03x13 - T. Wrecks

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Dad.

How was your day? Do you really want to know? Actually, I was just being polite.

It was horrible! Oh, good.

So you're gonna tell me anyway.

Toby kept me awake all night, so I was a zombie all day.

You know, I was so tired I used termite spray on a nest full of rats.

Well..

You'll uh..

You'll k*ll them tomorrow, huh, Dad? I never know what to say.

Oh, no.

You know what? I think I'm just gonna lay down right here.

Oh yeah.

Toby, come on..

Work with me here.

Please? Help a mother out.

Guess who missed his nap? And guess who took an extra long one? Check it out.

I just joined the marching band.

Gabe! Gabe! Gabe! - What? - Take it outside.

No, Mrs.

Dabney just told me to take it inside.

Honey? Honey? Here's some mail for PJ.

Maybe you could take it to his apartment tomorrow? - How about if I do it now? - Okay.

This is so great.

Hang on.

I'll get my baton.

Today's all burnt toast running late and Dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite.

Grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

Hey, thanks for coming to my volleyball game.

Oh yeah.

My pleasure.

Getting to see all those cute guys running around in tight shirts and shorts.

But mostly you.

I focused on you.

Well, it was an awesome game.

I'm telling you, the team's really coming together this year.

Yeah? Yeah, it must be really fun to be a part of a team.

You know what's kind of sad? This is my last year of high school and I've never played a sport.

Oh well.

You know what? I'll join the girls' volleyball team.

You're gonna play volleyball? Look, it's not that easy.

Well, how hard could it be? You do it.

It's very difficult, all right? I just make it look easy.

Kind of like being your boyfriend.

Oh oh oh! Oh, yes! All day long! I got it.

- Hey.

- Hey, Dad.

Welcome to Casa De PJ and Emmett.

What? Wait, I thought we were calling it "Emmett and PJ's World O' Fun"? So, what brings you to our place to be named later? I brought you some mail.

Hey! You got chairs.

Oh, yeah.

Quite the change from Casa De Drums and Screaming Kids.

Oh, let's go with "World O' Fun, they're already using "Casa De".

You know, it's not always this quiet here, Mr.Duncan.

We're right next door to a fire station, so we get a lot of sirens.

So, does a siren go off every hour of the night because it's hungry? Does a siren need to be burped and changed? You don't know a lot about sirens, do you? Well, Dad, um, thanks for stopping by.

It, uh..

Dad? I think he's asleep.

And he's sitting on the remote.

How are we gonna change the channel? - I got an idea.

- What's that? Uh..

- It worked.

- Okay.

- Wait, wait, wait, go back.

- Oh um.

- Ah.

- Perfect.

Okay.

Now how are we gonna turn up the volume? - Volume's fine.

- Yup.

Hey, Mom? I need some help with my science project.

Where's Dad? Uh, hello? Why don't you want my help? Come on, Gabe.

I'm great at science.

And it sounds like fun.

Helping me with a science project sounds fun? I'm covered in spit-up.

Work with me, here.

All right.

I'll give you a sh*t.

Great.

And just so we're clear, I'm not gonna let you trick me into doing all the work like you do with Dad.

For your information, Dad enjoys being tricked.

It's part of the dance we do.

All right, what's the project? Building a model rocket to launch at the science fair.

Ooh.

Fun.

- When's it due? - Two days.

Two days?! Why did you wait until the last minute? Well, that's when Dad does his best work.

That's true.

Listen up, everybody.

I want you to meet the newest member of our team.

- Hi, everybody.

I'm Teddy.

- Wrong.

No, I'm pretty sure.

Teddy's too soft.

It's too nice.

From now on, your volleyball name is uh..

T-Rex! Keep stretching.

I'm gonna get a fresh whistle.

Coach likes to give us all fierce dinosaur nicknames that go with the first letter of our name.

I'm Vonnie, so I'm "Velociraptor," Stephanie's "stegosaurus," Taylor's "pterodactyl".

But pterodactyl begins with a "P".

Tell it to the coach.

He loves to be corrected.

All right, let's get to work.

I'm sorry, I thought you were gonna get that.

Way to go.

Nice sh*t.

That was awesome.

Oh, are you okay? That was mine, wasn't it? That's it.

Practice is over.

Except for you, T-Rex.

I want to talk to you in private.

You stink.

