03x01 - Make Room for Baby

[bunniefuu]

Okay, kids, listen up.

Family meeting.

- Without mom?

- Well, it's about your mom.

We need to talk about her pregnancy.

Oh, I want to go first.

I thought you guys were gonna stop after one kid.

I was hoping two.

- Three.

- Four.

Anyway We have reached that wonderful moment in your mother's pregnancy.

When she gets uncomfortable.

And when your mother is uncomfortable

- We're uncomfortable.

- Exactly.

The third trimester is when your mom gets a little

- Scary?

- Mean?

- Nasty?

- Icky?

So until further notice, whenever your mother asks you something, the answer is "yes.

" What if she asks me if my name is Ralph?

- Why would she do that?

- Why wouldn't she do that?

Morning.

- It is a good morning.

- That is so your color.

- What's going on?

- Yes!

- Yes, what?

- Yes!

Er, no!

I mean no.

My name is Ralph!

What was that all about?

Oh, just Ralph being Ralph.

So how are you feeling, honey?

'Cause you look terrific.

- Shut up, Bob.

- Yes!

Hey, Charlie, the basement is a mess.

After breakfast,

- I want you to go downstairs and pick up your toys.

- No!

What did you say to me?

Yes!

Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes ♪

"has anybody seen my left shoe?"

♪ I close my eyes, take a bite ♪ grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪ so just take my advice ♪ hang in there, baby things are crazy but I know your future's bright ♪ hang in there, baby there's no maybe everything turns out all right ♪ sure life is up and down ♪ but trust me, it comes back around ♪ you're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪ hang in there, baby.

Another great day at super adventure land.

Eight shows in the hot sun for minimum wage?

- What's so great about it?

- It's sarcasm, Spencer.

Here's another example: You smell delightful.

You're a little rank yourself, cinder-smella.

- I'm so glad.

- Me too.

Ck together.

You know what we need to do?

- We need to get into.

- Oh, with air conditioning.

Oh, I heard that there's an opening.

In patriotic Plaza to play George and Martha Washington.

- How do you know that?

- I overheard Betsy Ross.

In the bathroom.

Next to Harriet tubman.

I can always tell when Abe Lincoln's in the stall.

The hat.

Anyways so, um, George and Martha Washington.

Were fired because when they weren't.

K.

So the father of our country ctell a lie.

That was very witty.

Thanks.

You're still not getting the sarcasm, are ya?

Somebody's been stealing my newspapers.

Hey, Mrs.

dabney.

How are you doing?

Somebody's been stealing my newspapers.

You still get the paper?

Nowadays most people get their news on the Internet.

The inter what?

The Internet.

You know, the information super-highway.

Stop talking gibberish.

Where is my newspaper?

We don't have your newspaper.

All right, almost done with my school proj Hey, Mrs. dabney.

I should have known you were the newspaper thief.

No, I'm not the only guilty one here.

It was a two-man job.

Okay, who wants the sports sec Hey, Mrs. dabney.

Tell me more about this Internet.

Bob, we've gotta talk.

You people stole my paper.

What are you gonna to do about it?

- We need to move.

- Works for me.

Here you go.

- What's this?

- It's the business card of a real estate Agent.

I've been carrying that around since Gabe was born.

I knew this sweet day would come.

Hallelujah!

Been carrying that around too.

Um, honey, why do we have to move?

I went in the backyard.

There was Cat poop on the lawn.

- I'll start packin'.

- Hold on.

We're have to move because some Cat.

- Did his business on the lawn?

- Oh, let me finish.

Okay, the Cat made me think that it would be nice.

To have a pet someday.

And then I thought, we don't have room for a pet!

And then I realized we don't have room for a baby.

I mean, he or she should have their own room, right?

Excuse me, I'm not clear are we moving or getting a pet?

We need a new house.

What do you think, Bob?

Um, well, we Hey, dad, what was that thing you were telling us earlier?

When mom asks us a question we say?

I will deal with you later.

No no, it wasn't that.

Honey, look, I understand your feelings.

We do need more room.

You know what?

I'm on it.

- Good boy.

- If we are going down the pet road, could we get a monkey?

'Cause I have this little cowboy hat.

That I have never known what to do with.

Shall we rehearse for our audition, Mr. Washington?

Hit it, Mrs.

Washington.

Many years ago, after the w*r was won - We needed a leader.

- How 'bout Washington?

He was just the man.

To take his country farther.

- And the woman behind him - Was his loving wife Martha.

