21x09 - SUPER HARD PCness

[bunniefuu]

♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪

♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪

♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪

♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪

♪♪

Welcome to Netflix.

Last year, we approved
16 original shows and movies,

and this year, it is our goal
to make that number 1,087.

That's why we here at Netflix
are thrilled to be working

with you two comedy geniuses,
Terrance and Phillip.

[ Farts ]

[ Laughs ]

Classic stuff.

Now go ahead
and pitch what you're thinking

for your Netflix
original series.

Well, we were thinking
that we'd do a show

where Phillip and I
are on a farm.

With a cow.

[ Chuckling ] Okay,
I love it so far.

The sun is just starting
to come up, and then...

I fart on Phillip.

And I say, "Terrance!
You farted!"

And I...

fart on Terrance.

And then it's like
a back and forth kind of thing?
It's sort of like a --

It's like a back and forth
kind of thing.

I fart on him.

He...

farts...

on...

On you. Got it.

No!

On the cow.

[ Laughs ]

Welcome to Netflix,
you sons a b*tches! Yeah!

Hooray.

[ School bell rings ]

[ Children shouting excitedly ]

Come on, Tweek!
Hurry!

What's going on?

Tweek:
Cartman and his girlfriend
are fighting again!

[ Cartman grunting ]

God damn it.

Sweetheart!
Piece of sh*t!

[ Cartman grunting ]

Honey! I wanna watch
"Terrance and Phillip"

tonight with my friends!

You promised we'd have
a date night!

Ugh!

It's just one night, babe!

Stan is having
a viewing party, honey!

[ Grunts ]

So then why can't I come?!

"Terrance and Phillip"
is guys' night thing baby!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What the hell
are you all doing?!

Watching Heidi
get her bitch-ass kicked!

f*ck you,
Wendy!

Don't take that crap,
Heidi!

Let Cartman have it!

Guys! Guys, this has gone on
way too long!

Can't we all stop being
so mean to each other?

Shut up, Kyle.
You sound like your mom.

[ Laughter ]

That was awesome, baby.
I love you.

I love you, too,
babe.

Aww...
Damn it.

Fights over.
Kyle ruined it!

All right, everyone.
Listen up.

As you know, there has been
a lot of bullying

and insensitivity
at our school.

To counteract this,
it is my firm belief

that South Park Elementary

is in desperate need
of a strong woman.

So in looking for
a new vice principal,

we wanted to find
a powerful, intelligent,

and independent female
to be a role model for us all.

And with that said,
I'd like to introduce

our new vice principal --
Strong Woman.

[ Claps ]

Thank you,
PC Principal.

All right, everyone.
Listen up.

I'm the new vice principal
of the school.

My name is Strong Woman.

I've already spent a few days
here at the school

watching and observing,

and we definitely have things
we can all be working on.

Hey!
Stotch!

You do not disrespect
Strong Woman

by talking
when she's talking.

You really think I couldn't have
handled that myself?

Oh! Uh, I was just
making sure everything was --

You really had to grab the mic
out of my hand like that?

sh*t. I mean -- No, sorry.
Sorry, I'm not --

Uh, here you go.

I want the girls
here at this school

to know that they can talk to me
about anything.

But I also want
the boys to know

that what I'm looking for
is a better place for everybody.

Turning this school around

is going to take work
from everyone.

From everyone.

I'm sorry. Am I not
doing this correctly?

No. No. Sorry!
I thought I'd add --
Just add for emphasis.

You felt it wasn't
strong enough, me saying it?

No, I'm --
Uh, I'm sorry.

I'm looking forward to being
your vice principal.

And I'm looking forward to
turning this school around.

All right. Now,
if we have any que--

I'm not finished.

Right!
Oh, I'm sorry.

Pay attention, everybody!

♪♪

It's "The Terrance
& Phillip Show!"

On Netflix.

♪♪

Hey, Terrance!

