21x02 - Put It Down

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

All right, everyone.
Listen up.

Today
we're going to have a performance

by one of our students
who has written a song.

The song is about his feelings

towards the current political
climate with North Korea.

Put your hands together for Tweek.

We're all gonna die!

They have nuclear missiles!
Aah! Aah!

Why are you just sitting
there doing nothing?!

We have to get out of here!

North Korea wants to k*ll us all

and our President
keeps making it worse!

Why are you all just sitting there?!

Why are all acting
like nothing's wrong?!

North Korea is going to
b*mb us! We are all dead!

We have to do something!
Do something! Do something!

All right, next up we
have Hannah Williams

with her rendition of
"Wheels on the Bus."

♪ The wheels on
the bus go round and round ♪

Dude, Craig, you've got to get
Tweek to get ahold of himself.

He's freaking everybody
out at school.

- What am I supposed to do?
- He's your boyfriend, dude.

He's not gonna listen to me.

He never does when he's emotional.

Craig, let me tell you
about relationships, okay?

If you don't have some balls,
you're not going to get anywhere.

Doesn't matter if they're
gay balls or straight balls,

if you don't take control of
your side of a relationship,

- you'll get walked all over...
- Hey, babe. How you doing?

Oh, hey, baby. What's going on?

- We still on for recess?
- Yup, I'll be there.

'Kay, babe. Love you.

I thought you said you
broke up with Heidi.

I decided to give her one more chance.

But you said she was mentally abusive.

She is mentally abusive.

So then why did you take her back?

Because she said she was gonna k*ll
herself. All right, guys? There.

I broke up with her, and she
called me, being all like,

"I can't live without you.

I'm scared what I'm gonna
do to myself. Oh, God."

The bitch is crazy.
What am I supposed to do?

Aah!

Tweek.

Dude, come on.
You got to settle down.

I can't settle down!
We're all gonna die!

We're not all gonna die.
You're overreacting.

Everything's fine,
okay?

Oh, God!
The President just tweeted

that North Korea doesn't
have the guts to att*ck us!

Why would he say that?!
He's making everything worse!

- Tweek...
- But North Koreans are gonna think

we all agree with the President!

Okay, so how about you write
your congressman a letter.

That won't help anything!
North Korea wants us dead!

Okay, so write a letter
to the North Koreans.

I can't write in Korean and they
all think we're w*r-hungry anyway!

Okay, well, then why don't
you just send something nice

to the North Koreans.

It'll make you feel better, babe.

- Send something like what?!
- I dunno, like,

make them some croissants
or something.

I don't know how to make croissants!

Well, what do you know how to make?

Mm... cupcakes!

All right, go home and
make some cupcakes, honey.

Okay!

- Hey, Stan?
- Yeah?

Can I talk to you about Eric?

Cartman? Okay...

I just wanna make sure he's all right.

What do you mean?

I don't even know if I
should be saying this but...

Eric said he was thinking
about k*lling himself.

What?

We broke up, and he called
saying he was about to do it.

I'm still really scared for him.

Wait, Cartman said he
was gonna k*ll himself?

I'll send you the voice-mail if
you promise to keep it private.

Totally.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

You have to
take me back! You have to!

I'm gonna k*ll myself, Heidi!

I'll k*ll myself, and
then you'll be sorry!

You'll wish you could have
me back, but I'll be dead!

Please, Heidi! Please!

Okay, okay.

Really cool listening to
people's private voicemails.

You sound like a dying pig.

That's great! I'm glad you
guys think su1c1de is so funny!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Entrée.

Yes, Eric.
How can I help you?

I don't think kids at this school

take su1c1de seriously enough
and we need to raise awareness.

Well, unfortunately this week

is Distracted Driving
Awareness Week at school,

so you might have a hard time.

Distracted driving?
Who gives a sh*t about that?

A lot of people.

There's more deaths
now because of people

on their phones
while driving than ever before.

PC Principal, someone's
life is at stake.

If I have to compete
with distracted driving,

then that's what I'll do.

♪♪

Huh? Oh!

A young h*m*
boy known only as Tweek

has touched the hearts of many

by sending cupcakes to the
North Korean government.

The little rascal apparently made a dent

with the North Korean dictator,

who is said to have
loved the cupcakes so much

that he is started to make his own...

Oh! Ahh.

Huh?!

"U.S. President responds
to cupcakes..."

The human interest
cupcake story

has apparently be
heard by the President.

Just moments ago,
the President tweeted,

"I know that kid Tweek.

He's with you,
North Korea. Get a clue.

I'll bet he took a dump in the batter."

What?!
Why would he say that?!

Tweek, calm down.

The President!
He tweeted about me!

Why would he do that?!
Did you see that?!

