO PLAYING)

- (COINS DROP)
- Tell your friends.

- I don't have any.
- WILLIE JACK: Well,

get some, then. f*ck.

- I got friends.
- No, you don't.

♪ Till now I'm doing great... ♪

ELORA: f*ck is that?

You looking at? f*ck.

♪ You look as strong
as you did before... ♪

(WHOOPS) Banging.

She likes my hot chips flaming.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Heck, yeah.

Got a new song.

It go like this. (CLEARS THROAT)

♪ We're making it drop when
the Glock go pop, pop, pop ♪

♪ b*ll*ts can't be stopped,
I let 'em in, chop ♪

♪ And the Glock go pop, pop, pop ♪

♪ You better believe
we shutting down shop ♪

♪ When the Glock go pop, pop, pop. ♪

("CLASS HISTORIAN" BY BRONCHO PLAYING)

(COINS DROPPING)

- They don't look like bandits.
- JACKIE: Mm.

Let's go.

Let's go get White Steve.

California, here we come.

(dog barking in distance)

RITA: ♪ Staring at a son ♪

♪ That she just can't touch ♪

♪ If at any time he's in a jam ♪

♪ She'll be by his side ♪

♪ But he doesn't realize ♪

♪ He hurts her so much ♪

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Don't go chasing waterfalls ♪

♪ Please stick to the rivers and the. ♪

What do you want?

I got to pee.

Well, I'm not finished in here.
Go outside.

- You working tonight?
- No.

I'm going out.

- Going out with who?
- With my friends, Grandpa.

How else am I gonna find you a dad?

- I've got a dad.
- (SCOFFS)

You got an out-of-work
Indian artist dad.

That's like not having a dad at all.

Don't you think it's time
we find you, like,

a lawyer dad or a doctor dad?

f*ck that.

What?

- Dad's a rapper, not an artist.
- (CHUCKLES)

Out-of-work Indian rapper.
That's even worse.

Bear, pee outside.

- Love you.
- Love you.

♪ I seen a rainbow yesterday ♪

♪ But too many storms
have come and gone ♪

♪ Leaving a trace
of not one God-given ray. ♪

- (COINS RATTLING)
- ELORA: Why'd you put

- the money in the t*nk, anyway?
- sh*t.

'Cause it's safe.

Told you guys not to put me
in charge of the money.

- My family has a money curse.
- BEAR: Oh, sh*t.

- Cool it, cool it, cool it, cool it.
- Act normal.

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

Y'all wouldn't have seen
a stolen food truck, would you?

- Huh?
- No.

Mm. Crazy.

Broad daylight.

Someone stole a truck.

Apparently it was full of chips.
Damn truck

full of chips.

I never seen anything like that.

Getting crazy out here.

Yeah, criminals getting bold.

sh*t, just last week,
we had two cars stolen.

- (CAR ALARM BLARING)
- BEAR: Cheese. Come on, let's go.

ELORA: Come on, come on,
come on, come on. Willie J-J...

WILLIE JACK: Quit stressing me out!

Somebody ripped all the damn copper

out of different streetlamps.

- BEAR: Yo, hurry up.
- WILLIE JACK: Come on!

♪ ♪

BIG: All the steaks were stolen
over at Paterson's Grocery.

Took all of them, too.

Old lady Louise, she had her

weed edibles--
you know, for her cataracts--

stolen right off her front porch.

I think I'm having a heart att*ck.

Yo, I need to call my mom.

- (VOMITS)
- I don't feel sh*t.

Who steals from an old lady?

It's no good.

And the graffiti.

♪ ♪

Y'all haven't seen anything like that?

Penises and boobies and whatnot?

WILLIE JACK: No.

BIG: Huh.

No.

All right.

You know,

tell you the truth...

that's not what I'm most worried about.

I am more concerned
about the other things

that I've been noticing.

Yeah.

Supernatural stuff.

You know old man Fixico,

down at the end of the village?

- Uh-huh.
- BIG: Ah,

claims he saw the Deer Lady

walking around.

Deer Lady ain't been seen

in these parts in a long time.
(EXCLAIMS)

My uncle was married to Deer Lady

for, f*ck, like, three years?

- Bullshit.
- That's what he said.

Got dirty pictures, apparently.

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

Hey, say, Bear.

(GRUNTS) Is your mama home?

No, she just left.

Well, you tell her Big stopped by.

