06x04 - Pin the Tail on the Daddy

[bunniefuu]

[LUCIFER GASPING] Who are you?

I'm your daughter!

[PANTING] That's impossible.

And yet here I am.

[LUCIFER] I never met you before.

Well, I guess that's what happens when you abandon your child before she's even born.

- Did not.
- Did too.

- Did not.
- Did too!

[SPLUTTERS, LAUGHS] Okay.

Look, you can't be my daughter because angels can't procreate.

Amenadiel did.

Not helping, Daniel.

Lucifer, look me in the eyes and tell me.

- [SIGHS]
- Tell me I'm not your daughter!

Will this little paternity test get you to holster these wings of death?

[GRUNTS]

[EXHALES]

Thank you.

[GASPS, PANTS]

Now...

[PANTING]

... can I get you a drink or a Xanax, maybe?

Oh! Fine, fine. [EXHALES]

[SIGHS] I don't believe this.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I'm sorry, but you can't be.

- Well, I am!
- Boo!

Look, I'm sorry that your father abandoned you. Truly.

I know how painful that is, but I promise you, you are not my daughter.

[GRUNTS]

You know what?

I'm actually glad you abandoned me.

[INHALES] Wouldn't want you to be my dad anyway.

[WINGS FLAPPING]

Who was that?

And how's it possible there's an angel I've never met?

I don't know, but you're welcome.

"You're welcome"?

Yeah.

So...

beam me up!

Oh, Daniel.

You know that I want to help you, but we've been through this before.

- That's not how it works!
- Yeah, I know.

I know it's all about my own guilt, but I figured it out, man.

You see, I was feeling guilty for betraying you to Michael, but I just saved your life, so even-steven. Huh?

Up we go!

Come on.

Why am I still here?

Well, you must feel guilty about something else.

[EXHALES]

Or maybe you actually have no idea how any of this works.

LUCIFER: As former ruler of Hell, and soon-to-be ruler of the full monty,

I believe I'm the only one who knows

- how any of this works.
- Really?

Well, you had no idea that you were able to bring me up to Earth, and yet here I am, in the flesh.

Kind of.

Of course I knew that. I just didn't think it was for the best.

So you did know?

And yet you still left me in ping-pong purgatory to return Belios' pathetic backhand for thousands of years?

Exactly.

Wow.

[INHALES] You know what, man?

You have no idea what's right for me.

You stay away from me.

Daniel.

[SIGHS]

- [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
- ♪ I can't get you out of my head ♪

♪ Can't get you out of my head ♪

♪ I gotta bury the dead ♪

- Chloe.
- Hi.

So, since we went to Hell, I've been thinking a lot about Heaven.

[CHUCKLES] Like, all night.

And since you're finally ready to become God

and I will be your partner up there, I have a few questions.

Do you have a second?

- I was on my way to see Amenadiel.
- Okay, so number one.

Time goes much faster in
Hell than it does on Earth, so is it the same in Heaven?
I mean, say I'm up there for a year.

How long am I gone on Earth, for, like, a minute?

And then number two, if that is the case,

would Trixie even notice if I'm gone for the day?

Because I've just been so nervous to talk to her about this,

you know, the Heaven of all of it.

And then speaking of teleportation.

- We were speaking of teleportation?
- Are you even gonna have time

to fly me up and down every time, or are you gonna,

what, blink your eyes and beam me up whenever you want to?

Why does everyone think "beaming up" is a thing?

Look, everything is going to be fine.

Like I keep saying, when I'm God, I will figure things out.

Okay.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I just, y-you know...

I have no idea what to expect.

As you know, when I get nervous, I investigate.

I know you do, Detective. [CHUCKLES]

But there's nothing to be scared about, I promise.

I'll be right there beside you.

Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES] I can't believe this is finally happening.

[CHUCKLES, GROANS]

What's wrong?

Well, I just need to take care of a little misunderstanding first.

What happened?

- Is it Dan? Did you find him?
- No, Daniel is...

He's fine. Um...

No, this is something else, which will be cleared up in no time,

and then we will be off to Heaven.

And we will figure things out together.

Okay?

Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

Brother!

Why haven't you answered my calls?

There has been a catastrophic miscarriage of justice.

Is this another excuse to put off being God?

No, no, this is about some rando angel

flying around, accusing me of being her father.

An angel that we don't know about. Describe her.

Well, I don't know.

Early s. Resting mean face.

Loves blaming others.