Yes, I did see that.

So I went and got you
something to make things better.

- What?!
- It's a fidget spinner.

It's supposed to help with anxiety. See?

A fidget spinner?! Did you read
what the President tweeted?!

The
President of the United States

just tweeted again,
this time saying...

"I hope all children of America
will stand with Tweek in saying,

'Go ahead and b*mb us, Kim Jong
Dong, we dare you!'"

Hey, guys. Take a minute to
read about distracted driving?

Talk to all the grownups you know
about staying off their mobile devices

when they get behind the wheel.

Hey, guys... Got a second to
help stop distracted driving?

Thanks. -
Hey, guys -

♪♪ Music playing over intercom...

Hey, guys,
let's a take a minute

and talk about su1c1de prevention.

There's probably someone
right now at this school

thinking about k*lling
himself, and it's not funny.

You better take it serious
or he might actually do it.

♪ I've been feelin' sad,
I've been bein' sad ♪

♪ Can't talk to my mom,
don't even have a dad ♪

♪ I can't go on,
what is living for? ♪

♪ My heart screams "I
don't wanna live no more" ♪

♪ Eric, we don't want you to die ♪

♪ Eric, give life a try ♪

♪ Eric, we don't want you to die ♪

♪ Eric, oh, God, no, Eric ♪

I don't wanna live no more!

♪ But Eric, we don't want you die ♪

♪ You're so cool,
we'd be sad at school ♪

♪ Yeah, but you guys,
you don't understand ♪

♪ With my girlfriend, it's
like I'm living in quicksand ♪

♪ Conflicting thoughts, I need
a battered wives' shelter ♪

♪ My girlfriend is messed up,
but all I wanna do is help her ♪

♪ I'm suffocating,
I'm drowning in sorrow ♪

♪ Gonna k*ll myself prob'ly
around 2:30 tomorrow ♪

♪ But, Eric, we don't
want you to die ♪

- ♪ Eric, give life a try ♪
- Everybody!

♪ Eric, we don't want you to die ♪

- ♪ Eric, oh, God, no, Eric ♪
- But it's so hard!

♪ Eric,
we don't want you to die ♪

Only you guys can make a difference.

I don't care if you're black,
white, gay, straight or trans,

I am going to k*ll myself

unless you all start
taking it seriously.

♪ Eric, please don't die... ♪

Distracted driving my assh*le.

♪♪

Hey, Tweek.

How's it going with the fidget spinner?

- Great!
- You seem a lot less anxious.

Things are finally turning around
for my little h*m* son.

- What is that?!
- I'm not sure.

Aah! Aah!

Yet no agreement has been
reached between the parties involved.

Breaking news now out of Colorado,

where the North Koreans
appear to have fired a m*ssile

over Tweek's house.

Tweek, of course, the young boy

who got the attention
of Kim Jong Un last week.

The news media in North Korea

is calling the m*ssile test
a victory for its people.

Speaking in Korean

Today the great
country of North Korea...

has proven its determination
and fortitude...

by successfully f*ring a
m*ssile over Tweek's house.

- Perhaps now Tweek...
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Why's this happening to me?!

They have to know
this isn't my fault!

In response to the North Korean test,

the President of the United States

has just tweeted this statement...

"You really think Tweek is scared?

Tweek will single
handedly go to North Korea

and all you slanty
eyed b*tches doggy style.

What?!
Why would he say that?!

The President also tweeted...

"If you even think
Tweek is worried about

a bunch of dipshit poor ass
third world rice pickers,

think again."

Oh, my God! What is he doing?!

- Tweek, Tweek. Calm down!
- Why won't he just stop?! Why?

Tweek! Tweek, h-here's
your fidget spinner!

Why does he keep
making it worse?!

Your fidget spinner,
Tweek! Come on, son!

Aah!

Focus on the fidget spinner.

Oh, geez, looks like North
Korea launched another m*ssile.

Oh, really, like another
test? Where are you looking?

I'm on Drudge. You see what
the President tweeted about it?

- No, what'd he say?
- The President tweeted

"North Korea is the
butthole of Asia and...

Innocent child!

Aah!

Aah!

I know. I know, it's so sad.

Well, how nice. That's
a little more like it.

Well, guys, what
happened? Change of heart?

Yeah, you didn't hear?

Gary Borkovec got ran over
by a distracted driver.

What?! Gary Borkovec? Is he dead?

Yeah, dude, he's dead.

Oh, that son of a bitch.

I'm gonna talk to the principal!

Put down the candle, Kenny!

Like you ever gave a
sh*t about Gary Borkovec!

Entrée vous.

PC Principal, I'm trying
to raise su1c1de awareness,

but everyone's preoccupied

with this "don't be on your
phone when driving" crap.

