02x04 - Driver's Education

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪





♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

I am in a great mood.

Driver's Ed starts today,

and that means I'm inches away
from driving, cruising,

and better yet, parking.

Hi, Zack.

And speaking of parking... ooh.

Kelly, I got you a present.

A ring?

Zack, we're just dating.
I'm not ready to go steady.





I know that.

This is just a friendship ring,

'cause friendship is the boat
that happy people sail on.

You sound like a Hallmark card.

Well, that's where I read it.

That is so sweet. Is there
anything nice I can do for you?

Well, do the words,
"Lay a big one on me, baby,"

mean anything to you?

Yes, they do.
Why don't we start with this?

- Wow!
- You're welcome.

- What a kiss.
- Morning, Morris.

Morning, my love.

(sighs)

Screech, you don't have
to wear that for Driver's Ed.

I take driving very seriously.

Besides, it keeps the football team
from giving me noogies.

Slater, see that friendship ring
I gave Kelly?

From now on,
it's Kelly and Zack, exclusive.

I guess that means
more babes for us.

Yeah, right.

Ow!

Cheap Japanese helmet!

- (bell rings)
- Okay,

let's start
our engines of curiosity.

Vroom, vroom, vroom!

Screech, what is this?

A car.

Wrong. It's a responsibility
and a privilege.

You'll never drive unless you learn
to operate it correctly.

Come on, Mr. Tuttle,
any yo-yo can learn to drive.

And perhaps that's
why you're here, Mr. Morris.

Oh, ho, ho, I love hecklers.

Now, Jessie, what's the speed limit
on most freeways?

You know this one, you know
this one, you know this one.

55 miles per hour.

Excellent!
I wish you were my child!

Now, can you pass someone
over a double yellow line?

- Kelly.
- No, you can't.

This is why
I went into teaching!

Okay, Lisa, listen up.

Why do you put your left arm
straight out the window?

That's easy -- to dry your nails.

N-O, no.

It's to make a left turn.

Okay, time to drive forward!
Vroom, vroom, vroom.

Zack, what is the correct
driving position?

Well, sir, for me it's one hand on
the wheel, one arm around Kelly.

Zack!

Mr. Tuttle, sir, the correct
driving position

is the left hand at 10:00,

and the right hand at 2:00.

That way you'll have
full control of your car.

Mr. Slater,
my brain salutes you!

Teacher's pet.

But you're the one who belongs
on a leash, Mr. Morris.

My dad taught me
how to drive on an Army base.

Isn't that great?
Slater knows how to drive.

Big deal.

Yeah, my dad let me back the car
out of the garage once.

Then he got mad at me.

Well, Screech, your father
was probably nervous.

He had a right to be.
I forgot to open the garage door.

I hope he has dork insurance.

I'm serious, you gotta take
Driver's Ed seriously,

or you're not gonna
get your license.

- Don't sweat it.
- Hi, Kelly.

Hey, see the ring?

- Hi, Kelly.
- See the ring?

Zack, we are not going steady.
This is just a friendship ring.

- Hi, Zackie.
- See the ring?

Why's everybody so down?

None of us have
enough money for a car.

I'm gonna drive my father's
Porsche when I turn 16.

Slip into your PJ's baby,
'cause you're dreaming.

Hey guys,
I've got some great news.

Your last baby tooth fell out!

No, I just bought a car!

- Can we see it?
- Sure, come on over to the house.

You know, Slater, if I hadn't
gotten that ring for Kelly,

I could've bought a car.

Batteries or wind-up?

I just couldn't believe it
when I saw it on the lot.

It's exactly the car I wanted.

Well, what do you think?

It's...

nice.

Really nice... really.

Yeah, it's-- it's all Lisa said.

Gosh, it's got
a license plate holder, too.

Well, it's everything I hoped it
would be and more!

Well, Slater,
your Malibu Classic, my Valiant.

We know what kind
of wheels chicks dig.

Excuse me, little man,
but we are not chicks.

She's right, Screech.
Listen to the babe.

I'm not a babe.

And I respect that, Sugar Lips.

You can open up
a juice stand with this old lemon.

Listen, Preppie,
this baby's gonna look great

after I give it a little facelift.

Give me a break, the doctors who
worked on Michael Jackson

couldn't help this old heap.

- Give him a break, Zack.
- We'll help you wash it, Slater.

Well, that's it, finished.

This is so awesome.
I wish I had a car like this.

Don't worry, Kelly.

I'll be glad to take you wherever
you want to go -- all of you!

- All right!
- Lost cause, eh, Preppie?

So what's the big deal?

None of us can drive
until we're 16 anyway.

I've got seven months to find
an old junker and fix it up too.

- I can't wait to go for a ride.
- You won't have to wait long.

I turn 16 next week.

All:
All right!

Time out.

Slater doesn't know it,
but he's going to fail Driver's Ed.

Mr. Tuttle, can I see you?

Want to get an early start
on the wisecracks, eh, Mr. Morris?

No, sir.
Driver's Ed is an important class,

and I'm gonna take it
seriously from now on.

- Unlike Slater.
- Slater?

