04x03 - Demolition Dabney

[bunniefuu]

Peek-a-boo.

I see you.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Oh.

Peek-a-boo.

I see you.

Yeah.

Ready ready? Peek-a-boo! I see you.

I just realized there's no end to this game.

Woo-hoo! Let me guess.

You're gonna be on TV again.

Oh! I can't believe it.

"Good Morning, Denver" called.

They want me to do another segment.

Really? After what happened last time? Yeah.

Turns out, a house falling down is actually good TV.

Question is, how am I gonna top it? Okay, mom.

I have some good news too.

- Oh really? What's going on? - This is so exciting.

So you know how Yale is my first choice of colleges? Yeah.

They've scheduled an alumni interview for me right here at the house.

I mean, it doesn't mean that I'm in for sure, but it definitely means that they're interested.

And if it goes well, it's a really big plus.

That's great.

You having trouble focusing? I'm gonna be on TV.

Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

You want to get that? And interact with people? No thanks.

- Hi.

- Hey.

I'm Lauren.

I'm new to the neighborhood and I'm looking for babysitting jobs.

And I heard you guys have lots of babies.

Oh, that we do.

But it also means that I have a lot of free babysitters.

Dad dad dad.

Shouldn't we keep our options open? - Hi.

I'm Gabe.

- Hi.

I'm Lauren.

I probably should interview her just to make sure she meets our high standards.

Can't just let anybody babysit for, uh - Toby? - Toby, right.

Yeah.

Thank you.

So, Lauren, how long have you been babysitting? About a year.

Okay.

All right.

Follow-up question.

Do you have a boyfriend? What does that have to do with babysitting? Oh, I'm interviewing for something else now.

Oh.

In that case, I don't have a boyfriend.

Do you have a girlfriend? I'm working on it.

You're cute.

I am, aren't I? So, you're new to the neighborhood, huh? Yeah, I'm staying with my grandmother for a while.

I can't wait to meet her.

You already have.

Oh no! Oh yes.

Let's go, Lauren.

This is the one I warned you about.

This is the Devil Child? But he seems so nice.

That's what makes him the Devil Child.

Hey, people change.

- Oh, hey, PJ.

- Hey, sis.

So, I have a question for you.

Where are you going to be tomorrow at 3:00 pm? Now I have an answer for you.

- Anywhere but here.

- Why can't I be here? Because a guy is coming over to interview me for Yale, and so I want the house to myself.

Because you're ashamed of me? Not just of you.

Everybody.

Oh.

Well, that makes me feel a little better.

All right.

I guess I can not be here tomorrow.

Great.

Thanks.

Oh, although I was gonna watch my cartoons tomorrow at 3:00.

Can't you just skip a day? Can't you just skip your college interview? Why is your stuff more important than mine? Because mine involves Yale, and yours involves a turtle with a suitcase.

It's a briefcase, and it's a portal to another dimension.

I'm begging you.

Please don't be here tomorrow.

All right.

I'll make other arrangements.

Thank you.

Got an interview for Yale.

Grow up.

Hey.

Hey.

What do we have here? Well, one of my kids finally wanted to see where daddy works.

So, Charlie, what do you think? Can we go now? Charlie, we just got here.

Oh.

You want to sit in daddy's chair? It spins around.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Boom.

Woo! - Can I go next, boss? - We've been over this, Vern.

So, what have we got lined up for today? Same as yesterday.

Nothing.

What? Man, what I don't get it.

Why is business down? I mean, we just put out new advertising.

Charlie, look.

Huh? - What do you think? - That's scary, daddy.

It's not scary.

It's clever.

Oh, you just can't read yet.

You don't realize this is a pun, see? Daddy's all dressed up like a boxer.

So I'm gonna knock out your bug problems.

Boxers knock things out.

Oh, that is clever.

- PJ, what you thinking about? - I've got a problem.

I'm trying to figure out where to watch my cartoons tomorrow at 3:00.

How about your place? No, because Emmett's gonna be watching his cartoons then.

Boy, you think you have a problem then you hear something like that.

What's your problem? Well, I like this girl, but it turns out her grandmother's Mrs.

Dabney.

- Ooh.

Oh.

That is bad.

- Yeah.

Normally, I'd have nothing to do with anyone related to Dabney but, Lauren has that one quality I've never really found in a girl before.

- What's that? - She likes me.

Sounds like one of a kind, man.

You should go for it.

You know what? You're right.

Here goes nothing.

Oh hey, while you're there, will you find out if Mrs.

D will be watching "Yacky the Duck" tomorrow at 3:00? - Is Lauren here? - Yes.

Can I see her? About what? That's between me and her.

Right now what's between you and her is me.

