02x13 - Episode 13

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "800 Words". Aired September 2015 - October 2018.*
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"800 Words" revolves around a recently widowed, popular 800 word columnist for a top selling Sydney newspaper, who quits his job. He impulsively buys a house online in a remote New Zealand seaside town, then has to break the news to his two teenage kids who just lost their Mum, and now face an even more uncertain future. The colourful and inquisitive locals ensure things don't go to plan.
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02x13 - Episode 13

Post by bunniefuu »

(THEME MUSIC)

x

.

Things interrupted.

Things begun with the intention
of seeing them through

to the bitter end.

And then you never get there.

Twins.

Yep.

What are you gonna do
if they're yours?

OK.

The first thing is, this
has nothing to do with you and I.

I'm not gonna go back to Jan if
that's what you're worried about.

No.
It's not.

Jan has made it very clear

that she is gonna
do this thing on her own.

Big call from Jan.

Yeah.

Hey.
Hi.

Hey, Fiona.

We'll get out of your way.

No, that's like OK.
I have to go anyway.

Gotta go to work.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Fiona, I swear this doesn't change
anything between you and me.

Yeah, got that.

Thank you.

We can talk tomorrow.
Yep.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

Life is, some might argue,

a series of endeavours upon which we
embark with the best of intentions.

Only to be interrupted.

Yes Arlo?

Want me to take your plate?

Thanks.

That was great, thanks.

It was cheese on toast.

Sometimes that's just what you need.

Good night.
Good night, Arlo.

A series of endeavours

upon which we embark,
with the best of intentions,

only to be interrupted
by the cold hard facts

of what we round here,
loosely call reality.

Children.

Emma, listen to me,
they are literally the future.

Literally.

Dad, do you want a lift home or not?

Just be careful what you name them.

I've done OK, so far.
Any complaints?

Name wise, not so much.

Having a father who helped out
while I was growing up...

That is the first thing
I'm gonna change this time around.

Except Jan wants nothing
to do with you.

Even if you are the father.

Man,
who knew Jan was such a root rat.

(LAUGHS)

She will fall to the power
of Zac.

Did you just refer to yourself
in the third person?

No, I am there first person.

George is second
and this Aussie bloke,

whoever he is, is way third.

Please forget I ever spoke.

Welcome to fatherhood .

When we named Siouxsie

after Siouxsie,
from Siouxsie and the Banshees.

We had absolutely no clue

that she would actually
grow up to be

Siouxsie from
Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Your fault, for choosing
such a bitching role model.

At least you didn't call your kids
Jarrod and Lindsay.

What's wrong with those names?

Nothing, just a guess, I guess.

No more alcohol for these people.

So your boyfriend's
knocked up another chick then?

You OK with that?

No, I think you'll find that was me.

And I'll be seeing it through,
this time.

Whether she wants it or not.

We're talking about it, Robbie.

Or trying to.
Like adults.

Well, if they are George's kids

and you guys somehow survive
the fallout,

then you'd make a great step-mum.

During the holidays, or
whatever deal you figure out.

Is that right?

Yes, it is.

Because I know you, Fiona.

And I know you'd make a great mum.

Bar closed, everybody go home.

(CHAIRS CLATTER)

(SOFT MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Sorry, who is this?

Dennis, if you have a problem,
shouldn't you call Katie?

I'm sorry, what?

What Plan B?

(HEAVY BREATHING)

Man, I was in such trouble
when I got home.

Lindsay is such a bad example.

Yeah, she's kind of known for that,
around here.

Hey, what was that,
that you wanted to ask me?

Before Lindsay rendered you
incapable of speech?

It... It doesn't really matter.

Come on, I'm curious.
What was it?

I was kind of wondering,
with us being in separate towns,

and I don't know when my mum is ever
gonna let me go back to Weld again.

Well I can come to you next time.

That'd be great.
But you know,

in between when we see each other,

I was wondering if it will be OK,
if we saw other people?

What?

You know, other people.

(EMMA'S MUM) Emma, get in here.

Mum's calling,
I have to go to school.

