03x18 - Nurse Blankenhooper

[bunniefuu]

Gabe.

Gabe, I have something to tell you.

Tomorrow when I take you to school, I'm going to park the car and come inside.

Mom, we've been over this.

If you have to use the bathroom, you can just go at the gas station.

You didn't let me finish.

No.

The reason I'm going inside is Please don't freak out.

I'm gonna be your school nurse.

What?! No! ( Stammering ) You can't Why do you hate me?! Well, thank you for not freaking out.

My mom is working at my school? ( Sighs ) My life is over.

It's just for a week, okay? I'm just filling in while your regular nurse is on vacation.

You couldn't have done this at a worse time.

Right now at school, I'm considered cool.

( Laughs ) I just Okay, you're serious.

Go on.

Well, there's this really cool kid, Walker, and he invited me to eat at his lunch table.

Now, they're all eighth graders, and I'm only a seventh grader.

Do you how big of an honor that is? Oh, Gabe.

I'm sorry.

I I had no idea.

Why didn't you tell me? I'll just turn down the money we need for groceries.

Thank you.

And then I'll teach you about sarcasm.

Well, can't you at least not tell anybody you're my mom? I mean, maybe you can use a different name.

Well, I guess I could use my maiden name.

Blankenhooper.

That's good.

And if we see each other at school, we just keep going.

We don't talk, we don't look at each other, we don't interact in any way.

- So just like breakfast? - Exactly.

( Rock music playing ) Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

- Hey, dad.

- Hey, honey.

Oh, hey.

I'm Bob.

I'm Teddy's dad.

I know.

I'm Vonnie.

We've met, like, three times.

Oh, I'm I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Happens all the time.

Some people just don't stand out in a crowd.

Or in a group of two.

Well, I won't forget you again.

All right, girls.

So what you working on? Oh, it's a it's an assignment for our business and marketing class.

Basically, come up with a product idea then pitch it to the group.

Oh! I got I got a good idea for a product.

Let me guess, it's the corn chips that clean your teeth while you eat them? Did I mention they come in different flavors? Bye, dad.

- Dentitos.

- Bye, dad.

So, let's talk.

( Coughs ) Let's talk ideas.

- What's up with your voice? - Oh, it's just a little scratchy.

- So, uh, what'd you come up with? - It's your house, you go first.

Okay.

Um, so my idea is pajamas with a fun twist.

Basically, they're footie pajamas that you decorate yourself.

Introducing Graffooties! Wow.

Man, that is so weird.

What is? I had the exact same idea.

I mean, I don't have a drawing, or like a name, but everything else, exactly the same.

You don't have an idea, do you? No, ma'am.

I do not.

- Vonnie? - Yep? What have you been doing all week? Congratulating myself for picking you as my partner? ( Knocking on door ) ( Groans ) ( Knocking continues ) I'm coming.

I said I'm coming.

Mom? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? I'm dropping off Charlie and Toby.

I thought Gabe would be the first kid you got rid of.

PJ, I'm working at Gabe's school.

You're gonna have to watch the little ones for a few days.

I thought I explained all this on the phone to Emmett.

- Didn't he give you the message? - No, he didn't.

I'm gonna call him.

( Cell phone ringing ) Hello? Emmett, did you forget to give me a message? Your mom's dropping the kids off.

- I'll pick them up at 3:30.

- She'll pick them up at 3:30.

Hey, you.

Have fun.

Okay.

Is this your house? Yep.

Were you bad? Well, hello there, kid I don't know.

I'm nurse Blankenhooper, what's your name? You promised you wouldn't talk to me.

Well, I just wanted to let you know that your zipper is down.

Oh! Made you look.

( Laughs ) I love middle school.

- Hey, s'up.

- S'up.

I can't believe I have to run the mile in P.E.today.

- I hate the mile.

- Yeah, me too.

It totally ruins my hair.

Someone as cool as you shouldn't have to run the mile.

I mean, your name's Walker, not runner.

( Chuckles ) Am I right? Don't worry about me, dude.

I'm not running it.

How are you gonna get out of it? I've been in eighth grade for three years now, I've picked up some things.

Oh, nurse? Over here.

What's the problem? Oh, the problem is, I just totally barfed.

Guess I can't go to P.E.

Wow, that looks like potato soup and fruit punch.

That's what I ate.

Guess they had a fight in my stomach.

Are you sure they were ever in your stomach? They seem to have landed in two separate puddles.

Yeah.

