02x14 - The Babysitters

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

I got here soon as I could.
What's Kelly's big emergency?

That's what we're
waiting to find out.

Yeah, she called all of us.

Screech, didn't you
forget something?

Of course. I forgot to make
my lizard a fly omelet.

Screech, I think you
forgot your clothes.

Lisa, I didn't want you to see me
this way until our honeymoon.

Don't look!

Don't worry.

Hey, Kelly. Why'd you want
us all to meet you here?

Yeah, what's the big emergency?

Billy is.

Aw. But why'd you bring
your baby brother here?

My parents got snowed in
at the ski lodge.

I gotta babysit Billy
till they come home.

But they're taking the cheerleading
pictures during first period.

- That's the emergency.
- You're right.

How's he going to learn all those
cheers when he can't even talk yet?

I was hoping you guys could
watch him while I go for my picture.

- Please, please, please?
- Come on, ask me something easy,

like making sure he grows up
in a nuclear-free environment.

I don't know the first thing
about babies.

I do. They always spit up
on expensive clothes.

I'll babysit him. I've raised four
salamanders and a toad.

Now you just need someone
to babysit Screech.

- We'll all watch him. Come on.
- You guys are great.

Now here's his formula,
diapers, baby wipes,

pacifier, bottles
and extra cotton.

What's the cotton for?

For your ears when Billy
starts screaming. Hi, sweetie.

Well, I guess you guys
have fun. Gotta go.

Zack, I can't take care of Billy.
I've got a test first period.

I gotta go home
and get duded up.

Gee, sweetie,
I'd love to take care of you,

but this dress isn't paid for yet.

Unkie Slater will have
to take care of you.

Well, I guess it's just you,
me and a baby, huh?

- It's just you, Preppie.
- Huh-uh, come on.

- I've got a geometry quiz.
- No. Huh-uh.

Well, looks like
I'm a single parent, huh?

Shh, quiet.

Hi, Zack. Do you have
the baby in the bag?

Shh, quiet.

Why, is Billy sleeping?

No, you pinhead. I just don't want
anybody to know he's in here.

Too late, dipstick.
You already told me.

Oh.
(mutters softly)

- What? I can't hear you.
- What are you doing with the baby?!

I've got to find Kelly.

They must've taken
the cheerleaders' pictures by now.

PA: Your attention, please.
This is your principal, Mr. Belding.

Yearbook pictures are being taken
in the library.

Chess Club, it's your move.

Insect Club, you go in five minutes,
so stop bugging me.

That's me, Zack.
I gotta fly.

- Oh Screech, wait!
- (Billy cries)

Well, Billy,
I guess it's just us.

Aw, come on,
go easy on me, okay?

I don't know much about babies,
I'm an only child.

(bell rings)

Oh, no, French class.

Look, whatever you do,
don't go "oui, oui," okay?

(bell rings)

Now students, we will soon begin

the oral examination.
Is everyone ready?

(Billy cries)

Monsieur Morris, something
you wish to share with the class?

(Billy cries)

Uh... wa-ah!

I'm just so excited to be taking
this French quiz today. Wa-ah!

Zackie, you make
such a good example.

Now just a petite review
before the quiz.

Remember your pronunciation.

The R in English

is the arr-rr en français.

(Billy coos)

Who said that?
Who?

(Billy coos)

Zackie was that you who made
the R so "perfectement"?

(Billy coos)

Exactement!

And you barely moved your lips.

Now everyone,
do and say just like Zackie.

(Billy coos)

(students mimic Billy)

(Billy cries)

(mimicking Billy)

Wait un moment,
that is not a French sound.

(Billy cries)

(mimicking Billy)

Students, students!

(Billy crying)

(mimicking Billy)

- Kelly did what?
- All: Kelly did what?

Uh, emergency.
I gotta go.

All:
Uh, emergency. I gotta go.

Teacher: Class where
are you going?

Kelly sure picked a great time
to break her arm. Yes, she did.

Guess those are the breaks.

We don't know when she'll
be back from the hospital,

so the best thing to do is leave
the baby with the nurse.

Freddie Kruger's mother?
Huh-uh. No way.

Okay, we'll leave him
with Belding then.

But Billy's too young
to go to the principal's office.

Yeah, besides,
Kelly asked us to take care of him.

We're the ones she trusts.

Zack, you're not being
reasonable about this.

She's right, Zack.
We do have to go to class.

You do what you have to do,

but I'm not going
to shirk my responsibility.

You really care
about this baby don't you?

Yeah.
Hey, we're pals, okay?

We speak
the same language. Huh?

(Billy giggles)

PA: Attention, please.
This is Mr. Belding.

(Billy cries)

We feel the same way, kid.

Spirit Squad meets on the field.

Go team!
And go now.

Bye, Billy, we got to split.

Say "cheeseburger,"
Mr. Belding.

Cheeseburger.
But I didn't order one.

What are you doing here?

The yearbook staff asked me to be
their photographer. It's my hobby.

Well, it's nice of you
to volunteer, Max.

Who said anything
about volunteering?

You guys are paying me a bundle.