Coach, I don't think we're in private yet.

And do you know why you stink? No.

When I ask a question, I don't want an answer, do you understand me? I don't know what to do.

You're too nice.

Nice people, they get pushed around.

And I'm not talking about volleyball, I'm talking about life.

- It's just my first day.

- And possibly your last.

Now, if you want to stay on my team, you need to come back tomorrow and play with some fire.

- You got it? - Got it.

Oh, and one more thing.

Pterodactyl actually starts with a "P".

I know that it's kind of confusing, but it's..

Get out of here! See? Isn't this nice? Working on a project together.

Nice? It's great.

It doesn't even feel like homework.

It's more like..

Home play, or home joy, or..

Too much? Okay.

Hey, Charlie.

What do you want? Oh..

I forgot, I totally promised Charlie I was gonna play with her.

Charlie, I'm sorry I can't play with you.

Look, I know you've been feeling neglected ever since Toby came along, but I'm working on a big school project with Mom.

Oh, you know, go play with her for a few minutes.

I'll just get this started.

If you say so.

Where's my toy? - Just like we talked about.

- Thank you.

All right, now, let's head down to the basement where you're gonna play "sit quietly," while I play "watch TV".

And then he said that I stink because I'm too nice.

- You know this is all your fault.

- How is it my fault? You're the one who wanted to join a team.

Well, you could have mentioned that the coach was a lunatic.

You know what? I don't need this.

I'm gonna quit.

Well, I thought you wanted to play a sport.

Yeah, well there's plenty of other sports out there.

I'll do the one with the, um..

With the the ball and the stick and the helmet.

Okay, so that would be either Softball, Field Hockey, or Lacrosse.

- Which one's outdoors? - All of them are.

- Which one has the cutest uniforms? - None of them do.

Sports is so hard.

- Gentlemen.

- Hey, Dad.

- What are you doing here? - Again? Oh, I, uh..

Brought you a little housewarming gift.

Vacuum bags.

That will come in handy once we get a vacuum.

Well, Dad, it was nice of you to..

Take off your coat and stay.

I also brought..

This awesome Japanese monster movie.

Your Mom hates it when I watch these at home.

Put it in the thing.

Um..

You know, actually, Dad, we're kind of busy.

That's all right.

Don't worry about it.

You're not gonna bother me.

Just another peaceful day in Tokyo, huh? Oh, that's gonna change.

Teddy? Why are you getting home from work so late? Well, I had a very stressful day at the library.

One of the patrons was talking, and I was gonna say something, but I didn't want to be mean.

Then my boss got mad at me, so I hid in the stacks and cried.

Teddy, you gotta stop letting people walk all over you.

- Yeah.

- What are you standing there for? - Get in the kitchen and make dinner.

- Yes, Sir.

Get the door first.

- Mr.Hammerstone? - Look at you.

Because you quit the team, people walked all over you the rest of your life.

I told you so.

I told you so.

I told you so.

Can I use your bathroom? - Sure.

- I told you so.

That's it.

I am done being nice.

Gumdrops and lollipops..

Aw.

No! Hey, honey.

How'd you sleep? Lousy.

And if that doesn't sound nice, then too bad.

Well, someone's in a mood.

Got a problem with that? Um, Teddy? Sweetheart, um, are you okay? Because you just seem, I don't know, completely different? What? Do you want some of this? Come again? Well, you know whether or not you want it..

I'm not going to give it to you.

That's what I thought.

Gabe, honey? I'm gonna say something to you I have never said before.

Right now, you're my favorite.

Feels good.

Don't get used to it.

- Hey.

- Dad.

How did you get in here? Locksmith let me in.

He let you into our apartment without our permission? Locksmiths and exterminators are brothers.

Yeah, we're like cops and firefighters.

Just a little less heroic.

Hey, you know what? I got you a present.

And you're welcome.

A vacuum cleaner.

Yay.

Uh, so..

Dad, um, how much longer are you..

Oh.

Wait.

Pizza's ready.

- You've gotta get rid of him.

- Don't worry.

He..

He won't stay long.

You know what? I was thinking about getting you guys a sofa bed.

You know, so that when I'm here late and you want me to stay over? Now.

Got an idea.

So, he likes it here because it's quiet, right? - Right.

- Watch this.

- Hey, Dad? - Yeah? Mind if I take the new vacuum for a little test run? Go ahead.

