03x01 - Perfect Circles

[bunniefuu]

( Monitor beeping )

f*ck, we're bleeding.

Great, now I got brain coming out of the wound.

Raise his head, and give him 100 grams of Mannitol.

Let's put him in burst suppression.

What's his blood pressure?

117 over 72.

Are we maintaining cerebral perfusion?

Core body temperature is 34.5.

117 over 72.

Are we maintaining cerebral perfusion?

Core body temperature is 34.5.

We've loaded him with Dilantin and Decadron.

f*ck.

f*ck.

Julie.

I need two frasers and some aneurism clips.

( Echoing ) We need to stop all this bleeding.

And I'm gonna need lots of gel foam and cottonoids...

Are you going to want to do a ventriculostomy?

Absolutely.

Let the c-t scanners know we'll be coming in after surgery.

If we make it that far, if we make it that far.

If we make it that far.

( Clock ticking )

( Sobbing )

♫ hey kids, rock and roll ♫

That sh*t smells awful.

It's Fenugreek.

Fenugreek?

What the f*ck is Fenugreek?

Want to try some?

It's delicious.

No thanks.

Here, put a little maple syrup on it.

Mmm.

Could you hurry up?

I don't want to be late for my funeral.

Relax, you got plenty of time.

Hell, you got nothing but time.

Which doesn't exist anyway, so.

( Laughing )

You don't know what you're missing!

( Sighing )

Goddamnit, David, I told you I wanted to be cremated.

Come on, Nate, you can do this.

You can do this.

Cat...

Tack.

No, reverse it.

Cat.

Cack.

Almost.

Cat, cat.

Cack.

Let's try another one.

Duck.

Huck.

Close.

Goat.

Go...

Goat.

Go...

Let's take a break.

Go... o.

( Baby cooing )

She's definitely got your nose, and your eyes.

Look at that face.

Look at this little person we created.

I love it when she does that.

When she sort of jerks?

Right before she falls off to sleep?

And then wakes herself up?

You freaked out the first time she ever did it.

I remember that feeling of falling, when I was little, like I was falling out of bed, and it always woke me up.

Like I was scared of what I was gonna fall into, but...

That never happens to me anymore.

God.

We lose so much, you know?

( Door opening )

Oh, great.

Oh, great, he's got the hiccups again.

Shake him and scream in his face.

What?

The world is hostile and terrifying place, he needs to learn that.

If your mother talks about what a gassy baby you were and him getting that from you again, I will scream.

I'll start farting.

Thank god we got high before we came.

( Clock bell )

Call me crazy, buddy boy.

But I don't think it makes a damn bit of difference who won.

They're all crooks anyway.

How can you not care?

I mean, what about that bullshit "acceptance" speech language. He gave a couple of weeks ago...

When he said "I was not elected to serve one party but one nation?"

Yeah, the operative words there being, "not elected".

You want the end piece?

I don't eat red meat.

I made you a chicken breast.

Nate, if you didn't want to see George Bush in the white house, then you shouldn't have voted for Ralph Nader.

I'm sorry I'm late.

The traffic was like, severely ridiculous.

Ruth.

Merry Christmas.

Here you are.

You don't look well.

I think I might be coming down with a cold.

Oh, dear, let me feel your forehead.

It's okay, mom, people get colds.

Anybody want the end piece?

Nate?

Sure, I'll take it.

Everyone save some room for dessert.

Mother, are you trying to sabotage my diet?

Of course not, Trisha.

I fully support your commitment to hating yourself for not having the ass of a 10-year-old boy.

( Phone ringing )

Why do you always have to be so crude?

Because god is punishing you through me.

Fisher funeral chapel, Nate Fisher speaking.

I'm so terribly sorry.

Yes, we are open today.

Ah, any time before eleven?

Just once I wish we could make it through Christmas dinner without somebody dying.

We'll be waiting for you.

Heart att*ck.

Thank god for small favors.

Aw, sh*t, I've seen this one before.

That was doctor Schroedinger.

Kitty, it make it...

( Laughing )

What're we watching this for?

Because it's what's on.

Quit flappin' your trap, I like this show.

