04x02 - Student Teacher Week

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Saved by the Bell". Aired: August 20, 1989 to May 22, 1993.*
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Series follows a group of high school friends and their principal at the fictional Bayside High School in LA.
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04x02 - Student Teacher Week

Post by bunniefuu »

[bell rings]

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

Zack, hey, hey.

Shh shh shh!

I have to begin today's
assembly on a sad note.

Bayside's talent show
has been postponed.

Aw! Aw! Aw!

Our condolences to
ventriloquist Muffin Sangria

whose dummy, Jo-Jo,
was eaten by termites.

Ha ha!
Ha ha!

This is serious.

Why don't we start a fire with his
remains and toast marshmallows?

Muffin, we're sorry
for your loss.

Ha ha ha!

No, I mean it.

I-I'm serious.

Zack, help.

Uh!

Uh, we're all sorry, Muffin.

All right, everyone,

this Friday's the city
championship game against Valley.

Here's our
quarterback, A.C. Slater.

A.C.! A.C.! A.C.!

Thank you.

To win, we need all
of you to support us.

Our tackling dummy is broken,

so all cute blondes are
welcome to come out and fill in.

That's sexist.

You know, she's right.

All brunettes and
redheads are welcome, too.

Tomorrow starts
student-teacher week,

and Mr. Belding will now
announce the winners.

Thank you, Jessie.

Now, based on
their written essays,

the following students have been
selected to be teachers for one week--

Bill Jones for
Foreign Languages,

Zarina Keby-nor Jallawari
Singh El Kemelaroudi --

English,

for History-- Oh!--
Kelly Kapowski.

Me? I can't believe it!

- I'm so happy!
- Me, too.

I just got underwear that fits!

For math, Al Pleskin,

and finally, our student
gym teachers will be

Lisa Turtle and Screech Powers.

I'm so happy for you.

I've always dreamed of this day.

I can't wait.

Our student-teachers will have
the same duties as other teachers

and deserve the same respect.

Well, hey, that should be easy.

They never get any.

You know, Zack, I was really
impressed with your essay.

Why don't you share it with us?

You're kidding, right?

Ahem.

"Why be a teacher when
you can be a principal?

"It's the easiest job around.

You don't do anything.
Ask Belding. The end."

Zack, your wish has come true.

You are our new
student-principal.

Me? You mean I'll have
your job for a week?

That's right, Mr. Morris.

We're switching places.

You are the principal,
and I am the student.

Well, fine, Richard.

Now move your car.
It's parked in my space.

I didn't know you
want to teach, Kelly.

You know, I've been thinking
about teaching a lot lately.

Teachers help people.
They can make a difference.

If you were my teacher,
I'd stay after school every day.

You do that now.

If I'm good at teaching,
I've found a career.

I'm going to be
a good principal.

I'll make Bayside
more interesting.

Really? How?

By, uh, enlarging the peepholes

in the girls' locker room.

[blows whistle]

I'm Muscle Screech
from Muscle Beach,

but starting tomorrow,
you can call me "Teach."

Hey, buddy, why are
you teaching gym?

[imitating German accent]
So that I can pump you up.

This is you, Ox.

No, that's "X." I'm Ox, dummy.

Trust me, ok?

Forgive him.

He played last week
without a helmet.

I sensed that.

- [bell rings]
- I'll get it.

Would you all please
take your seats?

Hey.

Ok, Kelly.

Uh, please, it's Miss Kapowski.

Yeah, sure.

Come on, you're kidding, right?

Sit down, Slater.

Sorry I'm late.

I stopped to buy you
a welcome present.

That's nice.

They were out of apples,
so I got you applesauce.

Thank you... I think.

Good morning, class.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Kel.

I'm your new teacher Kelly.

I mean, Miss
Kazowski-- Kapowski.

Yeah, that's it.

Today we're going to talk about

World w*r I and World w*r II.

Hey, that's World w*r III!

What is?

When you add them together.

Ha ha!

It is, isn't it?

Well, now, let's talk
about your homework assignment

last night from Mr. McGee.

What big event
started World w*r I?

The assassination of Archduke
Francis Ferdinand of Austria.

Good. And when did--

June 28, 1914.

Right again. And who--

quit sucking up.

Slater, when did
Turkey enter the w*r?

On Thanksgiving?

Ha ha ha! Ha ha!

No. In late October, 1914.

Slater, when did
World w*r I end?

Probably before
World w*r II began.

Ha ha! Ha ha!

It's not funny.

Bull, do you know the answer?

Huh?

Ox?

Ha ha!

Did anyone do their homework?

I did.

Oh, suck up! Suck up!

This is your
Principal, Mr. Morris.

Will the following students
please come to my office --

Heather McGinley and Gina Larue?

Since most of you
didn't read the chapters,

I suggest you study them along
with chapter 10 for tomorrow's test.

Test? We have
practice till 7:00,

then we have to
learn our new plays.

Sorry. I have to follow
Mr. McGee's lesson plan.

We'll see about that.