Well, hang on.
Define other people.

We'll talk after, OK?

(SOFT MUSIC)

Toast?
Can't.

Toast?
Ah, I'm good.

You got your lunch?
Yeah, yeah. All good.

(PHONE RINGS)

Good morning.
Hey.

How are things?

Oh, my toast is being rejected.

That's terrible.

Yep, ungrateful children.

Yeah.

Are you working today?

I'm sure Gloria can hold the fort.

So it's OK if I come over?

Well, I'm very sweaty, right now,
about to jump in the shower.

You're very welcome to join me.

I might give you a while.

Bring coffee and pastries.

There's toast.
If you're into toast.

See you soon.

Is this something
I should be worrying about,

this conversation
we're trying to have?

I dunno, George.

We haven't had the conversation yet.

Yep.

OK, so Dennis wasn't entirely
clear on anything,

but I think he's agreed
to another show.

As well is the Berlin one?

Yeah, he thought this guy was like,
Russian mafia, or something

so he said yes.

But it turned out
the guy was from Austria,

so now he's got a show in Vienna
and he's freaking out.

(SIGHS) Oh, I'm sure he is.

He kept saying plan B.

Does that that mean anything to you?

OK.
The thing is,

Dennis has this belief.

And it makes no sense.

But he believes that he isn't real.

Sorry?

He believes that he's a character,
therefore he doesn't exist.

Therefore, everything he creates,

also doesn't exist.

But, his paintings are real.

Not to him.

You know that Dennis has a few
psychological issues, right?

Yeah, I gathered as much.

So, what is Plan B?

So, when his paintings
started to sell,

he was worried
that he was making money

selling things that
weren't real to reel people.

Mm-hmm.
So he came up with a plan.

Where I would paint his paintings
for him, therefore making them real.

I think I need to talk to him.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Maybe she meant
she wants to see other people.

But why?

What we have is great.

Except she's there and you're here.

Why would she want to change that?

At least if she gets to play around,
so do you.

What?

Nothing.

It's like she's giving you
a license to hunt.

Like a lion.

Excellent pastries.
Better than a toast option?

There's always a time
and a place for toast.

(LAUGHS)

You heard from Jan?

Since we last spoke, no.

You know what I said yesterday still
applies though, don't you?

I'm with you, not her.

Even if they are your kids?

Then I will deal with that
on that basis, with Jan.

And even if they are mine,

Jan is not gonna want me
to go and set up house with her.

Neither of us want that.

Hi there, mate.
Woody.

G'day, George. Fiona.
Woody.

I wasn't expecting you, today.
Hey? Yeah, well.

It's funny how life turns out
sometimes, hey.

Nah, I thought I better finish
chipping young Arlo's room.

Get it all lined
before the cold sets in.

Gotta take care of that
next-generation, hey.

(LAUGHS)

You won't even know I'm here.

(LAUGHS)

You get used it.
I can imagine.

So...

...if Jan's twins,

it turns out I'm the father of,

then arrangements will be made.

Financial, whatever.
But I'm not going back to Sydney.

But, there will still be
an emotional attachment.

Well I guess, but...

It's weird.

I haven't thought about that,
'till now.

Yes, they will be my kids, but...

...but also they won't.
Because they'll be Jan's kids.

(HAMMERING)

Does that sound callous?

No.

No, I get it.

Is this a problem for us?

(WOODY BANGING AND SINGING)

(SINGING)

Woody?
Hey.

You know what you said,
that we wouldn't know you're here?

Yeah.
It's not working out that way.

Oh, sorry am I disturbing you?
A little bit, yeah.

Oh right, you having
a little bit of a discussion?

Yes, actually.
Yeah, let me guess.

It's about having kids.

It's shaping up that way, yes.

You've certainly started something
there, George.

Me?
Well, yeah.

Suddenly all the women of Weld,
they want to talk about having kids.

How would you feel
if I got pregnant?

And the thing is,

as far as conversations go,
that's a loaded g*n, my friend.

Oh, no.
I'm not actually pregnant.

I'm just saying you know,
like what if?