So...

The universe has split in two.

Two?

Try two billion!

( Laughing )

What's gonna happen to us?

There, there.

We always end up in a universe in which we exist.

Remember Copenhagen?

( Laughing )

Ah, yes...

The eigenvalues in bloom.

You just keep telling yourself everything that can happen, does...

Somewhere.

Oh sh*t, I seen this one before.

( Laughing )

You wanna tell me what's going on?

I just need you to answer a few questions for me.

( Glass breaking )

Do you believe that your consciousness affects the behavior of subatomic particles?

Am I alive or am I dead?

Do you believe particles move backwards and forwards in time and appear in all possible places at once?

And if I am dead, is this heaven or hell?

Do you believe that the universe is constantly splitting into billions of parallel universes?

What the f*ck do I care?!

You only get one choice, so, you may want to think about this.

Just tell me.

Am I dead?

Yes or no.

Yes...

And no.

Some places you're dead, some places you're alive.

Some places, you never even existed.

Possibly, theoretically.

Or who knows, this could just be the anesthesia talking.

Go ahead.

Open the box.

( Rumbling )

( Chuckling )

f*ck it.

No, I never actually flat-lined, I just woke up and later they told me the avm ruptured during surgery.

So what does that mean, ruptured?

Well, it just, you know, exploded.

My head actually exploded.

I should've d*ed, or had some kind of lasting brain damage, but I pulled through and seven months later nothing even shows up on an M.R.I.

Wow.

You're really lucky.

I am so f*cking lucky.

So f*cking lucky.

Right?

Oh, that is beautiful.

His doesn't have the inlay.

Where did you get this?

My boss Carol had to have a lot of jewelry made for this king Arthur cable movie?

She turned us onto the guy who did it.

I still can't believe how fast you two got married.

It wasn't that fast.

We've actually been together eight years.

You know, on and off.

Between here and Seattle.

Well, you look really happy.

Good. I am really happy.

So, my sister-in-law's an astrologist...

And a drunk.

And she was telling me about this whole weird thing that her profession is facing right now.

Wait, when did astrology become a profession?

You know, with the whole possibility of interplanetary travel?

This pasta salad is so good, I want to spend a weekend alone with it.

Honey, that makes me feel a little weird.

Okay, so say in your chart, your Mars is in Scorpio, but what about when people are actually born on Mars?

Their Mars isn't in anything.

But their earth it's in Virgo or whatever.

Honey, no one's listening.

Oh, I know, I'm even boring myself.

Oh, Lisa, I made some pasta salad without the tuna in it for you.

No, it's okay.

I'm nursing, I need the protein.

Spencer, put the kitty down!

So, the whole breast-feeding is going better now?

Yeah, I'm taking Fenugreek.

Fenugreek...

Oh, I've heard of that, have I heard of that?

It's amazing, nursing was so painful for me at first and my milk production seemed like it would never catch up with her demand...

Put the kitty down!

But now there's always enough.

The only drawback is my sweat smells a little like maple syrup.

Thank you!

You know, breasts are actually modified sweat glands, and I hardly ever sweat, which is maybe why it was so painful for me at first.

I wish I'd gotten one of those elliptical ones, they're supposed to be better for your knees?

But I'm sure I wouldn't be using that one either, so.

( Laughing )

Hey, Todd, thanks for having us.

You're taking off so soon?

Yeah, I gotta work tonight.

You want a hit for the road?

Hmm?

No, I better not.

Alright.

Hey, I think I might know somebody who wants to buy your motorcycle.

Somebody already bought it.

Oh.

Oh, well.

( Laughing )

Alright, thanks again, I'll see you next time.

Alright, later.

Bye.

That was fun.

Yeah, I like them.

She's nice, he's a little weird.

Food was good.

Nate.

What?

We totally grabbed the wrong bag.

Oh, sh*t.

Keys. Be right back.

I feel...

Judged.

I feel criticized.

I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough.

I feel ashamed of who I am.

I feel like I'll never be the person you want me to be.

I don't want you to be anyone except who you are.

Keith, now is about you listening.

You'll get your chance in a moment.

Yeah, okay.