Girls, I've been reviewing your
records and they seem incomplete.

How, Principal Morris?

Please, call me Principal Zack.

Well, all your grades
seem to be here,

but your files don't say
anything about, uh...

boyfriends.

Oh, I just broke up with
my boyfriend, Principal Zack.

I don't know what to do.

I do.

Let's go to a movie
tomorrow night.

I feel better already.

See, I care about my students.

I don't have a boyfriend
either, principal Zack.

Please call me Zack,

and please call me tonight.

I'll put you on speed-dial.

Oh, speed-dial.

Bye.

Oh ho ho! Yes!

Slam dunk! Oh!

Hi. I just came to
get my datebook.

You shouldn't be
dating. You're married.

Very funny.

I'll just be a second.
It's in the top drawer.

Wait a minute.
Did I send for you?

No.

Do you have a
pass to be in here?

Well, no...

Then I am sending
you to detention, Richie.

Well, that is ridiculous, Zack.

It is Principal Morris to you,

and you're getting double
detention for showing no respect.

Now get back to class.

Shoo! Shoo!

Oh!

Oh, great.

Listen, Zack.

Kelly is taking this
teacher thing too seriously.

She's giving a test tomorrow,

but we have to get
ready for the game.

Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.

Miss Kapowski, please
report to my office immediately.

Thanks, pal.

It's good to know low
people in high places.

Oh!

Yo, secretary, call
and order six pizzas.

I'm having lunch with
the girls' swim team.

Oh, and charge it
to Richie Belding.

[knock on door]

Come in.

You wanted to see me?

I wanted to say I've heard
good things about you.

Really? I'm glad.

I'm trying to do a good job
like our regular teachers.

Kelly, we have an opportunity
here to do something special--

please sit--

to get away from the old ways where
learning is full of stress and for once

make it fun.

How do we do that?

By getting rid of the pressures.

We eliminate tests.

We know how we hate them.

I want my students
to enjoy learning

and not worry about grades.

You're really taking
your job seriously.

You bet, Kelly.

Now will you support
my no-test policy?

- I'm with you, Zack.
- Thank you.

Boy, I'm good.

I almost believed
that speech myself.

All right,
you Limp Lucies, line up.

Suck in that gut, jelly belly.

You call that a pec?
I call it a problem.

Is that your chest, or did two
Tic-Tacs fall down your shirt?

Get 'em moving, Screech.

I want to see hard
bodies around here.

What does this remind you of?

An x-ray with hair.

Jessie, how come
you're not working out?

I want to review my
notes for your test.

Zack's doing away with tests.

He wants learning to be fun.

Oh, get real, Kelly.

Zack's idea of a good education

is sitting between a
pretty girl and a smart nerd.

Being principal has changed him.

Did you hit your head
on a pompom again?

Hey, Jessie, Kelly.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey, A.C.!
- Hey, hey, fellas!

Huh! Huh! Grrr!

Huh huh huh huh!

They should be caged
and given bananas.

Slater, I have good news.

The test is off.

Alright. I knew
Zack could do it.

Do what?

Uh... nothing... nothing.

What do you mean?

Zack got teach
to cancel that test.

Oh, I get it.

Well, this cheerleader
says the test is O-N on.

But Kelly, I didn't study.

Yeah, if we take
that test, we'll flink.

That's flunk, Ox.

I guess the football
players aren't coming.

Well, at least you
showed up for the test.

If the jocks aren't
taking it, why should we?

You care more about
education than they do.

Nerd myth. Nerd myth.

Deep down, we like to party!

Hey, wait for us.

Nerds are better than nothing.

I don't believe this!

Well, I'm glad
you're responsible.

Thanks for staying, Jessie.

Who says I'm staying?

What?

But you're our class president.

Kelly, there's no way I'm going
to take your stupid test alone.

If I panic, I'll
get a low grade.

There will be no
curve to pull me up.

See ya, sister.

Whoa! Has there
been a b*mb scare?

The football players cut a
test, so everyone ditched.

Kelly, it looks like you've
lost control of your class.

That reflects on the teacher
as much as the students.

What do I do?
You're the principal.

No, I'm a guy who just bribed
Mr. Tuttle to get out of detention.

Zack's the principal now.

He's the problem.
Can't you do something?


No, but you can.

Aw, look, Kelly,

a good teacher can always find
a way to get through to anyone.

Well, gotta go.

I don't have a hall pass!

- Kelly.
- You need to take school seriously.

What?

- Who do you think you are?
- I'm your teacher.

Please, you're not a real teacher.

Hey, what is going on here?

Slater and the players purposely
cut class to miss my test.

What are you going to do?

I am going to take stern action.

You're on probation, Miss Kapowski,
for violating my no-test policy.

What?

You've let me down.

I've let you down?

Yes. You're taking this
teacher thing way too seriously.

I'm the only one who is.

I'm working hard because
it's important to me.

Listen, Kelly.

I work just as hard as you do.

I put in a full day of school
and practice till dark.