Yeah.

(EXCLAIMS)

- WILLIE JACK: Hey.
- Shut up. Shut up.

WILLIE JACK: I'll snag your mom.

- Ooh.
- f*ck off, man.

- That's not what's happening.
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)

(LAUGHS)

♪ ♪

ELORA: Okay, we should try and spend

only two dollars apiece on catfish.

And if my math's correct,

then we could be in California
as soon as two months.

For real? That soon?

Yes. That soon.

I just thought it would take longer.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

- Put the money away. Put the money away.
- sh*t.

'Sup, puto?

'Sup, b*tches?

♪ ♪

JACKIE: This is our street, b*tches!

♪ ♪

(MAN SINGING)

Aho! Young Warrior.

Looks as though you've tasted
the white man's lead.

- It's only paintballs.
- I have had

many brothers and sisters
meet the same fate in my time.

Are you Crazy Horse

- or Sitting...
- No, no, no.

(CHUCKLES): I'm not
one of those awesome guys.

No, I'm more of your, uh...

I'm more of your unknown warrior.

Yeah. You know my name?

William Kn*fe-Man. (EXCLAIMS)

I was at the Battle
of Little Bighorn. That's right.

I didn't k*ll anybody,
but I fought bravely.

Well, I didn't actually fight.

I actually didn't even get
into the fight itself.

I came over that hill
real rugged, like... (EXCLAIMS)

Saw Custer like that.

That yellow-hair. He was sitting there.

Son of the morning star,
that guy right there.

f*ck, I really hated him.

So I went after him.
But then the damn horse

hit a gopher hole.

f*cking rolled over and squashed me.

I d*ed there.

This horse, actually.

Little sh*t.

And now I'm meant
to travel the spirit world,

find lost souls like you.

The spirit world is cold.

My nipples are always hard.

I'm always hungry.

Got it.

Being a warrior is not always easy.

You and your thuggy-ass friends--

what are you doing for your people?

It's easy to be bad.

It is hard
to be a warrior with dignity.

Remember that.

In my time, we gave everything.

We d*ed for our people.

We d*ed for our land.

What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna fight for?

(EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHS) I'm just f*cking with you.

But for real, though.

Listen to what I said.

Marinate on that. Aho.

Let's go. Ha!

- (HORSE NEIGHS)
- (CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS) No!

f*ck.

- WILLIE JACK: Sober up.
- (MAN WHOOPS)

- Dang. They came through straight blasting!
- (CHUCKLES)

- Bam!
- Sound like Mars att*cks!

Tat-tat-tat! Tat-tat-tat-tat!

- (BEAR GROANS)
- Who the f*ck was that?

Are y'all more spirits?

No, man. It's Mose and Mekko.

We got the same uncle.

I'm gonna go get those dickheads back.

What kind of g*ng
wears both red and blue?

NDN mafia. Couldn't make up their minds

if they wanted
to be Bloods or Crips more.

- Maybe they're Blips.
- Or maybe they're Cruds.

- Hey!
- Hey!

Why not just wear purple?

Who are they?

- Why they in the village?
- MOSE: Oh, they're new.

The founder's auntie just moved
over there by Keith's house.

- And she fine, too.
- Yeah. And they all cousins.

I guess some chick named Jackie

with blonde hair was the
leader of a g*ng in the city.

I heard about a bitch
named Jackie at school.

And when she move here,
they initiated her cousins.

They probably k*lled some people.

And they been looking for y'all.

- Why they looking for us?
- MEKKO: 'Cause they heard

y'all were the reservation bandits.

- Who told them that?
- f*ck.

- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh. (CHUCKLES)

That's my bad. See...

- BEAR: g*dd*mn it.
- sh*t.

MOSE: I kind of told them
y'all was the toughest in town,

and they asked me
what y'all g*ng name was.

- And that's all I could think of.
- BEAR: Man,

why would you tell them
we're in a g*ng, bro?

- I always wanted to be in a g*ng.
- MEKKO: I guess

they trying
to take you off the throne now.

- Take you out to powwow. Something.
- MEKKO: Mm-hmm.

They wanted us to join
their g*ng too, but, uh,

kind of want to see how this plays out.

- Yo, be careful. They seem serious.
- (CHUCKLES)

♪ We making 'em drop when
the Glock go pop, pop, pop ♪

♪ b*ll*ts can't be
stopped, I let 'em in, chop ♪

f*ck.

