02x02 - The Power of No

[bunniefuu]

Excuse me, sir. Do you work here?

Barry, it's me.

It's Hank. I know it's Hank!

In a wig. I know you're in a wig!

Mr. Cousineau. Gene is in pain.

He needs time to process what happened.

Janice was m*rder*d.

I have come to offer you a proposition.

Sweet baby Jesus!

How can we not want to be in business with this, huh?

Esther is throwing complete monkey wrench into my relationship with Cristobal.

So you k*ll her. Classic crisscross.

That's not a crisscross.

Oh, thank God you're here!

Mr. Fuches...

You got a court order to take my DNA?

We just got a DNA match on CODIS.

Monroe Fuches. Cleveland.

Ohio!

Barry.

Barry. What?

Ground Control to Major Barry.

Are you listening, man?

That troll Esther is pulling fast one.

So Burmese come to America pretending to be persecuted Buddhist monks.

They ask government for the religious asylum, then live here in temple until they are clear from immigration.

Then, they join Burmese mafia.

Whole monastery is gateway for soldiers and dr*gs.

That's actually kind of a genius plan.

No. It's not genius.

She is not a genius, okay?

It's an okay plan. It's fine.

And I guarantee you, she did not come up with it.

I mean, look at her.

And look at Cristobal's face.

That is a cry for help.

So you get in there, you sh**t her in her crazy watermelon-sized head with... this.

My family sent it to me as thr*at.

Now, if it came back with Esther's blood on it, phew, massive fumble turnover for Hank.

Came back with her blood on it? What do you mean?

I don't know how... You want me to get the b*llet out of her head, is that what you're saying?

Yeah. I don't know how I'd do that.

That's not how b*ll*ts work. Okay, um...

Dummy's version: What if you sh**t her with a thick book behind her?

It'll go through her head, get stuck in book, you open up book, take out b*llet, simple. No, no.

It's so simple. That's not...

So you're saying is I need to get her to read a really thick book, and then while she's reading, I sh**t her in the back of the head, is that what you're saying?

Okay. Yeah. I see what you're saying. You see what I'm saying?

That's a hat on a hat, so... right.

Regardless, everyone has to know this is job done by Hank.

So, come on, take it.

Am I evil?

Huh?

Am I like an...

Am I like, like an evil person?

Oh, my God!

I mean, absolutely.

Do I not tell you that enough?

You are like the most evil guy I know, man!

You know I take no pleasure in k*lling people.

You know that, right?

Man, all this talking has made me hungry.

You know what I could really go for?

Yoshinoya beef bowl.

What the f*ck?

Hey, Loach. Ooh, look at that smile!

Is that your ex?

Who is that... Oh, that's the new guy.

He's cute. It must be weird, though.

You kind of want them to end up with a dog, right?

Mae, what did I tell you about coming in to my office?

To step out.

Um, okay.

Knock, knock.

I'm ready to go on that trip.

All packed. Cool. What trip?

Uh, to Cleveland to go interview that Fuches guy.

You're not going to Cleveland.

What? You can't go alone.

That would be a breach of protocol.

Look, Moss was my partner.

This is personal to me, and you have to respect that.

All right? I'm doing this alone.

Is that all you're taking, though?

Did your wife take all the luggage?

I'm sorry to tell you, but one of the twins smothered the other twin in the womb.

No... Why would God allow this to happen?

Maybe he only wanted us to have one child...

Hey. Hey.

...a girl.

What's going on?

Everyone was so jealous of your performance last class, that they wanted to share their own pain.

It's like competitive grief.

We'll name her...

Natalie.

Okay. Got him.

All right, I know you were just a fetus...

Right.

...but is this close to your experience?

From what I remember, yes.

Shh!

Okay, who's next? Yo, me, Antonio.

Oh, I cannot wait to eat this taco.

Oh, no, I spill hot sauce on my ankle.

¡Ay, Dios mío!

Eric... Eric, stop.

Doctor, will my leg be all right?

Your pit bull bit through your lower leg tendon.

Achilles. Achilles.

Your professional soccer career is over. I'm sorry.