Gnarly, huh? So, guess you'd better write me a note to get out of P.E.

Yeah, I better.

Okay.

I'm gonna write you an ID 10-T form.

Okay.

I want you to wear this all day.

( Laughing ) ( Chuckles ) Enjoy P.E.

Hey There she is! There he is.

The guy who can't remember my name.

I remember your name Connie.

Nope.

Oh, uh Little bit of bad news, Teddy's got some laryngitis.

Doctor's said she shouldn't speak for a couple of days.

A couple days? But what about our presentation? Oh, me? No.

I can't.

No, but I've never given a presentation before.

Wow.

Look at this! It's like she knows exactly what you're gonna say.

Hey, I bet you don't have a card for me.

And away I go.

Oh, uh, good-bye Vonnie! Can I can I keep the card? Okay, here we go.

Can I have my balloon back now? Whatever.

- Hi, PJ.

- Hey, Mindy.

I didn't know you were a babysitter.

I'm not.

I'm just watching my brother and sister.

Actually, I'm kind of in a bind.

My nanny just canceled.

Any chance you could watch the twins for a couple of hours? Oh I don't know.

I'll pay you 15 bucks an hour.

- Per kid? - Sure.

Wow.

Let's see, that's 15 bucks an hour times two kids for two hours.

Oh, let's see.

Carry the one Just say yes.

Yes.

Okay.

So here's my new plan.

Yesterday's fake puke went on the floor, tomorrow's is gonna go all over nurse Blankenhooper.

You're gonna puke on her? Doesn't that seem a little extreme? Yeah.

We're gonna humiliate her so bad, she'll never show her face in this school again.

Well, I do like that part.

Hey, Teddy.

How you feeling? Male voice: Super good and getting better.

What's all this? This is how I'm going to communicate with you today.

A text-to-speech program.

Okay.

Here's the presentation.

Read this out loud.

Hi.

I'm Vonnie.

My partner Teddy and I have something very exciting to share with you today.

Be more excited.

Give me some sizzle with that steak.

Hi! I'm Vonnie.

My partner Teddy and I have something very exciting to share with you! Stop.

You're k*lling me.

Hey.

Don't take that tone with me.

This is the only tone I have.

I can't do this.

Let's just give up.

What is wrong with you? Are you a loser? Hey! I'm not a loser! You're a loser! That's it.

Use that passion tomorrow.

You'll nail it, Connie.

Sorry, typo.

Vonnie.

Little Lambs Babysitting Service, taking good care of your kids since Yesterday.

Yes, we are fully licensed.

I've been driving for two years.

Hello? PJ, this babysitting thing is a gold mine.

I know, dude.

We got seven kids.

Seven times 15, times two Carry the three uh.

I'm bored.

Hey, I'm kinda bored too.

Okay.

Uh, how about music time? - Yeah, music time? - Yeah.

- Come on, kids.

Yay! - Gather around, little lambs.

- Come on.

- There we go.

Uh.

Grab a crayon.

Draw a flower.

You get all this for 15 an hour.

Fun in leaps, and fun in bounds.

And now it's time to sing about sounds.

- A car goes - Beep.

- And a dog goes - Woof.

- And a bird goes - Tweet.

- And a phone goes - Ring.

- And a bee goes - Buzz.

And these are the sounds of the sounds.

And these are the sounds, of the sounds.

- Yay! - Woo! ( Knocking on door ) Wait.

Shh shh shh shh.

- Verna: What's going on in there? - It's the landlady.

Um Hey, kids.

How about a field trip to bathroom land? - Yay! - Woo! Hey, come on.

Silent trip.

Silent trip.

Verna! Who's making all the noise? I heard kids.

You got kids in here? No.

No kids.

Just us.

( Chuckles ) Then what's with all the juice boxes? And the shirts? We're just two young guys who like to drink juice from boxes, while wearing matching shirts.

- It's relaxing.

- Yeah.

Well, I hope you're not running some kind of babysitting service.

Because that is against building regulations.

( Chuckles ) Babysitting service? Oh, that's ridiculous.

No, it's just me and Emmett.

( Toilet flushes ) Somebody in your bathroom? Mm-mm, no, it's uh, the toilet's broken.

Yeah, we're having this delayed flushing issue.

It's very upsetting.

When I do my business, I like it to be gone immediately.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

I'll grab my tools and be right back.

Okay.

Dude, what are we gonna do? We have to hide the kids.

Okay.

Um.