Where are you going, general George?

I'm off to fight at valley forge.

But first I'll lead them 'cross the water.

That's what put him on the quarter!

So long, my dear, I'll miss your smile.

Here, why don't you keep it awhile?

- We're the washingtons.

- The washingtons.

The washa washa washa washingtons!

♪.

And straight and straight and left and left.

And okay, open your eyes.

- Ooh.

- Ta-dah!

What is it?

- It's the new baby's room!

- Do you love it, mom?

We spent almost an hour on it.

So the baby will be sleeping.

Under the stairs.

Like Harry Potter?

Hey, Harry Potter, now he had some fun adventures, huh?

Huh?

Say something good about Harry Potter.

Quiddich!

Honey, look You know what?

Look, how easy it's gonna be.

To pull the baby out of the crib, huh?

Almost too easy!

That would never happen in real life.

You've dropped 'em before, you'll drop 'em again.

Hey, mom, check this out.

If the baby gets fussy, calm the little munchkin.

With an ocean view.

Hey!

New house, Bob.

Got it?

Uh-oh.

Shark!

- What's all this?

- Everything you've ever.

Thrown, sh*t or fired into my house.

Oh boy, you were a disappointment.

Why are you giving all this stuff back?

Gabe, now that you're moving away, I've been thinking: You and I have had our differences, but the truth is you've made my life more interesting.

You've kept me young.

I haven't done a very good job.

There's that sense of humor I'll miss so much.

Hey, it's my favorite baseball cap.

Remember when you lost that?

Yeah, I was trying to plant a stink b*mb in your flower bed.

You know, Mrs.

dabney, after all these years, that's the first nice moment we've ever shared.

Bye, now.

What are we doing here?

What's the big surprise?

This is your new house!

- What?

- We're really moving?

But I love our old house.

You'll like the new house even more.

- Can't we at least talk about this?

- We just did.

- So we sold our old house already?

- Nope!

Still own that one.

Normally you sell the old house first.

But now we own two houses.

Yay.

And in this house, everyone gets their own room.

Do I finally get out of the basement?

You sure do.

Uh, here your bedroom is on Level b-1!

Ugh, man, it's kinda hot in here.

Why are you all staring at me?

Why is my cap full of hair?

I know where your cap got it.

Ahh!

Dabney!

I got him.

Charlie, you like your new home, don't you?

No, mommy!

Charlie!

Is something on your mind?

Or should I say not on your mind?

You put hair removal goo in my cap!

That was for stealing my newspapers.

And the funny part is I got the idea on the Internet.

This isn't over.

Oh, but I think it is.

You're moving away and I get the last laugh.

Ha ha ha!

No, you're not gonna get the last laugh!

I'm getting the last laugh!

And it's gonna sound like this: - Ha ha ha ha!

- Ha ha ha ha!

- Ha ha ha!

- Ha ha ha!

Ha!

We have a complicated relationship.

Hi.

I just got your text.

- You're moving?

- Yeah.

We are.

I'm kinda sad about it.

I'm gonna miss this place.

Um, well, here's some more bad news.

Super adventure land called Oh, and we didn't get it?

Actually, you didn't get it.

But you did?

Oh, but did you tell them.

That you weren't gonna do the show without me?

Well, I was gonna, but it's supposed to be really hot next week, so Oh great.

So I'm stuck kissing a sweaty frog.

- Pretty much, yeah.

- So who's playing Martha Washington?

- Sandy super.

- Who?

Milt super's niece.

You know, the guy who founded super adventure land.

Wait, is Sandy super.

That really cute girl who's always staring at you.

And asking you out and pretending I don't exist?

- So you do know her.

- Oh.

Well, maybe the new frog will be really cute too.

Actually, they're giving that part to the guy who runs the tilt-a-whirl.

Greasy Joe?

- Afraid so.

- Don't you have to have teeth.

- To play a frog?

- Afraid not.

Two house payments.

Hey, dad, can I Whoa.

What's going on with youeye?

Your mother has ideas.

Expensive ideas.

That's okay.

I'll just look at the other eye.

So, dad, quick question, how long do you think it would take to dig a pit?

- How big a pit?

- Eh, I don't know.

About as tall and as wide as Mrs.

dabney.

Gabe, what are you up to?

- How much do you want to know?

- Is it gonna cost me any money?

- No.

- Happy digging.

Where are you going, general George?

I'm off to fight at valley forge.