What did the black lawyer
say to the Muslim priest?

I don't know, Phillip.
What?

[ Farts ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

Come in!
[ Door opens ]

Did we miss it?
It's just starting.

Oh, look, honey --
Kyle's mom is here!

Shouldn't you be at Temple,
Ms. Broflovski?

[ Laughter ]

Hola.

Would you like to buy
some chimichangas?

Sí, mi amigo!

Here. I'll give you
two pesos.

[ Farts ]
[ Farts ]

[ Laughing and farting ]

[ Laughter ]

Dude,
that's awesome!

[ Laughter ]

Wha-What's wrong,
dude?

For the first time,
I feel kinda bad

for the person
being farted on.

Ohp. Kyle's mom doesn't like
the cartoon, guys.

Better shut it off.
[ Laughter ]

Baby, I f*ckin' love you
so much.

All right, everyone.
Listen up.

As you all know, we've been
looking for a strong woman

to take on the roll of
vice principal at this school.

We couldn't be happier
with the selection we've made,

and we're sure she'll be making
our school a better place.

So with that,
let me turn over the floor

to our new vice principal --
Strong Woman.

[ Applause ]

Thanks, everyone.
All right. Listen up.

I fully appreciate
that some of you

might be uncomfortable
with me being here.

Earlier today, I noticed that
some faculty

weren't sure whether to call me
Miss Woman or just Strong.

If I were a man,
you'd probably address me

as Vice Principal Woman,

so why would it should it be
any different, huh?

We good?
M'kay.

So I've been getting to know
some of the students here,

and I'm definitely hearing

a lot of frustration
and confusion

over issues that all the schools
are facing right now.

I also spent some time
observing in the cafeteria

and was pretty shocked by the
abusive and intolerant language.

[ Hootie and the Blowfish's
"Hold My Hand" plays ]

Not sure if any of you
have noticed,

♪ With a little love ♪
but a lot of the girls
are eating their lunches

♪ And some tenderness ♪
out on the playground
to avoid being around

the toxic environment
that's been created.

♪ We'll walk upon the water ♪
It's my intention to make
the cafeteria...

♪ We'll rise above the mess ♪

♪ With a little peace ♪
P.E. class is another
huge problem at this school.

♪ And some harmony ♪
The girls' gym outfits...

♪ We'll take
the world together ♪
...seem not to have been
updated since the '60s.

We have a lot of work to do
here, I intend to do it quickly.

Excuse me.
I-I'm sorry,

but, uh, is anyone else
hearing Hootie and the Blowfish

like very, very softly?

♪ 'Cause I wanna run with you ♪

Yeah, yeah.
I hear it.

It's - It's coming
from over here somewhere.

Excuse me, everyone.
I, um -- I need to get
to the restroom.

Sorry.
I'll be right back.

[ Children shouting, laughing ]

[ Farts, laughs ]

[ Farts ]
[ Laughter ]

Hold on, hold on.
Over here. Over here.

[ Farting ]

[ Farts ]
[ Laughs ]

[ Farting, laughing ]

♪♪

Join together,
let no man --
[ Farts ]

Ugh!

♪♪

♪♪

Man: That's it.
That's it, Kyle.

♪♪

No more.

No more of them doody jokes.

No more watching cartoons
of people --

people having to go doody,

and poo-pooing
on each other's heads.

It's not funny anymore,
is it, Kyle?

♪♪

[ Hootie and the Blowfish's
"Hold My Hand" plays ]

♪ With a little love ♪

[ Music plays muffled ]

♪ And some tenderness ♪

[ Music plays normally ]

[ Muffled ]
♪ We'll walk upon the water ♪

[ Music stops ]

Hello there, Mister...

Principal, is it?

That's right.
I'm PC Principal.

What's bringing you
in today?

I'm, uh, having this problem
with my ears.

There's like a persistent kind
of a...ringing going on.

Okay.
Can you describe the ringing?

