02x07 - Rent-A-Pop

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

Everybody's excited
about the class ski trip.

Unfortunately,
we don't have any money.

Now if I don't come up
with something quick,

I'm gonna have to sell
my parents' house again.

Hey, I see you're
ready for the trip.

- What are you talking about?
- Well, you got your ski poles.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Those are your legs.

- You're cute.
- That's real good.

Excuse me. Could you find
our waiter for us, please?

No, this I cannot do,
for he hath gone to a better place.

- What do you mean?
- He's in the bathroom.

- Who are you?
- My name is James.

- James, you should be an actor.
- I am an actor,

and to prove it,
I will now act like a waiter.

Tip is not included.
Check.

Guys, we have got
a real problem.

How are we gonna
pay for the ski trip?

Well, I make money
the old-fashioned way --

I pout until Daddy
gives it to me.

I could charge lonely girls 25¢

to watch me flex my muscles.

You know what they say,
"Big muscles, small brain."

Zack:
Yeah! Ooh!

Hey, I just thought of a great
way to make money.

Zack, your ideas only help you.
That's selfish, that's unfair--

- A carnival.
- that is a really great idea.

I got a great idea
how to make money for the ski trip.

I'll sell my body to science.

You'd have to pay them
to tow it away.

Come on, let's go
ask Belding about a carnival.

All right, let's make this quick.
I have a school to run.

Well, Mr. Belding, I think
you're one of the best--

no, the best principal
in the history of principalism.

- Does everybody agree?
- All: Oh, yeah.

Zack, you're not a matador,

so take the bull outside.

What the blond
sucker-upper is trying to say,

is that we'd like to have a carnival
to make money for our ski trip.

- Good idea. Do it.
- Really? All right.

Thanks, Mr. Belding.

Great, I've got places to go
and lips to gloss.

Zack. Zack!
Wait.

Do you know what
the letters F, F, D and C mean?

"Fine feathered
dogs and cats."

- No.
- That's okay. I love this game.

F, F, D and C are your grades

in Science, History,
English and Math.

Wow!!

Hey, I didn't know I was doing
that well in Math.

- A "C"?
- Zack, you're flunking.

I think it's time for me
to finally meet your father.

My father?
Wait a second, sir.

My-- my mother
always comes to school.

She's got her own parking space.

She's also got no idea what kind
of student you really are.

Well, you gotta love her, sir.

No father, no ski trip.

You tell your father to be
in my office

at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

I want my mommy.

You buy 100 computers from us,
and I'll knock off 20%.

All right, all right,

I'll even throw in season
tickets for the Lakers.

- Fine. Call me back.
- Hi, Dad.

Your Mom said
you wanted to see me.

- Is there a problem?
- Problem?

Well, yes.
Oh, but it's not mine.

I have a friend
who has a big problem.

- You see--
- (phone rings)

Excuse me, just a minute.
Derek Morris.

Yes, yes, those seats are good.
Listen, these--

these seats are so close
that Magic Johnson's

gonna have to dribble around you
just to score.

All right, I'll see you later.

Now what were you saying, son?

My-- my friend's grades
are kind of below average.

Now, if you were his father --
which you're not --

would you let him go
on a ski trip anyway

if he promised to work really,
really hard after he got back?

Absolutely not.
School comes first.

Oh.

What's the matter?
Is something wrong?

- Actually, Dad, the truth is that--
- (phone rings)

Excuse me just a second.
Derek Morris.

Yeah. Could you--
could you hold for a minute?

You know, son,
if I were your friend's father,

I think that I would ground him.

Actually,
I'd ground him for life.

Are we finished here?

I know I am.

Good. I'm glad
I could help you out.

Listen, I got
a great deal for you.

Well, you-- you--
you just gotta hear this...

Grounded for life?

(snoring)

(knocking on door)

Hello?

- Hey, who's there?
- How've you been, Zack?

Fine, there... Jessie?

Preppie, we've
come to visit you.

Yeah, you've been grounded
for 75 years.

Oh!

Hey, I'll call you back,
I've got company.

You've missed a lot, Zack.
We all have kids.

Our kids have kids,
and their kids have kids.

And their kids have zits.
Whoa!

Is that you, Screech?

I remember Screech.

Cute little fella.
Whatever happened to him?

- Let's go to the concert.
- Our favorite group's performing.

Yeah, "The Old Men
on the Block."

Well, bye, Preppie.
Come along, dear. Come along.

Dear?
You and Slater?

You haven't been around
for 75 years, Zack.

After 60, I got frisky.

Mr. Belding wants
to meet my dad.

What am I gonna tell him
when he doesn't show up?

Tell him you have two moms.

No, I think I'll tell him
I have an idiot for a friend.

(French accent) Would you like
to hear tonight's specials?

To begin with,
we have the French onion soup

(Indian accent) followed by
an Indian curry-- is very good,

very, very good, indeed!

