04x16 - Bob's Beau-Be-Gone

[bunniefuu]

[Music] Howdy, Duncans.

- Hey.

- Hey, Beau.

- Morning, Sweetie.

- Hi.

We got a big day ahead of us, little B.

I'm looking forward to it, big B.

Oh.

Good.

They have nicknames.

Yeah, I guess we should get going.

Taking down a hornet's nest today.

Ooh.

So that's the excitement I feel in the air.

Oh, hey.

Got a surprise for you.

I am gonna let you hold the fogger.

Permission to hug you, Sir.

Oh, bring it in, little B.

- All right.

We'll see you guys.

- See you girls.

See ya.

I think your father really likes this one.

I know.

It concerns me.

Well, I should probably get to school.

All right.

Have a good day, little T.

You too, big A.

[Rock music playing]

Today's all burnt toast running late and Dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

[Music] [Sighs] Emmett, we gotta pay our rent.

Again? What is that, like every month now?

- Yeah.

- But I don't have the money right now.

Well, that is very irresponsible.

Especially since I don't either.

- Well, what are we gonna do?

- I don't know.

But if we can't pay the rent on this place we're gonna have to move back home with our parents.

Well maybe you can, but that's not an option for me.

Why not? My parents moved and they won't tell me where.

- Well, what if you want to see them? - Oh, we meet at a neutral location.

But I have to leave first so that way I can't follow them.

Well, if we're having trouble paying the rent, maybe we could get a roommate.

You mean like somebody else that would live here? That's what a roommate is, yes.

Well, that's a great idea.

That way we'd each only have to pay one third of the rent.

Wait, did I do that math right?

- Like I'd know.

- [Chuckles]

[Video game sounds]

- Oh, watch out for that cyborg.

- I see him.

- [expl*si*n]

- Got him.

You are ruthless.

I love it.

- I get it from my Grandma.

- I still love it.

[Sighs] Hey, kids.

Something wrong, Mrs.

Duncan? Oh, here we go.

Well since you asked.

See, I'm a local television personality.

I appear on "Good Morning Denver".

And the flood gates are open.

But they haven't had me on lately, and it is really getting me down.

Is it over for me? While I still have so much left to give? You know, that's a really good question.

Maybe Dad knows the answer to that.

Dad! Here comes Mom.

Yeah yeah yeah.

It's all about the Green Grocer.

He's the flavor of the month.

I think he just got lucky with that "eat a zucchini, wear a bikini" line.

Oh, my Grandma saw that segment.

And then she bought some zucchini.

She's not thinking of A bikini? Oh, I don't think so.

Stay on top of that.

I actually have a segment coming on tomorrow.

It's my first one in weeks.

But will it be my last? Dad, these questions from Mom are piling up! Oh well.

If it is my last, I guess the good news is I get to spend more time with my kids.

What's your segment about? Okay.

It's about entertaining the little ones and also getting your housework done.

What I do is I fold towels into whimsical animal shapes.

A lot of it is visual.

- Here, want me to show you? - Sure.

Okay, great.

I just made one.

You'll love it.

What is wrong with you? I thought you said you were ruthless.

With cyborgs.

- This is your Mom.

- What's the difference? Ba-bam! It's a swan! Do you want me to show you how? Come on, guys.

I've got a basket full of towels and nothing but time.

- Hey.

- Hey, guys.

Teddy, the most amazing thing happened today.

I saw my first camel cricket.

You know, this kid is a natural.

I thought it was a cave cricket.

Wow.

Well, I hope you turned to my Dad and gave him a big old "in your face!" Yeah, we don't do that.

We're a team.

Oh.

Well, unless we're getting att*cked by a skunk.

Then you're on your own.

[Grunts] A great exterminator and a great sense of humor.

Oh, stop.

Beau, honey, you got the job.

You can stop kissing up and start making fun of him like the rest of us.

What do you mean? It's just, you don't have to pretend to be fascinated with all of this exterminator stuff.

But I really am fascinated.

I could see myself doing this as a career.

Seriously? Yeah.

Um today I was in the crawlspace, right?

- And I found this big old spider

- Beau Beau As my Mom always says, what happens under the house stays under the house.

- All right.

Well, I'd better go.

- Okay.

I need to get home and get showered.

That stuff we were using today is highly toxic.

Could you have maybe told me that before the hug? Yeah, you're probably gonna have to shower too.

Sorry, Sweetie.

- Hey.

Where's Beau? - Oh, he just left.

Without saying good-bye? Dad, you'll see him again tomorrow In some disgusting little enclosure.

I'm telling you.

That Beau is a great kid.

And who knows.

You two stick together, I could see passing the business down to him some day.

Dad, we haven't been dating for that long.

