(theme music playing)
♪ Animals ♪
♪ Animals ♪
(holiday music playing)
♪ I won't need Santa ♪
- Heya. Come on in, huh?
- Hey, Merry Christmas, huh?
- Look who's here, man.
- Salud.
- Hey, how's it going, huh?
- Salud.
Hey, Tony T, it's your turn to twist...
Hey, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, come on!
Okay, Philly, explain it
to me very slowly.
Start from the beginning.
If I have five apples,
then I give away three of the apples,
- how many's left?
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
- You give away three?
- Yeah, I give away three of 'em.
- To who?
I don't know. It doesn't
say it in the thing.
You're just walking around
giving people your apples?
I think, maybe, it's just,
like, a hypothetical.
Listen, Philly, let me tell you
something about life, okay?
You got five apples
in your pocket... (snaps)
...keep 'em in your g*dd*mn pocket.
Don't give 'em to anybody.
- But, Johnny, I think it's just...
- Five, the answer's five.
No, okay, I'll write down five.
(sniffs) Hey, Johnny?
I can't wait to grows up
and be just like you.
Whoa, whoa. Wait, listen, kid.
We're different, okay?
Your destiny is something
much bigger, you know.
Going to college, being a real man.
That's what Pop wanted,
that's what Mom wanted.
- Hey, Johnny?
- Yeah?
Do we ever gonna see Mom...
Mom and Dad again?
Yeah, you know, we see 'em every day.
I see 'em every day. I feel 'em
every day. They're everywhere.
They're here right now.
I feel 'em too, Johnny.
Good. That's why you gotta
study, do your homework,
and keep those f*cking
apples in your pocket.
(panting)
We in big f*cking trouble, Johnny!
They chopped my
f*ckin' ear off, Johnny!
Those m*therf*ckers!
They cut Mikey's f*ckin' ear.
- They chopped my g*dd*mn ear off.
- Mike, relax, all right.
Not in front of the kid.
What the f*ck are you doing?
Is music ever gonna
sound the same, Johnny?
Will you relax?
p*ssy, bring him in the back.
- p*ssy, get him in the back!
- All right, all right.
Mikey, sit down, sit down.
- Ow, it hurts.
- Michael, please.
- You got germs in your f*ckin' ear.
- Don't touch it.
No, seriously, it f*ckin' hurts.
Stop! Stop, stop, stop.
- What is the situation?
- Alabaster.
Him and his crew, they stopped
me outside the Mulberry Bakery,
and I guess they heard
how much we was bringin' in.
Hey, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Alabaster's crew is in Little Italy?
That's what I said, Johnny.
They're crossing territorial lines.
They can't do that.
Look at what he did to my f*ckin' ear!
They're f*ckin' crazy!
Yeah, I saw the f*ckin' ear.
- Will you relax?
- (screams)
- Mikey, shut the f*ck up.
- (wails)
- Sit down. Sit down.
- Ow! My ear!
All right, all right, all right!
Listen, we need
a face-to-face, tonight.
Their crew, our crew.
Somewhere neutral.
Uh, Pier One, the nice one.
Hey, Chops, let 'em know.
Sal, Tommy, come on, let's go.
Let's get the f*ck out of here.
Johnny, can I come...
- Can I come with you guys?
- No, no way!
- What did we just talk about?
- I can help out.
Did you listen to anything I just said?
No, it's too dangerous.
I do listen to you, Johnny.
Johnny, it's not dangerous.
- Johnny, I'm tough, come on.
- That's it, that's it, kid.
I didn't want to do it,
now I'm gonna do it.
- What are you? ...No!
- I gotta put you in your place.
Not the scruff. Ow, ow!
Get off of me, Johnny!
Now get in your g*dd*mn bed, let's go.
Johnny, I'm not a little baby anymore.
- You can't scruff me.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
Johnny, let me out of the room.
Johnny, come on.
I'm sorry, Philly, I can't do that.
Let me out. Let me out!
- Let me out! Meow, meow, meow.
- No, no way.
I hate you, Johnny.
I know you don't mean that, Philly.
Go to bed.
Come on, guys.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- (door closes)
- God! Frickin' Johnny.
Wait a minute. This opens...
Oh, heh, okay.
(panting)
Where the f*ck are these guys?
Did you tell 'em the f*ckin' time?
I told them : at
the good Pier One!