Then I hit the books
till 12:00 or 1:00 and why?

Because everyone
wants us to b*at Valley.

I deserve a break.

- Good point. Chip?
- Thank you.

I have a week to prove
myself as a teacher,

and you break the rules.

Everyone walks out, and I'm known as
Kelly Kapowski "The girl with no class."

Why must be a loser
so you can be a winner?

Mmm. Good point, too.

Zack, you can't let the football
players get away with this.

Kelly, come on. I
bet on this game.

And I bet a lot on you

as a boyfriend, a friend,
and now as a principal.

You know, I always
thought you were special.

I guess I lost that bet.

You're still special
to me, Zack.

Really special.

Can't we work out a compromise?

- No!
- No!

You're both my friends.
I don't know what to do.

Do the right thing...

If you remember what that is.

You wanted to see
me, Principal Morris?

It wasn't me who
put jell-o in the pool.

No, that's not it.

I'm quitting. I don't want
to be principal anymore.

I don't want the job.

I'm having too much
fun being a student.

We're going to moon
the crossing guard.

Come on, stop it.

Stop acting like Zack Morris?

Well... yeah.

No way.

- Ouch!
- Ha ha!

- I'm out of here.
- Hey, no, you're not.

The purpose of the student-teacher
project is to learn responsibility.

You're going to stick
with it until you do.

I'm between two friends.

No matter what I do
I'll lose one of them.

Being principal
isn't about friends.

It's about doing what's
best for the school.

Well, see you at the pep rally.

Hey, we're going
to b*at Valley, right?

Right.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ready! O.K.

♪ Hit 'em, pound
'em flat like bread ♪

♪ Fight 'em, bite 'em
till the field runs red ♪

♪ Block 'em, sock
'em, knock 'em dead ♪

♪ Then pick them up
and spike their head ♪

♪ b*at Valley! ♪

I don't get it.

How come you're
here cheering for us?

I want the team to win,
too, just not your way.

Now our gym teacher wants to
say a few words to the football team.

Men, you can b*at Valley.

Your bodies have come a
long way in the time I've had you,

just like mine.

[pop]

Thank you, coach.

Tomorrow is the day
we've all been waiting for.

We'll bring the championship
back to Bayside, right?

[cheering]

And now my best buddy

and the football
team's favorite principal,

Zack Morris.

I want to wish the football
team the best of luck today,

but winning's not
going to be easy

because I'm
suspending A.C. Slater

and the other players who
skipped Miss Kapowski's test.

The team will play without them.

[booing and hissing]

What you did took courage.

I admire you, Zack.

I'm glad somebody does.

I have fewer
friends than Belding.

I should go on Love Connection.

You did what was right.

You are special.

Well, thanks.

The kids don't seem to think so
and everyone in school hates me.

It's only a game.
They'll get over it.

Hrrr! Hrrr!

♪ Down with Zack! He's a hack ♪

♪ We want Mr. Belding back! ♪

Hey! You said you
were on our side.

- Why did you turn on us?
- You broke the rules.

I'll break your neck!

And I'll break your neck!

Do you want me to
send for your mother?

Gosh, no, she'd k*ll me.

Mine, too.

It's going to be your
fault if we lose, Preppy.

No, it's your fault.

Your first duty here is to get an
education and not play football.

You took advantage of Kelly
because she's your friend.

Would you have
skipped McGee's test?

k*ll him! String him up!

Hey! Wait! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Settle down!

Look, uh... Zack's right.

I'm sorry, Kelly.

I wasn't being a good friend.

That's O.K., Slater.
Apology accepted.

Oh! Oh! Whew!

Bye!

Friends, Preppie?

Hey, man, what do you think?

I wish we could play.

I wish I could give my test.

I bought stick-on smiley faces.

If the football
players took the test,

would you agree they could play?

I guess so. If they passed.

The kickoff's in half an hour.

When will we take
it, during the game?

You're catching on.

[cheering]

- It's terrible.
- What happened?

There's no mustard
for the hot dogs.

In the game.

Valley scored on a trick play.

They surprised us like...

Japan surprised us at
Pearl Harbor in 1941.

Screech, get out of here.

Eee!

[cheering]

Valley scored again.
We're sunk...

Just like the allies
sunk the Bismarck.

Nice try. We're
past that question.

Screech, I'm warning you.

Hey, what's the score?

Valley's winning 21-nothing.

Well, how?

They scored on a
long b*mb just like--

Screech, if you come
in here again, I'll k*ll you.

Hopefully, you'll bury me next to the
unknown soldier in Arlington, Virginia.

Hey, thanks. I got it right.

Guess what. You all passed!

Hey!

Guys, look at the
cute little smiley faces.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Let's get out there
and win that title, huh?

Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

And you deserve an award, too.

There you go.

You're going to
be a great teacher.

Thanks.

You going to be a
principal someday?

Go to school when I
don't have to? No way.

You're probably
wondering if we b*at Valley.

Well...

Bayside 28, Valley 21.

Go Bayside.
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