04x05 - Doctor Mindbender

[bunniefuu]

I understand you three wanna
report a missing person?

- BOTH: Yes. Yes, that is right.
- We are here to do that.

In an ironic twist of fate,

our friend Dory Sief has gone missing.

Your Honor, there's a twink

that we believed to be dead

who may have kidnapped Dory Sief.

Now, we're currently working on retrieving

his contact information from, um...

- a ca... a catering company.
- Yeah.

Let me stop you right there.

Dory Sief is not missing.

- What?
- No.

She just wants to be left alone.

Well... well, where is she?

That is none of my business,
nor is it yours, either.

Um, what the heck are you talking about?

Dory Sief is in hiding,

and it is our duty to protect her privacy.

She let us know she didn't wanna be found

and that you three might
come looking for her.

I can't stop you from
contacting her further,

but I might just consider this

an unofficial... restraining order.

[BOTH LAUGH]

- What?
- That's insane.

Yeah, no.

I'm sorry, what? What?

She doesn't like you,

and she wants to be left alone.

It's very normal for people like her

who have become unfavorable
in the public eye

to drop out of society

to try to build a new life for themselves,

find some peace.

Can't you just respect that?

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

- God.
- Wait...

Oh, sorry to interrupt. Frank needs you.

Okay, I'm just very confused right now,
as her friend.

Like, did Dory come

and tell you all this personally?

No.

She sent us a beautifully written letter

stating her intentions

that also said she appreciates

the fine and handsome men in blue.

Are you talking about Dory Sief?

Yeah?

That was such a nice letter.

You could tell she put thought into it.

Oh, and she also included
this watercolor painting

of the police seal.

Oh, God.

So nice, and talented.

If you wanna go down this road,

you can fill out all the
paperwork you want,

but just know this:

Dory Sief is safe,

and she just doesn't need to
be put through any more hell.

- [SCOFFS]
- We love her here.

And just like that,

I'm talking to Twinkies Catering.

They've got the address of the Twink, yeah.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah. So it was that easy.

It was actually that easy.
You were of no help, sir.

Thank you for nothing.

I'm so sorry about that,
and thank you for your time.

- Drew!
- Yeah, sorry. Okay.

♪ Oh, but, dear, the sky is low, watch ♪

[ECHOING]

[GROANS]

Good morning, sleepy lady.

Where am I?

What's this?

Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Leave that in.

- Leave it in.
- [GROANS]

Oh, careful, careful. No, no, no, no.

The doctor said you need to
take it easy for a while.

Okay?

We can't have you walking around

with a concussion.

A concussion?

Do you remember anything that happened?

I remember...

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL PULSE]

You were...

upset.

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL PULSE]

Did you...

Did you hit me?

[LAUGHS]

Oh, my gosh.

No.

No.

You took a really nasty
fall when we were out there

hanging up Christmas decorations.

Remember?

With Paula?

- Paula.
- Mm-hmm.

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL PULSE]

She's dead.

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL PULSE]

You k*lled her.

Hey, now, she may be a bit of a busybody,

but I would never k*ll anyone.

Oh, my head.

I think you're just
really mixed up right now.

Oh.

I don't think this medicine's
working fast enough.

- [BAG SQUIRTS]
- Wait.

Wait. Wait. Oh.

There we go.

[EERIE MUSIC]

[BAG CRINKLES]

Just relax.

[EERIE MUSICAL TONES PLAYING]

Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah.

Just breathe and relax.

Okay?

You think you did a lot of things

that you didn't do.

I'm here to help you.

But I need you to do me a favor.

I need you to trust me.

And I need you to just...

breathe.

[SIGHS]

And relax.

- [MOANS]
- Yeah.

Focus...

[DISTORTED] On the sound of my voice,

just fine

as it is,

and any feeling you may or may not have

and any thought you may or may not have

will feel just...

fine as it is.

Guess it is kind of
nice to be on the water.

I do feel like the water's,
like, kind of healing in a way.

Hey, El, Twinkies Catering...

They didn't say anything
about the Twink having,

like, a criminal record or anything, right?