Smile.

Well, wait a minute,
Max, wait a minute.

If you're on the payroll,

I want a portrait
for Mrs. B.

Say "medium rare."

Medium rare.

You gotta be on the field
for the track pictures.

I know. But I'm going to have
to find some way to hide Billy.

I'll watch him for you when I get
back from my wrestling pictures.

- Oh, thanks.
- (Billy crying)

Aww, what's the matter with him?

I don't know.
He just does that a lot.

Maybe he's hungry or something.

I've got a Ding Dong
in my gym bag.

Babies don't eat
Ding Dongs, ding-dong.

Maybe he's thirsty.

No sweat.
I have a can of root beer, too.

I don't know,
maybe he needs to be burped.

Or changed?

Both: Changed!

Put him down on the bench here.
I've seen this done a million times.

- What do we do first?
- First we lay him down.

Then we get our umbrellas,

'cause we don't want
to be given a baby shower.

Freshman.

What, are you lookin'
at something, Mancuso?

I think we start by taking
the old one off, right?

- Right. Here we go.
- All right.

- Got it?
- Got it.

Both: Oh, man!

What do we do with that?

Let's put it in here.

You put that in your locker?

Nah, that was Mancusos.

So what do we do next?

(Billy stops crying)

See? That's what was wrong
with him all the time.

Now we just got to cover
him with a new one.

Wait, I'll do this.
I know it.

Hey, I'll do it.
You don't know anything.

No, he's my responsibility.
We've had French class together.

- We've bonded, okay?
- I know what I'm doing. Let it go.

No. Oh!

- Good one!
- Good one, Slater.

That was his last diaper.

I just remembered.
Picture time. I gotta go.

But suppose Billy has to go?

You're bonded.
You figure it out.

- What are we gonna do?
- (Billy cries)

Shh. Watch this.
Watch me.

Come here.
Come here.

Come here. Yes.

There you go. Yes.

There you go.
You see?

Come here. Hold on.
All right.

There you go.
You see that?

Unkie Slater won't mind
if you borrow his shirt.

(Billy giggles)

You know, you're awfully cute
when you're not leaking.

Maybe someday I'll have a kid and I
won't mind if he's just like you.

Now son, this is your
first day of school,

so I want you to behave yourself
and make your old man proud, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hold it.
Come here.

Let me have the water g*n.

And the frog.

Very good.
And the phone.

- Aw, Dad.
- Come on.

There you go.

All right son, now put it here,
put it here, okay?

Right here. Just like I taught you,
burn one in, no batter.

- Okay?
- Okay, Dad.

Here comes my best pitch.

(glass shatters)

Boy, have you got
a great arm, kid.

Of course, that window's
coming out of your allowance.

Aw, Dad.

Well, son, just a few seconds ago,
you were playing Little League.

Now you're leaving for college
to play the field, huh?

Gosh, they grow up fast.

I'm off, Dad. Gotta get
a head start in partying.

That's right.
Hold it.

Let me have the credit card.

Aw, Dad.

That's my boy.

Okay, Billy, come on,
we gotta sprint.

Hey, Jessie, Lisa,
come on, you guys.

- You got to help me out here.
- Sure, Zack.

Why is Billy wearing
Slater's shirt?

It's a long, wet story.

But he's a cute little squirt.

- So what do you want us to do?
- Just watch Billy for a second.

But we've got
Home Ec this period.

Oh perfect. If he gets
hungry, just make his formula.

- Zack.
- Come on. Look,

if I'm not back before
the end of your class,

I'll just have Screech
relieve you, okay?

Please, Jessie?
Come on.

- All right, go ahead.
- Thanks.

Oh, oh, oh, and remember,

don't jiggle him
if he cries, rock him.

And don't burp him too hard
after the bottle, he hates that.

Now girls, pay close attention.

Infant care is a big part
of your grade this term.

Now remember, it's very important
to support your baby's head.

Holding your baby any other way

could make it
very uncomfortable.

See?

Now that could hurt baby.

Now I know what
happened to Screech.

And remember,
should the unexpected happen,

it's important not
to lose your head.

(Billy cries)

My, they make these
dolls lifelike don't they?

(Billy crying)

How do I make him stop crying?

Quiet, and we'll
buy you a new wardrobe.

- (Billy stops crying)
- See? Always worked with me.

Mrs. Hatcher, can I take
the yearbook pictures now?

Girls the photographer's here.
Put your babies down.

Gently.

I see we're going to have
to work on that tomorrow.

Ooh, very good, Miss Spano.

Come along, girls.

- Should I leave him here?
- Where's he gonna go?

Hurry, girls.
You're holding us up.

Now, group together.

- Look like little mothers.
- (camera shutter clicks)

Uh, Miss Spano, Miss Turtle,
what is it that you're doing?

Drying our nails?

Actually, we're on
the Spirit Squad.

Jessie, I already took that picture
this morning. You were great.

We just can't help ourselves.
We've got so much spirit left over.

Yeah, we're just full of it.

In fact, here's one
of our latest cheers.

Move it to the left!
Move it to the right!