What about Slater?
He's my best student.

I know, sir, but he's become
too cocky about it.

And a cocky driver
is a reckless driver.

I find it hard to believe

that a fine young man
like AC Slater--

Well, sir, he's telling everyone
that he should teach the class.

That muscle-bound punk
said that?!

Well, pish-tosh, I'll show him!

Class, the only way
you can really learn how to drive

is to get behind the wheel.
Now, who wants to be first?

I would, Mr. Tuttle!

Eager to show off
are we, Mr. Slater?

You can wait your turn.

Miss Turtle, what's the first thing
we do when we get behind the wheel?

- Adjust the mirrors.
- Correct!

- And for what purpose?
- To check my make-up.

Miss Turtle, I suggest
you either study harder,

or start practicing
how to say, "Taxi!"

Screech, why don't you
start up the car?

Great. I can't wait.

(sighs)

Will you vacate the vehicle?!

Out!
Out, out, out!

Next, please.

Mr. Tuttle, can I try now?

Pushy, pushy,

move your tushy.

I know a hotshot like you will want
more of a challenge.

Okay, speed boy, drive!

- Wow!
- How was that, Mr. Tuttle?

Great, great, great.

I could use a teaching assistant
next semester.

I'd love to help you out, sir,

but I'll be busy cruising around
with a certain young lady.

- Enjoying the movie, Kel?
- Oh, Slater.

I've never realized how much
fun movies could be

until I watched them
in your beautiful car.

After this, we'll drive to that
big bluff overlooking the ocean,

and just-- oh, yeah.

You know, Zack never used
to drive me anywhere.

Zack?

You mean that
15-year-old without a car?

Whatever happened to the boy?

Who cares?

Oh yeah.

Gee, Zack, I never realized how
much fun a movie could be

until I watched them
on your beautiful bike.

Will you shut up?!

(bell rings)

That was
awesome driving, Slater.

Nothing to it!

All right, I'm down,
but not out.

Watch this.

Slater, I think I'm gonna
flunk Driver's Ed.

Can you give me
a private lesson after school?

- No way.
- 20 bucks?

- 4:00 okay?
- See you then.

Zack, Why'd you want
to see me here?

Well, Screech,
I told Mr. Belding

you do a great impression
of Mr. Tuttle,

and he wants to hear it.

Sure, which stall is he in?

He's not in here.

He's in his office
waiting for us to call.

Now, pretend
you're Mr. Tuttle,

and tell Belding to get the keys
out of the Driver's Ed car.

Got it.

Belding: Hello?

Mr. Belding,
this is Mr. Tuttle.

Could you do me a favor and get
the keys out of the Driver's Ed car?

I left them
by mistake, mistake, mistake.

- Why can't you do it?
- Why can't I do it?

I'm shaving my body hair
so I'll swim faster.

Sorry I asked.
All right, Tuttle,

I'll get the keys
out of the car for you.

Now is there anything else
I could do for you?

Good. Now stall him
for five minutes. Got it?

Yeah. Could you tell me
that really long story

about how you became
a principal?

All right, if you insist.

It all began with a boy
and a dream.

The year was 1956,
Eisenhower was President,

Elvis was King,

I was in kindergarten
on a finger-painting scholarship.

Boy, I love those paints.

Hey, hey, hey!

We could get in trouble
bringing the car out here.

Would you relax?
There's no one else to see us.

Besides, for 20 bucks, I should get
some more room to maneuver.

Okay, let's just
get this over with.

Why don't you get in the car,
and show me how it's done?

I'll just study your
every move from over here.

Okay.

- Hi, Slater! Out for a spin?
- What are you doing here?!

- I'm going to volleyball practice.
- Hop in. I'll drive you there.

- Thanks!
- No, Kelly get out of the car!

Kelly, get out of the car!
No, Kelly!

- (loud crash, Kelly screams)
- Great going, Slater!

It wouldn't have happened
if it wasn't for you, Preppie.

- Are you okay, Kelly?
- Yeah, I guess so. I hit my head.

- What's going on out there?!
- Hey, it's Belding!

Let's get out of here!
Come on, come on.

What the...?

I don't believe this.

Whoever did this
is in plenty of trouble!

Do you hear me?

(horn blaring)

I told you not
to use that stupid car,

but you're always
the rebel, aren't you?

Oh, sure,

blame Tuttle.

Forget that he has feelings.

Forget that he was next in line
to be principal,

had the color scheme
for this office all picked out.

Your taste is so tacky.

So is your personality.

If you'll excuse me,
the school has a problem,

and the principal
who was hired will take over.

Whatever you say,
"Mr. Balding."

Attention, students...

I would like the person
or persons responsible

for damaging the Driver's Ed car

to come to my office
immediately.

You have until noon
tomorrow to confess, or else!

Or else?

Somebody's in big trouble.

It was me.

Kelly, you wrecked the car?

Not exactly.

Slater was driving
and then I hopped in.

Then Zack got jealous,
tried to get me out,

and Slater crashed.

Hey, Kelly, how's your head?

I have a bump,
but it doesn't hurt that much.

- I'm sorry you got hurt.
- It wasn't your fault, Zack.