We're at the good Pier One!
- (creepy laughter)
- Oh!
- What the f*ck was that?
- Shh. Shut up, shut up.
(maniacal laughter)
Cats and cats, please, welcome
to the neutral territory,
Alabaster!
(sinister chuckle)
Ah.
(humming)
- What the f*ck is wrong with this guy?
- Very strange guy.
Ha ha ha, yeah.
He's like Fred Astaire with those moves.
It's hard to look away.
Mike, shut up.
He's a good dancer, what do
you want me to say? Geez.
Johnny's crew. (sinister chuckle)
What an ugly clowder you are.
(chuckles)
You guys are ugly!
You guys look like sh*t.
- Thank you, Chuckles. That'll do.
- You're welcome.
Listen, Alabaster. What the f*ck
are you doing in Little Italy?
You stay in your f*cking
hood, we'll stay in ours.
You don't see us
pawing around Kip's Bay.
Hmm, times are
a-changing, Johnny Boy.
- Alabaster's crew is goin' big time.
- (cackles)
You think you're the first
guy who came in here
and said something like,
"Things are changing."
Hey, Mike, he thinks it's really
the first time I ever heard that.
This guy's crazy if he... Yeah, he
should probably stick to dancing
'cause he's really good at that.
- Okay, Mike, shut up.
- Like, you're actually very talented.
And it's really good...
It's an honor to watch.
We took Stuyvesant Town just last week.
- Didn't we?
- (chuckles) Yeah.
You're talking sh*t.
Am I, Jonathan?
How else did I get Stuyvesant
Tony's tooth then?
Hmm? Did I buy it
at the gift shop?
- Hey... Oh!
- I ask you that.
You better back the f*ck up, Alabaster.
- Or else.
- Or else, what, boy?
(glass rattles)
- Oh!
- The f*ck was that?
Big p*ssy: What the f*ck was that?
(breathing heavily)
What was that?
What was that, seriously?
Chuckles, please go check on that.
Thank you. See, I just
want to make sure
it's not a thr*at of
any kind, you know.
(inhales deeply)
(panting)
Hmm. (sniffing)
How long did it take
you guys to get here?
- Mike, shut the f*ck up.
- Sorry, Johnny.
(clears throat)
Oh, it's just a bottle, man.
Everybody, it was a bottle!
Must have been the wind.
Listen, Alabaster, you stay
the f*ck outta Mulberry Street.
Now, Jonathan, I'm offering
you an olive branch.
Let's work together.
Let us share the bakery
with you in Little Italy.
We will be the strongest
crew in New York.
(sighs) What do I say? What do I say?
I mean, you got a point.
(inhales deeply)
How 'bout this?
f*ck you.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I was hoping you'd say that.
Oh!
(dramatic aria playing)
- Alabaster.
- (chuckling)
No! (distorted) No!
♪ ♪
Johnny, no, no!
Johnny. You son of a bitch.
- Big p*ssy: m*therf*cker.
- (cackles)
(snarling)
Go, go, go!
(yowling)
(cackling)
f*ck you, and f*ck your mother.
- (metal clangs)
- (screeches)
And a-bubbada-bubbada-
bubbada-bubbada. Oh!
(groans)
Chuckles:
Oh!
Ha-ha!
Enjoy your trip!
(cackling)
Aw, no one saw that.
(panting)
Johnny! Johnny, no.
- Oh, my f*cking God.
- What the f*ck are you doin' here?
I told you to stay home,
do your homework.
I... I snuck out, Johnny.
I had to see if you were gonna be okay.
You f*cking got a tooth
in your heart, Johnny.
Ah, don't worry about that, kid.
Philly, come here.
All you need to know in life,
is... (coughs)
Nope! That's it. I'm dead. (moans)
No! No, Johnny!
Johnny, no!
Aw! Well, aren't you precious?
(grunts)
Remember my face.
- (sobs)
- Oh, man!
(laughing) Alabaster is terrifying!
I think we won in my opinion.
- (cackles) Yeah.
- Feel me. Yeah.
(mournful meowing)
Big p*ssy:
Oh, no, they got Johnny.
f*ck, you m*therf*ckers.
- Will you shut the f*ck up?
- No.
- What the f*ck do you know?
- No, I'm not gonna shut up!
- f*ckin' they got Johnny!
- What the f*ck are you gonna do now?