Further to the right! Not there!
Yes there! You got it!

You got it!

Fight, fight, fight!

Oh, Screech, you're a pal. You came
through for me and got Billy.

Were the girls still in Home Ec?

Yeah, looks like fun too.
They end each class with a cheer.

Here, I'll take the little guy.

Boy, I missed him.

Y-- hey!

Looks like I missed
the little guy, too.

Screech, you got
a dummy, you dummy!

How could anyone mistake one
of those dolls for the real baby?

I mean you'd absolutely have
to be some kind of major doofus!

Well, I agree but I wouldn't call
Jessie that to her face.

Me? You took
the wrong baby.

I only took the one
you pointed to, doofus.

The important thing
right now is to find Billy.

You sure he's not
in the classroom?

After Max left,
Mrs. Hatcher dismissed us all.

By the time we snuck back in,
he was gone.

Did you look hard enough?!
Did you?! Well, I don't think so!

None of us are leaving this floor
until we find my baby!

Your baby? Zack,
I think you're getting hysterical.

Zack, don't worry we'll find him.
Besides, it's not your fault.

So where's the bambino?

Zack lost him.

You're an unfit mother.

I'm not the one who lost him.
It was Tweedle Dee

and Tweedle Dummies, over here.

We're not doing any good
standing around.

All right, look.
We'll spread out and search

every inch of this school
until we find him.

Zack, what are you going to tell
Kelly if we don't find him?

I'll worry about that later.

- Welcome to later.
- Hey.

Kelly are you all right?

I'm okay now.
But take it from me,

if you're ever on top
of a human pyramid,

make sure someone's
on the bottom.

So where's Billy?

Uh... Billy? Billy!

Short, bald guy, drools a lot?

My baby brother.
Come on guys, where's Billy?

Where is Billy?
Jessie why don't you go get him?

Yeah, I'll go find him.

I mean, I'll go get him.
I mean, I'm going now.

Yeah, that's it.

Good luck!
I mean, see you later!

Hey, Max. Here's a great sh*t
for the yearbook.

Bayside's bravest cheerleader,
wounded in the line of duty.

- Great idea.
- Me?

Sure. Hey, it'd be perfect
for the cover.

Now just stand over there.
It'll make it a more interesting--

interesting sh*t, yeah.

That was fun.
Thanks, Max.

Where's Jessie? I guess
Billy's still sleeping?

(Billy cries)

Billy?

Belding:
Googie, googie, googie.

Mr. Belding?
Aw...

Can you say detention?

Oh, Mr. Belding,
thank goodness Billy is with you.

We were so worried.

You guys didn't
know where Billy was?

Of course we knew.
Oh golly, yes.

Wait a minute,
but you said you were worried.

Oh, well, yes.

Worried that Mr. Belding wasn't
getting any work done.

With all the work he does,
he still takes time

to watch your
little baby brother

so-- so, um...

none of us would have to miss
our yearbook pictures, that's it.

- I did?
- The man is a saint.

Should have a river
named after him.

That's true. But what are
all of you doing in my office?

Lisa and Jessie had the baby
in Home Ec and were supposed to--

Actually, sir, we just
couldn't agree on

who would be the lucky one
to thank you in person.

That's right, sir.
So we all came.

Yes, but what is
Kelly's baby brother

doing at Bayside
in the first place?

- Don't you know, Mr. Belding?
- I guess he forgot.

It's okay, Mr. Belding.
At your age, that's normal.

- What's normal?
- Memory loss.

That's funny. I don't
remember losing my memory.

Well, that's the first
sign of old age.

Wait a minute. Yes!

Yes, I remember everything now.
And so clearly.

Kelly, your baby
brother is adorable.

- What's his name again?
- Billy.

Right. I knew that.
And you're Lisa.

See, I'm still young.

Mr. Belding, I've taken
all the yearbook pictures.

But there's always
room for one more.

Everybody watch the birdie.

Uh-oh.

Billy, my shirt is wet.

I'll carry Billy home for you.

Zack, you've really become
fond of him, haven't you?

I'm seeing a whole new you.

How about the new me
taking the old you

to a movie Saturday night?

Zack, something tells me you
haven't changed that much.

Oh, yeah? Hey, I changed him
38 times, didn't I? Yes, I did.

But I have to admit

it's nice to know that when
I need you, I can count on you.

Did you see that Billy?

What about me?
I helped, too.

Billy's wearing my best shirt.

Thanks, I can count on you, too.

Hey, come here, little buddy.
Come here, come here.

(Billy cries)

Don't worry, Kelly.
I'll get him to stop.

Yo, kid.
Give it a rest.

It worked when my mother
said it to me, all right?

Give him to me.
Come on.

- Come here. Yes, yes.
- (Billy stops crying)

That's amazing.

Shh! Shh! He's trying
to say something.

He can't talk yet.

Billy: Zzzack!

He talked, Billy said
his first word!

Wait a minute.
What did he say? "Snack"?

No, he said, "Zack."
I am totally amazed.

Not me.
That's my boy.

We've bonded.

(instrumental theme music plays)