It wasn't?
Yeah, right!

Slater was the one driving.

Like you had
nothing to do with it.

All I know is, if I had wrecked
the car, I'd turn myself in.

Slater, why don't you
be a man and confess?

Jessie, why don't you
be a woman and cook?

Hey, cut it out.

Slater, we shouldn't have
been in the car in the first place.

Let's go tell
Mr. Belding the truth.

Okay, you're right.

It's just that if Belding
hadn't shown up,

we could've put the car back
and nobody would've known.

- What was he doing there?
- Getting the keys out of the car.

Oops.

Screech, what do you know?
And tell the truth.

No, no matter what you do to me,
you won't break me. I won't talk.

It was Zack! He made sure Belding
would catch you in the car.

Tell him you tortured me, okay?

We were gonna confess,

and Zack was behind it
the whole time.

- He should be the one to confess.
- Fat chance.

You'd have an easier time trying
to get that thing

off Gorbachev's head.

Unless Zack feels guilty --

so guilty that he has
to get it off his conscience.

- Kelly, how does your head feel?
- It feels fine.

I think you're about
to take a turn for the worse.

- Hi, guys.
- Hi.

Screech.

- Where's Kelly?
- I don't know.

Maybe she went home.
She said she had a headache.

Like the kind you get when you hit
your head in an accident.

Come on, she's fine.
No big deal.

Hi, everyone.
Hi, I'm Kelly Kapowski.

- Very funny.
- Who is this guy?

What do you mean, who am I?!

Maybe that bump on your head
affected your memory.

This is Zack Morris,
your boyfriend.

He gave you
the ring you're wearing.

Wait a minute.
There must be some mistake.

I don't have a boyfriend.

Do you remember me?

Well, yeah, you're Tom Cruise,
the coolest guy at school.

She seems fine to me.

I don't believe this!
Kelly, it's Zack.

This guy is major weird!

She really doesn't remember me?

I think it's only temporary.

She probably has
selective amnesia,

it's where a person
blocks out a painful memory.

I wonder if that's why my family
always calls me "Hey, you."

Wait a minute.
I do have a boyfriend!

How could I forget someone
that special to me?

Meet me after school?
We have lots of catching up to do.

I think I better play along,
Preppie...

for Kelly's own good, of course.

- I think you're right.
- Absolutely.

No, wait! Kelly,
this whole thing was my fault.

I tricked Slater
into driving the car.

I'm gonna tell
Belding everything,

then we're going to get you
the best doctor money can buy.

I knew you'd come through, Zack.

- Zack?
- Uh-oh.

Hey, who told you what I did?

(whistling)

Zack, Tuttle went to get Belding.
You've got to confess.

Would you relax?

Hey, I know Belding better
than Belding knows Belding.

So what's your point, big sh*t?

First Belding will give everyone
one last chance to confess.

No one will. Then he'll say
he's very disappointed in us,

and since he doesn't know
who's guilty, he can't punish them.

Then he'll leave.

I'm so nervous
my make-up is cracking.

Why are you nervous?
You didn't do anything.

Oh, yeah, right.

- Let me through.
- It's my classroom.

All right,

I am giving everyone
one last chance to confess.

I want you to know
that I am very disappointed in you.

Since I don't know who's guilty,
I can't punish them.

Class, isn't that fair
of Mr. Belding?

All: Yes, very fair.

I'm not finished.

Since I can't punish the guilty,
I'm gonna punish everyone instead.

- All: What?!
- (all shouting)

Driver's Ed is being canceled,

and you'll all repeat
the course next year.

You can use those 12 months
to think about this.

(shouting)

Do I still get paid?

Confess!
Somebody confess!

Wait.

It isn't fair for
the whole class to suffer.

I'll take the blame.

- You did this, Kelly?
- Well, actually--

Uh-huh, I didn't think so.
Who are you protecting?

- Me.
- Slater?

- Not--
- I drove the car.

Was anyone else involved,
I hope?

The punishment will be smaller
if there are two people to share it.

It was just me, sir.
No one else.

I was in the seat,
I'll take the heat.

All right then.
AC, come with me.

- Class may continue.
- Zack: Stop.

It wasn't his fault.

This whole thing was my idea.

I was jealous that Slater was gonna
get his license before me,

so I set him up
to get kicked out of Driver's Ed.

Wow, good plan!

Kelly had nothing to do
with this.

She just showed up
at the wrong time.

I'm sorry, Kelly,
I thought I'd lose you to Slater.

Slater...

you have two weeks detention.
Take your seat.

Yes, sir.

That was very fair of you, sir.
I expected worse.

You're getting worse.

Zack, you flunk Driver's Ed.
You'll make it up next year.

Now pack up your stuff
and let's go.

And that, Mr. Tuttle,
is how you principal.

"And that, Mr. Tuttle,
is how you principal."

- Zack?
- You don't have to say it, Kelly.

I acted like a jerk.

You did, but...

can I have the jerk's ring back?

Do you mean it?

Morris. Time's up.

Wait for me, Kelly.

Oh. But not in Slater's car!

(instrumental
theme music playing)