Are you gonna run the f*ckin' crew?
- I didn't say that.
- You f*ckin' assh*le.
- And f*ck you, Big Puss.
- This is bad, Mikey.
- This is real bad.
- Yeah.
- We're f*ckin' done, we're fried.
- All right.
- We're finished.
- All right, everybody shut up!
Just let me think for
a g*dd*mn second, okay?
Oh, Johnny, f*ckin' Johnny.
It was a neutral zone.
Pier One was a neutral zone.
(sobs loudly)
Okay, all right, come on. Come on!
(sobbing)
- Mikey.
- Don't f*cking look at me!
- f*ckin' turn around!
- Come on.
Turn around.
Okay.
(soft crying)
Oh, Johnny, no.
What am I gonna do now?
That was fun.
(inhales deeply)
Oh, Johnny, I miss you.
Huh?
For Philly.
Oh, Johnny. Huh?
- Whoa.
- (blade clicks)
(gasps) Whoa.
Whoa.
Big p*ssy: We need to retaliate!
Tonight! Not f*cking tomorrow!
Not next year! Right f*cking now.
Big Puss, if we retaliate,
everything goes out the window.
Everything Johnny worked for.
Blood for blood just means more blood.
New York's not some concrete jungle
where dreams are made of, okay?
Aw, come on! You kitten me?
New York is a jungle,
and we're animals.
Hey, I'm not kitten you, all right?
I'm talkin' serious business,
and you're not takin' it seriously!
Philly:
Let me do the hit.
(laughter)
Look at this f*ckin' kid here,
you're a f*cking comedian.
Who we got here? Whoopi Bol-gerg?
Whoopi Gol-gerg? Whoopi Bol-gerg?
Whoopi Bol...
Who we got here? Whoopi Ber-gold?
- What's her name?
- Whoopi Goldberg.
- Whoopi what?
- Goldberg.
Goldberg. Who we got here?
Whoopi Goldberg?
They won't expects it comin' from me.
I'll go in there and I'll
pick 'em off one by one,
I swear to frickin' God.
For Johnny.
Listen, Philly, why don't
you go back to bed, okay?
Why don't you go back
to bed, you big sklagoon?
Oh! The mouth!
Who are you to talk to me
like that, you frickin' gabagoo?
Oh! Where'd you
learn these vile words?
I saw it in a MAD Magazine.
- Philly.
- What, Mike?
Don't do this to me, Mikey.
He was my brother.
He's the last thing I f*ckin'
had in this whole world.
I get it. We all loved Johnny.
He was a brother to all of us.
Yeah, but he was my brother, Mikey!
That's the difference!
(crying)
You're not one of us, okay?
You don't belong
in the streets, Philly.
I've been hearing that frickin'
speech my whole life, Mikey!
And you know what, it changed tonight!
Get off of me! Get...
Get the Frick off of me!
Come back! Somebody grab him.
- Phil!
- Philly, get back here!
Come back. I was just
f*ckin' around, huh? Come on!
I was just f*ckin' around
with the kid, I feel bad now.
Whoopi. I like Whoopi.
Alabaster!
Alabaster, come out here.
- (cackling) Wee.
- Who's there?
- Who is that?
- (cackling)
Chuckles.
Oh, hey, little man.
- Look at you.
- Get off me.
Get your paws off me, mister.
You got some spunk, man.
I'm just gonna keep walking, all right?
- No, no, no, no, hold on, man.
- I don't want any trouble?
Let me at least tell you a little joke.
- What?
- Trust me, it's a good joke.
(snickers) I got a ton of 'em,
but this one's special.
What do you call...
Back up from me, mister,
I don't want any trouble.
Hold on, what do you call a cat...
(chuckles)
What do you call a cat...
covered in red?
(grunts)
(gasping)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, f*ck.
You stepped on my punchline.
- Oh, oh, I didn't...
- You didn't let me finish... the joke.
'Cause I thought you were gonna
f*cking k*ll me or something.
Eddie Meow-phy.
What are you... what?
What do you call a cat covered in red?
Eddie Meow-phy, like
his outfit in Delirious.
Oh, see, I don't even get that.
That's like, that's too old.
- Oh, f*ck me.
- I've never seen it.
I don't really...
It's irony, because I'm
covered in blood now.
I'm more red than
f*cking Eddie Meow-phy.
- That is funny.
- Do me a favor.