No, all the catering
company said to me was,

his name's Zacky Twiggs, he's years old,

and he's mostly a bottom.

That's all the info I have on him.

- Kay.
- Drewby, I'm so confused.

Can you just please tell
me where you've been

for, like, the whole past three months?

Yeah, I was just living at home

with my parents in Chicago.

- Doing what?
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]

Uh, just chilling and eating and...

Yeah, just was chilling, good.

- So who's Cindy?
- That's nice.

- What?
- She keeps texting you.

- Ooh!
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's just... No, it's just an app.

That's an app that...
And it texts you cute things,

like, so you don't feel so sad and lonely,

and the app's name is Cindy.

- No, it's not.
- So that's it.

[WHISPERING] Okay, this is it.

- This is it?
- Yes.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

Okay, you guys. You guys.

Honestly, my concern here is that it's,
like, too obvious

that a kidnapper lives here.
Do you know what I mean?

I mean, this is the houseboat.

Drew, knock on the door.

- Wait, wait, no.
- Knock on the door.

- Knock on the door.
- You have to.

Why do I have to go in there?

Because he knows what Portia looks like,

he was at my wedding,
he's gonna remember me,

and I'm sorry, Drew,
but you don't have kids,

you're not married; like,
you kinda can bow out of life.

Okay, I'm sorry, do you guys have

some secret kids that I don't know about?

Okay, this is crazy!

Why are we doing this? This sucks!

Why are we risking
our lives? Let's just go.

Okay, you know what, Drew? You're a baby.

- You're a big baby.
- I am not a baby.

- Yes, you're a big baby.
- I am not.

I can't believe you're gonna make me do it.

- Then go do it.
- The girl that got honeyed.

The girl that got honeyed is gonna do it,
but guess what?

Because I'm brave and I'm strong

and I have guilt, so I'm gonna do it.

- Don't try to stop me.
- Okay.

- Have fun. Have fun.
- Thank you.

- Big girl.
- So much.

No shrimp today, thanks.

Uh...

it's not... it's the...
It's the mail woman.

I have a package,
a very big package for you.

Ugh. All right, one second.

Where's the package?

Did something happen to the big package?

- [GRUNTS]
- Portia!

Ow! Ow! My hand. My hand.

Go, get her, get her, get her!

- Okay, okay, okay!
- Oh, my God.

I punched him! I punched him!

I don't think that's him!

- I punched him!
- Oh, my God.

Okay, she's not even in here,
and there's so much shrimp!

It reeks.

Oh, my God!

- You guys hurt me so bad!
- Stop. Stop.

- Okay, okay, okay.
- Stop talking.

Have you ever worked for
Twinkies Catering Company?

- Yes! I'm sorry!
- Okay.

Did you work a wedding in August,

and did you pour honey all over Portia?

I don't know! Probably.

I probably did that. I'm sorry.

People keep telling me I
did a lot of stuff that day.

- I don't remember.
- Wait, wait, wait.

But I know you worked my wedding.

The Twinkies told me.

Yeah, Twinkies told me that too.

I'd showed up to work late that day,

and they said I was already at work,

and I said, "What?" and then they showed me

Zacky Twiggs had already signed in.

Okay, so you were at the wedding,

but you don't remember torturing me?

All I know is that week
was messed up for me,

and the night before that wedding,

I was a drunk at a bar
talking to this nice guy

when my ID went missing,

so I started freaking out,

and the nice guy said he knew where it was,

and that it was in this
truck out on the street,

and for some reason,
that seemed right to me,

so I followed him out to the truck,

and then I fell into the truck somehow,

and the truck got locked,

and I was trapped in that truck all night

until I got let out the next morning

by a construction worker,

and then I went to my job,
and everyone was like,

"You're already at work, you stupid idiot."

Okay, wait, wait, wait, what did the guy

from the night before look like?

Was he also a twink?

Yes, he was a twink.

We were both twinks.

He was just super nice.

He was really interested in me and my job,

and I'm sad he never texted me after that,
but I understand.

I mean, I'm so unattractive.

We're not gonna say you're attractive.

- You're fishing.
- Well, okay.

