04x20 - Snow White and the Seven Dorks

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Saved by the Bell". Aired: August 20, 1989 to May 22, 1993.*
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Series follows a group of high school friends and their principal at the fictional Bayside High School in LA.
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04x20 - Snow White and the Seven Dorks

Post by bunniefuu »

[bell rings]

♪ When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate
all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

Welcome to drama class.

I'm Bayside's finest actor.

I've performed so well
in the principal's office,

I should win an Oscar.

Good afternoon, young men
and women of the theater.

Good afternoon,
Mr. Baimbridge.

Today let's get in touch
with our emotions.

Our sentence for today is, "the
sun is shining outside my window."

Screech, your turn today.

Say it with, uh...
Sadness, huh?

[tearfully] The sun...

[voice breaks]
is shining...

[squeaky voice]
outside my window.

Oh, no!

Excellent!

Here's a handkerchief.

Pffft!

Today we're going to pick
our annual school play.

Are there any suggestions?

Let's do last year's play.

We already know the lines.

I'm so very impressed
with you, Mr. Morris.

You've turned loafing
into an art form.

Anyone else?

- Chorus Line.
- Cats.

Phantom of the Opera.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

That's a great idea.

You can play doofus.

Actually, fairy tales are
the very foundation of drama.

Consider the emotional
range of Snow White --

loyalty, envy, revenge...

romance.

Yeah, but it's for little kids.

Ah, ah, but it does not
have to be.

You can change it!

Why don't we make the dwarfs
tall blonde chicks in bikinis?

Hey, I'm for that.
Heigh-ho, heigh-ho.

Why don't we do a rap version?

What a brilliant idea.

What do you say, class?

- Sure.
- Cool.

Excuse me.

What about, uh... us?

Yeah. The school's
finest minds

always have to work the
lights and pull curtains.

[deep voice] This year we want
to be onstage sharing the magic.

This year you have my word
you will all have parts.

Ow.

Great. I can see it now --

Snow White and the Seven Dorks.

Mr. Powers.

[b*at box plays]

♪ Yo, I'm the prince,
and I'm a handsome sight ♪

♪ Who's this I see?
Is it Miss Snow White? ♪

♪ Her lips I can read,
so I'm glad I did show up ♪

♪ If I have to kiss Screech,
I think I'm gonna throw up ♪

Thank you very much.

Uh, next.

♪ I'm such a wicked queen ♪

♪ I'd so downright mean ♪

♪ Snow White'll be cold
before she hits 16 ♪

Hold it a minute.

Kelly, I'm having trouble
believing you're a wicked queen.

Me, too,
Mr. Baimbridge.

Can I audition for Snow White?

I'm not a nasty person.

You are an actress, Kelly!

Now, let's just say

that Snow White was picked
as head cheerleader.

How would you feel?

Bad.

And then there was a
recount for homecoming queen,

and Snow White was
the winner there, too.

You're a has-been, Kelly.
You're ancient history.

Now I want to hear you rap.

♪ They say Snow White's
the cutest of the cute ♪

♪ Just wait till I give her
this piece of fruit ♪

♪ I brewed it some poison
and gave it a coat ♪

♪ And now I'm going to shove it
down her pretty little throat ♪

Bravo! Huh?

I'm having a problem
with this audition scene.

It's reactionary
and insulting to women.

Change it.

Put something
of yourself into it.

Think so?

Sure. Act something
you believe in.

Good idea, Zack.

Good luck.

Thank you.

♪ Snow White, we take
pity on you ♪

♪ But to stay with us,
here's what you gotta do ♪

♪ You gotta clean the
house in every nook ♪

♪ Sew, knit, wash-- ♪

♪ Look, you sexist pigs ♪

♪ And that's no lie ♪

♪ You treat me like this
And I'll stay at the Y ♪

[gasp]
[gasp]

♪ You better see the light
'cause you're way outdated ♪

♪ And this Snow White
is liberated ♪

We didn't mean it.