I don't have much time,
I'm getting the light.
- I'm literally getting the light.
- Okay, right.
I need you to tell
something to Alabaster.
- Okay.
- (sighs)
If you see him, you say,
"It's been real."
Okay, sure.
- No, wait, don't say "It's been real."
- Okay.
- He'll go like...
- That's too silly, yeah.
It's too stupid.
- Just say, um, uh... "That was fun."
- All right.
f*ck, man.
Do you want me to snap
your neck or something?
- Yeah, let's just finish this.
- All right.
Wow. That felt good.
(panting)
- There he is!
- Oh.
- Oh, I'm gettin' f*ckin' old here.
- Philly!
Jesus Christ, Philly,
you had us worried sick.
This is enemy territory. You crazy?
You could get hurt.
Oh my God.
Someone k*lled Chuckles.
I k*lled Chuckles.
- What'd you say?
- He whacked Chuckles.
We need to expand
outside of Little Italy.
- What?
- You heard me.
If Alabaster's crew
is expanding their territories,
then we need to do it too, all right?
NoLitas run sloppy, we'll start there.
We'll skimp from their garbage cans,
half a block per week, and then
double it after six months.
Am I understood?
Am I understood?
Yeah. Yeah, that
makes sense, Philly.
It's time for Johnny's crew to grow up.
Let's get the f*ck outta here.
All right, you heard the kid.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go home.
♪ ♪
(owls hooting)
(hoots)
Oh!
- Oh my God, there's Maria.
- There she is.
- What is it, ten minutes?
- I know, it's insane.
Hoo, guys!
- Sorry, Monty.
- Oh, Maria!
- Maria, hi.
- Hey, Danielle.
So sorry I'm late again.
It's just, sorta, become a thing for me.
It has become a thing.
Yeah, just show up on time,
and then, that's gonna...
No, absolutely, and... and...
It's Christmas time!
- Let's go inside, okay?
- Ah! I'm so excited.
I want you to see my new
place, it's gorgeous.
I'm dying!
Okay, what do you guys think?
- Ooh!
- It's beautiful.
Basically you guys know,
like, I've been very
mid-century modern for,
like, the past few years.
I'm asleep at the wheel
just talking about it, honestly.
Thank you. I mean, it's so shoved
down our throats with Mad Men,
- and, obviously, more famously Pan Am.
- Oh, yes.
- You know, so...
- Yeah, of course.
Okay, let's open presents, guys.
- Okay, I'll go first, I'll go first.
- Oh my God.
Um, Monty...
- What?!
- I am your Secret Santa.
Again?
I know, I know, it's so funny.
I feel like you always manage it.
- It's pure chance!
- There's gonna be repeats.
It's just probability, but, um, anyway.
Well, I'll just say "Merry
Christmas, old friend,"
- and here you go.
- Oh.
Oh, my God!
- It's a Nano!
- Wow, yeah.
- Wow, is that a... an iPod Nano?
- It's an iPod Nano, yeah.
- It's an iPod Nano, yeah.
- Yeah.
That's a really, um... Is it used?
Actually, it's not.
No, this is new, it's
still in the plastic.
As you know, I had
a promotion this year,
another one, which has been huge,
and so, I thought, why not splurge.
I could think of a reason. It's
called a limit. A five dollar limit.
(gasps) Oh my God,
it comes with a strap!
I bought the strap separately.
I also got it etched
if you turn it over.
- No!
- Yes, yes.
Oh! You know me so well.
- I love you, thank you. Mwa!
- Yeah.
- Fly on.
- Fly on. Um, all right.
- I will go next.
- Drum roll.
- Okay.
- Who's it gonna be? Let's see.
My Secret Santa was...
(gasps) Oh my gosh! Monty, I'm yours?
- Wait a minute. Hold up.
- Yeah?
- That wrapping is insane, Monty!
- Okay, shut up!
I did not want to call
attention to it, but thank you.
- It is really beautiful.
- Thank you!
It's made out of
old dress patterns, yeah.
I don't want her to open it!
- I don't want her to open it.
- I know.
I don't want to tear it.
It's too nice to tear.
We should really be careful to, kind of,
let... let the tape lift up naturally.
- You know what you should do?
- Steam it, steam it open.
Maria, go ahead and
make a double boiler.
Okay, I'm on it.
