01x11 - The Trip

[bunniefuu]

( Baby crying )

Dillon?

Hey there, buddy.

Whatcha doin' awake so late?

Does he look okay to you?

He's just fussin' a little is all.

He doesn't look a little funny?

Of course he looks a little funny.

That's his daddy's nose.

He's just a little sleepy.

♪ The bear went over the mountain ♪

♪ the bear went over ♪ There's my baby's smile.

Why don't you go back to bed?

I'll be in as soon as he falls asleep.

You sure?

Yeah, it's alright, go back to sleep.

Okay.

( Radio chatter )

You're still here?

What, no breakfast?

I've got to go to work.

You were a lot nicer online.

Yeah, well, people aren't always who they seem to be.

Tell me about it.

You need to leave.

Now.

Whatever.

See you in the chat rooms.

Jim.

( Loud heavy metal music )

Again...

Again...

Again...

Hey.

f*cking bitch!

Morning, mom.

( Billy on phone ) Bren...

Bren, if you're there pick up, it's Billy.

Pick up the phone, Brenda.

f*ck you.

Pick up the f*cking phone...

Please?

f*ck you.

Look, I need you, Bren, things are not good.

I...

Need...

You.

Brenda...

Goddamnit, f*ck!

Bitch!

Lovely way to wake up, huh?

Brenda, you're gonna have to face him sometime.

Sometime, just not now.

Let's get major espressos, take a walk on the beach.

Can't, I gotta get ready for my trip.

What trip?

Vegas, baby, Vegas!

The annual western states funeral director's conference.

Was that today?

I thought that was months away.

No, just me and David and 300 funeral directors, cutting loose in the city of sin.

Why would you do that to yourself?

One, we get to attend helpful seminars where we learn new tricks of the trade.

Two, we get to commiserate with all the other sad fucks who are being edged out by Kroehner.

Three, we have the perfect opportunity to get in Matt Gilardi's face and tell him we know Kroehner b*rned down the house across the street.

Ah, the ongoing pissing contest.

That'll be good for you and David.

You'll have fun.

I don't know how much fun he's gonna have.

He's giving this big speech about the future of the independent funeral home.

David doesn't strike me as the type of guy who gives speeches.

My dad was scheduled to do it.

Dave volunteered to fill in.

It's kind of a big deal for him, he's pretty nervous about it.

Call me from Vegas.

I will.

Unless I'm flailing about in a pool having sex with some showgirl.

I'll miss you.

( Phone )

Oh, f*ck you!

I know this is an exceptionally difficult time for you, but, can you tell us what you had in mind for your son's...

I'm sorry.

We're only here because the hospital suggested we call you guys, we're not even sure what we're doing here.

He was a perfectly healthy baby.

Can I ask, what was the cause of...

Uh, SIDS.

Yes, well, if you need to take some time before we start making arrangements, that's completely understandable.

The arrangements?

What arrangements?

For his funeral.

Funeral?

He was only three weeks old.

It might help...

If you think of it less as a funeral and more as a way of saying goodbye to him.

I don't want to say goodbye, he just barely got here.

Of course it's difficult for anyone to come to terms with something as unexpected as this, but...

It's not just difficult.

It's not even remotely possible.

Some babies are just too good for this world.

We'll fix things so you can spend as much time with him as you need.

How old is he?

Barely three weeks.

SIDS?

Yeah.

Oh, Jesus.

You should've been here for the intake.

The parents are practically children themselves.

They didn't even know they were supposed to have a funeral.

Welcome back, Rico.

Thanks, Nate.

You sure you're up to this?

Yeah, it's no problem.

We'll only be gone 'til Sunday.

If you need anything, I can hop on a plane and be back here in an hour and a half.

I'll be fine.

I have some of your t-shirts here, they're still warm.

Mom.

Oh, don't let me stop you.

You know, I probably should take a couple of those t-shirts with me to Las Vegas.

David, I want to ask you something.

I'm really kind of in a hurry here.

I just wanted to know...

Are you...

