06x01 - Nothing Ever Changes Around Here

[bunniefuu]

["THE PASSENGER" BY IGGY POP PLAYING]

♪ I am the passenger ♪

♪ And I ride, and I ride ♪

♪ I ride through the city backsides ♪

♪ I see the stars come out of the sky ♪

♪ Yeah, they're bright in a hollow sky ♪

♪ You know it looks so good tonight... ♪

[ENGINE REVVING]

♪ I am the passenger... ♪

[TIRES SCREECH]

[SIREN WAILING]

♪ I look through my window so bright ♪

♪ I see the stars come out tonight ♪

♪ I see the bright and hollow sky ♪

♪ Over the city's ripped-back sky ♪

♪ And everything looks good tonight... ♪

Oh. [CHUCKLES]

- What can I do for you, Officer?
- Know why I pulled you over?

Yes, I wasn't paying enough attention to the road, and I apologize.
I've got a lot on my mind.

This is... my last night in LA.

Wait.

I know you.

Probably. I used to work for the LAPD.

Is that right?

Oh, yes. Crime-solving devil.
It was great fun, but that's over now.

- Since the w*r.
- You were in the sandbox?

LUCIFER: Uh. More of a football stadium. A month ago.

Fought against my brother and his host of angels for the throne of Heaven.

- It was all very biblical.
- Did you win?

Well, I won, but not without having to fly to the Silver City to save my girlfriend, burn up, prove to myself I was worthy, stop burning and...
Yeah, anyway, long story short, now I'm the Big Man.

So, I just pulled over God?

LUCIFER: Well, not quite. I still have to ascend to the Silver City and sit on the throne.
I do that tomorrow.

Hold on a minute.

I do know you.

You're the officer who likes to drive fast with his siren on.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, I was afraid you wouldn't recognize me.

Ho-ho-ho! Man, I am so glad I'm running into you again.

I have to thank you.

I hope you bought yourself something pretty with that money I gave you.

Oh, I sure did.

Got that sweet foxtail for my bike antenna right there.

I got that and, uh, like, a ton of cocaine.

- Oh.
- Yeah. Oh, man, it is liberating.

Chasing my desires like that changed my life.

Marvelous. Well, that's the kind of personal touch

I hope to be scaling up as ruler of the universe.

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't all good.

You know, I, uh, I got in trouble at work a lot, so I will be riding that bike for the rest of my career.

And my wife left me.

She took the house.

You know? But my new house is a boat! Yeah.

A lot of great characters down by the marina. Whoo!

Man, do they like to drink. [SIGHS]

Do they?

Anyways, I am so glad that I got to thank you.

Well, you are more than welcome.

Hey.

You got any more of that money, like last time?

Oh.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[MAN VOCALIZING]

LUCIFER: Well... hello, Chloe.

[LAUGHS] Still not used to you calling me that.

LUCIFER: Well, don't you like it?
CHLOE: No, I love it.

[CHUCKLES] Shall we?

Yeah.

LUCIFER: Can't wait to show you this.

[CHLOE LAUGHS] Can't wait to see it.

[MEN AND WOMEN CLAMORING, APPLAUDING]

Believe it or not, this is the world's only private club for magicians.

Apart from the one that I started with Rasputin. The Romanovs were furious.

Yeah, Dai Vernon.

- Do you know who Dai Vernon is?
- Mnh-mnh.

- The Professor. Doesn't matter.
- Mm.

Dai Vernon challenged a young David Copperfield to a drinking contest at that bar right there.

- [LAUGHING]
- [LUCIFER SIGHS]

. I refereed.

Really? Who won?

Well, me, of course.
Couldn't help myself.

[HESITATES] Oh, my gosh.
I don't believe it.

- Look, over there in the corner.
- Hmm.

[LUCIFER] That is Jon Armstrong, one of the greatest card magicians in the world.

- Oh.
- This way.

Oh! Uh, be on the lookout for secret passages.

- Shh!
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know, I've always wanted to come here.

- And you do look amazing.
- Thank you.

You know, magic for our last night?

Well, what could be more magical than magic?

I don't know. Isn't magic just a little goofy?

LUCIFER: Goofy? It's skill, cunning and deception without telling a lie.
What's not to love?

- [MAN] Coming through.
- [LAUGHING] Oh, hello.

] So, like, everywhere you look, there's a puzzle to solve.

LUCIFER: No, we're not gonna solve anything.
- Oh!

LUCIFER: When you know how the tricks work, it ruins everything.

Thank you, Bones.

- Have you lost weight? [CHUCKLES]
- [BONES CACKLES]

- Shall we?
- Yeah.

I mean, Lucifer, you really expect me to hang out here all night surrounded by mysteries and not try to figure out how everything works?

