03x08 - A Dangerous Union

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Search Party". Aired: November 2016 to present.*
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"Search Party" centers around five self-absorbed twenty-somethings, who become entangled in an ominous mystery when a former college acquaintance suddenly disappears.
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03x08 - A Dangerous Union

Post by bunniefuu »

DREW: "Dory's a whiz"
at thinking on her feet.

She can make you believe anything.

When she finds herself in a tight bind,

she'll do whatever it takes
to deceive those around her,

including herself.

Will her story end in finding
the redemption she deserves,

or will she end up impaled
"on a stake in a field?"

And is that not great?

And I also discovered this morning

that if you press her belly...

DOLL: Hey, could I get a black coffee,

And... sorry... What
kind of muffin is that?

So, obviously,
this person has been stalking me.

And, actually,
it's a pretty accurate profile of her,

if you ask me.

MARTIN: Yeah, okay.

I can see why you could
be scared of this doll.

So, I guess our question for you is,

What kind of services
do you actually provide?

Well, first and foremost,
I provide quality protection. Mm.

Not only do I have / vision,

license to carry this firearm,

but I'm also a visual thr*at.

Okay.

One look at me,
and the person that made you that doll

isn't gonna want to lay a finger on you.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

You two romantically involved?

You seem to be very
familiar with each other,

but, at the same time, like strangers.

Our lawyers have suggested
that we stay together

for the sake of our public image.

Sorry. Could you hit the
third floor for me, please?

- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- Ma'am?

Sorry, ma'am? What...
Uh, yeah, never mind.

We passed it.

♪ Obedear, the sky is low ♪

♪ Watch fluent seamen
rig their rudders ♪


Ooh, welcome!

- If it isn't our V.I.P.!
- Oh, wow.

Here are your entrance champagne flutes.

Oh, hello.

Who is this huge man?

Oh, yeah.

Um, it's kind of crazy to
say it out loud, but, um...

I have a stalker.

- Girl.
- Yeah.

So this man is here to protect me.

I know it's a bit of a inconvenience,
but so is my life.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's okay. Safety first.

So, you all are gonna
be moving to these stairs

- right over here for the wedding photos.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Just right over there.

- Thank you.
- Feel free to post up a storm. Oh.

Oh, and the hashtag is
# . milliondollarwedding.

Amy!

Amy!

Look at all these cars piling up!

You've got a queue of cars
here longer than Nixon's d*ck!

You have got to move faster.
You got to drive faster.

I'm not gonna tell you again, okay?

I just don't want to hit anybody.

There's a lot of foot traffic,
and I don't want

to get a scratch on one
of these expensive cars.

I've never heard such a made-up
excuse for driving slow.

Pick. Up. The. Pace.

I hate her.

I wish you could still hit women.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

Oh, my God!

[LAUGHING] Hi!

- Hey, you guys.
- Hi, Ell.

Hi. Can you believe it?

I'm getting married.

Who gets married? Me, I guess.

Congratulations, buddy.

Drew! Dory!

It's me, Marc.

- Hi!
- Hi, Marc.

Congratulations.

I want you to meet everybody.

These are my moms, Mercy and Ghost.

- Ghost?
- Like "boo".

But my name is unusual, too.

DORY: It's so nice to meet you both.

- And these are my model friends.
- Oh.

Hello.

Do they have names?

Yeah, they do.

Okay, last time I'm gonna ask,
but am I wearing too much makeup?

ELLIOTT: Marc, I told them it needs
to read for the back of the house.

Okay.

I can't make myself any more clear.

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

PATRICK: Twinks! Twinks!

- Eyes up.
- All right.

Now, I need you all inside quickly.

The kitchen is down
the hall, to the left,

and people are thirsty!

We need those liability
waivers signed ASAP.

Yeah. No giggling or snerking.

Okay, quickly!

Hands out of pockets,
but not too flippy.

♪♪♪

Hm-hm-hm. Yes.

Yes, windblown.

I like it.

All right. Sweetie.

Sweetie. Sweetie, yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna actually
move you over here

so you can get cozy
with your blond friend.

No. Get co... Yeah, yeah.

Cozy with your blond friend.

Thank you.

Excuse me. Yeah.

Yep. Right over there.

Okay, let's actually try this.

Portia, I want you just to
drape your arm over Dory.