Mom, can we talk about this when I get back from Las Vegas?

Yes, of course.

That's a lovely idea.

We'll talk about it when you get back from Las Vegas.

Mrs. Dimas?

Uh, it's Claire Fisher.

I'm sorry to keep calling, I was just wondering if you...

Heard anything from Gabe yet.

What?

When?

Oh, my god.

Is he okay?

What hospital?

Okay, thank you, Mrs. Dimas, thank you.

You are late.

10 minutes.

I know, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I just want you to know that I notice this kinds of things.

It won't happen again, Nikolai.

We have to talk.

It's about your work.

I said I was sorry for being late.

No, no, no, has nothing to do with being late.

Is about how you arrange the flowers.

What?

There have been complaints from some of the customers.

There have not.

Oh, afraid so.

Ruth, you are not so good at arranging.

I am too.

No, you're not.

From now on, Robbie will handle arrangements and you will work the register and help with the books.

I don't want to help with the books!

I helped my husband with the books for over 30 years.

I want to do flower arrangements.

Tell me what's wrong with my arrangements.

Not all arrangements are for funerals, cupcake.

You think my arrangements look...

Funereal?

It's like Robbie said, there have been a few complaints from some customers.

We done talking now.

Robbie will do the arrangements.

You will work on the register.

Hey, are you gonna nail Gilardi for the arson job in your speech?

No.

Why not?

Hmm, let's think.

Possible libel charges, maybe.

Mind if I say something to him?

Yes, don't.

p*ssy.

Nate, do we have any evidence against him? No.

Apparently the police don't either.

I don't want you picking a fight with Gilardi.

Why not?

You basically threatened to k*ll him that one time.

( Horn )

I'm coming with you.

Uh, great.

It's okay? Yeah.

I need to get out of here.

Alright.

Oh, my god, is that a penis?

Rico!

I'm sorry.

It is, isn't it?

Your wife doesn't want me to say.

The baby's okay, right?

The baby is fine.

But you have mild to moderate pre-eclampsia.

What is pre-eclampsia?

A 10-dollar word for prenatal hypertension.

Your blood pressure is a little higher than we'd like.

It could cause you and the baby some problems, if it gets out of hand, but we're not gonna let that happen.

What kind of problems?

Let's not even go there.

This baby's fine.

Worse comes to worse, we go in a little early, we do a c-section.

We'll take a look at your labs and check your blood pressure in a day or two and see how we're doing then.

Until then, I want you on strict bed rest.

I really wouldn't worry about this.

The baby is fine.

Hey.

Hey.

If you came looking to collect more money for Anthony's funeral, I'm all tapped out at the moment.

This one...

sh**t up too much speed and heroin.

Now I'm stuck paying for this fancy-ass hotel room to the tune of 400 bucks a pop while they keep him under observation.

I'm going out for coffee and smokes.

Speed and heroin?

Yeah, well, I thought I'd try something different.

Different like with a needle in your arm?

Hey, what is this?!

20 f*cking questions?!

I've been through this already, alright?

With the doctors, with the police, with my mom.

Now I gotta put your mind at ease, too?

I'm sorry.

I would've been fine if you had just minded your own f*cking business.

Well, excuse me for giving a sh*t!

This wasn't an accident, was it?

I wish you would just f*cking leave already.

( Raising TV volume )

Fine, here.

( TV chatter )

"The emerging role of funeral directors in mass aviation disasters."

That sounds like fun.

Do you realize how many of these seminars are sponsored by Kroehner?

Who's Jasmine Brecker?

She's either a federal judge or a sex surrogate, I haven't decided yet.

You got any matches?

Sure.

Thank you.

Okay, boys...

Let's mingle.

When in Rome.

I think maybe my expectations of this trip were a little high.

Oh, great, happy hour.

Well, well.

The Fisher brothers.

You know, I wondered if...

You'd even bother to show.

I understand you'll be speaking tomorrow, in place of your father.

What was your...

Topic again?

The future of independent funeral homes.

Well, I'm certainly looking forward to that.