Chloe, you are a truth-seeker. That's what made you a great detective.

But me, I'm a wonder-seeker.

You seek wonder?

LUCIFER: Well, also dr*gs, debauchery and now certain extinct whiskeys but yes, so tonight you are just gonna have to enjoy the wonder with me.

- Cheers.
- [CHLOE] Hmm. Oh.

- So I understand, tomorrow...
- Mm.

... you'll become God and then know how everything works, right? No, I think it's very sweet that you wanna spend with me your last night of wonder.

[CHUCKLES] Right, yes. About that. I was thinking on the drive over, do we really need to start tomorrow?

LUCIFER: [CHUCKLES] I mean, we're having so much fun. Grandma Penelope's heart's grown three times the size thanks to her time with Trixie. Why don't we just extend our vacation a little longer?

Well, I mean, yes, we're having fun, and it's been great, but you've already pushed the coronation once.

And I mean, don't we have to get up there?

Well, eventually. It's not like the sky's gonna fall in on itself or anything.

- [BELL RINGING]
- Are you sure?

- Because I feel like if we...
- Mm! Mm-mm-mm.

Hold that thought. It's starting.

- Come on.
- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

[LUCIFER] This is why we are here tonight.

The final show of Magnar the Magnificent. [CHUCKLES]

This guy. His act looks like a hundred years old.

One hundred and twenty, to be precise.

The first Magnar created one of the most flawless acts in all of magic, then he handed the mantle down to his protégé.

And it's been handed down ever since, and tonight in a super-exclusive show...

It's being handed down again.

- You just can't help yourself, can you?
- [LAUGHS]

[WOMAN] Mr. Morningstar!

Right this way.

Oh. Cannot wait.

Thank you.

And for this... my final act on stage...

[AUDIENCE GASPS]

... I will literally conquer death and emerge resurrected!

[AUDIENCE GASPS]

[GASPING CONTINUES]

- She's locked it.
- Hmm.

[AUDIENCE GASPING]

[GASPS]

- [AUDIENCE GASPS]
- Oh! [CHUCKLES]

[GASPING CONTINUES]

[LAUGHING]

So, obviously, there must be some mechanism in the box so that it...

Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Chloe, please! We're not solving any mysteries tonight.

Oh! [LAUGHS]

Resurrection!

[LUCIFER GASPS]

[AUDIENCE GASPS]

Oh! [LAUGHS]

He's good, isn't he?

All right, everybody, just... stay calm and try not to touch anything.

This is an active crime scene now.
We have everything under control.

Poor Magnar.

Still, at least he d*ed knowing his illusion was never revealed.

- [KNOCKING]
- Do you hear that?

Is that coming from inside the box?

- [POUNDING]
- [MUFFLED SHOUT]

You said not to touch anything.

What? No, open it.

[POUNDING, MUFFLED SHOUTING CONTINUE]

What the hell is going on?

Magnar! He's done it again!

Erika, how could you miss your cue?

But if he's alive there, then who's that?

Oh, God.

Jared Holbrook.

My protégé.

So, this is how the trick is performed?

You stay hidden in the box, and then he emerges here dressed as you and takes your bow?

[MAGNAR] Yes, he's hidden in there the entire time.

- We show the audience it's empty.
- [LUCIFER HUMMING]

Uh, the interior is actually painted to give a false sense of depth.

[CONTINUES HUMMING]

Are you all right, my boy?

He just does not like to hear how the tricks are performed.

No, I most certainly do not, but I'm sure that there's more that I remain blissfully unaware of.

- No, that's pretty much it.
- Oh.

So do you know of anyone who would wanna hurt Jared

- or anyone who was angry with him?
- [MAN] Whoa!

Don't say anything else, Dad. I'm a lawyer.

My father doesn't have to answer any of these questions.

Alan, you're an entertainment lawyer.

Not now, Dad.

Well, no worries there because we're not actually the police, right, Chloe?

No. Currently, no, we're not.

Well, then I'd appreciate my dad not being harassed with questions until the cops do arrive.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [ELLA SHOUTS] I can't believe it!

Six weeks of dragging my bag to Lucifer-and-Chloe-less crime scenes and now, boom!

You guys are witnesses. Oh, this is so amazing! I mean, hmm...

Horrible way to end a date and, you know, horrible for the dead guy, but not horrible for me.

Or does that sound horrible?

It's nice to see you too, Miss Lopez.

Aww, it must be weird being on the other side of things for once, huh?

- [LUCIFER] Hmm.
- Takes a little getting used to.

- Yeah, that's for sure.
- [HUFFS]

So how are things going with, um, Carol?

Good. I mean, he's no you guys, but...

Miss Decker, Mr. Morningstar, it's funny to see you here. [CHUCKLES]

Good to see you and no need to be so formal.