You know,
how would that change things?

What would that mean for our lives?
I mean, obviously it would be huge,

in terms of my job,
but we could deal with that, right?

Right?

I mean, this is a conversation

where you don't have to say anything

and you've landed yourself
right in it.

Are you gonna say anything?

Do I have to?

Yes, because it would be nice to
know where you stand on the issue.

Can I think about it?

OK.

You do that.

Good night.
Yeah, night.

What if Tracey gets pregnant?

Not because she wants to get
pregnant,

but because she hates her job.

What a way to conceive a kid
is that?

It's the wrong way, mate.

And then, the kid comes along, she
doesn't have a job, she'll be happy.

But what about me?
I'm the breadwinner.

But what if I don't win any bread?

Woody...

You know,
it's just so many thoughts,

they just kept coming at me.
Woody...

Just thought after thought
after thought.

Woody.
No, they just...

I have an idea.
Oh, do ya?

Brilliant. 'Cause ideas
are what solve thoughts.

You need to go surfing,
talk to the dolphins.

I don't want to get one of those
reputations,

of builders
that are always out surfing.

Woody,
there are times in your life

where you need
to put yourself first.

You have a visitor.

Zac.
George.

Oh, you guys have probably got
father issues to talk about, hey?

Well, not issues with your father's
but potential fathers.

Yep, got it thanks Woody.
Yep, right. Sorry, see ya.

You and I need to talk.
We do?

We need to present a united front.
Do we?

With Jan.
I know were rivals,

but she needs to know,
whoever the father is,

fathers have rights, too.

OK.

I'm gonna leave you to it.

We need to call Sydney.

We can pick up later.

I'm sorry about this.
Later.

JAN: Oh, you have rights, do you?

We think we do.

It takes two people
to make a baby, Jan.

Yes, thanks Zac,
I'm aware of that.

And fortunately,
it takes only one to incubate it.

Or them, fighting all night,
keeping me awake.

And that's why
we wanna help you with it,

if you just give us a chance.

What, both of you?

No, that would be weird.

The father should be there.
But I don't know who the father is.

Taylor-Rose, don't give me that look.

Sorry.

I think you do.

Deep down.

Deep down, all I am
is hungry all the time.

You know what, stop standing there,
judging me

and go get me some dumplings.

Zac, yes.

You are correct, you do have rights.

OK, good.

The right to remain silent.

(HANGS UP)

(SIGHS)

I think we caught her on a bad day.

No, no.
That was good.

We got our message across.

I'm glad you think so.

And by the looks of it,
it won't be too long

before she realises
she's gonna need someone beside her

to help her through.

And you'll put your hand up
for that?

Wouldn't you?

(SOFT MUSIC)

Sorry, it took a while.

But, basically yes.

Dennis has committed to two shows.

That's a ridiculous number of works

that he hasn't got a hope in hell
of getting done.

Unless, plan B.

Which is that...

you paint some of them.

That's his genius solution.

And can you actually pull that off?

One is an actual Dennis and the
other one is one I painted for him.

His, yours.

Well that answers that.

If you can tell the real from the
fake, then no I can't pull it off.

That one is signed, that one isn't.

Oh, yeah.
(LAUGHS)

Otherwise...

...Can I have a go?

At what?

Painting a Dennis.

I reckon I could do
an awesome Dennis.

No, no one is painting a Dennis,
except Dennis.

But then how is he going
to put on the shows?

By blooding well painting them
himself.

But you said
he doesn't have a hope of that.

Then he can man up and tell them.

But, Dennis has
psychological issues.

It could scar him for life.

Plan B, Katie.

No, we're not printing
his paintings for him.

What's stopping us?

We have his permission
and this sort of stuff

happens all the time
in the art world, you know that.

Andy Warhol, Damien Hirst,

there's that Japanese guy.

Takashi Murakami.

See, you know exactly
what I'm talking about.

Those guys had heaps of assistants
turning out works for them.

Come on, Katie.
Let's do it.

It'll be fun

and we'll be helping Dennis
out of a jam too, right?