(German accent) Und for dessert,
we have a German chocolate cake.

You will eat it, you will like it,
there is no choice!

Wow! You're really good.

Thank you. I'm rehearsing
for my acting class.

So what's it gonna be, fellas?

Just a Coke.
I'm not really hungry.

- Is something wrong?
- No.

No?! You're failing, and when
the principal meets your dad,

you won't be able
to go on the ski trip.

It'll be sadder
than the end of "E.T."

If you were my son,
I'd let you go skiing.

You would?

- (knocking)
- Come in.

- Right on time, Zack.
- Mr. Belding, this is my father.

Dad?

Hello, I'm Derek Morris.

Nice to meet you,
Mr. Morris.

I'm on a very tight schedule,
Mr. Belden-- Buh-- Burding.

So if we could just
get on with this?

Sure.

Belding, Belding...
(mutters)

Mr. Morris,
your son's grades are down.

(gasps)

I feel that two weeks extra help
after school would be beneficial.

- Two weeks?
- I don't agree with that.

- Good one, Dad.
- Two months is more like it.

Father!

I'm gonna get Zack
the toughest tutor money can buy,

and I'm gonna make him study
an extra six hours every night.

And no ski trip.

Mr. Morris, I think
you're overreacting.

And overacting.

After all,
this is just high school.

It's not like he's ever gonna
remember most of this stuff

when he gets outta here.

I mean, who cares about
the isosceles triangle anyway?

I care! I care.

Now I see know why Zack
turned out like this.

Father, I failed you.

Zack, you're not so bad.

- Yes, he is.
- No, he's not.

- No, yes, he is!
- No, he's not!

No, really, he is!

- Zack is a decent kid. Good--
- Both: Almost.

Why don't you ease up on him,
Mr. Morris?

You're a compassionate man,
Mr. B.

Zack was right about you.
Why, he was going on and on--

Dad, you're embarrassing me.

Well... hmm.

Maybe you're right,
Mr... Belding.

I'll let you go
on that ski trip, after all.

- If it's all right with you?
- Sure.

Dad, Mr. Belding,

I love you guys.

Screech, I didn't know you looked
so good in a bathing suit.

See what you're missing, baby?

Move it or lose it.

Very tempting.

Don't even think about it.

Of course, you're a girl,

so it's not like you could
hit it anyway.

You know what
I like about you Jessie?

You throw just like a girl.

Why don't you just
hire a man to do it?

I hope pigs can swim.

Hey, Screech, I did it.

And James was so tough, Belding
will never call on my father again.

All right.

Zack, I have a surprise for you.

I wrote your father a letter
and invited him to see me again.

What?!

(shouting)
He wrote your father a letter--

I'm gonna ask him
to chaperone the ski trip.

I think it would
be good for both of you.

Boy, is he wrong.

Mr. Belding,
this is my father.

Derek Morris.

Hello, I'm d*ck Belding.

- Is Zack in trouble?
- Trouble? Zack?

I don't believe I've ever
heard those two words

used in the same
sentence before.

Mr. Belding, you're too kind.

That's a nice tie.

Silk?

Now.

- Wait!
- What now, Screech?

- I'm late for an appointment.
- Mr. Belding, come quick.

- Someone poisoned the chess team.
- It's a sick world.

Mr. Morris,
I wanted to speak to you

about your son Zachariah.

(whispering)
Zachariah?

There's no problem, I hope?

Problem? Zack?

Why, Zack is
the most improved student

we have at Bayside.

Just look at these grades:
A, A, A, A, A...

I worked hard for you, Dad.

You're just a computer chip off
the old block, aren't you, Zack?

I think you should
reward the boy,

perhaps buy him a car.

A Ferrari.

Sorry, no Ferrari.

No harm in trying.

Come on, Dad, Mr. Belding
has many important things to do.

Oh, I bet I do.

Wait a second, is this--

Is that an XR7000?

Why yes, I guess-- yes, it is.

- I sell these things.
- Aah.

What kind of lease do you have
on this this, Mr. Belding?

I don't know. I...

(whispering)
Stall, stall.

Oh my gosh.

Zack:
I repeat, stall, stall!

What'd you say?

I think there are more
in the stall, stall.

We're not happy nerds.

What happened?

It was Valley, sir,
they spiked our Ovaltine.

- Stay here, I'll get the nurse.
- Wait.

Oops.

A walkie-talkie?

That's the last time I order
a sub with everything.

What's going on here?

You guys are faking, aren't you?

- Well, ah--
- Wait. Wait a minute--

wait a minute.
I have a meeting with Zack's father.

Something tells me I'd better
get back to the office quick.

And I'll deal
with you nerds later.

We're not nerds,
we're chess jocks, okay?

Okay.

Little Egg to Big Egg,
the Bald Eagle is flying your way.

I repeat, the Bald Eagle
is flying your way.

Mr. Belding, I can get you
a better lease on these computers.