Any friend of Dan's is...

you know.

I'm glad you could transfer in.
The department's in good hands.

Yeah, I mean I have big shoes to fill, Dan's and yours.

But thank you so much for securing the crime scene, keeping everybody calm.

Not sure I even have to work this case, between you and Ella. [CHUCKLES]

[LUCIFER CHUCKLES] Lucky for us you do, which means Chloe doesn't have to be a detective anymore,

I don't have to have magic ruined for the rest of my life, and we can still make the : show in the parlor, so if you don't mind...

You know, I bet we probably have to hang here because we were witnesses to the m*rder, right, Carol?

[CAROL] Yeah, unfortunately she's correct.

I'm gonna have to get your statement before you can be released.

That's fantastic news.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

♪ Mug after mug of alcoholic substance... ♪

[LINDA]: All right, so who wants to be tickled by Satan's Whiskers?

- [MAZIKEEN] Ooh!
- [LAUGHING]

[LINDA]:There were no "Queen of Hell" themed cocktails. Couldn't find the right pun.

That's okay. I've been tickled by those whiskers before.

Me too.

[LAUGHING]

Well, you two are made for each other, aren't you?

Oh, yeah. Cheers, you guys.

- [LINDA] Oh.
- Cheers.

Wow, you really went all out, Linda.

[LINDA]: Yeah, well, it's not every day that my best friend and her girlfriend depart this mortal plane to rule Hell.
- [EVE] Mm.

So, Eve, have you, um, ever actually been there?

Mnh-mnh, I have not.

But what an amazing adventure, huh?

From Heaven to Hell and everywhere in between. [LAUGHS]

And this time, I'll have the best partner with me.

[AMENADIEL] Are you ready to leave tomorrow? I mean, I'll be free to fly you down right after Lucifer's coronation.

Hell, yeah, I'm ready.

My Maziqueen's gonna to rule that throne.

I'm gonna make you proud.

Subjugating scum, grinding my siblings under my boot. [CHUCKLES]

[EVE MOANS]

[LINDA]: So, Eve, have, um, you given any thought

as to, uh, what you'll be doing while Maze is ruling?

[EXHALES] I'm gonna support my girl in all her work.

She's gonna be the greatest queen ever.

[MAZIKEEN CHUCKLES]

That's great, but what will that actually look like for you?

Will you also be "subjugating scum"?

[CHUCKLES] I don't know, I mean... I'll figure it out when we get there.

Yeah.

- Huh. Okay. Uh...
- [MAZIKEEN AND EVE LAUGH]

[LINDA]: Okay, well, it's time for appetizers.
I made deviled eggs.

- [EVE] Ooh, yeah!
- Let's do that. [CHUCKLES]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Miss Lopez, when do you think we'll be wrapping up?

[SIGHS] I'm not sure.

I spoke with Magnar,

and he explained that for this particular illusion,

only one of the dueling sabers is actually sharp,

the one they use to cut the apple with on stage.

- But this one was also sharp.
- [EXHALES]

Which means the k*ller prepared it, totally premeditated.

Oh. Right, sorry, old habits.
Not your problem anymore.

No, now my problem is I know about fake dueling sabers.

I need this over and done with as quickly as possible so Chloe and I can continue our wonder-seeking date.

You guys are absolutely adorbs. I really do miss you.

Family business, I get it. You're in my prayers. For what that's worth.

What do you mean, for what that's worth?


I thought that was worth a lot to you, Miss Lopez.

Another crisis of faith?

Oh, no, that... that was so two years ago.

I... I definitely still believe.

It's just...

[SIGHS]

Uh, okay, this might sound absolutely crazy,

but lately, I've been praying a lot,

and it feels like nobody's listening.

Like the Big Guy's just not there or something.

I know. It's so dodo-headed.

[CHUCKLES] I mean, like, as if that could really happen,

right? No way!

[LAUGHS] Yes.

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- That would be dodo-headed.

So the act has a live chicken and a live butterfly.

This is all very helpful.

[CHLOE SIGHS]

Hey, I haven't seen you around here before.

I'm Keaton Call.

You probably know me from my Instagram account, BroMagic .

- I don't.
- Well, four million other people do.

Hey, if you wanna see the future of magic, check out my profile.

- Okay.
- Hmm.

Yeah, I'll definitely do that.

You know, if Magnar had made me his apprentice would still be alive.

Not saying that my work saves lives, but... [LAUGHS]

So you know Magnar?

- Hmm.
- Huh?

I was his apprentice before Jared.

Yeah.

Damn, Jared.

That could've been me getting stabbed,

if I hadn't discovered social media.

My problem is I'm an innovator.
I see the future.