Hey, I've been thinking.

That's a good thing.

Emma,
what if she's testing me?

To see if I'm fully committed
to our relationship.

The one where you're here
and she's in Stafford?

The one that requires commitment.

What?

Nothing.

You're probably just such
a babe magnet,

she's feeling insecure.

Exactly.

Also, women are way more
cunning than men.

Exactly.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hi, it's me.

Just saying the coast is clear.

For the moment, anyway.
So, call me.

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

You have a gift for Dennis.

Finally, I am good at something
and it's for being someone else.

(LAUGHS)
That's not true and you know it.

Do we have to have the music?

It really sucks.

Dennis says it's important
for his creative state of mind.

Dennis also says he doesn't exist.

True.

Hey.
Hey.

Pull up a canvas, have a go.

Have a go at what?

Being Dennis.

Oh, famous painter, Dennis.

Artist formerly known
as our bus driver.

Oh...

Why would I do that?

Long story short.

We are doing the grunt work for him

so he that he can put on
a couple of shows in Europe.

By grunt work, you mean like,
Like what?

Painting for him?
Yeah. It's fun.

Yeah, but isn't that also fraud?

No,

he asked us to do it.

And he'll sign them
when he gets them.

Oh.

Isn't that still fraud?

Come with me, just a second.

OK, stop using the F word.

But that's what it is, isn't it?

No.
And you're freaking out Katie.

When some rich German dude
by a Dennis painting,

that you painted,
I think, yes.

When it's signed by Dennis,
it is a Dennis.

Except Shay painted it.

It doesn't matter,
as long as his signature's on it.

I'm pretty sure it'll matter
to the German dude, if he found out.

Ike, this isn't unusual
in the art world.

Warhol, Damien Hirst, they all...
Look, I don't care

what those old guys did.
I don't want you doing it.

Sorry?

You don't want me doing it?

Since when do you own me?

I don't like you doing it.

Well, I do.
It's fun.

OK, I thought we were having fun

torturing Sean from the Council
with the mural thing but...

Yeah, but that doesn't pay.

Katie says I'll get half the
commission on each painting we sell.

On each fraud you commit.

Hey, who appointed you
my moral guardian?

I'm just saying,
I think what you're doing is wrong.

Yeah, I got that loud and clear.

And if you keep doing it
then I don't want to be around.

Yeah, well good news is,
you don't have to be.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Maybe he's right.
He is not right.

We have the permission
of the artist.

(TURNS ON MUSIC AGAIN)
Ike has a stick up his butt,

that is all.

(VACUUMING)

I tried calling you.
Yeah, I got your message.

How'd it go with Zac?

Well, he's very sure
that he's the father.

Well, that's just how Zac rolls.

But if you're worried,
that should it turn out to be me,

that I'm suddenly gonna rush back...

No, no.
Totally got that.

Have you?

Because it still seems
there's a problem here.

Yes, it was irresponsible.

Or at least, accidental
of me to get into this situation.

No, no.

This isn't about
birth control issues.

It happens,
I wouldn't hold that against you.

Well, then I'm not sure what else
I can say,

to make whatever it is better.

Well...
TRACEY: Excuse me?

Hi, Tracey.

Sorry, but is Woody here?

He was here this morning.

I've been trying to call him
all day

and it just goes straight
to his stupid message.

'Hi, this is Woody,
just 'cause I'm not here,

doesn't mean I can't hear ya.'

I think he went surfing.

That would explain it.

Wait, have I done something wrong?
Have you?

Well, not since the weekend.
But I thought we dealt with that.

Oh, I'm here looking for Woody.

Oh.

Hey, I'm gonna leave you guys
to this.

Were not having much luck
with this, are we?

(SIGHS) No, we're not.

Well, we're alone now.

Is it something you can say
here and now?

No.

Not really.

Time to discuss things.
That's what I'd like.

We can try again, later.

Yeah, we can do that.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

I mean, I get that
it was stupid of me

to throw the 'P' word out there
like that,

but I thought he could at least
talk to me about it, you know?

Well, I don't think men
are that good

at talking about fatherhood,
in theory.

