04x06 - Angel's Night Out

[bunniefuu]

♪ La, la la la la la ♪

♪ Oh ♪

[Carly Rae Jepsen]
♪ Whatever happened to predictability? ♪

♪ The milkman, the paperboy,
the evening TV? ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ Everywhere you go ♪

♪ There's a heart, there's a heart,
a hand to hold on to ♪

♪ Everywhere you look,
everywhere you go ♪

♪ There's a face, there's a face
of somebody who needs you ♪

♪ There's a heart ♪

♪ Everywhere you look, yeah ♪

♪ When you're lost out there,
and you're all alone ♪

♪ A light is waiting to carry you home ♪

♪ Everywhere you look ♪

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Hey, guys, look what me and D.J. made
at Draw and Sip.

Whoa. How much did you sip?

Mm-hmm.

Wh-- what's up, Steph?

Do I know you?

You look like my older sister,
who I haven't seen in ages,

but she's way prettier.

Ha ha. I know I've been a little busy
with the three kids

and running a business
and a new boyfriend.

That's me,
unless you have a newer one.

Face it, Deej. You're a bye-girl.

Bi-girl? Kimmy and I share one sexy dance
at Club Euphoria.

I hardly think that--

Oh, no, not what that means.

No, no, no. Bye-girl - b-y-e.

A girl so wrapped up in her own life,
she forgets about her friends.

[both] Bye-girl.

I am sensing we are due for
a girls' night out?

Yes! Can we do another sexy dance?

I can't promise you anything,
but if we are doing a girls' night out,

I'm sure a complex, unmotivated
dance number will be a part of it.

Ooh.

♪ La la la la la la ♪

[door opens]

Boys, your favorite babysitter's here.

Aunt Becky?

Okay. A babysitter's here.

I'm not a baby.

You don't have to like me as long as I get
my four dollars an hour, plus...

all the Sunny Delight I can drink.

-We're out of Sunny Delight.
-Don't joke about that.

[disco music playing]

-And pose.
-[music ends]

Why?

We're doing girls' night out
on a '70s cruise.

We're Charlie's Angels.

Who?

[gasps] It's amazing how one word
can make you feel so old.

Mm.

Well, I like everything
that's happening here.

Charlie's Angels,

followed by
an all-new episode of Vegas.

Thanks, Joey,
for watching the boys tonight.

And thank you, Fernando,
for watching my own daughter.

Did you just thank yourself?

Yes, I did, and I'm welcome.

Tonight, Ramona and I
are having our traditional father-daughter

I-am-soon-leaving-for-six-months-
on-the-racing-circuit dinner.

That's tonight? But I have plans
to go to the movies with Rocki and Ashlyn.

Why have a fantastic time
with your friends

when you can stay home with your father?

-You do hear yourself talking?
-No, I do not.

My accent is almost impenetrable.

I have no idea what I just said.

But I do know you're staying home tonight
with your papa.

Fine, I'll cancel my plans,
but I'm not gonna enjoy myself.

Now, that sounds like
a father-daughter dinner.

[cell phone ringtone]

Hey, Steve, you're on speaker.

Actually, this is Charlie. Hello, Angels.

[all] Hi, Charlie.

I just wanted to make sure
you Angels know

your mission tonight
is to have a good time,

but not too good of a time. Be home by 11.

-Good night, Charlie.
-Good night, Charlie.

What? Boys can't be Angels?

Okay, She-Angels, let's go.

Hold on.

-Oh.
-We made it.

[horn blows]

Excuse me.

Uh... question.

Why isn't anyone else
wearing '70s clothing?

Mm... better question.

Why does this look like a commercial
for reverse mortgages?

-Excuse me.
-Yes.

Is this the '70s-night cruise?

Yes, it is.

Isn't it fun that they
put these night cruises together

for people over 70?

[all] Oh.

Seventies night.

By the way, you must give me
the name of your doctor.

You three don't look a day over 50.

I'm 36.

Sure. Me too.

Gentlemen, OGG has begun.

Operation Get...

Gladstone.

It was three years ago tonight
that our target...

-one Uncle Joey...
-He's not our uncle. He's just a man.

Is he? Because I think
he's an arrogant little prankster

who ambushed, humiliated,
and toilet-papered us.

Yes, but tonight, we exact revenge.

Revenge.

Step one -
lull the victim into complacency.

Joey doesn't suspect a thing. Check.

Step two - use his childlike innocence
to lure human to the booby trap.

-Check.
-Bye-bye, balloon.

Bye-bye, Joey.

"I don't think you know
what you're doing, Patrick.

I know exactly what I'm doing, SpongeBob."

Ha ha ha ha. Ah, that is great writing.