Ay!

Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

Son...

Your mother and I want you to know we're getting a divorce.

It's not your fault. We've just grown apart.

We'll always love you, baby Eric.

Now get these dead bodies out of here, you f*cked up serial k*ller.

That's not what happened!

Great day! What a journey you all took us on, huh?

A lot of doctors giving us a lot of bad news.

I don't know if your work rose to yesterday's level from our good friend Barry here.

Well, he was in a w*r.

So lucky.

Yes, Barry was blessed with being able to witness the atrocities of w*r, absolutely.

I bet you all wish you were down in the sh*t with him.

But here's the difference.

Barry, you told your story with such vulnerability, such honesty.

Look, I know it is hard to see yourselves reflected in the exercises up here.

What if we challenged ourselves to discover ourselves?

What if we wrote our own pieces, using moments from our own lives that help shape and define us?

What if we didn't elevate somebody else's character in somebody else's story but we finally wrote our own?

What if we made it about ourselves for a change?

Yes. Now, Barry, you're gonna tell that story from Afghanistan.

The rest of you, you're gonna find your sheep-fucker moments.

And then we'll take them all, we will mold them into a show that we will do for a paying audience and the occasional VIP comp.

Now, this is the new work, ladies and gentlemen.

Are you with me?

Well, let's get to it! Yes, Gene!

Sally, excuse me.

Where are you going? You haven't gone yet.

Oh, yeah. sh*t, sorry. Can I go next class?

It's just, I have a meeting to go to at Gersh.

Are you telling me that that is more important than sharing your truth with the class?

It's just my new agents have put together my reel of all the jobs I've been getting, like clips of them, like, cut together.

We know what a reel is. I'm really excited.

Sorry. You guys were great, though.

It was really, really good.

You know what? To the rest of you, take a loose 15.

But, like, I'm not surprised that she did that.

Hey, Mr. Cousineau?

Hey, Private Pyle. How you doing?

Oh, let's not call me that.

Your story, just an idea...

There is an embellishment called the Dennehy Balloon.

Actually, it's a colostomy bag filled with blood that Brian Dennehy used during Death Trap.

When he was sh*t, he would...

Mr. Cousineau, um, I don't really have to tell the story I told yesterday in front of an audience, do I?

Of course not. Oh, good. Thank you.

No, that version is just the beginning.

sh*t. See during rehearsal... and this is just my instinct... you're gonna find more complicated and f*cked up details.

Those... we have to hear.

Right, but you know, you said that this is a story that, um, has to define us. Mm-hmm.

I just... I don't think that's the person that I am.

Barry, you're justifiably nervous. Yeah.

But I will not hear a word about switching it out, one iota, for something less compelling.

You, sir, are doing Afghanistan.

See, I want to do the story about meeting you.

Go on.

Yeah, you know, being in this class and seeing you teach and...

So you wanna tell the story of meeting me?

Yeah.

I'll allow it.

Oh, good. That's great. That's great.

I think it will be way better than Afghanistan.

I can be as involved as you need me to be in order to craft this piece, or I can stay on the sidelines.

I totally understand. Either way is fine.

Okay, I don't think I need... But who would know more about me than me?

That's a good point, but I don't think you need to be involved at all, you know?

I was there, so I remember. I've got scrapbooks.

Oh, cool. If you need them.

I've got diaries, I've got pictures, I've got tapes.

Barry, I have got a lot of tapes.

I think I'm good, Mr. Cousineau, thank you. Thank you. Okay.

You know what? I'm gonna call Natalie and send her to the storage unit anyway. Okay.

All right. Okay. Just in case.

For the tapes. Okay. Got it.

If anyone calls or knocks on the door, you just ignore them, okay? Okay.

You and Emily just sit tight.

And before you know it, this'll all be over.

There must be something I can do to help.

There is.

Let me handle this.

You've had to overcome a lot of misogyny, adversity, sexism to get to where you are.

Nothing's been handed to you.

You've earned it.

Congratulations, ladies.

You're my lead prosecutors now.

We won't let you down, District Attorney McGarrity.

I know you won't. Now...