Certainly Laura and I never
talked about it beforehand.

We just sort of happened,
without discussion.

So how did you find out?

Sorry?
The first time Laura was pregnant.

She left the house one afternoon.

A Saturday.

She didn't say anything and
I watched her drive away and I knew.

I just knew she was gonna get one
of those pregnancy test thingy's.

How?

I just did.

And I started smiling
and I didn't stop for days.

Just because Woody
is scared of the idea,

doesn't mean he is
scared of the idea.

If you see what I mean.

Just try him again.

(SIGHS)

G'day, g'day, this is Woody.

Just because I'm not here,
doesn't mean I can't hear ya.

Someone called 'Hot T' just called
this phone which was in my room.

And one mystery solved.

An interruption, by its very nature,
is unexpected and unforeseen.

But even here,
there are certain interruptions

that catch you completely unawares,
coming as they do.

From way out of left field.

(PHONE RINGS)

Yes?

We have a situation.

It's not hard to cook squid
that is actually crispy.

I'm sure you could do much better.

A guy has taken over the kitchen.

What?
He went in and insulted Norman.

Got that pip and took off.
So now there's a guy in the kitchen.

Well, tell him
to get out of the kitchen.

I did. And he told me
to get out of his kitchen.

His kitchen?

Yeah.

He's cooking in there.

Yeah, I told Monty to go in

and kick him out, but Monty's
a big girls blouse.

There are knives in there.

So, call the police. Make
Tom earn his living for a change.

Done that.
He's on his way.

So am I.

Isn't it cool that this thing

will go to
the other side of the world

and end up living on some
rich guys wall.

But you'll never get any
credit for it.

I'll know.
That's what matters.

And helping Dennis out.

Yeah, that too.
Obviously.

I've been thinking about
what you said

and I know what you're trying to do.

You do?
Yes.

And I want you to know,

I still love you

and I'm not interested
in seeing anyone else.

Oh.

Why?

Do you wanna see someone else?

I kind of am.

Already?

Well, actually, I was seeing him
before I saw you

and we broke up before the holidays

and now he wants to
get back together.

Well, just say no.

I used to think he was
a bit of an idiot, you know.

All he cared about was being
the first but,

now I feel older
and I understand him more

and we can actually talk
and he listens.

And it's all thanks to you, Arlo.

Do you hate me?

No.

Of course not.

I wouldn't blame you if you did.

I hope we can still be friends.

I have to go to work.

I'll give you a lift to work.

I can walk.

No, I'm heading that way anyway.

(PHONE RINGS)

Smiler.

Ah, hang on a sec,
I'll get him for you.

Hey, smile, it's for you mate.

Woody, you're the one that bailed.

Oh, yeah.

Hello.
Woody, are you at Smiler's?

Yes, yes.

We're just doing some
silo business.

Hey, we're trying to figure out
where I left my phone.

At George's.

Right.
Yep, OK.

That makes sense.

What are you doing at George's?

I'm not.

I'm at home. Waiting for you.
So we can talk.

Ah, yeah.

The ah...
(CLEARS THROAT)

Talk thing, right.

Yes, Woody.
The talk thing.

The one you should man up and have.

Shut up!
OW...

Woody, just come home.

Yes, I could charge him
with something.

Trespass, maybe.

But, having tasted the plates
he keeps bringing out,

it'd be like charging Michelangelo
with taking the Sistine Chapel.

No, no,

that is the greatest thing
I have ever tasted.

Yeah, I'm with Monty.

OK... (TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL)
You get it, right?

If anything,
I should be charging Norman.

Hey!

Get off.

George.

You need to try this.

Very nice.

Very nice?

Sublime is what that is.

So has Norman got a new cookbook?

Oh, I wish.
No. There's this guy.

Apparently, marched in,
took over the kitchen...

And keeps bringing out
these offerings

to the gods of food.

Is this...

Yes, Arlo.

What?
It's his party trick.

What party trick?

Terry!
What party trick?

Uncle Terry.

Terry, get your arse out here.