All these other old fogies, they're stuck in the past.

Meanwhile, my phone is blowing up. AGT, Vegas.

[CHUCKLES] Magnar's climbing in the coffins. I'm on a rocket. Yeah.

Wow, Magnar must be really jealous of all your success.

You walking away and blowing up while he stays a small, insider act.

Magnar, nah. He...

Look, a lot of people are jealous of me, of course.

Are you kidding me? [LAUGHS]

Not Magnar. Magnar's a sweet old man.

- Me and him are still tight.
- Hmm.

At his pre-show ritual with him tonight, we had a Magnar Mai Tai, the usual.

- [LAUGHS]
- Oh.

So you saw him arrive?

How close to showtime does he have that drink?

He goes from the car to the bar stool to the curtain.

Always has.

Hey, I really dig how into talking to me you are.

It kind of feels like we're already dating.

I mean, we're already accessorizing alike.

What?

Have a good night.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

- Uh, can I talk to you a second?
- Uh, sure, yes.

Uh, can you excuse me for just a moment?

What's up? Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, so I think I have an alibi for Magnar.

Another magician was with him

from the time he got here until the start of the show.

You really need to talk to him and see if...

Did you already talk to him?

I'm so sorry. You're a good detective, just ignore me.

- I'm pretty okay.
- Mm-hmm.

Listen, I appreciate the help. I really do.

- But you don't have to stay. Okay?
- [LUCIFER SIGHS]

Don't let this ruin your night.
Everything is under control.

That is good news. I'm sure it's in very capable hands, Detective... you.

So, shall we, Chloe? [CHUCKLES]

- [CHLOE] Yeah.
- [ELLA] Hold up.

I just confirmed. Jared was k*lled sometime in the last two hours.

And no one's left since then.

So you should keep holding everybody.

And that door's the only way out.

Well, except for the secret passages.

No, that is a myth.
We talked to everyone.

Which means the k*ller is still in the building.

Locked room mystery, you guys.

So, who's up for an all-nighter?

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- [GASPS]

Jared was about to inherit, from what I understand,

is a pretty legendary role in magic.

Did that create any jealousy?

Jealousy?

What, of Jared? Are you kidding?

It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

And your relationship with him,

would you say it was free of conflict?

Mm-hmm. Jared was a great collaborator.

He was talking about helping me develop my own stage show.

I've heard Jared described as "well-liked." Would you agree?

Jared wasn't just well-liked, he was respected.

Hell, even I can't deny the guy had chops.

I've heard he was set to cash in

on some big Netflix series about Magnar.

And this is your first time here?

First time. Yes, yes.

[GASPS] Wait. Is there anyone else new here?

Is that a clue? No, not that it's my place to, um, ask anymore,

but is it?

So let's just start with what you were doing

before the event this evening.

Oh, that's easy.

I was bribing a motorcycle cop.

You were bribing a police officer?

Indeed. Not for the first time.

If you ask him, I'm sure he'll corroborate.

He's a bit of an over-sharer.

And up until recently, you consulted for the LAPD?

- Mm-hmm.
- You also claim that you're the Devil?

Was the Devil.

God now. Well, nearly.

Tonight's event was a pretty intimate one. How did you get an invite?

I've been a member here since it first opened. [CHUCKLES]

In .

Sounds about right.

And how old would you say you are again?

Well, time works very differently in Hell, so...

probably have to go with ageless.

He's just sensitive about his age.
Even I don't know the real number.

And just out of curiosity, um, how are you with swords?

Oh, a bit rusty.

Although I did recently defeat a Yakuza boss in a duel.

And I did s*ab a man through the heart once.

Well, that is quite the coincidence.

'Cause that is exactly how Jared was k*lled.

Fascinating.

Though I used a demon blade, this was a sword.

So not really relevant, I suppose.

It was all very complicated.

Best not to dwell.

♪ Bring out the Devil in me ♪

Hey. What did you say in there?

The truth. It's what I always tell everyone. [CHUCKLES]

I know, and I love you for that,

but because of what you said to Carol,

that you're his number one suspect now.

What? That's absurd.

I'd never k*ll a magician.

I mean, a mentalist maybe, but not an artist like Jared.

Well, I know that, and you know that,

but Carol, he's by the book.

He's not gonna let you off on my word alone,

so I really think there's only one thing we can do.

Go home, have sex, fall asleep

and never think about him again? [LAUGHS]

No, solve this case on our own.

What?

[CAROL] Your alibi checked out.

Yeah, motorcycle cop called and confirmed your story.

[LUCIFER] Ah.

- Really?
- [CAROL] Yeah.

I mean, he's been suspended now, but you're no longer a suspect.

Well, that's... that's great.

Carol, I just got some really juicy gossip.