I feel like I'm living in a minefield sometimes.

Your anger is so random and arbitrary.

Let's try to avoid making judgments about Keith's behavior right now, and really stay focused on what you feel.

I'm afraid of pissing you off, so I...

I'm constantly editing myself.

I guess I'm just confused, like...

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm done.

Now, Keith.

What did you hear?

A lot of whining.

Perhaps you have some feelings of your own you'd like to share?

Yeah, I hate my job.

I feel like a f*cking loser.

Driving around in a homealert uniform, answering alarms set off by poodles, and sucking up to rich assholes who make more in a day than I make in a year.

I ought to be able to blow off some steam when I come home without you always taking it so personally.

Because it's very rarely about you.

David?

I don't think that's fair.

You don't want me to have any feelings.

No, I'd just like to have a little fun now and then, like we used to.

We don't have fun?

Rarely.

Rarely?

On occasion.

How's your sex life?

It's kinda great.

Yeah, that part works.

So, it seems engaging passionately is comfortable in that arena, but not so in other areas.

What other things do the two of you like to do together?

We go to movies sometimes.

We go to dinner.

We used to play racquetball.

He was so much better than me, it was a joke.

I wasn't challenging enough for him.

I never said that.

It made me feel inadequate.

What kinds of things do you do on your own?

Besides work, work out.

Yeah.

My job kind of keeps me from doing much else.

Friends?

Most of my friends were cops, but I don't see them anymore, since I left the force.

David never really had any close friends.

That's not true.

There's a group of independent funeral directors I get together with every month.

You hate those guys.

We're out of time.

This week, should any conflicts arise, try to focus on expressing what you're feeling, instead of criticizing, or blaming, yeah. Okay?

Change.

Good, Russell.

Change.

f*ck, it's almost five, Rico’s gonna have my head.

Mom.

Hello!

How is my precious girl doing today?

She has the hiccups again.

Got the hiccups again.

She gets that from her daddy.

He was a very gassy baby, wasn't he?

Yes, he was!

I'll get her some gripe water.

Do you remember to burp her often, dear, when she's nursing?

Of course.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know, I think I just had the weirdest déjà vu.

Hello!

Every time I pop by, there are more people here.

Hi, I'm Carol ward, Lisa's boss.

I'm Ruth Fisher, Nate's mother.

We've met several times already.

You're not living here now too, are you?

I'm kidding.

Calm down.

I hate to keep harping on this.

I parked in the driveway again.

Well, there are two cars today.

I'm sorry, I didn't know...

Please, it's no biggie, I'm sure you didn't know.

What's your excuse?

Well, I was just dropping off...

I could get a little sign made up, you know?

"Nate, back it up, put it on the street."

I'm kidding.

Look, if you want me to move it, I'll go move it right now.

Don't be silly, whenever, it doesn't matter.

Sooner rather than later.

Oh, Lisa, I'm having dinner with penny Marshall tonight, so, I won't need you to cook.

Okay.

But I am going to host an impromptu gathering tomorrow evening, just some close friends I want to try out a new pitch on.

Shouldn't be more than... 30.

Okay.

Do you have time to go over a menu with me?

Now?

Yes!

Take your time, dear, I've got all afternoon.

Nice to meet you, Nate's mother!

She's energetic.

She's a lunatic.

( Cell phone )

Hey, Rico.

Nate, hey, how's it going?

Good.

Good, good, I'm glad to hear it.

Listen, I don't know if you're aware of this, or if you even care, we have two viewings tonight, one at 6:30 and one at 8:00?

Yeah, I'm on my way.

Good, because your brother is nowhere to be found, yeah, and he's not answering his cell phone, and there's only so much I can do, you know?

Sure.

I can't be at two places at the same time, Nate!

I get it, Rico, okay?

Lay off the lecturing, I'm not your kid.

Yeah, well, I'm not your employee.

I'm your partner.

I am a licensed funeral director now, okay?

You guys took my money, you made me a partner.

It's time you started treating me like one.

Goodbye.

So, Claire, how's art school?

It's okay.

What kind of stuff are you doing?