Combative, rebellious and says that I abandoned her.

AMENADIEL Hmm. Sounds like someone I know. Maybe she is your daughter, Lucy.

Ha-ha! Do I need to remind you that angels cannot produce offspring?

And need I remind you of your nephew?

[GROANS] Well, that's different.

You subconsciously wanted to get closer to humanity,

so you lost your powers and made a baby. A human baby.

This girl's an angel, and I may do a lot of sinful things,

but incest is not on the list.

Well, you have certainly slept with plenty of humans, so...

Wait a minute.

If you made an angel child with one of them, then...

then perhaps there's still a chance Charlie could grow up to be an angel. Maybe his wings will pop out at puberty!

Oh, yes, the three signs of puberty. Acne, pubes and wings.

Can we focus on my problem, please?

Yes, yes, yes, okay.

Well, Charlie appears to be growing at a normal human rate.

So I think we can assume that your half-human baby would do the same.

So, the only way that you could be this girl's father is

if you were on Earth around years ago when she was conceived.

And had sex with a woman.

I just assumed that every time you were on Earth

you had sex with a woman.

Not always a woman, brother.

True, true.

Well, were you on Earth in the late ' s?

Of course not.

Who wants to visit the ' s?

Frosted tips? Dial-up? Creed?

Oh, hang on.

Hang on, I did pop up to celebrate the end of the ' s.

Falcons/Broncos Super Bowl, ' , Miami.

Epic party. Lots of bodies, very few clothes.

AMENADIEL: It's starting to sound like congratulations are in order.

Keep the champagne corked, brother.

She is not my daughter.

♪ I'm feeling that ♪
♪ Rum-dig-a-dum da-dum dum da-di-da ♪

♪ Love how you vibe on it ♪

♪ Rum-dig-a-dum da-dum dum da-di-da ♪
♪ Like a song on repeat ♪

Hey, Daddy.

No, that's where you're mistaken, buddy boy.

I am here to prove that I...

am nobody's daddy.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ My head is in the clouds ♪
♪ That's where I stay at ♪

♪ I'm never coming down ♪
♪ It's just my place, yeah! ♪

♪ No, you can't touch me now ♪
♪ From outer space, yeah! ♪

♪ I'm never slowing down... ♪

Wait, so nobody can see me?

Hey!

What's up, everybody?

So no one can hear me?

Can you hear me? Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

This really sucks. [PANTING]

[SIGHS]

Ella. Yes!

If any human can see me, you can.

You're the most spiritual person I know. Yes!

Ella! It's me.

It's Dan.

Can you hear me?

Ella!

[SHOUTS] Can you hear me?

Ella!

Dan, is that you?

Wait, can you smell me? [GASPS, SNIFFS]

[EXHALES] You recognize my Axe body wash?

Is that what it is? This is great!

This is great! I'm right here, look!

- Smell that, come on!
- Oh, man.

ELLA: Not only does this report say

that you are just a regular old bullfrog

with zero traces of the supernatural,

you are also stinking up my lab,

Dan.

- [FROG CROAKING]
DAN: [SIGHS]

Thanks for the false hope, buddy.

And just so you know,

she only named you "Dan" because she misses me.

[CROAKING]

Can you see me?

Hey.

- [CHUCKLES]
- I feel it too, little guy.

My sixth sense? Off the charts.

It's like an M. Night Shyamalan movie up in here.

I don't know what's going on,

but I'm gonna figure it out.

[GASPS] It's me.

[CHUCKLES] Ella, it's me!
That's what you're sensing.

I'm right here! Ella, come on! Please!

But first, you, my slimy friend, are in serious need of a spa day.

Whoo!

Ella.

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- [CHLOE] Linda!

Yes, hello.

Linda.

[CHLOE AND LINDA] Hi!

Hey, has Lucifer stopped by?

Um, I haven't seen him.

Is everything okay?

[CHLOE] Oh, um, yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure it's fine.

He just had to run a little errand

before we start our new job in Heaven.

You're worried he's putting it off again?

No, but it's a little weird he hasn't returned my texts or calls.

I mean, I'm nervous about the God thing, so maybe he is too.

He's probably just off somewhere trying to deal with that.

It's just, he hasn't done this since...

February , .

Mm-hmm.

When he disappeared to Vegas and married Candy Morningstar.

Mm-hmm.

But what are the chances he'd run off to Vegas

and marry a stripper twice?

