04x08 - Charlie 4, Toby 1

[bunniefuu]

Why is there two cakes? Because you and Toby share a birthday, remember? I don't like that.

Well, maybe it'll be different next year.

How can it be different next year? Won't they always PJ, look! Pretty balloon.

Oh, that is nice.

You know, Charlie, you're also having another party at preschool.

It's birthday day on Friday.

Is that party gonna be just for me? Of course it might.

Hey, honey, you need any help with the preschool party? Nope.

Five kids.

Got it down to a science.

And, that's why I offered.

Ah, come on, a few cupcakes, couple party hats.

Ba-bam! Childhood memory, done.

Come on, Toby, eat some cake.

We gotta get a picture of you with cake smushed all over your face, buddy.

Everybody else has one.

I don't remember seeing a picture of me with smushed cake.

Uh, almost everybody.

Left out again, really? Well well, that ends now.

Oh! Take the picture.

This is adorable.

Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

Hey.

What are you doing here? I live here.

It's the middle of the day.

Shouldn't you be in school? Shouldn't you be at work? Look, sometimes I don't like using the bathroom at This isn't about me.

- What's going on? - All right.

Truth is I got into trouble.

I punched out Bryce Jenkins, the toughest kid in school.

Whoa, you got into a fight? And won? It wasn't a fight.

It was an accident.

I was really tired.

I yawned.

Like like this.

Just as Bryce was walking by.

Yeah, Principal sees Bryce on the floor, I get sent home.

- Didn't you explain it was an accident?

- I tried.

Nobody believed me.

Man, you tell 300 lies All right, well, tomorrow you're gonna have to go down there and you're gonna have to clear all this up.

- And apologize to Bryce as well.

- Yeah, I will.

Well, gotta head back to the triple B-G.

- The what? - Bob's Bugs-Be-Gone.

It's just kind of a more hip, happenin' way of saying it.

Is it? Oh, thanks so much for letting me borrow this, Amy.

My cake pan was getting worn out.

So I thought to myself "Who would have one that's never been used?" Well, uh, as long as you're replacing things that are worn out, would you like to borrow a dress? Anyhoo I'm really looking forward to birthday day at preschool.

Oh, that's right.

Deedee and Charlie were born in the same month.

The way it works is we each get Yeah, I have five kids.

To know how it works.

Well, my 15 minutes are gonna be quite something.

Yeah, mine too.

I just don't wanna be one of those lazy moms who just gets some store-bought cupcakes and a couple of sad hats.

Yeah, those moms are so lame.

Hey, mom.

Got Charlie's cupcakes and party hats.

That's that's for a different Charlie.

- Oh, really? - Yes.

- Who's this Charlie?

- That is a we have Have a cat.

And the cat is also named Charlie.

And it is also Celebrating a birthday.

Here, kitty kitty kitty.

Come here, Charlie girl.

Come here.

Come here.

That was sad.

You're telling me.

We finally get a cat and then we lose it? There he is!

- What's all this?

- Dude, you're a hero!

- I am?

- Yeah, you took down Bryce Jenkins.

Oh, the punch Hi, Gabe.

Hi, girl who's never talked to me before.

I'm Natalie.

I had no idea you were so brave.

Yeah, so what happened? How did it go down? Oh, guys, look, the truth is I was just really tired Of of Bryce's attitude.

So I decided enough was enough.

That's when I brought the hammer down.

This is the hammer.

These are the nails.

Ooh Bob's Bugs-Be-Gone.

Yeah, sure.

What's the problem? Ants in the kitchen ewe, that's gross! Yes, I am new.

How did you know? Okay, um I'll have somebody call you.

Just in the meanwhile Go to a movie or something.

Just get out of the house.

- Hey, Teddy.

- Hi, Beau.

What are you doing here? Uh, well, my dad's having me help out and answer phones while he's training you.

So Are you trained yet? Because this is kinda boring.

Excuse me, I gotta take this.

Hey, Julie, listen.

I can't talk right now.

I'm at work.

Yes, I got your text and your e-mail and your text about your e-mail.

Hey, can you hold on a second? My boss needs to tell me something.

Beau! Get over here! We have an emergency.

Look, I really gotta go.

Okay, I will.

I promise.

Okay, bye.

Thank you.