I know.

It's just This one feels special.

So I have an engineering degree.

Now I'm working on my masters in astrophysics.

Well, that's all well and good, Brian, but we have a pretty strict screening process here.

So let me ask you the big question.

Do you have $167? Yes.

Okay.

Follow-up question.

Will you have $167 this time next month?

- Yes.

- I think we have all we need.

I'm neat, I'm quiet.

And how do you feel about roommates who are neither neat nor quiet? That's fine.

I just need a place to live.

And did we ask you about the $167 already? A few times, yes.

Okay, Andy.

Thanks for coming over.

- We'll get back to you real soon.

- Great.

Well, seems to me the choice is obvious.

I'd say it's a no-brainer.

- I agree.

Good job, roomie.

- All right.

It's gonna be nice having a new roommate.

One more guy to help with chores.

- One more guy to help with shopping.

- And the best part is We can finally realize our dream.

Both: The human pyramid.

Okay, how does this sound? "Dear station manager Mama Bird's recent segment on towel animals was towel-rific".

What are you doing? We're writing letters to "Good Morning Denver" so they'll keep mommy on TV, and most importantly away from us.

What's a letter? It's an expensive way to slowly send an e-mail.

Okay.

We have 10 letters.

Okay.

Let's get these things in the mail so they'll arrive the day after Mom's story airs.

Amy: Charlie, I'm ready to play dress-up.

[Sighs] Coming.

This better work.

Oh.

Beau Jr.

You eat just like grandpa Bob.

And you have just as many teeth.

Yeah.

- Hey, darling.

- Hi, honey.

And baby boy.

You know, there's nothing I'd rather see after a long day of k*lling bugs than my beautiful bride.

Oh, you're cooking.

Yeah.

Isn't it funny how life turned out? I cook like my Mom, and you work like my Dad.

But other than that, me and him are pretty different.

You lose more hair today? Yeah.

But more came in on my back.

Oh.

That's nice.

You won't believe what happened at work today.

Is this gonna be a bug story? Yeah, it starts out as one, but then a feral cat comes into it.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Oh, honey, take your time.

I'm not going anywhere.

Ever.

There I was in the Johnson's crawlspace.

Ordinary Tuesday Or so I thought.

Yeah.

Until I saw the sawdust.

That always means termites.

Well, almost always.

[Shouts]

[Music]

Man, I don't think the place has ever been this clean before.

Yeah, that was a rough 15 minutes.

[Doorbell rings] Ah.

That must be our new roommate.

- Hi, guys.

- Hi.

Uh, what's Andy doing here?

- He's our new roommate.

- No, he's not.

Brian's our new roommate.

- Hey.

- I don't think so.

Guys, come on in.

We're gonna have a quick discussion out in the hallway.

- Not about you.

- Oh.

A little about you.

I thought you said this was a no-brainer.

Yeah, to pick the short guy.

He's the perfect top for the pyramid.

The pyramid will be higher with the tall guy.

Maybe we shouldn't have based everything on the pyramid.

I can't believe this is the first time I've been on TV in weeks.

It's not right, Mom.

It's just not right.

Okay.

Here we go.

[Music playing]

Rhonda: Good Morning, Denver.

And good morning, Phil.

Phil: It's always a good morning when I'm with you, Rhonda.

I've got to say, I like Phil and Rhonda.

Behind the scenes, those two can't stand each other.

No! Yes.

Gabe, Phil and Rhonda used to be a couple.

That is until Rhonda decided to give the Green Grocer a squeeze.

Phil: We're getting word now of some breaking news.

Let's go live to I-70, where our news chopper is following a high speed police pursuit.

What? No, we want to see Mom! Gabe.

Honey, relax.

It's okay.

I'm on towards the end.

As long as this doesn't go on too long, we'll be fine.

Phil: This is now becoming one of the longest car chases in Denver history.

Oh.

This is bad.

This is really really bad.

What's wrong? Well, tomorrow the station's gonna get a bunch of letters saying how much they loved Mom's story which isn't on.

This is bad.

This is really bad.

Is this chase still on? Yes.

Somebody! Pull him over, flatten his tires.

We want to see towel animals! Gabe, honey, it's okay.

We'll get through this.

If they don't put my segment on today, they'll put it on another day.

No, it has to be today.

Phil: Looks like he's pulling over, and he's putting his hands up.

Guess this chase has come to a peaceful ending.

Yes.

Finally.

Rhonda: Well, we have time for one more segment.

And we saved the best for last.

So let's hear from everybody's favorite, the Green Grocer.

Both: Oh, come on!

[Doorbell rings]

- Hey, darling.

- Hey.

- How are you?

- Uh I'm okay, I guess.