It's, uh,
Hootie and the Blowfish.

You're hearing a song?

Yeah, um, [clears throat]
there's a new woman

that has joined our faculty.
Her name is Strong Woman.

And, uh, she seems
to have set off

some kind of device
in my ears.

So, maybe you're having
some feelings for her.

No, that couldn't be it.
We work in the same place,

so it'd be impossible
for me to like her.

I'm thinking there must be
some kind of device in my ears.

Well, I looked,

and Hootie and the Blowfish
aren't in your ears.

I believe your hearing them
in your mind and your heart.

Oh. dude.

Bro.

[ Knock on door ]

Strong Woman:
You may enter.

Vice Principal Woman?

Yes?
What can I do for you?

My name's Kyle,

and I've been doing
a lot of changing lately.

I came because I might
be able to offer some...

insight into
our problems here.

Please.
By all means.

You see, there's a culture
at this school

that embraces meanness,

and I believe now it comes
from a Canadian TV show.

All the boys watch it.
I did, too.

We all laughed
while they...

farted
on innocent people's heads.

The thing is...

I never felt for the person
being farted on...

until now.

I want to work with you
to try open people's eyes.

Because I get it now.

You want to blame farts?

That seems kind of ridiculous,
doesn't it?

What?

I mean, it's a slippery slope

when we start
pointing the finger

for our own short comings.

But -- But I thought for sure
you would be on my side.

Kind of sounds like something my
mother would say, actually.

What?!
Oh, forget it!

Cartman: May I have
your attention please?

Mrs. Broflovski,
your tampons

are available
at the front desk.

Mrs. Broflovski, your tampons are
available at the front desk.

Thank you.
[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

Heidi: [ Laughs ] Come on.
We gotta get outta here!

[ Growls ]

♪ Hold my hand ♪

♪ Want you to hold my hand ♪

♪ Hold my hand ♪

You wanted to see me,
PC Principal?

♪ I'll take you to -- ♪
Oh, yes!

Yes, Mackey, uh...

I just wanted to see
how you thought

it was going with
Strong Woman.

Well, she seems to be
acclimating fine, m'kay.

The kids really respect her.

Do you know, um...

Do you know if Strong Woman
has a boyfriend?

What?!

Nothing.
Just forget it.

Are you out of your
f*ckin' mind?!

Askin' if a co-worker is
available in today's times?!

I just wanted to know
because if she's unavailable,

then maybe I can get my head
off of her, all right?!

Oh, boy, this is bad.

This is real bad.

I don't know
how it happened.

I know it's inappropriate,

and yet I can't stop
thinking about her.

I think I'm sick.

Look, this is real f*ckin' fire
you're playin' with, m'kay?

I'm gonna get someone
down here from HR!

HR? Is that, like,
Hootie removal?

No, Human Resources!

The people that come in
to make sure everything's

kept on the level.

We gotta get you
back on track!

Is Canada a bad influence
on the United States?

A group of young people called
"Millennials Against Canada"

think so, and we are joined by
their leader, Kyle Broflovski.

Thanks for having me, Tom.

Young man, you say Canada is to
blame for most of our problems.

All I'm saying is that there's
a culture that originates

from Canada which is at least
partly to blame for the state

of our country now.

To respond to this,
we're now joined

by the Canadian Minister
of Streaming.

Thanks for having me, buddy.

Minister, how do you answer
to these angry millennials?

Well, they're pissed off
because their country sucks,

so they wanna point
the finger at us.

I'm saying we're
all guilty, too.

I grew up watching
Terrance and Phillip,

and I thought
it was funny.
So, you thought it was funny,

but now it's not funny?
No, it was never funny.
I see it differently now!

Oh, so you want to censor it?

We don't want to censor it,

we just want to
get rid of it!

Uh-huh.
You sound like a Jewish Mother.

Oh, see?! That's what I'm
talking about right there!