Sir, your three o'clock is here. Tell them to wait!

I'm talking to my lead prosecutors.

Sorry about her. How did they not pick this up?

Sar Norff's men have surrounded our ship.

How are we gonna get home, Dad?

We'll just have to make a run for it.

Make a run for it? If we do that, we're dead.

Thanks, Babe.

Woo!

So great.

You are nailing these scenes.

It's like I forgot you were acting.

You became the character of... what was her name?

Oh, the script just said "wife."

Well, you elevated it. Look, we love it.

But forget how we feel.

How do you feel? Be honest.

It's... so great. Thank you so much.

I mean, I feel so lucky. Thank you.

Well, you are booking like crazy.

You gotta come by more.

All right. Yeah.

Sorry to keep this brief, but Mike and I have to run.

They'll validate you at the front.

You know how to get out, right? Uh, yeah.

Sally, you stay. You two go on ahead, I'll walk her out.

So f*cking thrilled.

You hate it.

I just, like...

Seeing it all cut together like that, back-to-back...

Look, these parts are not the best representation of your talent.

I just feel like I have more to bring to the table than breakfast.

"Breakfast."

That's amazing. I'm crazy about you.

And I just want you to be happy.

Okay.

Um, so what do we do?

Here's what we do...

We play the game.

Okay, okay. Hear me out.

Before Jennifer Lawrence became "J-Law," she was the daughter on the Bill Engvall sitcom, okay?

Okay.

Good parts come with time, but you gotta hang in there.

I know it's so frustrating, but it's the way this industry works.

Okay? Okay.

Is that the plan? Yeah.

Yeah, that's the plan. Okay.

Thank you, Lindsay. You bet, yeah.

Hey. Monroe Fuches.

Thank you.

Monroe Fuches?

No.

Detective Loach, LAPD.

Just like to ask you a few questions.

Yeah.

So, Mr. Fuches, I have your tooth at the scene of a quadruple homicide.

How does that happen?

You know, that's funny.

I was gonna call the cops about that.

Uh, my tooth... this one.

I woke up, and it was gone.

I have no idea where it went.

You have no idea where it went?

No idea.

Okay. All right. I'm not gonna lie to you.

I was with a lady.

And I think, maybe, while I was sleeping... she extracted it.

Why would she do that?

Who knows what these foreign prostitutes do?

I mean she might've taken it as some sort of... trophy or something?

You know, like an ivory tusk or a rhino horn.

Maybe she wanted to grind it up and use it as a potion.

I don't know what goes on with them.

So... in this scenario... Uh-huh?

How does it end up in Pazar's garage?

Hmm, well...

Uh, she might've taken it with her on her route and left it there. Uh-huh.

I don't think they have routes.

Well, I mean suit yourself.

But if I'm a cop, I want to look at all the possibilities.

Hey, do you know this guy?

Is that a guy?

Looks kind of gender-liquid to me.

Well, his name is Barry Block, but his real name is Barry Berkman.

And he's from right here in Cleveland, like you.

Hmm. Hmm.

Yeah, well I've never seen him before in my life.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

So you, you definitely... you definitely didn't see him k*ll Pazar.

I don't know this dipshit, and I don't give a f*ck about Pazar.

Yeah.

I don't give a f*ck about Pazar, either.

You know what I do care about?

I care about who k*lled my partner, Detective Janice Moss.

And I think this guy might've had something to do with it.

He might be a cop k*ller.

And if I find out that you're even slightly involved with this f*cking guy, like in any way, shape, or form, you're going to prison.

You got me?

No, no, no, no. Come on.

Come on! I f*cking pushed the button!

The game says you didn't. Well, that's bullshit, because I'm obviously pushing the button.

Hey, guys. Hey, roomie. Not now, okay?

I got bread, mac and cheese, and, Jermaine, I got your Gatorade.

Sweet. Thanks, B.

Um, I'm actually a little light. Can I get you tomorrow?

Sure, yeah.

Word. Aw, g*dd*mn, it's happened again!

Yeah, you really aren't good at this.

Hi, Dad.

Leo, hi!