MAN (IN DISTANCE):
Uh, order , you're up.

ROB: Hey, Cheese?

If you're gonna steal something,
you got to let me know, okay?

So I can write it off on the books.

Great.


Thanks.

It's easy as that.

Extra tartar sauce.

- (ELORA GRUNTS)
- Y'all look b*at to hell.

And you got mustard on your face.

- I got sh*t.
- CLEO: Ah. Mustard g*n.

Y'all gonna turn into catfish,
you eat so much of it.

(ENTRY BELL JINGLES)

(DOOR CLOSES)

ELORA: Hey.

- He doesn't know it was us.
- BEAR: You don't know that, man.

What if he seen us?

ROB: Mississippi Miles, my man.

Is it true? You really taking off?

Yep. Guess a truck
can't get stole on your watch

without management
getting all pissed off.

Probably best with the run
of bad luck I've had since.

My wife left me
when she heard I lost my job.

- Broke my heart.
- ROB: I'm so sorry to hear that.

- Could be worse, right?
- MILES: Could it?

- She took everything. Now I'm bankrupted.
- Hey. Don't.

MILES: Couldn't even
afford to buy no food.

Only thing left in the house
was a bag of sugar.

Now, you know
what's gonna happen: diabetes.

And they talking
about taking my foot off,

and my toes are black.

I'm gonna lose my leg.

We wasn't designed to have one leg.

Ain't no flamingo.

Oh, you little piece of sh*t.

Think you gon' get away with that sh*t?

Hell, no.

When I catch your ass,

I'm gon' kick your ass.

Rob, it's been a rough week.

Probably won't be around
much longer in this world.

And the bad guy g*ng's gon' get you.

The meth head g*ng's gon' get you.

But it could be worse.

Yeah, I guess it...

guess it could be.

Tell you what,
you come back on your way out,

and maybe I'll give you a t*nk of gas

- or something.
- MILES: Hell, yeah.

You take care of yourself, Rob.

Enjoy your life, young 'uns.

The smiles. The laughter.

The little things that make you happy.

'Cause out the blue,

some ruffians
could jack your damn truck,

and life take a different turn.

Snap of your finger.

(SNIFFS) Yeah.

(ENTRY BELL JINGLES)

(DOOR CLOSES)

BEAR: f*ck off.

Holy...

What's wrong with you?

What you mean?

I don't know.
You've been acting weird again.

Probably depressed. Did you know

depression affects one
in five Native Americans?

- You want to go hit a lick, bro?
- BEAR: No, I'm good.

And, no, I'm not depressed, either.

I am.

It's all good, bro.

Don't y'all feel bad?

WILLIE JACK: All the time.
f*ck, weren't you listening? sh*t.

Bad about what?

BEAR: Just all the
crimes we do, you know?

Like the driver.

We really ruined
that guy's life. For real.

I mean, right now, they're
probably cutting off his legs

from the diabetes we gave him.
What if we're the bad guys here?

You know?

I think we should give the money back.

You f*cking crazy?

Who cares?

- About that old man? It's dog-eat-dog here.
- Come on.

f*ck that. I ain't giving sh*t back.

We got that money fair and square.

Fair and square?
Elora, we stole a g*dd*mn truck.

- Like, how's that fair?
- Yeah. Fair and f*cking square.

Yeah, fair and f*cking square!

BEAR: I don't know.

Seeing him and how
f*cked-up his life is

and seeing how everyone else's
life's so f*cked-up around here

got me thinking
like we are the bad guys.

- You got to see that. Come on.
- This place is sh*t.

f*ck this town, Bear.

- You don't owe anyone anything.
- Uh...

Okay? f*ck the village.
f*ck the people in it.

What about Daniel? If Daniel
was still here, he wouldn't...

That's why Daniel's gone.
'Cause this place k*lled him.

(ELORA SIGHS)

You know, I'm not letting it k*ll me.

I'm getting the f*ck out
with or without y'all.

BEAR: Elora, come
on. I didn't mean it...

Well, now I'm depressed.

♪ Take it, baby ♪

♪ Make it easy ♪

♪ Don't let the fast-paced crowd ♪

♪ Keep you away from doing anything ♪

♪ Right now ♪

♪ Make your own way ♪

♪ Like the first day. ♪

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

BEAR: Daniel?

