You unlock this door with the key of imagination.
Beyond it is another dimension...
A dimension of sound... a dimension of sight...
A dimension of mind.
You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.
You think about that now.
You cannot run a business by standing still in a rut.
A business has got to progress.
You got to keep pushing and punching and prodding until it gets diversified.
That's the word, that's the key.
Coffee time.
A business must be diversified.
I was just telling them, Fred.
You can't run a business by standing still in a rut.
Just as variety is the spice of life, diversification is the key to success in business.
Now, you think about that now.
Well, I got coffee with cream, cream and sugar, sugar by itself, cream by itself and plain black, so I'm already diversified.
Now will you please get out of the way?
Mcnulty.
Mcnulty here.
Mr. Cooper would like to see you.
Hear that? Did you hear that?
Mr. Cooper would like to see mcnulty.
Know why Mr. Cooper would like to see mcnulty?
Because I have been feeding suggestions into that suggestion box for 11 months.
Did I say suggestions?
Wrong word.
Suggestions, any clod can make.
But dynamic blueprints for the future, only mcnulty can make.
You think about that now.
He's waiting, mcnulty.
Eleven months of suggestions about to pay off.
Say, you wouldn't be interested in having dinner, would you?
If I was starving to death and you were the last man on earth and it meant my survival, I might be, but I'm not, you're not, and it doesn't, so drift, mcnulty.
Submitted for your approval or at least your analysis:
One Patrick Thomas mcnulty, who at age 41 is the biggest bore on earth.
He holds a ten-year record for the most meaningless words spewed out during a coffee break.
And it's very likely that, as of this moment, he would've gone through life in precisely this manner, a dull, argumentative bigmouth who sets back the art of conversation a thousand years.
I say he very likely would have, except for something that will soon happen to him, something that will considerably alter his existence... And ours.
Now, you think about that now, because this is the twilight zone.
Mr. Mcnulty, do you know what I've been doing?
Yes, sir, Mr. Cooper, you've been going through the suggestion box.
I knew you would. I've been expecting it.
It takes a special kind of employer to realize that one of his men has got it.
Obviously mcnulty has got it.
Truer words, mr. Mcnulty, have probably never been spoken here or elsewhere.
Thank you, sir.
Yes, I've just gone through the residue of the suggestion box covering the past three-month period.
And here is one of your suggestions dated march the 13th.
"make hot dogs flat so that they can fit easily into a hamburger bun."
How about that?
You think about that now.
"make tin cans square
"so they can be stacked together more easily in garbage cans."
Isn't that a gas?
"put small pontoons in soldiers' field packs
"so that when they cross rivers they can get across by themselves."
That one is worth a million bucks.
The soldiers go into the water...
Mr. Mcnulty, cooper corporation makes ladies foundation garments.
It doesn't have anything to do with hamburgers, hot dogs, tin cans or national defense.
And not one of your 340 suggestions...
I repeat... not one of them has anything remotely to do with this company's product.
Exactly why I want to talk to you, mr. Cooper.
The key to a successful, modern business is diversification.
You think about that now.
I have thought about it... you're fired!
Baseball? Baseball is nothing.
Soccer is the fastest sport in the world.
In baseball, they change sides, back and forth, inning after inning.
The whole first period in soccer, they run, England, France, Spain, south America.
Soccer is the fastest sport in the world.
You think about that now.
Joe, you know those swinging doors they got in western saloons...
Why don't you put them in here then you can call this palucci's western saloon. How about that?
Yeah, how about that?
I'll have it done in the morning.
Great! When I come in I can think, "I did this."
How about that now?
Please, the ball game.
Home-run hitters mean nothing.
Come on, fella.
We're trying to watch.
As to the average long-ball hitter compared to a consistent clutch hitter with a good average, I'll take the latter every time.
Well, that's very nice of you.
It's an absolute fact.
Oh, boy, here we go again.
At no time has a home-run hitter led the league in batting.
Yeah?
Ted Williams won the batting championship and led the league in home runs in 1941, '42 and '47.
Exception to the rule.
Think about that.
The exception to the rule.
You know something.
There's a 10-inch television set in my sister's apartment that dates back to 1948.
She's got five kids.
The apartment's a six-floor walk up, and it's boiling hot.
But I'll tell you...
One thing that apartment don't have that makes it all worthwhile.
It don't have mcnulty.
Charlie, charlie, wait. Forget it, joe.
Shut it off. I can't take it.
Ah, you think about. Hear what I said?
The exception to the rule.
The exception to the rule.
Let me ask you something.
How come you're in here so early?
You've been there for three and a half hours.
It so happens I quit my job.
I went into cooper's office and I read him off.
Don't tell me.
You got canned.
Well, in a manner of speaking.
You might say... Yeah.
We mutually agreed I wouldn't work there anymore.
Joe, tell me something.