- Well, it's actually a clue.
- Hmm.

God, isn't it just so interesting

how there's always so much insider-y drama,

no matter what the industry?
Even the toy industry,

- they have spies.
- Toy industry.

Give us one second, please.

- Ella. What's the clue?
- Oh.

Right, so, the club books rooms in their hotel for its acts

- when they come perform.
- [CAROL] Right.

But assistant Erika didn't get booked in her own room.

- And...
- Really?

... when victim Jared ordered room service, it was charged on Erika's...

- Her credit card.
- ... credit card.

So they're having an affair that she didn't disclose to me.

- May be time to talk to her again.
- Think so.

- Thank you.
- Sure.

Wow.

This is just fantastic.

I mean, look at this, everything is so elaborate,

and it actually got me thinking. [SIGHS]

This is what I'm going to do.

[CHUCKLES] What? Go way too hard on food puns?

No. Dinner parties. Just parties of all kinds. You know, like I did in the Silver City. You could rule Hell, and I could run the social calendar.

I can meet everyone, and I can, you know, just, um, bring in all the happiness and fun and good times.
You know. [SNAPPING FINGERS]

Hell could definitely use some of that.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Honey,

who are you going to bring fun to?

The tortured, damned souls?

Uh, yeah.

[LINDA]: Well, it's not just damned souls, right?

It's your siblings too, Maze.

That's right. That's right, thank you, Linda.

I get to hang out with your family. Amazing!

Yeah. No. They're walking-talking garbage.

I'm keeping you far away from them.

[EVE] So...

just so I'm clear, what is it that you picture me doing exactly?

Just cleaning and cooking for just you?

'Cause that sounds incredibly lonely, Maze.

[MAZIKEEN] I'm not enough for you?

Not at all. Don't twist my words.

You always do this when you're angry.

[MAZIKEEN] You're telling me I make you feel lonely!

I mean, how twisted is that?

I'm joining the police force!

- What?
- [AMENADIEL] Yeah.

I've been in the police academy for a while now,

and it's, uh, going well.

Dan's parting gift. He put the application in for me.

That's great. But we should get back to Maze...

[MAZIKEEN] Why the hell didn't you tell me?

I guess I just wanted to see how,

you know, everything was gonna work out first,

and... and honestly,

I thought that you would do nothing but make fun of me.

Oh, I will.

This is the greatest gift you have ever given me.

[SOFTLY] Thank you.

- [SIGHS]
- You're welcome.

Congratulations. I'm so happy for you.

Go ahead. Tell us all about the academy.

- [MAZIKEEN] Mm-hmm.
- [AMENADIEL] Oh, well...

Erika, I'm a little confused.

You neglected to tell me that you were in a relationship

with the victim.

Well, it's not that confusing.

I didn't tell you because it makes me look bad.

Why would it make you look bad?
Everyone I talked to loved Jared.

Yeah. Right.

Mr. Popular?

With the guys, maybe.

I don't know if you know this, but magic is a huge boys' club.

I really thought Jared was different.

I thought he saw my talent.

He made you promises, didn't he?

Jared told me that he would produce my solo act.

But once Magnar made the decision to retire,

suddenly Jared wasn't talking about my career anymore.

And that is why you thought it would make you look bad.

Angry sidepiece, tossed away as soon as the dead guy hits it big.

You're gonna tell me that doesn't look bad?

- What are you doing?
- [GASPS]

He thinks it's her.

I hope it bloody is so we can finally get on with our date.

No, something isn't adding up. I can feel it in my gut.

Well, maybe your gut hasn't been receiving its emails,

but the rest of you is retired.
This is Carl's job now.

Carol.

- What?
- Carol.

Really? Ew.

Lucifer, he's got the wrong person.

We have to solve this, or an innocent woman might go to jail.

Oh.

Ella, did we get any physical evidence off the body?

Oh, actually, I can't really get into that right now.

Ugh, Decker, this is k*lling me, but you're not on the team anymore.

Miss Lopez makes an excellent point.

We are here seeking wonder, not truth. Remember? Uh... Ooh!

Look, that man just pulled a card out of nowhere. Wondrous.

Oh, did you check the victim's clothing

for any secret compartments, pockets, anything?

Right, because it's not just about checking

for normal dead-guy stuff.

It's about checking for magician dead-guy stuff.

Oh, man, I could totally do a panel on this

at the next Forensicon. Brilliant!

[CHLOE] Nice.

You're really helping with this investigation, aren't you?

Well, it's like you said. I'm a truth-seeker.

Chloe, I know you miss being a detective, but we're at a different stage of our lives now.

Well, are we? I mean, you just told me

that you've delayed the next stage again.

Look, this isn't easy on me either.

I'm starting a new day job, in Heaven, and the commute daily, alone.

