01x02 - Zack, Lies & Videotape

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Saved by the Bell: The College Years". Aired: May 1993 - February 1994.*
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Spin- off following the students in their freshmen year at California University.
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01x02 - Zack, Lies & Videotape

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♪♪

First day of college
registration is crucial.

You see, getting into the right
classes could determine

your major, your future,
and more importantly,

how late you
could sleep in the morning.

So why am I wasting my time
preparing breakfast for two?

That's why--

Leslie Burke.

Lucky me. The girl
next door is next door.

- Zack, I'm late for registration.
- I know, I know.

But you've got to start your day
off with something nice and warm.

- Breakfast?
- That, too.

That's so sweet! You made
Pop-Tarts for both of us?

Well--

Alex, look what
Zack made for us.

Oh, Zack.

You didn't have to go
to all that trouble.

Ooh, by the way, I like my
coffee with cream and sugar.

Well, ah--
how about dinner tonight?

I can't.
I am really busy.

[chuckles]

I-- I meant you.

- Sure, sounds fun.
- Good.

Pop-Tarts.

You know, rumor has it that's how
Lyle Lovett snagged Julia Roberts.

♪ I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen
such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future
looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to
me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ♪

Hey, Screech.
You got a package here.

- [grunts]
- Another care package?

Grandma Powers already sent
me everything I need.

I wonder what's in this one?

Feels like Grandma Powers.

Does it smell like mothballs
and Polident?

I'll do a lot of things for you,
kid, but I won't smell your mail.

Oh.

Get it over here, will you?

[grunts]

Excuse me, but, uh, do
you know-- uh, um.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, I'm looking for Zack Morris.

Not another one.

Look, I've already cancelled
the wet T-shirt contest.

Oh, [chuckles], no, no.

I'm Kelly Kapowski.

I went to high school
with the guys.

Oh, I understand.

Zack owes you money.
218.

Oh, wha-- um, I have been
lost for about three hours.

Can you maybe point me in
the right direction?

[grunts]

Ah! I think I can
find it from here.

- Good.
- Thanks.

[exhales sharply]

Guess who's here?

Sorry, the wet T-shirt
contest was cancelled.

Screech, it's me, Kelly!

Kelly?

- What are you doing here?
- Hey!

I'm going to school
here at Cal U.

I was on the waiting list.
And they just called me.

I can't believe it.
It's so great to see you.

Hey, you can move right
into our suite.

One of the girls just
transferred.

Oh, hey, Screech, that's great!

Listen, let's not tell Zack, OK?

I want to surprise him.

- Deal.
- OK.

You're going to love it here,
Kelly. You can stay up all night.

No one tells you when to brush
your teeth or go to bed.

- [laughs]
- Except, of course, Zack and Slater.

This is a total disaster.

All the acting classes are full.

I couldn't even get
into mime class.

- Why not?
- How should I know?

You can't get a word out
of those people.

Yes!
I'm out of here.

Tell me, how'd you get through
the line so fast?

I'm a jock.

It turns out the athletic
department pre-registered me.

Aw, m--

And all snap courses, too.
Check it out.

Theory of Solid State
Electronics.

Doesn't sound easy to me.

Our first class is learning
to program a VCR.

And what's your midterm?

Taping one show while
watching another?

Gee, I hope not.

Hey, Mr. Rogers.
What are you doing down here?

Hey, Screech.

Ah, I still need some undergraduate
courses to get my master's.

So I'm taking Sociology 101.

[laughs]

You're taking freshman
classes at your age?

- That's really--
- Really what?

Really inspiring!

Zack, I got all the
courses I wanted.

- Oh.
- What did you get?

I got Anthropology, English,
and a brand-new pair of 501's

that you are going
to love tonight.

[chuckles]

I can't wait to see them.

Good.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oops, sorry.

(SINGING) ♪ Some guys
have all the luck ♪

I had a really great time, Zack.

Good.

It was so sweet that you cried
when they freed Willy.

Oh, no, no, no. I--
I wasn't crying. I--

I had a Good & Plenty in my eye.

OK. Fine.

Let me walk you to your door.

Well, here we are.

You know, I really
like you, Zack.

Which is why I think we
shouldn't go out anymore.

What?

Look, [sighs] to you,
women are like baseball cards.

Whoa, I got a Leslie Burke.