I don't really want to drape.
No, no, no, drape.

It's gonna look so pretty.

Yeah, drape it.

Great.

I'm loving that.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

Yes, yes. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I just need you to know
that I'm still very upset

- with you for testifying against us.
- That was beautiful.

And I guess I'm just wondering
how long I have to wait

for an apology.

I did what God asked of me,
and I don't feel like

I need to apologize to a sinner,
to be honest.

♪♪♪

Oh, my God!

You guys look awesome!

But there's actually a gap right there

that someone needs to fill.

- No, no, Chantal.
- Just... Just... Wait.

This is just for the grooms' party.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Oh, my God.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, okay, yeah.

Um, oh, hello.

Excuse me, miss.

Shouldn't you be plating some egg rolls?

Oh, yes.

Of course. My apologies.

I got lost on my way to the kitchen.

Oh. What a riveting novel
you must be crafting.

Grab a tray.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Mm.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I just feel like I can't go
anywhere anymore without looking

- over my shoulder, you know?
- Mm.

Just... It's awful, really.

I'm just... I'm so jumpy.

- Mm.
- Like, even if somebody

just taps me on the shoulder,

- I think, "Oh, my God, is, like... "
- [GASPS]

- ... is this gonna be "an as*ault?"
- Mm, mm.

I just never thought that being so known

was gonna feel so dangerous.

Wow. So scary.

- Are you okay?
- Hey.

Do not touch her.

- It's okay.
- She didn't know.

I-I really appreciate your support.

Totally.

Um, sorry if is, like,
tacky, but, um, could

I have an autograph?

- Of course.
- Okay.

Should I make it out to
you or to somebody else?

Absolutely.

So, that's where my business
comes in, so... He... Um...

So, essentially, like, we swoop in

and scoop up deteriorated singles.

And provide them with
five-star living situations

until they can get back on their feet.

It's foolproof.

The tricky party is getting the money.

Mm.

Ew.

Is this vanilla?

Do... Do you not have,
like, a bubble gum or, like,

some kind of, like,
tropical citrus flavor?

That's ridiculous!

- I'm sorry.
- Ugh!

I couldn't help but overhear
that you have big ideas.

Mm-hmm. I do!

William Badpastor.

Investor.

Chantal Witherbottom.

Inventor.

Aha!

[LAUGHS]

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]

♪♪♪

Hey, buddy.

Hi.

Everything, um, okay?

I'm at my big fabulous wedding.

It's the best day of my life.

Yeah.

You seem a little isolated.

Hm, well, I've had a lot to
think about [CHUCKLES] lately.

I mean, it was only recently
I discovered everything I know

about my fiancé is a total lie.

Yeah, I feel you.

I really, really feel you.

It's good, though. It's good.

Because, like, I think a part of me

knew I was being lied to,
and I kind of liked it.

I think I'm worried
that I'm, like, addicted

to being psychologically
abused or something.

Yeah.

Can we hug?

Yeah, I would love that.

♪♪♪

Now, this is your first
business venture, right?

Well, not if you count
my lemonade stand.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You're funny.

Aww.

And you're smart.

Oh.

But are you smart enough to
have registered your business

as a D Non-Profit?

Yes.

Of course.

I already have.

[LAUGHS]

Now, that's interesting
because that doesn't exist.

I made it up.

Oh. [LAUGHS]

Umm... oops?

No, no. It's fine.

I like that about you.

Oh!

Now, here is my business card. [GASPS]

I'm gonna look forward to your call.

Let's make billions.

Oh, my [LAUGHS]

Wow.

[LAUGHS]

♪♪♪

- No, no, sorry.
- No, not for you.

It's for someone else.

No.

Oh, excuse me.

Hi. Mint Julep?

No, I'm all right.
I'm still working on this one.

Oh, well, let me take that one for you

so you can have a fresh one.

Okay, thank you.

Taste it.

Mmm. Very good.

Dory, we need you in the grooms' party.

The ceremony's about to begin.

Ah. Okay, right. I'm
part of the ceremony.

I forgot. Do you mind taking this?

Thank you.

In here.

["I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU" PLAYS]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ Make a wish

♪ And blow out the candlelight ♪

♪ For tonight is your night ♪

♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪

♪ All through the night ♪

♪ Pour the wine ♪

♪ Light the fire ♪

♪ Girl, your wish is my command ♪

♪ I'll submit to your demands ♪

Those are all my closest friends.