Wonderful, Jessie.
Simply wonderful.

♪ Since I'm a prince,
I don't have to toil ♪

♪ Got no hassle with the castle
or that world ♪

♪ So why am I in
this bummed out mood? ♪

♪ Till I find my one and only,
I'm a lonely dude ♪

Let's see what roles we got!

The mirror on the wall?

She gets the best gossip.

Dork number five?

I wanted dork number two.

Hey, the prince.

Was there ever any doubt?

And I'm Snow White.

The wicked queen.

Oh, I'm sorry, Kelly.

I know you wanted Snow White.

Yeah, I did, but I got
into playing the queen.

Everything's cool, but thanks.

Any time, evil stepmother.

[bell rings]

See everybody at rehearsal.

Uh, Kelly, not me.

I only tried out 'cause I couldn't
stand anyone else kissing you.

Zack, we need you.
Think about it, O.K.?

- Bye.
- See you later.

Zack, you can't quit.

You helped me get the lead.

You're the best prince by far.

I need you.

Jessie, you'll be fine
without me.

But I'll be better with you.

Don't you remember the
last time we acted together?

Yeah. It was
the second-grade play.

We were
Mr. and Mrs. Skunk.

When I got stage fright,
you whispered my lines.

"Don't raise your tail, dear.

It's only the badgers."

I think the world's
ready for us again.

What do you say?

All right, Jess.
I'll be your prince.

♪ Now is she snoozing,
or is she stiff? ♪

♪ I can't help
but wonder if ♪

♪ I gave this gorgeous
babe a kiss ♪

♪ Would it be the end
of her paralysis? ♪

All right.

That's all for today.
Class dismissed.

I'd like to have a chat
with you about the kiss.

Mr. Baimbridge,

if anything happens to Melvin,
can I be dork number two?

Screech, I hereby make
you Melvin's understudy.

I'm so happy!

It's about that kiss.

It just isn't quite working.

This is the romantic
climax of our play.

Now, tomorrow,

I would like you to
try it with more feeling.

O.K.?

All right.

Well, Mrs. Skunk,

I guess we need more fire power.

We better work on it
till the kiss is right.

I think that's called
making out.

That's called acting, Zack.

Come on.
Let's rehearse.

Uh...

Zack.

Come on.

We've been best friends
since kindergarten.

You don't have to be shy.

This is just another school
project we're working on.

O.K.?

Well... since you
put it that way,

O.K.

Good. Now kiss me.

Uh...

What, uh...

What just happened?

You... kissed me.

Wow.

That was...

That was great
acting, Zack. I mean...

You really made me
believe in that kiss.

You were great, too.

I mean you're...

you're... so...
so natural.

- Jessie--
- Zack--

We have to remember that, uh...

That kiss was...
pretend.

I mean, that wasn't a real kiss.

No, of course it wasn't.

I really liked it.

Me, too.

That's enough
rehearsal for today.

I'll see you tomorrow.

♪ Mirror, mirror,
from the mall ♪

♪ Who's the awesomest
of them all? ♪

♪ Brace yourself, queenie
This news is bad ♪

♪ Snow White is now
a lot more rad ♪

We're getting there.

Jessie, how's that
kissing scene going?

Did you work on it?

A little.

If it was Slater,
there'd be no problem.

It's hard kissing
someone else's boyfriend.

Not for Jessie.

I mean Jessie is such
a dedicated actress.

I know she is.

It'll be terrific
by opening night.

I'll bet even before then.

I'm going for sodas.

Good idea.

Bring me one Zack.

I mean back.

O.K., Lisa.
What is going on?

Let's just say
mirrors can see a lot,

especially when they
walk into a drama room.

Lisa, what you saw
was an accident.

Yeah, right, and you were giving
him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

Is Zack a good kisser?

Oh, he's great...

But that's beside the point.