And I want to trade
it for a Susie Johnson

and a redhead to
be named later.

Wait, wait.

Maybe you're right.

But it's only because--

I'm afraid to get too close
to a woman again.

Again?

No, no, I, I don't want
to talk about her.

- Who?
- Kelly.

Kelly Kapowski.
We went out in high school.

What happened?

She--

left me.

[chuckles]
I'm sorry, Zack.

But everyone's
been dumped before.

No, no.
You didn't let me finish.

You see, when
she left me, we were

on a boat, a sailboat.

It was very romantic.

But then the weather started
getting rough.

And tiny ship was tossed.

If not for the courage of
the fearless crew, the--

(STAMMERS) the
Coast Guard crew, I--

I would have been lost
at sea, too.

- It was--
- Oh, that's horrible.

- She drowned?
- Don't-- "drowned."

No, no, no, no. I--
I prefer to think--

she's swimming with
the mermaids.

Oh, Zack.

I feel so badly for you.

I have kept her picture with me.

Well, not the exact picture.

That one got all wet
and wrinkly.

Actually, these are reprints
that I had made.

Oh, she's so pretty.

Yes.

Yes, she was.

She really was.

Hey, Zack!
Guess who?

Kelly!
You made it!

I don't believe it!
It's a miracle!

Oh! [laughs]

Not really.
I was on the waiting list.

Oh, she's alert.

She's alive.

She's dry.

Zack, that ship has
sailed and sunk.

And so have you.

Oh, did I interrupt something?

Was that your girlfriend?

Because your old girlfriend
living with your new girlfriend,

that could be a little
awkward. [chuckles]

Yeah, it could.

Wait a minute. You're living--

- Right here.
- Right he--

I'm going to be in your
suite. I'll be Leslie's roommate.

You are?

Well, (STAMMERS) there's 30,000
other students here.

How could that have happened?

Don't thank me, Zack.

It took some doing, but
it was my pleasure.

You owe me big, (DRAWLS) buddy!

- Group hug!
- Uh!

Zack, you're hugging a bit hard.

[honks horn]

Gosh, Screech.

Would you please park your
nerd-cycle outside?

But someone might steal it.

And then what would happen?

Then someone else would
look like an idiot.

[honks horn]

[rings bike bell]

I'm-- I'm sorry.
So I told a little fib.

A little?
You k*lled the girl.

Yeah, but I k*lled her for you.

Look, Leslie, there's absolutely
nothing between Kelly and me anymore.

Well, it doesn't matter because I
have no interest in you whatsoever.

Ooh-hoo, you are toast.

Not yet, I'm not.

I was thinking, I could sneak
a look at her schedule.

Well, what good will that do?

Well, if I'm in Leslie's
classes, I'll sit next to her.

We'll be in study
groups together.

We'll pull all-nighters.

- Aah.
- Ha?

Education is a wonderful
thing, Slater.

Tell me about it.

In Folk Art 101, I'm learning to
crochet an afghan for my mom.

[chuckles]

So, uh, you know, um,

we haven't had
much chance to talk.

So, uh, let's see, um, what
are you majoring in, huh?

Nothing.

What does it matter? I didn't
get a single class I wanted.

Look at this--
English, Language, History.

Do you call that an education?
Because I don't!

And if I don't get a
class in my major soon,

life as I know it will be over
and I will just shrivel up and die.

[sobs]

Let me guess.
Drama major?

How'd you know?

Uh, it's just a hunch.

So are you going to be
here the whole year?

Uh, I don't want to be critical,

but if I have people
over,

would you mind hiding
the dinosaur in the closet?

Oh, I guess they are
a little silly.

It's just, you know,
being away from home,

they kind of
make me feel better.

I mean, this place is so big and
the people are just so--

different.

You noticed that, too.

So, Kelly, uh, tell us
all about yourself.

[chuckles]

Well, let's see.
Um, I'm from L.A.

And I come from a big family.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. So
how close were you and Zack?

Oh, well, we were pretty
serious for a while.

I mean, he was the first
guy I ever kissed.

Well, I mean, really kissed.

Fine, that's enough.

Boy, she goes on and on.

Well, I'm just going to go
look for the laundry room.

So, Leslie, are we
a little jealous?

Of Kel-- get out of here!

(SINGING) ♪ Leslie likes Zack ♪

♪ Leslie likes Zack ♪

I'm not!
He-- he's a con artist.