Well, yesterday we had to draw this naked guy in like, 30 seconds.

Well, that sounds fun.

Not really.

It's hard.

And, like, I don't even want to be an illustrator, or painter, or whatever.

But they keep saying that we need to know how to do everything, like Picasso.

It's intense.

Yeah, but...

At least you get to be creative every day.

Good morning.

Hey.

Hello, pumpkin!

How's it going?

It could not possibly be going any better.

Would you look at this little girl?

Is that the face of god, or what, huh?

Yeah, there's some stuff coming out of god's nose.

Who's precious, is it you?

Yes, it is!

Mom, can you help me with her today?

Lisa's gotta help Carol.

Carol's having this big Hollywood asslick dinner, and Lisa's gotta shop.

Of course.

You guys, she took the most amazing poop this morning.

Who, Lisa?

Seriously, it was so perfectly formed, so, healthy and compact.

It was like a regular adult poop, it made me so happy.

I swear, when you live with a baby, you get to see the world as being totally new all over again.

You know, they're so pure and uncorrupted, it's a f*cking privilege.

And how come neither of you has been over to visit her recently?

Because being a father has turned you into a dithering idiot.

Wow.

You're so tough and cool and above it all.

I wish I was you.

Does anybody want the end piece?

Want the end piece?

Oh, Nate, can you drop Mrs. Folger at the crematory this afternoon?

No, I've got the Paulk funeral.

Yeah, well, I've got the Bennett funeral.

Can't Rico do it?

I believe his exact words were, "no f*cking way, I'm not your f*cking gopher anymore."

Claire, can you give us a hand?

Sorry, I have homework.

We'll pay you 50 bucks.

We'd pay a delivery service more than that.

Alright.

As long as I don't have to touch any dead skin.

No, she's all boxed up.

And I can't do it 'til around four, 'cause I have to practice drawing a perfect circle.

That takes seven hours?

I have to be able to do it on command in class tomorrow, okay?

It's not as easy as it sounds.

♫ Waiting for him to show you ♫

♫ how he's gonna give himself completely away to you ♫

♫ 'cause this time around he says he will excel ♫

♫ and the bad day...

Ew.

Is that the box that needs to go to the crematory?

The...

Ah, yeah.

Well, I can take it now.

You're taking it?

Yeah, they hired me to do runs, since nobody else wants to do it.

Really.

Yeah, for 50 bucks a sh*t.

But you're gonna need to help me get that into my car.

So, what kind of music do you guys play?

I don't know.

It's kinda like early Peter Gabriel meets tool?

Emotionally vulnerable, like sunny day real estate, but politically conscious, like public enemy?

We're still working it out.

When you guys play, you should let me know, I'll come.

Why don't you hang out while we practice?

Oh, I don't think I can.

I've got this thing I'm supposed to...

Okay.

I'm Phil.

I'm Claire.

You want a beer?

Sure.

You really amaze me, Lisa.

Why?

Your energy, it's boundless.

You should be bottled as an alternative energy source, you would save the world, I'm serious.

Well, that's kinda funny, because I feel tired all the time.

Really?

Yeah.

I think it just comes with being a mom, you know?

Yeah.

Not that I'm complaining.

I mean, Maya's totally transformed my life, I can't even imagine going back to the way things were before.

Wow.

I mean so what, if I have to work extra hard?

I want to.

It's worth it, it is so worth it.

( Sobbing )

Carol?

Ugh!

No, don't pay any attention to me.

I'm just nervous...

Nervous about this meeting next week.

I have to pitch to MCG in person.

Whoa, is he intimidating.

Can I make you some chamomile tea?

For Christ sake, I'm not your grandmother, okay?

I'm your boss.

( Sobbing )

Stop looking at me, Lisa!

Carol, I'm always here for you...

Ah!

Also, I swim laps in the morning, and I used to be able to do that naked, which was a great way to start the day, like I was Artemis.

I would go out there feeling like a warrior, like a huntress, which is what you have to do when you're in my business.

But now I can't do that anymore, because there's a man living here!

I'm sure Nate wouldn't mind...

I would!

Also, I don't appreciate the hostility he shows by always parking in the driveway!