Okay.

Just my luck..

The "shush vac".

Um.

Um, PJ? What are you doing? What? PJ? P..

PJ.

PJ! Yes, Dad? What are you doing? Well, I just don't feel like I'm cleaning unless I hear that sound.

Is..

Is that bothering you? No.

Still quieter than home.

Ah.

Mom.

What did you do to my rocket? Well, uh, first, I built it.

And then I made it purty.

Feathers? Why'd you have to add feathers? Oh, that was Charlie's special touch.

We also named it.

Say hello..

To "Rainbow Sunshine".

I can't take that to school.

Well, I guess you could always redecorate it yourself.

You mean..

Work on my own project? Has it really come to that? I'm afraid so.

It was a good run.

Duncan.

I didn't think you'd come back.

Did you sleep on what I said? Oh, I slept on it, dreamt it, chewed it up, and spit it out.

All right, Dinos, listen up.

We're gonna scrimmage the boys' team today.

Yeah! Whatever scrimmage means, bring it! Thought you were quitting.

What? You're trying to get in my head? Or you afraid to lose to a bunch of girls? You trash talk your boyfriend? I'm so gonna do that as soon as I learn how to trash talk..

- And get a boyfriend.

- Oh yeah.

Got lucky, punks.

Oh, sweetums! Oh.

I think you broke my nose.

T-Rex, let me get in there.

Oh! Oh, my nose! She broke my nose too.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't..

It was an accident.

They were both accidents.

Sweet mother, I created a monster! No.

Guys, come on.

I'm not a monster.

I'm not a monster.

Does anyone know when Field Hockey try-outs are? All right.

All right.

All right, I'm done! Come on.

- Wow.

- What do you think? You ruined it.

Rainbow Sunshine is now..

"Black Night Doom m*ssile Terror Fireball".

All right, let's do a test launch.

Okay, whoa.

Before you do, I've prepared a few words.

Oh boy.

"From the beginning of time, man looked to the heavens and said..'Stupid birds! How come they get to fly and we don't?'" - I'm pushing the button.

- No, no, no! I haven't gotten to my favorite part.

Wait, wait, wait.

Three, two, one..

Blast off.

Yeah, that's some fireball.

- Hey.

- Hey.

What are you doing out here? Uh, we need to talk.

Okay, but can we do it over at your place? Because I'm way more comfortable over there.

Actually..

Actually, let's do it here.

Okay? Okay.

Wow, this is really hard.

I..

Don't really know how to do this.

Well, PJ, if it's hard to say, just say it fast.

It's like..

Like tearing off a bandage.

All right.

Here goes.

Idon'twantyoutohangoutatmyplacesomuch.

You might want to tear that a little slower.

I..

- Don't..

- Little little..

Little faster.

I don't want you to hang out at my place so much.

Look, I'm sorry, Dad, but I moved out of the house so I could be on my own.

Kind of hard to do that when you're always there.

I see.

You mad at me? No.

- Okay.

- No.

No, come on, you're absolutely right.

It's your place.

You don't want your old man hanging out there all the time.

No, I do not.

I mean..

I mean..

Thanks for understanding.

Oh, I'm gonna miss your place.

Because let me tell you something.

Around here? It always feels like there's something crazy going on.

Oh.

Mom, I think I found the problem.

Loose wires.

Well dude.

Stick 'em together.

- Was that a rocket? - Yup.

Come over any time, Dad.

- How about now? - Let's go.

Hey, Charlie.

So, big news.

Looks like I'm staying on the volleyball team.

You know, after they make a few minor repairs to the gym.

Speaking of minor repairs.

So this is what happens if you let Mom help you with a school project.

Okay, it was not my fault.

Really? Because Gabe said you uttered the words..

"Dude, stick 'em together".

I don't recall exactly what I uttered.

Okay.

Well, consider yourself warned.

If you ever allow Mom to help you with a science project..

Good luck, Charlie.

Fly, rocket.

Fly high.

Hey, hon.

Bob? What are you doing here? Oh, PJ and Emmett kicked me out.

So I'm just looking for a little peace and quiet.

Well, you're crowding me.

Get lost.

I'm crowding you? In outer space? Oh, would you just leave? Honey, I'm floating.

It's not like I can steer the chair.

Oh, well let me help you out.

Hey..

Whoa whoa whoa! Fly chair.

Fly high!