That kind of mean, degrading,
Canadian trash.

Now, I resent that!
I find that r*cist.

Canadians should care about
the rest of the world!

You are a r*cist, fwiend!

And if you have a problem
with Canada,

maybe you should talk to
your backward president!

-Maybe I will!
-'Kay, go ahead!

Maybe I know
the president.

Oh, sure you do,
just like all Jewish moms

because you don't understand
how --

Stop calling me that!
Can I finish?!

That's all you know
is how to be mean and --

There's not a --
Can I finish please?!

Because you were all
raised on it yourselves!

Please, can I finish?!

All right, I'm finished.

All right, everyone, listen up.

As you know we want to provide
a safe work environment

for all our employees.

Sometimes feelings do arise

and we are tempted by the devil
to act upon them.

So we've been reaching out
to Human Resources Division

as I think we can all
use someone to tell us

about what is and isn't
considered misconduct.

She has some great advice
for us,

so now please welcome
Heather Conduct.

Go ahead, Miss Conduct.

Hello, everyone,
my name is Miss Conduct.

I'm here to talk about
making sure we avoid

any trouble at this school,
m'all right?

M'kay.

M'all right.

Now, by a show of hands,

who's ever had inappropriate
feelings for a co-worker?

Well, hello there,
little girl.

Are you selling
girl scout cookies?

Why, yes I am.
How about a snickerdoodle?

All right.
You asked for it.

[ Farts ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Oh! Oh, I think
I sh*t my pants.

[ Whistle blows ]

All right! That's it!
Everyone stop!

We're shutting it down!

We are
Millennials Against Canada!

We demand this kind of bullying

Canadian entertainment
be stopped!

Didn't think I'd live
long enough to see

this all happen again.

More and More millennials
are turning into Jewish mothers

today as they demand
the censorship of entertainment.

The protesters say they're
not giving up and are demanding

to speak with the president
of the United States.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Here you go! Call is
coming in on your phone!

Good give it here!
Yes, hello?

This is the leader of
the Millennials Against Canada.

Kyle, what the f*ck
are you doing?

Oh, I'm sorry I'm taking
a stand and doing something.

I realize this doesn't gel
with your nihilism!

Okay, dude. I didn't
want to have say this,

but you're really starting
to sound like your mom.

I'm not like my mom!

I'm gonna make a difference!

It's gonna feel real good!

Kyle? Kyle!

Don't do this man!

You can't mess
with this sh*t

while You Know Who
is in office!

We're all gonna die!!

♪♪

M'all right,
so now everyone,

we're gonna do some
role playing, m'all right,

talk about appropriate ways
we can talk in the workplace.

Can I -- Can I get a volunteer
to role play with me?

M'all right?
How about you Mister, uh...

Mr. Mackey.

M'all right, come on up here.

M'all right now,
we're just gonna pretend

it's a normal morning
before work

and we're startin' the day.
M'all right?

Oh, Mr. Mackey,
good morning.

Good morning, uh,
Miss Conduct.

Now did you have
a nice night?

Yeah, yeah, it was good.

M'all right, okay, well,
good luck today,

and I hope that
our working relationship

can continue be honest
and straightforward.

Oh, I'm very open and honest,
I promise you that.

I can see that, you've got
very honest eyes, m'all right.

M'all right, I probably
shouldn't have said

"You have honest eyes,"
m'all right.

That's a bit crossin'
the line commenting

on his physical attributes,
m'all right? That's bad.

I'm gonna stick to just talking
about work only, m'all right?

So, uh, Mr. Mackey,
what methods do you use

for counseling the students?

Oh, I mostly use
a semi-cognitive approach

adapted
by Kiezrick Solomon.

Wow, you studied Solomon?

He was actually my thesis
in college.

Are you serious? Nobody I talk
to has ever even heard of him!

No! Same here!

What made you attracted
to his work?

Well, it's just such
a natural approach, m'kay.