I'd invite you boys to the Kroehner party at the Luxor, but...

It's only for affiliates.

Oh, damn, 'cause we'd really like to be there.

I mean, I'm sure you corporate lackeys really know how to party.

Have fun with the other dinosaurs, boys.

Oh, Matt, I have something for you.

This is a pack of matches.

This is for a can of lighter fluid.

Next time you need to unload some cumbersome real estate, you'll be all set.

Nate, that was not smart.

I should've set his f*cking hair on fire.

Bottoms up.

♪ Well, baby, what I couldn't do ♪

♪ with plenty of money and you ♪ I love Las Vegas.

It has to be the most artificial place on earth.

You think so, more than Disneyland?

Oh, come on, more than Japan.

Ooh.

Oh, my god.

What are all these little cartoon explosions all over their butts?

They look like they're farting.

Yeah, look, coupons.

Hey, Dave, you wanna walk across the street with us, get some of that famous Las Vegas $4.99 prime rib?

I have it on good authority it's just as good as the $6.99 prime rib over there.

No, I think I'll just head up to my room, order some room service, make an early night of it.

You sure?

Yeah, I should work on my speech, anyway.

Okay.

Well, we'll see you in the morning.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Not likely.

I have two words for you.

Lap...

Dance.

Who says I want a lap dance?

Who says it's for you, baby?

Ooh, kinky.

I thought I like, told you to leave.

I drove all the way out here to Barstow, if you think I'm just gonna turn around and drive back, you're seriously whacked.

This is, like, totally bumfuck Egypt out here.

You spent the night?

Yeah, I slept in my car.

My mom still here?

No, she went out for more cigarettes.

Did you say anything to her about...

No.

Are you gonna?

I haven't decided.

You hungry?

No.

I can't eat this hospital sh*t, it all tastes the same.

Here.

I got you an Egg McMuffin 'cause I know they're your favorite.

How is it?

f*cking cold.

But good.

Thanks.

In this class, we're gonna be working on free form summer arrangements and if we have any time at the end of class, I'm not promising because I want us to get to our breathing exercises, but if we have time, we might try a spiky arrangement or two.

( Oohing and ahhing )

But first we're gonna start by doing a little work treating our stems.

And we're gonna start by working with our Woody stems because they can be a little on the tricky side and require the most t-l-c.

Tough loving care.

Okay, let's start with an azalea, one of my favorites.

Starting an inch or two from the bottom of the stem, and if it's a thick stem, we really have to smash them.

We split the stem vertically.

Does anyone know why we do this?

Anyone?

Yes.

So, it will draw more water?

Very good.

Did everyone hear that?

So it will draw...

More water.

Okay, does everyone have their hammers?

Let's begin.

Hey.

Hey.

You're supposed to be in bed.

I needed to get some Turkey Franks and milk for Julio.

Why didn't you call me?

I could've stopped home on my way from work.

He has a snack at 3:30.

Why didn't you call your sister?

She just got two days on a Nicholas cage movie.

She plays this hooker who witnesses a m*rder and then gets r*ped and k*lled, she's got lines and everything!

She wants me to come visit her on the set.

Well, you're supposed to be in bed.

I got bored, I went to the market.

What's the big deal?

What are you doing home this time of day anyway?

I came home for lunch, I was worried.

Rico, please, I'm fine.

I'm not just worried about you.

Okay.

This is about the baby at work.

I just can't do it.

Of course you can.

He looks like...

Like he's sleeping.

Like a baby who's fallen asleep.

He was three weeks old, there was nothing wrong with him.

And then, just like that...

He dies.

For no reason.

How can that be?

How can the beginning and end be so damn close together?

And now, I've got this real bad feeling.

I haven't done a baby since Julio was born.

David always does them.

So, make David do this one.

David's in Vegas until tomorrow.

The viewing is this afternoon.

Some babies just aren't meant for this world, Rico.

But this one is.

If you'll turn to page seven in your notebooks, we'll go step-by-step through the most challenging cranial facial reconstruction I ever faced.