No problem.

So, who was that? Julie, my girlfriend back in Tennessee.

She's having a hard time with the long distance thing.

Yeah, that can be tough.

It's her again.

Voice mail.

You are at work, right? Bob's bugs-be It's for you.

Toby, where's your train? Oh, he didn't get one.

I just gave him the box.

You gave him a box for his birthday? Yeah.

After five kids you learn they're always more excited about the box.

I see.

So is the train still available or? Honey, I'm so glad you're here.

I need your help.

Have a seat.

I need you to help me come up with some ideas for Charlie's preschool party.

The objective here blow Debbie Dooley out of the water! Wow, mom, you kinda make it sound like a battle plan.

Oh, good.

That's coming through? The idea is We go first, we go big, we go loud.

When Charlie's part of the party is over, little Deedee isn't even gonna want a birthday.

Isn't that a little extreme? Well, it's just a goal.

I'm not saying we'll get there.

Okay, brainstorming time.

Mm, I have to warn you, brainstorming's not really my thing.

It's always sunny up here.

PJ, I have faith in you.

Besides, you're the only one who's home.

Okay.

Throw out some ideas.

Just give me something.

What you got?

- Um

- Kid's birthday party.

- Going big.

- An elephant.

- Little smaller.

- A baby elephant.

- Good! - You like the baby elephant? No.

It's good that we're getting the bad ideas out of the way.

Uh, Gabe, there you are.

- Bryce is looking for you.

- He is? Yeah.

He wants to talk to you.

Yeah, well, tell Bryce I'll be right here waiting for him.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Hey, I thought you and my dad weren't coming back until later.

Yeah, well, there was kind of an incident.

I set off a bug b*mb and then I got a text.

And then he answered the text rather than say "You have five seconds, Bob".

Again, I'm really sorry, Mr.

Duncan.

Hey, a little poison never k*lled anybody.

Oh, yeah, it did.

Um, you know what? I'm gonna go home and get cleaned up.

Let me guess The text was from your girlfriend? Yeah.

This is getting to be too much.

Now it's affecting my job.

Well, if it's any consolation, it's not much of a job.

That's it.

I gotta break up with her.

And this time it's gonna stick.

This time? I tried to break up with Julie before I moved here.

But as soon as I started, her eyes got all misty and her bottom lip popped out.

Next thing I know I'm making her a mix tape.

Well, good luck.

I need help.

From you.

Me? What can I do? You can pretend to be Julie.

I'll try and break up with you, and you try and talk me out of it.

Ooh, hey! Lucky for you, I do an amazing southern accent.

That really won't be necessary.

Howdy, Beau.

How's your mama and them?

- Teddy, I don't

- Teddy? Who's Teddy? I'm Julie, the flower of the south.

Or maybe you can just be there to support me when I break up with her.

Quietly.

With no accent.

All right, sugar.

Let me know if you change your mind.

Okay.

But I won't.

Okay, dry run for Charlie's party.

Let's take it from the top.

Ladies and gentlemen, you've seen her at one, you've seen her at two, again at three and now Charlie Duncan Is four! Is four!

- Great.

- I should have sunglasses.

Ooh, nice touch.

We'll get those.

Okay, once she gets to the center of the room, you go for the big finish.

Let's talk about our understanding of "big finish".

I'm still waiting for my glasses.

Okay okay, this is good.

But is it enough? I feel like we need one more thing.

Hi, hon'.

A clown.

We need a clown.

No, it's okay.

Not life-threatening.

But thanks for the concern.

Oh, no no no no.

You're not tracking that stuff through my house.

How else am I gonna get cleaned up? Charlie, honey, take your father to the backyard and hose him down.

Come on, daddy.

You know the drill.

Duncan! Hey, Bryce.

I've been looking for you.

Hey, that is the first I'm hearing of that.

There's something I've been meaning to do.

Okay, just get it over with.

Dude, I'm not gonna hit you.

I just wanna thank you.

For what? I'm not the toughest kid in school anymore.

What a relief.

I'm free to be me.

I can finally join the Book Club, take modern dance.

All the things you used to b*at people up for.

- Ironic, huh? - Yeah.

I wouldn't wanna be you, though.

Now that you're the toughest kid, everyone's gonna want a piece of you.

