04x07 - Rat-A-Teddy

[bunniefuu]

(Video game noises)

Ga Gabe? I asked you to take your clothes upstairs.

Yeah, I said I would.

I just didn't say when.

I don't get you sometimes, you know? I wash your clothes.

I dry them.

I fold them.

I put them in the basket.

All I ask is that you take them upstairs.

I see what's going on here.

Somebody needs a pat on the back.

Hey, you're doing great, mom.

Clothes upstairs now.

- (Cellphone rings)

- Oh.

Hold that thought.

Hello.

Oh, hey, Lauren.

Yeah, how's it going? Oh, no, I'm not doing anything.

Don't forget to take your Yeah, so what's up? Yeah, sure you're cute now.

One day you'll disappoint me too.

(Rock music playing) Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

Hey! Want to hear some exciting news? Emmett and I are apartment sitting for the guy upstairs.

We're taking care of his pet rats.

And the exciting part is? Somebody trusts me and Emmett.

With rats.

Live rats.

Wait, so you guys aren't going to be in your apartment tonight? That's right.

Why? Well, I was kind of thinking about having a slumber party.

See, tonight would be my anniversary with Spencer.

But rather than sit around and mope, I was thinking I should have some fun with my girls.

And you want me to bring the rats over to liven up the festivities? Actually I was hoping I could have the slumber party at your apartment.

- Oh, sure.

No problem.

- Thanks.

You know, we could do it here, it's just there's so many people around.

- Mom? - That's the people I'm talking about.

Unbelievable! Unbelievable!

- Charlie, look at this.

- I can't read, daddy.

I'm sorry.

Look, this is an ad For a new extermination company.

Vern Hardy, formerly of Bob's Bugs-Be-Gone Has opened Vern's Vermin-Be-Vanquished.

Unbelievable.

(Phone rings)

(Chuckles)

Hi, Vern.

Hey, what's new? Yeah.

No no no no.

I do accept your resignation.

Hey, this is how you repay me for 12 years of work, by stabbing me in the back? You I know k*lling bugs is an ugly business.

- I taught you that!

- (Phone beeps)

(Sighs) Now what am I gonna do? Get someone else.

You know what? For someone who can't read, you're pretty smart.

Thanks for this, P.J.

you know, tonight I just want to have fun And not even think about you-know-who and the fact that it's our you-know-what.

No problem.

Hey, you know, I think the last time you were here, was when I made that French dinner for you and Spencer.

Also known as you-know-who.

- That was for your anniversary, wasn't it?

- And there's the you-know-what.

- What were you going to show me?

- Okay, first thing Don't touch the D.V.R.

I'm recording a Yacky the Duck Marathon.

Very important.

Also, plumbing can be tricky.

Don't use the kitchen sink and the toilet at the same time.

Bad things will happen.

- Okay.

- Really bad things.

- This one time Emmett was

- I don't need to know.

Okay, uh you're welcome to anything in the fridge.

There's not much in there.

Just a banana.

Oh! Actually, don't touch the banana.

That's Emmett's.

Got it.

Anything else? Uh, let's see Yacky, plumbing, banana nope.

We're good.

Thank you.

(Doorbell rings)

Hey, Lauren, come on in.

Hi, Mrs.

Duncan.

Hi.

You must be Charlie.

Who are you? I'm Lauren.

I'm Mrs.

Dabney's granddaughter.

But you seem nice.

We're all baffled.

(Chuckles) Whoa.

Whoa.

Laundry basket almost took me down.

What is that doing there? I will be right back.

So sorry.

- Did you see that?

- Unbelievable.

Thank you, Lauren.

You know, with five kids, I don't always notice what needs to be put away.

Oh, you're welcome.

It's really funny.

Yeah, there's probably, stuff lying all over this house making a mess.

Stuff right here in this room.

- See anything?

- Um, I don't know.

The video games are kind of messy, I guess.

- Huh.

- Okay, I'm back.

Gabe, Lauren and I were just talking.

What was it you were saying about the video games? That they were messy? Messy, yes, that's the word that you used.

Oh.

(Chuckles) That's my bad.

That's his bad.

(Laughs)

(Whispers) You're welcome here any time, Lauren.

Any time at all.

Come in.

Hi, I'm Beau Landry.

I'm here about the job.

- Bob Duncan.

- It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir.

- Have a seat.

- Here's my resume.

(Mumbles, sighs) Well, looks like you just moved here.

Yes Sir, from Hollow Rock, Tennessee.

- So why'd you leave?

- You ever been to Hollow Rock, Tennessee?

- So what brought you to Denver?

- The bus.

Naw, I'm just messing with you.

(Laughs) My Aunt lives in Denver, so I figure while I'm staying with her I might as well check it out, look for a job, make some money, save for college.

(Sighs) Well, Beau, you seem like a great kid, but you just You don't have any experience in the field.

Well, I can't argue that, but I really want this job, Sir.

Ever since I was little, it's been my dream to be an exterminator.

- Really?

- Naw, I'm just messing with you again.

(Chuckles) I actually just want a job.

Okay, well, that's good enough for me.

- You're hired.

- Really? No, just messing with you.