If we could go to the next slide, please

oh, my god.

Aw, Jesus.

That sh*t is f*cked up.

Nate, this is Chloe Yorkin.

The job Federico left us to do for Kroehner?

That is like f*cking science fiction.

The first question my team and I asked ourselves was not, as it might have been at a facility with less resources, can we do this?

They don't even credit Rico by name.

Oh, man, he's gonna be furious.

( Laughing )

Oh, god.

Well, that is a very generous offer, Roger, but unfortunately I am in a relationship at the moment...

Deal me in.

Jesus, Billy.

Hold on.

Hey, hey, so, where's your boyfriend?

What are you doing here?

I love Vegas.

You know I love Vegas.

And sometimes when my sister isn't there when I need her, I hop in my car, start driving, and wind up here.

Billy, you're lying.

I'm really not, okay?

I just saw you at the Blackjack table.

It was a total coincidence.

You're a f*cking liar.

You're a selfish, manipulative, narcissistic liar.

What did mom and dad tell you?

Uh, they told me that you made a b*mb.

That's f*cking hilarious.

So, now I'm like, what, a t*rror1st?

Billy McVeigh?

They're f*cking liars, Brenda!

They hate each other and they're miserable and they're jealous of us and they want us to hate each other too.

So, they lie to us!

No, they lied to me, you lied to me.

You let me believe that you tried to k*ll yourself.

Do you know how f*cked that is?

You know what, I was so f*ckin' drugged up, I don't even really remember what happened.

Dad showed me what you wrote.

I was kidding, okay?

It wasn't serious.

Do you have any idea what I gave up for you?

Because I thought that if you tried to k*ll yourself again and succeeded I could tell myself that I did everything I could to save you.

And you did.

You have saved me every day since then.

Yeah, well, f*ck you!

Brenda!

Just back off.

You heard her, now, f*ck off!

Nice.

Are you okay?

He followed us here.

Well, I hate to say it, but I'm not entirely surprised.

Very nice.

Oh, luscious...

This is a little...

Tight.

Tight?

You're not breathing right.

I'm not?

You're breathing from here.

When you should be breathing from here.

But my lungs are here.

Of course they are.

I'm speaking metaphorically.

If you breathe from up here, your arrangements will come from up here.

If you breathe from down here, your arrangements will come from down here.

And that's good?

That's very good.

Do you do yoga?

No.

Okay, would everybody grab a yoga mat in the next room?

We're gonna do some breathing exercises before we break for dinner.

You're a bit of a control freak, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

I don't think I am.

Am I?

Yes.

And control freaks do not make good arrangers.

Believe me, I know.

I used to be a control freak too.

But, you know, what?

You can get over it.

All you have to do is learn to breathe.

Are you on anti-depressants?

No!

Oh, well, lord knows I'd be lost without my Saint John's wort.

There are countless challenges facing independent funeral homes today.

Changing social attitudes toward death and dying, economic hardship in communities both large and small.

Oh, what the hell?

We all know what the real challenge is.

How are you doing today, Mr. Gilardi?

Fine, thank you.

Glad to hear it.

We all know of a certain organization that controls the flow of prep room supplies, caskets, cemetery property, and flowers to everyone in this room.

And believe me, that organization will stoop to almost any means to make sure that the independent funeral home has no future.

But hear me out.

My father was in this business for over 35 years.

He...

He thought it was okay to tell people about a cheaper casket.

He didn't always try to talk people out of cremation.

There were even times I actually heard him say, "to hell with our profit margin on this."

These words are heresy to a certain organization because profit is all it cares about, no matter how many P.R.-Motivated seminars it sponsors.

And that organization wants us independents to believe that we cannot afford to be like my father anymore.

Well, I'm sorry, but that's bullshit.

Don't get me wrong, my father worried about the bottom line too.

But he worried more about other things, like comforting people, and helping them face profound loss.

Maybe now, maybe now, more than ever, we should all try to be a little more like him.

Thank you.