That doesn't sound good.

Here's a tip make sure the nurse knows your blood type.

Oh! Ow! - Oh, he punched me! Noah punched me! - What? Noah Nixon's now the toughest kid in school! Glad that's over.

Just stay strong.

You can do this.

- Hey, Julie.

- Hi, darling.

Hey, look, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Have you been getting my messages? Because the girl who answers the phone doesn't seem very smart.

Look, I've been thinking about this a lot.

Now that we're so far apart, it's tough, so - You're moving back home?! - No, I'm not moving back home.

Look, I'm calling to tell you that I think we should break up.

What? You're dumping me? I can't believe this.

Oh, come on.

Don't do that.

Not the lip.

Please not the lip.

- Okay, maybe we can make this work.

- No.

Julie, hi.

I'm Teddy.

Um Put the lip away, Sweetie.

It's not gonna work on me.

- Who are you? - I work with Beau.

I take the messages.

And I happen to think I'm very smart, but maybe that doesn't come across over the phone.

- Are you trying to steal my boyfriend? - No! No no no no no.

Not at all.

We're just friends.

In fact, I just went through what you're going through.

A long-distance relationship that didn't work.

Until we both decided that we had to make a tough choice.

We had to be mature and let each other go.

Who are you again? Look, I know it's hard now, but you're gonna be okay.

You got a lot going for you.

You're pretty, you seem nice and you got that cute southern accent.

You really think I'll be okay? Absolutely.

Hey, and, uh speaking of southern accents, I don't mean to brag, but I happen to think I do a pretty good one myself.

- Would you like to hear it? - No, thank you.

- But I appreciate you making this easier.

- Okay.

We'll y'all have a real good Oh.

And she's gone.

I can't believe it.

I did it.

Well, we did it.

I feel so much better.

I can't thank you enough, Teddy.

I'm glad I could help.

I should probably Get out to the job.

Yeah.

And I I should Get back over here.

Okay, everybody.

Kids, it's time for Charlie's super-incredible Amazing party! And the other one.

Okay, Charlie, this is your big moment.

Let's see the wave.

Remember, swivel the wrist.

It's like screwing in a light bulb.

Okay.

It's go time.

Mom, wait.

Look.

Deedee looks sad.

- She sure does.

- Yeah.

It's really bringing me down.

Excuse me, honey.

Could you move out of the doorway? Grand entrance coming through.

Can Deedee ride in the car with me? It would be the right thing to do.

No no no no no! This is not about doing the right thing.

This is about winning.

Think about what you're teaching Charlie.

And I mean her, not the cat.

Okay, fine.

I always hate this part.

May I present to you Charlie and Deedee! The birthday girls! Wave, Deedee, wave.

Thanks for including Deedee.

- That was nice.

- Oh, well, you know me.

Always taking the high road.

That's one way to go.

Here's another.

Hey, everybody.

I've got a special surprise for Deedee's birthday.

Look outside! Oh! A baby elephant! I knew that was a good idea! Come on, everyone.

Elephant rides on the playground! Well, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing.

Yeah.

That's true.

Why don't I feel better? I'm proud of you, mom.

Thanks.

Yeah, I got nothing.

Well, I'm gonna go use the restroom and then I'll help you clean up all this.

- Okay.

Thanks, honey.

- Mm hmm.

Woo-hoo! Well, Charlie, you'll always remember your fourth birthday.

That's the one where they couldn't get PJ off the elephant.

I missed it, though.

I was at dad's office breaking up with Beau's girlfriend.

So, now he's single.

Why did I smile when I said that? Why Why am I still smiling? Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Dinner! She hasn't put that thing down all day.

In this corner, weighing in at six and a half pounds, everybody's favorite, baked chicken! And in this corner, it's the lean, green fighting machine Salad! Tonight's meal will be refereed by Applesauce! Wish us good luck, Charlie.

Okay, Charlie.

Make a wish.

Charlie! You bring your brother back right now! Okay.

Thank you.

Now, I am going to give you one more chance young lady.

And this time make it a nice wish.

Charlie Duncan, that was very naughty.

Do you wanna go where mommy is? No.

I I was just I was just wondering if you wanted your presents.

And Toby's presents.

And anything else that you wanted.

We're gonna get along just fine.