Maria, okay, so just take a bigger pot,
fill it with water, and then take a
smaller, like even literally, a pan.
Put that on top of the pot,
so it's gonna boil.
The steam's gonna
come up through the top pan.
- Literally, hold the present over.
- And it'll...
That's gonna release the tape.
No, sorry, listen, Maria, listen.
If you don't do that, the tape is
gonna rip off the vintage Vogue.
If you steam it open,
you can preserve the
austerity of the package.
Exactly.
Okay, okay, thank you
for steaming. Okay.
Okay, let's open it up.
Here we go.
- Oh!
- (gasps)
- You got me pants.
- Oh, oh!
- I know.
- I'm jealous!
There, I said it!
I'm sorry, I had to be honest.
- Do not be jealous.
- I'm jealous, I'm jealous.
Oh... (chuckles) Oh, that's
funny, there's, um...
The price tag's right on there.
- Oh, sh*t. God.
- Uh-oh, let me see, let me see.
Oh, no, no, you guys, no!
- I didn't mean...
- It's fine.
Oh my God.
I told them at the store,
I said, "Take that off!"
Well, that's how much good things cost.
- She should try them on, right?
- Oh my God!
- Try them on.
- Try them on.
- I don't know, guys.
- Try on the pants!
- Try on the pants.
- Try on the pants.
- Are you sure?
- Try on the pants!
- All right, hold on, hold on.
- Okay.
- (squeals)
- Oh my God!
- They look amazing!
- Do they?
I think this is you.
Terrified to present my gift, because...
- Don't be scared, come on!
- Oh, please!
- Are you kidding me?
- You know I... You could give me a can
with a hammer inside of it,
and I would be pleased.
Well, hammers aren't cheap, you know.
Uh, that would still be too much,
really, if we're going by the rules.
- Okay, well.
- Anyway, I won't preface it too much.
It's kind of only half-wrapped.
- Just tear on through.
- Okay, here I go.
Ripping through, what's it gonna be?
Oh.
Sorry, I actually just...
I feel like I don't know
what I'm looking at.
I also... Nothing's coming
up for me, I'm looking at it.
It's actually... yeah, yeah, I see it.
It's a special, personalized pellet.
Danielle spelled out in...
- Is that macaroni or is that bone?
- A little bit of both, yeah.
Bone for the... the strong strokes.
Um, well, thank you.
I... suppose.
Hey, smile.
I'm smiling.
Sorry, I'm sorry, Maria, thank you.
I can see that you put a lot of effort
into this, and it's a story piece.
I don't even love it anymore, okay?
- I realize it's garbage.
- Well, I love it, Maria.
- It's garbage.
- I love it, Maria.
- It's your gift, do whatever you want.
- It's Christmas!
- Throw it back in my face.
- Okay, Maria!
- It's Christmas!
- It's Christmas!
♪ Silent night ♪
Match this note.
(taps E note)
♪ Holy night ♪
(hip-hop b*at)
♪ You know we got
Mary and Joseph ♪
♪ Joseph ♪
♪ You know we got Mary and Joseph ♪
- Hoo!
- No, I'm not gonna join in.
- ♪ Joseph ♪
♪ You know we got Mary and Joseph ♪
- Not that you'd want me to.
- ♪ Joseph now ♪
- ♪ Little baby... ♪
- Come on, Maria!
- ♪ Jesus baby ♪
- ♪ Little baby... ♪
- Maria!
- ♪ Little baby now ♪
- ♪ Who's that baby Jesus up here? ♪
- Ow, ow!
♪ Walking up towards me,
it's Jesus right here ♪
(rock music playing)
- (coughs)
- ♪ Years ♪
♪ Days ♪
♪ Makes no difference to me, babe ♪
♪ You look exactly the same to me ♪
♪ Ain't no time ♪
♪ Crossing your legs inside the diner ♪
♪ Raising the coffee to your lips ♪
♪ The steam ♪
(electrical whirring)
♪ You saw the masterpiece ♪
♪ She looks a lot like you ♪
♪ Wrapping her left arm
around your right ♪
♪ Ready to walk you through ♪
♪ The night ♪
(Italian style music playing)
Mike: Present day.
It's Philly's present day.
Birthday, Philly's birthday.
Jesus! Whatever word
you wanna use, aye maron.
All right, I'm gettin' him,
I'm gettin' him.
- Hey, Philly.
- (door closes)
It's time.