Field trip to the ledge.

No.

- No.

- Okay.

- Hey, mom.

- Hey.

Whoa.

What? Nothing, it's just You look kind of tired.

What? That's ridiculous.

I feel great.

Took a three hour nap in the nurse's office today.

Kids kept banging on the door, I was out.

I think you should take tomorrow off.

Why? Well, you've heard of bring your kid to work day? Well, tomorrow's keep your mom at home day.

Come on, Gabe.

You're better than that.

Oh, just stay home.

I'm desperate.

What is going on? Well, I'm going through the worst dilemma of my life.

It's you versus being cool, and I can't believe I'm picking you.

Okay, Gabe.

What's going on? Well, you didn't hear this from me, but There's a good chance you're getting puked on tomorrow by Walker.

I'm getting puked on and you struggled to tell me? This kid throws really cool parties.

- I gave birth do you! - That was a long time ago! Look, can you please just not come to school tomorrow? Okay.

Okay, so I don't go in tomorrow.

What about Thursday and Friday? When does it end? Saturday.

- Easy.

Easy.

- Okay.

Perfect.

( Knocks on door ) It's open.

Here to fix the toilet.

Bathroom's right over there.

- Was that there before? - Was what there before? The giant pile of clothes.

Laundry day.

Yeah.

You drink as much juice as we do, you're gonna have a lot of laundry.

Well, shouldn't you get started with your wash? Uh Yes.

We should.

Emmett.

Come on.

Let's get started.

Aah aah aah! Hello.

( Doorbell rings ) Male voice: Turns out laryngitis is contagious.

Oh, no.

Our presentation is in one hour.

What are we going to do? Oh, hey girls.

What's up? I have an idea.

I have the same idea.

You go first.

Bob: Hi.

I'm Teddy.

My partner, Vonnie and I have something very exciting to share with you today.

We take you to a sleepover Somewhere in the U.S.A.

Ding dong.

Hey, girl! Thanks for the sleepover.

No prob.

That's what besties do.

I just wish there was some way we could wake up this slumber party.

Well now, there is.

(Dance music playing) Yeah yeah yeah yeah! With Graffooties! The all new pajamas you can write on.

Wow! That combines the two things girls love best.

Drawing and sleepwear.

Now together in one super fun package.

Omg.

Bff.

Graffooties will make you lol.

Ha ha ha.

Hee hee hee.

Ho ho ho.

Graffooties.

They make bedtime a blast.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah! ( Music stops ) ( Cheering, applause ) Ah, there's Blankenhooper.

Now, Gabe.

Remember what to do? Yeah.

I distract her while you take a big swig of mushroom soup.

And then boom.

I get her right in the face.

Oh, nurse? I don't feel so good.

- Oh, no.

What's wrong? - Oh, I feel nauseous.

Oh.

Nurse! Look over there.

Something medical looks like it's happening.

Hey, don't distract me, kid.

Can't you see that this boy here is very ill? Fortunately, I've come prepared.

( Whimpers ) - What's that? - Your anti-nausea sh*t.

Uh I don't need it.

Actually, I'm feeling a whole lot better now.

Oh, no.

That means the puke is eating your brain.

I'm gonna have to give you this sh*t right in your head.

- In my head? - In your head.

First, of course, I'm gonna have to shave your hair.

( Razor buzzing ) What? No! Here we go Mmm! Spaghetti.

Okay.

All right, Charlie.

Uh Well, Teddy still can't talk so Uh, dad's gonna fill in for the video diary.

So, uh Good luck, Charlie.

What? I thought that was pretty good.

We all right.

We okay.

Uh, Charlie, I guess I'm supposed to say more.

So uh All right, well uh Okay, so this week, uh, Teddy learned a very valuable lesson About um uh Being yourself? Telling the truth? Going for it? Teamwork? Teamwork! Teamwork.

Because oh oh oh oh! Because if you don't work as a team, then the team don't work.

Huh? How about that.

That come on, that's pretty good.

I got a bunch of that.

Good luck, Charlie.

( In Bob's voice ) What am I gonna do? Ever since the presentation, my voice has been like this.

( In Teddy's voice ) You think you got problems? I got kicked off my bowling team because of this.

( In Gabe's voice ) Hey, guys.

Something really strange is going on around here.

( In Amy's voice ) Tell me about it.

I know at this age my voice is supposed to change, but not into my mom's! What are you doing here? ( In Verna's voice ) I'm just here to fix the toilet.