Wouldn't you think that after one year of putting ideas in that suggestion box, after one whole year, that I'd get noticed?
Let me tell you something.
Getting noticed and getting liked are two different things.
What do you know?
Nothing, mcnulty.
Not a thing.
Good night, joe.
Wait a minute...
All I know is that every night of every week of every month, except election day, you come in here drive everybody out of their skull walking on your lower lip.
Now, you think about that.
Will you think about that?
Ahhh..
What do you say?
I say...
"54, 40 or fight."
I also say "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" and on occasion, I will say, "it takes a heap of living to make a house a home."
Want another beer?
Thank you very much.
I would appreciate another.
Two more beers, bartender.
Two beers, big deal.
What's your name?
Potts.
That's not a bad name.
I was born with it.
Seems to me there was a third baseman who used to play for the Phillies named Potts.
Lou Potts? Phil Potts?
It couldn't be botts?
No, no, it's Potts.
Two beers.
You paying for this, mcnulty?
Because this guy just gave me his last dime.
This guy is my friend, Mr. Botts.
Potts!
And I'd appreciate a little respect from you.
I bet you would.
You getting respect from me is about as easy as flagging down a cab on 46th and Broadway at 8:00 on new year's eve...
In the rain.
Never mind... Drink up, pal.
What do you wanna talk about?
Want to talk about baseball?
It's the great American sport, and I am very happy Abner Doubleday saw fit to invent it.
Cheers!
To health, friend.
Down the hatch.
And now to thank you for your generosity, I have something for you.
It's a gift.
A small remembrance of our friendship.
What is it?
It's a stopwatch... an old family heirloom.
What do you do with it?
I mean, it doesn't keep time.
It's just a stopwatch.
That is a fact.
But it is yours. You may have it.
What'll I do with it? Stopwatch.
Well, someday you might own a racehorse or you might want to run the mile or launch an astronaut.
Well, goodbye, old pal.
Oh...
E pluribus unum.
Toodle-oo, beertender.
Beertender...
Nice clientele.
Your friend.
I wouldn't listen to my mother.
She wanted me to be a doctor.
No, I had to be a wiseguy.
Had to run a beer joint like this.
Well, you live and you learn.
Done for the night, mcnulty?
Everybody's gone, you happy?
You bored ten people to death.
You emptied my place like it had a smallpox sign out there.
Do me a favor...
Whenever you get the thirst, go to some other bar.
I don't feel much like going home.
I've seen the movie on the late show.
I've even seen the movie on the late, late show.
Sometimes I even wish I was married.
Do you ever get that feeling...?
Joe?
Joe. Hey, why you standing that way?
Joe? Hey, joe, say something.
You look like you were frozen.
I was telling you I was bored and this crazy gleep gave me this watch and I pushed it...
Another thing...
You make me nervous.
First, you bore people to death and then you make me nervous.
I make you nervous?
You know something?
You're the one guy that makes me wish they never repealed prohibition.
Something tells me this is a very unusual watch.
And another thing, mcnulty...
Mcnulty?
I'm over here.
No, that can't be.
I had too much to drink.
I need some sleep.
It can't be.
It works.
I push the button, I stop the watch, and I stop the world.
Good morning, wage slaves.
Make way for a free man.
Good morning, doll.
Oh, what's the suggestion this time, mcnulty?
If you don't have one, I've got one for you.
Why don't you jump off a bridge?
Honey doll, I have a product that is gonna put a dent in your eyeballs.
What would you say to a stopwatch that, when somebody pushes it, everything stops in midair, hmm?
Why don't you run away and get lost, mcnulty, or get to the point.
I already have.
Last night, I'm in joe palucci's bar, we're sitting around talking, when this funny gleep gives me this stopwatch.
I push this button...
This one right here...
And everything stops dead. Everything.
Think about that now.
Palucci drops a glass, but the glass stops.
Everything stops.
Palucci stops, trains, subways, goldfish.
Everything stops. Think about that now, hm?
Goldfish, too, huh?
That's the most amazing thing I ever heard.
Now, get out of here, will you?
Mm-mm. I came to see cooper.
It is time to diversify.
Oh, now, just a minute.
Mr. Cooper's in conference.
You're right... With mcnulty.
Mr. Cooper, I'm sorry, sir.
I fired you, mcnulty.
What are you doing here?
He barged right in.
Well, he can barge right out.
Listen, coop...
Coop?!
You can't afford to fire me because this time I've got the goods.
You think about this now.
You figure out how this stopwatch works, and you've got a million bucks.
Mcnulty, let me remind you...
We make ladies foundation garments, nothing else.
Now, do you hear me? Nothing else.
So I will give you 15 seconds to leave this room.
Now, get out.
Hey, Fred, cup of coffee for the lady, I'm buying.
I'll buy my own coffee.
If you're not out of this office in one minute, I'll call the police.