- Understood.
- Right, and all I'm trying to say is that

I just think that there might be some deeper reasons

behind these excuses

and that maybe we should talk about them.

- 'Cause you can't put this off forever.
- [ELLA] Bingo!

- Sort of.
- [CLICKS]

I found a bead.

Tucked up in a secret pocket, like you said, up in his sleeve.

But Magnar's costume doesn't have any beadwork on it,

so maybe this is just part of a trick?

No. It's not magic.

It's good police work. I think we may have cracked the case.

Uh, care to clue in the actual police person on what that means?

No? Cool.

- [LUCIFER SIGHS]
- Huh?

Miss Lopez, a question.

I don't have a thing for Carol at all. I don't think he's cute.

- That wasn't the question.
- Oh.

When you said you didn't feel God's presence anymore...

I mean, is that such a bad thing?

Uh, yeah, dude.

I mean, being ever-present is God's whole thing.

That's what makes the Big Guy the Big Guy.

He's always there.

Right, but surely he can't be always there. [CHUCKLING]

I mean, doesn't God have personal matters to attend to?

The odd round of golf or spending time with loved ones?

That's the best part.
He's not like you and me.

We are all God's loved ones.

And no matter what he's doing,

the only thing, the only thing that God cares about

is caring about us.

Not the only thing.
He did quite like NCIS.

[ELLA] It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done,

if you are Mr. Rogers or some sleazeball Internet troll,

he is there for everyone.

Or at least, he's supposed to be.

- Indeed.
- [SIGHS]

We're already accessorizing alike.

What's that on your wrist?

[GASPS]

Yeah, what is that on her wrist?

[HESITATES]

We found a bead from one of your bracelets on Jared's body.

Your actual bracelet. Not one of the cheap, plastic handouts.

What are you talking about?

Maybe you lost it in the struggle?

Whoa, chill out, Nancy Drew.
Why would I wanna hurt Jared?

I already told you I didn't wanna be Magnar.

Wonderful. Can you please?

- Ugh.
- Thank you.

When in Rome. Tell me, Duran Duran...

what is it you truly desire?

I...

I wanna be Magnar. [GULPS]

Do you?

Uh... [HESITATES]

Okay, fine, I've always wanted to be Magnar, but...

[SIGHS] ... the truth is I'm not cut out for the stage.

Do you know how many viewing angles you have to cover?

Instagram, man, it's way easier.

You just set up the camera in the perfect angle,

do it as many times as you need, let the likes pour in.

Oh, so, I see. You weren't a good enough magician to be like Magnar.

Hey, hey, I'm a great magician...

on Instagram.

You know what?

[CHUCKLES] That's okay.

You know what? You should've thought of that before you k*lled Jared.

Turn around. You're under arrest. Turn around.

[CAROL] Miss Decker!

Can I talk to you for a second?

AMENADIEL: So Uncle Hanjobadiel, the angel of giving, left us with the gift of a $ , plumbing bill.

- [LAUGHING]
- Oh, my God.

Well, that's just the kind of thing that happens

when you have hundreds of celestial family members.

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, Eve. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject.

I know how complicated it is between you and your family, Maze.

It's complicated enough when humans meet their partners' families,

but when it's celestial, it's so much bigger.

It really bothers me that you don't want me spending time

with your family.

[LINDA]:Maze, it's important to discuss these issues.

And it's important to eat this ice cream t*rture cake

- before it melts.
- I don't want to talk about Hell!

- Maze.
- Linda.

Amenadiel.

- Linda.
- Stop.

I don't wanna talk about it because I don't wanna go!

You don't want to go to Hell?

Look, I hate to disappoint you.

I know how excited you are for me to be queen, but I like it here.

[LAUGHS] I don't wanna go to Hell either.

[LAUGHS]

I just thought going home would make you happy.

I don't need to go home to be happy.

You're my Hell.

I love bounty hunting here.

It's so much better when they're still alive, you know.

You can really feel the fear. [LAUGHS]

Fear! I know. That's...
I love that part too.

And I love what we do after even more.

- [MAZIKEEN] Yes!
- [EVE LAUGHS]

Yeah, I love you. I love our life. I could do this forever.

- Forever?
- Yeah. I could marry you tomorrow.

Okay.

Uh, I mean, not tomorrow, but...

uh, yeah, hell, yeah. [CHUCKLES]

- [GASPS]
- Did we just get engaged?

- [GASPS]
- [EVE LAUGHING] Oh, my God!

[BOTH LAUGH AND SHOUT]

[EVE LAUGHING] Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God. Oh, I love you.
- [MOUTHS] Thank you.

Aww.

[CHATTERING]

Miss Decker, with all due respect,

I cannot have you tampering with this investigation.