I knew you'd find me.

Are you still pulling this trick?

Well, you know me.

Gotta give the people
what they want.

Arlo.

(LAUGHS)

Thank God you're still alive.

Why wouldn't I be?

I worry, that's all.

Everyone, Terry.

My baby brother.

(CLAPS)

Hey, thanks for finding my phone.

No worries.


Umm...

Can I go first?

That's the woman's prerogative.

Unless that's being old-fashioned
and sexist.

I don't blame you for freaking out.

I threw the P word out there,
without really thinking about it.

Yeah, it did kind of
catch me by surprise.

Yeah, I noticed that.

It's just, whoa,
big information,

smack right between me eyes,
where my brain is.

I know.
Sorry.

No, don't be.

I should have handled it better.

Especially when afterwards,
when I stopped panicking

and I started to actually think
about it, I realised...

...We'd make the best babies ever.

We would.
They'd be beautiful,

funny, and smart.

And it would be hell
trying to get them to wear clothes.

(LAUGHS)

It would.

And you'd be the best mum, ever.

You'd be the best father.

Just not now.

No, not now.

One day.

Yeah, one day.

But until then,

I reckon
we should keep practising.

It's a gift you've got, mate.

A gift.

Well and a lot of hard work,
but essentially you are right.

And you're here for how long?

Never plan that far ahead.

You never told me you had
a much more handsome brother.

And he's gifted
and way more charming.

Hmm... A total package, hey?

And also amoral, unreliable.

And an egotist,

who leaves a trail
of destruction behind him,

but don't let that put you off.

Oh, it doesn't.

What you did with the salmon,
it was as if

God himself had just...

Excuse me for one minute.

If you could stay in my life
forever, that'd be good.

(LAUGHS)

You doofus,
you scared him away.

Hey, dad.
It's me.

Remember that problem
we were discussing the other day?

I don't think George
is very happy to see me.

Well, when does that mean
any different?

True.

It might help if you gave us
a little warning

before you just show up.

The element of surprise
is very important.

You and I need to talk.

You talk and I'll listen.

You got my text.

Sure did.

Yeah, I didn't know
if you would make it not,

you know,
I thought you might be too busy.

No, I'm finished for the day.

Why are you being all
thing about this?

All thing?

Like you're morally superior.

(LAUGHS)

Maybe 'cause I'm not the one
committing fraud here.

Oh, give it a rest.

It is not fraud.
Oh, why, why?

Because Dennis is cool with it?

Try telling that to the people
buying your paintings.

Yeah, yours.

Not his.

So what?

So what if a rich guy
ends up with something I painted

on the wall of his mansion.

Isn't that cool?

You're Mr fight the power,

when you wanna be,
why is this any different?

I stand up for what I believe in
and you're doing this for money.

Not entirely.

It's also fun.

You said it was a job.

And am I not allowed to have a job?

Yes.
Yes, of course.

But not this, not something that you
know deep down, you know is wrong.

Give the pop psychology a rest.

I'm doing something I like.

If you have a problem with that.

What?

What, Shay?
Leave?

I already decided to stay for you.

Don't.

Don't you dare hang that on me.

You decided to stay
because you wanted to stay.

Yeah, so we could hang out.
So we could spend time together.

So I'm here, let's go.

Let's spend time together.

Oh, but right.

First I have to give up doing the
thing that you disapprove of.

That's right, isn't it?

That's the deal now.

Why do you want to suck all the fun
out of my life?

I don't want to do that at all.

It's just that,

you have this thing

and while you're doing it,
I don't wanna be around you.

So, we're over then?

Over some stupid paintings.

If they're stupid,

then stopped doing them.

No.

Well then yep.

Yes is the answer to your question,
cool?

You know, I'd forgotten how
beautiful this place is.

You were far too young
to even remember this place.

Yeah, but I still have this
overwhelming sense memory,

of the beauty.
Why are you here, Terry?

Nostalgic sense of something
missing in my life.

Or wanted to see my brother.

That went mad and shifted his family
to the arse end of the world.

Well that's very nice, but why now?
Seemed like a good time.