- I'd like to do that for you.
- Oh!

I'll call you.

- Zack, I'll see you later at home.
- Bye, Dad.

Hurry, Belding's coming.
Come on.

- I got you now!
- Sir--

You thought you had me,
didn't you, with the chess team,

the nerds,
the poisoned Ovaltine?

But you didn't,
'cause I knew something strange

was going on in here.

Mr. Belding, the only strange thing
in this office is you.

I need a vacation.

(carnival music playing)

Do you have brains?
Do you have talent?

Well, if so, then you are
way ahead of Slater.

But he is strong--
now don't push, don't push,

he's got enough muscles
for everybody.

All right.

One, two, three,

go!

How was that?

Stupid, dumb,
did I mention pinhead?

What are you talking about?
I k*lled that guy.

Yeah, and dead guys don't
pay a dollar to arm-wrestle.

You gotta play along,
make them think they're winning

before you slam them.

Okay. Okay!

Next!

Ahem.

Wait!

You're mine!

One, two, three, go!

(cheering)

I did it! I did it!

I b*at Slater.

You're not so tough.

How could you do that to me?

I'll let you know
when we're on the slopes.

Next!

Hi! This is for me,

and this is for you.

That one.

Wow, you're right!
Hey, you're great at this.

If you would have bet a dollar,
you could have won a prize.

- Oh, no!
- Oh, yes!

And just think what
you could win for $10.

- Dare I, dude?
- Like, for sure, dude.

Here we go.

The first one.

Better luck next time.

Gnarly!

Thanks, dude.

Attention, please!

Get your tickets now
and be the first ones

to sink
Mr. Belding in the dunk t*nk.

(cheering)

Hey, this is great!
Mr. Belding's in the dunk t*nk

and I'm going skiing.
And my dad,

he never knew
there was a problem.

My dad?!

- Dad, what are you doing here?
- Oh, hi, Zack.

I was looking
for Mr. Belding.

I wanted to close
that computer deal.

- Where is he?
- (cheering)

I think he's over here
at the toad races, come on.

Hey, guys, you wanna throw?

Sorry, AC, I'm here on business.

Come on, it'll only take a second.
Here, show us how it's done.

- No, come on, Dad--
- Why not? It looks like fun.

All right.

Hey, give it your best sh*t,
old timer.

Let's see what kind of heat
the old man has left in his arm.

Okay!
Fire when ready.

All: Ohh!

Hey, good arm.

Well, I pitched a little bit
in college.

All: Oooh!

Was that a boys' college,

or a girls' college?
(laughs)

I'm sorry, I had to heckle you.

(crowd cheering)

Gee whiz, I'm sorry,
I just had to dunk you.

Who is this jerk?

Nice sh*t. Come on,
let's go, let's go.

- What's your name, fireballer?
- Well, I'm Der--

Son?! Why did you
do that, Zack?

Zack, I am calling your father.

- Well, I'm right here.
- You're not his father.

I am the principal,
and I know his father.

You're not the principal.
I know the princi--

There appears to be
a misunderstanding.

Seems to me they've got it
figured out pretty well.

- (knocking)
- Zack...

the ski trip is off.

Why couldn't you
just be straight with me?

Why couldn't you tell me
you were having trouble in school?

Dad, I tried to tell you,
but you're not that easy to talk to.

You used to tell me everything.
What happened to us?

- (phone rings)
- Excuse me, son.

- That's what happened to us.
- Yeah,

Charlie, could you call me back
in a few minutes? Yeah, right.

See, that's the problem.
You're always on that stupid phone.

This is business,
this is important.

Is it more important
than your family?

There's nothing more important
to me than you and your mother.

- You know that, Zack.
- (phone rings)

Just a minute.
Yeah.

Charlie, listen, tell him that--

I'll meet him anywhere he wants.
It doesn't matter to me.

I'll make time for him.
Yeah, thanks a lot.

- (phone rings)
- Derek Morris.

- Dad.
- Zack?

Is this the only way
I can get through to you?

No.

Son.

Son, when was the last time

we sat down and had a long talk?

I think when I skinned my knee
stealing home in Little League.

Ahh!
(laughs)

That umpire was blind as a bat.
You were safe by a mile.

That's right.
I can't believe you remember that.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.
What about that-- that--

that big fishing trip
we took, huh?

- Where you fell right in the lake.
- I didn't fall in.

I jumped in after
my retainer fell out.

Somewhere there's a catfish
swimming around with perfect teeth.

(phone rings)

Son, I have to take this.
It won't be a second, I promise you.

Yeah, Charlie.

Oh, that's terrific.

Yeah, sure, if I meet him
in San Francisco this weekend,

I'm assured of the deal.

That's great. You tell him--

Charlie, you tell him...

I can't make it this weekend.

I'm taking my son fishing.
Yeah.

And you will remember

to bring your books, won't you?

Oh, Dad!

(instrumental theme music plays)