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, but maybe... maybe what you're really worried about

is maintaining your hard-fought level of communication and trust.

Yeah, I mean, our relationship, our partnership has come so far.

I just... I just don't know

why he wouldn't just tell me what he's up to.

Well, you're both past the point of guessing games.

Why don't you ask him?

Right. Yes, I can... I'll just find...

Find out where he is, and, yeah, I'll just ask him.

There's, um... [CHUCKLES] this app I have

that sort of just tells me where he is.

[CHIMES]

He's where?

[MAZIKEEN] So I just sent you the info you wanted,

but you gotta tell me what this is about.

Call it a finder's fee.

A young lady playing "Pin the tail on the daddy"

picked me as the ass.

Well, good thing you're sh**ting blanks,

or you'd have what, , Lucifer juniors running around?

Ten-thousand seems a tad superfluous.

Well, you did come down here for one night in the ' s

and managed to orgy it up with people.

It was Y K!

People were getting jiggy with it left, right and center.

[SCOFFS] Anyway, did you manage to locate the women

who gave birth to daughters nine months later?

Yeah, addresses for the four women are in your inbox.

Número uno is the only one still in Miami.

A dance teacher. Ana Christina Perez Del Rio.

Excellent.

All I have to do is verify that none of those women's daughters

are the girl that showed up at the penthouse, then it'll be clear.

There's no way that kid is mine.

Can't wait to watch the rerun on Jerry Springer.

Very funny.

- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [WOMAN] Great job!

Work it, work it!

More hips. Move those hips, come on!

Nice job.

[CHUCKLES] Yes!

Lucifer?

I never thought I'd see you again.
You haven't changed a bit.

Well, last time I saw you, you were a Denver Broncos cheerleader.

- Well...
- [LAUGHING] Oh.

- Yes.
- We need to talk.

- I do love a bit of salsa, on my chips.
- [LAUGHING]

I have missed your jokes. Mmm!

- And a lot of other things too.
- I'm sure you have.

People change. Except you, apparently.

Ugh. Well, I certainly hope I'm the same childless man

I was back in ' .

Don't lie. Is it good genes or Botox?

Immortality.

You should check out our next class.

- I'm here on business and not pleasure.
- Oh.

Is this your daughter?

Kind of hard to tell.

How about now?

What are you playing at?

Well, I'm trying to prove that your daughter isn't also my daughter,

so if you wouldn't mind showing me a photograph or a picture...

No need to worry, Lucifer,

I always triple-checked my IUD before an orgy.

Lovely, I'm sure you did.
Irrespective of that, uh, a picture?

Uh, or a tattoo. [SCOFFS]

Thank me. I'm not the dad.

One down, three to disprove.
I'm not the father. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS] Well, she looks refreshingly unfamiliar.

Thank me, I'm not the dad!

[WOMAN LAUGHS]
I mean, yeah, you? A father?

That'd be disastrous.

I beg your pardon.

You're not the sticking-around type.

No offense.

Offense taken.

I'd be a great father, thank you very much.

In fact, I'm about to be World's Best Dad

to seven billion people. So...

Hmm, well, if you wanna be a dad so bad,

maybe there's still time.

My divorce just finalized,

and I'm ready to party like it's .

I... I'm sorry, but I'm not that same male slut

that you had sex with many, many times that night.

I do stick around these days.

Eliza, what are you doing? I told you, I've evolved! [CHUCKLES]

Lucifer!

You haven't changed at all.

[SPLUTTERS]

- Chloe!
- I can't believe

you were halfway across the country,

and you didn't even tell me.

- I thought you were better than this.
- Better than what?

Than running off again.
What'd you marry her too?

I'm just here to prove she's not the mother of my illegitimate child.

CHLOE:Child? What child?

[SIGHS] Look, a young lady broke into my penthouse,

acting like the devil's spawn and claiming to be one, to boot.

- But angels can't...
- Exactly.

- Except Amenadiel because...
- Right.

So the woman who came to see you...

Is deeply confused, precisely.

Hmm?

- So, we're all good now, right?
- No.

CHLOE: No, we're not all good.

All this talk about being partners.

Why would you keep this from me?

I didn't see the need to upset you.

- I'm not upset.
- [GLASS CRACKS]

Well, your super strength is suggesting otherwise.

Look, I am sorry. I should have told you.

Just promise me, no more secrets, okay?

Absolutely. I promise.

[INHALES] Good news is,

there's only one woman left on the list, so...