For you, maybe.
Well, why not you?

Well, what happened
to the restaurant

you're opening in Melbourne?

Yeah, well things didn't
go quite according to plan.

(LAUGHS)
Hey, the pig paying for it

thought that gave him the right
to interfere with the menu.

Yeah, and?

And there may have been
this thing with his wife.

Who was far too beautiful
for a throw back like him.

In other words, you've come here
to hide from your latest cock up.

I prefer the term, rejuvenate.

Come on man,
I'm not here to cause trouble.

Oh, you never are.

But that doesn't stop
the inevitable, does it?

Please say I can stay.

You can do whatever you want.

Yeah, but I need your blessing.

I, Terry Turner, do solemnly swear
on the graves of our beloved parents

and the saintly Laura,

that I will not cause any distress

or havoc it to my dear brother,
George.

By messing up
his beautiful hiding place.

And my family, you do not interfere
with the lives of my family.

Alright.

Any advice uncle Terry gives
will be well intentioned.

And sparse, very, very sparse.

And the people here are nice.

You do not mess with them, either.

I cross my heart and hope to die.

And you do not, I repeat do not,

bring your usual sh*t
into my world.

I just crossed my heart
and hope to die.

There's nothing left for me to say.

There's a couch, if you want it.

(SOUND OF OCEAN WAVES)

So you finally went there
with Jan, hey?

Oh, now I regret telling you that
in a moment of weakness.

Well, she's been hot for you,
for years.

And she knew that I knew
and that's why she hates me so much.

No, she hates you,
because you're always rude to her.

I think that's a
chicken and an egg situation.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Well at least
you're sh*t of her now.

So you're clearly
back in the saddle.

You seeing anyone?

And that's where it starts
to get complicated.

(MUSIC)

Word has spread.
That was quick.

It's a Weld thing.

What we have here,
is the beginnings of a mob.

So, if you don't get back
into that kitchen

and finish what you started...
I can do that.

You're with me, come on.

Telling tales of all the women
in your life as we cook.

Actually, I got dumped today.

What?
Is she mad?

Front page, George.
Celebrity chef comes to Weld.

Tom's got his camera here
to take a few snaps.

What, no.

Is Fiona here?

Gone to talk Norman off their ledge
and then going home apparently.

So, rock star brother in town, huh?

Yeah, that's not gonna end well.

Why, what's he done?

Well, nothing as yet, but he will.

How's Norman?

Norman will be
back at work tomorrow,

as long as your brother stays away.
Oh, he's had his fun there.

He's finding new ways to torment me.

To torment you?

Yeah, like being the thing
that interrupts me,

when I should be talking to you.

One of many interruptions,
you can't blame him entirely.

I've been a bit thick, haven't I?

What gave it away for ya?

well, the fact that
suddenly everyone else

has talked about having kids,
except us.

Our kids that is, not Jan's kids.

Yes, George.
You're right.

What if we have kids?

I mean, usually
that's a discussion you have

when you're much further
into a relationship

but events have kind of
intensified things.

For me, anyway.

Yeah, meanwhile, here's me thinking
that those days are finally over

and suddenly
there's kids everywhere.

There it is.

You've had your kids.

Which is why you're OK
if Jan takes these ones,

if they do turn out to be yours.

Well, that's not entirely true.

You're putting up a token resistance

'cause you think
it's the right thing to do

and you're always
all about the right thing.

Meanwhile, here's little old me,

I want kids.

I really, really
want to have children.

I just do.

I've got this need inside me.

And a clock.

Ticking very loudly in my ear.

So what do you say, George?

Do you wanna have kids with me?

OK.

The first thing I wanna say

is I thought my child raising days
were behind me.

Taken as a given.

And this, all of this,
has just taken me by surprise.

I hear all that George,

I just want you to be
honest with me.

I don't know.

I honestly...

I honestly don't know
if I can go back there.

That's the thing, isn't it.

You'd be going back.

Whereas I...

It's just different directions.

I'm sorry,
I wish I could say something else.

I asked it to be honest
and you were.