( Whistling )

How'd I do?

Are you kidding?

You kicked some serious ass, you big freak.

You didn't come home last night.

It's not like it was a school night.

Would you like me to make you something to eat?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Do you think I'm a control freak?

Um, yeah.

Where do you think David gets it from?

Your father was very controlling.

Not like you.

That's not nice.

You asked.

You're not as bad as you used to be.

May I ask where you were all night?

In Barstow.

What in god's name were you doing there?

I was visiting a friend of mine who's in the hospital.

Who?

Gabriel Dimas.

The young man whose brother...

Yeah.

What was he doing in the hospital?

He OD'd.

Good lord.

Claire...

He's obviously a deeply disturbed boy.

You need to steer clear of him.

Let his family deal with this.

Well, let's take stock for a second, shall we?

His little brother's dead.

His father's dead.

His stepfather b*at him up.

His white trash mother who smokes like a fish could give a sh*t.

That leaves no one.

Was his overdose an accident?

Of course it was an accident.

Because sometimes these things aren't.

And if it wasn't, it could happen again.

There's an 80% chance that someone...

It wasn't a su1c1de attempt.

I hope for his sake you're right.

But if you're wrong, Claire...

I don't want you getting too close to him.

( Breathing deeply )

Look at him...

He's a star.

I just want you guys to meet someone.

This is my brother, and uh, partner.

Nathaniel Jr.

And his, uh...

Jasmine.

Hey there, I'm Neil Schager.

Schager and sons from flagstaff.

Raymond Dooley.

Dooley and moss funeral home, Reno, Nevada.

Moss couldn't be here.

Bladder cancer.

That was a hell of a speech David made.

Almost made me cry when those Kroehner bastards got up and left.

Those f*ckers have been trying to buy us out for five g*dd*mn years.

Your father was a good man.

Yes, he was.

Y'all don't mind if we drag your little brother out with us, do you?

I really shouldn't.

You gotta let us buy you a drink at least.

You're our hero.

Well, maybe just a quick one.

Quick one, my aunt Fanny.

We're gonna make a night of it.

Hey, you want to go with?

The more the merrier.

Oh, I don't think so.

We're just gonna lay low tonight.

Yeah, but you guys have fun.

Okay, your loss.

Excuse me.

We'd just like to thank you.

Very much.

He looks so beautiful.

I'm glad you're pleased.

Mike's mom and dad drove down from Salinas.

Yeah.

They never got a chance to meet him.

Now it's almost like they did.

Do you have children?

Yes, yes, I do.

I have a four-year-old boy and...

Yes.

We'd like to be alone with him for a little while if that's okay.

Oh, absolutely, absolutely.

Please take as much time as you need.

Say fromage!

Fromage.

Hey.

Hey.

You were really great today, Nate.

Standing up to Billy.

I felt like some white trash girl whose boyfriend was the biggest bad-ass in town.

Your brother's seriously ill, Brenda.

Yeah, whatever.

But you know what?

We're in faux Paris, so, let's party.

( French song playing )

( Dance music playing )

Hi.

I'm Amber.

David.

You're a lucky guy...

David.

I am?

Very.

Your friend just bought you a lap dance with me.

Excuse me?

So, where you from, David?

Uh, Boston.

That is the coldest place I ever lived.

What part of town you live in?

Uh, downtown.

Are you even enjoying this...

At all?

Yeah, I'm loving it, why?

Because...

Your d*ck isn't responding one bit.

Look, I'm gay.

It's not you.

Honey.

It never is me.

Well, if you're gay.

You won't mind if we cut this one short, will you?

What happened, buddy?

Pop your cork too soon?

He's gay, you idiots.

I wish you would've told us that.

Believe me, so do I.

Thanks for a lovely evening, fellas.

Great, great.

I'll meet you out front.

Thank you.

♪ I got your phone number, baby ♪

♪ I'll call you sometime ♪ Hello, Brad.

( Sighing )

Very nice.

( Sighing )

Jim.

Brad?

Yeah.

You look...