M'all right.
M'all right.

When I read it, you know,
first, I was like,

"Whoa, okay."
M'all right.

"This just really makes
sense," you know?

[ Chuckles ]
Well, m'all right.

Mmm'kay.

M'all right.

Mister President, you need
to do something

about your millennials!

What do you want me to do?

Terrance and Phillip
are Canada's largest export!

They account for 80%
of our gross national product!

If your citizens mess with them,
they mess with all of us.

Look, I'm president
of the United States.

I can't get involved
in every petty little protest

against a third world country.

Third world country?!
How dare you!

Canada is second world at least!

Now, you listen here,
Mr. Buddy!

Either you stop the embargo on
the "Terrance and Phillip show,"

or we'll bring in our own troops
to stop it ourselves!

Are you threatening us,
you beady-eyed Canuck?

I'm simply telling you
that Canada will do

what it must
to protect itself!

Then I guess both our countries
better be prepared.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

And then, you know, I was looking for
something to get away from the city.

I've never really been
a city person.

M'all right. M'all right.

I definitely get that.
M'all right.

I like hiking around,
being around in nature, m'kay.

I agree, I agree,
the city's bad.

I love hiking, too. What are
some of your favorite places?

Well you know Mount Evans
is always nice.

[ Chuckles ] M'all right.
M'all right.

[ Siren wailing ]

[ Alarm bell rings ]

What the hell is that?

There's some kind of...

m*llitary alert going out.

All right,
m*llitary alert everyone.

Let's get to the hallways

and get the students
to the gymnasium.

Come on. Let's move!

[ Helicopter blades whirring ]

[ Sirens wailing ]

It's the National Guard!

The National Guard?!

It's the President!
He wants to talk to you.

Yes, this is
Millennials Against Canada.

Yeah, listen this thing
is kind of escalating.

You people need to
call it quits.

We can't do that,
Mr. President.

Someone has to do
what's right!

What exactly do you want?

What do I want?!

I want a world...

where laughter doesn't come
at someone else's expense,

where people can live freely
without fear of being farted on.

I want a world where you aren't
ridiculed for trying to help!

A world where a nice girl
that I liked

isn't turned into
another Eric Cartman!

These Canadians are
in the way of that world

and everything they do
and everything they have done

needs to be erased
from the Earth!

Geez, I got a little chub.

[ Children screaming ]

Let's go!
Everyone to the gymnasium now!

You heard her!
Move it people!

[ Screaming continues ]

I have to make sure all
the classrooms are empty.

You go take cover
with the kids!

I'm coming, too!

I'm your Vice Principal!

All right, come on!

Oh, no.
What's wrong?

Vice Principal Woman,
I need to ask you something.

Okay.
This is very difficult,
but, uh...

What? What?!

[ Clears throat]
Well, as you can see,

there is a door
in front of us.

Yes, there is.

I would like to open this door for you,
however I understand the gender-based biases

that this could imply.
Why do you need to
open the door?

I don't need to open
the door.

I'd just be opening it and holding it the same way I
would for counselor Mackey, a student, or anyone else.

Somebody's going to have
to open the door,

or we could die out here.

♪♪

♪ With a little love
and some tenderness ♪

♪ We'll rise above the mess ♪

♪ With a little peace,
and some harmony ♪

♪ We'll take the world
together ♪

[ m*ssile whistling ]

♪ We'll take 'em by the hand ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got
a hand for you ♪

♪ 'Cause I wanna run with you ♪

♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ I saw you standing there ♪

♪ Your head was down,
your eyes were red ♪

♪ No comb had touched
your hair ♪

♪ I said get up,
and let me see you smile ♪

Cartman: May I have
your attention please?

Mrs. Broflovski, your tampons are
available at the front desk.

Mrs. Broflovski,
your tampons

are available
at the front desk.

Thank you.
[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

Heidi: [ Laughs ] Come on.
We gotta get outta here!