Ooh, balloon.

Oh, we got it floating off! Ha!

Where are you going?

You just-- Aw... [mutters]

What? Nothing happened.

But I heard him step on the trip wire.

[both scream]

[snickers] Well, well, well.

You thought you could lull me
into complacency,

but you, yourselves...

got lulled. Ha ha ha.

♪ La la la, la la la la ♪

-[honks horn]
-Oh.

You should've come into
the life transition seminar. Ah.

They really put the "fun" in funeral.

I've got mine all planned.

Spoiler alert -
I bought the plot next to Urkel.

Excuse me.

That is my scooter.

Oh, my bad. I thought they were free,
like the umbrellas they left by the door.

That is also my umbrella.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, wow. Finally,
some ladies my own age.

Oh, hello, Millie.

James. I'd like to say
I'm happy to see you,

but my mother told me
never to tell a lie.

What're you doing here?

I didn't think it was safe for a witch
to be surrounded by water.

I'm starting to think these two
might know each other.

Oh, ladies, I'm sorry. My manners.

I'm James, and this sea hag here
is my ex-wife Millie.

He forgot to tell you that
I'm also his former business partner.

What did you two do for work?

We ran the top detective agency
in all of Beverly Hills.

Oh, you guys were detectives.

Yeah, it was the '70s.
Everybody was a detective.

All right, James.
Now that I know you are here,

I will be on the other side of the boat.

Yeah, well, try underneath the boat.
That's where the barnacles live.

Man, that was a sweet ride

and one sweet umbrella.

-[generator powers down]
-[exclamations]

Oh. That was weird.

Oh, my God! Oh!

Oh, somebody help me!

The diamonds are missing,
and I can't see them anywhere.

Oh, my gosh. Ahh.

I bet that blackout was a set-up

so somebody could steal
that poor woman's jewelry.

[Kimmy gasps]

Angels?

It looks like we have a mystery to solve.

I bet the thief's still on the boat.

We have to figure out who it is
before we dock.

Ladies, I'm in. And I'm packing.

[coughs]

-Ready?
-[disco music playing]

PORT OF SAN FRANCISCO

Ramona, querida,
tonight is no ordinary dinner.

I have prepared all your favorite foods.

Look, dinosaur nuggets, mac and cheese,
and strawberry Quik.

Dad, this is little-kid food.

-You used to love it.
-Yeah, when I was a little kid.

Oh, well,
I can make you something else, then.

No, I'll eat it.

Just as long you don't feed me
like an airplane.

So, tonight, after the food,

I thought we could binge watch
my favorite Argentinian telenovela -

Fat Susanna.

It's about a supermodel
who loves cheese more than her husband,

so she divorces him, gains 200 pounds
and learns to tango.

Why would I wanna watch that?

So we can spend time together.

You've grown up so fast. I feel
it all happened in the blink of an eye.

It wasn't a blink. You know,
it's been 16 years, and...

now I have a life of my own.

And I want to be a part of it, so...

let us talk.

Papa, I get that you're feeling nostalgic,
but...

you know, tonight,
I wanted to go out with my friends.

Well, if that's what you want.

Then you can go.

Gracias, Papa.

I can't promise the strawberry Quik
will be here when you return.

♪ La la la la, la la la la la ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

Kimmy, you're pregnant.
Are you drinking a screwdriver?

No, it's an orange Metamucil on the rocks.

Mmm-mmm.

Excuse me.
You think I could get one of those?

Just all vodka, though.
Hold the Metamucil.

Oh, hey, James.

There's a mystery afoot.
You're a detective. Want to help solve it?

Uh, no, thank you, missy.

The only mystery I wanna solve
is whether I make it to the men's room.

I had two of those
Metamucil pooper sh**t,

and things are getting
a little dicey. I got to go.

Well, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Okay, Angels,
it looks like we're on our own.

I say we split up so we can look for clues
for the missing diamonds.

You mean like a montage?

Ooh, we've never done a montage.

[disco music playing]

[bionic running sound effect]

[bionic jumping sound effect]

Hey, Wachowski, it's Gibbler.
I need you to run some prints.

There's a dozen donuts in it for you.

Fine, a baker's dozen.

[disco music ends, baby crying]

Tommy, are you okay?

[crying continues]

Do-- I'm coming.

Tommy, are you okay? Tommy?

[crying continues]

Uh-oh.

[western showdown music playing]

Et tu, Tommy?

♪ Is this the little girl I carried? ♪

♪ Is this the little boy at play? ♪

♪ I don't remember growing older ♪

♪ When did they? ♪

♪ Sunrise, sunset ♪

♪ Sunrise, sunset ♪

♪ Sweetly fly the years ♪

♪ One season following another ♪

♪ Laden with happiness ♪

♪ And tears ♪

I used to sing that to you
when you were a baby.