What list?

Uh...

- Lucifer, are you still here?
- [MAZIKEEN] Oh, no.

This is giving me, like, generic demon bounty-hunter vibes.

I wanna feel special.

[SIGHS] Oh, Maze! Thank God.

I have been looking for someone to talk to all day.

I mean, I went to visit Ella.
Of course, she couldn't see me.

But I mean, you can see me, right, Maze?

Maze?

Maze.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

Dan the stupid frog can see me, but you can't.

Can somebody please, please just tell me the rules?

Mnh-mnh. No, way less peg on the ankle, Milan.

I don't wanna look like Dan.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, yes, that would be a tragedy.

Poor guy.

His pants were always so tight.

DAN: That's all you have to say, huh?

The first time anyone said anything about me since I got back,

except to name a stupid frog after me, is to take a dump on my fashion sense?

Well, you know what? I am glad you can't see me!

And another thing!

Everybody knows that LA is way too hot for leather!

- Lazman hazeh. Mazel tov.
- [BABY CRYING]

- [ALL] Mazel tov!
- [MAN LAUGHS]

I haven't been to a bris since little baby Sigmund's.

- Really?
- Yes, the mohel made a Freudian snip.

- [CHUCKLING]
- [BABY CRYING]

So Maze said the last person on the list works here?

Hmm. Esther Barnum. [SIGHS]

And there she is.

Well, a rabbi. I can see why you two would have a special connection.

Hmm?

[CHUCKLES] No, our special connection

lasted about very shallow minutes.

I doubt I even made an impression.

Lucifer!

- Oh.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

I have waited years to tell you how much you changed my life.

- [CHLOE] Oh.
- Uh, for the worse?

[CHUCKLES] No!
You left a mark on my soul.

Oh.

You're the reason I became a rabbi.

Oh. Because I brought out her deepest desires.

[LAUGHS] It could've happened to anyone.

Yes, it's lovely to see you again, Esther.

Um, if you wouldn't mind showing us a photograph of your daughter...

Not in a creepy way.

... then we'll be off.

Is this about Mira?

- Mira?
- You heard from her? Did you find her?

Um, did something happen to her?

She ran away, five years ago.

- I even hired a private detective.
- Hmm.

This is one of the last pictures I have of her.

Oh, well, that settles it.

I'll take "I am not the father" for please, Alex.

You barely even looked at the photo.

I don't need to, because the girl in my penthouse

had pink streaks in her hair,

heavy eyeliner, angry eyebrows.

- That sounds like Mira.
- It does?

She was always a troubled girl. Upset a lot.

- And she always wanted to dye her hair.
- Oh.

Why did Mira run away?

She was looking for her father.

And you named me as the unlucky chap?

To be honest, I don't know who her dad is.

- I was a different person back then.
- Hmm. Me too.

I tried to be enough for Mira, but...

she wanted answers.

Missing a child,

it's like missing a part of yourself that can never be replaced.

- [LUCIFER SIGHING]
- Well, as a mother myself,

I can't imagine what you're going through.

We will help you find your daughter.

Oh, absolutely. Uh, your daughter...

[INHALES] ... who definitely,

definitely isn't my daughter. [CHUCKLES]

[ESTHER SIGHS]

["NO SLEEP" BY KINDER PLAYING]

♪ On and on and ♪

♪ I love the things you do in the night ♪

♪ So we'll sleep next time ♪

♪ Streets are dead ♪
♪ Stores don't stay open ♪

♪ Eyes are red... ♪

DAN: Amenadiel.

You're an angel. You can see me, right?

Amenadiel! Please, come on, man!
I just want my friends back.

Amenadiel!

[EXHALES]

[SIGHS] This sucks!

- [EXHALES]
- Dan?

Dan, is that you?

DAN:Wait, you... [CHUCKLES] You can see me?

- Wait, did Lucifer bring you up here?
- No, no, no!
Some crazy, psycho, punk-rock angel did.

- Oh, I heard about her.
DAN:Yeah, man, she just left me here.

She left me here without explaining any of the stupid rules.

Well, what have you been doing, man?

I mean, have you... have you seen Trixie? Chloe?

No! No, no, no, man.

You know, I... I kind of wanted to figure out

what being a ghost really... really meant first, you know?

I mean, I didn't wanna give Trixie a coronary,

popping out of the bathroom mirror or something. [CHUCKLES]

Were you just studying police procedure? [CHUCKLES]

[AMENADIEL] Yeah.