I'm sorry, I will talk to him about it...

Yeah.

I'm gonna go swim some laps.

Are you ready for the Bok Choi?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Adding pepper.

I already added pepper.

Oh.

Okay, I feel shamed.

What?

When you said "I already added pepper," my perception was that you were irritated with me for not knowing that already, and that you were also angry with me, that I shouldn't have done it.

Why would I be angry with you?

I don't know.

Maybe you don't want me to be involved in the cooking process, maybe you just want me to prepare the ingredients for you?

Maybe you want total control over what actually happens inside the wok.

So, we have a little extra pepper in the wok.

It's not a big deal.

I know it's not a big deal.

Okay.

I heard what you said.

It was not my intention to shame you.

I know.

Good, I love you.

Are the carrots ready?

Yeah.

You know, I grew up in a family where people expressed their anger on a regular basis, so, that's what intimacy feels like to me.

But you grew up in a family where no one ever expressed anything.

Yeah, we also never hit each other.

So, whenever I'm slightly irritated, it scares you, right?

Right.

It just means I'm comfortable with you.

It doesn't mean I don't love you.

Did you pick up the dry cleaning today?

Yeah, it's in the closet.

♫ Now I know it's not

♫ no, it's not...

♫ it's not...

There, isn't that delicious?

Your daddy, he used to love peanut butter too.

Yes, he did.

So did your uncle David.

Not your aunt Claire, though.

She absolutely hated it.

Always did, still does.

Isn't it funny?

They were all little babies once too.

But their daddy's mommy never liked spending time with them the way I like spending time with you.

She never really liked me, and she never liked my children.

She was convinced I had gotten pregnant on purpose, to trap Nathaniel into marrying me, which wasn't true at all.

I certainly never intended for that happen, especially when I was so young.

And I was terrified when your daddy was born.

Absolutely terrified.

( Cooing )

Hey, mom.

Goodness, you startled me.

She give you any trouble?

Heavens, no, she's an angel.

What do you say, you ready to go home, angel?

Have you eaten?

I made you a chicken breast.

No thanks, I gotta be getting home.

But put it in the fridge, I'll eat it tomorrow.

You know, if you and Lisa would like a night off, I'd be happy to watch her.

You could go out to eat, see a movie.

I could even keep her here overnight.

Thanks, mom, but Lisa's working tonight.

Plus, Maya hasn't slept outside of the family bed yet, so.

Well, maybe it might be better for her to try a night sleeping on her own.

Mom, we know how you feel about it, you're very clear in that.

But we feel differently, okay?

She's almost nine months old, she's going to have to leave the "family bed" some time.

Well, Maya will let us know when she's ready to leave, alright.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, grandma.

Goodnight.

Are we having sex?

Uh, okay.

Just let me take a shower first.

( Humming )

( Gargling )

Morning.

What time is it?

A little before 10, I think.

How do you take it?

Black.

Hey.

Hey.

So, what do you have to do today?

Ah, class.

What kind of class?

Drawing class.

We're learning how to draw a perfect circle.

That sounds kinda cool.

It's not, it's stupid and tedious and pointless.

I went to art school to be expressive, not to perform some pointless task like some lab rat.

You wanna play hooky?

Yes.

Nate, I need you to do me a big favor and cover the Folger funeral for me this afternoon.

Hey, who's frank Muehler?

Frank, who?

Meuhler, he's in the date book here every Wednesday at two.

I have absolutely no idea.

Must be somebody Rico put in there.

Huh.

There's a phone number, I'm gonna call and find out.

Alright, no.

Keith and I are in couples counseling.

Really.

It's not that big a deal.

Are you guys okay?

Yeah, of course we're okay.

We're just seeking the advice of a trained professional to help us to establish appropriate boundaries and write the rules of our relationship together.

What happened?

Nothing happened.

Keith has a lot of anger issues that he inherited from his father and I have a lot of doormat issues I inherited from mom.

Can we please never talk about this again?

Sure, you're okay though, right?

Can we please never talk about this again?

Got it.

And how are you and Lisa?

Ah, we're great.

It's still a little bizarre to me.