So start talking.

- Hi, Gabe.

- Hey, Lauren.

Do you want to go roller skating tomorrow? Can I, grandma? And now it's back to me.

Pretty please? Oh, all right.

- Thanks.

- Yes.

What time will you be picking us up? Us? Well, I'm not gonna let you two go unchaperoned.

You date her, you date me.

Fine.

I'll be by tomorrow around 1:00.

Will you be taking us out for cheeseburgers? Don't push it.

Wear something cute.

- Good morning, Vern.

- Look what I found.

Oh! The old me.

Big boy Bob, as the guys in the break room used to say.

The only guys in the break room are you and me, Vern.

I guess I said it to myself.

Why is he here? Well, I've been thinking.

We used to get a lot of jobs when this guy was the face of the company.

But then This guy came along.

And as your little girl said, he's scary.

He's also in shape.

I think the new Bob is frightening the customers.

This guy you want in your house.

He's warm, he's cuddly, he's gonna eat some cookies, maybe take a nap on your couch.

I only did that once.

But this guy, he's tough, he's menacing, he's gonna k*ll the bugs, but then what? Now he's got a taste for blood.

Oh, that's ridic what are you saying, Vern? You want me to put the weight back on? Oh no no.

Of course not.

Nobody's saying anything like that.

No no.

Oh, lookie here.

An ad for an all-you-can-eat buffet.

And us with nothing to do.

Okay.

Hello.

I'm Lionel Van Ness.

Yale '85.

Hi.

I'm Teddy Duncan.

Yale '18.

If all goes well.

Can we start over? Hello.

I'm Lionel Van Ness.

Yale '85.

Please, make yourself comfortable.

Listen, I know these interviews can be intimidating, but I just want you to relax, be yourself.

We're just two people talking.

Sounds good to me.

So, Teddy, what made you think about Yale? Oh well, there are so many reasons.

But if I had to pick one, I guess I'd say I have a thing for bulldogs.

It's the mascot.

Oh, hi.

What's going on here? I told you.

My college interview.

Oh, right.

I'm sorry.

- I'm Amy Duncan.

Teddy's mom.

- Hello, Lionel Van Ness.

Nice to meet you.

Uh, mom, what are you doing? I'm sitting in.

You won't even know that I'm here.

That's all right with you, isn't it, Lionel? Well, it's a bit unusual, but I guess it's okay.

Great.

Come on in, boys.

What is going on? Okay, let's go back to where you greet each other like you never met, okay? And with good energy.

What is all this? Oh, I'm sorry, Lionel.

Allow me to explain.

I'm a local TV personality.

And I'm filming a segment for my show "Good Morning, Denver".

And you two are gonna be on it.

No, we're not.

My sweet Teddy.

She's so beautiful, it's hard to believe she's camera shy.

Mom, could I have a quick word with you in the kitchen? - Sure, Sweetie.

- Yes.

Be right back.

Hey Ken, could you get him into a different shirt? One that goes with my eyes? - What are you doing?! - I'm k*lling two birds with one stone.

Teddy, I need a new segment for my show, and you need help getting into Yale.

Mom, how is this helping? Having your interview on TV is gonna make you stand out.

And if I happen to win a local emmy as well, well, it's a win-win.

Mom, this is really important to me, so just please don't blow it.

I'm not gonna blow it, okay? I just need five minutes.

I'll get a couple of quick sh*ts and I'll be on my way.

Five minutes, but that's it.

Thank you, honey.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.

One more thing, if you could find some time to mention the phrase um "Rick's Diner, quality you can taste" that would be too much? Okay.

So.

We having fun yet? - No.

- Good.

Oh, hey, guys.

PJ! What the heck are you doing here? At the roller rink unexpectedly.

Oh, hello, Gabe.

I just came by to roller skate.

As I often do this time of day.

As long as you're here, you can chaperone us, and Mrs.

Dabney can go home.

Do you really think I'd leave my granddaughter with Devil Child and Devil Child's dimwitted brother? Don't worry, Mrs.

Dabney.

Gabe and I will be here too.

Oh! Okay, new plan.

You keep Dabney occupied so I can get some alone time with Lauren.

- Alright you got it little bro.

- Thanks.

I will not let Mrs.

Dabney out of my sight.

I lost her.

- This is nice, huh? - Yeah.

Oh, I think it's a couples' skate.

So I think we're supposed to hold hands.

Well, if we have to.

If we have to.

Oh no you don't.

And now it's triple skate.

Found her.

Also, I've always been interested in writing, and I know that Yale has a great English Department which, um Is actually what drew me there in the first place.

You know, I've considered a career in in journalism and possibly Teaching.

You're breathing on my neck.