Yeah, man, I made it into the Academy, thanks to you.

[DAN] What?

Yeah, it meant a lot to me, you submitting my application.

- [LAUGHS]
- Uh...

That's great, man. That's great.

Hey, I'm so...

I'm so sorry about getting upset with you before.

You know, I've been feeling so bad about the fight that we had

right before you...

d*ed?

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

I've been feeling bad about that too, man.

- That's why I didn't come visit you.
- Yeah, yeah.

You don't have to explain.

Really. It's okay.

[EXHALES]

- I love you, man.
- [CHUCKLES]

Right. You're a soul without a body.

Yep, and I guess only angels can see me.

[MAZIKEEN] What's up, Dan?

Wait, what? Wait, you can actually see me now?

Yeah, I could see you all along. Duh, it's me.

[LAUGHS] Damn it, Maze.

I might've figured this out earlier if you hadn't screwed with me.

Demon love. It's so confusing.

- Yeah. You should know.
- [DAN CHUCKLES]

Oh, man, I'm just so happy I can actually talk to you guys.

I don't know why Lucifer didn't bring you back, man, but it's...

it's great to see you, Dan.

Yeah, we really missed you, bro.

Oh, man.

I missed you guys too.

- Hmm?
- [MAZIKEEN] Aah!

[LAUGHING]

[MAZIKEEN] sh*t. Yeah.

- [CHLOE SIGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]

- Thank you for flying Lucifer Airways.
- [CHUCKLES]

Please ensure your table is in the upright position.

- I know mine is.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Huh. Hey, Lucifer...

um, have you flown anyone else before?

Only Maze.

Oh, and Amenadiel once.

He k*lled a goose with his face, Fabio-style.

It was the highlight of my day. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, if it's any consolation,

it's much more romantic with you in my arms.

Yeah, it's just, I've been thinking...

About other things we can try in midair? Yes, me too. [LAUGHS]

No, no, about how you've been keeping all this from me

'cause you didn't wanna upset me.

That's what I said, yes.

CHLOE: Okay, well, you know, it took you a while

to realize your feelings for me.

So, maybe way deep down

you know that you and Esther have a thing together.

I mean, it's looking pretty possible

that you actualized a child with her.

Mira is not my daughter.

Okay, but if you and Esther did have a thing, it's totally fine.

Totally okay. Not like I didn't have any relationships before you.

You know, I was... I was married to Dan.

So, just so you know, you can tell me about it.

LUCIFER: Right. Well, there has and never will be anything

between Esther and I, okay?

Okay, okay.

Well, then why do I feel like you're still keeping secrets from me?

What secrets?

[CHUCKLES] You know everything.

A young woman accused me of being her father and then rage-flew away.

What? She's an angel?
Why wouldn't you tell me that?

[GASPS] I... I don't know. I must have been distracted,

what with the death threats and Daniel coming back to Earth.

What?

Dan...

is...

is on Earth?

[SIGHS] Yes, but he's a ghost

so you... you can't see him anyway.

[SPLUTTERS, SIGHS]

Okay, I... I thought we were past the point of keeping secrets.

But you clearly cannot help yourself.

Why is that? I mean, I gave up everything.

I gave up everything to be your partner.

We are past keeping secrets.

Then why wouldn't you tell me that you have a daughter?

'Cause it isn't true!

I can't keep a secret if I don't know what the secret is!

But you keep keeping secrets!

[EXCLAIMS, SIGHS]

[PANTING]

Look, look, I know you're upset.

But right now I think we need to focus on why we're here, okay?

Yes, let's focus on why we're here.

Right.

So the PI that Esther hired

said that he'd heard Mira had worked here,

but the trail went cold.

So, let's find out why, shall we?

After you.

[SIGHS]

Hi, there. Excuse me, sir.
Have you, um, seen this girl?

No.

[CHLOE] Uh, it might have been a while ago.

I can't help you.

Well, she's much angstier-looking now. Uh, bits of pink in her hair.

Wings, apparently. [CLEARS THROAT]

We're told that she used to work here.

No.

Uh, what about at the diner?

No.

Well, could she have maybe have worked out there,

at the avocado stand?

No, I ran those dirty hippies out over a year ago.

Ain't seen 'em since. Good riddance.

If you've run out of questions, I'm busy.

Well, actually, Billy-Bob, I...

No. You know, we will take one of these.

And thanks so much for your time.