It was a mistake

and could cause trouble
if it was blabbed, O.K.?

I got you.

Promise me you'll never
tell Kelly about this.

My lips are sealed...

More than yours were.

Here she comes.
Not one word.

Kelly, I kissed Zack.

It's part of the play.

I mean I really kissed
Zack and he kissed me.

It didn't mean a thing,
except in the play.

Forget I ever
mentioned it, O.K.?

O.K.

I have to wash my hair.

Don't look at me.
I'm just a mirror.

Oh, there she is.

What are you doing?

We're the seven dorks.

We have to protect you.

We're not acting now.

But we're all trying
to stay in character.

It'll help our performance.

Where are you going?

I'm going out of my mind

if you geeks
don't leave me alone!

We're not geeks.
We're dorks.

Hi, mama.

How's that play going?

What did you hear?

Nothing.
That's why I asked.

Don't ask.

OK. So, let's go
to lunch at the Max.

I have to rehearse.

Dorks, I need you!

Take me to the forest.

Yes, your princessness.

Hey, Preppie.

What's up?

Could I talk to you?

- Sure.
- It's personal.

It's about Jessie.

Man, she is acting weird.

Weird? Really?

Why are you asking me?

You haven't noticed
anything strange?

Nope, not a thing.

Like what?

Have you noticed anything
strange going on during rehearsals?

You think there's another guy?

Guy?

What guy?
There's no guy.

To play it safe,

I'll get into that play
to keep an eye on her.

You hate acting. I'll
keep an eye on her.

I'll take care of this myself.

'Cause if I catch
some clown with Jessie,

I'll pull his lips
up over his head.

Thanks anyway.
You're a pal.

Any time.

♪ Snow White, we came
here in a panic ♪

♪ That apple you're
eating is not organic ♪

♪ Dweebie, nerdy,
geeky, slimy ♪

♪ Shlumpy, dumpy,
Norman-- ♪

Studly. I'm
the eighth dork.

♪ Someone,
call a doctor ♪

♪ No, a prince ♪

♪ Is she snoozing,
or is she stiff? ♪

♪ I can't help
but wonder if ♪

♪ I gave this gorgeous
babe a kiss ♪

♪ Would it be the end
of her paralysis? ♪♪

Prince, why don't you kiss her?

Maybe they like
each other. Oops!

Jessie!

What's going on around here?

I couldn't believe my ears.

The stars of the play quitting
two days before the show opens?

Look, we're sorry, sir.

Sorry? The play is sold out.


Every dork in town is coming.

Now, I believe you two
owe me an explanation.

It's personal,
Mr. Belding.

I'm a person.

Come on.
Let's hear it.

Well, sir...

We have to kiss in the last act,

and it's a problem because
we're both dating someone else.

And they're
unnecessarily jealous.

No, they're necessarily jealous.

You mean that you two are
falling for each other?

We don't know, sir.

It seemed like it.

Yeah, and kissing again

could cause more trouble
than we can handle.

I see.

Well, I must say that
this is very surprising.

Surprising, sir?

Yes.
After all, Jessie,

you are president
of the student council

and an honor student.

And, Zack...

Zack is, uh--

Careful. You're talking
about the man I possibly love.

All right. I'm sorry.

But quitting the play isn't
going to solve your problem.

Oh. Hey, I remember having a
similar experience with Natalie Kendall.

Who?

She was my best friend
in high school.

One day I kissed her.

What happened?

She slugged me.

I had to kiss her
to see whether it was love.

But we already did that.

Well, somehow you need
to find out how you really feel.

And if it isn't love,

you don't have
to be afraid to kiss.

What if it is love?

I'm stuck with an auditorium
full of disappointed dorks.

- Hey, what's up, Kelly?
- Hey.

Slater, did you talk to
Jessie about what happened?

No. She's been
avoiding me.

Did you talk to Zack?

No. He must be
avoiding me, too.

