04x10 - Drinking and Driving

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

Hi, guys.

Zack, your hair looks great.

And, Tory, I just
love that outfit.

It's so... so you.

You've already got my
vote for homecoming queen.

Mine, too.

Oh. Then why am I
wasting my time here?

Terry, I just love
that nail polish.

OK, Ox. The party
is 7:30 Thursday.

Everybody knows
it'll be a blast.

I can't wait. Where's
it going to be?

Your house, remember?

Your parents aren't
going to be home.

We'll meet at the Max at lunch
and plan the party.

I'll bring the water.

Why?

'Cause I'm
the water boy. Duh!

OK, guys, we are seniors,

so this is our last
homecoming football party.

Let's make it great.

Hey, how's the party
planning going, guys?

What party?

Oh!

Good luck.

Thanks.

♪ Da da da-da da-da ♪

Announcing the
homecoming queen elect,

her highness, Lisa Turtle!

[cheering]

Thank you, my loyal subjects.

I got one!

I got one. See?

Congratulations, Lisa.

Bet you're excited about
being crowned on Friday.

You know me.

I do so love being the
center of attention.

I can't plan this party.

These guys have the
combined IQ of an eggplant.

No! Ow!

Ouch!

You guys are animals.

Why don't you have a toga party?

Toga?

Toga! Toga! Toga!

Toga!
Toga! Toga!

Toga! Toga! Toga!

Toga! Toga! Toga!

Hey! Let's trash
this place, huh?

Ah, no!

This is your house!

Oh, bad idea!

Hey, Tammy.

How you doing?

Much better,
now that you're here.

Zack, did you forget about me?

Et tu, brunetté?

Tory!

Tory, have you met
Terry and Tammy?

No. So far
I've been lucky.

The beer is here!

[cheering]

My brother's I.D.
worked great.

Slater.

Uh, hey, that's cool.
No, thanks.

Come on, captain.

Make a toast.

Slater! Slater! Slater!

Slater! Slater! Slater!

All right. All right.

Here's to the Bayside
football team --

not the smartest guys I know,

but the best
party animals anywhere.

Here you go, Preppie. Drink up.

Uh, beer?
I don't know, Slater.

Come on.
It's just a beer.

We're seniors.

Aw, you're right, huh?

What the heck.
What the hey?

Here you go.

Queen Lisa...

Here is your royal brewski.

Long live the queen.

Hear, hear.

I'll drink to that.

Tory, are you having one?

No. I don't drink.
What about you?

Are you kidding? I get a
buzz from cough syrup!

[burp]

Screech: Help! Help!
Help! Help!

Hey, where have you been, Kitna?

Pukin' my guts out.

As long as you're having fun.

Tory, how are you doing?

Having a blast.

I'm out of here.

Tory...

Come on, Zack.
Let's leave.

My coronation is tomorrow.

I need some beauty sleep.

Ah, no problem.

This party's dead, anyway.

I'll call my mom to pick me up.

We'll drive you, Screech.

Lisa's folks are out of town.

We've got her mom's Mercedes.

Guys, I can't drive.
I'm a little woozy.

I don't think I
should drive, either.

I didn't drink.
I'll drive.

Please! You can't even walk
without bumping into something.

That's right.
I'll drive.

You sure you're OK?

You kidding?
I'm fine.

All right.

All right.
Let's go.

[wild thing plays]

Whoo!

[all]
♪ Wild thing! ♪

♪ You make my heart sing ♪

You're my heart, baby.

♪ You make everything ♪

♪ Groovy ♪

I can dig it.

♪ Wild thing.. ♪

Ooh, is it hot in here?

I don't feel too good.

Oh, that's better.

Hey, Lisa, you know
my dog likes to do this.

Zack!

[car horn honks]

Watch the road, Preppie!

♪ Wild thing ♪

[car horn honks]

Aah, Zack!
Hey, you're--

[Screeching tires]

[crash]

All right, Lisa, keep going!

A little more!

OK, OK, OK, OK!

Halt!
Halt!

All right.

Tory, thanks.

Without your money, we couldn't
have towed the car to my house.

There's nothing I'd rather do in the
middle of the night than save your butts.

You sure you're OK?

I whacked my shoulder
when we hit that telephone pole.

It'll be all right.

You are a good friend, Tory.

If I were a good friend,

I never would have let
you drive in the first place.

Man, we're in trouble.

We're underage, we
were drinking and driving--

Shut up.
You didn't drink.

Hey, that's true.

Man, are you guys in trouble!

I'm the one that's in trouble.

Look at my mom's car!

Stay cool.
Your mom won't know.