The guys, they're, uh...
They're waiting.
(sighs) I don't know, Mikey.
I don't know if I can do it again.
I'm not in the mood, you know.
Also, how was my chair spin that time?
Honestly, it's satisfying every time.
Can I tell you somethin'? I love
spinning around in a chair.
- Mmm.
- (chair squeaks)
- It... it works for you.
- It feels good.
I'd just like to say it works for you.
All right, I'm... I'm up,
I'm up, all right?
There he goes, come on, for the crew.
- For the crew! All right!
- All right, here we go.
(belches) Oy, gefil...
Hey, you got Tums?
I got f*ckin' heartburn.
- Uh, yeah, yeah. Hmm.
- Too much salted meat.
- Okay, right this way.
- All right, I'm comin', I'm coming.
- All right, are your eyes closed?
- Yes, geez!
All: One, two, three!
Happy Present Day!
Birthday, sorry, birthday!
Happy birthday!
- You bunch of schmucks!
- Happy birthday, boss.
- Get off, when'd you get in town?
- This morning!
Oh my God, you look beautiful.
You do, you really do.
Yeah, all right, you bunch
of f*ckin' knuckleheads.
All right, glasses up.
Everybody put up your f*ckin'
glass for the boss, okay?
Thank you, Michael.
You know, we've had, uh...
- We've had a wild ride, right?
- Yeah, Amen.
We've had our ups, we've had our downs.
In fact, you know what,
let's just watch the montage.
You know, why preface it
any more? Here we go!
Oh! Sorry, before we start,
I would also just like to say,
this montage would
not have been possible
without the hard work,
dedication of Big Puss.
- Hey!
- No, you deserve it, okay?
This guy learned iMovie
specifically to do it, all right?
- Thank you, Big Puss.
- It doesn't go unnoticed.
- Salud.
- Roll the montage.
- Here we go!
- Here we go.
♪ ♪
I love you, honey. Mwah!
I got a surprise.
- Oh! She got a brand-new car!
- Oh ho ho ho!
These are the good times. Happy times!
Fun and games, huh?
Honey, you go wait in the car.
You've been on your paws all night.
I got to go inside.
I left my Chap Stick in there.
(expl*si*n)
No!
I'm sorry for your loss, Phil.
What do I do now?
These are the sad times.
Get out of my way.
I'm trying to do a wheelie here.
Another year!
Great f*ckin' montage.
♪ ♪
(chuckles, clears throat)
(Irish accent) Well, thank
you for your time, Phil,
and we just want to thank you again
for your contributions to the church.
You've grown up into such a
fine, young feline. (chuckles)
Your brother, Johnny, would have
been proud, may he rest in peace.
In the name of the Father,
the Son, the Holy Spirit.
Father Anthony, thank you so much.
I mean, coming from you that
means a lot. It's very kind.
- You're not Italian, but you're family.
- That's such a...
I know you're... Irish
or is it Scottish?
When you walk in here,
you're Italian, okay?
(all laughing)
Hey-a, that's a nice-a
thing to say-a! That's-a...
All right, we don't
- have to do anything like that.
- It just doesn't read, you know?
I should be going now.
I'm visiting my sister's
congregation in Brooklyn.
I believe I'll take a stop at the
new cronut place in Two Bridges...
on my way there, ha ha.
Got a sweet tooth.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What'd
you just say, Father Anthony?
Well, rumor has it,
there's a new bakery
that dumps at least
three cans of cronuts a night!
And cats are flipping their
lids over it. It's the truth.
Where the f*ck do you get
off, Father Anthony?
Philly, hey, relax!
Get your f*cking paws off of me.
Everybody relax, peace on Earth.
You come into Little Italy and you're
talkin' about another
territory's trash?
- What's so wrong with our trash?
- Your trash is fantastic.
I didn't mean to offend you.
Johnny's club's zeppoles ain't
good enough for you anymore.
Everybody wants to move on
to the next thing!
It's cronuts now,
and it's Swedish Fish tomorrow!
- I'm telling you!
- Whoa, Philly.
After all we've done for you,
we painted that f*cking church.
- Philly, relax!
- I didn't mean no harm.
- I don't know how to paint.
- I didn't mean no harm whatsoever.
Philly, it's Father Anthony.
Father Anthony, you are officially
cut off from Johnny's crew.
- You get no more scratch from us.