- I was just about to mojo him.
- I didn't wanna tip him off.

What are we tipping?

He said that he hadn't seen anyone from the avocado farm in a year.

If that's the case, then why is he selling this?

[LUCIFER] Holy guacamole.

He was lying to us. It's theirs.

Hide one truth, you're probably hiding something else.

Well, I wonder what that something else is.

Looks like we have some hippies to find.

[LUCIFER EXHALES]

[WOMEN CHATTERING]

Very Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, isn't it?

- [CHLOE] Hmm.
- Hello, there!

[WOMAN] Oh, go, go, go!

We're just looking for a young lady, about , years old.

Goes by the name of Mira.

We, um, have a photo of her here, if you wanna come take a look.

No one's in trouble. Promise.
We're just worried about her.

[WOMAN] Did you say Mira?

[g*n COCKS]

All right, I'm gonna grant you two seconds to get off my property!

I'd point that somewhere else if I were you.

You don't know who you're dealing with.

What, you cops or something?

[SPLUTTERS]

Well, actually, I'm about to be Supreme Being,

and she's about to be First Lady to all things.

If you ain't cops, get the hell off my land or I call the cops.

I'll call social services.

I'm sure they'd love to see what's going on around here.

Everyone's here by choice.

[LUCIFER] Is that so? Let's ask them, shall we?

Tell me, young lady...

what is it you desire?

- I wanna go home!
- Shut up! Get back inside!

[WOMAN SHOUTS, PANTS]

How dare you treat these children this way!

I've sh*t trespassers before. I'll do it again.

[EXHALES]

- [GRUNTS]
- [CHLOE] Lucifer!

Lucifer. [SHUDDERS]

Lucifer!

- Lucifer!
- [GASPS]

[CHLOE] Oh, my God, are you okay?

What, yeah? I'm fine, but... [PANTING]

... this Neanderthal has soiled my Di Stefano.

[EXHALES]

Oh, dear.

You don't still have Amenadiel's necklace, do you?

Oh! [PANTING]

- [SHOUTS]
- ["YOU AIN'T WOMAN ENOUGH" PLAYING]

[GRUNTING]

[MAN GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

Oh!

[SHOUTING]

Whoa!

- [GROANS]
- [SHOUTS]

[GROANS]

♪ 'Cause you ain't woman enough ♪
♪ To take my man ♪

- [EXHALES]
- [GRUNTS]

Now their parents can't protect them, so you'll have to deal with me!

Okay, Lucifer, put him down.

What did you do with Mira?
Did you hurt her too?

[SHUDDERING] She's not here.

- Then where is she? Tell me!
- [MAN SHUDDERING]

It's okay. We got him.

Then where is she?

We will find her.

We will.

Thank you.

So, most of the kids are runaways.

They were forced to work in the orchards.

They weren't able to leave or call their friends or family.

What's gonna happen to them?

[HUFFS] Be reconnected with loved ones or find safe homes.

[LUCIFER] Right. Well, there's no sign of Mira.

Perhaps she didn't end up here, after all.

[CHLOE] Yeah.

Um, this... this drawing...

[CHLOE] It's almost identical to the one in the photo.

Did Mira draw it?

Mira.

The girl that I'm looking for, did she draw this picture?

We don't mean Mira any harm, but she was here, wasn't she?

[EXHALES] Do you know where she is now?

Um, she met a guy online.

She ran away to be with him.

Oh, wonderful.

She goes from a cult to a relationship with an online stranger.

- I don't know what's worse.
- Uh, do you know the guy's name?

Um...

Rob Daniell, I think.

Mira mentioned something about San Francisco.

Okay, great. Thank you.

[LUCIFER] Thank you.

Oh, and...

if you need anything, anything at all,

just say a little prayer.

I plan to be a boots-on-the-ground type of God.

[EXHALES]

Great, thank you.

So, I have an address for a Rob Daniell in San Francisco.

Great. Shall we?

Well, actually, um... I'll send you the address,

but I think maybe you should go on your own.

You're not still mad about Esther, are you?

No, no, I... I thought you were hiding feelings for Esther,

but I saw you back there.

How you reacted. I...

I think I know why you were so scared. [SPLUTTERS]

You think that Mira might actually be your daughter, don't you?

Chloe...

I mean, what if she actually is?

That means I let all of this happen to her.

This is not your fault, Lucifer.
You didn't know.

Well, does that even matter?

What matters is what you do going forward, or what we do.