We'll leave it here so your
neighbors won't see Slater fixing it.

Wait a second.
This is a Mercedes.

Parts are expensive.

Leave it to me.

My dad's coming!

If he knows I've been
drinking, I'll be grounded.

Be cool.

Zack. What's
going on here?

It's late, son.

Nothing, Dad.

We, uh, sort of got
in an accident.

An accident?

Is everybody all right?

Yeah, Dad.

We were coming home from the party

and this dog ran
in front of the car.

Lisa swerved to miss it,

and we sort of
hit a telephone pole.

I'm glad everybody's OK.

I'll help you get this to
Lisa's tomorrow morning.

You can't!

That's right. Her
garage is full of...

boxes.

Tools.

Homeless people.

That's boxes of tools
for homeless people.

Yeah.

We do that every year.

Anyway, I'm going to call your
mother and tell her you're OK.

Zack, he can't call my mother.

She's not home!

Quick-- you call him first.

Lisa, pretend to be your mom.

All right.

[telephone rings]

Hi, Mr. Morris--
uh, Derek.

It's Judy Turtle.

Sorry to call so late.

It's OK, Judy.

I didn't know
whether you'd heard --

the kids were in a car accident.

Yes. Don't worry.
Everybody's fine.

It's no problem keeping
your car for a couple days.

Thanks, Derek. I
really appreciate it.

If you or your wife
ever need an operation,

I owe you one.

Uh... all right.

Judy, get some sleep.

Whew!

All right.

So far, we're in the clear.

I've got to get some sleep.

I feel like Screech looks.

Boy, I feel like my head's
been put through a blender.

I don't see why
people like to drink.

I know.

I feel so nauseous.

You'll feel worse.

It's going to cost 1,000
bucks to fix your mom's car.

- What?
- $1,000?

Yep.

Where will we get that?

I'm dead.

If we get a water pump
from the school auto shop,

we'll only need $500.

Hey, I've got a plan.

Oh, Sylvester!

I've got a way Agnes Kravitz
will remember your name forever.

Forever? Do tell.

We'll put a personal message
to her on Slater's uniform

during the homecoming game.

Holy Toledo, what a great idea!

How much?

It'll only cost you $10.

Oh.

Per letter.

That's right.

So if it reads,
"S.S. Loves Agnes..."

That'll be 120 bucks.

Mm-hmm.

You know...

If a guy did that for me,

I'd be his forever.

Here, here.
Take it.

All right.

OK, we sell a few more messages,

the car gets fixed,

and your mom will never know.

My mother! I forgot to
call her this morning!

Can I use your phone?

Sure.

Hi, Mom?

Lisa?

It's about time.

I tried calling you
till 12:30 last night.

Where were you?

I'm sorry, Mom.

I-- I was, uh, at Tory's
house studying.

Oh!

You're such a good student.

Now, don't you have
something to tell me?

Tell you?
Uh... OK.

I-- I miss you?

Girl, stop teasing me.

Are you homecoming queen or not?

Oh, yes, I am!

I get crowned at the
pep rally tomorrow.

That's wonderful!
I'm so proud of you.

Is everything else OK?

Fine! Perfect!
Especially the car.

I mean, it runs great.

Ring!

Oh, wait. I think
I heard the bell.

Got to go to class.

I love you.

Great job, Lisa.
Whew!

Yeah...
I'm a great liar.

Who'll sneak into the auto
shop for the water pump?

Water pump?
I'll get it.

I'm the water boy!

What are we looking at?

Aah!

What are you doing
with a water pump?

Lisa's mother's car
won't run without it.

Bye!

What's wrong with
Lisa's mother's car?

Boy, I have to
give them credit --

those girls do nice work.

Look at that stitching.

Slater... what happened?

I hurt my shoulder
worse than I thought.

Now I can't play in
the homecoming game.

You can't play in
the homecoming game?

I'll owe $500 in refunds
for your jersey.

Throw little short passes.

Forget the money!

I'm a senior. I'm the
captain. It's homecoming.

Now I have to watch
the game from the bench.

Sorry, Slater.

Yeah, me, too.

Lisa, is everything OK?

Screech told me
about the accident.

He did?

Yeah.

It's not every day a truckload
of bananas spills on the freeway.

I'm just glad your
mother is all right.

Terrible thing about
those monkeys, though.

Oh, yeah, that's terrible.

But the important thing is,

Dr. Turtle
is all right.

Slater, what
happened to your arm?

My arm?

What happened to my arm?

Uh, football practice, sir.

Slater was so intent
on winning Saturday's game,

he threw too hard
and separated his shoulder.