But first I'll lead them 'cross the water.

Take me too, I think you oughter.

- Teddy?

- Who's Teddy?

I'm Ben Franklin.

Uh, what are you doing here, Ben?

Yeah, you're not in this show.

She means this part of history.

Oh, George, George, everyone knows you didn't go to valley forge.

To save our country.

You went because you and Martha.

Were having problems.

- What?

- So you turned to your best friend, Ben Franklin, who's always been there for you.

- No, he didn't.

- Oh yes, he did.

Then Martha was comforted by themas Jefferson, played in this performance by greasy Joe.

Oh Joe!

Joe!

Quit gummin' on that corndog and get out here!

And that's how America got started.

- C'mon, Charlie.

- No!

- What's going on in here?

- We've got a situation.

Someone is refusing to pack.

Oh, Charlie honey, you have to pack your toys so we can take them to the new house.

No!

I'm staying!

Yeah, actually I kinda want to stay here too.

P. J. , you're not helping.

But I have so many great memories at this house.

Like, when I got my head stuck in the swing set.

Honey, you're gonna get your head stuck.

In lots of places at the new house.

Promise?

I really Hope this one's another girl.

Okay, Charlie, what's it gonna take.

To get you in a new house today?

- Pony.

- Done.

Bob!

Hey, what just happened in there?

Well, I think we found out.

That Sandy's no good at improv.

Teddy, are you really jealous of Sandy super?

No, why would I be jealous.

Of somebody who's cute and smart.

And rich?

Look, Teddy, you have nothing to worry about.

There's no one in the world who I'd rather be with than you.

- Really?

- Really.

George Washington, you're the best boyfriend I've ever had.

And you're the best girlfriend I ever had, Ben Franklin.

Oh, come here.

I'm gonna teach you something about electricity.

Oh yeah.

Well, Charlie, this is it: Our last few moments on edgewood drive.

I gotta say I'm gonna miss this place.

Come on, Teddy, let's go.

I'll edit that out later.

Well, see you at the new house.

Good luck, Charlie.

Okay.

You know what?

I'll be right out.

I feel like I forgot something.

Welcome home, P. J.

This is where you're going to grow up.

- No-ooo!

- Hey hey.

We are stopping at two, right?

Well, actually Aw no.

Gabe is such an easy baby.

I Hope he'll always be like this.

"Then all the little ducklings found their way home. And lived happily ever after. " Aw.

Thank you.

Honey, find what you were looking for?

I did.

We can't move, Bob.

What?

I carried all four kids through that door.

I want to do the same with number five.

What's going on?

We're not moving.

We're not moving!

Hey hey, unpack the truck!

Are you kidding?

That's awesome.

We're staying right here.

In our home.

Come on, people, let's get out of here!

We're not moving.

Mom changed her mind.

What?!

No no no, we have to go!

Right now!

Whoa whoa whoa.

What did you do?

- I didn't do anything.

- Mrs. dabney: Help!

Ignore that.

What's going on?

That little monster covered my entire porch with glue.

Even the mail.

- Gabe, why did you do that?

- I had to get the last laugh.

Okay, but that's not funny.

It's kinda funny.

- A little help here.

- Okay, hang on, Mrs. dabney.

- We'll get you unstuck.

- I got it.

- Uh - Wai I don't got it.

Well, Charlie, we're back to being a one-house family.

A one-home family.

And we couldn't be happier.

I'll edit that out later.

Oh, so Spencer and I were fired.

From super adventure land.

Apparently, Ben Franklin.

Kissing George Washington was deemed.

Historically inaccurate.

Although they did like each other A lot.

Hey, guys, pj got his head stuck in the swingset again.

Okay.

I'll get my tools.

I'll get the butter.

There's no place like home.

Good luck, Charlie.

Many years ago, the founders of super adventure land gathered for a very important meeting.

Gentlemen, we've built this beautiful theme park, now all we need is a name.

I know.

We'll call it land of adventure super.

Of course you'd put your name first, Richard land.

Well then, what do you suggest, Frank adventure?

Something that rolls right off the tongue.

"Adventure of super land.

" That's not bad.

Not bad.

Let me make one slight adjustment.

We'll call it: "Super land of adventure. " Gentlemen.

Terrible news!

We've just got this telegram.

Arthur of Is dead.

Of's been offed?

I'm afraid so.

With art of gone, it's down to just the three of us: Super, adventure, land.

Betty, put on a pot of coffee.

We're gonna be here awhile.