Oh, what a lovely coincidence!

I don't know if you know this, but I've just recently lost someone very close to me.

Mom told me.

And I thought to myself, you know, life is so short.

A father should have a relationship with his son.

Okay.

Were you planned? No.

But then there you were.

So I did what every great actor does, I improvised.

You left.

Look, you want to leave them wanting more, not less.

And then there was my work, my students.

Your f*cking students. Okay...

Look, you're jealous, Leo. It's totally natural.

I don't care about your students and neither do you.

That whole theater is just a big shrine to you.

Even this is about you.

We don't have a relationship, Dad, and I'm fine with that, I really am.

No reason to force this.

Barry, you are worthless and weak.

Do you hear me, Barry, you cemented head?

Yes, Mr. Cousineau.

Are you aware you are incapable of playing a character with a mil... mildest set of balls?

I think it's because I've never had an adult male role model, so I don't have the emotional tools to advocate for myself.

I know, Barry. I'm going to give you those tools, and thus change your life.

It's going to be incredible, and I'm going to owe it all to you.

I am Gene. This is my theater. It's what I do.

Barry...

Hey, Mr. Cousineau! Mr. Cousineau.

Yeah, we just put this up on its feet.

It's feeling pretty good. Yeah.

Yeah, we had a ques... What was the, um...

Balls. Oh, yeah.

Did you say I have no nuts or that I have no balls?

We just wanna make sure it's accurate.

Barry, you're gonna do the story from Afghanistan.

What? Just be your real self.

Afghanistan.

I don't think he liked your performance.

He's not wrong.

I mean, thank God Lindsay's on my team, you know?

Because my other two agents, Mike and Michael, they just don't get me.

I mean, they keep sending me up for these shitty little parts.

It hurts that they don't think that I'm ready for something bigger.

So your burden is that you're booking work?

Okay, fair. I'm booking, yeah, but, you know, nothing substantial, nothing meaty.

Just like... housewife, stepmother, assistant.

Nothing I can really bring my truth to, you know?

Just a bunch of weak women.

Oh, you don't like weak women.

You can't bring your truth to them.

No. Why?

I...

What do you mean, "Why?"

I'm a very self-sufficient person.

Well, I, um... I'm extremely independent.

Um, when I moved out here, I didn't know a single person, and I had no money, and I'm doing just fine, thank you.

Okay.

Okay, Gene, I think I know what you're trying to do here, and I'm just, I'm not going to fall for it, okay?

I just... I know what you, you want me to say. I get it, okay? I...

Okay, you want me to say that I was married and he was abusive and I stayed in it for years anyway.

Is that what you want?

That's what you wanted to hear.

Wait, you think that I'm booking all these weak women because I was weak in my marriage?

Well, you're wrong.

You're wrong, I am not weak.

I left, okay?

I... I moved to LA to live for me, and now I stand up for myself and... and I don't apologize and... and I am with someone who respects and accepts me for who I am, okay?

And I will never, ever be with a violent man again.

Don't you think that that might be your story?

I, uh...

sh*t.

sh*t.

sh*t! sh*t!

Aah! sh*t!

Oh, sh*t.

sh*t.

Fuches?

Yeah.

Hey, look, I know, I know that you don't wanna see me, and I don't wanna see you. I get it.

What the f*ck are you doing here, man?

I don't... I don't want to bother you, but I'm just a bit freaked out, you know.

You know what I'm saying? The LAPD, they came to Cleveland and they were asking a bunch of questions.

How the f*ck did you find me? Barry, just shut the f*ck up and listen to me.

Did you k*ll a f*cking cop?

That's all. Huh? Did you?

Because they think I'm involved, and I've got to f*cking know exactly what happened, what the f*ck you did. Yeah, you gotta go. You gotta go.

Fuches, you gotta go. No, I could go to jail.

You don't ambush me like this. You don't ambush me like this!

You gotta go! I could go to f*cking jail!

It's not about you, it's about me, man! I don't care. f*ck off.

f*ck off!

I can f*cking help you!

I don't wanna see you again!

I can get him. Just give me another sh*t.