You'll miss the big game!

I know.

I'm sorry.

Aw, don't be sorry, son.

You gave your all in practice.

You're an example to everyone.

I'm proud
of you, A.C.

Yeah... I'm real
proud of me, too.

Being the water boy is more
than just filling cups.

It's knowing when to say,

"spit that out
or you'll get a cramp!"

Uh...

Thank you!
Thank you, Screech.

Now I have a bit of bad news.

Because of an injury
during practice,

A.C. Slater won't
be playing tomorrow.

A.C., would you
say a few words?

Your captain
A.C. Slater!

Hey, guys.

Listen, we had a great year,

and we worked real hard.

Just because I can't play

doesn't mean we can't win.

[sobbing]

Oh, it's all right, big guy.

Here, have some water.

Let's win this one for Slater!

What homecoming would be
complete without a queen?

This year you've elected someone
who's not only beautiful,

but honest, hardworking,
and a great role model...

Lisa Turtle!

Thank you.

I-- I really don't deserve
to be up here.

I'm not everything
Mr. Belding said I am.

But I will try and be
a good queen.

Go Bayside!

Mom, you're back early.

I took a cab from
the airport, honey.

I wouldn't miss seeing my baby
crowned homecoming queen!

Lisa's mom is back!

Is the car ready?

Slater and I finished
it during lunch.

Zack, if Slater isn't playing,

Agnes won't know how deep

my love burns for her.

We want our money back!

I don't have it.

Give me your cellular phone,

and we'll call it even.

My phone?

I've had that phone
since junior high!

What did I do to
get into this mess?

You drove drunk and
hit a telephone pole.

Hey, guys.

Pretty exciting day, huh?

Oh, yeah.

I'd like to get home.

Would you give me a ride?

I-- I can't, mom.

Your car's at my house.

We washed and waxed it.

I'll take you there.

Make sure you wear
your seat belt. Ow!

[engine whines]

[engine whines]

Well, that's funny.
It won't start.

I thought you fixed it.

So did I!

I wonder what's wrong with it.

Did it give you any problems?

Uh, I--

Oh, I know what's wrong!

The-- the wax!

It must have clogged
the fuel injection.

Happens all the time.
Right, Slater?

Uh-- yeah.

It happened to me last week.

We can fix it.

How long till it unclogs?

About an hour.

Oh, OK.
We'll wait.

Or two or three or four hours.

Depends how big the clog is.

I guess we better go.

Can one of you boys
give us a lift?

Sure, I'll give you a ride.

Hey, guys.

Hi, Judy.
Nice to see you.

How do you like the job
these kids did on your car?

Better than any car wash.

Dad, some guy wants
to buy 100 computers.

Better call him.

Business calls.

Slater, you've done a great job.

This doesn't even look
like it's been in an accident.

Accident?

You know, the wax
getting inside.

What wax?

Uh, well, when we finished...

Washing it, we waxed it.

Then it clogged
the fuel injection

and... and...

I can't do this anymore.

It's all a lie.

Dr. Turtle, we got
in an accident in your car.

She knows that.
She called me.

I did?

That was Lisa.

The other night,
we went to a party.

We had a few beers.

Lisa was too buzzed to drive,
but I thought I could.

Well... I was wrong.

We hit a telephone pole.

And we've been lying
to everyone ever since.

Let me get this straight --

you drank, you drove,

and Zack had the accident,
not Lisa.

Then you called Zack's father,
pretending to be me.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I messed up.

Yeah...

me, too.

I'm sorry.

We didn't mean to do anything.

This'll never happen again.

You can say that again.

Lisa, we have a weekend
of talking to do.

A weekend?

But what about homecoming?

You can forget about homecoming,

because you're not going.

Now, come on.
We'll walk home.

You better hope I
burn off some energy,

because I am hot!

A.C., I suggest
you go home

and let your father
know all about this

before he hears it from me.

Yes, sir.

Good luck, Zack.

Dad...

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Doesn't cover it, Zack.

You realize what
could've happened?

You could've been k*lled
or k*lled somebody else!

Guess it was pretty stupid.

Stupid? Oh, yeah.
It was pretty darn stupid.

You risked throwing away
the rest of your life

for a couple of beers,

and you lied to me about it.

Zack, it scares me to think
you could be this irresponsible.

Dad, I--

What would you do
in my position?

Besides get really upset?

Yeah.

Maybe ground me
for a couple weeks.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

And...

And?

Mmm.

Oh.

Take away my car for a while.

Oh, yeah.
For a long while.

You really need to
think about this one, son.

I love you.

I don't want anything
bad to happen to you.