Of all the possible ways my life could have gone, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's just about a year ago I got engaged.

Remember that?

You know, I thought I loved Brenda.

Or maybe I thought I could just make it work just out of sheer will, but...

You just never know.

You have no f*cking idea what life has in store for you.

So, can you cover the Folger funeral for me or not?

What is it, you just need some time off?

Are you sure you're alright?

I'm fine.

I've got an audition for the gay men's chorus of Los Angeles.

What?

That sounds fun.

I'm trying to create something for myself outside of my job and my relationship.

I could really use your support on this.

Alright, don't worry, the Folger thing's a walk in the park.

You just go knock 'em dead.

No pun intended.

I'm so nervous.

David...

You'll be great.

From your mouth to god's ears.

Right.

Thanks, Nate.

Any time.

( Phone ringing )

Hello?

Hi, it's Lisa.

Oh, hello.

Ruth, did you give Maya peanut butter?

Yes, and she just loved it.

Ruth, you never give babies peanut butter under the age of one, they can develop horrible allergies.

Didn't you know that?

No, I didn't, is she alright?

Yes, but that's not the point.

You should never give her peanut butter.

Or honey, or strawberries, or egg whites.

Please.

Of course.

I'm sorry to be so abrupt with you, I just...

No, I'm sorry, I had no idea.

Peanut butter was never a problem when my children were young.

Are you sure she's alright?

She's fine.

Do you need any help with her today?

I could come over.

Ruth, no.

You spend so much time over here, I feel bad.

It's no problem at all, I like...

Seriously, take some time for yourself.

I hardly saw Maya at all yesterday, I really just wanted it to be the two of us today.

Okay.

But thanks, I'll talk to you later.

Thank god.

It's very frightening, I didn't know who to call.

Ma'am, just calm down, tell me what happened, okay?

Come, I'll show you.

♫ Where has the time all gone to ♫

♫ haven't done half the things we want to ♫

♫ oh well, we'll catch up some other time ♫

♫ this day was just a token ♫

♫ too many words are still unspoken ♫

♫ oh well, we'll catch up some other time ♫

♫ just when the fun is starting ♫

♫ comes the time for parting ♫

♫ but let's be glad for what we've had ♫

♫ and what's to come

♫ there's so much more embracing ♫

♫ still to be done, but time is racing ♫

♫ oh well, we'll catch up some other time ♫

It's just always weird when you find stuff like that out, you know, later on in your life.

I mean, I had no idea that I wasn't planned.

I'm not sure what difference it makes.

I mean, Maya wasn't planned either, and we couldn't love her anymore than we do.

Yeah.

It's just...

I don't know.

What?

I don't like knowing that my whole existence is an accident.

It's just too f*cking...

Random.

Yeah, but that's the way it happened.

Things happen the way they're meant to, Nate.

See, there's a kind of fatalism in that that I just don't buy.

Well, what's the alternative?

We make choices.

Yeah, but maybe your parents never would have chosen to get married if you hadn't happened, and then not only would you not exist, but Claire and David wouldn't either.

It's just not what was meant to happen.

But surely we're more than just...

Things that happen.

Maybe we are, maybe we're not.

I love it when she does that.

When she does that.

When she sort of jerks, you know?

Sort of jerks, you know?

Right before she...

Falls off to sleep.

Wakes herself up.

You freaked out the first time she ever did it.

I remember that feeling of falling... falling.

When I was little, like I was falling out of bed, and it always woke me up.

Like I was scared of what...

What you were going to fall into?

Yeah.

But that never happens to me anymore.

Dot be so sure of that.

What's going on with you?

I think I dreamed this.

What?

This moment, this.

This life we have together.

You and me, Maya.

Here.

Now.

♫ Honey

♫ all the movements you're starting to make ♫

♫ see me crumble and fall on my face ♫

♫ and I know the mistakes that I made ♫

♫ see it all disappear without a trace ♫

♫ and they call as they beckon you on ♫

♫ they said start as you mean to go on ♫

♫ start as you mean to go on ♫

♫ meet me on the road, meet me where I said ♫

♫ blame it all upon a rush of blood to the head ♫