You know what I think happened is

that this guy... he targeted you.

He got you drunk, he stole your ID,

he went to work as you,

and then he kidnapped
and tortured our friends.

- That was good.
- Oh, Drew.

- That was really good.
- That felt great.

Okay, okay, but we need to know

if there is any chance
that you have any idea

who that guy from the night before was

and if we can find him.

I cannot even tell you

what part of New York
City I used to live in.

That is how useless of a person I am.

[GROANS]

When you awaken,

you will be in a new state.

[EERIE MUSICAL TONES PLAYING]

In three,

two,

one...

♪ ♪

Dory, are you with me?

♪ ♪

Yes.

The other day,

before you hurt yourself,

you were saying some
pretty troubling things

about your friends and Keith,

some very painful things

that I just don't think are totally true.

Can we talk more about that?

- Yes.
- Wonderful.

♪ ♪

I wanna talk about that night

in Montreal,

and I made something

that I think will help us

remember it.

Does this look familiar?

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL PULSE]

Yes.

So let's talk about the night

that Keith d*ed.

I want you to show me

how you think it happened

with these dolls.

Okay?

♪ ♪

I tased Keith.

He fell, hit his head,

then he choked me.

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL PULSE]

So then Drew...

came in with his obelisk...

♪ ♪

And hit him

on the head.

And he...

d*ed.

Oh.

Owie, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

It just hurts my heart
to hear you say that,

but luckily,

it just isn't true.

That is what your friends want you

to think happened.

Okay, so I guess we're back to square one.

I'm ready to give up.

I mean, if I'm being honest,

I was ready to give up in the car.

Where's our car?

- Wasn't our car here?
- Yeah.

- Drew!
- Yeah...

You drove it! Do the... find it.

- Do the clicker, the clicker.
- But there's no car.

Excuse me? Sir, hi. Where's our car?

- I had it towed.
- You had it towed?

- What?
- I did.

- Oh!
- Because who are you?

Uh, we are guests at your marina, sir.

You don't have sticker.

No permit. Can't park here.

Well, where is it?

Y'all need a ride to the tow lot?

Eh.

I'm heading that way anyway,
so you know what I'm saying?

I can give you a lift.

Um...

No, no, no, that's so nice of you,

but I think that we'll just call a Lyft

or something, but yeah.

We don't wanna bother you.

I mean, honestly, though,
like, Lyfts don't even

come out here really.
You know what I'm saying?

I got space, so you know what I'm saying?

- Ain't no thing.
- That is so cool,

but I think that we'll probably
just call a taxi or something.

- ALL: Yeah.
- I get it.

Y'all think I'm gross or
a creeper or whatever.

It's cool.

- Well...
- No.

We don't. We do not.

No, don't say that about yourself.

[LAUGHS]

- I'm Portia.
- How you doing?

Hi. What's your name?

My name is Ennis.

It's like Dennis without the D.

We will take a ride.

- Oh.
- Smart girl. Bingo.

Yeah,
I think we should take a ride with Ennis.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

[WHISPERING] I'm sorry. I felt bad.

Steed's over here, you
know what I'm saying?

I got a bunch of sh*t in the back seat,

so I gotta move some stuff
around to accommodate,

but y'all will fit.

Also, FYI, the back seat's,
like, pretty wet.

Let's walk through this

together

so that we can understand

what really happened.

Now tell me exactly.

[DREAMY MUSIC]

So you walked

into the kitchen.

Yes.

Okay, good.

So Keith was on the other
side of the kitchen,

and you had the Taser?

Yes.

Which hand?

[DISTORTED] Right hand.

Are you sure?

Well, I'm right-handed.

So there's no way you can imagine it

in your left hand.

Wait.

- Maybe it was left.
- Hmm.

Isn't that strange?

No, it must have been right.

I think.

No, left.

♪ ♪

I'm not sure anymore.

Dory, you're not sure

because you were never holding the Taser.

Well, then, who tased Keith?

Well, whose Taser was it?

Drew's.

That certainly seems suspicious,
if you ask me.

No.

No, I... I know I had it.

I definitely remember.

I was gripping it.