I know. And I thought I was Jewish
until I was nine.

What are you doing back home so early?
I thought you were out with your friends.

I was, but I thought about what you said.

And I can hang out
with my friends anytime.

Plus, the movie was terrible.

How many times can you watch
The Rock stop a hurricane?

In my case, six.

I love you.

I love you, too, Papa.

You know, we can always see
what Fat Susanna's up to.

[gasps]

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

You will love it.

So, when we last left Fat Susanna,
she was about to marry a ghost.

I think he's dead.

Well, congratulations, boys.

It seems as though the prank-ees
have become the pranksters.

And if there's any consolation,

I have taught you well, young Jedis.

Wow, thanks, Joey.

We really got you.
You never saw it coming, huh?

Never saw it coming.

Yeah.

In fact, I am so impressed
that I'm gonna clean this place up.

You guys hit the showers
before the ladies get home.

-Awesome. Thank you, Joey.
-Go on.

Get a load of someone
who's better than you. Little scamps.

♪ Ooh ♪

Okay, I've talked to a lot of old people.
One couple thought I was their daughter.

This other guy thought I'd spent
a weekend with him in Vegas,

but I'm pretty sure he was wrong.

Anyway, I don't have any leads
on the missing diamonds.

Yeah, me, either. I'm starting to think
we aren't Angel material.

I don't even know
if we're Scooby-Doo material.

Angels, I know who the jewel thief is.

That's great. Who?

That's Eddy Ray Ragusa.
I thought he looked really shady,

so I got his fingerprints
and called my buddy the cop.

Wha-- Did the perp's fingerprints
reveal a history of burglary?

It turns out Eddy Ray Ragusa
is a Nobel Prize-winning minister

who helped feed
a million starving children.

Oh, that Eddy Ray Ragusa? Yeah,
I saw a Netflix documentary about him.

Yeah, they called him
the Bad Boy of Hunger.

Yeah, yeah. Starving children. Anyway...

you still have no leads
on who stole the diamonds?

Ah, you didn't let me finish.
After I found that out,

I started Googling the names
of all the passengers,

and I discovered that one guy
did a dime upstate for grand larceny.

-Who?
-Who?

James.

Good work, Officer Gibbler.

It's Detective.
I do believe I've earned it.

[MC] Everybody run or wheel
to the dance floor.

It's time to disco.

Wait. What is James up to now?

He's about to steal Millie's necklace.

We have to stop them, Angels.

[disco music playing]

[scooter whines]

S.S. PAPOULI

[bionic sound effect]

You got me again, Farah.

You did it, D.J.
You caught the jewel thief red-handed.

I'm not a thief.

Yeah, we saw you stealing
Millie's diamonds.

I asked him to fix the clasp.

-But you two hate each other.
-We do till we get a few drinks in us.

Why do you think we come on
these cruises, the free umbrellas?

I knew they were free.

We're really, really sorry about that.

Yeah, we were just trying to help Irma
find her missing diamonds.

Oh, the diamonds.
I found them a long time ago.

This is Marilyn and Herschel Diamond.

They were downstairs playing Mahjong
with the Golds and the Silvers.

[all] Oh.

The Diamonds.

I guess there's no thief here.

Yeah, this night is a complete disaster.

Well, maybe not a complete disaster.

Look.

[all] Aw.

This night started out as Charlie's Angels
and it ended as The Love Boat.

[disco music playing]

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

[all] A complex, unmotivated dance number?

So, are you drunk enough yet?

Meet me on the lido deck and hurry up.
I'm getting sleepy.

[disco music ends]

That was really fun.

It was really nice of James
to fake heart palpitations

so they'd bring the ship
back to shore early.

Are we sure he was faking?

Who cares? We're off the boat.

Promise me no matter how old we get,
we will always have our girls' night out.

Yeah. She-wolf howl?

It's late. Whisper howl.

Okay.

[all] One, two, three.

[muffled howls]

Hey, Joey.

-Ah, hey.
-The boys in bed?

Almost. Just getting washed up.

-Joey!
-Joey!

Oh, magenta!

What the--

Looks like the old, classic
dye-in-the-shower prank.

Purple.

Joey.

Well, it looks as though
my work here is done.

Just Venmo me my 13 bucks.

[chuckles]

So long... suckers.

I love him, but he is not
a very good babysitter.

♪ La la la la la la ♪

[Carly Rae Jepsen] One, two, three, four.

♪ Oh ♪

[theme music playing]

♪ La la la la la la ♪

♪ Oh ♪