And do you know he's trying to
get into all of my classes?

So, tsk, well, wait till he gets
a look at this schedule.

Excuse me.

Do you know if there's a Leslie
Burke in this class?

- [door opens]
- Good morning.

Welcome to Advanced Mandarin
Chinese 503.

Since you're already proficient,
I won't waste time with basics.

Just remember, from this point on,
no English will be spoken in this class.

Excuse me.

Oh, [chuckles], I--

I think I'm in the wrong class.

You see, the schedule just
has the course number.

I didn't know--

No, no, really.

Um, you see, I only took this
class because I thought this

girl I know would be in it.

Hi, Zack!

Oh, [speaking chinese].

I'm sorry.

But look on the bright side.

By spring break, you'll be
able to pick up bimbos in Beijing.

Yup, I had it coming and just to
show you there's no hard feelings,

there is an R.E.M. concert
at the Pavilion tomorrow night.

What do you say?

Can I have another chance?

I don't know, Zack. I'm
still not sure if I can trust you.

Oh, come on.
It is a concert.

There'll be 18,000 other
people there.

If it doesn't work out between
us, who knows?

Maybe you'll meet Mr. Right
at the Porta-Potties.

Well, since you put it that way,

how can a girl refuse?

Terrific.

- See you.
- See you back at the dorm.

Hey, Zack.
Am I glad to see you.

I thought I was going to have
to eat alone again.

Actually, I've already eaten.

Oh, well, that's OK.

I'll just take something
up to my room.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You
know me, I could eat any time.

Actually, it's a nice evening.

Why don't we just go outside
in the square?

- Oh, yeah, the square.
- Yeah.

I think I got lost
there yesterday.

But I'm starting to find
my way around.

Good.
Let's get some food.

- OK.
- Uh, Kelly.

Yeah? Oh.

[chuckles]

Yeah, that looks pretty
tough, Mr. Rogers.

You ought to take some
of my courses.

History of Television is great.

I got an A in "Gilligan's
Island."

Yeah, I know.

Back when I played football
here, I took all the no-brainers --

Advanced Disco,
Physics of Frisbee.

Hey, sounds like fun.

Yeah, it was.

But, uh, in today's economy,
there's not much demand

for a guy who can catch
a Frisbee in his teeth.

KELLY (OFFSCREEN): [giggles]

Oh, I can't believe
how late it got.

I know. It's been a long time
since we talked till midnight.

Yeah.

You remember that
night in Palm Springs?

Well, technically that
wasn't talking.

Yeah, but we used our lips.

Ooh.

You know, I-- I might have seemed a
little distant when you first showed up,

but, uh, I'm really
glad you came here.


Me, too.

I don't know if you've
noticed, but, uh,

I was pretty
scared at first.

But I've started to feel more at
home lately, thanks to you.

Hm.
What are friends for?

You're more than a friend
to me, Zack.

I am?

Are you thinking maybe you
and I can get started up again?

Actually, I think I'm
already started up,

halfway out the driveway,
and burning rubber.

Oh!

Oh!

Oohh!

[snoring]

[door opens]

Hey, turn off the light!

Sorry, sorry, guys.

OK, I got a problem here.

You see, I like Leslie, right?

And she likes me.

And I like Kelly.

And she also likes me.

I got two great girls in
there who like me.

Don't you just hate it
when that happens?

Wait a minute.

Maybe I don't have a problem.

You will if you don't
turn off that light!

I'm sorry, guys.

- See, here's the thing.
- (GROANS) Ah, great.

You see, Kelly and I have this--

this history together, you know.

I-- I feel comfortable with her.

Then on the other hand, Leslie --
oh, she's exciting.

I mean, she's--

she's a new adventure.

They're both beautiful.

Slater, what should I do?

[sighs] Listen, man.

I can't tell you that.

Nobody can decide that but you.

Well, I can.

You see, Zack, it's like this.

See, Kelly's an old friend.

She's a woman of great warmth.

She's decent and has high
moral standards.

That settles it.
Go for the blonde.

Lights off.

[groans]

Sorry to barge in, guys.

But Zack, we need to
talk right now.

Uh, I know. Um, let's
go in the living room.

No, we can't.
Kelly might hear us.

Right.
Uh, guys, would you mind?

I should have roomed with that
kid studying for the priesthood.