"We"?

If you go to San Francisco

and Mira is the girl who showed up at your penthouse...

if she really is your daughter,

we will figure this out together, okay?

As partners.

[BOTH SIGH]

I may not be certain of a lot right now,

but one thing is for sure.

I have never loved anyone the way I love you, Chloe Decker.

Go find her.

Oh, bloody hell.

Pervert.

What are you, ?

I don't know what's going on, but for the record, I'm .

- Where is she?
- Hey, get out of my house!

Mira!

- Mira!
- [WOMAN] Dad?

You're not the girl from my penthouse.

[SIGHS] Who are you?

Not Mira's father.

I am, and I'm gonna call the cops if you don't leave.

You're Mira's father?

Uh, I thought you were some basement-dweller,

catfishing young ladies on the Internet. [CHUCKLES]

[GROANS] Right.

[EXHALES] I... I owe you an apology. Both of you.

This has, uh, been an embarrassing mistake.

Uh, Mira?

Call your mother.
She's worried about you.

She is?

Hmm.

I thought about contacting her a million times,

but I was so angry when I ran away.

I said such awful things, I just...

I didn't think she wanted to see me.

She never stopped looking for you.

I'll call her today. [CHUCKLES]

Right. [CLEARS THROAT]

Wait. How do you know my mother?

Uh, there's a chance

I thought I might owe her years of child support

due to shallow minutes at a Super Bowl orgy.

- You must be Lucifer Morningstar.
- [LUCIFER] Hmm.

I spent years looking into the men who could have been my father,

and you're the only one I couldn't find.

Well, that's because I was in Hell.

Not exactly on Google Maps, is it? [CHUCKLES]

But I'm glad that you found your real father. The best day of my life when she showed up on my doorstep.

Well, not at first, to be honest. I thought I was being scammed.

Well, what changed your mind?
How did you realize that she was yours?

I think it was the first moment I looked into her eyes. [EXHALES]

- Just felt it in my gut.
- [CHUCKLES]

["DON'T LET ME GO" BY CIGARETTES AFTER SEX PLAYING]

♪ When I was young ♪

♪ I thought the world of you... ♪

[CRYING]

[CHLOE SHUSHING]

I miss my daddy.

[CHLOE] I know you do.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

♪ Don't let me go ♪

♪ Stay by my side ♪

♪ Don't let me go ♪

♪ Stay with me still... ♪

[DAN] Take me back.

Take you back where?

To Hell.

I know why you didn't bring me up here, Lucifer.

Seeing Chloe, seeing Trixie and not being able to hug them, it's...

it's worse than Hell.

[SIGHS] Just please, please take me back.

Daniel...

I'm so sorry, but...

once you reached the mortal plane, you became intangible. I...

I can't carry you back, even if I wanted to. And I do, believe me.

So what, I'm just stuck here?

[HUFFS]

[SCOFFS]

I could k*ll the stupid angel who brought me up here.

Don't blame her. - She was just looking for me.
- Yeah, to k*ll you.

No, I'm not sure she knows the whole story.

And neither do I, for that matter, because if I'd known she existed,

there's no way I...

Well, let's just say I know better than anyone what it's like to grow up with an absent father.

Wait, are you saying...

Lucifer, are you saying what I think you're saying?

When I stared into her eyes...

it was...

it was so familiar.

Like I knew her.

Like I...

Like I knew her.

I don't know how it's possible, Daniel, but... she's my daughter.

[EXHALES] W-Wow, this is...

That's great, man.

[LUCIFER EXHALES]

Congratulations. I... I... I mean, having a daughter, it's...

[SIGHS] it's the best.

I think I may well have screwed my chance

of making things up with her by...

[INHALES] ... acting like an utter d*ck.

Yeah, but you gotta try, man.

I mean, if there's one thing that...

that I've learned coming back is that...

you gotta take advantage of the time you have with your kids

before it all goes away.

And you're lucky because... because she's still out there.

Somewhere.

Go get her.

I will.

[CHUCKLES] I will.

Only problem is she could have flown anywhere by now.

[HUFFS]

[SIGHS]

[CHLOE] Night, sweetie.

[WIND WHISTLING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING IN THE DISTANCE]

Lucifer?

Dan?

[SIGHS]

[SHUDDERS, EXHALES]

[GASPS]

[PANTING]

Who are you?

[SIGHS]

Hi, Mom.

[SNIFFLES]

"Mom"?