Gary Borkovec was a good student.

He didn't deserve to be taken away

by someone not paying
attention to the road.

Yes, but Gary Borkovec is
already dead.

There's nothing we can do for him.

Students need to focus on
people thinking about dying.

I don't know what more
you want from me, bro.

I can't just get people to
care with a stupid rap song.

I need a full orchestra...
Woodwinds, strings...

I need black people in white robes,

white people in black robes,

and a thousand doves
to release into the air.

I can give you two student
volunteers and one pigeon.

Do you have any idea
how serious this is?

As someone who deals
with suicidal thoughts,

I cannot believe the lack
of concern at this school!

Maybe I should just take
the awareness of my su1c1de

out to the public on the streets!

Maybe you should.

Maybe I will!

- Maybe you should.
- Maybe I will!

Ugh.

Hey, Tweek.

Look at what the President tweeted now!

What time is it, dude?

Just read it!

"North Korea doesn't have
the balls to att*ck Tweek.

They have little tiny rice balls."

They're gonna get me,
Craig! Look at what's on CNN!

And the President's tweets
have certainly caught

the attention of North Korea,

who have been spending
the past several days

viewing possible targets
for a nuclear strike

if w*r were to break out...

What am I gonna do?!

You gotta calm down.

How am I supposed to calm down?!

- North Korea is gonna get me!
- Tweek.

They're gonna get me!
Tweek. Tweek.

Let's think this through logically.

North Korea isn't going
to att*ck anyone, okay?

They're not going to start
a w*r they can't win. Okay?

- But, Craig, I...
- Tweek.

You have to stop thinking about it.

Tell you what, we're
gonna go somewhere fun

and make you feel better.

Give a minute of your
time for su1c1de awareness?

su1c1de is serious.

Help tell people like
Kyle it's not a joke.

Hey, good for you guys,
trying to help.

Yeah, make sure everyone you know
gets involved or else I'm gonna do it.

We're getting a lot of attention, Eric.

Our website's already full of kids

saying they feel the same way
as you and want to get help.

They want to get help? For what?

For wanting
to take their own lives.

No, this is about me k*lling
myself.

But, babe, there's a lot of kids
who feel the same way you do.

They're full of sh*t, Heidi.

They're just trying to get attention.

What, are you actually talking
online to these asswipes?!

I thought this was about raising
awareness and helping people.

So you're just gonna
e-mail with every

guy who has a d*ck
and a deathwish?

Are we just your type?

- Eric, come on.
- No, look, Heidi.

I'm sorry, but you're the
one who started all this

by telling everybody
that I was suicidal.

Okay?

Now I'm under a lot
of pressure to do it.

So the only option
I have is to make sure

that su1c1de prevention
becomes this entire town's

number-one priority!

Oh, God, did you see

what the President
said about Asians now?

Look out!

Oh, are you freakin' serious?

Okay, babe, what do
you wanna ride first?

Ugh!
What are we doing here, Craig?

We're gonna get your mind off
politics and have some fun.

Now, what's your favorite ride?

The Ferris wheel!

Isn't this lovely, Tweek?
Just look at that view.

Oh, God!

Another tweet from the President!

Oh, come on.

"Why would the U.S. be
scared of North Korea?

Tweek is so not scared
he's at an amusement park

in Denver right now."

Jesus Christ!

We gotta get outta here!

Tweek! Tweek,
use your brain.

North Korea isn't going to
att*ck an amusement park.

You're safer here than anywhere.

Oh, geez.

The President just called
Kim Jong-un a fat midget.

Oh, and now North Korea is
saying that they're gonna...

Dad, look out!

Oh, sh*t!

All right, everyone,

please wait for your bumper cars

to come to a complete stop.

We hope you enjoyed Crazy Cars...

Mommy, look out!

Oh, my God, what is that?!

What is that?!

It's probably nothing.
Everything's fine.

Will you please stop saying
that?! I can't take it!

I'm trying to make you feel better.

Well, maybe I don't wanna
feel better right now!

Okay, but think about that.

That actually
doesn't make any sense.

Why do you have to be so logical?!

I don't need you to
problem-solve all the time,

I need you to...
Agh! I don't know!

Tweek, honey, all week,
you've been freaking out,

and I've been the one
forced to deal with it.

You haven't been dealing with it,

you've been trying
to make it go away

because my emotions
are freaking you out!

Tweek,
North Korea isn't bombing anyone.

They would lose
the support of China,

- and that would be...
- There you go again!

Stop preaching facts to me!

It's not what I need!

Well, I'm sorry that
I'm actually in control

of my g*dd*mn emotions, ya baby!

Oh, see, now you made me
lose control of my emotions.

God damn it.

Hey Craig, how come
Tweek's not at school?