♪ You need only ask ♪

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

- ♪ Like you want me to ♪
- [GUESTS GASP]

- ♪ And I'll hold you tight ♪
- Ooh!

♪ Baby, all through the night ♪

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Like you want me to ♪

♪ And I'll not let you
go till you tell me to ♪


I'll make love to you!

Like you want me to!

I will hold you tight, Marc, Elliott,

all through the night.

- ♪ I'll make love to you ♪
- [GASPS]

♪ Like you want me to ♪

♪ And I'll not let you
go till you tell me to ♪


♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Like you want me to ♪

♪ And I'll hold you tight ♪

♪ Baby, all through the night ♪

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Like you want me to ♪

♪ And I'll not let you
go till you tell me to ♪


Ashley, do you have eyes on Marc?

That would be a negative.

♪ Like you want me to ♪

Come on, Marc! Come on out!

Don't be shy!

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Like you want me to ♪

♪ And I'll hold you tight ♪

♪ Baby, all through the night ♪

- ♪ I'll make love to you ♪
- Oh, good Lord.

- Is this really happening?
- ♪ Like you want me to ♪

I can't take this.

This is so uncomfortable.

♪ Till you tell me to-o-o-o-o ♪

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ Make a wish ♪

[SOFTLY] Drew. Find him.

Check the grooms' suite. Okay.

Find him.

He's not coming.

- It came true.
- Marc?

♪ All through the night ♪

♪ Pour the wine ♪

Marc?!

♪ Light the fire ♪

♪ Girl, your wish is my command ♪

What's going on?

I don't know.

♪ I'll submit to your demands ♪

Marc!

♪♪♪

♪ Hold you tight ♪

♪ Baby, all through the night ♪

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Like you want me to ♪

♪ And I'll not let you
go till you tell me to ♪


♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Like you want me to ♪

- My God, it's so embarrassing.
- It's okay.

This is stupid.

Portia.

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Like you want me to ♪

Portia. Stop.

♪ And I'll hold you tight ♪

- ♪ Baby, all through the night ♪
- Portia, stop!

♪ I'll make love... ♪

Portia!!

Stop singing!

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Get a clue 'cause...

Patrick, Ashley, send everyone home.

Can't do that. Tell
him we can't do that.

Oh, boy.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

So, I've just been informed
that we contractually have

to keep partying until : .

So enjoy!

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪♪♪

[YOUNG ELLIOTT CRYING]


♪♪♪

You okay?

Yeah.

Could you just give me some,

like, ginger ale or something?

Thanks.

♪♪♪

[BREATHES DEEPLY, GROANS]

♪♪♪

[COUGHING]

♪♪♪

Just a minute!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[SIGHS]

I said "hang on"!

Jesus.

♪♪♪

Hi. Sorry.

I didn't hear you.

Do you have the glue for my shoe?

No, I do not.

[SCREAMING]

♪♪♪

Did you eat the pudding cups, too?

- Mm.
- Oh, I think they were bad.

[VOMITING]

[GAGS]

[VOMITING]

♪♪♪

This is what you get when
you hurt my best friend.

Bad girl.

♪♪♪

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]

- PORTIA: [WHIMPERS]
- Oh.

[MUFFLED CRYING]

You're up.

Good.

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

♪♪♪

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

♪♪♪

[LAUGHS]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Shh.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

Adam, can you turn the music down?

Thanks, babe. Thank you.

Okay, ahh, I have to read this.

"Marc and I are pleased to announce

Tonight's Bagel Bites and
Ben & Jerry's raffle winner.

Bagel Bites and Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream

has always proudly
supported LGBTQIA rights

and would like to
congratulate Elliott and Marc

"on their exquisite union."

That is sort of sweet.

Okay, the winning
raffle-ticket number is...

... number .

[WOMAN SCREAMS IN DISTANCE]

Sorry.

Does anyone have ticket ?

[WOMAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE]

Okay. [SCOFFS]

What is that?

Does... Does that
sound like Portia to you?

I dunno.

Okay, Adam.

There's something weird with the audio.

Someone's having sex,
and I think we can hear it.

Yeah, it's a hot mic.

I'll cut that line.

Wait. I-Is that Portia's mic?