I was afraid.

Well, you told me you were
gripping something else:

a pear.

♪ ♪

Try to remember the pear, Dory.

Really try.

Like how it wasn't mealy at all.

How rare for a pear.

[CRIES OUT]

[GASPING]

- [WHIMPERING]
- Ah.

Hey, hey, hey, there's
no need to get upset.

No.

That's not how it happened.

- That's not how.
- Just...

- That's not how.
- Just breathe.

Just breathe and relax.

It will all come back to you.

Just breathe

and relax.

Okay, so you're gonna take a right up here.

Oh, yeah. You got it, playboy.

And yeah. That's it right here.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

That... that... [WHINES]

That... that was it.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, my bad. Dang.

Well, don't worry about it, though.

You know what I'm saying?
We'll figure it out.

Everybody makes mistakes.

Totally.

Been there. Love that.

Just, um... you know, if you wanna

just take a U-turn right here, though.

- This is a good spot to do that.
- Yeah, that's perfect.

- Yup, yup, no doubt.
- That's perfect.

- [LAUGHS]
- Yep.

Thanks for the ride. [INHALES]

Yeah, you got it.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Um...
- Yeah.

Ennis, um...

where are we going?

♪ ♪

So you walked

into the kitchen

to eat your midnight pear

when you saw your friends k*ll Keith.

[SCREAMS]

He had to die, Dory.

We can't have you just running around

making friends with anyone, now, can we?

Sweetie,

it's your fault for being friends with him.

Wait.

Is that how it actually happened?

Of course it is.

Maybe we should k*ll her

so she doesn't tell anyone.

Yeah.

Let's take the pear and slit her throat.

Mm-hmm.

I have a better idea.

Why don't we just blame this all on her?

Yeah.

I actually saw Dory tase Keith.

That's a lie.

And I saw Dory k*ll Keith.

What a coincidence.

Because I saw both those things.

Why don't you just clean
up the messes you made,

you idiot!

Please.

No.

[LAUGHTER]

"Please! No!"

[LAUGHTER]

- I have to laugh!
- Look at the pear!

[LAUGHING]

[EERIE MUSICAL TONES PLAYING]

♪ ♪

What?

Why would they be so mean?

I think this may be very
hard for you to hear, Dory,

but it is my belief that your friends

brainwashed you,

which is why you're having so much trouble

remembering the truth.

They were abusive.

They forced you into terrible predicaments.

I mean, k*lling Keith

because he was your friend,

blaming it on you,

doing it all in Canada?

That is psychopathic, Dory.

Now, I'm gonna ask you all

to do me a big favor, if you could.

Mm-hmm?

And, uh, get out.

No. What do we do?

What do we do?

[HORN HONKS] [SOBS]

Don't make me anxious!

Just get out!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, no, no.

No, no, no.

Hey. Hey, Ennis.

Everything's cool, right?

- [BOTH SCREAMING]
- Hey, now, stop.

Shh. Now stop. Shh.

I'm taking all the expensive stuff.

That means your little purse,
that means your wallets,

that means your cellular telephones, okay?

And thems clothes.
Those clothes look expensive.

Just take off your clothes. Strip.

I'm taking everything expensive.

Ennis, Ennis,
I don't think we're the same size.

I'll make it work, just like Tim Gunn.

Now take it off, Fancy Pants.

Ennis, hey, man, please
don't do this, okay?

We'll freeze out here if you do this.

- Don't do this.
- Now, look, look.

Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.

Just... I'm not in
control of the situation.

He is.

Oh, God.

- Now, strip.
- Yeah, man.

Yeah, totally.

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

Why does this always happen to me?

But don't they care about me?

♪ ♪

I have some bad news for you, Dory.

♪ ♪

Oh, hi, Dory.

Yeah. It's Elliott.

I just wanna tell you

that I'm really unhappy with you right now.

The way that you're
treating your friends...

Nay, the g*ng...

Is unacceptable.

Quite frankly, you're an assh*le,

and I've never been treated
so poorly in my life

by someone that I used to consider

one of my best friends.

Dory.

This is Portia.

I am so mad at you!