Is that so, honey baby?
It'll take more than the police.
You'll need the army and the navy.
How about that crumb?
He didn't even let me show him.
So what am I waiting for?
I'll just show him.
Operator, get me...
kitchie-kitchie-coo.
Kitchie-kitchie-cooper.
It's good for a laugh but there must be something else I can do with this thing.
I'll think about it.
The police.
Uh... Never mind, operator.
He's gone.
So you tell our advertising agents...
Hey, joe. Palucci, all you guys.
Have I got something to show you.
Well, that takes care of the game.
This thing is so great you're not gonna believe it.
Mcnulty, make it quick, huh?
You just pay attention.
Pay attention.
With this little gizmo, I can stop trains, tanks, subways, anything.
What about your mouth?
Ha, ha. Funny. Funny.
Listen, last night, I was at the polo grounds.
And right in the middle of ron hunt's slide into second base, I stopped the game.
Yeah, I stopped the game.
I left my seat, I ran down on the field, I grabbed second base, and I moved it 10 feet.
Come on.
Then I went back up into the stands, sat down and started the game again.
And hunt, instead of being out by 10 feet, was safe, and the mets went on to win the game because snider doubled him home.
That's not the only thing I can stop.
I can stop anything... watch.
Well?
Well, how about that now?
How about what?
Are you kidding?
Didn't you see what I did?
Out of the way. I want to get home, get some peace and quiet.
Wait a minute.
Fellas, fellas, wait a minute.
I'll put the game on again.
Oh, no...
Well, you done it again, mcnulty.
You emptied my place.
You drive more guys out of saloons than carry nation.
I get it. I get it.
Of course you guys didn't see... you were frozen.
I'm the only one who knows.
I'm the only one.
Huh. How about that.
The greatest conversation piece in the world... the greatest...
And what does it do?
It stops conversation.
I'm gonna close up in a few minutes, so it shouldn't be a total loss, you better order up.
Beer.
Beer!
Don't you ever order anything expensive?
Beer.
And drink it fast, will you?
"cause the combination of you, the hot weather, and my business recession is more than I can take in one day.
Give it time. Give it time.
Give me a heart att*ck sometime, will you, mcnulty?
Leave a tip.
Hey, palucci, come here.
Look at me.
What are you, some kind of a sadist?
You know what you're looking at?
A jerk, a nut.
You wanna stop there or try for moron?
Why do I want this thing? Why?
Because I want a little notice.
I'm not ashamed to admit that.
And I'll tell you something else.
When john d. Rockefeller steps out of a car, why do people want to shake his hand?
I'll bite.
Because he's loaded.
Because he's got cash, loot, lettuce, the old mazoo.
That's why people want to shake rockefeller's hand.
When j.b. Morgan walks into a restaurant...
J.p.
J.p. Morgan walks into a restaurant, the head waiter breaks his back to get a table ready.
Know why? I'll tell you why.
I figured you would.
Because he's loaded, that's why.
You think about that.
And then you think about this.
As of tomorrow evening, mcnulty is gonna be loaded.
Palucci, take a good look at the old mcnulty.
The next time you see me, it'll be the new mcnulty.
Why don't you go the whole route and move to Honolulu?
Tomorrow I'll be able to buy Honolulu!
May 1?
Thank you.
Oh, no.
Come on, everyone.
Move! Move!
Come on, everybody.
Up, up, move!
Do something.
Come on, everybody, say something.
Walk, hey!
Come on, everybody, move.
Hey, fellas, look, I didn't mean it.
I'll have it fixed.
Oh, please, come on, wake up.
Mr. Cooper...
Mr. Cooper?
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
Please, understand.
It's not my fault.
I didn't do any... Oh, no!
Please, say something.
Move!
Charlie, I'm sorry I bugged you.
Charlie, move.
Lady...
Joe... joe?
Joe, say something.
Do something, move.
Joe, insult me.
I won't come here anymore.
I won't make noise.
I won't drive people away.
Honest, joe, move.
You, mister, say something.
I'm sorry I took the money.
I don't care about the money.
All I want is to hear people say something again and to see people moving again.
Oh, doesn't anybody know how to make this thing work again?
Someone, help! Help me!
Please, somebody move!
Talk, say something! Help!
Mr. Patrick Thomas mcnulty who had a gift of time.
He used it and he misused it and now he's just been handed the bill.
Tonight's tale of motion and mcnulty... in the twilight zone.
And now Mr. Serling.
Next on twilight zone a gentleman of myriad talents and a story written especially for him.
Mr. Mickey Rooney appears in "the last night of a jockey."
He plays the role of a diminutive little man screaming for help in the bottom of a barrel, and the help he receives is unexpected and quite incredible.
On the twilight zone, a cast of one...
Mr. Mickey Rooney.
I hope you'll be able to be with us.