WOMAN: Oh, no!

Oh, no.

You know, it sounds like...
It sounds like something's wrong.

Okay, well, where is she?

- [CRYING] No!
- Oh!

Okay, I need everyone to find Portia!

Everyone on their feet!

Go, Drew, go.

No!

Go! Look for her!

[CRYING]

♪♪♪

[SQUEAKING]

[MUFFLED]

No! Please.

Mmm.

They're hungry.

They haven't eaten in days,

and they have quite a sweet tooth.

No!

Portia?!

Portia?

Where are you?!

Portia!

Marc?

[PORTIA SCREAMING]

Portia? Portia!

I found her!

You guys, I found her! Help me!

Uh-oh.

What did I do?!

[SCREAMS]

Portia!

Step back.

- Oh!
- Okay.

- [FOOT POUNDS]
- Not a part of the plan.

Guys, I gotta go.

No!

You got this!

[GRUNTS]

Oh! Whoa!

- Portia!
- [GASPS]

Portia! Portia!

Oh, my God!

Get her out of...
Portia, Portia, Portia!

- Okay. It's okay!
- Oh, my God!

They didn't eat me!

They went for the pudding cups!

DORY: Wait. Portia, what happened?

What happened?

The Twink! The Twink!

Okay!

What Twink?! Where?!

He went that way! Get him! Get him!

Oh, my God!

♪♪♪

Hey!

- Dory!
- I'm sorry.

Dory, thank you for saving me!

I love you.

I almost got eaten by rats!

Oh, my God.

- [CRYING] I'm sorry.
- It's okay, it's okay.

- I'm sorry!
- I love you.

- I love you! I love you so much.
- I love you, girl.

I don't care what flavors you said.

I said never use that
pudding cup company again.

- Hey!
- People always throw up.

I don't know... what's happening?

Freeze!

Stop!

- Aah! Aah! Aah!
- Oh!

Oh, my God.

Oh! Damn!

[VOICE BREAKING]

Is he dead?

[SOBBING]

I k*lled a Twinkie.

[CRYING]

They told me to drive faster.

Arrest that valet!

Is it dreading in the back?

No, babe, it's okay.
I'm just... I'm... I'm trying.

I don't really know how to get

- all the honey out of your hair, but..
- Yeah.

Aww, Dory.

You're so sweet.

- I love you so much.
- I love you, too.

I don't want you to go to jail now.

I know.

Me neither.

I just wish there was a way

to take back everything you said...

But I guess it's a little
too late for that now.

- [CELLPHONE BUZZES]
- I feel bad.

- Damn, this honey is strong.
- I know. I'm sorry.

ELLIOTT: I feel that, too,
given the circumstances of my day.

Sorry. Sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to be insensitive.

- Oh, you're doing good.
- Hey.

DONNA: Hi.
This is Donna Lynn from Mount Sinai.

I'm just calling you back with an update

about a patient you
were inquiring about.

Come over here.

It's good that you found out now

- before you have kids.
- DREW: It's okay.

- Were you ever gonna have kids?
- No.

DREW: Hey, guys.
Uh... So, that guy, he's... he's dead.

- Yay!
- Oh, my God.

- Portia, aren't you a Christian?
- What?

- Oh. [BREATHES SHARPLY]
- Sorry.

I don't know, guys.
I feel like I'm not a good Christian.

- Like, I'm trying.
- Mm.

My Christian friends are all so lame

and, like, will not talk any
sh*t about anyone with me.

And then when I say anything sarcastic,

They just look at me
like they don't get it.

And I don't really know
what I'm supposed to do.

Thank you guys for
spending the night with me.

Obviously feeling particularly
unlovable right now,

so it's just very nice to
have my close friends around.

Mm.

Even though we are all at
legal odds with each other.

DORY: Yeah.

I honestly don't think there's anything

that could tear us apart now.

[CROOKED COLOURS'
"I'LL BE THERE" PLAYS]

♪♪♪

♪ When you're holding on ♪

April?!

This is my weekly check-in
to see if you're home!

♪♪♪

♪ Doors are always closed ♪

♪ Always, golden arrow ♪

Looks like you're not here again.

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ Still calling your fire ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ We'll be all right ♪

♪♪♪

[GASPS]

♪ I'll be here ♪

♪♪♪

♪ For you ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪ I'll be here ♪
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