Honey, it's for the camera.

It's called a two-sh*t.

Are you getting this, Ken? What would you consider your greatest challenge? Oh, you mean besides this? Uh I have to say choosing the right major.

Because I have so many different interests.

- It's gonna - You know, if I may, Lionel.

I think what Teddy's trying to say is that, she has been drawn to Yale because she wants to follow in her mother's footsteps.

Oh, did you go to Yale? I thought about it.

But then I chose Southwest Denver Community College.

The jewel of The Rockies.

You know, Yale's just been done to death, so.

Getting back to Teddy uh, tell me about your extracurriculars.

Uh, well, I've always had a passion for theater.

- It's - I have a question.

You're gonna want to go tight on this, Ken.

As a concerned mother, I want to know about your meal plan.

I am not gonna send my daughter all the way across the country if she doesn't have balanced nutrition and I'm sorry.

I can do so much better.

Let's just do that again.

- As a concerned - Stop it! - What? - Your five minutes are up.

You're done.

- Teddy, I'm just trying to help.

- Who? Who are you helping? Because it's not me.

Guys, could you turn the camera off.

Just take five.

I did it again, didn't I? I'm sorry, Teddy.

I'm so so sorry.

I just sometimes I want to be on TV so bad that I lose my head.

Yeah, well, it's over.

So Mr.

Van Ness, I'm Very sorry that we wasted your time.

I know this thing has been a complete disaster.

- And I'm never going to Yale.

- Actually, I'm very impressed with you.

Your grades are excellent, you're well-rounded, and now that I know you've accomplished everything under such difficult circumstances I'm gonna recommend you.

Really? Well, that's amazing! You're welcome! - What's going on, boss? - We're doing a photo sh**t, Vern.

Oh, we're finally gonna do that calendar? "The men of Bob's Bugs Be Gone".

Dibs on baby new year.

Yeah, I'm gonna need a minute to get that image out of my head.

No, I was thinking about what you said.

About how the customers think I'm scary.

- What about it? - Maybe you're right.

So you know what? We should do new sh*ts.

Make me look friendly and lovable, so that people will want me in their house k*lling things.

Brilliant.

Let's do it.

S-s-super star.

Big star going far, there you are.

S-s-super star.

S-s-super star.

Yeah, come on.

Look so bright.

Livin' right.

Here all night.

Come on.

S-s-superstar.

This isn't working, is it? Too bad you don't have a puppy.

Nobody can resist those little guys.

Oh, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I got something even better.

Now we're talking, boss.

Hey, I even have a new slogan.

"I'll protect your house just like it's my own baby".

Love it.

So how do I look? - Getting my smile okay? - I'm getting everything I need.

Oh wow.

I forgot how much fun dating can be.

If you ask us out again, we'll probably say yes.

All right, Mrs.

Dabney, let's see what you got.

Oh no.

I gotta keep my eye on these two.

Oh, I get it.

You don't got any moves.

Oh, it's gonna be like that, huh? All right.

You two, hands to yourself.

I gotta take PJ to school.

- Let's go.

- Okay.

Wow, Mrs.

Dabney, you move pretty well for an old School skater.

Why did you pause? I Sometimes do that.

You know, I was once in an ice skating contest where I picked Gabe up and twirled him over my head.

Not gonna happen.

Oh, neither I nor the laws of gravity were suggesting it.

Sometimes you're smart, sometimes you're dumb.

It's hard to keep up.

I just want you to know that no matter what your grandmother says, I'm not a bad guy.

Maybe I like bad guys.

- Ready to kick it up a notch? - Try and stop me! Woo! Woo-ooh! No! Hey, Charlie.

So piece of advice, when it's time for your college interviews, just go to them.

Don't let them come to you.

You know what? Actually, this applies to everything.

Playdates, sleepovers, first dates.

Basically any social interaction.

Can you do that somewhere else? I'm hurting over here.

Gabe's a little cranky.

He went on a date and had a little mishap.

A mishap? I went looking for love and got a face full of Dabney.

Wish him good luck, Charlie.

Peek-a-boo.

I see you.

Peek-a-boo! I see you.

Man, I'm so sick of this game.

And this guy seems to love it.

Peek-a-boo.

I see you.

Oh, there's a new twist Not.

Peek-a-boo! I see you.

Anything but this.

"Wheels on the bus"? "Itsy bitsy spider"? Something? Peek-a-boo.

I see you.

Check, please?! Ooh.

Time for "Yacky the Duck".

Oh, thank goodness.

Oh, I've seen this one already.

Huh? No no no no no.

It's worth another look.

There's nuance, subtlety, there's Peek-a-boo.

I see you.

Oh, Aah!