Mm-hmm, and with all due respect,

I think I just found your k*ller for you.

- He had motive, opportunity...
- And an alibi.

He was performing magic for several women

during the window of time of the m*rder,

and they all have the bracelets to prove it.

Right. Well, I don't think it's Erika.

I saw her body language when you interrogated her.

She was sad, resigned, but she wasn't angry.

I agree. And she also has a bracelet.

Miss Decker. Chloe.

I am in a tough situation here. Now, you and I both know that the k*ller is still in this room,
but I have no clues, and I have no leads,

and I cannot hold everyone here

on the basis of suspicion alone much longer.

While I do not appreciate you running a parallel investigation

for the entire evening...

I would truly appreciate your thoughts now.

Oh, of course, um...

So if the k*ller isn't Keaton, the bead had to be planted.

The k*ller had to know how to get the right kind,

not the cheap plastic.

So it's premeditated.

- It's a frame job.
- [CHLOE] Right.

Which means the k*ller wanted to remove Magnar's current

and former apprentice too, but the question is why.

The Magnar name.
It's worth a lot of money.

I heard a lot of whispers about a media deal in the works.

But when I asked Magnar about it, he said he'd never sell.

He said Jared would never sell either.

[CHLOE] Wait, so if Magnar won't sell,

- and neither would Jared...
- [CAROL] Right.

... how did this deal get done?
I mean, who benefits?

Wait, what kind of law did you say the son practices? [GASPS]

- [ALAN] No, back up, buddy.
- [CLAMORING]

Okay, everybody.

Let's all stay cool.

[ALAN] Oh, cool? You know what's cool?

A billion dollar franchise is cool.

But no! Magic's not cool.
It's art, right, Dad?

Is that what this is about? Money?

It's about your legacy!
I was gonna help you

bring it into every home in the world,

but instead, you cut me out and anointed Jared

to honor the traditions and all that bullshit.

- [CHLOE] That's what happened with Jared?
- Mm-hmm.

He wouldn't play ball with your media deal?

Oh, the deal was done.

All Jared had to do was sign and cash checks. But not Jared!

He's just as stubborn as the last Magnar!

Wait. So you sharpened a sword that was supposed to be dull

and you framed Keaton 'cause you knew that he'd be next in line?

And because of his media savvy,

you knew he could make a deal of his own?

[ALAN SHUDDERING]

This is all your fault.

Every bit of this is your fault.

You and your selfishness!

[LAUGHS] Selfishness?

All you ever cared about was your own greed and desire.

You are the one who's selfish.

He doesn't care about the consequences and look at what you've done!

You are not worthy of your father's legacy!

[CAROL] Think about it, Alan.

Just drop the Kn*fe. You know there's no way out of here.

- [CHLOE GASPS]
- That's where you're wrong.

I may not be a magician...

but I grew up here.

- [CHLOE WHIMPERS]
- No! No!

- [CAROL] Damn it.
- [LUCIFER] No! No!

Find me something to pry this open with!

[ELLA] Oh! That door! Now! Hurry!

[DOOR BREAKING]

[CAROL EXHALES]

Chloe!

Chloe!

Chloe!

If you harm one hair on her head, I swear I will break every...

[GRUNTS]

- What...
- [CHLOE PANTING]

[BOTH GASP]

[LUCIFER] Amenadiel's necklace.

You kept it.

[CHLOE] It helped me survive an angel-demon w*r,

so I thought it might come in handy again.

[SCOFFS] So, just to be clear, you were never actually in danger,

and you could've gotten away at any moment.

[CHUCKLES] Well, we needed a confession.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Once the detective, always the detective. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

[LUCIFER] To being right.

Because I solved the case?

No, because I was right about the secret passageways.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought I put that in my safe with Azrael's blade.

- Yeah. You did.
- Hmm.

I shouldn't have taken it.

Why did you?

[SIGHS] It's kind of hard to explain.

After so many years of being a cop and walking around every day armed, I just felt weirdly naked without a way to defend myself. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it without asking you.
You can have that back.
- [SIGHS]

Well, as much as I enjoy the mental image of you walking around weirdly naked...

- [CHUCKLES]
- ... you should keep it.

Especially since we'll be here on Earth a little longer.

Lucifer, I heard what you said to Magnar's son.

And you have to understand, you are not the same as him.

- [SCOFFS]
- You are worthy of your father's legacy.

This isn't so much an issue of worth.

It's... [INHALES]

... more an issue of job description.

God needs to be selfless. He needs to care about all of humanity.

[HESITATES]

You... you d*ed for me. What could be more selfless than that?

Well, you see, that's just it. I love you, Chloe Decker.
I'd do anything for you. Except give you up. Give us up.

What do you mean?