- Aw! Aw, no.
Put your tail between your legs and
get the f*ck out of my office.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you don't go
to Hell. Goodbye.
Was that really necessary?
I mean, Jesus, it's not right.
That's Father Anthony.
- (snickering)
- What's going on over there?
Nothing. I'm just
thinking about something.
- Hmm.
- You wanna know what?
Yeah, I do, yes, I do.
Yes, what are you...
If we're the first to pounce
on that cronut situation
in Two Bridges,
that means big money, Mikey.
Big money! They're charging quadruple
of what we charge for our zeppoles.
It's out of the question,
Philly, come on!
Mikey, we're four
neighborhoods strong now!
Tribeca, Soho, NoLita, Little Italy!
If we take Two Bridges,
that means the Brooklyn connect.
All of the boroughs
are ours after that.
All right, you gonna
make me say his name?
Two Bridges is Alabaster's
territory, all right?
And going against him?
I don't know what
that would accomplish
other than an all-out w*r.
Hmm.
Okey-doke, Michael.
Thank you for that.
Okay, that's good. And see,
that's talking it out.
That comes from talking it out.
I think I'm all good for today,
so you're excused.
Thank you.
Hmm, that's a little...
That's more quiet than usual.
It's just, like, I
feel like we usually,
you know, laugh when I
leave or something.
Say jokes, something like that.
Right? Philly?
Mikey, I said you
was excused, all right?
I wasn't asking, I was telling.
It was an order.
Thank you so much.
All right.
Yes, boss.
♪ ♪
That feels really...
Oh, right there, right there.
Right there? That feel good?
- Very nice.
- Oh, you're so tense.
Now, go easy right
there, that's kinda...
There's a kinda knot.
- Let me untie that for you.
- Well, why don't...
Why don't you avoid it?
- Why don't you go around the knot?
- Okay.
That's not how it works.
You don't tell a
hairdresser how to cut
your hair, right?
Well, I do. I do tell the
hairdresser how to cut my hair.
If I had any.
Hey, that's true, that's true.
- That's bad.
- I have a sense of humor about myself.
I don't take myself
too seriously at all.
That's the way to live,
that's the way to live.
When you gonna get up
and run away with me?
Stop it, you!
You know I can't.
I'm finishing school, I can't.
I know, I know. Finish
up the massage, please?
Oh, yes, sir.
Father Anthony (clears
throat): Pardon me?
Should I stay or should I go?
Ah, you're still here.
You know, you don't have
to do the voice with us.
(clears throat, coughs)
God, thank God. Thank you.
You really get lost
in the role, Gigglepuss.
- It's transformative.
- Oh, I been doing this...
This is in my bag of tricks. Uh,
you know, my trunk of characters.
Oh, Father Anthony was
one of your characters?
He was my in one-man show.
Yeah, I been doing him
for a while, but, um...
Well, any shows you got comin' up, I'd
love to hear about it.
You just tell me.
Well, my one-man show
closes on Friday, and I...
- I cannot make it this Friday.
- No problem.
- Weekdays are hard for me.
- No big whoop.
- Weekends, too.
- No big whoop.
Is Johnny's crew or Phil's crew
or whatever they're called now,
are they gonna fall
for the Two Bridges trap?
Yeah, I believe so,
I think... (chuckles)
hook, line and sinker, as they say.
Phil seemed pretty enticed
at the notion, you know.
(both snickering)
Um... (clears throat) Yeah, I
wanted to ask you something,
uh, Alabaster, uh... (clears throat)
I want to do the hit on Phil.
'Cause, uh, because
he k*lled my brother, Chuckles.
You know, he k*lled
my brother, Chuckles,
and I wanna do the hit on him.
Dear, Gigglepuss.
Chuckles was a brother to all of us.
Yeah, I know, may he rest in peace.
You'll get your blood in due time.
In doodoo time.
(snickering)
(both chuckling)
(evil laughter)
♪ Can I get your number? ♪
♪ Can I get you into bed? ♪
♪ When we wake up in the morning ♪
♪ Will you give me lots of head? ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Will you lend me your toothbrush ♪
♪ Will you make me breakfast in bed ♪
♪ Ask me to get married ♪
♪ And then make me breakfast again ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
02x07 - Cats - Part 1
"Animals" revolves around the downtrodden creatures native to New York City, with each episode consisting of a different cast and story line.