Different from the ad.

That's from '91.

I've been meaning to update it.

I've just been...

You know, busy.

You're...

Almost 20 minutes late.

My previous appointment ran a little over.

What can I say, Brad's a busy boy.

How much?

You're not a cop, right?

No, I'm not a cop.

'Cause if you are, that's entrapment.

I'm not a cop.

You are kind of cute.

Thank you.

$200...

Gets you a pony ride all the way to the moon and back.

Up front.

Now, would be a good time.

All I've got is $80.

Fine, fine.

Fine.

Where do you want to go, Jimbo?

I don't know.

Where are you staying?

I'm not taking you back to my room.

Okay.

Don't want to wake the wife, I get it.

Then...

Where do you want to do this?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Jimbo, give it to me.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah!

You like that, don't you, f*gg*t?

Oh, yeah.

( Moaning )

( Sirens )

Okay, boys, party's over.

When you're done there, Sally, you're allowed one phone call.

He's all yours.

Thanks.

Thanks for coming.

I didn't know who else to call.

You okay?

I'm fine.

You didn't think you'd get caught doing something this f*cked up?

I wasn't thinking.

Clearly.

Were you using condoms?

I was drunk, I was very drunk.

You're lucky I had a couple connections with the Vegas P.D.

All the charges are being dropped and your file's being tossed.

Next time you won't be this lucky.

Thank you for doing this.

David, I did this because I love you.

But I won't ever do it again.

This sh*t isn't good for either one of us.

You need to get yourself some help.

Goodbye, David.

Hey, hey, what is it, what's wrong?

Something's not right with the baby.

What?

C'mon, let's go.

I'll call your sister.

We'll bring Julio over later on.

Hey, you.

Late night?

Not really.

We tried calling your room this morning.

But you didn't seem to be in.

I must've been in the shower.

Did you have fun with the guys?

I suppose so.

From a purely anthropological standpoint.

Do you mind driving?

Okay.

Thank you.

Let's get the hell out of here.

I think somebody got lucky last night.

This is good, yeah.

You have been practicing.

Practicing.

I am a graduate.

The learning annex?

Wow, I hear that school's really hard to get into.

Robbie, go take care of customer.

Today, Ruth is going to do all the arrangement.

Nikolai, get your head out of your pants for two seconds.

That diploma means nothing.

It just means she plunked down a couple hundred dollars.

Have you got diploma from flower class?

I have been arranging professionally for almost 20 years.

Good, today Ruth does arrangement.

( Laughing )

Where's your mom?

She drove home today 'cause she had to go into work.

They said I might be getting outta here this afternoon, though.

What are you...?

Shh.

I love you.

I love you, too.

There's an adorable sh*t of you.

There's like three of you with that cowboy hat guy.

Oh, yeah?

By the way, I slept with him.

Was that wrong?

Aw, man, you took one of me in the shower?

Come on.

You looked so cute, I had to.

What?

Come on, it can't be that bad.

Oh, f*ck.

Oh, f*ck, Billy!

Oh, sh*t.

( Sobbing )

Vitals are good.

Okay, we're almost there.

How we doing, Mrs. Diaz?

Fine.

Almost got him.

Him?

Yup, that's right.

I hate to spoil the surprise, but you have another son.

It's a boy, baby, did you hear that?

I knew it was gonna be a boy.

Shut up.

Heart rate's dropping.

Okay, let's get him out.

Pull the catheter.

Here you go.

Is the cord compressed?

Yup, clamp.

Breathe, come on.

Suction.

Hey...

Where are they taking him?

Just to heat him up a little.

Have you picked out a name yet?

Augusto, after my father.

Is there something wrong with my baby?

We're just gonna warm him up, make sure his airways are clear.

( Baby crying )

Is he okay?

He's gonna be just fine.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

You swear on a stack of bibles?

Okay, Augusto.

It's time to meet the parents.

Hello, Augusto.

He looks just like Julio.

He is so pissed off.

Can I grab him?

Okay.

Here we go.

Hey.