Well, much as I claim to know what will happen to me

when I become God, I don't. I'm scared. I'm scared of... what it'll mean for us.

Well, I'm not scared. - I love you too, Lucifer Morningstar.
- [EXHALES]

And I have faith that you'll figure this out.

- You do?
- Yeah.

So... [SIGHS]

... are we gonna talk about it?

Yeah, I know. [LAUGHING]

The hellfire queso was a disaster. [LAUGHS]

I think everyone was trying to be so polite about it,

but I saw Maze dump hers in the spider plant.

- We're not talking about the queso.
- No.

AMENADIEL: I mean how you spent the entire night

probing and prodding at Maze and Eve's relationship issues.

I was just encouraging them to work through some unresolved issues.

Uh-huh. And why were you doing that?

Because I'm a good friend.

And an even better therapist. I mean, you saw.

From almost broken up to engaged over a single dinner.

I mean... [LAUGHS]

I should put that on my website.

Linda, you are a great therapist, and you did help them.

You did. But you see, I wonder if some of that was maybe for your own benefit as well?

Well, maybe... you're not so bad a therapist yourself.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay, I admit.

I admit it, but after God himself has been on my couch,

it's very difficult to go back to normal problems.

It's like, "Okay, I'm sorry you slept with your yoga teacher, again."

- [LAUGHS]
- But I helped saved the universe.

So you thought you would get a rush from some celestial therapy one last time before they head south?

Linda.

[SIGHS]

Yeah, listen, uh... nobody understands better than me how earthly things can feel small.

I mean, I was a warrior angel, fighting for the Silver City, and now, I'm in training to be a b*at cop.

- Okay?
- [BOTH LAUGH]

But you wanna know what I've learned?

What?

[CLICKS TONGUE] No problem is too small.

Whatever good deed you do in the world, whether it's helping someone on your block, or...
I don't know, throwing some elaborate dinner party

for your friends...

you are just as much of a hero as you are fighting a w*r

for the throne of Heaven. Every act matters.

That's very insightful. But I don't know if I'm there yet. Or if I ever will be.

[WINGS FLAP]

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[DAN] Ooh!

- Out!
- Are you kidding?

- Yes, it is.
- That was totally in!

You were going for the head.
You were going here.

[LUCIFER] What's the score?

[DAN] Hey, there you are, buddy, what's up?

[EXHALES, RUBS HANDS TOGETHER]

What's the plan this time?

I'm... I'm sorry, Daniel. [SIGHS]

I can't think of anything new. I've just come to check in.

Check in? [CHUCKLES]

On what?

Nothing's changed.

I'm still in Hell. It still sucks.
Belios still sucks.

Ping-pong is not his game, dude.

- [LUCIFER SCOFFS]
- Hey. I'm getting better.

DAN: It's been almost a thousand years here, and you still can't keep a volley going.

LUCIFER: Daniel, I have commanded the demons to not t*rture you.

You are the first soul ever in this "purgatory."

[SIGHS] I've invented an entirely new afterlife for you,

so I apologize if Belios' serve isn't up to snuff.

It's more my backhand that's weak.

- [DAN SIGHS]
- [LUCIFER GROANS]

Look. I'm sorry.

I know you're the one stuck here.

You know, I've tried every door.

[LAUGHS] Hell, I even tried the one that guy Lee walks through.

Well, Lee's door was a metaphor for his own guilt.

I know it was a metaphor, Lucifer.

Right.

And I know that we're all tortured by our own guilt down here.

But you know as well as I do that I've dealt with all my guilt.

So why am I still here?

Why was that guy able to make it into Heaven and literally no one else? Why not me?

I don't know.

DAN: Well, it seems pretty simple to me.

Just stop screwing around and go be God.

- [EXHALES]
- Then you can just, like, beam me up.

Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, we have been through this.

If I act against your wishes, no matter how unconscious those are,
then that is the end of free will,

which I cannot do.

You know what, man? Every time you come down here, you give me hope.
And every time... you disappoint me.
You let me down.

[LUCIFER EXHALES]

You know what that is?

That's t*rture.

Daniel.

Don't come back here unless you actually have the answer.

As you wish.

[HUFFS]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Did you see that?

That's never happened before.

You think it means something?

I doubt it.

Nothing ever changes around here.

["DIRTY HANDS" BY KENDRA DANTES PLAYING]

♪ Look in my eyes, they lie ♪

♪ Went to Hell a couple times ♪

♪ I'm the joker, I'm the Devil ♪
♪ I'm a demon, I'm a rebel ♪

♪ I've gone mad, don't try to understand ♪

♪ I'm the joker, I'm the Devil ♪
♪ I'm a demon, I'm a rebel ♪

♪ I've gone mad ♪