This is gonna be so much fun.

Too bad Ivy's too sick to be here.

Yeah.

She is sick, right? Because sometimes I get the feeling she doesn't like me.

- Why would you say that?

- She told me she doesn't like me.

She told me that too.

Oh, Ivy doesn't like you either? No, she told me she doesn't like you.

Moving past Ivy to the fun part Okay, have you guys seen Jackson? The new boy at school? He is c-u-t-e cute! I talked to him at lunch, but I couldn't tell if he was interested.

How do you know if a boy likes you? I have so many questions about boys, like, why are they so mean? Why are they so stupid? Why don't I have one? Guys, can we please just not talk about boys tonight? I'm sorry, it's just kind of a sore subject.

You're right, Teddy.

I'm sorry.

(P.J.knocks) - Hello, can I come in? - Ooh! That sounds like a boy!

(Voice breaks) Come on in.

It's not a boy.

It's just my brother.

What are you doing here? Oh, just double-checking you're not using the D.V.R.

Oh, and Emmett wants his banana.

Hey, P.J., can I ask you a question? Sorry, Teddy, this is gonna be about boys.

Go ahead.

Okay, how does a girl know if a boy likes her? Oh, that's easy.

It's the way he looks at you when you first meet.

It seems like time stops and you're the only two people in the world.

- Oh!

- I want that.

I had that.

Oh, hey, that reminds me happy anniversary, sis.

Really? What? I didn't say Spencer's name.

Oh, dang it! If you came over to borrow something, I'm out of it.

Good afternoon to you too.

Actually, I was wondering if Lauren could come over.

How come you're asking and not Gabe? What's going on, Amy? Does something have to be going on, for me to pay a visit to my friend and neighbor Mrs.

Dabney? Yes.

Yeah, okay, I'm not buying it either.

Okay, here's the deal I cannot get Gabe to do his chores.

But whenever Lauren asks him to do something, he does it, so can I borrow her for a while? Why would I let you take advantage of my precious granddaughter? Because Maybe there's something in it for you.

Evil is a two-way street.

Evil? I'm listening.

You could use Gabe to get Lauren to do her chores.

Ooh.

I thought you'd like it.

So, for instance, if Gabe were to tell Lauren that he was embarrassed about our dirty windows She might do something about it.

Gabe's always had a thing about clean windows Ever since he was a baby.

You should come over more often.

Aw.

Look at this place.

It's hard to believe an apartment in our building can look this great.

Right? I mean, he has everything we don't Nice furniture, cool art, rats.

What are the rats' names again? Peanut Butter and Jelly.

- Wow.

- (Rustling) Look at Jelly run around the cage.

Man, he's fast.

I bet Peanut Butter's faster.

Are you saying what I think you're saying? Both: Rat race! This may be our greatest race ever.

- Certainly our weirdest.

- (Laughs)

- Are you ready?

- Ready.

On your mark, get set

- Go.

- (Squeaking) - What are they doing?

- Guys, the path is clearly marked.

- Where they go? Oh no.

- No no no no no.

- No no no no.

No no no no.

- (Whimpering) No no.

- Oh oh oh oh!

- What? What?

- Oh, I got Jelly.

- Where's Peanut Butter? Well, he's not at the finish line, so winner!

(Squeaking)

(Screaming)

(All scream)

Wait! Why are we screaming?

- (Squeaking continues)

- (Screaming continues)

How did a rat get in here anyway?

- Well, there it is!

- (Girls screaming) Why are you screaming? Is there a problem with the D.V.R.? There's a rat in here!

- Both: Yes!

- Woo!

- Peanut Butter.

- P.J.: Come here, Peanut Butter.

- Okay, Peanut Butter.

- Come here.

- I'm Emmett.

- I'm Vonnie.

- P.J.: Emmett!

- Sorry, sorry.

(Whispers) Did you see that? He just gave me the look! You don't want the look from Emmett.

Believe me.

Okay, now where was the last place you saw the rat? Right there.

Well, he's not there now, so we know he moved.

That's the kind of thinking that comes with the look.

- We need a plan to catch this rat.

- Okay, I think I got one.

You go upstairs, grab all the cheese you can find, crackers too, and you bring 'em down here.

After we've had our after-breakfast snack, we'll think of ways to catch that rat.

Got it.

Good morning, Sir.

Beau Landry ready for work.

I'm sorry.

I guess I didn't make myself clear.

You didn't get the job.

Sir, if I didn't get the job, then why am I wearing this shirt? I don't know why.

Mr.Duncan, I'm a hard worker and I'm reliable.

If you give me a chance, you won't be disappointed.

Beau, come on.

Look, I (Sighs) I really need someone with experience.

Well, this is already my second day.

Come on, there must've been someone that gave you your first big break.

(Sighs)

(Chuckles) Well There was old man Witherspoon.

Yeah, there's a story.

- I don't suppose you'd want to hear it.

- I'd love to.

Really? You want to hear one of my bug stories? That's never happened before.

(Phone ringing) You hang on.

- Hello.

- Teddy: Dad, there was a rat!

- Oh, hi, Teddy.