How should I know?

Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?

Look guys, Tweek
doesn't want help, okay?

He just wants to overreact.

Hey, guys, could
we have your attention?

Tomorrow night, we'll be
having a memorial service

for all the students we've
lost to distracted driving.

We hope you can all bring your families.

Cool, yeah. Hey, guys, and there's also
gonna be a su1c1de awareness pot luck

at 7:30 tomorrow night
in the school gymnasium.

We're gonna have lots of
games and face painting,

and what are you guys gonna have?

We're gonna have some guest speakers

and also provide grievance
counselors for those who need it.

Yeah, grievance counseling...
That sounds super fun.

Listen, guys, there's a very real chance
I might actually do it right in front

of everyone tomorrow, so
you don't want to miss it.

su1c1de prevention pot luck,
everybody.

Eric, you need to stop.

What they're doing is important.

They're doing a memorial
service with speeches and crying.

What's that gonna solve?

It's not about problem solving, Eric.

It's about people getting together

and feeling what they need to feel!

People need help sorting
out their emotions sometimes.

And the best thing isn't
always quick answers,

But just being there,
supporting each other

And talking through those feelings.

You are so up and down.

I don't know what you
want from me, Heidi!

Come on.
There has to be a way

We can all work together, here.

So, now you're on their side!

Oh, my God, I'm seriously
gonna do it right now!

Eric!

Tweek! What's going on?

What?
What do you mean what's going on?!

The same sh*t that's been going on!

Nothing's gotten any better?!

Oh, my God, how does that make you feel?

I feel scared! I feel alone!

That must be horrible to feel that way!

It must be hard for you to even think!

It is! It's terrible!

I bet it's terrible!
What else are you feeling?

Like I have no control over my life.

Like I'm just a pawn in a big game.

Oh, that's a terrifying thought.

You must feel trapped.

Yeah, like, trapped,

But, like, completely
unable to even move.

Jesus!

It's like there's no
solution to any of this!

What are you gonna do?
What can you do?

I don't know. It's... It's like maybe...

Maybe I have to find a way

to feel a little in charge of me again.

That sounds so insurmountable,
though.

How would you even start?

I don't know, but I-I gotta
do something about this.

There's gotta be a way I can...

Thank you, Craig.

I've got it.

People aren't focused
on the right thing.

I know what I should do.

All right, everyone, listen up.

Tonight, one of our students
has put together a song

about a very important issue.

It's a song about how
there are certain times

to not be on your phone.

I hope you all listen carefully.

♪♪ Somber piano music plays...

♪♪

♪ People are dying ♪

♪ The fault is our own ♪

♪ You can do lots of damage ♪

♪ When you're on your phone ♪

♪ We all have to agree ♪

♪ To change it somehow ♪

♪ Let's all make a pledge
to end it right now ♪

♪♪

♪ Put it down ♪

♪ Don't be on your phone ♪

♪ While being President ♪

♪ Put it down ♪

♪ You might do something dumb ♪

♪ And cause an accident ♪

♪ Let all agree here today ♪

♪ That if we're leader of the USA ♪

♪ We'll put it down ♪

If at any point today,
you're being a President,

put down your mobile device.

♪ Put it down ♪

If I'm on the phone,
I will not get behind

the desk of an oval office.

♪ Put it down ♪

I'll take the pledge!

I'll take the pledge!

And I'll take the pledge.

♪ No one cares ♪

What's that?
I was just elected President?

Well, then, goodbye!

♪ Put it down if
you're President today ♪

♪ If you find yourself
being President today ♪

Hey Brian, look!
I was just elected President.

That's great, Nancy.
Now, put down your phone.

Right!

♪ Ah, ah, ah,
ah-ah-ah, put it down ♪

♪ Give a standing
ovation for su1c1de in our nation ♪

♪ Or I will rip my own guts
out without one hesitation ♪

♪ Dedication, that's
what it's taken ♪

♪ To waken people to care ♪

♪ And still my future's so hazy ♪

♪ My girlfriend's making me crazy ♪

♪ But still I'm working so hard ♪

♪ You know, just trying to hold on ♪

♪ Cuz I know that you don't
miss me so much if I was gone ♪

♪ And all the voices start solo ♪

♪ But every day, I hear them grow ♪

♪ Saying, Eric, don't do it ♪

♪ Don't do it, nooooo ♪

♪ Put it down ♪

♪ Don't be on your phone
while being President ♪

♪ Put it down ♪

♪ You might do something
dumb and cause an accident ♪

♪ We all agree here today ♪

♪ That if we're leader of the USA ♪

♪ We'll put it down ♪

♪ Put it down ♪

♪♪

I'm not gonna do it, you guys!

It worked!
I'm not gonna do it!

♪♪