Sorry, sorry.

Look, Zack.

Kelly told me you two
are back together.

And I understand how these
things happen.

And I'm happy for both of you.

Whoa, Leslie, wait.

I-- I can't believe how nice
you're being about this. And--

I can't believe how absolutely
beautiful your eyes are.

Kelly had it all wrong.

I mean, I like her, but not
as much as I like you.

Do you really mean that, Zack?

Yes.

Yes, I do. And I'm going to go
over there and tell her right now.

You just wait here, OK?

OK.

- [groans]
- Hey, turn off the light already!

Really sorry.

[knocks on door]

Yeah?

Kelly.

Alex, Alex!

What?
What?

Would you excuse
us for a minute?

Oh.

Is this a dream?

Yes.
Yes, it is.

Kelly.

Shh.
Listen.

I know you have feelings
for me, right?

And I have feelings for you.

But as you may have guessed,
Leslie and I--

boy, those are cute pajamas.

Uh, thanks.

But wha-- what about Leslie?

Leslie, right, oh!

You see, I was supposed to go to
this concert with her, and

I'd much rather go with you.

Just wait right here while I
break it off with her, OK?

- OK.
- OK.

(SCREECH AND SLATER TOGETHER)
Turn off the light!

Is Kelly all right?

How'd she take it?

- Surprisingly, well.
- [sighs]

Must have been so hard for you.

Wait right here.

Don't worry, guys.
Everything is cool, hah.

Yeah, good night, idiot.

Kelly, uh--

[chuckles]

got to run.
Bye.

Did he talk to you?

Yeah, but he said he was
going to talk to you.

I think we better talk.

- Guys, do you mind?
- Oh, man.

[groaning and grunting]

Boy, this is the weirdest dream.

Hi, Slater! How's
your new schedule?

[panting]
Classes--

spread--

all over--

campus.

Need to borrow your bike.

Oh, you mean the nerd-cycle?

Yeah.

Sorry, Slater, it's booked
through January.

Hm.
[bike bell rings]

There you are, Debbie.

Jennifer, it's your turn.

Let me just show you how
to squeeze the horn.

It's a wee bit tricky.

[horn honks]

"World History," "Cultural
Anthropology"?

Pretty big books, Slater.

What are you, taking that course
where you press flowers?

Uh, no.

I gave up my slam-dunk schedule.

I re-registered for
real classes.

You did the right thing.

So there's an opening in
that TV course, huh?

Oh, no.
I kept that.

Next week, we're covering
"Bewitched."

Hey, I'm in this
literature course.

So maybe I'll see you there.

How could I miss you?

Hey, Mike.

Thanks.

OK.

Heads, I take Leslie to the
concert; tails, Kelly.

Kelly. Leslie. Listen--

I, I know you both must be mad.

No, no, we're not.

You see, we realized that you
didn't want to hurt either one of us.

That's kind of sweet.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

And we know what terrible
stress you've been under.

So we decided to do what's
best for you.

Oh, yeah, oh, I have been under
a lot of stress lately.

Look, my first wrinkle.

Aw.

So I've been thinking Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday,

Kelly and I can
go out, and then--

Oh, I have a better
solution, Zack.

Neither one of us is going
to go out with you.

Hm.

Then again, stress is not
necessarily a negative thing--

- No, no. I--
- It's very serious.

Nuh, uh, no.

So I think you should
sit back, put your feet up,

and have a nice,
relaxing evening.

And Kelly and I will go to
the concert together.

Thank you.

Great!

I'm feeling better already.

[chuckles]

Ah, you know what? Maybe
it worked out for the best.

I mean, I was pretty
stressed out.

And I've learned something.

You should never, ever
date your roommates.

[door opens]

Zack, the most wonderful
thing happened.

One of the kids has mono.

I got into drama class!

Oh, well, congratulations!

Now, if Jodie Foster gets hit
by a bus, I am on my way.

Ha-ha.

Do you want to go get
something to eat?

Sure.

I know this wonderful little
Mandarin Chinese restaurant.

Ooh, that sounds good.

Yeah.

Is that a new perfume
you're wearing?

- Zack!
- What?

What do I say if
no one's coming?

You say nothing!

Right.

- Zack!
- What?

Nothing.

- Zack!
- What?

Nothing.

-Wha--
-Nothing in here, either.

Nothing in here, either.

[theme music]
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