Do you think something's
going on between them

and they feel guilty
about kissing?

That's what I've been wondering.

I can't believe Jessie
could fall for that wimp.

Hey, I fell for that wimp.

It's hard to believe Zack
likes that neurotic egghead.

Hey, that neurotic egghead
is my woman.

Wait. You know, maybe
we're overreacting.

We don't have any proof.

Yeah. Maybe they
were just embarrassed.

Right,

and they're avoiding us

'cause they think
we got the wrong idea.

Let's tell them we understand.

All right. Let's go.

Well...

If we're going to
find out how we feel,

now is as good a time as any.

Are you sure this
is the only way?

What if we still like it?

We're better off
knowing the truth...

even if it hurts.

I guess you're right.

I'll be brave.

Jessie, that was great.

It was great.

I didn't feel a thing.

Me neither.
We're still friends.

We don't have to break
up with Slater and Kelly.

We can still be in
the play. What a relief.

I am so happy, I could kiss you.

Go ahead.
We won't like it.

That's right.

- Wait.
- There's our proof.

Don't get the wrong idea.

We were just kissing

because we were so
happy we didn't like it.

You wimp.
We're through.

Kelly, please.

Slater, sometimes things
aren't the way they seem.

Forget it, you neurotic egghead.

We're through, too.

Thanks, man.
You're a real pal.

All right, everybody.
This is it -- opening night.

As your principal,

I want to say how
proud I am of each of you.

I know all the sweat
that goes into--

Mr. Belding,
they have to go on!

Oh, oh.

In the tradition of the theater,

I won't wish you good luck.

I'll just say break a leg.

Places!

Oh, places, places.

Dorks.

Break a leg, Zack.

In fact, break both legs.

I hope you two enjoy
your kiss tonight.

Don't worry.
We got it covered.

Stick to our plan.

Remember what we did last night.

We'll be fine.

♪ Mirror, mirror,
from the mall ♪

♪ Who's the awesomest
of them all? ♪

Say Jessie, and I'll brain you.

I pass.
Next question, please.

♪ What harm can there
be in eating these ♪

♪ If they only have
70 calories? ♪

♪ Well, the dorks told
me to be suspicious ♪

♪ But I'm tired of doing
their shirts and dishes ♪

♪ You're a nice old lady
I have no doubt ♪

♪ So I'll sample that apple
you're rappin' about ♪

I hope you choke
on it, beanpole.

What is going on here?

I wish I knew.

♪ Now that we see her
lying there ♪

♪ We dorks admit
we've been unfair ♪

♪ This evil spell
your kiss unlocks ♪

♪ We'll split the cooking
and don our own socks ♪

♪ Dork number five,
I gotta disagree ♪

♪ If you want Snow White alive
don't look at me ♪

That's not in the script.

♪ To make her pulse
accelerate ♪

♪ She needs a kiss
from dork number eight ♪

♪ It's true the prince
is just a friend ♪

♪ But studly for me
is the living end ♪

♪ It's you I miss, studly,
and not the prince ♪

♪ Now that we've kissed,
are you convinced? ♪

Uh... uh...

♪ Well, at first I didn't
like all of this drama ♪

♪ But now I trust you,
so kiss me, mama ♪

♪ Me and Snow White
was nothing but hype ♪

♪ Oh, I like her all right ♪

♪ But see,
she's not my type ♪

♪ So don't get me wrong
when I say what I mean ♪

♪ My heart belongs
to this wicked queen ♪

Oh, Zack.
I mean prince.

♪ Yo, I want to announce
to one and all ♪

♪ That I love the mirror
from the mall ♪

♪ And if you touch me ♪

♪ I think I'll knock you
through the wall ♪

♪ That brings our play
to its conclusion ♪

♪ Some things we said might
have been a bit confusin' ♪

♪ But we gave you romance
and a lot of laughter ♪

♪ And hey, we lived
happily ever after ♪♪
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