♪ Just a stone-cold effort... ♪

- Hey, bitch.
- Hey, bitch.

Willie Jack made meat pies.

Brought you one.

Mvto. (GRUNTS)

Mmm.

Damn, this is good.

The best.

Are you mad at me?

No.

I brought the money.

For what?

My cut of the truck.

We won't have Willie Jack's
or Cheese's cut.

They spent most of it.

But maybe the meth heads

will sell the truck
back to us for half.

We can tell them it's de-appreciated

- or-or whatever.
- Then what?

f*ck you mean?

We deliver it back to the store,

leave it there,
and they'll tell the driver.

He'll get his life back. I don't know,

probably cure his diabetes
or something.

Isn't that what you wanted?

I guess so, yeah.

Well, let's get the others.

Skoden.

(EXHALES) Well, here it is.

Or what's left of it.
Ansel will give you the keys

and you guys can just go ahead
and drive it on out of here.

Yeah, drive it on out of here.

KENNY BOY:
Hey, you guys lost this battle,

but you live to fight again.

Turn the page like Bob Seger.

Hoka hay.

It's Lakota

for "'tis a good day to die."

- We aren't Lakota.
- KENNY BOY: Nobody's perfect.

- Oh.
- KENNY BOY: Hoka hay, children, hoka hay!

ANSEL: I thought it
was "hakuna matata."

("JOEY" BY SAMANTHA CRAIN PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

♪ Joey, why don't you ♪

♪ Come around and see me ♪

♪ Got plenty of room ♪

♪ Now that I live alone ♪

♪ Last time I saw you ♪

♪ You were walking in the meadow ♪

♪ Your face was sweaty ♪

♪ And your outfit was gone ♪

WILLIE JACK:
One year without you, douchebag.

Lot of sh*t's happened.

Cheese got sh*t in the head
the other day.

I wish you could
have f*cking seen that.

(SNIFFLING)

(SIGHS)

♪ Sometimes I feel like... ♪

ALL: Love you, bitch.

Love you, bitch.

♪ Could you remind me ♪

♪ Take me back for a night? ♪

(ENGINE REVVING)

NDN mafia, b*tches.

Is that copper?

Our f*cking copper.

That's our f*cking money.

(SIGHS) f*ck. Just go.

(HORSE NEIGHS)

- MEKKO: Yo!
- MOSE: Hey!

NDN mafia been telling everybody
they at w*r with y'all.

- sh*t.
- Told 'em y'all was the Reservation Dogs.

Since y'all didn't like
rez bandits. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- Yeah, they said this is they streets.
- Yeah,

what he said. Finna to go down.

f*ck this.

Let's just pool our money together

and get the f*ck out of here sooner.

You really want to let
these guys run us out?

Better protect our homes, man.

We got to be like vigilantes,
not criminals.

Vigilantes.

I like that.

Cooler.

Cool vigilantes.

Nah, I don't like that sh*t.

I'm not gonna let these
fuckers run me out.

Not today. Not ever.

Got to protect this place.

("R.E.D." BY THE HALLUCI NATION
PLAYING)

f*ck. Skoden.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

f*ckin' Rez Dogs.

♪ Hey... ♪

CHEESE: Can I be Mr. Camouflage?

♪ Light, lightning and the thunder ♪

- ♪ The sun, moon, stars and the hunger ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Abundance in bundles ♪

- ♪ Lessons and troubles, towers and tunnels ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

- ♪ Views and valleys, waves and peaks ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ What streets you from, son? ♪

- ♪ Planet Earth ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ And ain't scared of no Mars att*ck ♪

- ♪ What type of bars is that? ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

- ♪ Stay off my jack ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ I'm out they corny riot garments ♪

- ♪ Top five Dylan-in in on 'em ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Superfly Snuka top rope ♪

- ♪ Eagle-divin' on 'em ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ You why a lion, homey?
You won't play ♪

- ♪ With my emotions, Smokey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Big Chief, heart rate ♪

- ♪ Big b*at, B-E-Y Yasiin ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

- ♪ Straitjacket come clean ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ B. I. G. said it was a dream,
now it's a livin' thing... ♪

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Aw, f*ck. g*dd*mn it.

- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Original Nation ♪

- ♪ We pon solid with with ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ True and living, you know
we're true and living ♪

- ♪ R. E. D., A Tribe Called ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey. ♪
Post Reply