You... you ruined my life!

You are mean, you are a bad friend,

you made my life bad,

and you make me feel bad,
and you don't feel bad

because you're the ugly friend

and I'm pretty friend and you...

Dory, it's Drew.

Honestly, it is so f*cked up

the way that you treated
me and everyone else,

and it's like, I'm sorry

if this is too much for
you to hear right now,

but I am so angry at you.

Dory, you're a mean, bad monster!

And a loser!

You're a poster child for failing upwards.

Stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

- [SOBBING]
- I know.

I know.

I know.

This is what happens when
they can't control you.

They get really mean.

They are responsible for
all of the bad things

that happened to you.

♪ ♪

What about April?

I did that alone.

I went to the ferry alone.

And I pushed her.

I k*lled her. I'm a m*rder*r.

Oh, my gosh.

Dory.

April's alive.

She's alive?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

She's alive,

living life on the island of Fiji.

- Fiji?
- Yeah.

Look for yourself.

'Kay, this postcard came to your apartment

the day that I went to rescue you.

- What does it say?
- Well, it says...

Uh... "Hey, Dory."

"I'm sorry things got so weird between us.

"I think I reacted really badly

to your heinous friends."

[WAVES CRASHING, GULLS CRYING]

[TROPICAL MUSIC]

Anyway, I decided to
just live on the beach.

It's been good for my skin.

And I've been dating like crazy,

which has been really good for my soul.

And I know you didn't push me,

so don't worry about that.

But I saw you fall.

I remember.

- I did it.
- Okay.

Yes, I fell,

which was super embarrassing,

but that had nothing to do with you.

I'm just a jumpy girl.

I jumped.

And when I swam to shore, I remembered,

"I love swimming,

"and I miss it.

I miss the ocean. I miss the beach!"

So I Googled beaches,

and I found my own
little piece of paradise.

When I...

Oh. Oh, God.

- Oh, God.
- Oh.

Sorry. Hold on.

[GRUNTS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[NECK CRACKS]

You're not mad at me for moving, right?

♪ ♪

Why are you crying?

I'm just so... happy

that you're okay.

I thought I was a monster.

Oh, don't worry about me.

I'm just living my life in paradise

trying to lock down a husband.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Anyway, it's been wonderful talking to you.

Love, April.

[EERIE MUSICAL TONES PLAYING]

- [SIGHS]
- Bye.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Now, let's talk about how your friends

tried to sabotage your trial.

- Someone's coming.
- Hey.

- Hey, hey, hey!
- Hey!

Stop! Stop!

Thank you, thank you, thank... no!

Stop for us!

- Stop!
- Hey!

What the hell?

[SOBS]

And after you were found innocent,

you didn't feel safe around them anymore.

I didn't feel safe around them anymore.

And that's when you came to me.

We found each other.

Because you knew I would protect you

from those awful people.

I'm so grateful that you did.

You're perfect, Dory,

and I don't want you to ever have to worry

about anything ever again.

It's just you and me,

and there's nothing wrong with that.

And that's exactly what I want.

How does it feel?

It feels...

good.

[SOBBING]

Are you... are you all right?

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I really thought that I had done

all those terrible things.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Of course.

That's what friends are for.

That's what friends are for.

[BELL DINGS]

Oh. Oh, yay!

- Oh! Oh!
- What the hell?

Oh!

Uh... you folks all right?

[ALL BREATHING HEAVILY]

- Ah!
- That's my drink.

Oh, God!

Hey, you guys have to pay for this stuff.

- Oh, baby!
- Can I use your phone?

[SCREAMS]

Portia!

It's him.

It's the Twink.

I know that sounds completely crazy,

but that's him.

It is the Twink.

♪ You're my only friend ♪

[CROSS RECORD'S "AN ANGEL, A DOVE"]

[DREAMY INDIE BALLAD]

♪ ♪

♪ So you're gonna build a city ♪

♪ ♪

♪ We'll cry for them ♪

♪ ♪

♪ The statues are tiny ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And the air is thin ♪

♪ ♪

♪ How can you carry me? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You're only a dove ♪

[COUGHS]