- A rat in PJ's apartment! Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

What? All right, all right.

I'll be right over.

Well, I guess it's your lucky day.

I'm gonna give you a sh*t.

We've got a rat situation.

- I'm hired?

- We'll just see how the first job goes.

Oh! Hey, you know what? On the way over, I'll tell you the old man Witherspoon story.

Now I kinda have the job, so Oh, no no no no no.

You said you'd listen.

There's no take-backs.

These are really dirty.

Seems like they haven't been washed forever.

Actually, it was November

(Laughs) That's pretty specific.

I used to egg her windows every Halloween.

Sweet memories.

Sweet memories.

- So is this clean enough for you?

- I guess.

Who cares? You care.

You have a thing about clean windows.

I don't have a thing about clean anything.

That's not what your mom told my grandma.

My mom and Mrs.Dabney were together? And now we're washing windows?

- Yeah, so?

- We're being played! Mrs.Dabney I can see, but my own mother? Actually, I can see that too.

Amy, you are a genius.

I think next week Lauren's gonna point out that my garden needs weeding.

And I have a feeling Gabe is gonna think my laundry room needs repainting.

He does have an eye for that.

(Both laughing evilly) Wow.

Your evil laugh is a lot better than mine.

I've been doing it a lot longer.

They're laughing now, but we'll see who's laughing later.

So what are we gonna do? I don't know yet, but whatever it is, it's gonna end in evil laughing.

I swear Emmett gave me the look.

Oh! And we're back to that.

Oh, and I gave the look back to him.

Ha! We're so getting married.

He didn't give you the look.

He looked at you.

There's a difference.

I guess somebody doesn't want to be a bridesmaid.

I don't either.

Okay, cavalry is here.

Girls, maybe you should wait in the bathroom.

Well, what if the rat's in there? Then they'll scream and we'll know where the rat is.

- What?

- Uh, nothing.

Nothing.

- Ready to go.

- Who's this? This is Beau, giving him a little try-out.

- Beau, this is my son, P.J.

- Hey.

(Trap rattles) Oh whoa.

No no no traps.

Dad, you can't k*ll this rat.

Well, then what did you call an exterminator for? Oh, I thought you were a pest control specialist.

I stopped saying that years ago.

Who was I kidding?

- Why can't we use the traps?

- Because he's a pet.

His name's Peanut Butter.

Someone trusted me with him and then I raced him Like I always do.

Do you happen to have any real peanut butter? Well, yeah, why? Well, I figure if his name's Peanut Butter, maybe he likes peanut butter.

(Bob chuckles) Dad is this gonna work? No, of course not.

But you know what? This is good, because we all learn from trial and

- There he is!

- (P.J.Gasps)

- There you go.

- Oh, thank you.

Oh, Peanut Butter, you had me so worried.

Not bad, kid.

Not bad.

You know what? Welcome aboard.

All right.

(Chuckles) Hey, girls, you can come out now.

Oh, hey, Beau, this is Vonnie and Kelsey

- Both: Hi.

- And that's my daughter Teddy.

(Angelic chorus singing) Hi.

Hey.

Now that was the look.

Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were getting together with Lauren.

Oh, we broke up.

What?! Wha what happened? She's nice and all.

It's just she started getting all bossy.

Kept asking me to do chores and stuff.

Gabe, this is all my fault.

What? Okay, look, Mrs.Dabney and I, used you and Lauren to get each other to do things around the house.

How could you do that?! Well, it was more Mrs.Dabney than me.

I can't believe you ruined my first relationship.

I feel terrible.

I I just Is there anything I can do, anything at all to make you feel better?

(Sighs) I I could eat.

Okay, I'll make you a sandwich.

Eh.

You know what might help? Lasagna From from the nice Italian place.

That's all the way across town.

- My first relationship, mom.

- I'm leaving now.

- (Sighs)

- (Door opens, closes)

(Rings)

- Hey.

- Hey, how's it working over there? Hang on.

Here you go, honey.

Grandma's so sorry for what she did.

Working like a charm.

Hey Charlie, so Today's life lesson is about sleepovers.

As in don't have them at PJ's apartment.

Wait, what am I saying? When you're my age, PJ's gonna be, like, 30.

He can't still be living with Emmett, can he? My advice stands.

In other news, dad hired a new guy Beau.

And I met him and That's all I wanna say about that.

Hey, honey, have you seen Gabe? I made him one of those fruit smoothies he loves so much.

Oh, I think he went somewhere with Lauren.

With Lauren? They're still together? I mean, they were holding hands.

You know what goes well with a smoothie? Revenge.

Well, Gabe's gonna need some good luck, Charlie.

Hey! So what's the big emergency? I was taking care of my neighbors bird and as usual I lost him.

Well, so, what do you need me for? Remember how we used peanut butter to catch Peanut Butter? I think the same thing might work with the bird.

- What's the birds name?

- Bob.

That's ridiculous! I think his given name is Robert.

- Makes sense to me.

- That's not what I meant.

Will you please just go stand by the window? Fine.

But I'm telling you, this isn't going to work.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Thanks dad.

It's the wrong bird, but thanks.

Oh, there you are.

Hi Bob.