So, so what now?

Is this us?

Are we...

It was fun.

I know I said that's what I wanted,
but fun...

...Won't do me forever.

(SIGHS)

Not when sooner rather than later
I want serious. (CRIES)

I'm sorry.

TERRY: Really good kitchen skills.

I think you take after your father.

Well yeah, or you.

Well, that would be
his worst nightmare.

And what we were talking about
earlier,

don't you call her.

If you're not good enough for her,

then she is nowhere near
good enough for you.

Seriously.
You forget her.

Now, I think it might be time
for you to head off home.

Well, where are you staying?

Well, you might find me
on your couch.

Or, maybe not.

Oh...

OK, well, have a good night.

(AMBIENT MUSIC)

And here I was,
about to offer to help clean up

and you've done it all.

Amazingly,
that's what I do around here.

You're a bit of a showboat,
aren't ya?

I wouldn't know what you could
possibly mean by that.

(LAUGHS)
Not like your brother at all.

Well, someone's gotta
be the black sheep.

Oh, I am sure you are
the troublemaker of the family.

Well, George thinks so.

Personally,

I feel I'm deeply misunderstood.

Uh-huh.

You see, I live
the simple life of a nomad.

Wandering from town to town,

cooking to make ends meet.

Always looking for a place
to rest my weary head.

There's a couch going
at George's place, so I heard.

See, I don't know
where George lives.

It's a small town.

I'm sure you'll find your way.

Well, maybe in the light of day.

But you wouldn't want me stumbling
around in the dark, would you?

Oh, you are such trouble.

I get the feeling
that's not a problem for you.

(COUGHS)

Oh, sorry.
Not interrupting am I?

What do you want, Robbie?
Ah, him, actually.

Just for a wee while and then you
can get back to the old...

(WHISTLES)

Someone who wants to meet you.

Terry Turner, William McNamara.

I have eaten
in one of your restaurants.

In Sydney.
Karma.

Something or other.

Apologies.

Details, like names,
sometimes escape me.

Karma Police.

I was going through
a Radiohead phase.

I never put you and George together.

Mind you, I didn't even know
he had a brother.

Yeah, well George likes to think
of me as the family secret.

So,

why am I here?

I own this building.

and until recently,

it housed the world's worst
Chinese joint.

Thankfully, they are no more.

But my son and I
were talking the other day,

about what to do with
this room

and then out of the blue,

like the answer to a prayer,

you turn up.
(LAUGHS)

Well, I've never been the answer
to anyone's prayers before.

You will be.

If you help me turn this...

...Into a Mecca

For lovers of great food.

What was that term you used, Bobby?
A pop-up, dad.

A pop-up restaurant.

Featuring the gastronomic
work of the great Terry Turner,

cooking only the finest cuisine.

Ingredients sourced locally,
from clean and green Weld.

You see, Terry. When it comes
to my town, I like to dream big.

So this is your town, is it?

In many ways, literally, it is.

So when I dream about putting Weld
on the food map

and then you turn up,

well our partnership
was meant to be.

And if it's money you want,
money is no object.

My son here will manage it

and you can cook
whatever the hell you fancy.

Are you up for the challenge?

Lives interrupted.

Everything out of order.

Something real, replaced by...

...By a whole lot of nothing.

♪ Forget the end

♪ For it'll eat you again... ♪

Plans carefully thought out
and meticulously documented.

That must be thrown away.

Don't get me wrong,

A good interruption can be just
what you need from time to time.

A change in the world order
can be a very appealing thing.

But care is needed.

To ensure that the new path

isn't actually gonna lead you
to places you really shouldn't go.

(MUSIC)

We couldn't sleep.

Me neither.

Cheese on toast?

Sure. Why not.

As we charge through life,
cutting our own paths,

the interruptions that hurt the most
are the ones of our own making.

Where we, for whatever reason,
create our own obstacles,

bringing something good
to an abrupt and painful end.

And all that is left is the hope
that maybe one day,

we can turn around, go back,

remove the obstacle
and clear the path ahead.

At least there is always hope.

.
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