I had this crazy dream.

It was the future, and we were living here.

You inherited my Dad's business and you were telling these crazy bug stories.

That's funny.

And you were bald.

That's not funny.

Listen, can we sit? I got something I need to talk to you about.

Yeah.

What's going on?

[Sighs] Ralph Hughes d*ed.

Oh no.

Who's Ralph Hughes? I don't know.

Well, I'm really glad we sat down for this.

No, I mean I just never met him.

He was the exterminator back home in Hollow Rock.

Which means there's a job opening for an exterminator and it's mine if I want it.

Oh.

My Grandma called.

She said if I take this job and come home, she'll pay for me to go to college at night.

So what are you saying? Are you going back to Tennessee? I don't know how I can turn this down.

Look, I didn't want to say anything but I've been real homesick.

I like working for your Dad and all but Teddy The only thing that would keep me in Denver is you.

Look, Beau [Chuckles] I don't want you to go [Sighs] But I'm not gonna stand in your way.

So This is good-bye? Yeah, I guess so.

You're a special girl, Teddy.

I'm gonna miss you a ton.

I'm gonna miss you too.

Hey, guys.

Why the sad faces? Now comes the hard part.

- [Bell dings] - Rotate.

Brian, you heard the ding.

After the ding, we rotate.

- I'm not done eating yet.

- I don't care.

Take it to the bathroom.

That's not sanitary.

And the system works.

Hey PJ, you mind trading me some bathroom time for some chair time? The system is ding, move, ding, move.

There are no tack-ons.

- Andy?

- Don't even look at me.

[Bell dings] Rotate.

Emmett, bathroom.

Why? I'm clean, I'm brushed and I don't have to go.

Not my problem.

We have a system.

The system's stupid.

I've seen the beginnings of three shows.

I don't know how any of them end.

Who's squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle?

I wasted half my bathroom time trying to fix this.

PJ, can I talk to you in the hallway please? Sure.

You guys keep moving on the dings, okay? We'll catch up.

- [Bell dings] - Rotate.

- This isn't working.

- Yeah, you're right.

We have to get rid of somebody.

- I pick Brian.

- I pick Andy.

Re-vote.

- Brian.

- Andy.

- Re-vote.

- No, man.

As I see it, there's only one possible way to solve this.

We're out of here.

Yeah.

We're getting our own place.

Well, two ways.

- I know it's hard right now

- [Whimpers] But there will be other exterminators.

No.

Not like Beau.

He was special.

You'll be okay, I promise.

You don't understand.

Nobody understands.

[Sniffles] I thought he was the one.

Well, this doesn't have to be good-bye forever.

You could video chat.

I don't know how to do that.

I'll teach you.

You will? Of course I will.

Come here.

[Sobs] Come here.

Why? I want to give you a hug.

I'm gonna need more information.

Gabe, I just got off the phone with the station manager.

Yeah, they received a whole bunch of letters about my segment that never aired.

And I know you wrote them.

- You do?

- Two things tipped me off.

One, you were acting really weird when you were watching the show.

And two, you were watching the show.

- And you're not mad?

- No, honey.

Just the opposite.

I can't believe you would go to all that trouble to help your mommy's TV career.

That's exactly why I did it.

In fact, the station manager was so impressed he wants me to do a segment on our relationship.

He he wants what now? It'll be all about how close we are.

I'm gonna call it "my baby Gabey".

We're gonna wear matching outfits.

[Chuckles] Are you for real, Mom? Or are you just messing with me or something? Why would I mess with my baby Gabey? Because the real reason you wrote the letters was to get me out of the housey wousey?

- Charlie told you?

- She sang like a birdy wordy.

Well, Charlie, Beau moved back to Tennessee.

And even though he's only been gone a few days, I already miss him.

Of course, not as much as Dad does.

Wow! A nest full of yellow jackets?! Whoa! Good k*ll, little B.

Beau: Yeah, well, I learned from the best.

Is Teddy around? Uh, nope.

No, not home yet.

Um, hey, listen.

Let me tell you about this black widow spider I saw today.

She had an egg sack on her the size of a softball.

Uh I guess my advice to you would be Date a guy who's afraid of bugs because if not Well Good luck, Charlie.

[Music]

[Gruffly]

What are you supposed to be? A towel lobster, obviously.

Huh! I'm not getting that.

Crab, maybe.

Well, what are you supposed to be? I'm obviously a towel elephant.

And a pretty good one.

Really? I'm getting more anteater.

Could you guys keep it down? Who are you supposed to be? A towel.

And proud of it.

I don't need all the bells and whistles.

Hear that kids? It's okay to just be who you are.

[Exhales]

[Towel screaming]

How do you like who you are now?